This story is a sequel to La Femme Fatale
My business is Discrete Discovery Private Investigators. Investigators. Plural. With me as the owner and sole employee. I laughed at the irony. Yes, I enjoy the work, but it’s been slow. Most of the cases I see are pretty mundane. Some are actually interesting. Every so often I’m asked to do the impossible. That’s just happened, and I’m forced to consider if being slow isn’t such a bad thing after all.
This story is part of The Quicksilver Chronicles, a series of stories that follow the adventures of Quicksilver and Misty as they make their way through whatever fate throws at them. This is a spin-off, telling Dark Steel’s story from Chapter 3 of “One of Us”. That story contains background and content not duplicated in this story.
Cover art by MagnusMagnum.
Thanks to my pre-readers OConnerGT-R, mikemeiers, and FionaF. With a special thanks to my editor EverfreePony.
Dark Steel will return.
No, that's not an idle threat. Two more murder/mystery stories for our private investigator to solve are completed and setting in the editing queue. It's officially a spin-off series.
And yes, Citrine will also be back.
I’m a former pre-reader for this story just leaving my thoughts on the final product.
This is way better than the original draft. Everything flows better from the initial draft, so much so I managed to read through half the story before noticing how much of it I had read. This goes to show how important the words used on the page matter.
Admittedly I’m sad to see the epilogue get cut from the final draft, but I can see why it was removed. That brings me to something I’d like to point out.
I’ll admit this story, even after the good edits, is still at the bottom of my list of the Dark Steel spin-off stories. The future installments aren’t dependent on reading another story first, which is what hinders this one a bit, but that is just an inherent problem with spin-offs in general so I hope that doesn’t sound to harsh.
That being said, this is still a solid read, and the Dark Steel stories only get better from here on out. I highly recommend going and reading the next Dark Steel stories when they are posted as they are each very entertaining reads.
10897017
Since I haven't done a deleted scene blog on that (and won't), you're one of only four people on the planet who read it. That said, it's subject matter is covered in the next Dark Steel story, so it's not totally lost.
Great story. I especially liked the descriptions early in the first chapter which were an entertaining homage to the era of hard-boiled P.I.s.
10904626
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. I think you'll like the two sequels as I believe they are both better stories (per my pre-reader, we'll have to see if my editor agrees).
Sweet Celestia, this is absolutely the best story I've read in chronicles so far. Dark Steel might be my favorite character right now. I love first-person because it's good to know the thoughts of the character. I'm glad to see this universe is going to be more lively. (Well, I know it's not kind of pattern like Marvel movies, but you know what I mean.)
10951613
I'm glad you liked it. As noted below, the next two stories in the Dark Steel spin-off series are vastly better. The first, a more traditional murder mystery, is done editing and ready to publish when it's turn comes.
Good story, well written
11015054
Thank you. Be watching for the next Dark Steel story which will start publishing in a few weeks.
I really caught on to that noir style in the beginning; it's a perfect pick to start a good crime story. The tale advanced wonderfully while we analyzed the detective's perspective. And what do you know? Quicksilver and Misty appeared! They are the very two who sparked this mere journey of Dark Steel: a changeling pal, once lost and yet to be found. The detective transitioned from peeved to peachy the moment Citrine made her appearance. I contemplate if this circumstance accomplishes the rewarding desire of love in the end.
I enjoyed every moment, every scene of this fiction, and I still go by my word: it deserves much more recognition. You did a ton of justice to the canon/side characters that it's almost - no - exactly like you're watching a special episode from the show itself. The interactions are spot on. I claim that I was intrigued to keep reading this fiction due to the continuous entertainment of many situations within this storyline; in other words, it's my cup of tea. I hope soon enough these stories gain their rightful popularity and appreciation. Nevertheless, I can't wait to see more from his viewpoint. Keep up the good work. 🖇
11176789
Thanks for the positive comments. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. The next two Dark Steel stories are even better.
That was a good story.
11262284
Glad you liked it. Hopefully you'll find the sequels enjoyable too.
Hi there! Cajeck from the server. Just checking out some of your work. I'm taking notes as I read. I don't get to read many pony fics with a PI, so I'm excited to dust off my noir playlist. This'll be fun!
Heh, I like to use 'buck' in a similar fashion in my writing.
