Two friends take a poorly thought-out trip to a foreign city with just their backpacks and a promise to go on. What could possibly go wrong? It's not like magical cartoon characters will appear in a rucksack on your bus, right?
Two eccentric guys, not a shred of a plan, a thousand miles from home in an unfamiliar city. This was never going to end 'well'. But throw in a backpack loaded with trouble, and we're in for a ride that's out of this world.
A quick note: Colloquialisms and mannerisms in this first chapter are simply part of the location, and are not meant to be insulting in any way. This is accurate to my experience, and is meant to set the scene.
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Bus stations suck.
Now I'm not the person who thinks that, right? But there is even more to worry about when you are in a foreign country, surrounded by dozens of people speaking an unintelligible language and seemingly using every excuse to bump into you, maybe even spill some ice-cream down the front of your jacket.
Lucky for me I had a friend with me, a (more or less) local guy. Unluckily the bastard was asleep against our pile of luggage in the corner. Dozy pony-loving dutchman...
The Buffalo City Bus Terminal, as the barely understandable official had called it, was actually little more than a parking lot behind newly modernized restaurant/take away/shop/place near the beachfront front of this underrated South African town. The afternoon sun brightened my spirits a bit as I looked out over the calm Indian Ocean. I could see the harbour off to the east, not even two miles away. A few yachts and smaller dinghies cruised in and out of the harbour mouth, lending some grace to the scene of the otherwise totally chaotic waterfront.
I was jarred from my reverie by the bus conductor, avidly trying to pull my backpack from my shoulders. "Hey, dude! That's my carry-on!" I growled, yanking it back. The man stared at me like I was going to blow up the bus or something, before turning around and wordlessly kicking my unconscious friend into wakefulness.
Have you ever heard a South African, and more importantly, an Afrikaaner, go into a full tirade? You should, it's the sort of thing that instantly destroys all innocence, and leaves the person on the receiving end a shadow of their former selves. Here was my best friend for years, a calm and respectful chap (He watched MLP, what more can I say), growling in a number of languages and tones, sounding like paranoid drunk with multiple personality syndrome. Hell, I didn't even understand what he said and I was terrified. The conductor huffed and ah-d for a second, before pointing at the pile of luggage and then at the rapidly filling cargo compartment of our bus.
I took this as a convenient time to interrupt. "Ah, Andrew, help me load the gear before we get left behind, again, yeh?"
He looked at me groggily, still fighting off the effects of his afternoon nap. He shook his head and wiped his eyes, then grabbed a suitcase and began dragging it over to the bus. It took a second for me to realize, but when I did, I quickly halted my companion. "Mate, I meant we need to load our luggage."
Andrew blinked a little stupidly, then looked back to see a poor Xhosa girl desperately trying drag her suitcase away from the man who seemed intent on taking it. He quickly dropped the bag. "Oh, I'm so sorry! lemme put it back for you..." Noticing her blank look, he realized that she couldn't understand him.
No problem for a guy that speaks four languages. I listened to their exchange as I towed my large suitcase to the bus, where it was loaded by a pair of burly workers. Andrew was getting quite a lashing now that he had shown himself able to speak the native language. Even after he had replaced the bag and was loading his own, the girl was still shouting over the gathering crowd. He just ignored it, somehow used to it after years of exposure the eclectic culture of this oddly amazing country.
'Amazing' doesn't exactly apply to the public transport system, though. Our large Greyhound sixty-seater bus wasn't even soundproofed. When the doors closed behind us on boarding, the girl, still intent on verbal murder, was quite audible. We found our seats about three quarters of the way down the bus on the left hand side. Andrew got the window, and I sat next to him, sandwiched in by a large African gentleman dressed primly, ready for a meeting no doubt. He turned to me and said in a friendly tone. "Moloweni! Igama lam ngu-Thomas-"
I held out a hand and cut him off before the usual awkward moment between his greeting and my confusion. "Hiya. Sorry there, but I don't speak...that language."
To my surprise, he gave me a relieved smile, and answered in a thick accent, "Ah, this is good. It is not my home-tongue either. I am born to Swahili, but...I heard you speaking to the girl outside, and I thought it wise to practice while I am here."
