Chapter 1
Hello. My name is Lucas. I am a human living in the 'magical' world of Equestria. If you have been following my adventures, then you would know that Celestia brought me to an Equestria that was ravaged by Reapers. Yes, the same Reapers from the game Mass Effect. They were summoned by the Changeling ruler, Queen Chrysalis after she drained Shining Armor's life force. In order to stop this, Celestia sent me and one of her commanders, Derpy Hooves, to stop Chrysalis before she gained this power to summon the Reapers. If you haven't been following, I have recorded these stories for further details. But now is not the time to re-tell those stories. Today is the day of the wedding... And the day of the Changeling invasion...
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Twilight had begun to sing, "Morning in Ponyville shimm-"
"SHUT UP YOU FREAKING PIECE OF BULLCRAP!" Isaac yelled as he sat up in his bed.
"What have we told you about those freaking musical numbers?!" I yelled as I also sat up in my bed. Derpy, Jeremy, and Ben did the same.
Twilight sighed, "Not before ten o'clock and not around Isaac..."
"And what time is it?" I asked, irritated. "And before you say anything, no, it's not adventure time!"
She replied, "It's seven thirty..."
"Don't let it happen again." I warned. With that, we all lied back down and fell asleep again. We slept for another hour and and a half, then I woke up and spoke with grogginess in my voice. "Alright guys. We gotta-" I yawned. "-We gotta get ready. The wedding is today. And so is the-" Everyone was still sleeping. "Guys? Guys! Come on! We gotta get ready! Today's the day of the invasion!" Derpy got up slowly, but my human friends didn't budge.
Isaac said while still laying down, "Lucas, you're a piece of bullcrap."
I sighed. "The sooner you guys get up, the sooner you can kill changelings."
With that, they were instantly on their feet and Jeremy said, "We're up."
"Alright guys," I started. "we may have a full-blown invasion on our hands, so be ready for a war. I told Twilight and her friends that we would meet them at the train station in about two hours."
"I'll go there when I feel like it." Isaac said as he spread the dragon wings that he stole. Don't even ask me how he spread them, considering they're attached only by duct tape, because I don't know.
I replied, "You know, I figured you'd say that. If we make it on time, I'll give you waffles."
He contemplated this, "GHFGSFGXXFFDZFF! K." With that, we each prepared our individual selves for what we needed. Isaac grabbed his Disc of Light and blue beard. I sheathed Chillrend and attached my Chaos Emerald to my hip. Ben took a couple of swipes with his Keyblades, and Jeremy cocked his shotgun and tested the readiness of his hidden blade. Derpy equipped herself with her two handguns, her sub machine gun, and five muffins that I assumed were her fabled Muffin Grenades. But then she grabbed a larger machine gun, caressed it and said quietly, "The war's almost over now, Char. Just like I promised..."
"Who's Char?" I asked.
She looked up. "You heard that?" She asked, then paused. "...Do you guys have time for a story?"
"NO." My human friends said in unison.
I glared at them and said, "Yeah, we do. We don't have to be at the train station for a little while." They all shouted out in disdain and sat on the floor.
"Okay..." Derpy started. "Here we go.
"Char is a cousin of mine. Charcoal Hooves, actually. Heh, when we were younger, I wasn't able to pronounce that, so I always called him Char Char, but as we grew older, it lost the second 'Char'. He was a gray pegasus, like me, but his mane was shaggy and brown. He also had a beard. If you would have told me in my younger years that a pony could grow a beard, I would have called you crazy. But Char did... good old Char. The thing about him was, that even though he was a pegasus, he chose to work in the underground manufacturing factories. Thus, his voice was rough yet still full of care. Oh, and he also always wore goggles on the top of his head. I definitely remember the goggles...
"Anyway, when the Reapers attacked, Char took the leadership role in making our weapons. He made darn good weapons too. The last time I saw him, he gave his life so that I could meet Celestia and go back through time...
"The battle was fierce... I was all alone and outnumbered, but I had to fight! The fate of our time rests on me. But... it doesn't look like I'm gonna make it out of this one... there are robot zombies everywhere... and my pistols are running low on ammo... But even then, I yelled, 'BRING IT!' I fired my pistols while backing into a corner. But then, my pistols clicked, meaning I used the last of my ammo. Crap. I closed my eyes, slid down into a sitting position and tilted my head up. Is this the end?
