Kunama Windrider
Joined 24th Jun, 2017 ·
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Good start.
Heh not too bad. A good start, is this ur first story? If it is well done.. Good luck with you future endevours!!
I'm gonna be honest: the story description read like click-bait and it made me want to NOT read your story. But because I didn't want to 'judge the book by it's cover' I went through and read it anyway.
My reaction is thus: it's too fast. Events came at me rapid fire and I didn't have any time to digest what they meant OR how they moved the story along, so I ended up feeling blindsided by the whole thing. I think that your paragraphs have enough substance in them to expand each one to a page in length, and I think that's what this story needs (Okay, maybe not literally but the point stands). It needs more time for the reader to get to know the characters as well as you do.
8283525
Thanks, and yes, it's my first story!
8283567
Thanks for the feedback.
8290285
Have you finished Fluttershy's Darkest secret yet?
Noooooooooooooooooo!
8291149
8292204
Oh.
8292371
8292402
You have now though.
How many words did you use?
8307891
1023
You even make mistakes too not me I spotted one.
To many MISTAKES! Or a couple if users agree please like my comment.
Well then. This was certainly more plot-hole ridden than any story I've read recently.
8904151
It was my first one. And there are worse out there!
8904238
I know. It was just an opinion that me at 1 AM had. Sorry if you took any offense.
8904448
Nah, I overreacted. Anyways, I've gotten better since, so why should I care?
8905239
Alrighty then. ^_^
8905482
I need to learn to think before I write/do.