HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF MEN'S WAREHOUSE

NOW THIS IS THE STORY ALL ABOUT HOW EVERY PERSON IN THIS WORLD CAN’T RESIST MY PLOW AND I’D LIKE TO TAKE A MINUTE TO TALK ABOUT MY KIT, YOU’LL LIKE THE WAY IT LOOKS…I GUARANTEE IT

IN NEW YORK CITY, BORN AND RAISED POLISHING MY PISTOL’S HOW I SPENT MY DAYS, FINGERING, TINKERING, TOUCHING UP MY TOOL CLEANING IT AND MAKING ALL THE LOVELY LADIES DROOL WHEN SUPERMAN FELL FROM THE SKIES ABOVE, SAID, “I CAN PWN YOUR PURPLE-HELMETED WARRIOR OF LOVE”. SO I GAVE HIM A TASTE OF MY PILE-DRIVING PLEXUS AND REALIZED, “I SHOULD MAKE MEN’S SUITS IN TEXAS”

I HAILED FOR A CAB AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR IT HAD A STICKER THAT SAID “OBJECTS SMALLER IN MIRROR”. SAID I TO THE CABBIE “I CAN PROVE THAT WRONG!” SO I SHOWED THE GOOD SIR MY SIZEABLE SCHLONG, IT VERILY WAS A SIGHT THAT HE JUST COULDN’T QUIT AND THAT’S WHEN I FIRST PROCLAIMED, “I GUARANTEE IT!”

I PULLED UP TO MY MANSION WITH A TRUCK FULL OF WOMEN AND GAVE THEM ALL A TASTE OF MY OMNIPOTENT SEMEN, LOOKED AT MY KINGDOM AND KNEW I WOULD FIT AND THAT’S HOW I CAME TO SAY, “I GUARANTEE IT”