Fear seeped through the castle’s halls not unlike the misty fog of the Everfree forest. Ponies were huddled together, their beautiful gowns and impeccable manes betrayed by their anxious faces. While the event hall was being repaired after the attempted attack on Princess Twilight, all the construction ponies in Equestria couldn’t repair the ache in Twilight’s soul.
What was the meaning of their words? Why did they phrase it like that? Were they dissatisfied with Twilight’s work as a royal? Did they want her replaced? Were they trying to hurt her? Or worse….
Twilight wouldn’t put it past anyone to be unhappy with her handling of Equestria in recent times. With all of the problems plaguing the world, she wouldn’t put it past herself to want someone new. But couldn’t those cloaked ponies declare their intentions without violence? Without weapons? Without the potential of death? Her death…
She looked around again, as she was rushed up to her private chambers by her guards, trailed behind by her friends. Rarity was still somewhere helping the brides, and Spike had sent word of the attack but encouraged Rarity to keep Applejack and Rainbow Dash calm and ready for their big day. Even Zephyr Breeze, in all of his irksome self, needed to help keep the mood high and worry low. After all, the show must go on–in this case, a wedding. Such an important event couldn’t be canceled by such a rogue group of ponies, even if they had attempted to hurt Twilight. She refused to cancel the event even though her own fear crept down to her shaking hooves. The last thing Canterlot needed was to bring even more bad news to their citizens.
Although Twilight’s public image had taken several hits in recent memory, the sheer spectacle of a wedding brought much-needed revenue to the city’s various food and souvenir vendors, as tourists swarmed hotels and restaurants. The Tasty Treat, a delicious and unique spot that Rarity and Pinkie Pie had helped fix many moons ago, was even more crowded than usual, with ponies lining around the block for a taste of one of the castle’s official caterers. In short, a wedding may have been an uncomfortably elaborate and grand affair, but it was also exactly what Canterlot needed right now. Nevermind that most ponies couldn’t even afford the hoof-stitched tablecloths that were custom patterned for the reception. Nevermind that Canterlot’s most treasured historical buildings were being bulldozed for yet another set of apartment complexes. Nevermind that Twilight’s hometown had become more like the overstuffed chaos of Manehattan than the elegant, academic haven of her formative years.
But as the bells chimed across the city, signaling that midday had finally arrived, Twilight’s thoughts came to a screeching halt as she remembered her single responsibility for the day, something that had eluded her mind ever since the terrifying attack just a few hours prior.
“Oh crap!” She muttered, nudging Spike awake, who had fallen asleep on her plush carpet rug while her friends were sitting around and chatting quietly, not wishing to disturb the princess when she was deep in thought.
Spike shot up like someone had lit a firecracker under his scales. “I’m awake, I’m awake, I’m awa-” he started, but was quickly silenced by Twilight’s hoof as she caught her breath after Spike’s shouting scared her half to death. Even after raising him from just a hatchling she was amazed that such a loud sound could come out of such a tiny dragon.
Spike grinned as he stood up and brushed himself off, glaring at Discord as he snickered and mumbled something about Spike’s laziness. “Like you’ve been soooo helpful Discord!” Spike said. “At least I’ve gotten most of my tasks done!” Spike gestured to his ever-growing list, with the majority of boxes checked with neat little claw marks.
Discord huffed, and snaked himself over to the window where he gazed out on the view Twilight was currently pondering, glaring down at the various gardeners that Fluttershy had employed to help with landscaping. “Tsk tsk, Spikey Wikey… I can finish everything with a snap of my claws! Unlike your pitiful dragon self, the Lord of Chaos himself is able to rip the very fabric of reality with just a finger!” As if to prove it, he threw his mismatched arms up and started to chant some weird spell, before he was again silenced.
“Discord!” Fluttershy yelled, kind but firm with her words. “No chaos outside of your duties, remember!”
Discord’s entire body deflated like a balloon before he fell to the floor in a dramatic heap. “Oh, alright,” he begrudgingly said, the mischievous twinkle in his eyes muted but not gone entirely.
Twilight just rolled her eyes fondly. Of course Discord was always up to something. Even on one of the most important events in Canterlot, his chaotic spirit was always ready to cause havoc. She was used to his theatrics and silliness, something that was to be expected even in the most important of his diplomatic work.
