Ticket Disaster
Spike held up the apple squinting at it suspiciously. It was too shiny, too perfectly shaped. Heck, it’s didn’t even reflect the lighting the same way other apples do.
“What’s is wrong with this apple?” he asked, looking to the taller staff.
“We painted it,” came a reply.
This immediately made Spike nervous. “You want me to…eat a painted apple?”
“The paint’s edible, don’t worry,” a stallion patted his shoulder. “It’s mostly sugar and food coloring.”
“Nice to know you care enough to not poison me.”
Twilight licked her lips. “Oh Spike! That looks delicious!”
Then Spike stuffed the whole apple in his mouth, not waiting to see if Twilight wanted it. Juice flew everywhere.
The unicorn gave the dragon an exasperated look. “Spike.”
He swallowed the fruit, waving his hands out. “What?” His cheeks then puffed out, and Spike burped out a puff of green embers.
Which, unfortunately, landed in Twilight hair.
And caught fire.
As Spike, Applejack, and the show’s staff began to panic, Twilight found herself to be the only calm one. Merely blinking as the flames burned her bangs.
She shrugged. “At least my tombstone won’t say ‘death by falling’.”
The scroll floated down via suspension wires, right into Spike’s claws.
“It’s a letter from Princess Celestia,” Twilight murmured to herself.
“Ahem,” the dragon cleared his throat. “Hear ye, hear ye. Her grand royal highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala, to be held in the capital city of Canterlot, on the twenty-first day of August. Princess Celestia cordially—this a very lengthy letter.”
“Cut,” the director called. “Spike, it’s not that long.”
“Well, my eyes hurt from reading it,” he muttered back, rubbing his eyes. “Can you shorten it by a tad?”
A sigh answered. “We’ll see what we can
do.”
***
“So, instead of just, simplifying the script, you want to me to still read the entire thing but add ‘yada yada yada’ two-thirds the way through?”
“Yep.”
“This is- you know what? Fine. I’ll take it.”
“Look—two tickets!” Spike showed them off to Twilight.
“Great!” Twilight clapped her hooves together. “I’ve never been to the Gala. Have you, Spike?”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “You practically raised me. If you didn’t, why would I?”
“You’re right…” she corrected.
“But hey! Two tickets, you and me, right?”
“Haha,” Twilight laughed as she began to walk away. “No.”
“…and Granny Smith could replace that saggy, old hip—wait a minute,” Applejack interrupted herself, pulling out her script. “That can’t be right, can it?”
A moment of silence followed as she read through her script, humming. When she finished, she rolled her script and put it away. “I did read it right.”
“What’s wrong with it?” Twilight asked.
“Nothing,” she replied with a tight grimace. “I just hope Granny doesn’t hear me say this…”
“Action!” The clapboard clamped down.
Applejack looked up with a wistful smile. “Why, I’d give my left hind leg to go to that Gala.”
“Oh.” Twilight walked towards her. “Well, in that case, would you like to…” She cut off her line, veering her eyes up in anticipation. When nothing came, Twilight pursed her lips. “Where’s Rainbow?”
Applejack looked around before pointing towards a nearby tree. The camera followed the movement, catching the actress asleep in the branches.
Slowly, a stallion with a mic came over, stopping underneath the branch Rainbow slept on. After waiting a few moments, he tugged on the end of her tail, making her slip from her napping spot.
“Wha-huh?” she slurred, her hooves raised in a fighting position. “Wha’ happenin’?”
The pegasus went on a long tangent about how she would impress the Wonderbolts and the crowd. “….the ponies would go wild!” Rainbow finished, clapping her hooves.
Twilight gave a stare. Then her gaze tore away from the pegasus to the camera. She did this several times, her lips tightening. “…and that’s called interrupting the show. They’d probably want security to take you off the field immediately. No way they’d be impressed by that.”
“Cut! Twilight, we-“
“You can’t tell me I’m wrong with this one!” the unicorn shot back before the director could finish. “That is very flawed and egotistical logic. Did someone poke holes into this poor fillies skull? How would she even think that’s okay?-“
“Oh, yeah?” Applejack huffed. “Well, I challenge you to a hoof wrestle! Winner gets the ticket.”
“Deal.”
She and Rainbow zipped over to a nearby stump, starting the match. It was quickly stopped as Twilight pushed between the two, a scowl on her face.
“Girls! These are my tickets. I’ll decide who gets it, thank you very much.” Her eye twitched slightly. The camera panned over to the fighting actresses as the unicorn continued her lines. “Whoever has the best reason to go should get the ticket, don’t you think?”
Applejack was the first to step up. “Drumming up business for the farm?”
