the story-line is bad because i was writing issues of in this story i wont remove it and actually leave it posted why just to annoy the hater i am bidding my excuse for this. but i will still do stuff about just bad writing and simply say it. the hard words were and are my own ego blowing itself up.
so sorry.

first i tell you the do's and don't's
do say what you dislike
don't insult me or the story
do have respect for me and my writing stile
don't be vague.
do write how i can improve the story clearly if you hate the number of difficult words pic the once you don't understand and write them down..
This one i did appreciate from dangerousDoc

Ye-ouch! that's like dragging your eyes over a cheese grater.
Would you kindly, place your story into paragraphs.

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