Silver_Scroll
Joined 26th Dec, 2014 ·
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No offense, but perhaps the best course of action would be to get Celestia to a psychologist.
And just whose dreams is Luna allowed to enter, exactly?
Judging time!
Hey there! Hi there! Ho there!-HO WHERE?! Oh....right just me. Anyways this piece seemed to suffer in some aspects and then did excellent in others.
For one thing, I noticed the dialogue flowed very naturally. As if the author themselves has experience writing songs or scripts, but in between the conversations was quickened actions. A lot that made no sense at all or transitioned too quickly. It would help a lot if you delve into the action a bit more and emphasize the emotions behind it. A character can say one thing and do another thing entirely or the emotions can be hidden behind words whereas actions can often betray closed lips. Its really a need of learning another basic of writing here but overall I was impressed with how Celestia and Luna spoke. It really felt like the Princesses.
I expect you to keep up the good work and to join the next competition.