High School can always be a troubling time when your the new kid. You don't have many friends, and all you have is your sibling. However as time goes on you forge new friendships, and new bonds that will last forever.
Chapters (7)
WeepingAngel2020
Joined 29th May, 2014 ·
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This block of text depresses me greatly...
Not for it's content, but for the fact that it is a block of text. This could be separated into a couple of smaller paragraphs, and would've been SO much easier to read...
Anyway... This prologue is a bit pointless. I'm sorry.
It's a boring way to start a story; it basically states what we already know about the characters. There is just too much tell, rather than show. It's better just to get right into action. That's why I suggest starting with dialogue -- if written well, can quickly get your readers interested and wanting to know more.
Some small grammar errors:
Should be, 'wear'.
cloth(s): fabric or material formed by weaving, knitting, pressing, or felting natural or synthetic fibers.
clothes: articles of dress; wearing apparel; garments.
4501209
thanks for telling me this, ill go about fixing it, and i would like to keep the prolouge, but i will try to fix it
maybe you could help me even
Let me guess... Rainbow's motorcycle broke down or Fluttershy didn't want to ride the motorcycle?
4503623
if you know rainbow dash, you know Fluttershy was scared to death while she drove
4503628
You are 120 percent correct. Poor Flutters.
I kind of actually do want to see Rainbow Dash on a motorcycle.
4503691
i thought a lot and decided that a motorcycle can be fast, and would suit dash the best
4501501
You're welcome! It's your decision if you want to change it or not, so do what you want.
I'll also comment on the second chapter as soon as I get some time.
4514513
Ok, thank you
well this is a fun story to read like the tempo of it so far and the story line. keep up the good work cant wait to see what will happen next.
4835805
Thanks for the support, I'm planning on adding a lot to thus story, but I'm stuck on who to pair caramel with
There = place
Their = people
Also, football practice starts Aug 1 a month before school starts.