[Based on the bloopers of Legend of the Everfree ]
It all started with a touch...
Weeks ago Sunset touched Pinkie's forehead and entered on Pinkie's mind. Now they are in a relationship that Sunset doesn't know how to end.
Despite the suggestive title, is totally safe I assure you
Edited by: NotSoWickedWitch
Spanish translation here
Special thanks to:
Good, I'm surprised on how well paced this is for a first, especially since you're native. Color me impressed on that.
But there are some mistakes, mainly ORs are usually missing the R.
The beginning of each word should be capitalized in the title. Except for maybe 'to.' I'd say more, but I'm very tired, and up very late.
This could use a bit more focus and it definitely has a bit of a stream of consciousness flair to it, but overall? It was cute, and I liked it.
7801964 Thank you very much, I've already corrected that
Well, this isn't the first story I've written, it is just my first story in this language
7801967 Oh, thank you for telling me that! Already corrected
7803142
I was correct in my original guess.
7802874 Oh, okay I guess I'll have to pay attention to it in the future. Thank you very much, I'm glad you like it
Just some final fixes that I missed:
Take this off.
A seat.
At the
Sorry for missing these! And amazing story, mon ami!
7803367 Already corrected!
Oh, don't worry, I'm glad you liked the story
Should be 'weren't many people' but other than that I liked it. Though I do wonder what was in that letter.
Oh man...I really love this story. It's deep and emotional, and really well paced. I like the way that you wrote Sunset. It feels really sincere. Have a like and a fave.
7805810 Thanks! I was a little bit unsure on that one
I'm glad you liked it! Huh, a real mystery
7806463 Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it
known
in
Shouldn't start with 'And'
Delete 'she took'.
On the streets there wasn’t anyone else, anywhere. Odd, because Fridays were the days there were usually a lot of people in the mall
surely
hung out so Pinkie would wait for her there.
known
at
seat
realized the cannons, that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, just threw confetti.
breaking up in
This is getting a little too long for comment section, I'll PM the rest in the morning when I feel a little more awake *YAWN*
Nice one shot so far though!
Hmm, not a bad little tale. I like the aspect of Sunset wanting to go into Pinkie's mind, it's very fitting. I think it's a nice touch that Sunset is the one who understands her, and the cake bit at the end was a nice finale.Really good little one-shot, keep up the good work!
An interesting, short read. Not exactly a romance, but neither a story just about friendship—which I think fits perfectly the state of Sunset and Pinkie’s relationship portrayed. After all, given the special consequences under which these two met, one can’t be really surprised