Pinkie finds a wishing ring

by Rubyfire377

ohhh what does this ring do

It was just a normal day in Ponyvile until one day, Pinkie Pie was bouncing around and on the ground she sees a shiny ring, A pure simple ring that shines and it was beautiful too look at.

So Pinkie grabs the ring with her hoofs and says "ohhhh what does this ring do?"
"Its probably a magic ring that a dark lord used or it could be a magic ring that gives me magic OR OR, OR, maybe I should ask Twilight she knows all the magic maybe I should ask her."

Then Pinkie Pie bounced all the way to the Golden Oaks library. Then Pinkie Pie knocks on the door "Twilight, Twilight," she knocks again saying Twilight's name all over and over again.

Then Twilight came out the door with a yawn and said "Pinkie what do you need?"

Then Pinkie Pie said "look Twilight I find this ring and see if there is magic in it."

"Pinkie let me look at it," Twilight said.

Twilight use her magic too put on what looks like 3D glasses.

Now these glasses are special glasses they see if objects have magic in it or not clearly it would glow blue if it had any magic in it, if it did not then it would just be gray.

"Hmm this ring is clearly a magic ring but you found it first maybe you should have it," Twilight said.

Then Pinkie hugged Twilight so hard she could not breathe.

Twlight gave the ring to Pinkie, "Thank you, Thank you Twilight I will use it wisely," Pinkie Pie said.

Then from upstairs the purple Dragon named Spike came down.

"Oh hallo Pinkie," he said.

"Hey Spike lookie lookie I found a ring and its magic ring too and Twilight is letting me keep it," Pinkie said.

"Well good for you but I got to visit the Beautiful Lady Rarity and give this," Spike said.

Spike then gets out some beautiful red roses.

"AWW I do wish you two become a couple and fall in love," Pinkie said.

"Well thank you Pinkie I got to be off," Spike said and he leaves.

"Pinkie you think Spike and Rarity would become a couple," Twilight said.

"What they would, I would fill bad if they did not get together," Pinkie said.

"Well Pinkie be very careful what you wish for it may come true," Twilight said.

Then Pinkie said "okay dokie Loki well I got to see how this ring works bye Twilight." Then the ring on Pinkie Pie's hoof blinks a little.

Meanwhile at Carousel Boutique
Rarity was alone she then look at her Fire ruby necklace and was thinking of Spike. Then she heard a knock on her door and it was Spike holding red flowers.

"Oh Spike you did not have too," Rarity said.

Then Spike said, Rarity I did it because I love you, then Rarity face becomes red and she puts a hoof around Spike's shudder and starts kissing him on the lips.

Then Spike said this is to himself "this is random but I like it."

Then he and her deepen their kiss and then Sweetie Bell comes out of the kitchen and said "sister, sister I finally made lunch."

Then she sees Spike and Rarity making out and Sweetie Bell used a smoke bomb to get herself out of there and she said "this did not just happen."

Sweetie Bell did not expect this her sister and Spike kissing.

Then Sweetie Bell toke the risk and see if they where done and lord and behold there where done she was spying from around the corner like a ninja and she thought "does ninja classes her and her friends toke where wroth every bit."

She then sees them and holding hands and Spike said "Rarity my beloved well you go on a date if me?"

"Yes I will go on a date with you. Rarity said"

They both left the Boutique holding hands and Sweetie Bell said "what just happen?"

Later that day

Pinkie Pie is trying figure out how this ring works but its not shooting lasers or magic out of it.

Then Pinkie studied the ring to try and find but out of the corner of her eyes she sees Rarity and Spike having what looks like a romantic picnic with Spike, and he is playing a lute.

"Wait when they start dating I got to know," Pinkie thought too herself.

"Hey Spike, Rarity I did not know you two were dating right now," Pinkie said

"Oh hallo daring," Rarity said with a nervous smile.

Pinkie could see they where both nervous and clearly they did not expect Pinkie Pie, but anyone should expect Pinkie Pie because she Pinkie Pie.

"So when did you start?" Pinkie pie asked.

"Oh today I was thinking about the Fire ruby Spike gave me and all the times he's helped me, so I thought it was time so start are relationship together." Rarity said.

"So can I have a party for are lucky couple." Pinkie said.

Spike bit his lips and said "you know what Rarity I think we should tell are friends."

"You know what Spike I think we should," Rarity said.

"So I guess It's the Rarity becomes couple with Spike but I need to get the party equipment so I need to go." then Pinkie Pie bounded off as fast has she could go.

