This story is a sequel to Who Needs Enemies -- Part II
Needing a break, Twilight and her AP team visit a quiet little town... named Ponyville. And it's such a peaceful, pleasant place, it's a wonder they've never been there before...
For more of this series, see: The Visiting Team -- Part II.
And also check out the entire series, beginning with Not Exactly Friends.
i can't believe there is a typo in the very first sentence O.o
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Applejack has two kinds of speech... Country and Western.
(Okay, she can pull off a Manehattan accent, but that's for special occasions, y'all.)
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Ah, so that was on purpose then.
I did not think it was, seeing how it has not been done again in the rest of the story.
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It's not a typo, it's. watchamacallit... a phonetic rendition of Applejack's accent.
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There's a Trope for that. Funetik Aksent. The Trope name is an example of the Trope.
...That... Sounds like... Foreshadowing... Or, like, a Chekhov's Gun? I dunno, maybe it's me... Or maybe...
...Aaaaand it went wrong. I called it, but it went wrong. Can't you do anything right, Discord? Well... Besides sowing and/or spreading chaos?
...And tea with Fluttershy... And a handful of other things relating to chaos and/or Fluttershy? Honestly...
Hey Chekhov, I found your gun.
Huh the vines are... early
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Plundervines, maybe? Perhaps this chat jogged his memory and he's nipping that little "surprise" in the bud, as it were.
Whoops, cue the Plundervines! Looks like Discord went and set them off early.
Never thought I'd see the Plundervines before Chrysalis. And here I thought Discord was going to prevent this fiasco, not start it early. Maybe he knows something that we'll learn next installment? Ooh, or is he trying to get a head start on preparations for Tirek's rampage? Does he think the Field of Harmony won't be enough against him?
Suffice to say, I am very much looking forward to part II. Excellent work, as always.
Poor Fluttershy. I wonder what she saw. The cannon timeline or something entirely new?
These exchanges are highly enjoyable. You really sell this sense of loss over what might have been with the elements.
When she's right she's right.
I was wondering why they would actually need the elements for a while. Honestly if this was the last hint you dropped, I proberbly wouldn't have put it together.
I do love how you write locations, but especially the hometowns of the "friendship five". They all have a real sense of homelyness that you don't often get in most writing, especially modern writing.
I can't say it enough I really enjoy the way you write these exchanges between characters.
A effort to head off the movie before it begins? Count me interested. Although it's hard to imagine Rainbow Dash giving up her dreams of stunt flying like that.
I think I know where this is going.
If Moondancer knows something about everything then she and Rarity could proberbly while at least some hours away on the art of Dress Making.
Poor Rarity. This trip might up ending having quite the emotional affect on her and the other bearers. A inability to measure up. It probably won't get any easier if her magic is affected.
Rainbow's backstory is awesome. All too often it's centered around her protecting Fluttershy or something like that, so I enjoy that here it's because she actually found a home where she belonged.
I assume this is a reference to Nightmare Moon, but I'm not sure her description of events fit. Is there a chance I missed something?
Makes you wonder what's different about this timeline that Pinkie doesn't respect her folks chosen line of work.
I really like the idea of Fluttershy gardening.
Now I'm certain what the trouble is. I just hope he is actually going to try to take care of it, as opposed to using it as a test of the team's friendship with him, or some such nonsense.
Taken by your own creations. Isn't that always the way?
So if Discord is legitimately good now, does that mean Tirek's rampage never gets off the ground? And if so, who's going to be the menace for the fourth season? All that's left of the big name adversaries is Chrysalis, Stygian, Cozy Glow and the Storm King for this side of the mirror.
I like the symbolism of them asking each of their world's respective heroes about their Cutie Marks. Works out rather well.
Of course I'm still hoping for some grander connection between Rarity and the others besides Rainbow Dash, but I guess we will see how things proceed.
Dun dun!
Thought so.
New element of magic perhaps?
Even with a alternate means to access those power looks like the elements are still nessiacry doesn't it? If time is like a river then certain changes can end up flowing back into the original stream. To save the Tree of Harmony the elements need to be returned to it,and they need to be active to be returned. Also Spirit of the Tree may need Twilight to become a Alicorn, and again the element stones need to be active to make it happen(I hope fast to Celestia didn't make Twilight and Alicorn, the elements did)
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Wow! Thanks much for the detailed feedback, I really appreciate it!
Given how few comments there were so far, I wasn't sure whether folks really liked this one.
I also was a bit concerned that readers might think this story leans a little too heavily on backstory we already know from the show, but that was necessary to some extent: I needed to tell this story before moving on, and to do that I needed to take some existing pieces from canon, and put them together for consideration by the characters in this timeline. Take it as pleasant reminiscence in a way, kind of like Canterlot Twilight's reaction on seeing Ponyville "again".
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In depth feedback like this is rare and very much appreciated -- thanks!
