- Member Since 23rd Sep, 2015
- offline last seen May 25th
HiddenMaster
Who am I? Does it really matter? Probably not. Just sit back and enjoy stories drawn from the eldritch depths of a disturbed mind with a love for pastel colored ponies.
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Oh that was just PERFECT......Please tell me that she will mount a rescue to save Celestia, Luna and the Mane 6 too, also what about the Crystal Empire, shouldn't there be Caribou up there unless they haven't been able to capture it?
Small flaw only
You say that mortars two through six are ordered to fire, but then that only four fire. It should either be three through six or that five of the six fire
7862423 Fixed. Glad you seemed to enjoy it.
7862419 This is just one part of a larger story, but yes. The Caribou have already conquered Canterlot and the Crystal Empire here. They were just horribly unprepared for the badlands and misinformed as to the true nature of Chrysalis and her Changelings.
Private Red Shirt?
Oh, you get a favorite just for that. One thing I really like about this is that many Fall of Equestria writers forget that Equestria isn't in a vacuum. Nor is it the be all and end all of it's world. Equestria has many friends and allies, and just as importantly, many would-be friends and allies who would jump at the chance to have Equestria in their debt.
Looking forward to the next chapter, if there is one. The clash of two races of mind benders would prove to be something very interesting.
That letter! Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Yeah, Chrissy working with the Caribou is #497 on the list of things that make no damn sense about the Fallverse. Like... her race literally lives on love. How much love do you think there is in a fallen Equestria? On that, it would have been a cool addition if she had said something to the effect that there wasn't much love to drain. Plus, she'd always be looking for a way to backstab them, since again, their entire existence is predicated on subterfuge and deceptive.
This... is an incredibly cool concept! Like, it makes total sense! Females are nothing but tools for pleasure and reproduction, but the Caribou still have emotional needs—well, at least they would if they weren't one-dimensional fuckheads—so what do they do? They take male lovers! Someone to share an emotional bond with, someone to connect with on a deeper level, even someone they can make love to instead of just fuck for dominance's sake. It would literally be the ultimate conclusion of the concept of a "Bromance!" But of course we can't have that! That would involve two dicks touching!
Guh! This is just another reason why the Fallverse is such a failure. If NCN weren't so deadset on the caribou being the ultimate in stereotypical meathead masculinity, there could be room for an actual culture here!
7862805 You're actually right. Forcibly draining love is a relatively inefficient method in the long run-sure it gets a lot of love immediately, but it just results in you draining and ultimately killing someone faster.
On the list of reasons why Chrysalis would never side with the Caribou, them ruining her people's feeding rounds is pretty damn high up there.
Chrysalis didn't bother mentioning this because it would actually be disadvantageous to do so-she doesn't want him knowing that forced feeding is less efficient and that his soldiers aren't as big a boost to her resources as it would initially appear.
Here's the thing; I'm not even being all that original here. The idea apparently got thrown around and pushed by some authors, especially by Schorl Tourmaline, but NCN wasn't a fan so it was a big nope in the original stories.
But, yeah. If love is an impossible thing between males and females-if Caribou truly view females as slaves incapable of feeling the higher emotions of a male, then to me it makes sense for them to have strong homoerotic aspects to their culture, as they have emotional needs that only an "equal" could ever supply.
Not brought up here, but there's a lively market for male romance novels among the Caribou that's common at pretty much all levels of society.
There's a reason why I maintain that, despite looking the same more or less, the Caribou of my setting and the Caribou of NCN's setting have only a superficial resemblance to one another, and would likely find one another strange and almost alien. For one, I guarantee almost every male Caribou in NCN's vision of the setting is straight, there are no bisexual Caribou, and the Caribou don't ever have to deal with consequences for any of their actions. Mine, on the other hand, most certainly do, and I like to believe it will show in my writing and world building.
...
Also, don't hold me to this, but I'm pretty sure that, out of all the Fall of Equestria stories, I'm the first one to bother characterize Dainn to this extent, and I'm fairly certain I'm the first to characterize him as an overworked borderline asexual bookworm.
7862841
Well, it makes sense. How else could one plan the conquest, subjugation, and enslavement of the dominant nation on the planet using minimal force? By being focused on history, the art of war, politics, and scholarly pursuits, and not mindlessly fucking anything with tits and a pulse.
But again, that makes sense, and there's no room for that sort of thing in the Fallverse.
I am quite in love with this Chryssy~
Hohoho, a Changeling after me own heart, noice!
