Twilight Sparkle is called to Canterlot Castle where something has happened to Princess Luna that has reverted her to a weakened state, she has to live with Twilight whilst she recuperates her magic.
Chapters (22)
- Member Since 10th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen May 26th, 2018
arandompenguin
I do things occasionally.
arandompenguin
Joined 10th Apr, 2012 ·
Offline
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arandompenguin · 21k words · 442 17 · 7.3k views
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hmm intersting beginning. lets se where it leads us.
i may be wrong here but aren't quotation marks supposed to mark speech, you seems to be using ' instead of ", not sure if it matters though.
Interesting beginning thought...
okay, i'll track this and see where it goes :3
Chapters are a bit short, just when things start to get moving it ends. Interested to see where it goes though.
689579
I never really use speech marks to show speech, I'm not sure why. Thanks for the feedback though.
689740
Later chapters will likely be longer, don't worry, Thanks for the feedback.
689621
Thanks!
hmm...will read later, and by mild shipping do you mean mild shipping or friendshipping?
(Friendshipping is basically them being really, really good friends but not quite in a shipping way)
692532
To be honest, I'm not really sure where I'm going to go after chapter 4, so at that point I'm open to suggestions. If you guys want something different I'll change the tags accordingly, I put mild shipping to sort of put a compromise between shipping and friendshipping.
Ooookay, before I say anything else I will say that I've been enjoying this story,and that magical frequency idea I found very intriguing. However, the bit about only being to change frequency once and then never again seems like an awfully contrived notion, at the very least I think you need to offer some kind of explanation for that. If I may offer an alternate suggestion(with all due respect, I don't want you to feel like I'm interfering with your story), maybe the nature of the divine magical frequencies causes her to be stuck once she tunes into it or something like that.
Once again, I'm enjoying the story but that really kept me from enjoying the rest of the chapter fully.
Also, I don't like harping on grammar and the like but I think some editing could be helpful as well.
The errors, while minor, occur frequently enough to interfere with your storytelling. What really threw me is the complete lack of characterization: every pony in this story has identical speech patterns. They're just puppets placed into the story so you can write dialogue.
695133
You know, I've been thinking about that, and I've come up with the idea the your magical state is a fragile thing and changing your frequency alters almost everything in it, thus making it unstable, hence the linkage between ponies magic if they have the same frequency. In this unstable state, if you attempt to change your magic once more it would break your magic. Also, this explains why the other pony can't just change away from the pony who changed to their frequency as they are linked so it would still alter the other's magic enough to break it. I know that sounds a bit rambly but I think I'll add it in in the next chapter, hopefully better written. Also, if you find errors I would be more than happy to alter the story, I'm not the best at grammar. Thanks for the feedback though.
695304
I'm not so good at speech patterns but I know what you mean, this is my second fanfic, the first one was really crap so I don't really count it. I may go back and change the dialogue to more fit the characters, especially Luna. Thanks for the feedback, I'll also try to fix up any errors I find, if you find any though please point them out and I'll alter the story. Thanks for the feedback though.
689523
Thanks, I hope you stick around for the later chapters.
695424
I think it would be unnecessary that the second pony (Luna) couldn't change their magic to another pony's since that wouldn't really solve the problem anyways. And the fact that you can't change your magic back is pretty obvious since you would have to touch a spell with your old frequency, but you don't have that anymore so that is simply impossible...
695629
Well, that makes more sense than my ramblings, I'll add it in somewhere. Thanks for the feedback.
nice, if you cleaned up your grammar a little it would be even better but for now i can manage.
695715
Thanks, also yeah, I need an editor. I don't suppose anyone wants to volunteer?
695727
I would offer but that means work X D, besides i doubt i have the greatest idea of grammatical constructs compared to other people. Good luck on your hunt though!
695755
Yeah, work isn't my favourite thing in the world. Thanks anyway though.
The thing about the logic of of it is that it doesn't necessarily have to work according to the way we think, part of my issue of getting past that was thinking about frequency the way I think about normal light or sound frequencies, as long as you can establish the rules of magical frequency as separate from those of other kinds of wavelengths then you can basically make up any explanation you want. The way it currently sounds would be like someone changing the natural frequency at which they speak, which is entirely possible, it just takes time and effort, why wouldn't they be able to change back. I'm not sure how I feel about the fragility explanation but it would take me a long time to explain and I have to go to work. As for that second explanation, I am not sure I understand what you mean, in order to change frequency to start with she has to touch a frequency that is not her own. Honestly I've been thinking and I think the best way to go about explaining this would be to say that frequency is just a layman's term, that it is not actually a wavelength, or that it is used to describe the light wavelengths given off, but it is an entirely separate quality.
