The light fades from around us as we see that we are standing in the snow dusted streets of what I assume to be Canterlot. Having never been to Canterlot before (or in Equestria at all for that matter), I am wowed by the sheer majesty the city, its architecture, and the stunning yuletide decorations that line every building and every streetlamp: wreaths, mistletoe, holly, you name it. It’s like living inside the Christmas display at Marshall Fields. Shining Armor and Cadance giggle as they watch mine and Penny’s faces scan the area like a child in a candy emporium.
Like back home, the weather is very nice for winter. It’s just below freezing so that the snow could gently fall, but there’s not a gust of wind whipping in our faces, allowing our jackets to keep us warm and comfortable. I feel bad seeing that all Shining Armor and Cadance are wearing are scarves and a hat, but remembering that they are ponies and are “built” for being in this weather without protection, I scoff with a smile, leaving a puff of vapor to float in the air.
“So what do you think?” asks Shining Armor. “Isn’t the city beautiful?”
“Yes,” I sigh, still taken in by its majesty. “It’s absolutely gorgeous.”
“God,” Penny exclaims, “the venues here must be stunning! I sure hope to go to one once in my life!”
“Well,” Cadance chuckles, “why not now?”
“Huh?”
“Yeah,” explains Shining Armor, “we have four front row center tickets to the Hearth’s Warming Eve pageant at the Canterlot Palace.”
“Wait,” Penny says, holding her finger up exaggeratingly, “so not only are we going to go see a show, but it’s at the freaking palace?”
“Well, yeah.”
Penny squeals with delight and runs over and hugs Shining Armor and then Cadance, her “thank yous” becoming near-inaudible squeaks. I can’t help but chuckle at Penny’s gratefulness and Shining Armor and Cadance’s generosity, and I give both of them a more respectable and friendly hug.
“Thanks guys,” I say to Shining Armor.
Turning my body the other way, I stifle my giggles of anticipation, trying my hardest not to spill the surprise I’ve got for my three friends.
“The pageant starts in about thirty minutes,” Cadance chirps, “so we might as well get a move on.”
“Right!” I agree, carrying my luggage and my guitar case on the ground.
Penny picks up her bags as well as her bass guitar case and waits for our pony friends to lead the way.
Once Shining Armor and Cadance begin walking, Penny and I follow closeby. The first thing I happen to notice is that the other ponies, who I would have assumed to be frightened by our appearance, actually glance at us with cheerful expressions, as if we were celebrities. Confused, I walked up close to Shining Armor.
“Hey,” I ask. “What’s with the ponies? Shouldn’t they be scared of us or something?”
“I can’t see why not,” he answers with a slight giggle. “You see, after we came back from your world after you took us in, the tale of your hospitality spread throughout Equestria, and they look at you with respect and honor. Not to mention, it’s the holidays. Everyone’s cheerful.”
“I heard that!” Penny exclaims.
“Not only that, but Princess Celestia has made you her VIP guests at the castle for your stay, and has requested that you share a drink with her and Princess Luna after the pageant.”
“Stay? Castle? Wait, so you’re saying–”
“Yes, Penny,” answers Cadance. “You’ll be staying at the castle for Hearth’s Warming Eve.”
Penny’s jaw drops in the most adorable way.
“Shut. Up!”
“I can shut up if you like,” Cadance answers giddily, “but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re staying in the castle!”
Penny squeaks once again as she quickly kicks her knees up as she walks.
“It’s okay,” I tell my love. “We’re staying at a castle, not Disneyland.”
“Exactly!” shouts Penny, brimming with childlike joy. “We’re staying at a castle! What’s the difference?”
Good point.
After a pleasant walk, we finally reach the castle walls which is guarded by two armored guards who are letting a large line of ponies in who were ready to see the pageant.
“And speaking of Disneyland,” I say in the best comedic deadpan I could give, “lines.”
Penny playfully slaps my arm as Shining Armor and Cadance lead us straight to the guards, bypassing all of the ponies still waiting to enter.
“Hey!” calls one of the guards. “If it isn’t Shining Armor and his lovely wife.”
“Oh, go on,” Cadance says, pawing the air and blushing.
“And you brought your guests!”
“Yes,” Shining Armor introduces us, “Spearhead, Golden Brace. These are my two friends Ian Carlington and Penny Lewis.”
