- Member Since 24th Jan, 2022
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Miro MM
I see it all, I see it all, I see it all, I see it all, I see it all, I see it all, I see it all, I see it all, I see it all, I see it all, I see it all
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Eight out of the total nine red tags?
c.tenor.com/cndSvDJP-B4AAAAC/star-wars-rogue-one-krennic.gif
11323097
sorry to disappoint, just didn't feel that drugs would go or flow well in this kind of story
I have no idea what I just read.
One sentence lasted for the entire paragraph with no punctuation. Bad dialogue, prose and pacing. No plot, no arc.
Never again.
in only one hour of posting this has already become my most commented story, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
in the last two chapters mega enter gaps.... it's clearly not necessary why... (scrolling to make of an impression?, To make it look longer, waste of time.) Pictures seriously... sighs.... nothing pony related. This fiction is in a serious enter gap mega space crisis of leaving a big of crying for help that there is no paragraphs that leads to a blank.
Wheel of fortune time...
Cover fiction picture title...
And so I Stood on the Boundaries of Life, and Peered Outward into Death.
I don't know if it's because I'm stupid or something else but I didn't understand anything
. What the hell happened here?, the beginning was confusing and the end felt like the beginning.
damn it
I loved this part
*<>* this reads like a terrible self induced fever dream , babble of nonsense
Hey, it's always nice to try these kind of drugs every once in a while.
11323102
i don't know, man, seems like they fit pretty well in the writing process.
I don't think I've ever read a fanfic as manic, odd, and downright insane as this one, but damn if this isn't incredibly entertaining to read.
Sure, most of it feels like I'm reading the epitaph of a psychotic old man, but every paragraph makes me believe that there's something here that I'm missing, or am just to dumb to fully understand.
Prolly gonna read this multiple times over, just to see if I can actually wrap my head around whatever this is. Either way, boring is not a word I'd use to describe this one. What a trip.
I made an account for this. Congratulations, you finally managed to push me out of being a lurker on this website.
This is, plain and simply, nonsense. It's philosophical commentary on the concept of nihilism taken to it's logical extreme, and then you railed a couple lines of coke and slammed your fingers against the keyboard with all the intellectual tact of a four year old.
Let's take this apart, and dissect it piece by piece in order to explain what you did wrong. As well as figuring out where all this comes from, and figuring out the style of writing you're shamelessly ripping off and failing to properly adapt.
Firstly, your style of writing is atrocious. You have consistent run on sentences, paragraphs completely missing any form of punctuation, a rambling written tone, and finally a very, very and I mean EXCEPTIONALLY purple style of writing. Purple prose is good to accentuate an atmosphere, but it suffocates any form of actual message when its overused. Stop meandering, and get to the god damn point of a sentence before it takes up half the space on a page.
Your written tone can improve if that purple prose issue is fixed, as well as if you simply make your text blocks shorter and more punchy in how you actually get information across.
Else wise you simply need to work on your grammatical skills, or else you'll never actually improve.
Also, for the love of Celestia, Luna, Cadence and Twilight, PLEASE OH GOD PLEASE stop inserting a million fucking images in each chapter. No. You do not need to post an image after already describing a scene. The theatre of the mind is infinitely better, and will provide infinitely better results then whatever the fuck this is.
Secondly, the actual "plot".
This is basically just an HP Lovecraft book but pony flavoured.
It's got all the important bits. Cosmic horror from beyond the pale, a fetishistic love of sexual violence, a tell don't show flavour of writing that really really does not sit well on the tongue, etc. This however fails at being a good HP Lovecraft book because the tell isn't that damn interesting. Basically, random OC pone becomes Jack the Ripper, Slayer and Layer of Prostitutes, Gangstalker of soon to be princesses, Prophet of the end. Yadda yadda buncha unimportant shit happens, lad fucks and then murders prostitutes in detail, whatever. Fetish content amirite? Anyways, he becomes obsessed with the end of days etc. This is going to happen because of humans. La dee da, he kills a princess who was young and unnamed, gets booted from Canterlot and finally becomes crow lord. Yadda yadda more bullshit happens, then he becomes speaker of the wind between the trees and doomsayer supreme talking about how everything is going to die in a bunch of major sermons, builds a big fucking following of which Anon is a part of assumedly, yadda yadda humans get diaspora'd because nobody likes a doom cult, yadda yadda all that shit happens until the funny apocalypse happens. You think I'm skipping over a bunch of shit, right? But no! That's actually the effective contents of the story when you take away all the purple prose. It's just an apocalypse that kills everything almost indiscriminately, with no real cause. This leaves our hero Anon with Queen Chrysalis in basically silent hill because oooOOOooooh fog spooky! Chrysalis loses her shit, wants to get raped and murdered because she can't take this shit no mo' and loses her mind basically. Anon breaks down after Queen Chrysler bails in sorrow to die alone, and cut, story end.
That's it. Seriously. It's that. That's it. It's fucking bad. Unironically there is no climax, no story progression, no actual character interaction outside of the bullshit sermons that go on and on and on for fucking ever, and wham bam thank you ma'am you've wasted an entire hour of your life reading this and taking it apart in your head. Tell don't Show doesn't work when the shit you're telling is terrible straight out of the carton.
It's not boring, it's not sane, its just plain bad. Don't read this.
I'm bad at concentrating/focusing on stuff, but... I didn't understand this story at all. All I managed to understand is: This is Chrysalis x Anon. Chrysalis is an insane changeling who wants to be raped and killed. She wrote a book. Anon reads it. Some stuff happens. Lots of pictures that I can't understand. Anon closes the book. Chrysalis tries to kill him. Celestia comes. Chrysalis dies. The end. But still, good story.
Okay,I made it this far but I think I'm done.
It's mostly pointless porn with sex happening in weird and inappropriate ways.
At least up to here.
I liked the idea, but you've fallen short of anything happening besides sex.
And the excessive use of images is very unnecessary and distracting.
I'm not high for this one
I don’t know how old you are, but here’s a word of advice.
Edginess for its own sake is never a point in one’s favor.
11581918
yeah you're right, read please, id like to apologize if I ever said anything harsh to you https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/1040329/hello
11337180 you are so fucking right, I was mad over this comment back then, but now I basically with everything you said, read please https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/1040329/hello