1881045
I shall continue the edited version here. That way, you can forward this version to your co-writer before anyone else gets to see it.
It is your story after all. I'm just trying to make it a bit more coherent and gripping.

Not doing it tonight, and my job means I may be working late, resulting in me being too tired to edit coherently.

Glad to hear you appreciate my input. My own story here didn't fare too well, although originally it was copy-pasted from my microsoft word copy, and wasn't paragraphed properly. This made it difficult to read and hence it got quite a few downvotes.
That and nothing much happens in my own story until chapter 3. The first 2 chapters are explaining how the main 6 get to a different planet, and why.

I am building up to a big finish with that story. I intended it to actually fit in with the canon series, although the way things will end up near the end, you'd wonder how they're going to get out of it.

1880976 Okay, as I said before my co-author and I usually work our plot lines together, Warhammer Chaos In Equestria is the one between the two of us where we have been going back and forth in... However, seeing as though I value well educated opinions, and I haven't played the table top since 4th or 5th edition, I wouldn't be adverse to having an editor, though I will need to talk to Death about it seeing as it is "our story" and not just mine. Also, you may continue the edit if you wish, but please send it in a message form so that there are no spoilers, I'll talk to you about how it could be improved. If we decide to have you as an editor, then I will be adding you in the description as proper!

Thanks for the offer, I shall see ye in the messages.

1879931
Forgot to put that edited paragraph up as a reply.

Let me know whether you want me to continue and do a re-typed version of the full first chapter.

Also, there's no description of the sort of battlefield they're fighting over in that first part. (Not that it really needs it, but it'd add some meat to the story).

Okay, here's my attempt to show how I may have worded that first paragraph of your story.

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The Celestian carved through her foe, these Chaos Daemons were easily dispatched.
(Personally I'd have changed "Daemons" to "Cultists". Have you compared the stat lines of Chaos daemons to Sisters of Battle in the actual game?)

She turned and looked upon the small squad she had taken with her, comprised mostly of Battle Sisters.
Despite their lack of experience, they seemed to faring quite well.

As she turned back to her foe, however, she paid for her lapse of concentration by receiving a Daemon Maul to the chest, hurling her backwards through her squad and shattering her armoured battle plate.

This new adversary, a Chaos Marine wearing black and red armour with a golden trim, easily tore through her small force, crushing them all into bloody ruin with his maul.

In the aftermath of the carnage, he reached down and began to rip apart their bodies, soaking his armour in their blood and chanting in praise to his false god.

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Should I continue?

Not a problem.
As for my pony themed marine army, I never really gave much thought to naming the chapter. Originally did the force as a bit of fun, although it's grown WAY beyond a joke force now.
https://www.derpiboo.ru/906966?scope=scped9961933fd1f65abb6ae419307a0233cde257c8a

Not really looked at any of your other stories yet. As for the story you've just started, it could do with some re-phrasing in parts, and possibly better descriptions. I will try doing my own version of the first paragraph of your story later, so you can see what I mean.
Bit over-tired at the moment. it's just gone past 3am here in the UK.