The canon timeline itself was more than scary enough for her at this stage of the game. Given how Fluttershy feels about Nightmare Night, even later on in the show, it's amazing they were able to talk her into going with them to the Castle of the Two Sisters, what with Nightmare Moon on the loose. Fluttershy can be a real team player at times.
Thanks -- in a sense this whole story is a reaction from the characters to the events they saw as a result of Discord's bending of reality back towards the original timeline.
I'm amazed nopony thinks that's foreshadowing... think about where canon Twilight is when she actually says that...
I owe a lot to reading Ray Bradbury, especially his stories set in Green Town, IL, which are as warmly sentimental as they are occasionally bizarre.
It is interesting -- I know what I want to say at a high level, when I write these scenes and put these characters together, but I do very much rely on letting the characters say things their own way. Which can sometimes mean needing to move things around a bit or let a different character say them, because that's what would happen. It can be frustrating, but it does also lead to an occasional gem of dialogue that comes out of nowhere. But you have to have watched a lot of the show for that to work well.
This is mainly contrasting Tempest, who's a little older/wiser and has more of a sense of what she wants from life, with Rainbow Dash, who hasn't slowed down enough to even really think about it yet. And also hinting at ways in which this timeline can diverge (or build on) the original.
In a way, this is a callback to somewhere I've already been. See The Zap Apple Conundrum, which explores this paradox in more detail.
I did consider that, but I've kinda already told that story as well. See Style Guide for where that ends up. (Though it's told through the lens of the other bookworm on the team, Twilight herself.)
Yeah, I originally thought the Ponyville part of this story would be a simple series of "we're not worthy ... but we are" contrasts for all the characters. But it turns out some of the pairings are more emotionally dissonant than others, and some are just fine. Rarity is kind of the extreme case, given her social-climbing tendencies. But other pairs, like Pinkie/Cheese, are already perfectly comfortable with their differences. And I was surprised myself to realize that Applejack and Trixie might be able to bond over working with tools. This is one reason I let the characters "drive" the scenes, because that can lead to some welcome, unexpected results.
Thanks -- the core idea (Rainbow moving to Ponyville because she bombed out of school) actually comes from one of my earlier attempts at an alternate universe, Twilight Runs Away. But I expanded on it a bit here, since it's a key part of Rainbow's scenes in Part I.
Remember that in this timeline, Trixie was actually Nightmare Moon's "student" (see Trixie Luna Moon), so she has more than a few regrets here.
In canon she doesn't sound too happy about it either. The "no talking, no smiling" bit comes from her backstory in The Cutie Mark Chronicles:
"My sisters and I were raised on a rock farm outside of Ponyville. We spent our days working the fields. There was no talking. There was no smiling. (sigh) There were only rocks."
I'm with you -- I do find the whole "but I was just letting you learn a valuable lesson" explanation in canon to be a little weak. I tried to rehabilitate it a bit in the previous story in this series by showing that it arises from Discord being jealous of Celestia's ability as a mentor to her students, but I don't think I'd use it as a justification for anything. Fool me once, shame on you, and so forth...
I was actually looking for a topic of dinner conversation that could involve all the ponies at the table, and realized that if the CMCs were allowed to attend (on condition of keeping their natural excitability in check), then it was a great opportunity to work in the backstories from the Cutie Mark Chronicles, and also contrast them with those of the Canterlot group, from their own respective stories. It's nice how these things work out, though it's totally due to having some great source material to build upon!
Thanks again for your thoughts -- comments like this help me know I'm giving readers good value for their time!
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I suspect it just wasn't being picked up for one reason or another. Perhaps it's burnout, or perhaps your story wasn't widely dispersed across the different groups yet.
I suspected as much, but I felt the need to voice the question. Especially if it gave us another story out of the whole mix.
It isn't the Mirror Pool is it? Because that's the only research I can think of that happens in the library.
Sounds interesting. I'll have to check these out. Although when it comes to the Zap Apples, I was honestly thinking of The Plunder Vines tendency to mess with magic.
And have a fair bit of patience and imagination, coupled with a good deal of empathy too, proberbly. Still very much worth it when your audience is reading the character interactions though. That and the way you impart emotional tones into your locations and scenery is what keeps me coming back to this series. Your characterization overall has remained consistently stellar.
Does that mean Rarity's anxieties will be addressed at some point? Along with whatever drew her to Ponyville in the first place?
True. It's just hard to see that having much regret since we never actually see her doing much of relevance. I mean she talked to some people sure, and kept Nightmare up to date on what was happening, but I never got the feeling she affected much beyond her decision to betray the team (which she reversed last minute).
Honestly I remembered this after I hit post, but I kept it up because I wanted to ask you if we are going to get a reconciliation between this and the way Pinkie views her family.
Because on the one hand while the flashback shows she dislikes the farm itself, she shows no animosity towards her family even over glamorizing them in some instances, and in episodes like Magic Duel she actually berates Trixie for insulting the farm saying that she's lucky a rock farm would take on the likes of her.