"'Not on my watch!'"
Char! My eyes shot open. He had two large machine guns and he mowed down all the robot zombies. I stood up and walked over to him.
"'Thanks. I would have been a goner if you hadn't jumped in.' I said.
"'I just found out,' he started in that rough, deep voice of his. 'that you were going to end this war. Is it really true?'
"'Yeah.' I started. 'Celestia has a plan. She's going to send me to the past to change this future.'
"'Is that it then? In that case, the factories will be dispersing. Here.' He handed me one of the large machine guns, along with a sub machine gun.
"'Thanks, Char... for everything. None of this would've been possible without you... I'm gonna miss you." I said with tears welling up in my eyes.
"He smiled as he closed his eyes and looked up. 'Nah. I wasn't anything all that special. There is shed filled to the brim with all the ammo you'll need. I will buy you as much time as I can.' He readied his machine gun.
"'But...' I started. 'But that's a suicide mission!'"
"He walked over to me and hugged me. 'I love you, cousin. It was an honor and a pleasure serving with you. Now, promise me...' He loosened his embrace. 'Promise me that you'll end this war.' He began to walk away.
"'Don't go, Char...' I cried with tears streaming down my face. But I realized that he had to go. 'I love you Char... I promise you with all that I am, I will end this war...'
"'See you later cousin.' He waved as we parted ways. I went to the shed he told me about, replenished my ammo, and met Celestia at our designated meeting spot. Then, Lucas showed up, and you guys know the rest." Derpy concluded her story.
"That was a stupid story." Jeremy said.
I threw a round-house kick to his stomach then spoke to Derpy. "Wow. I feel sorry for you. That gives me even more incentive to stop the changelings."
Jeremy clutched his stomach and said, "I. Hate. You."
"I know." I said as I looked at my watch. "Alright guys. Let's head to the train station."
When we arrived, we were greeted by Twilight and her friends who all looked excited to be attending a wedding. We all boarded the train. When the train started moving, I gathered everyone together. "Hey guys, listen up." I had their attention. "As you know, we are here for one thing, to stop the changelings. It's gonna be a long, hard battle. But if we stick together, arm and arm, we will win this fight. To some of us, it's our destiny. You guys are my best friends in this world that we MUST defend. So, come on. The time is right and there's no better team than us! We have to face all our challenges along the way with courage. Our hearts are true, and I know our courage will pull us through-"
Isaac interrupted. "Are you quoting Pokemon?"
".........Way to ruin the moment." I said. "Either way, whether it refers to being a Pokemon Master or fighting to save the world, it still rings true. We can overcome this threat together!"
I put my hand in the middle of all of us. Derpy followed, putting her hoof on my hand. Fluttershy was next, followed by Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Rarity. We waited as my earth friends stood there. Ben facepalmed, but he put his hand in there as well.
"You are all pieces of crap." Isaac said as he placed his hand on top of Ben's. We all looked at Jeremy.
"No." He said.
"But-" I started.
"No." But he reluctantly put his hand on top of Isaac's anyway.
"...Should we say something?" Ben asked.
I paused. "...Crap. This is awkward... I didn't think this far ahead... I guess we should, but what?"
"Waffles." Isaac said.
"Okay." I said. "I guess on the count of three we'll shout waffles. It's not like we have anything better to shout."
"No, I mean, you owe me waffles." Isaac demanded.
"Yeah, um, I don't actually have waffles on me at the moment..." I admitted.
He frowned at me. "I'm majorly disappointed in you."
"For forgetting the waffles?" I asked.
"For everything you do." He retorted. "But at the moment, yes, for the waffles."
"Yeah, well, um..." I said nervously. "Alright everyone! On the count of three, we shout 'waffles'! One, two, three!"
"WAFFLES!" We shouted in unison. I'd be lying if I said some ponies in the traincar with us didn't give us weird looks.
Twilight noticed this and said to them, "Well at least we have friendship! What now?!?"
My human friends and I facepalmed as Jeremy said, "That was the worst comeback ever. Of all time."
"Wow. That's pretty bad, especially coming from a homeschooler." I remarked.
After that, the train ride was generally quiet and boring, not like the Excess Express from Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. Now THAT was a fun train ride. But I digress.
The boredom was getting pretty bad until finally, "BING BONG BING BONG! Thank you for choosing the Cantorlot Coast-to-Coast Rail-Ride. Please join us again for all your traveling needs!"
We finally made it! We departed the train and were greeted by Celestia. I didn't really pay attention to her as I was gaping at all the extra security for this wedding, especially the force field made of magic that surrounded the city. The only thing I caught her say was, "...and I have commanded the shops to treat you as royalty as you are the higher than than the royal guards at this event. All debts will be paid my me."
My eyes opened wide and sparkled, and I most likely had the most stupid look on my face. "C'mon guys! Let's go get some pizza. And maybe some milkshakes."
What? I'm a sucker for free pizza and milkshakes! Shoot me.
Everyone liked this idea, so that's what we did. As we made our way to the food parlor, we gazed at the castle and saw the beauty of it. It truly was a magnificent sight to behold. But it was no where near as good as the pizzas we ordered. They were, for lack of a better word, legendary! Would you believe that Twilight and her friends had never had pizza before? There couldn't have been a better pizza to start with! Oh, and the milkshakes, they were good, but we had the most hilarious experience.
Pinkie Pie, the escentric pony that she is, drank hers a bit too fast. She got a major brain freeze. We all started laughing as she rolled on the floor in circles to get it to go away. Hey, don't give me that look. It's not like we could've helped her.
...But all good things must come to an end...
As we all regained our composure and Pinkie shot an icy glare at all of us, the force field protecting the city disintegrated. While Twilight and her friends held a shocked look on their faces, Derpy, my friends, and I just frowned, as we knew what this meant. Then, Jeremy smiled and said, "Let the fun begin." As we readied our weapons, a feeling sank into my chest. Was it fear? Nah, I knew we could handle this. Despair? No, I had plenty of faith in our abilities and that my God would protect us all the way. Was it... Sadness? I guess it is. This was the end. And I knew after all is said and done, all the friendships I made here would vanish...
"Look like chaos is raging, and not on my behalf either." My thoughts were interrupted by the voice that belonged to Discord.
I turned and questioned him, brandishing Chillrend. "What do you what?" The changelings began to fall around us.
"Y'know," He started. "you had me thinking the last time we met." As if out of nowhere, a monocle and what I assume to be a cup of tea appeared. He took a bite out of the teacup. He continued as he chewed the glass. "I couldn't understand why you showed me such kindness after the evil I did to you. In fact, I still do not understand. But I decided that I should repay you for that kindness. Go on to the castle. It's your best chance." We nodded and started running. The monocle disappeared off of Discord's eye as he spoke to the changeling horde that stood before him. "I hear that you are causing utter chaos and general terror. That's my shtick, and I don't very much like things imposing on my shtick."
We fought on through, advancing to the castle. Eventually, we had to stop to reload and refresh ourselves. To give us more time, I used the Chaos Control to slow time around us. I spoke, "There's too many of them... I dunno if we're going to make it..."
Both Applejack and Rarity stepped forward. Applejack spoke, "Y'all go on ahead. If you want any chance a' winnin' this battle, you gotta keep movin'. We'll hold them off."
"But that's a death wish!" Derpy shouted.
"Listen here." Applejack commanded. "If what y'all have told us is indeed true, if we don't do this, all of Equestria- no- the entire world will be reduced to ashes!"
"And we simply cannot let that come to pass!" Rarity added.
I sighed. "Godspeed."
Applejack smiled and tipped her hat. "Likewise. It was nice knowin' y'all, partner." As time reverted to normal, we continued to advance. "Y'all ready?" Applejack asked Rarity.
"I don't have any other choice but to be ready." She replied.
Applejack smiled as she tipped her hat down and yelled, "COME GIT SOME!"
Rarity yelled as well. "HAVE AT YOU, YOU BEASTS!"
We continued to advance to the castle, constantly looking for quicker routes. My only complaint would be that in the time it took for Twilight and her friends to take down one changeling, my friends, Derpy, and myself would already have dispatched more than a dozen each.
We turned around an alleyway, only to be greeted by a dead-end. So we turned around, only to see that we had been surrounded. We readied our weapons, but the ground shook as a thunderous roar resounded across the sky. Next, a dragon landed on the changelings and fought them off as man hopped off and faced us. I have to say, we were quite shocked as he removed his helmet.
Fluttershy, oddly enough, broke the silence. "DRAGONBORN!" She flew to him and hugged him.
"Hehe. Hey there, young Fluttershy. I assume you are your correct size now? Hmm. That is pleasant news." He said. I have to admit, I was a bit mesmerized by his beard.
"I see you made it, and with an armor upgrade no less! Nice!" I remarked.
"Yes, lad. Pure Daedric. I am correct in assuming this is the changeling invasion? It seems there is great power resonating from the castle."
I replied. "And that's where we're headed. Do you think you could hold them off of our backs?"
"Oh but of course!" The Dragonborn exclaimed. "'Tis but a simple task. Anything to aid young Fluttershy and her friends. Also, I love a good fight. It's in my Nord blood. Well, you go on ahead." He jumped back onto his dragon. "We'll handle things back here. Odahviing! To the skies!" His dragon, the one called Odahviing, began to ascend.
"Um, Lucas," Fluttershy quietly spoke to me, "I'd like to go with him... I mean if that's okay with you..."
I smiled. "Sure. Go right ahead." I motioned to everyone else. "C'mon guys. We gotta keep moving."
With that, we parted ways with Fluttershy and drew ever closer to the castle gates. Just before we reached the gates, however, we noticed a battalion of changelings guarding the path we had to take to get in.
I motioned for everyone to crouch. "Alright," I whispered, "they haven't seen us yet. If we're quiet, we may be able to-"
Rainbow Dash stood up and unfurled her wings. "It's my turn guys. Goodbye and good luck." She motioned 'goodbye' with her hoof. Before anyone could get a word in, she took off running, then began flying. And she flew faster, she yelled, "YEEAAAAHHHH!!" She performed a Sonic Rainboom right in the midst of the battalion. In all that confusion, the rest of us quickly dashed inside the castle.
Once inside, Twilight spoke, "... This isn't right."
"What's that?" I asked.
She replied as she began to cry. "It's like we're being sacrificed one after another! Why is this happening?!?"
Derpy looked her in the eye and said. "Listen. If we don't stop Crysalis... If she summons the Reapers, then we all die. All of Equestria- no- all of the world will burn. I can't bring them back if they die. But, because of them, we have a chance to save the future of this world."
Twilight sighed. "I guess your right-"
As she said that, yet another horde of changelings broke through the entrance. Twilight closed her eyes and sighed again. She spoke, "I guess the time to show my magical prowess has come." Her horn glowed and her eyes were blindingly white. "GO!" She yelled. We did as she commanded.
As we ascended the castle, the changelings that guarded the corridors grew in number. It came to a point where their number was almost too great to push on further.
Pinkie Pie giggled. "Even though I love pretending to be a chicken, I can't chicken out now!" Her party cannon appeared out of nowhere. Heh. Classic Pinkie Pie. "You guys keep going. I'll stay here and hold them off."
We nodded and ascended further. "Now," Pinkie said, "I'm gonna show you guys how to party!"
After that, we reached the final door. Beyond it was where the wedding was supposed to be. This had to be where Chrysalis was. "Lucas." Ben interrupted my thoughts.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"If this is where we're supposed to be , why are there no guards?"
He had a good point. The only thing I saw was a changeling body unconscious outside the door. I really couldn't answer him, because I hadn't had the slightest idea.
"No." Derpy said. "This is the place. Chrysalis should be in this room."
We couldn't exactly disagree, so we made sure all our weapons were in working condition, then we rushed in. What we saw nearly astonished us.
"You shall not conquer my kingdom." Celestia stated as she hovered in the air.
"Oh, but what can you do to stop me? My power already far surpasses yours!" The Changeling Queen retorted. She shot a beam of magic from her horn. Celestia did the same, but she was quickly overpowered. She was knocked to the ground with the bodies of Shining Armor, Princess Cadence and a random changeling. She slipped into unconsciousness. Chrysalis began cackling, then she turned to us. "So. You're the ones playing games with my army."
We examined her. She looked like a mutant pony with holes throughout her body, and her wings her were that of an insect. What's odd though, she had a chunk of skin that look like it was ripped from her neck unlike the holes across the rest of her body. It looked different than all the other holes in her body because this wound looked fresh and bloody. She continued to speak. "I've heard much about you humans. I can't say I'm impressed. What hope could you even have to stop me?"
I smirked. "Let's go!" I yelled to my comrades. Despite the 'power' that the changeling queen claimed to have, the battle was short lived. Instantly, Ben dashed to her, yelled,"THIS IS FOR STEALING MY NOODLES!", kicked her into the air and did a mid-air spinning combo. As they were in the air however, Chrysalis used her magic to hold Ben in a sort of stasis. But that didn't last long. I used the Chaos Control to slow time. I ran up, jumped and hacked off Chrysalis' horn, freeing Ben. Then, as I fell, I threw a round-house kick to her chest. Jeremy pumped a few shotgun shells into her as Isaac flew up with his dragon wings, tore her insect wings off, which Derpy obliterated with her machine gun, and as Chrysalis fell, Isaac threw his Disc of Light which severed both of her hind legs. He yelled, "MLG PROOOOO!"
To which Jeremy replied, "Major League Popes!"
When Chrysalis hit the floor, she groaned in pain. "Such... Such overwhelming power..." We slowly walked to face her where she fell. "With your power, we could rule the entire world! You could be gods!"
At this, Derpy answered shortly. "With what power could you bestow? If I had learned anything from Lucas and his friends, which I have, it's that there's only one God, and I REALLY don't wanna try to take His place. And there is no way you have any power that could rival His."
Chrysalis frowned, "Is that really your answer? At this point, I have overthrown the kingdom, and you have plenty of time to make your decision." Somehow, she caused images to fly around the room, showing what 'could be' if we joined her. Needless to say, we didn't like what we saw.
"Listen here." Derpy commanded. "I've waited and watched as my world burned. Char... Not only him, but all my other family and friends... My home... Everything that I had ever cared about, all destroyed for what YOU caused. So, you see, I'm not real big on waiting." She readied her machine gun to fire. "You ask me, I'VE WAITED LONG ENOUGH!!!"
She fired on all the images, and as the bullets made impact, they shattered like glass. CLICK! Derpy tossed away her machine gun and pulled out her SMG, continuing her barrage. Weird. It seemed time flowed in slow motion, and I didn't even use Chaos Control. As the last of the images shattered, Derpy drew her two handguns and aimed them at Chrysalis. And then...
BANG. BANG.
Derpy walked back to us with a sort of empty expression. She spoke, "It's done... We have effectively saved the future of this world. Now what do we do?"
"I dunno about you," Jeremy replied, "but I say we go home. But you don't have a home, so your kinda screwed."
I spoke to him. "Well, that's all fine and dandy, but our way home is lying on the ground unconscious." I pointed to Celestia's body.
"You're an idiot, Lucas." Isaac insulted. "Just use the Chaos Control."
"AND I wanna see if we get a reward for stopping the invasion." My earth friends nodded, but Derpy just stared at me. "What? I spent like six months of my life here, more or less, and I want a memento of my time here. And a plastic, glowy unicorn horn from the gift shop is NOT gonna cut it."
Just then, the doors to the courtroom flung open, and Pinkie Pie walked in, but collapsed, grasping her stomach. Derpy and I were instantly by her side. Blood streamed from her lip and poured from where she held her stomach.
"Did we-" She coughed twice, then continued weakly. "Did we win?"
"Yeah," Derpy replied, "but there's no time for that. We gotta get you to a doctor!"
"Nuh-uh." Pinkie protested. "I don't think that'll work..." She showed the wound she was covering. It was extremely bad. She continued. "I don't think I'm gonna make it."
"Don't talk like that!" Derpy commanded. "We gonna get you out of here and we'll-"
Pinkie stopped her. "Every party's gotta end sometime, right? Hehe." It was evident she had already lost too much blood. She looked to me. "Thank you, Lucas, for everything... You brought more excitement to this world than even a party pony like myself could ever bring. I wouldn't have wanted my life any other way." She smiled then closed her eyes. Her breathing stopped... She was dead. We didn't say anything. We couldn't say anything, because, frankly we were utterly shocked and saddened.
Just then, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy flew in. It looked as if they had been crying. "What happened?" I asked.
