• Member Since 17th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Wednesday

ScarletRibbon


Just a pone who likes to write about other pones in compromising situations ranging from sexy to deadly and everywhere in between. https://ko-fi.com/scarletribbon

Comments ( 126 )

Well that took an unexpected turn.

So I'm enjoying this story a lot. It's a neat concept, and there's some cool world building and set up for all of this.

However, this chapter is... mixed for me.

Anyone who hasn't read it yet, I'm about to go into minor spoilers for the chapter.

I'm not a fan of how this chapter is basically putting down Shining in this. I like it more that he's a doofus but is able to hold his own. This kinda implys he's useless for most things and Cadance is just 'keeping him around for convenience' I mean we don't really get the sense that she even loves him from this. She said she admired his spark, and found him cute, but that isn't love. As it is, it sounds like Flurry was only born so she wouldn't have to deal with heat.

I'm sure that's not the case and Cadance really loves Shining with all her heart, I just feel this would have been better if that was portrayed more.

As a last note. Given 'Luna' was sealed away for 1,000 years, I do wonder if this means she can still go into heat.

Shining Armor ain't no wuss!... A doofus, yes, but not a wuss!

9476712
I think that is a fair criticism. It was not my intent to make it seem as if there wasn't any real feelings or emotion involved in their relationship. If I have some time later today, I may clear that up a bit.

As for Shining's competence, the show itself doesn't really do him any favors in that regard. He is shown to be brave, and even reckless at times, but we have never seen him accomplish any real feats of physical prowess, only magical. Leadership is a strong quality that doesn't necessarily correlate with might.

As for Luna, well, she is in the character tags for a reason.

9476771
True the show hasn't, but one could argue that's because it never really focuses on him.
At the very least, especially if he's been 'keeping up' with a in heat Cadance in the past. He's got stamina to spare. Probably outlast any other guard in a fight. He'd just have to wait for them to tired themselves out. Might tie into him being a couch during the Equestria games arc.

Not that I'll stop reading if that's just how it is here. It's only a minor nitpick. I do look forward to some alterations showing that Cadance really does love him though.

Or a mare, if you are into that thing. I'm sure there are spells that could give them certain parts 'for fun'. :pinkiecrazy::rainbowlaugh:

derpicdn.net/img/2018/5/24/1740010/large.jpeg

I have a feeling if Twilight became a stallion, she'd be able to give Celestia a foal. Though I suppose they'd have to de-age her a bit so her 'heat' kicks back in.

9497465
I have several 'alternative story' shorts I'm considering writing when I'm finished with this. That is one of the ideas that has floated about in my head.

9497544
Well I can say I'd read it if you write it!

Quite good so far. I look forward to seeing how this develops.

Ok for clop logic it may be ok... but they have telekinesis... they could LITERALLY take the glob of sperm floating and infuse them with a LOT more magic and then plunge them where it's needed ^^;;

with her big, fuschia eyes as she continued to

fuchsia

foals across oevr two thousand

over

Hm this is not marked as Alt Universe... But canonically Luna has been a princess of Equestria for little more than a century before going Nightmare Moon. [As they celebrated the oneversary of Celestia in the show that is the 1111th anniversary of the first sunrise and Luna was bound to the moon for one thousand years... that means that she reigned for one hundred eleven years less the time the series has taken place into] so there is no way she was there for two thousand years...

is there going be more chapers i licke to see more

9628260

More is coming, but there are a couple of factors slowing me down.

First, work is kicking my ass, so I haven't had the time to write as much as I'd like. This will change dramatically in about a month when I get a promotion that will significantly reduce my hours. I also took a break to participate in the incest competition last month. And this weekend I'm at Everfree Northwest. So yeah, I'm behind schedule, but I'm not done with it.

In fact, Chapter 6 was completely written already, but I did not like how it came out. I am almost done rewriting it.

A fair warning: All the content tags in the story description are about to become very relevant, very soon.

9723207
Not soon enough, it seems~

Hope the writing has been going okay and we'll get to see more soon!

9845204

Damn, has it been since July already? I'll have to buckle down and focus a bit. Chapter's about 2/3 done, and is much more polished than the last two.

As mentioned, I had 25k words written for what was supposed to just be Chapter 7, which was just way too much. I will be posting the chapters as I finish editing them.

9958201
I've been comfy with 10k words these days, partially because that is the 'readable limit' for a chapter as I've been told... although you can only see this on a GATE fic that I've been working on elsewhere.

9958945
I don't necessarily mind longer chapters myself, but with a story where the chapters have been shorter, to suddenly drop one 5 times as long can be offputting.

9958979
Eh, you have to find the 'happy medium' yourself, I've discovered. My happy medium is 10k, you look like you're still discovering yours at this point.

Oh this is a way better story then what I expected, it's completely convoluted and I have no clue where this will go. I hope Star Tracked gets more more involved in the story and at least gets some reparation for Twilight's mind scrubbing she did on him, at least restore the memories. I wouldn't mind Twilight being impregnated by him, and whatever could happen next.

I am honestly a fan of Star Track and I do think he would be worth having a tag of his in the story.

To horribly mix some metaphors, twilights use of mind magic on star tracker is more like psychic assault then psychic rape. She was not in full control of her faculties and did not do it with malice aforethought. But she still did it, and she needs to be held accountable. In the context of murder, it would be the difference between first-degree murder versus some sort of manslaughter. What she did to him was wrong wrong wrong. The only way I see her able to come out of this with some honor would be to turn herself into the authorities for appropriate punishment. The sentence would probably be somewhat lenient considering she would be a first time offender and panicked. Maybe a few moons of house arrest, an orange jumpsuit, mandatory counseling, mandatory volunteer work at a facility that cares for abused ponies. She could make it into a teachable moment for everyone.

Poor Star Tracker... he was just THERE is all. He wasn’t even particularly wanted on his own merits. If he had a hard time with the ladies before, this is going to really do a number on him.

Please please please don’t use him as a Maguffin.

10006560
Star Tracker's role in this story is far from over.

Upon entering the office, the was greeted with Trixie sitting at her desk

she

10008288
Thank you! I try to be thorough with my editing, but sometimes simple stuff slips through.

Yes, I just published a 12k fic today, but I haven't forgotten about this one! Honest!

How did he dispersed

When Starlight pulled herself off the floor, Sunburst was nowhere to be seen.

OOHH, that cookblock.:raritydespair:

10210516
Ouch to be rejected once, but he's still imagining Twilight while Starlight's doing him? Double rejection. Cockblocking was a mercy at this point.

10210855
I hope I wasn't unclear on this. He disappeared because he doesn't lust for Twilight and doesn't think of Twilight sexually. They're still within the castle, so Luna's spell filters him out as 'not consenting to sex with Twilight'.

Celestia pointed a hoof behind Twilight. “Also, you’re dribbling all over my carpet. Go now; run along and find a stallion. You'll thank me in the morning."

I'm in love with this Celestia already. So understanding and yet well versed.

Really liking this story so far.

Nice character drama and sexual tension. Excited to catch up with the others tomorrow!

They're gonna get back just in time for incest, aren't they?

10361870
Next chapter will be up in 15 minutes. You can find out then!

Oh wow. The last chapter was hot. Damn lucky stallion. :eeyup:
Imagine impregnating Rainbow and AJ in one day. :ajsmug: :rainbowkiss:

10362065
Happy to hear that. I feel like clop is often one of my weakest parts of writing, but I felt pretty good about how that scene came out. I'm glad someone enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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