We shake both of the guards’ hooves with smiles on all of our faces.
“Shining’s told us lots about the two of you,” says Spearhead.
“Hopefully not too much,” Penny wittily retorts, earning a warm chuckle from all of us.
“Well,” Golden Brace said, “I don’t want to keep you any longer. Enjoy the show, you guys!”
“Always do, Brace,” Shining Armor said with a wave.
The guards let us pass on and towards the castle on a drawbridge over the frozen moat. In all honesty, I was feeling uptight looking at the water. More uptight than I should be on a day like today. It’s all going to work today. I know it will.
By the time we get in, the first thing Penny and I want to do was look around the place. There are enough stained glass walls in this room to make the Notre Dame blush, and the ivory and marble pillars were stunning to look at. However, we were not here to look at art.
Cadance slips Penny’s faux fur jacket from her torso, revealing the sparkling red dress that a friend of Shining Armor’s sister, Twilight, made for her birthday. Shining Armor also begins to take my jacket off, but I stop him in time.
“Wait,” I calmly protest, “I left my wallet in my pocket.”
I saw as Penny’s head was turned away to look at more of the palace, so I quickly grasp the box of her ring from my pocket, hoping to conceal it further, and slip it into my frontal pants pocket.
“Okay,” I say, giving Shining Armor the go-ahead. “Thank you.”
Once, he take my jacket off, showing my white shirt and red tie, Shining Armor and Cadance trot over to place our coats at the coat check. I stand next to Penny with her opposite my ring pocket.
“So,” I told her. “Are you ready for the show?”
“Ian,” she says in her calming tone of voice, “I know it’s a pageant held at the equivalent of the White House, but it’s still a pageant.”
And it will be the best one you ever attend.
Shining Armor and Cadance come back.
“Shall we take our seats?” asks Shining Armor.
“Yes,” I agree. “Let’s.”
Walking up the stairs and to the left, we come into a large chamber with both sides emblazoned with more stained glass art and holiday decorations. In the center of the chamber, there are rows of ponies sitting down to watch the show, but we passed them all, getting to our seats at the very front, with a deep red stage with a lime-green tent above it.
Penny and I’s previous dinner-and-a-movie night was when we went and saw a screening of Anna Karenina in downtown Chicago. I can’t help but be reminded of it upon looking at the stage. Of course, we’re missing another of our ritual dates for this, but I know it will be totally worth it.
Once we take our seats, I browse more around the room, looking for a specific someone.
“What’s wrong?” Shining Armor whispers in my ear.
“Where’s the princess?” I ask.
“She usually sits in the balcony near the back of the hall. She likes to ensure that her subjects get the best seats. Besides, she’s seen this show hundreds of times… literally.”
I chuckle, knowing full well how old Celestia was. It doesn’t matter. As long as she’s here, my plan will work out.
Minutes feel like hours as we wait for the show to begin, and sure enough, the lights from the torches that are lighting the halls begin to dim, finally signaling the start of the show. A spotlight hits the stage and a tune from a harpsichord sounds before the curtains are drawn back, revealing a small, purple dragon in formal noble attire standing in front of a fireplace. Penny and I silently giggle at the silliness and cuteness of the sight, but he begins anyway.
“Once upon a time,” he starts, as stories often start, “long before the peaceful rule of Celestia, and before ponies discovered our beautiful land of Equestria, ponies did not know harmony.”
I am impressed. His iambic pentameter is spot on, really putting me in a very Shakespearean mood.
“It was a strange and dark time,” the dragon continues, “a time when ponies were torn apart… by hatred!” he hissed in a more sinister tone.
The ponies, in response, gasp in fright, horrified at such a prospect. Even Shining Armor and Cadance gasp along with them.
“I know,” the dragon says to the crowd in a much more casual tone, “can you believe it?”
Penny and I just smile wide as the show goes on.
“This gon’ be a good show,” whispers Penny.
As the pageant continues, we learn of the three pony tribes as they were divided by a blizzard that caused famine, and thus, issues between the soon to be warring tribes. Already, the set design is magnificent, only reminding me further of Karenina.
Soon, I meet Clover the Clever, and I instantly recognize her: Twilight Sparkle, Shining Armor’s sister. He did say on the walk here that her and her friends would be reenacting the pageant as they did the previous year due to the massive positive reception. I can see why. The performances are fun and make the surprisingly dark story quite enjoyable.