Rainbow spoke, with sobs in her voice. "Twilight... Twilight's dead... We found her body buried under a lot of changelings... She didn't make it..." They began to cry again.
I questioned further. "What about Discord? And the Dragonborn?"
Fluttershy quietly spoke, "The Dragonborn went back to his world as soon as the changelings stopped invading..."
"...And Discord's nowhere to be found." Rainbow added.
As if on cue, Rarity walked in holding Applejack's hat.
"Where's Applejack?" I didn't need to ask. I had surmised that she had perished as well. Rarity sobbed and shook her head. This was heavy news indeed.
"Listen." I spoke to everyone. "This news that I have just received is truly disheartening indeed. Celestia is unconscious and cannot send us home at the moment, so in the meantime, we'll hold a funeral for our friends.
"They were never our friends." Jeremy protested.
"Shut up." I said shortly. "They fought by our side, so we are holding a freaking funeral."
"Do you even know how to hold a funeral?" Ben asked.
I paused. "Um... Well... No... But I figured we'd just wing it like we always do. I'm sure it'll turn out fine."
We left the throne room and searched the city for the bodies of the remaining ponies, aside from Pinkie, as we already had her body. Once we found them, we boarded the next train to Ponyville and began preparations for the funeral.
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"We are gathered here today," I was appointed as the 'pastor' of the funeral, so to speak. "in honor and memory, of fallen comrades, friends, and allies, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Twilight Sparkle." I never did get used to Twilight's last name, as it still made me cringe a bit after saying it. "We dedicate this small hilltop outside of Ponyville as a reminder of the bravery and courage they showed. I cannot speak anybody else, but it was truly an honor fighting by their side. May this hilltop always shine their courage and bravery, so that no creature, human and pony alike, will ever forget. Requiescat in Pace, my friends. Rest in peace." I walked away from the podium to where my earth friends and Derpy stood as the few ponies that attended the funeral applauded.
"I don't get it..." Derpy said.
"Don't get what?" I asked.
She replied, "In my timeline, Twilight and her friends didn't die until after the Reapers were summoned. But here, in this timeline, half of them died during the invasion. It doesn't make sense!"
"Now that you mention it," I rubbed my chin. "that is strange. Other than us being there and stopping Chrysalis before she was blasted away, nothing really happened differently-" Then, I gasped. "Crap! If I remember the show correctly, which I assume is your original timeline, Twilight and her friends fought as a group, correct?"
"Yeah..." She responded.
"In this one, we each separated at certain points along the way..."
"...Thus, they were overrun..." Derpy finished for me. I nodded. She spoke again. "We did get to Chrysalis a lot faster this time though..."
"I think I see." Ben interrupted. "With them as a group, they all survive for the moment, but are killed later by Reapers, along with the rest of the race. With them separated, some of them die, while stopping the Reaper threat and saving their entire race."
"Dying so that others might live..." Derpy muttered.
"So, it was a necessary sacrifice..." I said.
As I said that, Celestia, now conscious again, flew down to us. Actually, I'm surprised that she found us. She spoke in that regal tone of hers. "Congratulations. Thanks to your efforts, I do believe you saved my people."
"But it didn't come without a cost..." I spoke.
She replied, "I see, which is partially why I am here. The other part is to give something to, Commander Hooves, was it?"
"Please, just call me Derpy." Derpy replied. "And, what is it?"
"Yes. Derpy. What I wish to bestow upon you," Celestia said, "just like your counterpart in this timeline, is your mail carrier job. I am correct in assuming that was once your job in your time?"