But enough musings about her colleague! She had to prepare for her officiating at the wedding, and as she looked at the clock it dawned on her that the wedding would be starting in just a few hours. Her quiet morning of getting ready with Rarity seemed like a lifetime ago as she started to panic. Countless hours of preparing for both the aerial show and the wedding itself seemed to slip away entirely as her vision began to blur. An anxiety attack was coming on. Her grip on her surroundings melted away as everything became a blur. Her eyelids grew heavy as she felt the coldness of her crystal wall fall away, replaced by the familiar softness of her carpet. She must have fallen down, but at this point she didn’t know if she was even in her room anymore. All Twilight could hear and see were visions of herself being torn apart, both literally and figuratively. The angry flyers that were plastered on her carriage every time she attended any event. An avalanche of tabloid articles flooded newsstands whenever she made even the most minor of transgressions. Think pieces and opinion columns about how she was the worst thing to happen to Equestria since Nightmare Moon.
All of that and more flashed through her mind in the endless expanse of her memory. She could see ponies crying on television as they were interviewed about the Neigahara Falls disaster, or the missing pony posters that dotted every street corner, some families hoping that their children weren’t dead but had just gone away for a while. Twilight could see the raging wildfires that were plaguing cities close to the sparsely populated Foalwood forest. Before her mind flashed images of Cloudedale’s overworked weather factory employees, as they struggled to keep up with the increasing demands of the public. All of the mental waves she was trying to keep at bay crashed ashore, and she couldn’t take it anymore. She collapsed in a heap(her second breakdown of the day) and cried until her eyes were dry again.
What had gone wrong in her time as leader? Well, it seemed like everything. Celestia and Luna had given her the reins with a conviction that was so deep it must have come from their very bones. The elements of harmony had designed her the power of magic, so why had everything gone awry? Why had her storybook ending given way to such a darkness?
Why?
Why?
Why?
━━━━
At some point, the world became clearer as she remembered where she was again.
“Twilight, breath!” A familiar chorus of voices surrounded her. Fluttershy was holding her hoof, Spike had brought her a cup of soothing tea, and Pinkie had closed her curtains to bathe the room in a calming glint of sunlight that barely trickled through the curtains. She was never more grateful for her friends, even the one that frequently scared the daylights out of her by way of a surprise party cannon. She loved them more than any poetry or song could capture. She had read more books than anypony she knew, and still didn’t have the words for how her friends made her feel inside. But enough musings on friendship, she had a romance gig to prepare for!
As she managed to calm down, the ever-creeping nerves gave her the motivation to practice her speech a few times before everypony(plus one dragon, one Lord of Chaos) made their way through the labyrinthian hallways to the fixed-up wedding hall. The soaring ceilings and floor-to-ceiling windows looked polished so well that it was almost impossible to think that such a horror had occurred only a few hours before. Twilight filed away a thought to give the event ponies a bonus before making her way to the lectern. The lectern was placed in the exact middle of the altar, giving everypony from the front row to the standing-room back a perfect view of what was sure to be Twilight’s last invitation ever to do a public speaking gig.
She took several deep breaths as ponies from all walks of life filed in, politicians and dignitaries sharing rows with Applejack’s family of farmers and Rainbow Dash’s beaming parents. Even Flim and Flam had managed to take a break from buying up small-businesses to show up to weddings in laughably bad disguises. Twilight had no idea how they made it past the hundreds of guards stationed through the castle to inspect every guest, but she bet Rainbow Dash was cackling with delight at pulling such a stunt on her big day.
Speaking of the brides, Spike received a scroll from Rarity that the brides were on their way to the wedding venue after a few last-minute freak-outs. She cleared her throat and motioned to potions to take their seats and glared at Discord to be on his best behavior. She took her place at the altar, and was joined by Rarity soon after. The very proud maid of honor looked a little frazzled as she joined the bridesmaids, which for whatever silly reason included Discord in his dizzying choice of attire. Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Starlight, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders rounded out the large group on each side. Rainbow Dash’s old pal Gilda came through the aisle as the flower griffin, and the ceremony started. Twilight let herself drown out the noise around her, only focusing on the big speech she was certainly not prepared for.
It was going to be a long ceremony, and that wasn’t because of the dozen folksy stories Granny Smith would tell in her toast later.
Like some kind of great cosmic joke, the wedding went off without a hitch, except for Twilight’s messy, rambling monologue about Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s love story. All the color-coded markers and notecards in the world could not contain her disaster of a speech, and the practicing she had done just a bit earlier seemed to leave her body with whatever remained of her dignity. Thankfully, as soon as she finished speaking, she could relax, and finally enjoy the ceremony to whatever extent her mind allowed her to.
The picture-perfect gowns that Rarity had designed, different yet complementary, seemed to taunt her. Everything about the ceremony was perfect, except for her. Typical. After the vows, she finished her stint as officiator, and the crowd clapped as the two brides came down the aisle, married mares for all the world to see.
