- Member Since 23rd Feb, 2013
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
TittySparkles
TittySparkles is pretty based, writes great porn that I can rub one off to on a weekly basis, and she has no problem telling societies leftie rejects to fuck off. - Anonymous
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You perv...
Both!?
i.pinimg.com/originals/e8/99/50/e899509193ab7ab32d52792fc5be8fb1.png
10051941
We tried to talk her out of it, but she was adamant.
~Skeeter The Lurker
So close to first!
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Hoof Holding? you sick bastard!
how dare you?!?
10052020
ME: I dont get it...time to google it.
Son of a-
You monster. How, how could you corrupt these ponies with that most heinous of acts! Hoof holding. Just disgusting, you absolute degenerate.
Someone's been watching Daddy DWK.
10052260
Actually, the ending was more of a open ended idea I had floating around in my head. Didn't even realize I was referencing something.
10052375
Check out Totally Legit Recap wonderbolts academy. You'll see what I'm referring to.
10052375
I meant newbie dash. My bad.
10052260
Yeah, you know who?
media2.giphy.com/media/66bM00QUdffe8/source.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejaWq2TXRXE
10051941
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10051958
This joke was probably mildly amusing back in the day, but five people making it on the same story sort of ruins it.
10053768
>looks at comment upvotes
Hmm, seems everyone else found it funny. Maybe it's just you...
10053776
It feels a little over used
Any bonus chapters like Sky and Vapor doing it in Spitfire's room or her office with the intercom up in full volume or Spitfire dragging Soarin into her private quarters demanding to be rutted like a common you-know-what or the vanilla couple doing it anywhere?
Both hot and cute. Not an easy thing to pull off so well. Nice.
... Y'knooow... I'd very much like to know how Spitfire got that nickname.
How much would we need to bribe Fleetfoot to hear that epic yarn?
Well, this looks interesting...
Is this lesson supposed to encourage or to discourage?
I can't tell.
Wait, are you saying fucking around isn't a good example?
Rumor says that's the main reason the suits are as tight as they are...
Vapor: "I wish I had an camera..."
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
To be honest, I'm not sure what to think of this, i mean, it had decent build up, interesting premise, but i don't know, the execution feels bland and forced. It feels like the entire "punishment" was just a plot excuse to have the two bang in a public setting.
Perhaps and this is just my thoughts but I felt as I was reading this that a better twist would have been to have her tell the two that they can buck one last time in an area of her choosing and then the big twist turn out being they were being watched the entire time and the actual punishment being the embarrassment the two would have felt. Taking it one step farther, you could of even written in that Vapor knew they were being watched when sting didn't and the double plot twist being that Vapor got off even harder knowing she was being watched as she got creampied.
Just my thoughts on the matter though.
After something like that, I think Swallowfire is gonna have an even harder time keeping those two apart.
Hoof Holding? Woh...
The relationship between them is really cute and adorable...
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-It's nice that Sky isn't totally into it at first, that Vapor has to talk him into it.
-Nice job with Vapor teasing him about different scenarios. But when Sky returns the teasing, it's summarized and therefore not as sexy.
-Cowgirl position goes on for a bit too long. Expected something more than just 'they did cowgirl some more, and then even more'.
-Nice the way Spitfire gets embarrassed about it.
-Sloppy seconds were nice and sloppy.
-
any last bit of pent up semen wasn’ttheir sex driven minds-- needs hyphens.-
sheathe-- sheath.-
Sky pulled his tired body up and off of Vapor's, and she felt her weak body-- repetitive use of 'body' is kind of jarring.-The last line is precious.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 94/100
Allure: 87/100
Enticement: 90/100
Immersion: 90/100
Prose Quality: 85/100
Total Score: 446/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!
Well Spitfire, they were probably afraid you would punish them if they didn't do it.
Surely the best punition you can imagine
Gotta admit, I'm freakin' annoyed with Vapor so far. ^^; They're young, horny teens, okay, fine. But they got the once-in-a-lifetime chance of training to become a wonderbolt, one of the most prestigious ranks in pegasus society. And they fucked it up. Not once, not twice, but thrice. They apparently should've been kicked out after the first or second incident, but Spitfire, despite her harsh demeanour, was nice to them. And even after they fucked up a freakin' third time, Spitfire still tries to give them a chance. Yes, this is meant to be punishment. They aren't supposed to come out of this thinking 'yay, that was great, let's do it again!', obviously. It's a weird punishment, for sure. But Vapor huffing about it? Feeling/expressing disdain towards Spitfire? Get your head out of the clouds, filly, this captain of yours has been nothing but forthcoming! Even now - after you fucked up thrice and are given yet another chance - you could just, oh, you know... bear the consequences of your own inadequate self-control and leave. You could just not take the punishment, not take the fourth chance and do something else with your life. Being a wonderbolt is about discipline. The thing Vapor - and Sky - seemingly just don't have.
To be blunt... they're, as of right now, ungrateful pricks.
Makes it hard to sympathize with them.
On the other hand, though: Spitfire, the hell were you thinking? 'They can't stop fucking, literally, so let's make them fuck in a supposedly uncomfortable setting, that'll teach 'em!' There's sooo much wrong with that train of thought. First and foremost, though: It won't work. Having sex is kind of a demanding process, you know? Their focus - probably - will be on their partner. (Eventually. If they even manage to 'perform' at all.) So the 'uncomfortable and thereby teaching setting' will lose quite a lot of weight once they actually get started and get into it. Adding to that, it probably won't discourage them. They're horny teens. Indulging their instincts doesn't 'exhaust' them, that's not how it works. Teach them discipline of kick 'em out! Oh and what about the other cadets? You know, the other probably horny, barely self-controlled colts and fillies? With that kind of spectacle ingrained in their memories, I'm sure they'll find it much more easy to concentrate than before, right? ... right...?
In conclusion: Spitfire is trying her best, but as seen in the show - continuity! -, she's awful at picking the right tool/path for the job. And Sky and Vapor deserve to be kicked out.
Well, that went into quite a tangent. Gonna read the rest now.
(I have a feeling I'm overanalyzing things... hmmm... I wonder where that comes from...)
It was a nice touch that some cadets actually left. Small details like this are important. The writing was just phenomenal - as was to be expected after that first chapter, to be honest. I'm intrigued by Fleetfoots and Spitfires reaction.
There's a downside of sorts, I suppose, in all this. The crowd. Mentioning them obviously would've broken the flow of the scene(s), even recognizing Spitfires existence was used sparingly, which was for the better. Buuut... it's also a little weird. They're there. They are, in a way, the punishment. But they vanish early on. (Which, written from Vapors and Skys perspective, makes sense and was to be expected as well. Still somehow feels weird though.)
Onward! To the epilogue!
Well, finally! Somepony acknowledges this!
This was a fun ride. I mean, read. Fun read. Er. Moving on!
Thank you.