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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Kudos.
I like the action here.
There are issues, what story does not have them?
PM me if you want help.
There are a few typos, and the most glaring one I've noticed is using mettle instead of metal, but overall a good start to your story.
You have my attention, and Holy throne, what in the name of the Emperor happened to Twi?
So... Twilight's eyes are bona-fide cybernetics?
I'm not trying to be rude but, ENGLISH, DO YOU SPEAK IT? There are quite a few misspelled words but hey, what story doesn't have some.
6895917 What do you mean? But who am I to judge, 9/10 spellcheak just throws its hands in the and says "How the hell am I supposed to work with this shit?!" And 1/10 it ways WHAT THE BLOODY FUCKING HELL IS THIS SHIT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
This is so fucking awesome. The dood
Should be blue.
Spell out Rainbow Dash unless a character is actualy saying "RD"
Should be mane.
Should be pointed.
Move the quotation mark back one.
Run on sentence.
Bots is a word, so you don't have to use an apostrophe.
Move the quotation mark back one.
Remove the capitalization on the E.
Add end quote.
Remove the quotation mark before She.
Quotation mark before she needs to be moved one to the left.
Same as before.
Possibly.
Same as before with the quotes.
Should be "so they had to be modified."
Quiet should be quite.
Great story so far bee tee dubs.
She's more machine than mare now
From looking at the comment by Nightmare Spoon most of the errors have been pointed out. Please, please fix them they distract from what looks like a very interesting story.
This story reminds me very much of Into the Black: A Mare's Tale, an epic story. I will definitely keep reading this with great intent.
6969110 yesh hello i felt the same and lets just say im so fuckin happy and excited to see another with the same formula i cant wait to celly and luna meet there countrerparts
Very good intro, nice work.
You ain't slick.
Welp, I decided to head over here after hearing that the story you recently posted is a squeal to this one. Looks like I got to read this on my free time to understand the plot and other stuff.
Nice pic!
7041696 But Twi needs more scars
man i hate when this happens after a long hiatus they update and then i have to reread most of the story no offense
4x "then" -> "than"
you have "two" everywhere else
Some capitalization, like:
"something something", She said
why Unicorn, Pegasus but "earth pony" ?
But It says two months in the description.
>unless your dumb enough
you're
Interesting start. I wonder where it takes place in the timeline... Before Tirek, it'd seem.
7356706 part-way into season three
Decided to reread this because I can't sleep.
Rereading this while waiting for the nightsale at Gamestop to buy Destiny 2
Shouldn't Luna, celestia and others be present for her story?
So far everyone is rereading but I’m one upping that because I’m rerereading
8967350
For the first or second time?
8967350
hmm I’m just reading
And thus begins a saga.
<insert arrow to the knee joke x 4>
what happened to Twilight?
9445602
She had a super fun vacation full of sunshine, rainbows and friendship.
9446309
and war
Ha beat you all to it I’m rererereading or is it rerererereading so far I’ve lost count proves how much I love this story keep it up scorch
9088105
Now 5th or is it 4th....
Well...you have my interest now, even though this is a fairly older fic. It's quite something. I love it.
9699646
I hope the rest of the fic can hold that intrest.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
HALT!
Ze Grammar Nazi Group has spotted a mistake!
=======•=======G=======•=======
// - missing space
=======•=======G=======•=======
HAIL GRAMMAR!
10103727
Not going to lie, i am equally surprised at this and that this happened and that your head didn't explode from the errors.
Oh boy I can already tell this is gonna be a doozy of a story...... I am usually a purely Human in Equestria, or at the very least human turned into equestrian species reader, but this.... this has gotten me hooked so far.......
10997683
I am glad to hear it.
I apologize I've not gotten around to actually fixing the issues with the story.
Oh. How did I not like this the first time? Bah. Liked now. I'll leave the nitpicking to other people.
I don't even know which reread time I'm on but we back
i decided to restart this because it has been a little bit since I read one of your story's and also I can not remember where I left off on the soldier and hope but this one is definitely my favorite of the other ones
Yeah, if anyone knows where Twilight is at mentally, it would be Pinkie... She's got her own fair share of demons hidden away
I'm getting Plasma Burst 2 vibes, but I doubt that's what she went through, as the names don't sound right to my, admittedly spotty when it comes to the game, memories. But I love me some Badass Post Isekai Twilight, so I'm gonna read some more.
11605175
Hope you enjoy and would love to hear thoughts on things if you're willing.
For some reason I was expecting years. I guess she speedran years of events into half a year.
Well Twilight might as well be a full on robot, also cybernetic brain? How were they able to transfer the memories of the old brain to a cybernetic one?