As everypony made their way to the gardens for the afterparty, Twilight lingered in the hall for a few minutes to get her bearings. She looked around the nearly-empty hall, with its stained glass and velvet carpet. A few ponies had stuck around to help the workers gather up all the chairs, but from her vantage point at the altar, they could have been in another room for all she noticed. The hall was so large it was eerie, and the many ghost stories she had heard when she was a filly did little to absolve her of that feeling. She must have been staring into space–for the millionth time–because she didn’t notice the massive doors creak open.
“Come on, Twi-Twi” Pinkie’s cheery voice rang throughout the spacious hall as she poked her head in.
Twilight snapped up, her heart beating out of her chest. Why did she think the robed ponies had come back to finish what they started? She mentally chastised herself for thinking such an awful thought, as the castle grounds were stocked to the brim with guards, traps, and other safety measures. There was no way anyone could get it if they didn’t have clearance.
But then again, those ponies had gotten in earlier, when the halls were already at their maximum capacity for guards. If everything was according to her instruction, then it wasn’t possible for them to have made it inside. Unless…
A startling thought creeped up as Pinkie Pie was busy oohing and aahing at the stained glass windows.
Someone let them in.
Someone here wants me dead…
But who?
She quickly left the room(and her thoughts) with Pinkie before she could spiral again. The thought was troubling, of course, but that didn’t mean it was true. She quickly found the punch table, which was approvingly fitted with apple cider, and drank two full glasses before making her way to the crowd. She felt a bit woozy from all she had to drink, but anything was better than letting her mind wander to such scary territories.
She watched from the sidelines as both brides tossed their bouquets into the crowd, before both were snapped by Discord, who looked positively thrilled as he handed both to an embarrassed but charmed Fluttershy. Pinkie Pie had continued her role as party planner extraordinaire, as the smell of yummy baked goods made Twilight’s stomach grumble. Nowadays with everything on her mind, she found it hard to take care of some of her most basic needs, and that was reflected in the beeline she made for the buffet. As she stuffed her face with Pinkie Pie’s delicious treats(which included several untouched strawberry cinnamon cilantro cupcakes), she was joined by CMCs, who hid under the table as they tried to escape the young ones that had become a bit too attached to them.
Twilight giggled as it brought back memories of when those very fillies had acted the same way towards her. The circle of life is on full display, she thought, before chowing down on another cupcake. Although the day was marked by several crying fits and a very poor speaking effort, she couldn’t deny that it had turned into a pretty nice night. It was the first time in what seemed like forever that she seemed like something close to happy.
As the day turned into night, Twilight’s mood changed as the sun did to the moon. There was only one thing on her mind, and it was something else entirely. Something welcome. Something missed.
A new determination had set over her. She wanted to have more nights like this one, and the beauty of the evening had reignited a flame within her. Having her life back in shape was possible, and she would see to it that the castle gardens weren’t the only remaining carefree place in Equestria. Everypony deserved to feel the way she did, leaning up against a table and watching the birds say their goodnights. Everyone deserved to have these moments, and something long dormant had opened in her heart.
One thing was clear. She was going to repair Equestria one hoof step at a time. The frayed fabric of her nation would have her very soul woven into it if that’s what it took. She was going to figure out who, if anypony, had betrayed her, and everything would be okay again.
She gathered her things, and gingerly hugged Spike, leaving him a scrolled message as he slept soundly on the cold floor. As she watched him breath in and out, with a tinge of smoke every few seconds, she knew the second he realized she was gone that he would come find her. So she left a note explaining her absence, trotting over to her bed, fluffing up her pillows and bedspread. Even amidst the worst chapter of her life, she had to get some things in order. Her room was messy enough as is, the least she could do was make it a bit less of a hassle for the cleaning ponies that came every so often to clear out her mountains of paperwork, most of it trivial invitations and notices from neighboring rulers.
“I sleep like a baby under these cold cavernous ceilings” he had once said to her, back when they lived in her Ponyville castle. She knew now that was only a cover for one of the kindest gifts she had ever received, a massive chandelier made of the remnants of her first home in Ponyville. How long ago that seemed, she thought. How simple, how nostalgic, and how beautiful it was. If her time in this world was an endless, stormy ocean-as it often seemed now–her early days in Ponyville were a slow stream, a sparkling blue hue she wished she could bathe in until the water reached her heart.
She flipped over some of the gems in her hooves, careful not to wake Spike with her flight. The memories washed over her like the sun washes over an old church, the cracks in her spirit rejuvenated by the wonderful scenes she could see in her mind. Her first party in Ponyville, when she drank so much hot sauce she thought she would burst into flames. When she shared donuts with her friends after a disappointing Grand Galloping Gala. Lastly, she came across gems she had not seen before. Although her room was sealed shut with her own magic, the magic of the elements could never be transcended, and it dawned on her how many new gems had been added to the tree. It was beautiful to think that this tree was still alive in some sense, and that her time of making good memories hadn't come to a close.
