This Module Is On Temporary Hiatus
Thank you for choosing Le Café Garbanzo. Our specials today include leftovers from yesterday that were painstakingly liberated from the dumpster. Of course, as a paying customer, you can have as many of these as you want. Here at our esteemed café, we judge not on quality or execution but only on creativity of concept. I hope you find our selection edible, lord knows the last couple didn't. Now would you like to see the wine list?
This is my specialty and I guarantee it's the dish that tastes the least like goblin piss. This dish has an optional topping of grammar to go with the story analysis, but please note that the topping cannot come by itself. If you are interested, do send an individual request to the manager.
Currently, my queue is FULL
At Le Cafe Garbonzo, we take a distinctively different approach to our art than most other eateries. Rather than draw from scratch, we instead choose to draw on the original medium, incorporating vectors and stock photos into our delicious graphic design dishes. In this way, we are far more reliable and expedient than those who prepare their dishes from scratch. For examples, see some of our own menu items.
Pinkie's unrequited love for Dash precipitates an adventure across time, space, and dreams.
Twilight casts a spell that leaves her in an alien body, facing a mob of angry ponies.
Smudge loved well, and loved deeply—perhaps too deeply for those ponies he left behind.
Roseluck heads to Canterlot to arrange flowers for a funeral.
Rumble loves his big brother, but more importantly, he loves the stories he tells.
- Cirrus While taking an early-morning flight, Rainbow Dash contemplates what flying really means to her. 2,589 words · 949 views · 73 likes · 4 dislikes
- Fool in the Rain Fluttershy learns a bit about being a loner from Ponyville's resident social butterfly, and why opening up can have its benefits 11,225 words · 1,208 views · 61 likes · 3 dislikes
- Cross Your I's and Dot Your T's When Rarity decides she's had enough of her bad hoofwriting, she turns to Spike for help. 3,578 words · 1,257 views · 169 likes · 6 dislikes
- No Such Thing A free-verse poem about an alicorn named Notional who ventures into Equestria, where he is met with hate and disdain by all except the little filly willing to accept him. 1,237 words · 392 views · 21 likes · 1 dislikes
- Emancipation The changelings, centuries after enslaving the pony race, struggle with issues of morality. 3,079 words · 1,522 views · 71 likes · 5 dislikes
- About Last Night Spike and Rainbow Dash wake up in a bed together. However, even though the two agree to forget about it, things still catch up to them. 19,327 words · 8,400 views · 880 likes · 31 dislikes
- The Album A collection of 'snapshots', short stories that represent Moments in the lives of various ponies 104,710 words · 3,903 views · 551 likes · 10 dislikes
- Spike the "Hero" Twilight orders Spike to get the crystal heart to Princess Cadence. But Spike has other ideas. 2,387 words · 3,121 views · 114 likes · 5 dislikes
- Berry Punch Breaks Bottles Berry Punch, while in a drunken stupor, realizes just how pretty broken glass shards are. 2,731 words · 482 views · 35 likes · 0 dislikes
The Rules of FimFiction
1. Do not write scootabuse
2. Do NOT write scootabuse
3. There will always be more Fallout Equestria sidestories
π. Pinkie Pi
4. Your most popular fic is not always your best one
5. HiE fics are never well written, even if they are.
6. Muffin is always in innuendo.
7. Your weather today: X does Y fics are overrated with a low chance of actual humor coming in from the northwest
8. The amount of views you get is not proportional to the amount of work you put in.
9. The level of SpikeDash is too damn low!
10. Meta Knight is following everyone.
11. Knighty is a pretty legit mod.
11.2. I mean, he's only banned Regi, Para, Chucky, Donus, and me at one point or another. What a great track record, amirite?
12. The Conversion Bureau is like Pot. Don't smoke it.
13. Lavender Unicorn Syndrome is a real thing
14. Your fic will never make it onto EqD.
15. Nopony uses semicolons correctly; ever.
16. If you're submitting your stories at night, you're doing it wrong.
17. There is no 7th element
17.2. The 5th element is a great movie though.
18. For the last time, Daring Do and Ditzy Doo are not sisters. Their last names have a different number of O's.
19. My Little Dashie always makes you cry, even the second time.
20. The Sound of Thunder stories are underrated.
21. ShortskirtsandExplosions and Imploding Colon are the same person.
22. The best fics are written while the author is drunk. If the ponies in the story are also drunk, all the better.
23. Appleshy is an underrated shipping. Really, really underrated.
24. Love potions stories never get old. They really don't.
25. All Flightless Dash fics are cliched, except for that one I'm writing.
26. Rainbow Dash can successfully ship with any character on the show.
27. Discord = Q. Write more Trek Crossovers!
28. Zecora must always speak in rhyme. In fact, she does it all the time. If she were ever to speak in prose, I would miss the way her dialogue flows.
29. Rainbow Dash is a Lesbian
29.2. Either that, or everypony assumes she is a lesbian.
30. All your carefully written stories will eventually be destroyed by new canon.
31. SS+E belongs in a mental institution. We still love 'em, though.
32. Gangnam Style is #1
33. All Pegasi are orphans.
34. If you're on this site, you're a clopper
35. If you haven't yet clopped, you will soon clop
36. Spike is an epic SWAGON
37. Hating on cliches is almost as cliched as the cliches themselves are cliched. In the end, we're all cliched.
38. Clop sucks horse dick. Literally.
39. Spike and Big Mac get all the bitches
40. Groups are for view whores. That's why I'm in so many of them.
41. Twilight is not an Alicorn. Yet.
41.2. Never have I ever been so wrong in my entire life. Now do you see why I like Rule 30?
42. References to Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy are awesome.
43. Regidar hates Nirvana and writes sad tragedies all day long.
43.2 Back in the day, the second half of this rule used to be sarcastic. Not so much anymore. Not that I'm complaining.
44. We're all blog whores, just some of us more than others.
45. Knighty's blog posts are the primary source of shitstorm on this site.
46. The site change irked me
47. You don't need real romantic experience to write a ship fic. Take me for example ...
48. Twilight is a virgin.
49. Donuses that are epic will :rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:
50. Exam Week is the best time to post your story.
50.2. Especially if you're not in college.
51. I don't care how the episode went; Snowflake made the Wonderbolts and that's that.
52. Luna Eats an Oreo is a truly inspiring story of self-sacrifice and devotion. I love it.
52.2. I still don't know what sarcasm is, though.
53. Pyro1101 doesn't have nearly enough OCs
54. There are almost as many Conversion Bureau fics as Fallout Equestria ones. I still don't know which is worse.
55. We all miss Epicdonus, some of us just don't want to admit to it.
56. If you've read this far into these, it means you're as bored as I was when I wrote these down. That is sad.
57. There can never be enough fluffy romance.
58. Davenport is best quill-and-sofa-selling pony.
59. Rarity is a bitch. Always write her as a bitch, unless it's a romance. Then you write her as a mega-bitch.
60. There's a reason they don't call them Person in Equestria fics.
60.2 Want some PiE?
61. Always upvote your own stories
61.2 But don't favorite them. People can tell if you do that
62. The amount of completed fics is inversely proportional to the amount of ADHD the author has.
62.2. Trust me on that one
63. Big Mac is best gender-swapped Applejack.
64. Blushes or Wing Boners, the choice is yours and yours alone
65. If the CMCs aren't causing mass destruction and property damage in your story, you're not writing them correctly
66. There are too many Star Wars crossovers with the newer books. Why can't he have Thrawn or Zsinj in Equestria?
67. There will be a rule here as soon as I complete all my incomplete fics
68. Rarity is a slut
68.2. But nothing compared to Cloud Kicker
69. "Twilight, What's a 69?" Spike asked curiously.
70. If you don't have the emote add-on yet, then what in Equestria are you doing?
71. All ponifications are eponymous to ponies
72. These rules are a great distraction from studying for exams.
74. Art Inspired is awesome at requesting rules
75. Rainbow Dash is a Patriots Fan
76. All your fanfic are belong to Knighty
77. The Parasprite is a god.
78. Fun Fact: If your story is under 4000 words, it is impossibru Highly Unlikely for it to be featured.
79. Pony Fiction Vault > Equestria Daily
80. No matter how original you think something is, it can always be more original.
81. There are many differences between Zebafrican and Unipean swallows
82. You can never change your profile pic too many times.
82.2 Seven81493 being a possible exception.
83. Hundred-Thousand Word Epics? Ain't nobody got time for that!
84. Eventually, the show is going to end and all of us are going to eventually trickle out of the community. But some people are going to stay and it's going to be sad. That's where I come in.
85. Davenport is mai waifu
86. It's Mor3 Than Gamer5, it's a cliché.
87. Applejack is best background main character
88. Funniest Comic Ever
89. Regidar is just Discord who somehow crossed over from Equestria.
90. Proofreading is a huge waste of time. Follow my example and only spend time on your own fics.
91. Twinkies aren't out of business in the brony community
91.2. Twilight heart Pinkie Pie
92. Required Viewing:
*link temporarily unavailable, bra*
93. Having your "awesome" OC you made in the pony creator as your user picture will make you blend in like a mudpony in the mud.
94. Steven Magnet has lucious flow
95. How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? Equestria may never know
96. Lol, 69 backwards.
97. ... Can't Think of one; I'm still laughing at the last rule.
98. The Party Hasn't Ended is the best MLP fanfic and the whole reason I joined this thing in the first place. Read it.
99. Never give up your fanon for canon. Fight the powers that be.
100. Holy Shit I never thought I'd get to 100 rules. Hmm ... better make it a good one ... Oh, I know ... GAK IS AWESUM BICH. TWILESTIA IS BEST SHIP!
101. The Rules of the internet are now in Group Form
102. "You will never cum inside Rainbow Dash" - Regidar
103. All clop writers are virgins
104. If Pinkie isn't breaking the 4th wall, you're doing it wrong
105. If your next fic is worse than the one before, you suck.
106. Cupcakes is ze canon
107. I Like Ike Spike
108. If Your OC Has any of the following:
broken horn, two horns, bat wings, no feelings for Davenport (platonic or otherwise), metaphysical powers, a 7th element of harmony, wings + horn, half dragon DNA or Ships with a Mane 6 pony, YOU'RE FUCKING DOING IT WRONG!!
109. The size (in inches) of Big Mac's Penis
110. I was going to add another rule here, but I got a 502 error when I was trying to add it.
111. Just because Applejack says it like "Ah", doesn't mean you have to write it "Ah". "I" is a lot easier.
112. Davenport is still Best Pony
113. It's more important to have a good story concept than good grammar. Equestria Daily can suck it.
114. Bookplayer hates AppleDash
115. Yamato is best starship
116. How to write fanfiction: shipfic, shipfic, shipfic, repeat.
117. Haylo is a dumb ponification
118. People seriously overuse the Slice-of-Life tag. Look up Slice-of-Life on TVTropes and see what it actually means.
119.The Shameless Self Promotion Bureau is a majestic group
120. Everybody uses ponies in their story covers. Throw in some inanimate objects every once in a while.
121. Hooves can't play instruments, and yet they always seem to be able to
122. I'll write that fic I've been talking about for a year. I promise!
124. No one can escape the grasp of Skeeter The Lurker.
125. 01000111 01100001 01110010 01100010 01101111 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101100 01100101 00100000 01110010 01101111 01100010 01101111 01110100
126. Halloween? Luna Eclipsed.
Christmas? Hearthswarming Eve.
Thanksgiving? Over a Barrel.
Valentine's Day? Hearts and Hooves.
Dafuq is Easter?
127. Oneshots are like the chocolate chips on a longfic cookie. Cookies take longer, they're bigger, and people usually eat them more. But how could we have cookies without chocolate chips?
128. Fics with references to Led Zeppelin are clinically proven to be 20% cooler. Batteries not included; see store for details.
129. Dunsparce is best pokemon
130. Here in the Brony community, we're so emotional it verges on emo.
131. You will never tickle more poop than Poop Tickler, evar, no exceptions.
132. Always use emotes in groups of three. Like this: :rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:
133. Bringing back Meta fics will be Knighty's magnum opus.
134. slide to the left
134.2. slide to the right
134.3. cha-cha real smooth
135. The only reason peeps be hatin' on Spike is because he exemplifies the flaws of the typical brony: immaturity, snarkiness, and an inter-species attraction to ponies.
137. The Brony fandom is known to go crazy about the randomest things. Insert peach here.
138. When you're jealous of some popular story in the featured box, just remember: your story has a lower quantity of downvotes then theirs.
140. Never ask me if I have an OC. Davenport is the only OC I'll ever need
141. Never use the words "ensue" or "escalate" in your descriptions. It's been done to fucking death.
142. I don't always type, but when I do, I prefer serif fonts.
143. You know you're the doing the right thing on this site if you need to have a "click this if I'm banned" thing.
144. If you've one of those people who have been around since the beginning of the site any you're only following a dozen people, you suck. Seriously, It's not 2011 anymore, read other people's work every once in a while.
145. Storage http://i.snag.gy/im59g.jpg
147. “I met the love of my life, Spike. We wrestle a lot and he injects drugs into my eyes. I can’t really explain it, but my plothole still really hurts.”
148. More downvotes than ever, a featured box that keeps things up for days, and way too many EqG spinoffs. Welcome to the new age.
149. Famous last words: "Everyone plz read my new fanfic about brony youtubers!"
150. Well, half way to the next hundred. If you made it this far down, you, like me, need to find something better to do with your life
151. Here's an idea: reset the feature box every 24 hours.
152. If I could write one fanfic and make it happen in real life, I would have all the ponies come over and clean up this fucking snow.
153. Rule #1 of being an artist: nobody will ever care about your art, no matter how good it is
420. Pass the pipe, will ya Zecora?