I tried to follow him, smiling all the while. He said each word separately, leaving a small gap between each exaggerated enunciation. The sound of the bus's loud engine didn't help as we pulled out onto our roadtrip. Andrew, of course, was more than up to the task. "Aye, that was me, not this douche. He ain't from this country." His smirk was only just tolerable.
Soon they were embroiled in a conversation that used all the languages the pair had at their disposal (Even German). I heard mention of Mali, but that word could mean any of the dozen things on this continent. I sighed and pulled out my only solution: My phone. A few taps and I had a running translation to the conversation, at least the one in Xhosa. When the damn thing translated their words to 'I dissected the underhand slime balloon', though, I realized I was still way out of my depth.
Instead, I put on my earphones and buried myself in mind-numbing music, giving my brain something to focus on other than my inability to communicate. I surfaced from my self-induced torpor, rather unhappily, a while later once Andrew started poking me in the ribs. I pulled off one earphone and glared at him in mock anger. He saw right through it though and pointed to the backpack at my feet. I knew what the bugger wanted. Eeyup.
I pulled from the depths of the bag, my amazing device: a laptop. Not uncommon to people who don't live on large cattle farms three hours from any major town. Andrew grinned. I passed my small bundle of media over to him for his entertainment, plus a flashdrive he had asked me to keep for him. He hadn't moved even as far as SD cards, and here was I, feeling ever so superior in my use of the cloud. I flicked through a few links on my phone meanwhile and tried to watch a live stream from home when I found a problem. It took me a few minutes, but I realized that there probably wasn't a place on this side of the country with mobile speeds fast enough for and video quality at all, let alone what I was trying to watch, and I was left with that small empty feeling of being too far away from WiFi.
Andrew was perfectly fine, though. He was lucky he was rural. I sighed, bored, and leaned over to see what he was watching so intensely. There he sat, wrapped in headphones, staring at the screen, as small cartoon ponies bounced around on the screen. I sighed again, looking away, right into the curious eyes of the man next to me. Damn.
"I see your friend is taken with your computer. What is it to have gotten him so?" Thomas asked kindly, just trying to be friendly. I thought for a second.
When it came to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (I still can't say that all out loud), it had actually been Andrew who introduced me to it. Well...There was that time when a girlfriend had tried to get me to watch it...Anyway, Andrew had given me two seasons, and a bunch of other stuff. After that, I had gone home again. Now that I was back, Things were different. I had season three and triple the amount of fan stuff, that being the reason Andrew was currently buried in in my laptop. And I wrote about it too, a few of my meagre stories floating around the web. And yet, he was still far more comfortable with admitting that he liked the show than I ever would be. And here I was talking a gentleman way to old to have even heard of the fandom.
I resorted to plan B. "Oh, nothin' much..." Proceed to stare out of window like dumbass.
I couldn't help but look down at my laptop over Andrew's hunched shoulder. He was reading something...Wait..."Dude! Get out of my fanfiction! NOW!"
Andrew laughed and twisted away from me, which unfortunately unplugged the headphones, allowing whatever he had been listening to to reroute through the measly, but somehow massively loud speakers of my laptop. 'Smile, Smile, Smile'.
No.
"Okay, listen mate, you can watch videos, go through my music...Hell, you can even look at the stuff on the flashdrive on the bus, but you will NOT read my fanfiction! It's embarrassing enough as is!" I reached over and mashed the mute button, before returning to steely silence, staring at the seat in front of me.
Andrew cackled with delight. "Oh. man! You should have seen your face! What's up? You'll write MLP fanfiction for the world to see, but you won't let your best friend read it? Hey..." He turned and stared at me unnervingly, "Why so serious?"
The reference was not lost to me. In fact, we had had entire conversations purely using media references and memes dozens of times over. Still, not like I was going to answer.
All of a sudden, a voice called out from across the isle. "So...MLP, huh?"
I groaned. More than ever I just wanted to see the skyline of the Mother City. I heard a small scuffle next to me, a whispered question, and then Thomas's answer. "Ah, of course, young one, it is no problem."
As Thomas stood and moved over, I wished for the first time that African cultures weren't so friendly. Then a new character sat down beside me, having swapped seats with my previous companion. "Hi...?"
I looked over at her. And then did't want to look down. I gave my best winning smile at the young woman who just sat next to me. "Hiya yourself." I reached over a hand. "Marc Pyrefell, pleased to meetcha."
