What is a mediocre villain to do these days? How in Equestria do you compete with the likes of Chaos gods and love-stealing shapeshifters? Ever since those Bearer brats found the Elements of Harmony and Princess Celestia's long-lost and kind-of-evil-but-not-really-in-the-end sister returned, nopony bats an eye at the small potatoes any more.

Small Potatoes himself just cannot take being relegated to the side lines any longer! He has one, glorious plan in the works, one that might finally see it - his name, that is - go down in history. He's going to do the one thing that villains all over Equestria have been failing to do since that fateful Summer Sun Celebration to stop the Guardians of Harmony once and for all.

He's going to hire somepony else to do the job for him.

[This story contains scenes about death, attempted murder, some blood and an injury described in light-moderate detail (and with a humourous bent, I'm hoping.)]

I wanted to practice my poetry, so I'm going to try to write a poem for as many characters as possible.

The Incomplete tag will likely be here forever, as this is going to be somewhat of a 'publish whenever I write a thing' thing.

After a talk with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, Twilight Sparkle is left confused. The Sisters believe that there may be a way for her to become like them. A way for her to become nigh-immortal.

Twilight isn't sure what she wants.

With no idea how to move forward by herself, she looks to her friends for advice.

It's been a year for the now ex-Sirens, and it hasn't been a good one. It's time for one last shot at regaining their powers, and this time, they're going straight for the source of their problems.

The Rainbooms defeated them using the Magic of Friendship, surely it can't be that hard to learn. All they need to do is spin a little sob story and they'll be welcomed in with open arms. Probably.

Well, what better way to win the eternal affections (and glorious, glorious magic) of the Pony-Up Pals than to set them all up with their soulmates? Now the only problem is working out who wants who, should be simple, right?

One night, everypony went to sleep. They were Earth Ponies, Pegasi and Unicorns.

When they woke up, they were not.

Shenanigans ensued.

_____________________________

A new spin on one of the Standard Pony Cliches - Alicornisation.