So is that just protectiveness towards her family or is it something else, and how do you go about addressing it?
Agreed. For me it's more the fact that is shoehorned into spots by fans of Discord where it clearly doesn't work.
In "Princess Twilight Sparkle" there's a scene that shows him clearly being miffed that the vines failed, even though he never admits it to the Element Bearers. Yet people still insist that he was trying to teach a lesson in good faith, even though it's really obvious that he's just covering for himself.
It gets really annoying, particularly when a objective watching of the episode in question shows the obvious problems with it.
Agreed. I really enjoyed the conversations although some stories where more lively than others. Incidentally, how do you think Starlight got her Cutie Mark in Cannon?
No Problem! Looking forward to Part II!
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That's exactly what I thought.
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It’s like the wings are conspicuously missing from a GAU-8 Avenger that someone completely coincidentally wrapped in a lavenderish, star-spangled fuselage, isn’t it?
Okay, first? Scootaloo is ORANGE. In fact, she might be more vibrantly coated than AJ, and that's saying something. Second, are we actually going to see the Crusaders of this universe turn into something useful to the cast? Their Marked selves would have been a rather good foil for Our Town in canon...
Ooh! This is a great start! So either Discord remembered the Plunder Vines and wasn't able to stop them in time, or he has some kind of roundabout plan to help Twilight feel better, and he needs to set the vines off now for it to work...
Either way, I can't wait to see what happens next!
Nice foreshadowing you did there. With the plundervines I mean.
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Thanks much! Part I here is intentionally the more quiet and slice-of-life of the two,
but I did want to at least hint that there's some action coming up in Part II,
so I'll be interested to see what you think of it.
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I can't wait to see it!
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The issue currently unresolved is the elements severation from the tree. so he's probably checking the status of the tree and likely also the progress of the plunder Ines.
Side note: isn't it interesting how the vines weren't planted in the ever free yet were still barred by the tree? Even now they're probably still a ticking time bomb just under the surface.
Woah! That's real timeline shenanigans right there! What on Earth happened to AJ's trademark stetson?
Also, why is Pinkie's voice in italics?
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Stetson is a brand of "ten-gallon" hats -- but I naturally assumed a pony as country as Applejack would have a hat that goes to eleven...
Pinkie's all-italic transliteration is my attempt to capture her sometimes all but impenetrable sugar-rush speaking style. Pinkie doesn't just emphasize some of her words, you see... she emphasizes ALL of them!
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Yeah, that makes sense. Whenever I think 'eleven gallon hat', I just think 'ten gallon hat', but BIGGER.'
The connection didn't hit me.
The Pinkie thing makes sense, though for me it comes across like 'Oooh, I'm a ghost!'
If you don't mind appeasing my overactive mind ... where's this from? That plot sounds so familiar -- as if I read that fic or watched that episode -- but I can't manage to dereference it >.>
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It's my own, so far as I know. I've since written another story that describes how that happened, which you can find here: Good Things Are Better.... Enjoy!
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Yep, that's the one. For some reason I forgot to add it to my Read bookshelf (or I would've found it before commenting), but yep, definitely read that. And like it, I would add C:
Thanks!
Truthfully... It feels oop at times, even though there's no ground forusing this term. Just the fact that your characters again and again use elements as the topic of discussion. No one in this group, except for Cheese, Tempest and Twilight, fits for "their" element. Elements aren't even relevant, it's all just about resonance of energy between sources attuned to each other through mutual relations. And it's hard to read through repeating mentions of it. It's just like looking at a diamond and an amethyst laying near each other. You understand that amethyst is a jewel too, but right here, close to it, there is an example that is much more valuable in the same terms. I'm about watching Applejack and Trixie right now, apparently both being elements of Honesty. Similar goes for Moondancer.
Tch, I understand how Discord feeled...
Aside from all that, there's two other comments I was thinking about.
So far the best arc in this alternate universe was about crystal mines. It's just so unique and interesting. This story just shines very bright.
Maybe absence of any mention of Elements also helped, but it mostly just didn't bring down an awesome story to a level of just a good one for me.
Also, the problem I see with your story so far is that it develops too fast in certain places. It sometimes seems like you have a full picture and your characters know what you know, while readers don't. Not enough explanation of their thought process for us to understand how they're coming to their conclusions.
I know, it's hard to write (period) down every detail when your ideas and inspiration lead you further and further away, but when the base of the story is ready, please, try to fill this gap. It just makes consequences of this absent thought process of characters look so unplausible in its current state and makes you analyse this story if you want to understand why characters act the way they are.
On the clearly necessary topic of adding mention of Elements to every paragraph of this comment - it would also probably be nice to put an explanation of why Trixie is Honesty somewhere before it was mentioned out loud first time and not after it made people like me, who was certain that you clearly showed that she's Laughter, puzzled about your decisions.
While i like the explanation for why Trixie is honesty in this I still don't think it fits.