“A chance to audition for the Wonderbolts?” Rainbow countered.
“Money to f-fix Granny’s hip?” The earth pony sweated profusely as she said that.
“Living the dream!”
Twilight frowned. “That’s Applejack—one, Rainbow—none.”
“Cut! Not the script!”
“Well, fine!” Twilight threw her hooves up. She then turned to look at Spike, shoving a ticket to his chest. “Sorry for saying I wouldn’t give it to you. You’re coming with me.”
“Yes!” Spike cheered.
Twilight began to walk off-screen, and the camera panned over to Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
“Okay…” they both agreed, before glaring at each other.
Again, they both zipped to tree stump, silently challenging each other. Hooves wrapped around each other, and wrestle began.
Didn’t last very long, as Applejack hoof slammed the pegasus’ hoof into the wood not even five seconds into the match.
“FUCK,” Rainbow shouted, wincing. “Goddammit, AJ.”
“Sorry! Sorry,” she apologized profusely. “I forget how strong I can be…”
“That’s Applejack—two, Rainbow—zero,” Twilight piped up off-camera, which made the pegasus scowled.
“Shut up.”
“Another song?” Pinkie grimaced.
“This is only your second song, Miss Pie.” The Kirin gave her a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, but my last song was literally last episode. Shouldn’t we have, I dunno, a little bit more time before we get another song?”
The Kirin shrugged. “I don’t make the script. Talk to the writer, if you really don’t want another song.”
The pink pony sighed. “Well, I don’t expect this song to be very good, but we’ll see. Maybe I’ll be wrong.”
***
Pinkie walked out of the recording room, drownings “I was wrong. The song is awful. I never want to sing that ever again.”
“…the stallion of my dreams!” Rarity finished her tangent of her dream husband, before giving a pout towards the other unicorn. “Twilight! I simply cannot believe you would invite Pinkie so she can…party, and prevent me from meeting my true love!”
Rarity shook her head. “How could you?” she huffed.
Twilight stared. “…that’s call infatuation. Obsession, even. The only way I can see you both in the same room together is him dragging you to security and complaining of a stalker.”
“Action!”
Twilight sighed. “Listen, guys, I haven’t decided who to give the extra ticket to…”
“You haven’t?” both Rarity and Pinkie said at the same time, having a look of excitement and realization respectively. From behind them, a soft voice spoke up.
“Um, excuse me, Twilight,” Fluttershy started, kicking at the ground. “I would just like to ask—if it would be alright
...if you haven’t given it to someone else-“
“You?” Rarity gasped. “You of all ponies want to go-“
“Yes!” Twilight pushed past the white unicorn. “Since you are the only one to outright ask me instead of guilt-tripping me or giving a convoluted reasoning, you are my plus one.”
“Cut!” the director sighed. “Twilight, you have to stop doing that.”
Pinkie shrugged. “She has a point though. Flutters is the only one asking politely…”
Fluttershy started on her own soliloquy. “There’s loons and toucans and bitterns, oh my! Hummingbirds that can really hum, and buzzards that can really buzz!”
She giggled slightly into the microphone. “Blue jays and red jays and green—In pretty sure ‘red jays’ are cardinals, which makes me upset that you guys called them ‘jays.’”
“Let me guess, all the other jays have different names, too?” a mare murmured, rolling her eyes.
“No. Green Jays are a real species, and I believe pink jays are just Blue Jays that have a pink coloring to their feathers. It’s just the ‘red jays’ I’m mad about.”
“Applejack? Were you following me, too?”
“No. I was following this one,” she pointed towards Rainbow Dash, “to make sure she didn’t try any funny business.” Applejack glared. “Still try to take my ticket?”
“Your ticket?” Rainbow exclaimed, leaping into the air.
Pinkie piped in as well. “Twilight’s taking me!”
As the other girls joined in on the arguing. The camera zoomed in as Twilight crouched to the ground. She rests her head in her hooves, looking absolutely done with everything.
She sighed, looking right into the camera. “I got my bachelor’s for this.
“You see, I was getting ready for the day when Mrs. Cake said that I would need to help make breakfast for the customers at Sugar Cube Corner. I thought ‘huh? It’s three in the morning?’ I still agreed, obviously, but I was maybe a little too tired from the night before because let’s face it, I was up until past twelve o clock midnight, and getting up at three was torture. So I went to the front of the store, and was like ‘open!’ So this old lady walks in with her cane and a cat, and was like, ‘I would like a strawberry milk soda and three bowls of oatmeal’ and then I said, ‘oatmeal? Are you cra-’“
Pinkie stopped as she saw the other actresses and actors stare at her.
“Oh.”
