A very small number of you might be wondering whether I am up to anything new, or whether I have resigned myself to the arena of pseudo-nonfictional blogs, which are at turns fanfiction about fanfiction authors. The resounding and grateful answer is 'yes'; I will soon and once again raise my head above the subterrain of post-irony to gaze upon the sunny, big-dicked world of the main page.

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We had been on the trail of the unicorn for days, and found ourselves in an underground ruin. Actually, we were back in Connecticut—in the wine cellar belonging to the former manor of Odell Shepard himself; who, besides being the world’s foremost unicorn scholar, became Lieutenant Governor here in the forties. It was the same area where I had grown up, and it turned out that Shepard’s place was only a short ride from where I had found the same book of his which began our Grail quest.

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It wasn’t enough just to read about the unicorn’s lore. My friends and I had decided to find one for ourselves.

“Enough with your ‘pataphysics!” Forcalor had said, springing up during one of my maundering explanations—we had been drinking apple cider and playing cards at a very late hour, and were each feeling somewhat groggy from boredom and snack food. “Old texts… cartoon cults… There must be some truth behind the legend, comrades. It is like all clues have been laid out for us.”

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'Fear and Loathing in Las Pegasus', concept art by fanfiction author M.A. Larson

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We’ve seen that the origin of the unicorn is zoological—a composite of the Indian rhinoceros, the Persian mule, and the Tibetan antelope, each of which hails from beyond the fringes of ancient Greece, where something like it (the unicorn) was first annotated.

The Tibetan Antelope, or Dashius Rainboenius

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Returning to the Indian rhinoceros, Mr. Shephard asks:

“Thinking, then, of the rhinoceros horn, what explanation can be made about its colors, white and black and red?”

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I think it will be instructive, before proceeding, to look carefully at a few correspondences I have received regarding the study of unicorns which we have undertaken, in order to get a sense for the universal flavor of the dialectic which always accompanies this topic.

The first of these arrives from one Professor Dimirti Apostolopouli of the Johns Hopkins Department of Robotics. He writes:

Dear Sir,

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Setting aside the matter of bronies and anti-bronies, the book continues with a brief summary of the life of Cstesias, an ancient Greek physician who will play an important role in the birth of the unicorn in the European imagination. For, as it turns out, the mystery of unicorns “[leaves] a wide field for speculation and [surrounds] even the facts of which we are certain with bands of twilight…”

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Before we embark on any further essays to fathom the unicorn—and seeing as we have remarked the work of one of its chroniclers, Odell Shepard, as being also the work of the first brony, and therefore parallel to our own work in the present time—it may be worthwhile to observe its countercurrent in the twentieth century; namely, that before Howard Stern and Mike Nelson, there was already an ‘anti-brony’ in the person of noted futurist Henry Ford, whose entrepreneurial success, however

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A little while ago I was making a celebratory book grab when I stumbled on one of those thick quaint paperbacks from when reading was a primary entertainment for people, a Senate or a Dover print of some old thing, called The Lore of the Unicorn. I got it for the memes, but admittedly also, to become knowledgeable on the matter, a little like a scientist who would like to prove divine existence; or at least, to discover the history of a small forgotten town, that I might know divinity a

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