It is the first time that two creatures will be approaching the catastrophic planet. Never before has anything made by the inhabitants of Weil come close to it. What better creatures for this than two ponies?
Indeed, the mark on its surface, a crater, is one of the most recognized symbols in all of pony folklore. It's a symbol of peace, of joy, of fear and evil. Legends give it miraculous properties, as well as terrible corrupting powers.
Is there a link between this crater and pony folklore? Even if the planet is so far from Weil that it can't even be seen with the naked eye, it wasn't always the case. Millenia ago, it would have been visible in the night sky, barely smaller than the moon. Only for a brief period of time.
What will those two ponies find here? Are the legends true? And if they are, which ones? The good? Or the bad ones?
Warning: While there is no gore or physical violence so to speak, there are some disturbing things and implied pain. That's why the fic is rated "Teen". I don't think it needs the "Violence" tag, but I'm ready to add it if people deem it necessary. I'm also really bad with tags in general so I've put Horror and Dark because I think they do fit. Or, at least, the fic is intended that way.
Story written for the Science Fiction Contest III. I was planning on participating in the Wonderbolt Contest with another fic, but I couldn't do both in time, and this one was way more inspiring for me. So I did this one.
Art by Taïga Blackfield.
Music used: Ketsui to Kakugo (Toaru Kagaku no Railgun S)
Sweet Dreams (by RisenFromTheDust, from the album Beyond and Below of Neighsayer/Furtherproof & Feathers)
Light of the Seven (Game of Thrones)
We Die in Here All the Time (Borderlands 3)
i dont know how commenting works i just want u to know this made me feel things
11902979
Thank you very much
Poor Twilight.
11907861
She met a terrible fate...
On an alien planet, this seems like a good way to get yourself killed, Donker.
Hello there, fellow contestant! Here's my review of this story:
This has a really good introduction. The initial setup is solidly intriguing and draws the reader into the mystery. It draws on some great sci-fi/horror tropes. And the premise of unleashing a great ancient evil and preventing it from spreading is great.
However, the story goes off the rails in the second half and starts turning into more of an action movie, with Donker spouting one-liners while Schim actually carries the plot. And on that point, who are these other characters representing the elements? Why not Twilight's actual friends? And once Schim begins to acquire the elements, it feels a bit by the numbers, so interspersing it with Donker's bits slows down the pacing even more. Fortunately, it has a decent conclusion which claws things back a bit in an interesting way.
While the story has its flaws, the story's strengths, especially in the beginning, set up a lot of momentum and interest for the piece, and it makes for a solid space/survival horror adventure overall.
11926973
I think the oneliners are to blame on my poor dialogues solely, though.
Thank you for your comment.
The tone shift wasn't completely unintentionnal, but is also probably due to the fact I had to rush a third of the story and me not being used to writing horror. But I also felt like not going for a grim end like I would do for that kind of story. I wanted to tell the story of Twilight's failure, of an evil that must be stopped quickly. And quickly means more action. I can envision a version of this story where I took my time, having a slower antagonist that progressively overwhelms the heroes, but it wouldn't fit the word limit or the time limit. Still nice to think about what could have been tho, thank you.
And as for who are those other characters, well, that's my fault for not clarifying things. I have a headcanon that I use so often that I forget not everyone has the same. Since Twilight is immortal, she outlives her friends and seeks to replace the elements every generation. I felt like the Twilight from the show would not have the mindset to sacrifice her own soul or her friends, even for the "greater good". But a Twilight a few hundred years older, who knows.
I was planning on releasing the story of what happened the day Twilight fought this foe after the contest results are in. Maybe it'll bring some answers.
Either way, thank you again.