Soon, the ponies trek out to find a new home, which would become Equestria, led by their three bigoted leaders and followed by their more liberal lackeys, each one having a silly and suitable name. Upon finding the land, the ponies are stuck inside a cave and are frozen in by windigoes (very clever), creatures that freeze the area around them when they see hatred and discontent.
However, because of the lackeys’ putting their differences aside and loving each other unconditionally, they are able to defeat the windigoes with a magical flame that also frees them. The leaders then resolve to end their prejudices and hate against their fellow pony and create Equestria together.
As touching as the story was, I knew it was ending, and soon, my plan will begin, and I’m about to start sweating bullets. As a chorus of singing rings through the hall in the form of the Hearth’s Warming Eve Carol, I await for the end to come as it finally does, closing the curtains on the six main characters and the draconic narrator, resulting in thunderous applause and cheers.
The curtains open again to reveal Twilight and her pony friends staying onstage for bows. Knowing the moment was coming soon, I pull a Flip video camera from my pocket, turned it on, and hit record, placing it in front of Shining Armor.
“What do you want me to with this?” he asked.
“Just keep that camera aimed on Penny and I at all times, no matter what,” I instruct, followed by a determined nod.
Upon the clapping dying down, I finally hear Celestia’s voice. I have never heard it myself before, but her voice was ethereal. It had a commanding tone while sounding kind and motherly as well.
“Thank you all for attending this pageant,” she spoke. “The tale of Hearth’s Warming Eve is a timeless tale that shows the true bonds of friendship, something that each pony holds dear to their heart.
“However, it was only half a year ago that another tale had become heard throughout the land of Equestria. One about the royal guard and his wife ending up in a completely different world from their own. Despite the fear they felt upon being so very far away, two young creatures took them in and kept them warm, fed, and safe.
“Because of them, my niece and her husband are safely here with us tonight!”
A spotlight shines on both Shining Armor and Cadance, the audience giving applause to them.
“And because of their selflessness and capacity for love, I have invited them both here today. So without further ado, I’d like to welcome to the stage, Mr. Ian Carlington and Penny Lewis!”
The spotlight shifts to us now, forcing me to pull Penny up by her hand and escort her onstage with me, where we are now subject to the audience’s applause. Shining Armor, as instructed, kept the camera on us. We can also hear the show’s stars behind us as well, but once the clapping and clopping dies down, I can finally begin.
“Thank you,” I begin, my voice carrying rather well. “As Celestia told you, the two of us took Shining Armor and Cadance in after I literally found them at my doorstep, freezing in the rain. I had no idea what to do with them first, honestly, but after I got to know them and they got to know me, I formed an unbreakable bond with them, and soon they became my very best friends.”
More applause, but I put my hands up in silence, wanting to continue badly.
“However, I cannot begin to tell you all how indebted to them I truly am. Before I had met them, a bitter divorce and my father’s death disillusioned all sense of friendship and love from me. From that day on, I had planned on living my life alone and stay alone until the day I died.”
Ponies now gasp at this prospect, but I continue.
“However, these two taught me through their love and kindness how important it is to have friends, and through their guidance, they helped me meet, befriend, and fall in love with Penny here.”
Penny was feeling slightly embarrassed at being put on like this, but she grew more confident as the ponies cheered her on as well, quieting down soon after.
“The next six months I spent with Penny up until now have been the absolute best of my life. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d meet a more talented, pretty, funny, smart, and charming young woman like herself,” I continued, grabbing her left hand. “However, I can unfortunately say that I’m not entirely happy. Not yet, that is…”
I turn from the audience to face her, and in the final moment of truth, I kneel down on one knee. Penny’s smile turns into a gasp of shock, cupping her hands over her mouth and tears streaming from her face. The audience at first seems confused, but as soon as I pull out the box and reveal its contents to Penny, the crowd goes ecstatic.
Shining Armor and Cadance inhale deeply with their eyes and smiles widening, about to witness a most beautiful moment. The show’s stars also begin chattering excitedly, knowing exactly what I am about to do. Penny, on the other hand, is completely ecstatic. Although her face looks like an incorrigible sadness, I know she’s still overcome with happiness over what I am doing. She tries fanning her face with her hand, but it’s not helping. The cheering begins to die down, allowing me to finish.
