Slayers F

by Fizzy Orange

First published

Lina Inverse and Naga accidently end up in Princess Luna's Equestria. Explosions and hilarity ensue. Originally part of the Lunaverse April 2013 crossover writing event.

“How could have I known that old mirror was a magical artifact?” asked the dark haired sorceress, siting up and crossing her arms.

“We were in a place called Temple of the Magic Mirror!” shouted Lina, turning back to glare at her unwanted travel companion. “Why did you have to go and hit the darn thing with a Freeze Arrow?!”

A magical accident brings two very unpredictable beings to Princess Luna's Equestria. For once it's no pony's fault! Still, can the ponies handle the explosive personalities of Lina Inverse and her self-styled rival, Naga the Serpent?

Written originally for the Lunaverse April 2013 writing event. This fic is 100% non canon with the rest of the Lunaverse and requires only passing knowledge of that universe to appreciate.

For official chronological order of Lunaverse stories, and everything Lunaverse, please come visit us in the Lunaverse Group!

MAGIC: When it goes wrong, it goes REALLY wrong

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Lina Inverse didn’t want to open her eyes just yet. Whatever her head was laying on it was very comfortable, like a bouncy pillow or something. She fought against wakefulness but the memories of how she landed where she was in the first place just couldn’t be prevented from reasserting themselves.

Fact was, she didn’t remember going to sleep. She did remember that fight against undead ghouls in that temple…and then an explosion and nothing. Finally she decided to give up and open her eyes. She found that her head was actually resting on the generous bust of…

“NAGA?!” she shouted.

“Five more minutes papa…” mumbled Lina’s self-proclaimed rival, as she grabbed Lina in a ridiculously tight hug and then rolled on the side, clutching the diminutive sorceress like a plush toy.

“Can’t…breath…Naga...” came the muffled cries of Lina inverse from between Naga’s chest pillows.

Raindrops was tending to the cloud cover over Carrot Top’s farm, making sure the carrots were going to get enough rain, when she heard an explosion, seemingly coming from Whitetail Woods.

“What the…”

“Lina! Why are you so mean to me,” complained the Naga from her position on the ground, tears streaking down her soot-covered face.

“You deserve twice that for the stunt you pulled back there,” replied Lina, standing with her back to Naga on the other side of the clearing.

The two, once properly awakened, had found themselves to be in the middle of a small clearing in some sort of forest they didn’t recognize. Lina could swear the last forest they had been in had been more coniferous.

“How could have I known that old mirror was a magical artifact?” asked the dark haired sorceress, siting up and crossing her arms.

“We were in a place called Temple of the Magic Mirror!” shouted Lina, turning back to glare at her unwanted travel companion. “Why did you have to go and hit the darn thing with a Freeze Arrow?!”

Naga turned her head away, pouting, “I was trying to hit that icky undead thing! Why do we always end up in stinky dungeon with slimy monsters anyway?”

“I do it for the treasure, who knows why you follow me.”

“I follow you because I’m your rival off course! If you can do something then I must do it too!” said Naga, dramatically pointing a finger at the redheaded sorceress. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it though.”

Lina put a hand to her forehead in frustration. “Whatever… maybe now you can tell where you’ve dragged us. I don’t remember what happened after the mirror blew up.”

“I didn’t drag us anywhere, I don’t remember anything either.”

"That's just great," said Lina, sarcasm almost visibly dripping from her voice."That mirror must have been some sort of teleportation artifact. Who knows where we ended up because of you!"

"It's not my fault those ancient folks can't properly label their magical doodads. Don't blame me for the shortcomings of our forefathers Lina, that's terribly unfair," replied Naga as she stood up.

"You're the one who blasted it and got us lost who knows where!"

"What is done is done," replied the scantly clad sorceress, before a grumble from her stomach interrupted her. "Why don't we find a place to eat instead of standing around assigning blames to each other?"

"You mean blame you?" Replied her petite companion, glaring at her, before her own stomach protested. "You got a point on the food thing. Let's ray wing out of here."

Naga agreed with a nod, but before the two could cast anything, they heard a piercing female cry reverbating through the woods.

Lina gasped."Someone's in trouble!"

Naga shrugged. "It's not our problem, besides I'm hungry."

"Maybe she's being attacked by bandits, and bandits mean treasure!" Said Lina with a greedy glint in her eyes.

"And maybe food!" Said the other, rubbing her exposed stomach.

"And even possibly a reward!"

