Jan
25th
2014
Someone Who Knows What They're Doing · 11:49am Jan 25th, 2014
Huh, a blog post. Never done one of these for an actual reason before.
Well, since I don't trust myself any farther then I can throw myself and I can't promise myself I'll be able to constantly keep updating Trauma Team: Equestrian Chronicles in between work, social life, and generally sucking at both of those, I figured I'd direct your attention towards someone much more deserving of your time and views.
Thanks for the follow!
Write on,
Legion
Hey~ <3
I should probably be posting this on your fic instead of your page, but I'll do it here anyway.
Personally I really like your Trauma Team fic and how you're treating the characters. However I feel the narration is a bit of an issue. It doesn't pain an image of there surroundings very well at all, leaving me to have to picture it like my own local hospital (johns Hopskins). Secondly the actions while handled better seem to either be redundant, or not give enough detail. Like you tell what Pinkie did during surgery but didn't bother to actually go into detail about the action or what it looked like. This makes it a lot harder to actually get into the story.
Lastly there's the issue with there being not to enough Narration between dialogue. There's lines but there isn't any narration of what they are doing with their body, face or their tone.While there's some there's definitely isn't enough.
I don't know whether you have an editor/proofreader to help you or not, but if you don't I'd recommend you seek one. There is a really interesting story here.