“Penny,” I say, choking up myself. “These ponies have shown through their pageant that love and friendship carries us through the darkest of moments. Because of that, I know I want you to be there with me through those moments. But that’s not all. I want you to continue going out to dinner with me, I want to continue going to the movies with you every Sunday, I want you to continue making music with me every day for as long as we both shall live.”
Shining Armor and Cadance are beside themselves at this point, and I can hear their sobs from the front of the audience. There are even sniffles coming from Twilight and her friends.
“If you want the same things as I do, if you love me the same way that I do and always will, then I have one question for you: Penny Lewis,” I declared, barely keeping it together, “will you marry me?”
It doesn’t take long for her to answer, as she nods her head with her arms raised for an oncoming embrace.
“Yes!” she cries.
With her confirming answer, I leap from my kneel and hug her as tight as I possibly can, our tears streaming down our backs. The cheers coming from the ponies are louder than ever before, but they are inaudible compared to the cheers coming from Shining Armor and Cadance, who are also crying their eyes out.
I pull Penny from our hug and we meet our faces together in a passionate kiss, continuing to be cheered on by the ponies in the crowd.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
June 7th, 2013
_________________________________________________________________________________________
I’m standing underneath the Crystal Palace as we are just concluding our wedding. Shining Armor stands by my side in his formal guard jacket as my Best Man (or Stallion), with my bandmates, Paul, Mickey, and Samuel, as well as a few of Shining Armor’s old friends from the Guard, as my groomsmen.
Cadance can’t be Penny’s Maid (or Mare) of Honor, because she’s serving as our pastor of sorts. Instead, Rainbow Dash, whom Penny got to know more as we began visiting Equestria more and more frequently, serves as Mare of Honor in her stead, with Twilight Sparkle (who has since become an alicorn) and her friends as the bridesmaids.
There isn’t a dry eye among either of us or those in attendance, who entirely consist of ponies from Shining Armor and Cadance’s new home at the Crystal Empire, as well as some family and friends of the groomsmen and the bridesmaid. The turnout was unbelievable.
Behind Cadance is a teal, crystal heart held and levitating in between two long, icicle-like pillars. I don’t know of its function or why its glowing like it is, but it doesn’t matter to me. I longingly look at my bride in her stunning white and gold wedding dress, once again, beautifully designed and made by Rarity, as Cadance begins to cap the wedding off.
“Do you, Ian Carlington,” Cadance asks me, “take Penny Lewis to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish her from this day forward for as long as you both shall live?”
“I do,” I say with a confident smile, truthfully speaking every word.
“And do you, Penny Lewis, take Ian Carlington to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish him from this day forward for as long as you both shall live?”
“I do,” she says.
“May the Best Stallion present the rings, please?”
Shining Armor produces a red pillow with both of our wedding rings on them in his magical grasp. Cadance then takes the rings from the pillow and magically places them on our fingers.
“By the power invested in me,” concludes Cadance, “I now pronounce you, man and wife! You may kiss your bride.”
Penny and I meet each other back into the center and embrace our lips with each other’s, fueled on by the applause coming from the crowd, the groomsmen, and the bridesmaids.
“Fillies and gentlecolts, I present to you, the loving couple, Mr. and Mrs. Ian and Penny Carlington!”
The cheers are now heard as I continue kissing my bride. Though my eyes are closed, I hear the crystal heart shimmering and whirring, and I can sense a bright light beneath us through my closed eyelids. The light then suddenly fades as I can sense a similar brightness from where the Crystal Heart is. What follows is the sudden relinquishing of the light and a bass-filled shooting sound shooting into the air. Then, a large explosion is heard over head, causing Penny and I to stop our kiss.
“Ian!” called Penny. “Fireworks!”
We both run from off the makeshift altar and from underneath the Crystal Palace. We are amazed to see a bright shining star high above the palace with multicolored aurora’s dancing in the sky.
Certainly a lot cooler than fireworks.
We then see a rainbow colored contrail fly high into the sky from underneath the palace and towards the star. Upon hitting it, Rainbow Dash emits a large, rainbow-colored ring that spreads across the sky in a thick ripple, as well as a rainbow-colored contrail following the cyan pegasus.