"Let's go!" They both said, dashing in the direction of the cries.

They weaves between the trees, scattering birds and confused bunnies in their wake.

"Stay back, leave me alone," they heard the same voice as before say.

"We go when you pay," replied a gruff, and rather stupid sounding, voice.

Lina smirked. "Sounds like bandits alright."

They could see the trees thinning and three figures with red vests standing in the middle of what they assume was a road in the woods.

"Hold it right there, bandits!" Shouted Lina as her and Naga leapt onto the road behind the three figures.

Her heroic entrance was marred by the fact that she immediately froze at the scene she discovered. Three of the ugliest beastmen she had ever seen, all of different height and wearing identical red vests, where standing menacingly around a horse. Or rather a pony, seeing as it was rather short. The pony had a cream coloured coat and a two-tone mane in blue and pink, and it wore a pair of saddle bags. Of the woman they had heard through the trees there was no sign. Three bulldog faced beastmen, and even the pony, just stared at the two sorceress, seemingly just as confused by the situation as the two humans.

A gust of wind pushed a bunch of leaves across the road before anything moved. Finally it was the second tallest of the bulldog faced guys who talked first.

"What are they?" He asked.

"I think tall one female Minotaur, look at her udder," said the tallest one, pointing at Naga.

Said sorceress let out an indignant gasp while Lina chuckled at the description of Naga's assets.

"You idiot," called the short one, jumping to smack the back of his partner's vest. "Minotaurs have horns on their head, not their shoulders, they obviously monkeys!"

"Allright you jokers, enough with the name calling! Where's the girl you were threatening?" Called Lina.

"I'm...I'm right here," spoke the pony, timidly raising one of her front hoof.

Lina put a hand to her face, "Off course..." She said softly.

Naga decided to take this lull in the action would be a perfect time to introduce herself and began wit her trademark laugh. The three dog-faced crooks and the pony put their paws, or hooves, up to their ears as one.

"Prepare yourself bandits! For you face the beautiful Naga the Serpent and her sidekick, Lina Inverse!" She declared.

"I'm not your sidekick!" Complained Lina. "You know what, let's just finish this quickly!"

Raindrops was flying over Whitetail Woods, trying to find any traces of that explosion she had heard when she witnessed something that was both impressive and rather confusing.

Not far from her position there was a sudden explosion and a pillar of dirt, rock and smoke burst from the ground! It was as if something had exploded underground. She saw three Diamond Dogs, fur blackened and signature vest shredded by the explosion, flying off into the distance and disappearing over the horizon.

She wondered if the Diamond Dogs had some sort of mining accident and if they had been doing illegal mining near Ponyville again. That explosion looked like it had come from the road in the woods, so Raindrops decided to go and make sure nopony, or dog, hadn’t gotten hurt by that explosion.

When she flew over to the site she found a smoking crater, a frightened looking Bon Bon backing away from it and two lanky figure in sinister looking capes advancing toward her. She had no idea what those things were but they looked really frightening.

Raindrops did the first thing that came to her and she dived toward the two creatures.

“Get away from her!” she shouted loudly as she approached the two figures.

“Ah! Nagaprotectme!” quickly said the smaller of the two as it grabbed the other one and threw it in Raindrops path.

Raindrops ran hoof firt into the creature, sending it flying over the head of the smaller one and hitting the tree. It slid to the ground, twitching and groaning in pain with two horseshoe shaped mark on its face.

“Liiiinaaaa…” it whined.

“Hey what’s the big idea you crazy flying donkey?” asked the obviously outraged redheaded creature.

Raindrops landed and got into a charging stance “Donkey? I’ll show who’s a donkey you hairless ape!”

Bon Bon suddenly stood between her and the creature. “It’s allright Raindrops, they saved me from those Diamond Dogs!”

The redheaded creature nodded. “See? Not bad guys!”

“Now calm down, we need to track down Trixie so she can turn them back into ponies!” added Bon Bon, much to Raindrops surprise.

“Say what?” she and the mysterious creature said at the exact same time.

HONESTY: Always the BEST policy, except when it's not

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“Now wait just a minute here!” said Lina Inverse, her voice rumbling with anger, “no one is turning me into a pony you hear, you crazy pastel critters!”

“Oh I’m terribly sorry, I really shouldn’t have assumed,” said the cream colored pony.

“You think?” sarcastically replied Lina.

“Now that I think about it,” began the pony, putting a hoof to her chin, “I bet your friend is a bovine of some type and you’re a dragon!” she said with a smile.