Dude, awesome work on this once more, quite an epic start to this and I do hope to see more to this epicness
Loved the Exotic Cheeses part, though... I think I would have preferred...
Nice job man!
7863075 You have no idea how happy I am to see that I'm not the only one who thought of that.
7863687
Hahah
i feel the same!
7862841
OMG!!!
He is Caribou Twilight.
Also, yes, Changelings feed on love and Caribou don't have much of it, they could feed on lust, I suppose, which they have plenty, but in my headcanon is changeling equivalent of junk food, not healty and really fattening.
7862841
7862893
Sadly, the closest I've done for characterizing these... deer-folk... is an idea I mused on... mainly the idea that no, the Caribou do NOT go through with Dainn's insane plan and execute him without trial, and then send a diplomat to explain to Celestia their reasons so that she, sun-controlling powerhouse of the world, doesn't get paranoid about a civil war in a neighboring country.
This was of course before I knew about the whole "wanderers who lost their home" bit, because I don't keep track of those "main" stories.
7864947 The whole refugee aspect is just silly, in my opinion and just doesn't work. Their entire conquering setup makes more sense if they have a fully functioning empire across the seas. I mean, think about it; in the fall stories they are at war with or have conquered or bullied almost every surrounding nation into submission...a refugee population numbering at 15 thousand total, evenly distributed between sexes...
Yeah, I don't think that makes one bloody lick of sense, so I cut it when I was reconstructing the setting.
In my setting, the refugee thing was a lie Dainn told to Cadance and Shining Armor to earn their sympathies. In actuality, Dainn was just a high ranked member of the nobility and army of their continent spanning empire who was among the first to probe at the new lands they discovered-Equestria, Minos, Griffon Kingdoms, Zebrica, Saddle Arabia, and Maretonia.
7864998 Yeah...
Also silly is that somebody pointed out -which, like the overly-muscled soldiers in this might be explored- that male and female Caribou... do not possess that sexual dimorphism like, say, red deer do.
At all, in fact.
That was great, really well written. I have no idea why ask many people disliked it, maybe some just saw that it was Real of Equestria and downvoted it without reading?
The moment Chryssie broke free was just epic. You do not mentally assault someone who has the brainpower of an entire species at their disposal.
Chryssie's interactions with her changelings ate just adorable.
Yeah, I too have no idea why anyone ever thought that Chryssie would've even think of allying herself with the Caribou. What FEMALE ruler would ever consider that? It'd be like asking to be stabbed in the back.
Faving and waiting for more.
7867332 I imagine it's a combination of people just not reading it-just seeing the title "Fall of Equestria" and hitting the dislike button without reading anything else whatsoever, some of the people who do like the original Fall of Equestria stories and were annoyed I didn't follow the same boring and stupid plot of rape rape caribou magic babble rape. Some might also have disliked for the anthro tag or for using characters they either didn't like or interpreting characters in a way they didn't like, or maybe my story's world building goes against theirs and as theirs is obviously the only right one, this deserves a dislike.
Really, it could be for a lot of things.
Wish there was a requirement to at least click on the first chapter before you could like or dislike something-it wouldn't fix it entirely but that modicum of effort would stop some people.
Anyway, glad you enjoyed it!
Very good version you have going here. And mostly, it seem's to make A LOT of sense. I also find very hard to believe that some refugee group of 15K (about 7K males) can take over a nation AND harass it's neighbor's, while having feast's, thus wasting recourse's fast and all that.
Keep it up. Also, I shot this story with "Tracking-dart"...
7885360 I completely agree. Something to keep in mind for my stories is that, while they do have functional similarities to the original Fall stories, I've done a lot of world building and pretty much rewrote and rebuilt what little there was on the setting originally.
Case in point, refugee status was a lie Dainn told to Shining Armor and Cadance and in actuality they have a massive continent spanning empire across the seas.
I really liked this. Chrysalis was well done, her responses funny and witty, her tactics sensible. I have not read, or even knew there was stories for Fall of Equestria before this, I was piecing together what I assumed happened from Derpiboroo pictures. It seemed like a silly concept to me, primarily because I don't understand attacking a nation that moves the sun and moon. If Discord betrayed them, I could see him doing it for a bit, but he would quickly grow bored and start messing it up, per norm.
I thought about what kind of culture it would take to be the caribou, and I HAVE to assume them to be a massive empire, if only to make up for the fact that half of their population is not adding to ideas or inventions, yet they seem to be technologically superior to Equestria. Enough to conquer it with, from what you said in earlier comments, few casualties.