She took a survey of the room that she reluctantly called home, not knowing when she would come back. She had a kingdom to attend to, but herself to attend to first. It would occur to her later, when she was halfway across her trek to Celestia and Luna’s home, that she could have sent a scroll instead. But she was grateful for her lack of foresight, as the flowery plains of rural Equestria gave her the time she needed to think. Without the instant use of her teleportation, her mind naturally wandered, in tune with her wandering hooves.
Eventually, she reached a small grove of plush flowers surrounded by trees, the perfect little place for privacy as she set up her tent. Was this spontaneous foray into Equestria’s countryside the safest idea? Probably not, considering that she was a public figure currently being hunted down by a group of rogue and robed ponies. She lowered the sun as the time for nightfall hushed across the land, hoping that Spike and the rest of her friends weren’t sending out a search party for her at that very moment. She looked up to the sky and wished upon a star, something that she hadn’t really believed in since she was a small filly with big dreams. Magic worked in unusual ways, and it couldn’t hurt to send out her wishes to the world that had given her everything.
She imagined Spike finding her letter and reading her handwriting, eyes wide but soft with heavy agreement. She imagined him calming down the castle guards, and designanting roles to her entire team in her absence. She imagined that her closest confidant would respect her wishes to take a short time off to get advice from her mentor. She imagined that Celestia and Luna would welcome her with the kindness she needed. It wasn’t that her friends couldn’t help her, and they certainly did, but it was different with her mentors. They knew better than anyone Twilight’s plight, and they knew what it took to make the world better again.
But that was still a few stretches of sun away. The fire that had lit inside her that night had dwindled just a bit as reality crept in. However, as long as the flame was still lit, she would continue through hell if it meant Equestria would recover. For now, there was nothing around her but the grass beneath her hooves and the trees that seemed to stretch infinitely above her. The sky above, partially blocked by the trees, was so enchanting she wished she could just be enveloped into the stars, escaping the hellishness that awaited on land. She wished in all her heart that the navy blue would hear her pleas, and lift her up into itself. But the ground needed her.
Sometimes, she wondered if being banished into the moon wasn’t so bad of a fate. But then again, that was the guilt talking, right? She just needed to fix the entire world, which totally wasn’t a massive undertaking.
If her talk with Celestia and Luna proved to be fruitful, then that fantasy of hers wouldn’t need to happen and she could fix what she had broken.
She just didn’t know how….
A rustle of leaves broke her out of herself, and she almost screamed before a familiar face greeted hers, wide blue eyes meeting her tired face. Twilight had expected to see a dangerous creature or one of those scary ponies from the attack, but instead the pony that stood in front of her was one of her best friends.
Twilight was the first to speak, and gave a small smile.
“Starlight?”
Her voice was quiet and raspy, a product of her sleepiness.
“…How did you find me?” Twilight stammered, startled to be in someone’s company after spending most of the day with no one.
“The Cutie Map sent me.” She said, “After you left, while everyone else was huddled with Spike as he read your letter, my cutie mark went off, and I found your location on the map. I ran, and I never stopped running.”
It was then that Twilight noticed Starlight’s disheveled appearance and the small bag on her back, which looked to have been hastily assembled in her panic. Her face was flushed, likely because of the long distance she had galloped.
Starlight continued, tears pricking her eyes. “Twilight, I came for more reasons than just the map. You’ve…” her words faltered, like whatever she was going to say next was going to pierce her heart. “You’ve changed. I know there’s been a lot on your mind, and it makes sense that you would go to Celestia and Luna for help…” she stopped briefly as her eyes weighed with all the words that were trying to claw out of her throat.
Twilight waited patiently for Starlight’s next thought, because she knew that despite the empathy her friends back in Ponyville held for her, if there was one single pony that could understand what she was going through the best, she was standing right here.
“Look, I don’t quite know how to say this. I’ve still got a lifetime to learn about this friendship thing, but what I do know is that I understand how you feel. I understand because, well, I let my own heartache destroy me and everyone in my village. I let my guilt fester until it became something far more dangerous…and…and…” Tears were streaming down Starlight’s face as she said something that shook Twilight to her very core.
“Twilight, I don’t want you to become like I was.” Starlight said, and the two ponies shared a weighty glance in the sliver of moonlight that filtered in the trees.
As she watched her friend’s eyes well up over and over, Twilight couldn’t ignore what Starlight was getting at. She was right. She needed help now, or things would only get worse. And if they got worse…well…
She didn’t let the thought finish before she let herself be wrapped up in a hug. Both ponies cried and shared a thousand words without saying anything at all.
If Twilight’s life was a stormy sea, then her friend might have been the soft sand that pillowed her crashing waves.
As dawn broke, the two ponies set out, with renewed hope and renewed vulnerability.