Both Lina and Naga fell down on their back at the same time.

“Why does everyone keep calling me a cow?!” asked Naga, getting back up in a flash.

“We’re not anything else! We’re humans! Plain old humans!” shouted Lina.

“Bon Bon, what is this all about?” asked the pegasus, massaging her head with a hoof.

“Didn’t we tell you about the time Trixie turned Lyra into that naked bear thing, Raindrops? That’s what she looked like… sorta,” explained Bon Bon, pointing a hoof at the pair.

Raindrops blinked. “So you just thought someone else got transformed by zebra magic?”

“Did you just say ‘Zebra Magic’?” asked a confused Naga, “Lina did she just say ‘Zebra Magic’?”

Lina nodded. “Sounds like that’s what she said…now why don’t you two…ladies I guess… tell us where is the nearest town is and we’ll be on our way.”

“Well it’s Ponyville, down that way,” explained Bon Bon, pointing a hoof down the road past the smoking crater Lina had created, “but no one’s ever seen anything like you around here, they’ll panic if they see you coming.”

“Ponyville? The town’s name is Ponyville?” asked Lina, sighing when she got a nod from both ponies in response, “Where the heck did we end up?”

“You’re near the town of Ponyville, in the North-Everfree province,” answered Raindrops.

“And where is that province?”

“In Equestria.”

“Never heard of it,” said Naga, while Lina just placed a hand over her face in exasperation. “we must be very far from where we started.”

Lina figuratively, and literally exploded. “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT NAGA!” She shouted, her body surrounded by flames.

“Lina calm down! You’re scaring the little horseys!” said the black haired sorceress, quickly backing away from her angry rival.

Lina just stomped toward Naga, still engulfed in flames, “YOU SENT US OFF TO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WITH NO WAY TO GO BACK HOME AND YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN?!”

Lina was suddenly drenched in water, as a burst of rain fell on top of her. This unexpected shower managed to extinguish her flames and cool her down all at once. She looked up in surprise, as the rest of the sky was still clear blue, and she found Raindrops, apparently sitting on a cloud, frowing at her.

The little pegasus flew down in front of Lina, standing on the ground with front hooves spread wide and wings splayed open. “That’s enough out of you, anymore and you could start a forest fire! I’m not sure what you are but you’re not torching anything down on my watch you hear?” she said, glaring at the redhead, “You two obviously need help, in more way than one, so we’ll bring you to our friends and maybewe can help you find out how far you are and maybe, just maybe, even help you get back there faster.”

Lina regarded the tiny yellow pegasus and considered her options. Most of them involved going on a very boring long trip with no one but Naga to talk to, so she decided she would at least get some company out of the deal. Maybe she could get something to eat too.

“But Raindrops, how will we get them into town without everyone panicking?” asked Bon Bon.

Raindrops regarded the two with a pensive look on her face. “I might have an idea...”

“I look ridiculous,” bemoaned Lina.

“We BOTH look ridiculous, but you more than me” added Naga.

“Naga, you always look ridiculous, this is just a different kind of ridiculous for you,” replied Lina.

Naga let loose her annoying laugh,“You say that but I know you’re just jealous, Lina!”

“Jealous? Why would I be jealous?”

“Because mines are bigger,” said Naga with a smile.

“Bigger isn’t always better! Besides, they look fake!” replied the redhead, obviously irritated.

“Will you two shut up! Don’t attract attention!” complained Raindrops.

Lina pointed to the pair of fake horns on her head, “You strapped branches on our heads and you want us to be inconspicuous?!”

The four of them were on the edge of Ponyville proper, on the road leading to the cluster of buildings some would identify as a town. Lina and Naga had been equipped with makeshift costumes put together from moss, branches, tree bark, string (from candy collars) and some bubblegum Bon Bon was carrying around in her saddlebags. They both wore a wig of dark moss from which the branches came out like a pair horns, and some passable hooves had been fashioned out of thick pieces of bark over the humans’ feet.

“Everypony’s seen a minotaur before, if you act the part no one will notice you aren’t,” explained the candy mare.

“How exactly are we supposed to act the part? We’ve never met minotaurs,” asked Naga.

The two ponies stopped in there tracks and looked at each other.

“I’ve only met Iron Will,” said Raindrops.

“Same here, and I mostly just saw him at the market picking up groceries,” added Bon Bon, “I’m not sure how much like the rest of his race he is.”