She looked at me dubiously (Can't blame her) and replied, shaking my hand, "Sure thing, Sarah Stein. I heard MLP mentioned, figured I'd join the group."
I nodded understandingly. "Makes sense. I'm just trying to teach my friend a little shame. He's been digging into his priveleges at a helluva rate."
She chuckled. "I heard. I also heard you write? That's cool, I really enjoy fanfiction. FimFiction I take it?"
She was a little close the mark there, and truly this wasn't something I wanted to get into. Unfortunately Andrew didn't intend on letting me get off lightly. "Sarah, just type in Quicksear and you'll get quite a few things popping up, right, mate?"
I punched him, then turned and completed a now terse introduction. "This is Andrew...uh Andrei Werner. I guess he's kinda meant to be my guide around here. We've been friends ever since I first visited South Africa, and I meet him every time we're in the same country, wherever that happens to be."
Sarah was about to say something, but Andrew interrupted, waving his arms about as much as he could, "Yeah, right, guide my arse. Two days ago you rock up at my door with two bus tickets and and map, and call me off on some adventure. I thought you were still in Saudi Arabia, and now I'm on a bus headed to Cape Town?!"
Sarah laughed again at his expressionism, before getting her chance to speak. "Seriously? That's how you plan? Anyway, I don't need to search for 'Quicksear'. I've already read your stories. Not bad. Allow to introduce myself. 'terrorweaver87', at your service."
I grinned. I had argued countless times with this shadowy figure, over comments and views and whatnot, and now here she was, laughing at me, waiting for a response. Terrorweaver87 was a slim young brunette?! No way...
"Ahah..hm, right. I'll just call you Terry. How about we ignore Quicksear for the duration of this trip. My laptop only has five hours of battery left, and we're stuck on this bus for at least sixteen, so how about some idle conversation? Let's hear more about my comment-nemesis, shall we?"
As it turned out, Sarah was an international like myself, making a chance meeting like this even more surprising. She was going to visit friends in...you guessed it...Cape Town and was then going back home to Cardiff for the summer, ie. winter in South Africa. Lots of families did that, living six months a year in South Africa for the weather. I had spent two years doing that myself. Now we were on a bus together for the whole night, and our conversation drifted back to our mutual interests. By the time MLP popped back up, the sun was going down and we were nearing the city of Port Elizabeth.
Andrew and Sarah were talking about various pieces of fanart. Although I was more than familiar with them, I feigned ignorance. I had a strange feeling in my head, like I had dropped a thousand feet and wasn't used to the air pressure. I shook my head once or twice, swallowed, even took off my earphones, but the pressure remained. I started trying to focus on other things, like the (very copious) sounds on the moving bus. I heard the engine, people talking, a movie playing on the screen we couldn't see, and...Squeaking?
I looked around, trying to find the annoying squeak. I looked at the window. Nope. The seats around me? Nope. I couldn't quite get a latch on it. Then the bus hit a smooth piece of tar (Rare on the east coast of South Africa), and the squeak came to clarity. It was Sarah's kitbag. I stared at the offending bag on her lap. She had been oddly protective of it so far. Must be because of that noise.
The talking stopped dead. Sarah looked at me with a tinge of fear. She rapped the bag quickly, and the noise ended. Andrew leaned over, also having heard the sound. "Hey, you got mice in there or something? You shouldn't really keep them in a kitbag-"
"Shush!" She hissed, then looked around as if a I'd pointed out a snake. "Listen guys, I'll level with you. This bag is all I've got, and..." The change in her was instant. Gone was the cheery woman I had been listening to for the past three hours, replaced by a terrified looking girl, clinging to her bag. "Okay...Okay, yeah, I'm sitting here cause you guys watch My Little Pony. Now, in this bag...I have...Whatever, just look inside and and BE QUIET!"
I was more than taken aback. No more civility then. "What? drugs? Stolen goods?" She shoved the bag at me, and I realized she wasn't able to answer. I looked to Andrew; he usually handled odd occurrences like this. He just looked blank.
Okay, so it was all on me. Great. I looked at the bag. I steeled myself, wondering why I was so nervous. The pressure in my head seemed to increase, but that was surely nerves. I pulled at the zip, opening the bag.