696043
I've given up on that whole fragility thing and gone with Drakinho's idea of not being able to touch your original magic. As for why you need to touch the magic of the frequency you wish to change to is because magic is within you, it cannot be measured by conventional means, the same way you cannot measure your soul. This means that you cannot find out the frequency of any magic. However, if you touch the magic then your magic will unconsciously feel the frequency, envisioning the colour of the magic makes your mind unconsciously find the frequency and finally by sending magic out it will link the two frequencies together, binding you to it and switching your frequency. Also, by frequency I mean that everypony has a unique frequency, like a radio station that cannot be altered apart from through this method. However, I get what you mean about frequency mostly meaning light waves etc. I might think of a different word sometime, unless you have any suggestions.
You know, that makes more sense in my mind. I might add a footnote or something with an extract from Starswirl the Bearded's scroll explaining this, hopefully better written than this reply.
Nice promising introduction and an interesting concept. You have my Thumbs up and tracking there can never be enough
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png stories
I caught one little Grammar error while I usualy just life with these I stumbled over that one in Chapter 1
"One of the hardest spells she had put on it was when she 12 and she had ran out of room in the book." I think there needs to be a "was" added
looking forward of Twilight nursing back Luna to Strengh. Cuteness ensues
696270
Twiluna is best shipping pair. Thanks for pointing out that error, I fixed it up now. Also, if you have any suggestions, I'm open.
MOAR LunaXTwilight stories!!!
great work so far. tracked and looking forward to the next chapter
698647
Thanks, I am currently writing Chapter 4 as I write this comment, If you want to see my progress on the next chapter click on the googledocs link, however anything you see there is subject to change.
I like the excerpt being put in like this. A nice little intermission making me want to read the next chapter even more to see where you're taking it. Definitely going to be tracking.
700181
Thanks, but you're gonna have to thank Hay Hooves for the excerpt, he wrote it all.
im hooked, that magical frequency link thing was something i did not expect.
Good stuff~
701521
Thanks, to be honest I didn't expect it either.
701853
good chapter
did you format it this way on purpose or did it just kind of happen, it's a little annoying to read it like that. another thing you could consider is to use double quotation mark (") (instead of single (')) for conversations and single quotation mark for thoughts; reason im suggesting this is because i wager pretty much everyone is very unaccustomed to your style as most other author i know of on this site uses those "rules" i suggested. it's not that annoying; it's just very noticeable
706333
Oh dang, it does that when I copy/paste from Word to GoogleDocs, I'll fix that immediately. Also, I may go back and switch those apostrophes to the double quotation marks soon. By the way, I have very little idea of where to go with this, any ideas? Thanks for the feedback.
706388
since there magic is connected i think it could lead to an empathy link where they slowly discover how each others lives are lived, and that gradually lets them understand each other on a very deep an emotional level?
706388
If you don't know where to go from this chapter in particular, you could have Celestia/Luna explain what happens when a pony changes their frequency (You make it up, its your story; although feel free to ask for ideas). I'd also like it if you explain why Luna's appearance changed (Although I think I know why).
It would also be fun if you have a chapter of relationship building, such as how Luna and Twilight interact in the dream realm, or how their magic will affect each of them.
If you still don't know what you want to do, you could have Twilight sent back to Ponyville and show how her life has changed with her frequency.
I have a couple other ideas if you are interested, although you may want to give me some context of what you are planning on doing.
707509
Hmm, that's a good idea, having their link spread to their emotions. Thanks.
707869
I have an idea at the moment of why Luna has changed, I'll put that in. Also, having Celestia/Luna explain it to Twilight is a good idea, I'll probably add that too. As for the relationship building, that is also a good idea, and so is the Twilight being sent back to Ponyville... hmm, these are all good ideas. Thanks!
nice chapter, looking forward to the next one
! i hope you don't run out of ideas though, i hate it when a story goes cold because of lack of material...
Man this is getting good!
MOAR!!!!!
713024
Thanks, don't worry I've got a couple of ideas stashed away.
714192
Thanks! There will be more soon enough.
Wooooah this story is getting good now, I can feel it! Thanks for writing this, it's pro. Pro.
715853
Thanks! It's comments like this that make me carry on writing.
715855
And it's writers like you that keep me reading.
715858
I'm glad we can help each other
This Concept is so good and Lunas predictment is explained so well and now there even is a nice telling Picture to go with it unless that means Lunas getting cut in half soon.
"Of course Luna meant to join her in her dreams, not in her bedroom"
I had to do a double take, turn around and level a disapproving frown at my dirty dirty Mind there.
721437
Thanks! However, I don't think that Luna will be cut in half anytime soon *shifty look*, also, it didn't even cross my mind that that sentence could be taken the wrong way until just now, now can't stop thinking about it
this is getting better and better, my only tiny problem is that it's a little.. what's the word.. "clumped up"? Agh. it's a little hard to read from time to time.
It's nothing major, other then that, i have nothing but praise!
<3
725585
Yeah, I always write like I'm writing an essay, it annoys me sometimes but I can't stop. Sorry, hope you stick around for the rest of the story.