Until this story I also assumed they had no magic at all, suppose I was wrong on that one.
Well, yeah, basic cultural sense on that one. The entire society would be based around females for breeding and servants and other males as love interests. It's the only way the culture would work out unless there was another race they considered romantic partners, maybe?
Now, if the Caribou were like the Draka series "Dominion", it would make sense, but the Caribou only care about enslaving all females, and apparently any culture with females with equal rights is considered a threat, a little odd, but I suppose it's possible their empire is only surrounded by other races who believe the same of females, though I imagine to lesser degrees.
T-that's a joke, right? a fighting and governing force of, say 7,500 at best *probably alot less males than females if they are going to war and dying at a much heavier rate than their enslaved female counterpart* taking over Equestria and fighting a ton of their neighbors and winning? I mean, I guess it's possible if their neighbors have incredibly small populations, but that's more like taking out a few tribes than nations.
Also, refugees aren't that big into developing technology, which the Cairbou seem to have a decent amount of.
But, I digress, wonderful story, I kind of hope to see more of Chrysalis kicking Caribou butt in the future. Though there is also the gryphons, dragons, Saddle Arabian's and the Zebra's to see still.
Are there any stories in this odd universe you'd recommend? Ones that make sense and don't wave a wand at how the Caribou society works, perchance?
7890817 Wait, I'm the one introducing you to the written realm of the Fall of Equestria stories? Well, not to be arrogant but I'm glad you came here first. There are a lot of...questionably thought out Fall stories that often boil down to pure rape domination clop with no thought given for how the setting would actually work while also making most of the characters stupid. or it's a simple murder fest with the author venting aggression at them by writing them being brutally killed. Not really a story, in my opinion but certainly therapeutic.
I'm endeavoring to have everyone be true to their cannon selves while the Caribou themselves have an actual developed culture and tech level.
So...yeah I think my Caribou are rather unique compared to most other stories
That is a significant problem, and one reason Equestria is so rarely attacked, outside of cases like Tirek who either wouldn't care or could presumably take over the duties of raising the sun and moon after stealing everyone's magic.. It would be spoilers to say too much on this issue, but suffice it to say that I do have an explanation for it, and, well I'll leave off on this subject with a couple of facts.
Control of the sun and moon is not limited to solely Celestia, Luna, Discord, or even unicorns. Others have controlled them in the past.
I've arrived at similar conclusions, and that's why I've diverged from most Fall stories in the Caribou having a large continent spanning empire. That being said, their tech is not necessarily greater or more advanced then Equestria's. They just have a few tricks up their sleeves that gave them a massive advantage combined with the element of surprise.
They do have magic in most stories, although it's rarely explored in depth.
In my setting, they have an innate cryokinesis, and can throw around raw magic (aka magic bolts most unicorns can use), but lack the ability to properly see and form magic. In its place, they've developed a system of written magic known as runes, which code for a particular spell.
This makes enchantments a hell of a lot easier for them, as unicorn enchanting requires compatible materials, of which only a few metals and gems are capable of doing (copper, gold, silver, and platinum are the best and most magic conductive metals), but they can write a spell on just about anything.
You'd be surprised at the utter lack of sense in the original stories. I hate to mention it, but Twipet's Twilight Falls: A Fall of Equestria Tale is a good example. It's...it's straight up rape clop, but the levels of stupidity the characters display in it is ridiculous, and the Caribou's invasion is literally not explained or how they got this far, or why the setting is even in Canterlot, a city of unicorns, is hosting a Spring Planting Festival.
I could go on and on, but just take note of Celestia's fight with King Dainn, and how she does not try anything else to injure him, doesn't try and retreat, doesn't try physcial attacks once her fire doesn't work, and how Twilight just stands there and watches without helping her beloved mentor fight for her life.
It's...this is probably the one that got me writing Fall of Equestria in the first place, mostly because this story does so many things wrong that I personally felt a little insulted and decided to write a good Fall story.
No. It's not a joke. The founder of the Fall of Equestria group told me this number before I got banned for questioning his little rotting series too much and bringing up his tendency to censor anything he doesn't like.
Needless to say, that's not the case in my story.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Well, self promotion time. Be sure and check out my other story, Fall of Equestria: Sunset's Return. Written in the same setting and I hope the same or better quality than this one. Starring Sunset returning to her homeland but one conquered by the Caribou.
