A man escaping the grip of torture finds a way to leave. A way to find his family again. Join him as he finds a way back to where he belongs, where his love truly is.
Join him as he marches through the shadows of his world.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 1st Apr, 2015
- offline last seen June 3rd
HopeForTheFew
I am just a simple guy, creating stories for the fun of it.
HopeForTheFew
Joined 1st Apr, 2015 ·
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Once more you've gone and made a dark and gritty story and made me want more
by the way, first time you've made retch so well done
6876112 Whos retch? Also, thank you!
6876148 sorry made me retch (that sort of cough thing you do when something makes you want to be sick)
6876170 I have bad experience with ripped of nails
6876170 Ohhh ok then.
6876180 Yeah, got the inspiration for it because the Japanese used to do it as a torture tactic in WW2
6876273 my experience was a skateboard being kicked at me when I was wearing sandles and it took off my big toe nail and two years later a brick falling did the same thing to the same foot
6876303 Ouch, that's gotta hurt.
6876340 like you wouldn't believe, the brick made my foot feel as though i kicked through a wasp nest barefoot and the left my foot in it just for the hell of it
6876348 Well... Shit son...
6876380 yeah since that point nail gore in books, games and films have made me feel a bit ill
Jesus christ this shit is dark.
Well... You achieved all of your tags in the first chapter... I can't go further than that or it will get depressing.
6876409 That's the name of the game mate.
6876424 ... Wait, I'm confused. Did I do something wrong?
6876431 I give it a ten out of ten to be
...
But the tags that you achieved to get in the first chapter lets me go into depressing matters more than anything else...
I'm sorry
6876426 No i mean so dark that a kid would shit himself
6876446 Why would you be sorry mate? If you ever need any help mate, I'm here for you.
6876470 Well then my goal is complete!
6876488 *clap* *clap* you just made my 13 yr old bro throw up while he was eating
6876486 I can get into my head about a sad story almost instantaneously, but I need a lot of time to get out.
6876470 a normal little kid, yes... Teenagers and 'unique' kids, no,
Unique teenagers though... Not in a thousand years.
6876505 Well take your time then mate.
6876522 was the man taken from his family? We're they killed? Why was he not recognized if he has been there for the amount of time he was there? Is Shining Armor the only one alive that knows about how the man got there? Why is the man there? Will Shining Armor die? Will Cadence be widowed? What will the foal think when he/she learns that his/her father was killed in his own home? What will happen to the man? What will happen to the child? What will happen to Shining Armor? What about Cadence? How would Twilight and by extension, Equestria be effected by this???
THINK OF THE CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just a few questions and a point I think that should be considered...
6876520 k den
6876559 ... Mate, there are two more chapters waiting, I haven't even thought up everything, I can assure you though, all those things and more will be addressed.
Most will be in the second chapter.
6876987 ok... Hopefully it will be a satisfying two chapters.
6877007 I'll try my best mate!
6877037 that is all that I ask.
Most of what has been asked has been answered, but those questions have been replaced, let's see what the future holds...
6896086 The end comes in the next chapter...
6898277 around and around time Twilight goes, what happens next? Nopony knows.
Excellent story.
6990866 Thank you my friend!
6991060 no problem... It gave me a good helping of the feels
I believe you might want to get someone to go over the chapters, as there were a number of grammatical and spelling errors. Aside from that, this is an interesting story, but perhaps the actions of Shining Armor and Celestia might have a more profound impact on us if their actions had a history to them? Why does Shining enjoy torture? What made Celestia so cold-hearted and vicious?
Ezn, the individual who gave FimFiction its Writing Guide under the FAQ button, described the issues some (grim)dark stories have, and how to resolve them. His explanations have helped me. Perhaps he could do the same for you?
I apologize if I seem to be negatively criticizing your story, as that was not my intent. I see potential in this story, and am just giving my two bits as to how, I believe, it may be improved upon. In the end, this is your story, and whether my comments are disregarded, taken at face value or with a grain of salt, I enjoyed it.
Sincerely,
-Ru
7188749 I'm glad you enjoyed it somewhat mate. And I realize that when I wrote it, it had quite a few errors. What I've always found was I would only go over each chapter, once. But I later found out how much editing helps a story with Mockingbird. A story I wrote not too long ago.
Anyway, thanks mate I do appreciate it.
Cheers!
7188901 Cheers!
-Ru
A very good story, I never thought to see Psincess Celastia as a villain
8339143 Thanks for checking this story out mate.
And yes, I did want to make this story different to what many appear today as. However, I do fear I failed in that task for the grammar isn't too good.
8339244
I liked it a lot, it's something different and I enjoy it keep up the good work
Still like making weak as heck protagonists I see. Winning in the end granted, but he still took a major beating and nearly lost.
8542081 Nowadays as I look back on my older stories I see how trash they are. However, this one, like many others, was just another stepping stone in making me a better writer.
Is this chapter a Don Henley reference?! Good story so far!
9408057 Thank you.