“Aaaaand…action!” The clapboard clapped shut.
“Girls, there no use and arguing.” Twilight looked around at the fighting actresses. Rarity gave puppy-eyes.
“But Twilight!”
“No. All of you are acting like children. I might as well rip these tickets because they are causing me too much pain but I understand the prop designers put effort into them, I mean did you see all those failed versions? How much gold paper they wasted? That was a good fifteen dollars down the drain, and I’m not adding another three dollars to it-“
The camera pony walked into the shot. “Twilight, I think you might be getting slightly carried away. Would you like some water?”
Spike and Twilight say that the table, the unicorn looking dejected.
“Spike, what am I going to do?” she asked, her hair beginning to frizz. “All five of my friends have really good reasons to go to the Gala.”
Spike put down the menu. “No they don’t.”
“Yeah. I know. I’m lying to myself at this point.”
Twilight squinted at the rain. “What going on?” She looked up to the sky.
Rainbow peeked in through the clouds. “Hi there, best friend forever I’ve ever, ever had!”
The unicorn frowned. “Best friend is a bit…generous,” she mused. “I’ve only known you for two episodes, and that equates to about….maybe a few days in the show’s timeline?”
“I know!” Rainbow exclaimed. “It’s strange. Episode three and we are already ‘best friends.’”
“Please please please stop reading into the script,” the director mumbled from behind the camera.
A mare stood while the other sound producers sat. “Okay, we need noise to fill in this scene.” Her hoof pointed to the video, which played a scene with Rarity and Twilight. “Any ideas?”
“Uh…string snapping?” a Kirin suggested.
“Drills,” the changeling piped up.
“Cats, perhaps?” a young griffon offered.
“Hm…” another mare mumbled. “Why don’t we use…all of them?”
A few moments of silence filled the air. Then a round of agreements began to spread.
“Great idea!”
“Completely reasonable.”
“You know, we could just-“
“Shut up! We’ve already decided!”
“…well, it’s not gonna work,” Twilight grumbled, throwing her outfit off. “You’re going to have to wait for my decision, just like everyone else.”
The camera panned after the unicorn as she walked towards the door. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve been trying all day to get some lunch!”
On cue, an orange pony popped into the doorway.
“Did somepony say ‘lunch?’” Applejack grinned. She then pulled the unicorn away, and Twilight had a glare on her face the entire time.
“I think I liked it better when the world was in danger,” she muttered.
“Uh…the dessert, not my auntie,” Applejack laughed after finishing all the apple-related desserts. “What do you say there, best friend?”
Twilight's stomach growled, but she couldn’t focus on anything the mare was saying.
“I think ‘best friend’ is my new trigger word.”
“Ugh! I never thought being showered with favors would be so aggravating!” Twilight shouted to the wind as she trotted by home. The camera followed her as she opened the door and peered inside.
Fluttershy was scrubbing the walls of the library, humming. This made Twilight frown.
“How did you get into my house?” she said in exasperation. The pegasus turned to look at the unicorn.
“Oh! Hello, Twilight,” she greeted politely. “I hope you don’t mind, but we’re doing a little spring cleaning for you.”
“It’s summer.”
“Well, better late than never, right?” She smiled. She then turned to look at the bunny. “It was Angel’s idea.”
The rabbit squeaked in reply.
“Please tell me you aren’t doing this for the ticket?”
“Yeah, I’m doing it for the ticket.”
Twilight facehoofed. “Well, at least your honest about it.”
“What do you mean, ‘you have another song to do?’” Pinkie groaned. “In the same episode? Really?”
“Yep.”
“Bullshit!”
“Full shit,” the changeling replied in deadpan.
“Ugh!”
“PINKIE!” Twilight shouted, falling to the ground as the crowd back away from her. The pink pony got up really close.
“Yes, Twilight?” She blinked innocently.
The unicorn sighed. “At least the other ponies tried to subtle about the ticket.”
“Wait,” a pony from the crowd spoke up. “What ticket? What Gala?”
“Oh! Yo—“ Pinkie coughed violently, to which a glass of water was levitated to her. She drank it up quickly, though her coughs didn’t subside until a few seconds after she finished her drink.
“…t…hanks,” she thanked, her voice shriveled. She paused before trying to speak again. “Erk…t…ks…”
“I think Pinkie lost her voice,” a producer said from behind the camera. “Do we have a backup?”
“I’ll give you some potatoes!”
“I have an extra toothbrush if you need one.”
“Would you like some bread I baked?”
“I’ll do your taxes.”
Twilight blink. “Wait, stop. Who said that?”
The crowd collectively tilted their head, so the unicorn cleared her throat to explain herself. “Who said ‘I’ll do your taxes’?”