That being said, another good one, if hard to read because it's just brutal at times, is Schorl Tourmaline's Bruised Apples. It shows life under the occupation for Big Mac and Applejack when they don't have the power to do anything about the Caribou.
That being said, it still has what I consider a ridiculous amount of sex and sexually torture in the story that would render the society entirely inoperable in short order, but it handles the series rather well and I enjoyed it, even if it was a bit difficult to read at times.
7891103
I mostly read romance, and I have a great dislike for slavery and dark rape *I kind of feel rape at this point needs different categories, as I like tentacle and bondage machine stuff, but those usually have a live and let live story where no one is really harmed physically and mentally at the end.* But, yeah, slavery stories, combined with dark abuse and rape, mixed with people acting ooc, that will keep me aggravated for days on end, so I don't read them at all. I don't downvote it, unless they are ooc at least, and I explain why I did.
The pictures were interesting, the less dark ones anyways, odd for AJ to somehow turn into a super hero, but, well, good for her, I guess?
That is often my assumption. I get my venting through blasting stuff in games, others get it through death writing. I just stay away from it.
True, true, I just didn't think the caribou would have a powerhouse behind them capable of that considering the holes in the main story.
I thought to, but I figured I'd wait for another chapter or so to come out before hand. Always a bit concerned when a author has a lot of incomplete stories, ya know?
Nah, sounds like it'd just irritate me for days on end. While I don't like stories of helpless people being forced into things like that, I also don't care much for the opposite of people getting 'revenge' on their oppressors by inflicting the same things on them, or where everything is just fine and they win with no loss or problems. I may be a bit too picky these days.
Regardless, I look forward to what you do next, on this or on the Sunset story. I would point out that the description of the Sunset one is a bit amusing, calling her a genius when her plan was to use a 'army' of high school zombies to take over Equestria. I love the character, but that just sounds like a cry for attention to me.
They don't prior to the invasion.
To be perfectly fair to Sunset, she got forcibly and painfully infused with magic that seemingly corrupted her into a demon or altered her brain chemistry. I don't think she was thinking clearly in the slightest, and was probably high on her own power-having magic for the first time in years.
Hey, Hiddenmaster. Would you be okay if I added this story to Schorl Tourmaline's Real FoE Fan Group?
7938114 Sure.
I honestly thought it had been on there already. This anthology (standing at one story so far...) is going to have a bit of everything-both fighting against the Caribou, life in Equestria, international politics, and more. I think it'd fit rather well.
Speaking of which, I'm surprised it took you this long to comment on this story. Er, not to be too prideful, but I was thinking you'd have commented on it before this, considering your presence in the Fall community.
7938148
Ok, I added it.
7938178
ah man, paperwork dainn is going to be so fucking great. keep this solid characterization up and he might even be a solid antagonist.
7939160 Thanks. I find the thought of Dainn being a simple brute solely fueled by his lusts to be...unlikely and frankly boring.
I think it's much funner if he's an overworked bookworm with a mind for strategy and magic.
Omg I love this x-x I can't wait for more chapters on this!
7942570 Glad you liked it!
Just reread this, and it's even better than it was the first time I read it.
Can't wait to see what you have in store for us (and more obviously, the Caribou and their king) in the next chapter!
8185008 You know, you made my day commenting on my story after I've left it idle for so long.
I am working on this story, and hopefully will have something soon. This is more of an anthology (i'm intending it to be, anyway) of stories set in the Fall verse. Chrysalis will show up again, but might be a little while.
8185008 This is my question as well, as I'm eager to see what happens when Equestria's allies get into the mix!
8185153 Glad to hear you're still working on it, and don't worry about how long it takes, as we ALL know that inspiration can be an ornery, stubborn l'il bitch when she wants to be.
I should know; mine, as well as my many Muses, have all taken an unexpected, and unwelcome and unsanctioned vacation on me lately, too.
It LIVES!!!
8573549
Indeed.
Nice ultimatum there. And that throne effect reminded me about iron throne from "Game of thrones" and enchantment of Celly's collar/peytral/whatever, in RandomBlank's story "Prince of Zebras", which made it heavier or lighter depending on wearer's decision's as ruler.
Keep up the world-building.
Well, my suggestion to this
would be to simply un-publish the Chrysalis chapter (unpublish it, not delete it), then republish it after this new chapter, which would make it your second chapter.
Or whatever.
Just a suggestion.