Inside was a bit of an odd sight. It was nothing but a but a few MLP figurines, each no more than three inches long, wrapped in a bunch of what looked brightly coloured clothes and scarves. I laughed. "Haha, nice one, you actually had me going there for a bit! So you've got - huph!"
I doubled over the bag, the pressure in my head doubled. It felt like me head was being exploded from the inside out.
Suddenly, it vanished completely, leaving me gasping and tearing up. Then I heard a voice. Well, it wasn't really a voice, it was more like and impression of feelings, showing me concepts that my brain couldn't process without turning into thoughts that weren't my own. And even then, I felt woozy just from trying to comprehend exactly what was happening.
"Hello"
A greeting. I looked into the bag on my lap. I didn't respond to Andrew's attempts to get my attention, I could only stare as one of the small figures in the bag, purple, with a horn atop its head and a gold chain about it's middle, wriggled itself out from the fabric, spread it's wings and looked straight at me with eyes glowing like the sun.
This can't be happening...
"Hello...?" There it was again. I don't know how to explain it: it wasn't words that came to me, but, I heard them. Like my brain was translating for me, trying to save my sanity by giving something familiar to answer to...
"That is exactly what is happening"
I was so confused. I didn't know what was in my head, but I didn't like it.
"I know this is scary, but I - we mean you no harm."
That sounded so corny.
I felt amusement, and I saw the small figure before me shaking a little. giggling through a smile as false as linoleum. "Yes, yes it was. But it worked, right? You aren't going crush us or eat us?"
I was more than a little repulsed by the suggestion, the concept not fitting well with me at all. No way, who could do that...? My brain froze up after that, before the next thought jumped unbidden to my mind. What the hell ARE you?
"I am a... The small being seemed uncertain of how to proceed, but she (Um, how did I know that?) came to a conclusion, that being to let my mind draw it's own: "I am a 'pony'
I could feel her dissatisfaction at that translation, and I knew why. 'Pony' did her no justice. Ponies don't have wings and horns. They aren't purple, or telepathic, and their eyes don't glow. They don't wear jewelry, and they definitely aren't smart.
Then why did I feel totally daunted by the consciousness I was being exposed to?
Ponies aren't like this in real life, not even on TV...Fuck.
My Little Bloody Pony.
I was talking to Twilight Sparkle.
"Yes" At least she seemed satisfied with he name I pegged to her. I wanted to move. To lean back and shout, make a noise to bring myself back to reality, but it was being impressed upon me, the urgent need not to do so. I breathed for a second, calming myself, before I thought emphatically: No movement, I am still
The light of the sun that was boring into my soul slowly faded from her eyes. Twilight's eyes. I had just lost a staring match with a three inch magical cartoon character. I wasn't even drunk.
I threw my eyes around the inside of the bag, noting the other figures squirming through the fabric. there were six all together. Go figure. I didn't need any more information, I knew what I didn't want to know. Twilight was still looking up at me. I could see an uncertain grimace playing in those eyes. I nodded slowly, and she nodded back, I glimpsed one or two other small faces turning up to me, but I ignored them. I sat up, calmly, feeling a small but very threatening pressure in the back of my mind. A warning. I zipped the bag back up slowly, realizing I was effectively a hostage. I turned and looked at the scared face of Sarah, watching me. She swallowed, then said, "Terrifying, isn't it?"
I was about to respond when Andrew poked me again, this time enough to hurt. I spun to him, not realizing that he hadn't just experienced the same world shattering ordeal I had. "Dude, dafuq?! You spend five minutes staring into a girl's kitbag and completely zone out? What the hell?"
He was implying a joke, I know, but the uncertainty in his voice removed any trace of it. I wondered if I should just give him the bag, make him feel what I had felt. Hell, he'd probably love it, the psycho. But no, not yet. All I knew was that this was a secret. Now that my mind was more or less free of invading energies, I tried to think clearly, laying out the situation to myself.
Sitting on an national bus, part of a service known for it's unreliability, bound for a foreign city, and a girl gives me a bag full of mind altering creatures willing to knock me out any second should I freak out as I so really, really wanted to. I shook my head to clear the hazy feeling washing over me. It felt like I had just been given a shot of morphine; I was numb, and ever so slightly woozy. I looked at Andrew, who was now muttering a stream of foreign curses and trying to get my attention. He looked at Sarah and said something. I was vaguely aware of hearing her sob, and then my senses swung into perfect precision as I stared at Andrew snapping his fingers in my face.