When Pinkie Pie got to Ponyvile she started to realized that she wished for Rarity and Spike too become a couple maybe.

Then Pinkie Pie said "I wish for 500 cupcakes." and lord and behold 500 cupcakes came out in front of her and Pinkie pie was very so happy that Pinkie Pie jumped up and down up and down literally.

"Oh my gosh its a wishing ring so what ever I wish for it comes true, Then Pinkie pie jumped up said this will be the BEST DAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!" and as soon as she said that her party cannons made a fire works display that said BEST DAY EVER!!!!

Author's Note:

Always listen to Twilight's words be careful for what you wish for because it may happen ohhh I cannot wait to see what more chaos I could unleash. ( I sound like Discord right now) but please comment and review my work and please be nice because this is my first fanfic.

Comments

[Alligator]

This...this grammar...
THE HORROR! THE HORROR!
Seriously though, this needs A LOT of work. I seriously emohasize that statement.

Don't feel bad though, Im only stating one opinion. Dont take this too seriously, I don't wanna be mean.

[Rubyfire377]

Thank for telling me this I will try hard next time

[Starlight Shadow]

The horror....the horror.....

[AwkwardTaco]

omai

The grammar. The story itself is also shit, but the grammar...

[Rubyfire377]

Well my story failed bad so I guess that I am going to wright a different story but now I Ruby Fire of Dragonvile deme this story cancelled!!!!

[Isseus]

How can you cram so many errors in such a short story? Takes talent to suck this bad.

[Rubyfire377]

Well I was in a rush but I learned never to rush my work again

[Lunette Nebula]

Okay, maybe I can fill in the place of being an editor.

[Loganberry]

Writing is an unforgiving business, isn't it? Especially when you post your very first fanfic on one of the biggest and most popular fanfic sites in the world!

I don't think it would help you if I sugar-coated my comment, so I'll be honest: this is not a good story. You mentioned that you rushed it, and that's rather obvious. Others have mentioned the grammar and spelling problems, but I think the real problem is that the story doesn't flow well. It jumps around all over the place, without ever settling down into a nice rhythm. The rather weird Rarity/Spike shipping bits don't help. There's a fun story to be written about Pinkie having adventures with a magic ring -- after all, the show itself showed what happened when Pinkie found a magic pool! -- but unfortunately this isn't that story.

I know it's a cliché to say "Keep writing!" but... well, keep writing. There's nothing wrong with making mistakes, as long as you learn from them and don't keep making the same mistakes. (So don't misspell Sweetie Belle's name again!) If you want to become a good writer, one of the things you'll need is a thick skin, since all writers get bad reviews sometimes. Writing is a craft, and apart from a very few geniuses nobody learns a craft instantly. Maybe one day you'll look back at this story and smile at how far you've come.

[Rakaziel]

The premise is good and your ideas are good. As for the writing, as it is it would work for a sceenplay.
Ultimately it boils down to two things you need to keep an eye on:

The first is ensuring a non-repetitve sentence structure, or the entire pacing comes to a stutter. The easiest way is to start no two sentences on the same page with the same word, except maybe for spoken dialogue. 'Then' is also pretty much the duct tape of sentence construction - it works well when you intentionally want a piece of dialogue to look improvised, for example to add a bit more realism to spoken dialogue, but aside from that you should only use it if you have no other way to describe in which order specific events happen. Given the unspoken assumption of the reader that the events pretty much happen in the order they read of them, 'then' is for the most part unnecessary in prose.

The second is to "Show, don't Tell." Describe what the characters see and feel instead of just describing what they are doing - of course you need to include the action, but need to give it an emotional tinge. Was it said? Or muttered? Has someone stomped, or have they sneaked, or maybe even backed away? And don't be afraid to use metaphors instead of comparisons or build them in when they simply fit better into the sentence.

Your ideas are good, and that is half of a good story. Now you just need a bit of practice at the other half.

[Rubyfire377]

3944678 Thank you I will use this knowledge and you are a also a really good friend to have and I did learn from my mistakes kind of but I am writing a new story its called Lightning Bolt the Musician maybe you can help me with it?

[Rakaziel]

3944695 Sure! Send me a PM with your story and I am your editor.

[Rubyfire377]

7125070 oh really :)

[Rubyfire377]

7125074 well I am working on another story A Game of Equestria its my pride and joy

[Rubyfire377]

7125084 it is I do think you should read it A Game of Equestria

[Rubyfire377]

7125094 ok

[Moon loving Changeling]

Funny story.