- Member Since 19th Oct, 2016
- offline last seen Sep 25th, 2017
CoffeeAndCigarettes
Writer of things Americana.
CoffeeAndCigarettes
Joined 19th Oct, 2016 ·
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This looks like you're off to a really good start. Sonata's friendship moment came across very naturally and the interactions as a whole were pretty well done. In some ways, I feel like it might work a little bit better as 1st-person than 2nd, but you're certainly doing a good job of conveying Rebel Yell's state of mind.
I'm definitely hoping you continue this.
Welcome to Fimfiction!
Good start!
Great start! And welcome!
If this story keeps going the way it's going, Rebel's going to end up playing "Death of a Single Man."
not bad, the term for realsies is used a bit too much for my tastes, but other than that, not bad.
7666706
I'm still trying to pin down the different speech-patterns of various characters, but I'll keep that in mind for the future... For realsies.
Hmm...seems like he's off to an okay start.
Are you planning to have him eventually meet up with the rest of the cast?
7671733
Well, it's not like CHS is impossibly big. It's a pretty safe bet Yell will be running into some familiar faces sooner or later.
7671859 Ah, so I see.
You're doing a very good job of keeping Adagio's villainous traits somewhat intact while still making her friendship with Yell quite believable. That was a lovely scene that I thoroughly enjoyed from start to finish.
Do keep this going, would you? I'm deeply enjoying this so far.
7677263
The way I see it, the fact that Yell is, well, not a good person contributes to the fact that Sonata and Adagio are willing to give him more of a chance than say, Rainbooms. Friends in low places and all that. They might not admit it, but they're enjoying the company of each other because they can recognize their own shortcomings in the other.
... Or something like that. Maybe not as pretentiously as I put it.
Not to throw cold water on this parade, but the site has rules against copywrited lyrics. FYI
Hmm, disappearances? I feel rising action coming.
7682018
None of the lyrics that appear in Chapter 3 are copyrighted, or indeed appear in any existing songs. They are made up for this story in particular.
It's telling, I think, that I barely even realize that it's a second-person story as I'm reading it.
Talking of which, is there a reason you didn't choose to go first-person?
Not that I'm complaining, as I've already said I barely notice anyway, but it seems like Rebel's got a solid enough characterization that he's more of an 'I' than a 'you.'
Don't have much more to say, I'm afraid. I thoroughly enjoy how you're writing these characters thus far, and I'm waiting with bated breath for when Aria gets to join the fun.
Assuming she ever does, of course. I'm most fond of the stories where they stick together, but you're writing them well enough I doubt I'll mind if they don't.
7692217
The perspective-choice started, first, out of necessity, but eventually formed into an in-story reason to build a plot around, when I hashed things out into a longer story. Still, there's no specific reason, but I've gotten so used to writing MaMwM in 2nd person that it'd feel weird to change now.
As for Aria, she might be a bit harder nut to crack. While Sonata is someone who depends on Rebel and Adagio someone to be his equal, Aria is the one to overpower him. But she won't stay silent forever...
Hmm, going forward, I can think of maybe one song that has green in the title.
Does Flash Sentry play any major role in this story?
7709988
He cameo'd as the guitarist in Chapter 5, and will have few more appearances in the future. Whether that counts as major is up to debate, though.
Well then. That got weird.
Hints of Aria being a badass are always appreciated, though.
I'm a Mopar guy. But I can make an exception for a Buick GSX.
7767176
In a way, this 1970 GSX can be thought as an important character all of its own when it comes to this story. Especially the further down the road we go.
Wait... this chapter confused me. Did Aria kill a monster?
This story is very interesting
High bet that North's parole officer from Juvy
What song is this?
Wow, that's a lot of effort into character design of an OC.
Menacing!
Ok, I don't know why but when I saw herr I just started laughing.
Continue?
Continue?
Continue??
cOnTiNuE¿?
Need moar!
Need more
♁♄ ♊︎♎︎
These are the symbols and even after looking them up I have absolutely no idea what they're meant to mean
total tonal whiplash, from a feel good fic to a musical. still works
this chapter was WILD lmfao. also indian food w lets goooo
god this was wild, i keep forgetting that eqg is a musical so these musical scenes just catch me off guard so much i laugh. but the songs are well made! goes perfectly in the cadence of the original.
LOVE THIS
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHY DID THIS END NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO