Okay, so I haven't written a fic in a zillion millennia (literally). But I've just seen MythrilMoth's blog post “The Importance of Research to Writing," in which he says, and I quote:

don't just pretend to know shit. Look shit up and THEN pretend to know it.

So, since I've had four years of Biblical Hebrew as well as a course titled “Historical Hebrew Grammar," I figured I'd follow his advice. Hey, it's something I know a little about, right? So why not carry it to a ridiculous extreme (and maybe get the creative juices flowing again!)? Plus it's Purim! Yaaaay! So here goes!

As a chiropterophile, I must confess to being very disappointed at the plethora of fics written after the episode "Bats!" Despite the bats in the episode being merely regular bats who live off fruit juice, the idea of bats as evil and supernatural bloodsuckers was apparently just too strong for many to resist. Even "Flutterbat" is often given supernatural powers and made a bloodsucker.

One day I actually posted to the comments section of one story pointing all this out. But then it occurred to me...rather than critiquing others' fics (which each of us should be free to write as we see fit), how about I fight back instead with a parody of the whole "bat=vampire" thing that bothers me so much? Thus, this fic, which is "meta" because the actual stories are referenced and parodied in the person of a young vampire fruit bat who reads them and gets ideas in his head.

To most people bats as vampires is fun. Considering that bats are a very vulnerable population and that stereotypes can have terrible real world consequences, I do not. I write this story not to criticize anyone else but merely to have some fun with the whole ludicrous concept.

It's a little unusual, but I hope some of you will enjoy it.

This story features a special guest appearance by Pinkiewise (from "Lauren Faust's IT!" and "She Saw the Light") and was pre-read by my old friend rye.bread.

The "Nightmare Rarity" arc in the comics has just ended and Ponyville must recover. Even more than the others, the Elements of Harmony must recover. And most of all Rarity, the Nightmare's main victim. But Spike faced his own ordeal, so after a few days rest he goes to visit Rarity where the two proceed to have a private chat. Rarity expresses her gratitude and apologizes for the vulnerabilities that allowed the Nightmare to use her. And then...the two discuss their own future. Rarity has made a decision. And as terrified as he is of rejection, Spike's long unspoken question is about to be answered.

WARNING--This story is EXTREMELY sappy. Life jackets are encouraged.

The title refers to Spike's temptation in the comic, not to anything that happens in this story.

This fic has been pre-read, but the reader has chosen to remain anonymous. He/she has my thanks.

I have been so horrified for so long at all the "evil Pinkie" fics. I believe at the bottom of this genre lies the "evil clown" meme, and who is best evil clown if not Pennywise? So here is a fic that makes explicit what has been bubbling beneath the surface all this time. Note please: Pinkie in this story, despite all her strange powers, is as sweet and good as she is on the show. Because if she were a nigh-omnipotent extra-dimensional being, that's exactly how she'd roll!

Every year in reading class, the little fillies and colts at Ponyville's elementary school read and perform a play. Ironically, shortly before this year's assignment the Cutie Mark Crusaders see a TV talk show featuring "Equestria's Greatest Living Playwright." So they figure...why put on something from an elementary school textbook when they can perform a masterpiece?

Before beginning the story proper, an explanation is called for.

I am one of those people who can't write except in a fit of inspiration. The story either writes itself or it doesn't get written at all. I'm afraid I've been very dry of this inspiration for a very long time now. But recently an idea has been invading my mind and refusing to let me rest. But unlike my usual practice, I have tried to resist it.

The reason for this is that this particular story simply doesn't fit any easy category. It is primarily a sequel to my previous story “Lauren Faust's 'IT!'” However, while that story was strictly for humor, this addendum is serious. I don't mean serious in any tragic way; I mean merely that this, though it continues the assumptions of the previous lark, is written as a serious fic.

This in itself is troublesome to me. The previous story (which of course you should read before reading this one) was written in opposition to “Cupcakes.” Since so many bronies were running with the idea that the happy, party-throwing, balloon-marked mare was concealing an unspeakable monster deep within herself, I made her the ultimate monster clown, Pennywise from Stephen King's 'IT!'” With one exception: that she's as sweet and good and kind as ever. Because I am adamantly opposed to evil Pinkie Pie, and if she were some sort of bizarre quasi-omnipotent entity of some sort, she would only use her powers for good. It was meant as a poke-in-the-eye to all the “evil Pinkie” stuff floating around on the web, because the “real” (canon) Pinkie Pie would never, ever, ever hurt anypony. She's the comic relief. Her powers are cartoon-character powers, and there's absolutely nothing sinister about her.

Now in this quasi-sequel OmniPinkie is still good and sweet, so my resistance to writing this was not out of any fear of harming her reputation any further in that regard. I have resisted for two reasons: 1)as a serious sequel to a parody fic, it defies classification. And 2)even as a good and benevolent character I don't want to start any “Omnipony” thing about Pinkie. It was to oppose that that I wrote the original story. But after so long being absent and with the idea refusing to leave me alone, I have determined to go ahead and try to write this down.

This is an unusual story, but I hope somewhere someone will enjoy it.

Thank you.

Pinkie Pie is on her way to visit Fluttershy on her day off from Sugarcube Corner when she hears groans of horror from a cloud above her. Rainbow Dash is having a terrible nightmare. Can Pinkie help her?