It is said that every day in the magical lands of Equestria are bright and wonderful. The ponies doing their activities with happiness and harmony, except in some cases where the presence of an evil being or a catastrophe threatens to end that peace. Fortunately, they always found a way to solve the difficulties and everything would return to normal.
This day was supposed to be wonderful and bright, like other days.
Rainbow Dash has wake up early from her bed, an incredible feat even for herself, excited to go to the bookstore and buy the Daring Doo's new hit with the intention of reading it alongside her friends and her beloved pet tortoise.
What she did not expect was to hit against a brick wall made of condensed clouds. Who would have thought such a thing?
That only caused the cyan pegasus to be angry with the construction worker, who in turn was disgusted with Rainbow's behavior. Without either of them could notice, a small black cloud began to form over their heads - a Drearie. A being that feeds on the bad mood of living beings getting more stronger the more angry and annoyed the guest turned in.
Sadly, that was only the beginning.
On her way to the bookstore, Rainbow Dash's bad mood spread around Ponyville, making easy the work of the cloud creature to multiply and affect every inhabitant of the village. Rainbow Dash's patience came to an end when she arrived at the bookstore only to find a long line of ponies eager to acquire the new book, unleashing her frustration on those who where present at, including her friends.
Soon the Drearies multiplied without control, leaning on everypony's head - from Big Mactintosh to Apple Bloom, passing through Derpy Hooves and even Shining Armor (who was visiting a friend and Twilight with his wife, Princess Cadence) and the Wonderbolts as well. Not even Princess Celestia or Princess Luna couldn't get free from thoose little pests.
Only Spike, the baby dragon assistant of Princess Twilight Sparkle, Zecora the Zebra and Tank seemed to be unaffected by the bad mood rolled upon, though Zecora noticed that the chelonian was uncomfortable since this whole situation began. Actually, Tank seemed to be unconmfortable for some weeks when something bothered him or an unpleasant situation arose, as it was being presented in these moments.
Perhaps this word was little to describe the reptile's expression, one might notice that looked.... angry?
Any other thought was put on a halt when she looked up at the sky and saw a huge black cloud begin to form over the town, a as a result of the Drearies's constant multiplication and the bad vibes around Ponyville. The Herbalist feared that if the cloud continued to increase, it would not only cover the town alongside the city of Canterlot nearby, but also would threaten to expand to other zones untilo it covers all Equestria.
"Uh-oh." Zecora said "Perhaps this situation has gotten out of control. Why don't you give Rainbow a bit of console?"
Tank didn't need to be told twice to comply with the order and rushed to go at his owner's side and calm her. Sure, at the rate any earth tortoise could go.
Quickly, Zecora pushed Tank to where Rainbow Dash was, lightly touching the mare's side with the sole intention of reassuring her and bring joy.
But what he found was the bitter-faced image of his pegasus friend staring at him as if he was a nuisance; with the main Dreary on top of her head, drawing a malevolent and derisive grin.
"¡TANK!" she called out "Watch where are you going! Yeesh, this is already the worse day and you're trying to make it even more terrible! If you're just going to be underhoof and annoying you can go HOME"
In other circumstances Tank would have burst into tears after being shouting at by Rainbow Dash, snapping her out and realizing her actions she would ask for forgiveness to her reptile companion as well to everypony in town. Thus would lead the Drearies to lose control over them and disappear alongside the huge dark cloud since there would be no anger from which to feed on.
This..... was not the case.
The ponies gathered around couldn't believe what just happened a few secs ago gasping in astonishment and horror, even the Sonic Rainboom's performer and future member of the Wonderbolt's rank was unable to process the moment.
"¿T-Tank?" Rainbow Dash asked nerviously approaching to the tortoise, hoping for him to be fine. Then she start to notice something unusual on the reptile's iris; for they were suddenly turning into a brilliant green.
And the worse part was about to happen.
Tank gave a slight roar audible to some ponies standing near the cyan pegasus as they watched in terror how the buildings of the chelonius started to change. His body began to increase gradually as the magic-propelled helicopter rotor strapped to his shell broke out and his aviation google fell out of his head. His hind legs thickened to give way to two powerful legs that would allowed him to stand up like a bipedal creature. The front legs became a pair of muscular arms ending each one in big hands. The shell appeared to have been fragmented and rearranged as the tortoise continued its metamorphosis, plates over plates until it formed a canopy armor. The head and neck changed in size as well, not too big neither too small that it could be on par with the rest of its changing body. Finally, and perhaps the most striking feature, the tone of his skin became a greener tone than usual showing his veins in some parts of the body.
After a few minutes the process was over. Behind was left the familiar figure of the Element of Loyalty's pet, and in his place was the presence of a monstrous green creature whose body seemed to have been shaped for combat, a little higher than the Solar Princess and full of wrath.
Wrath focused on a certain parasite in the form of a black cloud and those that resembled him.
"¡¿ T- T- Tank?!" Asked again Rainbow Dash, now in fear. The Dreary perpetrator froze, too, about to make a escape. Next everypony heard was:
¡¡¡¡¡¡ RRROOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRR !!!!!
ITS THE INCREIBLE TANK!
It is said those slowest to anger to rage the least, are the ones you must never never NEVER truly anger or enraged.
For if you do, you unleash a beast that can crush all in his or her rage.
8269504
Indeed my friend. And the incoming wreckage it's about to happen.
Well, I’ve found this story by chance and, deeming it fairly interesting, desided to dig in. To be blunt and brutally honest, it needs a lot of work. What catches one’s eye at first glance is the formatting. What’s up with the double spaces between the paragraphs? One is more than enough. Also, why the inverted exclamation and question marks at the beginning of some lines?
My guess is that English is not your native language, a hunch strengthened by oftentimes incorrectly used forms of verbs, mismatched prepositions, and some generally rough wording. But most of these can be fixed by a simple glance of a skilled editor. However, what won’t be so easy to fix is the execution of the chapter—to put it simply, it’s rushed. The whole plot just flies by without the readers being able to grasp what, how, and why is happening in some greater detail. Due to that, the atmosphere is almost nonexistent. Remember to slow down, focus on the surroundings, the characters’ position and movement on the scene, and also some general work with pacing and tension. Getting someone to guide you along the way and help you improve is going to be essential.
I hope this will help you make the story the best it can be