Long ago two alicorn Sisters ruled Equestria. One controlled the sun, the other the stars. It has been 1000 years since the younger sister was banished to moon after becoming Deepened Dusk. Now Starswirl, gifted unicorn and prized pupil of Princess Sunset Shimmer, believes that Deepened Dusk will return to seek revenge on Equestria. The only thing that can stop her are the Elements of Harmony, but they have been lost to time. Will she be able to find them in time with her new friends?
Chapters (2)
Oh I am DEFINITELY keeping an eye on this puppy! Loving it so far, can't wait for the next chapter! Well done!
Oh, good lord, this is gonna be AWESOME!!!
Well it's an interesting start to a new alternate universe. Some of the information about the unicorn (Celestia?), while interesting, doesn't seem relevant. I do hope this story will continue, and look forward to see what happens next.
I would like to see if the rest of the mane six are in this. XD
7800698 You'll have to wait and see
7800490 Glad you think so! I hope I don't disappoint you!
7800348 Thanks! I hope to have the next chapter up before school starts back up again.
7800653 You're right. The information about the unicorn isn't that relevant to the overall story. At least not yet. It's more just an interesting part of the lore right now.
This is promising to be a very interesting alternate universe. Besides a few typos and formatting problems this is a great start for a new author and I am looking forward to the next chapter
7800972 If this first chapter is like this, then you have nothing to fear.
This sounds really good. I can't wait to see how this goes.
7802472 I'm glad you like it! Sorry about the typos. I do have a proofreader but neither of us are perfect. There are definitely less typos than there could heave been. I hope the next chapter can live up to you expectations!
7802600 I'm glad you think so!
7802711 I'm glad you like it so far!
Very promising start.
But I never have understood why people call fallen Twily Midnight Sparkle. I think I would call her Deepened Dusk. Adds a little alliteration to your life. But it's your decision.
Good start on this story.
Ooooh! Alternate Sisters Universe!! YAY!!!
Wonderful writing by the way, I love how you changed the corrupted sister's thing from Luna's moon to Twilight's stars it's a very good take on the story, and one I wasn't expecting!
8083246
That's a really cool idea. Do you mind if I use that name?
8658141
Sure! I was reacting to your story after all.
at first i thought i miss read but nope in this world starswirl is indeed a girl
...and so this worlds Trixie is the legendary mage from long ago, like starswirl the bearded. I look forward to seeing where this goes!
I like the change to Fall Equinox. Sure, it makes sense for the Mare in the Moon to escape on one of the 4 most celestially important days of the year, but Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year seems weird for someone who seeks to bring forth Eternal Night. Much better with Winter Solstice, or, like here, one of the days where night is equal to day
And I do love to see the familiar names in new locations. Spike as dragon lord (I guess he's technically Dragon Lord in canon, does it count if he abdicated?), Trixie as the ancient mage, and all that jazz. Can't wait to read more
8720570
Eeup
At this point I'm not sure how similar this Starswirl will be to cannon. I started this story before Shadow Play.
8721283
idea have the bearded come as a way to cover her identity with her works the she publishes like daring does with a.k.yearling
8721299
That is a good idea. I will consider it.
8721319
glad to hear it
That's one way to send a faithful student into the right place with an investigative mindset.
I look forward to the next installment.
Might I add that I absolutely LOVE the fact that Starswirl is obsessed with formalities?
8722107
I'm glad you liked it! Another trait of Starswirl's is that she rarely ever uses contractions! Though that's not really obvious at first.
Wow I love it can't wait to see more and I'm glad it's not just a character switch with the same plot (hate when that happens) goodluck!!
With love,
Lala
I like it. Hope to see more soon.
Keep it up m8
8722184
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
8722261
Hopefully I'll have more soon!
8722271
The only problem if have with Starswirl is I have no idea what she looks like what it's hard for me to picture her . And is the villain's name Midnight Sparkle or Deepened Dusk ??
8722344
Starswirl is a mare with the standard body shape we see in the show. Her coat is dark blue and her mane and tail are silver with a golden stripe.
I changed the villains name to Deepened Dusk. Someone suggested it in the comments and I liked it. I changed it in the Prologue too, but I might have missed some.
Edit: I did indeed miss a couple places. They are fixed now. Sorry for the confusion.
Yay, another story where best pony has wings! Fweet
8722682
I take it you are a Sunset fan?
8722684
Look at my profile picture. It is #73 of 274. What does that say about me. Also, is ‘Tail’ as opposed to ‘tale’ intentional?
Alright, now that I’ve read this, thoughts.
I. As opposed to Celestia, Sunset didn’t just ignore Nightmare Moon/Darkened Dusk, but rather TOOK INITIATIVE. Good job Sunny.
II. Gender-bender Starswirl and Clover? Strange and unnecessary, but alright.
III. Flurry Heart and Cadance swapped places? I’m seeing a lot of swapping.
IV. Ember as assistant, hmmm. I wonder how the wings’ll play into things.
V. Back to II, couldn’t you just throw Clover in as the student, instead of doing a gender bender? I don’t like those much...
VI. EqG? Nah, probably not. I’d like to see Principal Sunset though. Commission idea!
VII. I’m wondering how the millennia’ve treated Sunny and Twi. Here’s for hoping Sunset’s not useless.
VIII. Is ‘Tail’ as opposed to ‘tale’ intentional? It’s a mite strange. Not everything has to be a horse pun.
IIX. Shipping? (There’s blank space here. Ramble ramble ramble!)
IX. Are the elements of harmony to change at all? Maybe the shrubbery of harmony? Ni!
X. Is this getting an update schedule? Those make everything better.
XI. Is Twi gonna have a massive obsession with books? That’ed be interesting.
XII. Back to III, is Cadance gonna be Flurry’s slightly destructive daughter? If so, what’s Flurry the princess of?
Twelve points to ravenclaw.
I also managed to get all this from less then 4000 words. FEAR MY NITPICKING.
8722684
I am too, keep up the good work.
Yeah he may be small but he is quite tough. Also I'm curious who will be the main villain of this universe's version of season 3. Flurry Heart did beat Sombra.
8722743
There is going to be more swapping. The swapping was the idea that made me start fic.
I did not mean to have both Clover and Starswirl be gender bent. Starswirl's brother had a different name at first, but I changed it to Clover. I hadn't even thought about the fact that that meant I was gender bending both of them.
Tail was actually a typo that I decided to keep.
As far as the elements of harmony, you will have to wait and see.
There will not be a release schedule. Life is hectic and even when I have free time I don't always feel like writing.
I'm glad you liked it enough to nitpick that much!!
8722786
Crow is my spirit animal. Also, I hate gender bending.
yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
I don't know if Sunset wouldn't know, since Celestia seemed to be sure of Luna's return, so I'd assume Sunset would know too. Still, interesting story so far, I just think you might want to alter the writing a bit. It's a little too formal in my opinion. Other than that though, this is cool.
Can't wait to see who RD is in this, unless the Mane 6 remain mostly the same? Maybe she's captain of the wonderbolts?
8738010
Thanks for the advice. I'm not sure if I can be less formal. I think that's mostly just my style of writing. If your talking about Starswirl specifically, she is supposed to be very formal, and often gets annoyed when others aren't.
8740571
The mane six will not be the same. I had not thought to make her the captain of the wonder bolts. That is a great idea! Do you mind if I use it?
8741457
I mean even outside of dialogue. I know it's really hard to change your writing style, but no one ever said writing is easy.
8741473
True. I'll try!