Twilight went to Gastly Gorge to get something for Zecora's potion, she then got bitten by a spider, she then got a rash, intense itching, her eyes changing color. She went to the hospital and she was diagnosed with a lethal disease. Unlucky for her, she only has a week to live.
How will her friends react? What will happen? and Will she find the cure?
Read this book to find out.
:(
I feel like the funeral was kind of rushed, it didn't pack as much emotion as I thought it would, the ponies should have said a bit more stuff, but anyways, good job.
Also, laptop?! When did that happen!
I suggest looking up the writing advice "Show, don't tell."
Also, please look up what verb tenses are and why they matter.
"Show don't tell" . Additionally the story felt a little awkwardly put together. Kinda rushed and the "then"s were bugging me in the first chapter. It also felt kinda insulting that you assumed the reader wouldn't remember the character's emotional cause from the previous chapter.
The talking...really...slowly...like this got kinda annoying.
Still an story was written. Good job.
This has the potential to be a real tearjerker, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. Tense swaps are all over the place, and the writing is very telly. Don't tell me a character is sad; show it through their words and actions.
Also, laptop? Those won't become a thing until G5, which is still thousands of years away.
this fic is genuinely becoming one of my favorites
I'm dying
who tf downvoted this story? do you have no taste??
crazy how no one sees the beauty of this fic. they all gotta say "show dont tell" like a pack of dang NPCs
I have reviewed this story on behalf of "My Little Reviews and Feedback". You can find it HERE.
My Little Reviews & Feedback I did this review in 2023.