• Member Since 7th Nov, 2017
  • offline last seen February 7th

Darling Dearest

I am a a passionate, creative member of the brony and pegasister fandom, who wishes to add to the world we have all come to love by writting quality stories for people to enjoy inbetween new episodes.

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Where the uploads at? · 5:12pm Mar 19th, 2018

Hey everypony, I'm sure you've noticed that Familial bonds part three hasn't been updated in a while.

I'm SO sorry about this. There are a number of factors contributing to this. But the main two are the unfortunate reality of me being a college student. As well as me having to slit one chapter into two due to length... Again. Your patience during all of this is really appreciated and the next chapter will, hopefully be out soon.

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Your more than welcome. Again, I'm happy to help.

I read your story "Rainbow's early Winter", and I must say, I liked it a lot. I know you've seen my comment on the actual story, so I won't bore you by repeating myself, but it was very intriguing and I can't wait to see the story evolve.

My only nit-pick would be some minor writing errors. Such as when Rainbow greets her friends individually instead of just saying "Hi Twilight, Fluttershy" or "Hey guys". Or sometimes in the dialogue when you don't use an apostrophe when one is necessary, like when Twilight is written with the line "we are good, how are you?" Instead of "we're good, how're you. Finally, I think you could of used some more detail in the transition between Rainbow waking the window, and the repair pony arriving, not that it was bad, but just having a little more writing and a ... to indicate time passing could have helped.

But other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed the first chapter and look forward to seeing what happens next.

Thank you for giving me your input. I actually think I will go back and change tbe beginning based on your input. I actually forgot to re-read that part since I wanted to change it. Even I thought the beginning part was dragging. Thank you

I just read your Twilight is doomed 2 story. I thought it was cute, and definitely funny. It was very well paced, with the humour slowly getting more absurd, and thus funny, as the story went along, as it should do for the best comedic effect.

However, I feel that both the opening and ending were a tad dragged out. For instance, the opening scene with the rest of the mane 6 was not beneficial to the narrative. You could of had it so that she was about to leave, but noticed that she wasn't satisfied with her decorations and so went back in and... well you know what happens next. This would have condensed the story and would have allowed you to start the fiction with immediate comedy.

Moreover, I feel as though the ending doesn't quite fit the tone of the story. For example, the style of the original Twilight is doomed, which I am assuming you are trying to emulate, just to a greater effect, was a small, simple, yet effective comedy, with a clear set up and punch line. It set up Twilight being stuck in the sticky tape, which was still funny, but paid of that action with the punch line of it all being completely avoidable if Twilight had thought clearer, which was even funnier. What you have done, is created a very good set up, expanding upon the concept of the original's story for arguably even greater comedy. But, you have failed to follow up on this set up with a comedic punch line to end the story, instead choosing a more heartfelt and cute ending, with the inclusion of a moral. Whilst the attempt at a moral was admirable, it is not the point of a simple comedy.

Regardless, these are just some mindless nit-picks in an otherwise well written and funny story. Good job :).

That's fine. I understand.

I actually am working on a new Rainbow Dash story at the moment.

Feel free to tell me what you think of my other stories. Can't wait to see what you think of them.

Alrighty then, not my cup of tea, I prefer Earl grey, but fair enough.

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