EPlay Date

• MLP: FiM
• Adventure
• Random
• Slice of Life

Shining Armor spends a day with Flurry Heart

• Cadance
• Shining Armor
• Crystal Ponies
• Flurry Heart
• Royal Guard

Caladis · 1.6k words  ·  69  2 · 859 views

Play Date is a slice of life one-shot short story about Shining Armour, co-ruler of the Crystal Empire and leader of the Crystal Guard, spending his day with his daughter, Flurry Heart, while teaching her aspects of his job/hobby. Shenanigans ensue.

I won't lie. Due to the "Drama" tag attached to it, I was expecting perhaps something a little darker or somber, even if the tale clocked in at sub 2K words, such as perhaps exploring the idea that Shining's responsibilities have impacted the young filly emotionally and this would be an opportunity for him to take this time to reevaluate himself as a father while spending quality time with Flurry. What I got was kind of a happy-go-lucky "take your daughter to work day" scenario that ended a bit predictably. Honestly, "Drama" should be dropped from the tag list, due to this.

That said, being what it actually is, despite not veering too far away from the conventional, it's still a rather entertaining story about a very successful stallion of his standing sharing his life and responsibilities with one of the lights of his life, even though he's still very much a beginner at being a father figure (having delegated said responsibilities to a nanny of a sort, prior). There's some humor properly lifted from the dynamic of the trio of the somewhat clueless Shining, the eager to learn Flurry, and the concerned Cadence, though I'd be remiss to think there could be more of said humor.

The biggest drawbacks the story seems to have, however, is that it seems to move too quickly. There's very little time between events of Shining's assignment to spend time with his daughter, the actual spending time, and the consequence of it all, and while that means there's very little fluff between these points of the story, there is also very little build up. Said "quickness" is also reflected in the dialogue, where conversations are run through almost as if stating facts on a script or bulletpoints, resulting in the dialogue feeling a bit stilted. This isn't all the time, thankfully, but it is present.

Also, a minor nitpick, but don't be afraid to use pronouns in place of names if the focus (be it a paragraph, statement, reference to the character or what have you) remains on a character for prolonged periods. Repetitive name use in rapid succession is... repetitive.

One final thing, but do be sure to check that you haven't accidentally substituted words for similar sounding, albeit radically different meaning, words. Example:

The guards in the room stilled but Shining answered her without hesitation. “I’m teaching Flurry military disciple, as expected of the future Lady General of the Crystal Army.”

The word italicized probably should be "discipline"

7/10

This is an adequately entertaining little slice of father-daughter bonding that gets a little out of hand, and is more than worth the very short read.

Thank you.

7943409
You're very welcome. Also, side thing that I didn't mention because it wasn't relevant to the review, but I know Shining is being a bit of a dumb, silly pony for letting a three year old handle pony equivalent to firearms... though I think we can let it slide due to the shooting range literally flooded with trained professionals, which would very likely help keep her safe in the event of an accident, including Shining himself (with his exceptional shield magic).

7943413
Maybe you could review the sequel, Play Date Continued?

7943414
Submit it to my section in the review group. Make it nice and official.

7943415
Done. And thanks again.

7943416
You are very welcome.