Young man, there's a place you can go, I said
Young man, when you're short on your dough you can
Stay there and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time!
Aaaaaah, now it's stuck in my head, you jerk!
Just an aside here, but I really lament how the show has moved on to "ponies can pick things up with their hooves now." G5 is the worst about it, but even toward the end of G4 alot of liberty was taken to just let ponies do whatever they pleased without giving any attention as to how they possibly could without fingers. I liked the quirkiness of explaining how ponies used things. Earth ponies and pegasi having to use their mouths to write, for example.
Sorry, anyway, I'll keep reading.
I'm really enjoying Dark Steel's inner monologues here. He sounds like a real hardboiled PI! The intrigue is almost palpable.
You see, I love character-driven stories, and so far you have me hooked! Which really is saying something. I was just telling a friend the other night how hard it is for me to be able to read anything anymore.
This was cute, but I think you could probably still get away with "gumshoe," since horseshoes are a thing. At least, I think we can assume they are since some background ponies have been shown to have them as cutie marks.
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Done with the first chapter! Man, I really like this so far. It's a shame it didn't get more attention. You have a really engaging narration going with Dark Steel. The visual descriptions are fairly strong. The noir vibe is fantastic. Your editing is solid. At least, I didn't see any mistakes. I'm looking forward to reading more!
Ah, Pinkie. The one-pony-welcome-committee. Though... I thought Dark Steel has been to Ponyville before? He mentioned the "same old train to Ponyville." before.
Pinkie Sense™
I do have a concern here... I don't recall Pinkie's intuition imparted her quite as much information as you've implied it does here. She does still have to get to know ponies before knowing their preferences. Otherwise, she wouldn't have made some of the mistakes she did in the past, like with Cranky Doodle. And I think I would've preferred if she'd have simply put two and two together the old fashioned way. Dark Steel looks like a gumhoof, right? And Pinkie is very aware of who comes in and out of Ponyville, right? If Tinker has failed to show up in a long time, she can make a reasonable guess as to why he's there. She may not be a bookish type, but she's still fairly clever.
I also feel she wouldn't be so easily discouraged just because someone doesn't want a party. Again, thinking of the Cranky Doodle episode. She's fairly persistent, and it'd take her a bit before she she'd get down.
Just my two cents. I'm still enjoying the story quite a bit.
Should end with a ?
Oh, phew. Thank you. You don't overdo her accent here. Gosh, it drives me crazy when people do that. I can't read too much fiction featuring her prominently because people go out of their way to make her sound like a goofy hayseed.
It was fun seeing AJ and Pinkie, though I did feel like they could have been presented in a way that made them feel less like plot devices. Applejack could have been in the middle of bucking apple trees, or maybe Pinkie could have been delivering cakes or something. It's nice if supporting cast feel like they have their own lives and the MC is simply interrupting them. It gives the world more depth.
I'm also kind of surprised Dark Steel didn't at least go into the forest a little bit before turning back. Having him look into the woods and just go, "Nah," was a little disappointing. It felt like the narrative was building up to that.
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Okay! Another chapter down. I'm really curious to see how this ends. I think the first chapter was stronger, but I'm still enjoying the story so far. The detail about Tinker buying sleeping pads every time he goes to the store was very interesting. I wonder what he's doing?
I really like this little bit of world building!
Heh, these namby pamby unicorns can't even lock a door! I like the earth pony scorn here, lol.
This was a good line. The suspicion of a PI runs deep.
I know you said not to do the editing notes, but I gotta point this out: Pinkie Sense, as a phrase, is capitalized. It's capitalized in the comics and in the books, making it official.
I like "harness" as a euphemism for marriage. It's cute.
Atta boy, Dark!
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All done! So I enjoyed the story. If I'm being honest, I think I expected a little more from the ending. I felt it kinda wrapped up abruptly, but overall I still enjoyed this. You have a strong sense of character with Dark Steel. His inner monologues are fun. The story has a nice noir feel to it that's really enjoyable.
Pretty good! If you ever need a pre-reader/editor, I'd be down.
11753162
It was written as an experimental story spun off from One Of Us. It basically just re-tells the story of one chapter from Steel's PoV. The larger story you want may be over there.
Hmm... How's your Scottish accent in print...?
Thanks for all the comments.