“So that’s a Sonic Rainboom,” sighs Penny, taking in the beauty of our wedding.
We then look to the back of the aisle to see a shining, crystal carriage pulling up and being drawn by four crystal stallions. Looking a back at each other, we run to the carriage, ready to head to the reception. Before we can climb in, Penny takes her bouquet and and tosses it behind her head as high as she can. The mares all clamor to catch it, and it looks like it will be caught by Pinkie Pie, but suddenly, the rainbow blur whooshed by and the bouquet was gone.
“You snooze, you lose!” Rainbow Dash giggles, holding her prize triumphantly.
Penny and I laugh heartily as Rainbow Dash dances in the air with her bouquet in her hand. Before we have another chance to hop inside the carriage, we are stopped by Shining Armor and Cadance, who quickly trot over to us, with Samuel, Mickey, and Paul following close.
“Hey,” called Shining Armor. “Don’t we get to congratulate you on your big success.”
“How could we forget?” I say, giving Shining Armor the tightest hug I’ve ever given him.
Cadance is also giving Penny a tight hug. Once we finish, Penny and I hug the respective other.
“We’re so proud of you both,” Cadance squeaks, trying to keep her tears in check.
Once the hugging is over, I can’t help but notice the tears forming at Shining Armor’s eyes.
“Dude,” I say with a joking smile, “you gotta’ keep that liquid pride in check.”
“I’ll be sure to do that,” chuckles Shining Armor with a lump in his throat.
“How’s the setup, Mickey?” I asked.
“Splendid,” he annouces with full enthusiasm. “Just gotta’ go up and play.”
“Anyways,” Paul says, “we’ll meet you all at the reception.”
“Congrats, you two,” Samuel says.
“Thanks,” I call, giving them a wave.
I help my bride into the carriage with the typical “Just Married” sign on the back before climbing in myself. As the carriage begins to pull away, I wave at all my friends and the other attendees as they get smaller by the second. It isn’t until I spot Shining Armor and Cadance again, that I feel my eyes watering and my tears rolling down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” Penny chides, “but who has to get their liquid pride in check?”
Smiling at her witty statement, I wipe my eyes and jump back onto the seat, snuggling up to my wife. My beautiful, lovely wife. A wife I wouldn’t have hoped to meet if it wasn’t for them. As the buildings on the street continue to pass us, I can only imagine how our own road will go from here.
All I know, is that with Penny, Shining Armor, and Cadance by my side, I can see no smoother road to travel on.
Gad that was a sweet bonus chapter!
Thank you for that!
D'aww
So touching
(needs tears of joy pony emote )
I thought this fine story was over, but I was glad to be proved wrong, yet another good chapter of their life. nice!
Did spot one correction that needs to be made."Cadance can’t be Cadance’s Maid (or Mare) of Honor" should probably be "Cadance can’t be Penny's Maid (or Mare) of Honor", I'm assuming?
Nice little bonus.
Yaaayayayayayayayayayayayayayaysyaysyayay never thought this chapter would come out. So touching =,)
I'm choosing to review this as a bit of a challenge, since while it's not particularly bad, it's not really all that good, and it's these kinds of fics that are more difficult to give an honest and hopefully constructive review.
I want to start out by saying that there are two good premises within this story which could have been used to a much better extent. The first being the idea of a married couple from Equestria coming to earth; this gave it a chance to set it appart from other "pony on earth" fics by that distinction. Having someone that your are close to, with you in a foreign setting can create great drama between the couple as the extent of their bond is tested. Plus they have someone with them to provide comfort, and this can be the foundation for good pathos within a story. The second idea being that Cadence and Shining play matchmaker for a human on earth. This just sounds like an interesting story that makes sense, as Cadence's talent is in love and showing that Cadence can do her job regardless of cultural differences can make for some fun events. Now the reason I say they could have been interesting is in the problem's in how it was presented.
