You wanna see something nuts?

New contest the first Monday of each month.

Lots of people are smarter than me. I like to say what they said to sound even smarter.

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
- Lazarus Long, Time Enough For Love

"When I took the job, I braced myself for criticism... ...If I'm doing my job right, you'll be surprised." - Lauren Faust

"If everyone is thinking alike then somebody isn't thinking." - Gen. G. S. Patton

"The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense." - Tom Clancy

"Oh that? I thought of that while I was riding my bicycle." - Albert Einstein, on General Relativity

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka' but 'That’s funny...'" - Isaac Asimov

"Professing themselves to be wise, they become fools." - Romans 1:22

"Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us." - Steven Colbert

"I never said I was smart, mister, I just let you keep thinkin' that. Only thing I proved was that I'm a mite smarter than y'all." - Hailey Claire

"It takes a lot of things to prove you're smart, but only one to prove you're ignorant." - Don Herold

"It's really difficult for fanatic churchgoers to understand that God can't help me [up there]. I'm the only one who can help me." - Chuck Yeager

"You're only young once, but you can be immature forever!" - Germaine Greer

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgiving by the hand, lead him to a quiet place and kill him." - Mark Twain

"Timothy, 'fair' means I bring all my people home alive. Fuck the others." - John Clark, Rainbow Six

"Reality is that which, if you stop believing in it, does not go away." - Philip K. Dick

"Any technology, no matter how primitive, is magic to those who don't understand it." - Florence Ambrose, Freefall

"You're so hotly contested, here's a tip; You should rename your thighs to the Gaza Strip" - Ken Ashcorp, Absolute Territory

"I think darkness is something people naturally deal with without being told they need to deal with it." - Private Chocolate Escort, /rage/ Skype chat

"Gunmetal nettle in a meadow full of buttercups. Shark fin cuttin' through a slew of rubber ducks." - Dan Bull, Ghost Recon Wildlands

"I ain't good, I an't bad, and I sure as hell ain't ugly." - Jesse McCree