The Batty and the Shy

It's the day after Fluttershy was supposedly fixed by Twilight's spell, but it seems that she still have her fangs. As day turns into night, Fluttershy realizes that Flutterbat is not gone from her life just yet.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 12 )

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Arkan0id

Arkan0id #1 · Dec 31st, 2013 · · ·

Hi WolfTheWyvern. Interesting internal conflict/psychological narrative here. Nice to read.

Crab Spy

Crab Spy #2 · Dec 31st, 2013 · · ·

They kind of smelled like apples, and kind of looked like them, but Fluttershy knew what they were: pears.

stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/3362086/i-hate-pears-o.gif

Delightful little one shot! Can't wait to see more from you.

deepsleep64

deepsleep64 #3 · Jan 1st, 2014 · · ·

Very well written! This fic should be expanded upon.

WolfTheWyvern

WolfTheWyvern #4 · Jan 3rd, 2014 · · ·

3712735 You know, I have been thinking about that a lot.

deepsleep64

deepsleep64 #5 · Jan 3rd, 2014 · · ·

3725197 Better get to it then! :)

Prane

Prane #6 · Feb 1st, 2014 · · ·

I enjoyed reading your story! In fact, I featured it in a blog post of mine. It's not much, but I hope it'll get you a couple of extra views. Keep up the good work!

WolfTheWyvern

WolfTheWyvern #7 · Feb 20th, 2014 · · ·

3879589 Thanks a lot!
-WHK

Quaver Ava

Quaver Ava #8 · Feb 27th, 2014 · · ·

It's good and I like the premise. Please continue this lovely little fiction, I'll follow it and see where it goes. Hopefully there'll be an update here soon. Ya? :)

VGI

VGI #9 · Feb 5th, 2015 · · ·

Love it. I just simply love it. The idea that Fluttershy is talking to Flutterbat is...why the HECK didn't I think of that?!?!

Nicely done, Mr./Ms. Author. Thumbs upping, and shelving.

I'm tempted to make a shelf just for vamponies because of this fic. But I may let out too much info on myself if I do.

Some specifics of the things I liked:
1. “I guess I could, but what would everypony think of me being a vampire?” Fluttershy worried.
- Oh yeah! Fluttershy IS a vampire. Oooh sweet! I wish that episode was never spoiled for me. Then again, that may have been a bad thing.

2. Fluttershy looked at the pony before her; with the pleading red eyes, her cute, fluffy ears, a distressed mane, and cute little bat wings it was a package of cute that even Fluttershy couldn’t even withstand.
- Little bat wings? Those things are huge!

3. “I’ll just have to try…” She gave in.
- And will there be a sequel?

Some possible corrections to errors and points of improvement:
1. Fluttershy ran to the mirror as soon as the door closed behind Applejack.
- The door closing behind AppleJack is a bit vague. If the reader imagines the door closing behind AJ when she's in Fluttershy's cottage, then s/he'll be under the wrong impression. You may want to state that AppleJack left. I was under the false impression that AppleJack was still inside her cottage, that AJ closed the door behind her, until I realize much later that AppleJack was, in fact, not there.

2. Fear welled up within her and it threatened to begin to overwhelm her and transform into all out panic.
- Personal opinion: Wow, uh...you may want to refine this statement. "Threatened to begin to overwhelm..." That's...a doozy, a whopper.

3. Her cabin was growing dark now; Fluttershy studied her reflection, but saw no change.
- Cabin? I thought it was a cottage.

4. Sorrow pierced Fluttershy’s heart, You don’t like me? Asked Flutterbat.
But I was just trying to help, said Flutterbat. You were the one who said that we help the orchard, not kill it.
- Personal Opinion: Flutterbat's dialogues do not have quotation marks? Why not? Why not put quotation marks and/or italicize them instead?

6. I could not eat as much, Flutterbat gave in a little. If we work together, we can do this.
- Perhaps, "I could try not to eat as much, Flutterbat gave in a little. If we work together, we can do this."

WolfTheWyvern

WolfTheWyvern #10 · Feb 6th, 2015 · 1 · ·

5590689 Thank you for the feedback! Yeah, I never really had the time to go back and edit this, so it's kinda rough. As for expanding this story, either with a sequel or with more chapters, I have put a lot of thought into it, but I just have too many projects on my plate to start another right now. Thanks again!

VGI