As interesting as these concepts are, they're actually given barely enough time to be considered concepts at all. Scenes like the ponies culture not meshing with ours, The main character learning more about them, or even that they're freaking ponies on earth are glanced over and rarely brought up again except for a few key moments. In fact what did they do while he was gone, it's never brought up again, and we never get a good explanation. Part of it comes from the choice of perspective for the story, as I personally think that going with a first person perspective with the amount of detail this fic has was a mistake. I believe that the fic would have been better from the third person as it would give a chance to get more information from all parties and you wouldn't have to resort to a one chapter perspective shift to get a minute amount of character development because your main character holds a nine to five job. Then again the gaps caused by a first person perspective could have been filled by putting in more character interactions where details about Shining and Cadence could have been given, and unfortunately this fic doesn't do that, leaving The two ponies to come off as flat showing far more interest in the life of the main character and his new girl friend. For example: the beginning chapters have most of it about Ian at his shop, with most scenes ending with him just waving at the two and going to bed.....What!!? Nothing else about the two ponies currently chilling in your hot tub? Any questions about what the hay they've been doing with your stuff while you're away? Any book they may have come upon? Any movie they figured out how to watch? Questions like this not only help develop the characters as they interact with one another, but can flesh out the fictional environment of the story. Another example being the weekend off near the end of the story where Cadence and Shining talk about Equestria more (something they should have done far earlier in the story), and you chose to write it like this:
"Shining Armor and Cadance spend a lot of time talking about the various towns of Equestria, including the one where Shining Armor’s sister, Twilight Sparkle, lives: Ponyville. They also talk about the various holidays which Penny and I humorously compare to our own. It is a pleasant conversation."
While many aspects about the conversation you could have gone into are known by the reader, you not only miss out on the reactions of the characters upon this new information, you aslo miss out on coming up with your own idea on Shining's and Cadences lives outside of the show. While you spend far more time about Ian's Mp3's
"I find it strange playing songs without the accompaniment of the rest of the instruments, but a friend from college developed a website where he sells “naked” tracks: MP3s of songs that don’t have one or more of the instruments so a person can play along on any given instrument without the actual part playing over, giving the player a sense that he/she is playing the song. I was a great benefactor in helping him record the guitar parts for certain songs, so he gave me a membership that guarantee’s free songs for life. "
I may be alone in the idea that the best fanfics integrate characters, concepts, or themes of the source material into the main characters, concepts or themes of the fanfiction. What I mean by that is that the fic should deal with things from the show/movie/book/etc. and integrate them into the narrative to the point where you could not remove the source without problems. For example: while the famous fic "My Little Dashie" may have its problems; it centers around the idea that not only does a man have to raise a magical creature in a suburban setting, but that he actually knows who that pony grows up to be, And to change it to another fictional character you would pretty much have to re-write the whole thing. Since in this story, most events involving Shining and Cadence were only glanced over, little would need to be done to change it. It says something when it's quick scenes that would need to be changed instead of chapters, and at some points only certain nouns and bit's of dialogue. I'm not saying that the fic is necessarily bad because of something like this, it's just that it feels like a missed opportunity to make this fic feel unique, fun, and more interesting.
While I do find the much of the plot moves kinda clumsily, I do find parts that have some heart to them. Both stories of Ian's and Penny's pasts do get close to being heart wrenching for me, hindered only by awkward phrasing here or there.
In summation I found that the foundation of the fic does have merit, but it's held back by not focusing enough on the actual ponies and more on the main character which in itself feels almost completely separate from the main concept, with sometimes awkward dialogue, and a plot that lacked flow or structure. I do hope that over I time you improve and make some great stuff I just didn't find this fic as enjoyable as it could have been.
Five Mustaches:
Out of ten
A decent bit of writing, that could have been much better.
Good Luck
BOOM! And this made my day!
Yoshi: SO HAPPY
You spoil us too much, you know that?
that was so heart felt! I found this story again but I forgot to fave it and comment! >< (kicks himself) this was a great chapter SO GREAT!
Chapter 10.
(normally I don't do this)
I was listening to 90125 while reading this, and Hearts started playing just as Ian proposed.
Guess the universe is just working in my favor today.
2808742
It's cool, it happens to everyone. If I had a dollar for every time I looked through my comments log and thought "What the hell was I thinking," I'd probably be retired by now.
This chapter has made me cry many a happy-tear. Well done, man.
I'll give this fic 10 mustaches:
I Cried Again but this time i couldn't stop until my Best Frien came in and found me reading this
While i enjoyed this story for the most part, i feel that as it progressed, all of the characters began to suffer from a Mary Sue character model. At some points, the dialogue feels unnatural, but that aside, great story!
AND THEN THEY FUCKED