“Me neither,” admitted the pegasus, “maybe Cheerilee could help?”

Lina sighed and massaged her head a little. The motion displaced her wig and horns so she pushed them back into place. She really hoped the bubblegum hadn’t gone into her hair, as it would be a pain to wash out. These talking ponies were trying to help but they weren’t all that useful.

“Then there’s a good chance he’s the only minotaur anybody else saw, so why don’t you just tell us what he’s like and we’ll go from there?”

The two ponies looked at each other before they shrugged.

Rarity was admiring the new collection of glassware in the window of Pots and Pan’s Platters when she saw the fleeting form of Daisy pass her by. A member of the infamous Flower Trio, Daisy was always prone to fits of panic, so to see her run away scared was not unusual (at least she wasn’t fainting this time around), but it still made one curious as to what scared her, this time.

“…And that’s why I had to walk to back from Hoofington instead of taking the train,” said the voice of Bon Bon.

“I had no idea candy making competition could get so exciting. Though they really let it get out of hoof if the train station got blown up,” replied Raindrops.

Rarity turned in time to see Bon Bon nod in approval. “Yeah, that usually doesn’t happen until the final round.”

Rarity didn’t hear the rest of Bon Bon and Raindrops’ conversation, because she was transfixed by the sight of the two creatures following them. Quite simply she had never seen anything like them before. Bipedal, lanky, mostly hairless, one tall the other short, and wearing bizarre clothing, or at least one of them was wearing clothing the other was wearing mostly string and a cape. They looked a lot like minotaurs but with more pleasing proportions. They were clearly not minotaurs but for some reason wore obviously fake horns and hooves made of pieces of tree to, at least she guest, pass for such. The wigs weren’t particularly convincing either considering that you could see long hair flowing from underneath.

The pair of them were taking confident steps down the street, holding their arms up to their side as if they had giant biceps like some minotaurs had. The short red headed one look mighty uncomfortable and her hairless face was flushed with embarrassment. The other one though seemed to enjoy herself, pausing every few steps to flex her muscles in an overdramatic way. Her athletic build didn’t really have much in term of mass so it was a bit ridiculous compared to the actual minotaur bodybuilders Rarity had once seen in Manehattan. The two quivering lumps on her chest were the only sort of mass that creature had. Rarity had no idea what they were but for some unexplainable reason she felt instinctively threatened by them, as if her beauty and appeal was somehow challenged.

The tall creature spotted her staring as they walked by and stopped. She smiled at Rarity and thrusted her fist forward, one thumb pointing up. The unicorn was rather perplexed at this gesture and could only stare in confusion. After a few second the creature shrugged and kept walking.

This strange encounter ended as quickly as it had started, leaving behind nothing but confusion and possibly some new design ideas.

“Maybe I could create some new types of pockets to keep fruits, like grapefruit or melons, at chest level…” mused Rarity.

Trixie Lulamoon, personal student to Princess Luna, Representative of the Night Court to Ponyville and Element of Magic was facing one of the most difficult decisions she had ever faced! Sweat was beading on her forehead as she concentrated on the task at hand. Finally she had her answer and could make her move.

“B6,” she intoned.

“Missed!” replied Cheerilee with a chuckle.

“BLAST IT! Foiled again!” she shouted, shaking a hoof toward the sky.

Trixie was enjoying some time at her residency with her friend Cheerilee, Element of Laughter and teacher at the local elementary school. The earth pony mare had already won the last four games they had played and Trixie was really hoping she could at least win one before the end of the afternoon.

“I really need to figure out how you can keep winning like this!” complained Trixie.

“It’s easy, you just need to always think at least three steps in advance,” answered Cheerilee.

“We’re playing Battleship,” flatly replied Trixie.

Cheerilee’s response was cut short by some knocking at Trixie’s door. The blue unicorn really considered not answering. This was a day off and her work schedule was clearly displayed near the door, but then she realized that whoever was knocking was probably one of her friend. Ponies who wanted to bother her with official business outside of actual business hours tended to just barge in. Or at least try to do so. Trixie got up and Cheerilee did the same before the two headed out to the front door.

The unicorn opened the door to find Bon Bon, smiling, Raindrops, stoic as always, and two strangely familiar looking creatures, albeit with a few added parts and some strange pieces of clothing. After the second it took her brain to register what she was staring at she gasped and recoiled backward.

“NOT MY FAULT!” She shouted reflexively.