Farewell · 6:40pm Feb 24th, 2021
This will be—very likely—the last blog I write for 2021.
I'm leaving the fandom.
No, it's not because of anything y'alls did. If anything I'm one to blame. It's been 1 year and 8 months since I found this fandom. 1 year and 6 months since I became a member of Fimfiction. 1 year and 4 months since my first story here. 8.5 months since I joined the first discord server dedicated to writing ponies. Those were blissful times, times where I could be a part of y'alls and forget every woe and every worry I had in the real world.
Now, the time has come to face my problems.
I'm not going to lie, I've been quite irresponsible with my duties; chatting with folks on Fimfiction or Quills and Sofas when I should be studying; writing ponies when I should be writing my essay assignment; watching pony youtube videos when I should be watching online physics lectures.
Every time, I've had a taste of the consequences of slacking off on my duties. Getting much lower test scores than I would have liked to on last term's finals is one of many instances.
And, as much as running away from my problems was enticing and addicting at that moment, it didn't improve anything fundamentally. The issues were still there, only having worsened due to my procrastination and laziness. I would spend many nights studying materials that I should have gone over weeks prior. It was a repeating cycle between forgetful bliss and crushing anxiety, blinding myself from the issues I had to face with ponies only to wake up to a devastating situation.
But now, I'm determined to put an end to it.
Starting next Monday is the last school year at high school. The period with the most responsibilities. Advanced Placement tests. SAT exams. midterms and finals. Wrapping up extracurricular activities. College applications. And I can't afford to slip up like I did for last semester. I just can't.
I know what you're thinking. "But Sunlight, entirely dropping the fandom seems a bit extreme. Maybe try to exercise control instead?" Well, good point! And I have tried that before. Many times. Nine times out of ten, I failed. It seems that without actual time away from the material I'm addicted to, whether it be games or ponies, I am unable to exercise proper control over my obsession with it. Not to mention that I don't have the time to develop this into a habit; I'm already severely falling behind on my studies.
And... to be completely honest? This might be better for everyone else, too. I've a nasty habit of often saying things without thinking them over, and it's resulted in more uncomfortable situations than I can count. Yet I hate hurting other ponies/people, both physically and mentally. So with that in mind, it's probably best that I drastically reduced the chances of having a conversation with others by leaving every single pony-related discord server(save for one, which I'll explain about soon).
I know that you'll call bullshit on that, and I know it's bullshit. But it's what my guts have been asking me the whole time: "Are you sure that what you just sent wouldn't hurt their feelings? Are you absolutely certain that they're okay with what you just said?" And, dishearteningly, I haven't been able to confidently say "yes" whenever I asked myself that question.
Now, about that one pony-related server that I haven't left yet. It's the discord server for Holding Onto Hope, a brony music collaboration project that I'm taking part in as one of the many vocalists. "Why haven't you left that one yet? Aren't you dropping the fandom entirely?" Well, yes, but actually no. Holding Onto Hope is a big project, and I don't want to back out from my responsibilities as a vocalist there just because I can't control my obsession over ponies. Not to mention that I plan on returning after everything—everything, up to the point of getting the acceptance news from whatever university/college I'll be applying to—is over.
Don't worry, I won't be, like, completely gone from Fimfiction. Chances are that I'll check my account once in a blue moon or two, and maybe update my status. Maybe. No guarantees though.
I can already tell that a lot of things will change while I'm gone, and it sort of makes me hesitate to leave everything behind. Ponies, both the characters in the show and the friends I've made in this community, have been a huge part of my life for the past six months at the very least. But at the same time, it's just how things work. People come and go, bonds are forged and disconnected. Nothing remains static forever, and it's a fact that I've come to accept.
...I'll still miss this place dearly, though. Even when I saw all those blog posts saying that they were leaving the fandom, I don't think I ever thought I'd be writing one of them myself.
Well, at least I did get some sort of assurance from some of the discord servers I left that they'll still be there after a year. It's not a solid guarantee—christ, I can't ask for that from anyone, now can I?—but it's much better than what I had hoped for when I first said that I'll be gone for a year.
Gah, I'm just blabbering random shit at this point. To be honest, I'm kind of stalling the inevitable myself. But it's something I decided to do, and what has to be done must be done.
It was an honor to be your friend, everyone.
Thanks for the memories.
This was SunlightRays.
Signing off.
Very well,
All of us at Fimfiction will miss you a lot.
Best of luck, Sunlight. It was an honour to know you.
Sorry to hear you're taking off mate but hope it works out well for you
I'm sure we'll be still chilling in quills if and when you wanna return.
Until then, take care and make sure not to work yourself too hard.
Ponyfeathers, you were one of the first ponies I met on this site. Oh well. Farewell, Sunlight. Remember, the door is always open for you to return. I for one will still be here. Either way, though, I wish you luck on your journey through life.
It was a good run
I salute you friend, and wish you best of luck in your future endeavors. You were probably one of the first people I talked to in Q&S, so I'll miss ya. Until next time.
That's unfortunate, though more than understandable... I didn't know you that well, but that's not the matter. I hope it goes well for you, friend. And one thing is sure; we'll be here after a year as well, if you ever wish to come back after all of this is finally over.
I wish you the best of luck with your studies, Sunlight. Take care of yourself.
All the best of luck to your studies.
Although a bit extreme, I can get behind it.
Now, go. Pull yourself up. We'll still be here when you eventually return.
Sincerely,
Scoping Landscape
P.S. Take care of yourself is important. Don't forget that.
Even though we fear change in general, we can only find new truths with it.
Sad to here this. Well, I can hope that you will be more active once school is over for Summer vacation.