"Yes..." Derpy looked down and her mane covered her eyes. "...but I must respectfully decline your offer." Celestia raised her eyebrow. "Living in this timeline, I was able to see the peace that ponies have. They were so joyful. This is how they lived their lives before the Reapers, and, now, that's how they will continue to live their lives. It's all so beautiful. It's too dazzling for me. Could I really accept this kind of happiness? Could I start my life over? If I lost my memories and and regained my old personality, then maybe I'd be able to. But then, what does it mean to go back? That's not the life I have anymore... That's someone else's life now." Tears began welling up in her eyes, and ponies started paying attention to us. "Everybody only get's to live life once, and it's right here. THIS is my life. I can't entrust it to someone. I can't steal a new life. I can't force it on anyone. I can't forget it or erase it. I can't stomp over it, laugh it off or beautify it. I can't- I can't anything to it! I have to... I have to accept my one shot at life, no matter cruel or merciless or unfair that I thought it was. Don't you see, Princess? That's why I promised my Celestia to always keep fighting. I promised her so that no person or pony lives through what I did. Because how could anyone... ACCEPT THAT KIND OF LIFE?!? But..." She paused. I think the ponies in charge of the funeral music felt the emotion in the air and they began playing music.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pOgAS-06-Q
Derpy continued as the music played, letting her tears flow freely at this point. "...I wouldn't trade the life I lived for anything. Especially the time with Lucas and his friends. All the joy, all the sorrow, all the excitement, all the boredom... Every single moment that I shared with them... It's all been so special to me. I wouldn't- I COULDN'T trade it for anything! And somehow, now, those times, those memories..." She paused to get a hold of her sobs. "Somehow, they have become my most precious treasure." She sniffed.
"Is that how it is then? Is there no way that I can persuade you?" Celestia asked.
Derpy shook her head. "No, because this world doesn't hold anything for me anymore. And that's why..." She looked to me and my friends. "I would like to come with you guys to your world."
Jeremy, Isaac and Ben broke into hysterical laughter.
"Sure," I replied, "why not?"
Pure joy overtook Derpy's face while pure shock and anger overtook my friends' faces. Isaac yelled at me. "LUCAS! We are NOT taking that piece of trash with us!"
I yelled back, "YOU REDUCED MY HOUSE IN TERRARIA TO A FREAKING CRATER! There was quite literally nothing left! You have to deal with the consequences to your actions, and in this case, Derpy is coming with us. It's my decision, so shut up."
"Lucas, you suck." Jeremy said.
"You're a freaking piece of trash, Lucas." Isaac insulted.
"NUUUUUUU!" Ben yelled.
At this point, you may be asking why I even hang out with them. That's because, beneath all the insults and shenanigans they pull on me, they'll always have my back. They just hate ponies.
"Okay." Celestia said. "I shall send you all back to Lucas' world. But first, your weapons."
"Huh?" I asked.
She responded, "The future Celestia gave you your weapons to stop the invasion, but I cannot allow you to keep them. Give them to me."
I retorted, "Um, how about, no."
She sighed, "I feared that you would rebel like this. GUARDS!" At this point, the ponies had stopped playing music.
Her royal guards surrounded us and pushed us close to each other. We drew our weapons.
"Well," I said as I grabbed my Chaos Emerald, "time to go!"
"But Lucas," Derpy asked, "what about your souvenir?"
"My weapons will have to do!" I looked at Celestia. "Bye! CHAOS CONTROL!" A portal opened beneath our feet and we fell back into our world. We just so happened to land on my basement couch. How convenient. Before any of the guards could get through I used the Chaos Control to close the portal again.
"What will that do?!? Celestia will just reopen it!" Derpy yelled.
I smiled. "Not unless she has a Chaos Emerald. I made it so that the only way to travel to either their world or ours is by using Chaos Control."
"You know we coulda taken them..." Ben mumbled.
"Yeah," I replied, "but I really didn't have the desire to kill anymore people. So Derpy, welcome to TheArchwayTeam!"
Jeremy interjected. "First, it's the Lousy Bagels now. Second, she is NOT joining us!"
I threw another round-house kick to his chest. "Firstly, that hasn't been decided yet! Secondly, yes she is. She helped us out more than anyone in Equestria. She deserves to be a part of the team at the very least."
He groaned. "Fine. I'll consider it. Won't like it, but I'll consider it."
Derpy smiled, then asked, "Now what do we do?"
"I guess we could play Terraria." I suggested.
"You brought a pony to earth. How well do you think that will go?" Isaac threatened.
"On second thought," I said, "how about let's not play Terraria. How about some Castle Crashers?"
Isaac sighed. "I'm cool with that."
And I guess that's it for this adventure.
Oh, and we soon figured out that we had accidentally left Jeremy's Xbox in Equestria, and we had to go retrieve it. I don't mean to brag, but... we pulled off the best Metal Gear Solid sneak mission ever with little to no casualties. We even had cardboard boxes and everything!
It was a good day.
THE END