I shook him off. "Okay, I'm okay, just lemme go for a minute." I looked at the kitbag, now aware that it held all the capability to kill me.
"Man, what is in that bag?" Andrew looked nervous.
I felt my vision swim again, and felt a prompt. I grabbed the edges of the bag and swung it over to Sarah's lap, where she huddled it close to her chest, as if to protect it.
I didn't feel particularly awake at that point, but that could be forgiven. "Andrew, that bag is going to blow your mind. Sarah, what the hell are they doing in your rucksack?"
She seemed to calm down, feeling better now that she wasn't the sole bearer of responsibility for our six little visitors. "They told me that they appeared due to some spell mishap, I don't know, but I can tell you this: If we don't get them somewhere private within the next twenty-four hours, we are going to have serious trouble-"
"You are, you mean." I interrupted. "You expect us to take them, now?"
She looked at me in shock. And I knew why. It was inconceivable to think of leaving them in that bag, being carted around by this girl. She was right. I sighed and looked at the bag, addressing it. "Sorry, I'm a little scared here. Okay, Andrew and I are staying in an apartment overlooking the waterfront in Cape Town. It's pretty big, and we were going to be alone. That's as good a place as any."
I felt Andrew tug on my shoulder. "What hell are you talking about? C'mon, mate, level with me, please!"
I suddenly whipped my head around, realizing that if he could hear us, others might be able to as well. It wasn't even night time, most people were still awake. The fact we were in a crowded bus, though, didn't seem to matter. I couldn't hear any other voices. I realized, with some shock, that Twilight must be blocking out the sound.
With that in mind, I turned to Andrew. "Mate, you'll have to ask Sarah, but I'm telling you, it's nothing like anything you've ever seen, or probably ever will again." I looked at Sarah expectantly. "If you want to use our apartment, you'd probably want to show him why our holiday just took an about-face."
Sarah looked at the bag for a second, then nodded. "You're right, and thank you. For them." She slowly pushed the bag across my lap into Andrew's waiting hands. He looked at it curiously, still wondering what to make of it, when he gave a sudden snort and shook his head, as if trying to rid himself of a fly. Then he opened the bag with on quick movement-
-and locked. To anyone else who might see him, it looked as if he was staring at a phone screen, the slight ambient light flickering across his paralyzed features. He sat like this for a good two minutes, not even blinking, eyes wide with shock.
I sat back and grimly enjoyed the scene, even wondering if I should take a picture, but decided against sudden movements. I looked at Sarah, questioning, "Did it hurt? When Twilight did that mind control thing?"
She shook her head, relief flowing into her features. "No, but I couldn't move or speak, even think, until Twilight 'scanned' me. They were full size, too, though. They're much more...well, more, than you see now."
"Wait, they get bigger?" I frowned as I digested this piece of news. "How much bigger?"
Sarah's reply has cut off as Andrew suddenly collapsed forward over the bag, out cold. I grabbed his shoulder before he knocked the bag off his lap. As I pulled Andrew back up, I looked into the bag on impulse. Twilight's tiny head popped over the edge and smiled sheepishly. "He reacted badly. I'm sorry, but I put him under for a while. I know this is quite frightening, it;s scary for us too, but we just want to get home. What Sarah says is true, though, we need to get somewhere where we can return to our normal shapes. I cannot hold our forms to this size forever."
I nodded to her, trying to remain patient and calm with the miniature pony who had just knocked my friend out. I said out loud, "I suppose I understand. Now please, I need to think about this. Hold your forms til we get to our place, then we will talk again. Oh, and wake my friend up in the morning only. rather keep him out now that you've already done it. We're going to try and get rest, I suggest the same for you all."
She merely nodded and ducked back into the kitbag. I pulled over to me and zipped it back up. The sounds of the bus filtered back into my awareness as Twilight stopped muffling it, and I leaned back into my seat , trying to lose myself in the sound. I reached up and replaced my earphones, about to close my eyes and lose myself in music, when I felt a pressure on my shoulder. I looked down and saw Sarah leaning against me, closing her eyes. She looked so tired, and I realized how much stress she must have been under.