Anyway, great chapter, as always. Way to show Dainn just how very, very badly he and the rest of his Caribou bucked up with their invasion of Equestria.
Can't wait to see what happens in the next one!
8573817
Huh. Interesting. I'm not gonna lie, Celestia's throne in this is a bit simpler. It's quite literally covered in tiny bumps and points hidden by thin padding which prick the one sitting on the throne, and she had it made that way so she wouldn't fall asleep listening to nobles whine about one problem or another.
A big part of this chapter was Dainn finding some of the less pleasant side effects of taking over Equestria. And, sexist brainwashing or not, the Canterlot nobility are, mostly, still idiots.
Hehehe, still a good read as always, and ooohohoo... Dainn is fucked right and proper. So damn good work dude.
next the zebras, and the gryphons, lets see dainn's dawning realization when he's got a world war on his hands, and it's a world war against him.
And the dragons. Let's not forget the dragons.
8575819
Spoilerish, so read at your own risk.
The Dragon Lords and assorted Matriarchs really don't give a shit. As long as you stay out of their lands and their hoards, you could be a literal embodiment of Satan murdering children and they'd yell at you to keep the child screams down so they can sleep. Some younger dragons are exception, and Ember cares a bit more about non-ponies, but the giant murder monsters of legend are past the age of caring. Granted, some don't mind being paid for their services...
What I like about this story compared to other FoE stories is that there no super powered hero charging in, Dainn isn't a one dimensional cheap Gor knock off and the whole situation doesn't exist in a bubble. You create a power vacuum and shit happens while it either gets filled or things stabilize
As far as anti-FoE stories go, this one is something of a mixed bag in a lot of ways. On one hand, it doesn't go into the excessive, grimderp torture porn a lot of anti-FoE stories go into to try to beat into our skulls how hooooooorible MRAified Equestria is (as if we needed additional convincing); it doesn't spend a lot of its own time on gratuitous sex (I mean, what's-his-face the psion does, but the impression I got was more of a nine-year-old kid who just discovered Internet porn which is a good fit for the caribou overall); and there is no crossover Gary Stu on his way to reclaim the honor of Equestria's mares for himself. It doesn't take itself too seriously and there are moments of absurdist humor spread throughout.
On the other hand, as a straight-up action/adventure story there are a few problems with it. The Changelings don't really seem like Changelings, they bicker and use slang like regular ponies and don't really seem all that alien. Their use of chemical weapons and mortars also seems really anachronistic, especially given FoE's further lowering of the overall tech level of everything. Also, by having the caribou already conquering the whole of Equestria concedes a lot of ground, literally and metaphorically, to their Gary Stu nonsense. Probably the biggest WTF moment is something I've seen in every single anti-FoE 'fic before now and which always baffles me- all of the characters are still anthro, even though presumably they are no longer supposed to be pure wank fodder. I have no idea why people keep doing this; it's not like they owe FoE anything and must follow literally every element of it no matter how trivial or stupid...
I have to say that compared to the last one this chapter is a little weaker in a number of respects. I don't think the focus on Dainn as opposed to the resistance elements (particularly all of the Celestia torture-porn) fits tonally with the last chapter or the rest of this one.
This interpretation of Dainn is an interesting one, and again I am kind of of two minds about it. On one hand, he's an interesting character in his own right, and his anomalously competent leadership does somewhat explain how a bunch of edgy teenage MRAs dressed up as vikings were able to get as far as they did. On the other hand, it's damned odd to see a caribou being portrayed in a halfway-sympathetic manner and I suspect he'll end up denying the story some of its karmic quality by being too reasonable.
9697717
Honestly, the anthro aspect here comes down to me just liking anthro. I'll admit the original being anthro is mostly just the only excuse I needed to anthro it up for this story.
But yeah, there really isn't much higher purpose to that part of the story.
The anacrhonistic setting was going to be elaborated on and developed over further chapters as I fleshed out the wider world and crafted what I thought was a believable-if, perhaps, implausible-takeover, but I honestly lost interest in FoE after a while and I've moved onto far more interesting story ideas.
Although, I have to admit writing Chryssi was fun.
9698183
That's a reason, at least, which is more than most of these have. So sure.
Took ya almost 3 years to complete the story
10462947
It's kinda funny. I wrote this last chapter in the last two or so hours, including minor proof reading/editing.
Three years for...this.
Times like this, I kinda wish text had an emoji for "bitter self deprecating laughter". I'm feeling that right now.