chaosknight72
Joined 11th Feb, 2013 ·
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Not a bad story, I enjoyed. The use of numbers rather than spelling out the words was a touch annoying though.
"choirs" should be "chores". Those are two very different things! :)
7847445 god dammit I keep doing that. Thank you for the point out
Good story. Both the build up and the actual sex scene were great.
You might want to go through it for bugs. Other than the one already mentioned I saw:
"board" - should be "bored" (you have the right word a few lines below, so I assume it's a typo)
"a nearby shelve" -> one shelf/several shelves
"Rather unexpectedly, the muscle bulged under his scales
to arather impressively for somepony of his size" or perhaps to "to a rather impressive size""This may seem a little weird...but do ponies find dragon's attractive?" Strike the apostrophe there, as we're talking about dragons (plural) rather than something belonging to a single dragon.
At first with the "voyeurism" tag, I thought we'd see Twily clopping in the door while the two were at it ;-)
That was my five cents. Hoping for a follow-up story or chapter ...
Aww, what's the point of a knot if you can't knot a bitch?
Also, I understand this is clop but do please pay a little better attention to proofreading. Some of these are obvious.
Rather impressively, or to a rather impressive size.
The Alicorn is not a title.
Always precede a proper noun with a comma in dialogue. Don't capitalize after a comma.
I'm sure he has a lovely list of singing groups, what with how much he gets around, but I don't think that's what Twilight meant here.
"I have been", "I've been" or just "and been" if you're using slang.
Moguls is a word I was unaware of but celebrates is not a noun.
I don't even know how to make sense of this, but you clearly weren't paying attention when you wrote it. Fix it.
The suffix "er" in this context is never by itself. It always comes in pairs when used as a comparison. Also, you spelled bored wrong.
If you're going to try to be smart with a semicolon, be smart with it. This should be an em dash.
Dragon's what? I don't think that apostrophe belongs there.
she could get used to*
thorough* Easy mistake, that one, but the others could have been caught with a simple editing pass.
7848622 thanks for the point outs. I had to pull this from my editor because she has had no time to go through it and was having a very bad week
7848622 also I enjoy your wit
7848737
You're very welcome. I always enjoy helping young authors.
7848745
A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Wit is more creative than flattery, though both do exercise imagination quite nicely.
To add to above typos' list
They should have secret sex more often.
7848891 funny you say that
7848931
.... Okay. I'll bite in his place. XD Why is it funny?
7848973 working on the second part
Twilight: You slept with my little brother!?
But that's besides the point, you slept with him!?
Starlight: Little brother?
Twilight: Well, he too old to be my son but he's clearly family. So yeah, little brother.
Starlight: Well, you did say I was suppose to help Spike with everything today, he he.
Twilight: Chores! Not everything!
Starlight: Well, it sure looked like a chore, with how hard he was working it.
Twilight: I DID NOT NEED TO HEAR THAT!
Sorry couldn't help myself.
7849170 well she technically did as Twilight asked. I just love loopholes
7849170 And as Starlight is walking away, she cranes her neck and gives Twilight this face:
media.giphy.com/media/Hot2b4Wn3aHwk/giphy.gif
"Thanks anon! We couldn't have done it withoutcha!" They both gave a happy wave as you crossed your arms over your chest like a vampire, and the closet door closed on you once again, sealing you inside untill you're needed.
7848891 Agreed!
Please write more Starlight x Spike fics.
7849977
is jk bby luv u bby
That was pretty good, well done!
Hey, that's pretty good!
Up for a sequel?
I just... I just can't even. I thought... I thought I read everything, too.
This just tore me to pieces. An apologetic smile and nodded. Is that too much to ask for? :(
Yes. Yes it is. :)
7851998 Sorry if this one was not too much to your liking. thank you for reading it though
You sure do love your spike puns
There needs to be more Sparlight fics. This was amazing! I want moar!
7853838 yes, yes i do
7853780 Nah its fine, I just get kinda weirded out by these kind of stories. I consider all stories fine by my book, and I'm studying animation just for this. Eventually, I want to do animation of some stories I find, and I guess it doesn't hurt to consider. I just found it a bit cringy, that's all. Good story, and I find it a little intriguing. Good luck on any future stories
. I just think MLP and Intercourse is a bit weird. Good luck, again.
7854095 I can understand and appreciate that. I can see how you are a bit weirded out by sex being brought into a fan base about these characters. I'll just say it takes a bit of getting use to, and hope that your endeavors are fruitful. And if your not too into clop than I do have another story you might like called luv sic if you want to give it a look
7854124 Thanks that'd be great. Im not saying this isn't a bad story, it's great. Hope you go on to do great things. Wish me luck, for my sake.
Gotten creeped out by some clopfics, but this one is well done, and does no damage to the characters. Indeed, if this were not based on a kids show, I could almost see this happening in the story. Good job.
Wow, I like where this is going.
I'm glad you decided to make another chapter. I hope there is more to come after this.
FUCK YES! Trixie maybe next.
Even if she's not not, love, Starlight and Spike, shipping. Her personality just feels so real to me.
I hope not with Trixie.
Such a waste.
I kindda feel we need RD in the story to mock Trixie for some reason. It's the classical way to build tension for her...
8001631 you may be disappointed than. Sorry dude
8002393 Yawn.
8003270 to each their own.
hehehehehehe
I liked it.
3 errors caught my eye, which is really good.
Thumbs up!
So... which one is it? Is this just a preview of the coming chapter or is this story completed? Those two are mutually exclusive.
8194465 thanks for reminding me. I have to change that
Wow, this is going to be so amazing. I thought this story was completed, but thank God I made it in time. Great writing, I'm very excited for what's next :
. And yes, Trixie! 
great chapter! cant wait for the next one!
i'm guessing this became a deadfic?
8307317
I've literally been staring at this next chapter trying to get it done. It has not been fun
8307650
bro, if you're not feeling it, don't force yourself. this is supposed to be fun and shit.
i got you on alerts, so if and when you pop out a chapter/ story, i'll read it.
8309249
Cool. Been trying to work on this and another project
This was a cool story. Had some pacing and story issues, but enjoyable all around.
Great story so far. Can't wait for the next chapter.