• Member Since 16th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen Sep 26th, 2015


Comments ( 10 )
  • Viewing 6 - 10 of 10

I can't decide if this entire account is brilliant satire or just regular old terrible.

This account looks like you've lost a bet and created an entirely new account because you're too ashamed to put these stories on the mane account. The fact that these stories are only there to compliment pictures is absolutely bonkers:facehoof:

1508911 "You're either an absolute amateur or just an incredibly lazy excuse for a writer. "Absolute amateur. I have never written anything like these before, and there were just meant to be personal accompaniment for some images I commissioned on HF. Then a commenter suggested that I put those here, and the rest is history... I will keep your advice in mind, and is currently trying to learn & improve. So thank you.

Have you other tips you are willing to share?

Your stories are so poorly executed that they're fun. Fun in a straight to DVD sci-fi channel movie kinda way. Seriously, never change, but take some time to improve your sex scene execution. You're far too simplistic, friend. Remember the show vs tell rule and expand on your fuck prose. I just got done reading your Nurse Redheart story, and I'll admit I popped a half-chub, but I couldn't stop laughing at how lackluster and callous you were with your approach.

It was dry, in particular the penetration scene. Your character (you I'm assuming) just sticks it in, and we as readers get.... nothing. No detail, no description of how tight or wet her virgin pussy is, we just get: I stuck it in. Oh, and then there's blood, I guess.
That's just no good. We need sudden physical reactions. Did she get tighter, did she get wetter? What does her virgin blood feel like drizzling down the main characters shaft and balls?

And the fucking, for shame. You're either an absolute amateur or just an incredibly lazy excuse for a writer. If you were a sandwich maker in a deli, I'm sure you'd be fired on the grounds of ineptitude for trying to sell your customers bread sandwiches. I mean, you promised this big juicy rape filet mignon and all you delivered was a block of tofu.Fix yourself and go harder. Bring the seasoning. We need more juicy details if we're going to get off to this guy's (your?) violation of our favorite health care provider or any future victims he might have in mind. Sounds, smells, sights, the feel of her flesh, tastes, her squishy voluptuous backside, anything more than what you put down. We can see the passion in the pace of your writing, but the scene you convey is less than impressive and I'm positive that that wasn't even close to your best efforts. Try harder and make a better product. Don't just settle for sub-parity.

Your Antagonist

  • Viewing 6 - 10 of 10
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