“I did,” a blue and white pony raised a hoof.
Twilight pushed the ticket to the mare’s chest. “You are now my new favorite pony.”
Twilight and Spike looked dazed as the teleport ion wore off. The dragon was in the worst shape, being covered in soot.
“Warn me next time you’re going to use that,” he slurred, before shaking the ash off of him.
“I didn’t even know that was gonna happen!” Twilight said, frowning. “Now quick—lock the doors!”
The duo went around the library shutting every window, locking every door, and turning off all the lights. Once everything a quiet and dark, the two sighed in relief.
And like that, the lights turned on again, revealing the five actresses standing at Twilight’s bedside.
She screamed. “HOW DID ANY OF YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?”
A sigh came from behind the camera. “Twilight, you need to stop saying that.”
Twilight read over the last part of the script, stuffing the last part of a sandwich down her gullet. Around her were the other actors, who all were enjoying their late-night snacks.
“This ending feels very cliché,” she noted out loud, which got them to murmur in agreement.
“I’m honestly surprised that Twilight the character stayed friends with them,” Applejack muttered. “I would have dumped them on the side of the road if that were me.”
Twilight nodded. “Yeah. I don’t think I can stand creatures like that in real life…”
All the actresses walked out the door, each one laughing as they took a ticket for themselves. Spike walked away with the last one, only for it to levitate out of his grip and into Applejack’s.
Spike tapped his claws together, a little disappointed. “How come I don’t get a ticket to the Gala?”
“Oh, we’re we supposed to get one for Spike?” someone spoke from behind the camera, to which more mumbling could be heard off-screen.
A stallion walked onto the set, handing a golden ticket to the dragon. “Here ya go, kid. You wanted it.”
Spike gripped the golden piece of paper. “Not exactly a kid, but I’ll take it.”
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So did Twilight actually raise Spike has she just met him recently as an actor?
Well, at least you got that over with.
Also:
Might wanna fix that horizontal break.
10870903
As actors. Spike and Twilight thought it would just be funny if they acted as such.
10870906
Fixed!
10870912
If that’s only their thoughts on the matter of The Ticket Master, of all episodes, imagine how they’d feel once got to episodes like Putting Your Hoof Down or The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well...
That tax joke was hilarious
The story is obviously very funny, but I really like the addition of other species in the production crew.
And I do have to say that the tax joke was probably my favorite.
I loved it!
Please update soon.
It's cheeks not checks
It's several not serval
It's to a tree stump not to tree stumped
It's facehooved not face-hooded
I think the BR thing was supposed to be another page break. Might wanna fix that. Besides this and a couple misplaced letters, I'd say this is another fine addition to this story's collection.
10871131
That’s weird, when I went to fix it everything was fine. Hm.
10871136
Huh, well nevermind then I guess?
Wuh-oh. Missing that second 's' there.
Yeah, they'd be mine, too.
Great chapter! Love the addition of the crew members, and all the actors over-analyzing the script is fantastic.
Ponies have to pay taxes? Isn't Ponyville based on a hamlet?
Again, you did a great job on this set of bloopers. The exchanges, humor, characterizations, general wrap-up and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. Not much I can say that the other reviewers haven't already said better, but I'm still looking forward to the next set.
Maybe the next chapter could be titled Apple(BLEEP) Season.
For the "Fall Weather Friends" bloopers, somebody of your choice could comment on how it is odd that the episode involving the end of Winter was finished BEFORE the one set in the fall, even though the former was most likely intended to be set AFTER the latter.
Another great blooper of this episode lol 😆
Makes sense.
I don’t know if I should feel happy or sad about that.
Really?
Don’t you mean ‘everypony’?
I wonder what the old one was?
Is there a difference?
10873989
To answer your ‘everypony’ question, I watched the episode and it said ‘everyone’ rather than ‘everypony’
10874015
Oh ok.
Heh.
Another funny read,
Wow the disrespect Spike gets as an actor, I mean they call him kid. Now I'm wondering if this is racism against dragons. Like uncoscuis racism that puts dragons in a more comedic relief side character role, because they can't be seen as a major character. Like what has and still is happening with Black Actors and characters, and also disrespect off set, again same with Black actors.
Also Twilight got a bachelors in Acting and she's the lead of a TV show. She's doing pretty ok, not that she isn't right to complain if she doesn't like the work she does, just she shouldn't use the compliant "I got my bachelors for this."
10874015
Is the next chapter almost ready yet?
10971433
Sorry, I haven’t really been focusing on fanfics, with school and whatnot. Also, this next episode is really hard to write for some reason, but I’ll get around to it eventually.