Another sign of movement caught my eye, and glanced at Thomas waving an over-emphatic thumbs up to me from across the isle, grinning like an imp. I smiled back, too tired myself to put any effort into it.
The man was four feet away and had missed the entire reveal of an almost cataclysmic truth.
I woke up a few times during the night, at each stop along the way. Our bus spent nearly an hour in Knysna, the small and enchanting town hidden behind the veils of midnight. Other stops went by in short order, most of which I couldn't have been bothered to pay attention to. I was still replaying the events of yesterday over in my mind, not at all sure how I should be reacting. I meet a girl on a bus; she gives me a bag full of miniature pastel ponies, one of which subtly threatens to kill me by invading mind before knocking out my best friend. The girl has been asleep on my shoulder for about twelve hours flat and that damn bag is beginning to squirm again. By rights I should be freaking out and running away, but instead all I felt was a slow simmering anger. They didn't know what they were interrupting for me. Actually, none of them knew why this journey was so important.
I stared out of the window at the sea as the sun rose behind us, cutting through the mist. I couldn't see ahead of us at all, but I heard another passenger call out that they could see the mountain. At least that was something to smile about. The only mountain anywhere ahead of us was our destination. My small happiness was quickly shattered, however. A pressure, that certain pressure in my head, woke me up completely from my tenuous half doze. I shot a glance at the kitbag wrapped in Sarah's arms, and noticed that she was moving too. I looked down to where she still lay against me, into her emerald eyes. Funny how I didn't notice those earlier. On the other hand, she did introduce me to aliens, so I could be forgiven. I smiled to her. "Morning, sleepy head. We're nearing Cape Town."
She looked about groggily, then noticed where she lying, fully half her body resting on my chest. She quickly squirmed away, looking pointedly at the bag as she answered, "Oh...Yeah, hi. Thanks."
I decided to forgive her that, and turned to Andrew. I whacked his chest with the back of my hand, figuring that Twilight must've released him by now. He jumped, a small protestation escaping him. Then he stared at me, eyes wide, trembling slightly. "Fuck...Mate, Twilight's in the bag...Twilight Sp-"
I quickly silenced him, explaining. "Yes, yes I know. And please keep it down, okay? We're nearly in Cape Town; you were out during the night. Twilight knocked you unconscious ‘cause you were about to go nuts. I have no doubt she will do it again now, and I'm not dragging you to the apartment. You can have a fan freakout there."
He nodded, turning slowly to face the seat in front of him, eyes blankly locking to the head rest before him. "Ponies...Shit..."
He never was one for many words, I guess. Instead of messing with Andrew like I kinda wanted to, I looked back at Sarah, who had regained her composure and looked surprisingly well considering what she had gone through. Which reminded me...
"Sarah, you are going to have to tell me how...this happened, tell me what we need to do now." I waited patiently for her answer.
She rolled her neck a bit, thinking about it. "Okay...um, you know what I said about living here six months and all that?" I nodded, and she continued, "Well, my family owns a holiday house upcountry, in the mountains a bit north of Buffalo City. There's a big pine plantation right there, and I was walking to one of the waterfalls there when they appeared. Literally just appeared, in Twilight's case. She..knocked me over, did that mind trick and told me they needed help, and that was I going to give it. But I was going home the next day, flying for London with my parents. Twilight, though, she wouldn't let me leave. So I bought a ticket for Cape Town, and Twilight shrank them all down into this bag. A friend of mine was going to take me in. But I had nowhere to let Twilight break her spell. That's why I asked you...You seem to have a place sorted out, right?"
I heard her out, and realized how desperate all of us were at that point. Sarah just wanted to go home, but she had been made to run away from her parents. Twilight was keeping her friends safe in a world that I had to admit would probably be detrimental to them. And I...I now had a week to figure this out before it all went to hell. "Okay, Sarah, let me explain my situation to you. I have been lent an apartment by my uncle for one week. That's it. If we can't come up with something by Thursday, there could be trouble. I'll see if my dad can organize something for me if it comes to that. Now, for our...visitors." I looked at the bag, well aware that at least Twilight would understand me somehow. "We will be picked up by said uncle. He will drop us off at the apartment, and Andrew and I are going down to the waterfront to allow my very generous relative time to pack and set off.. Then we will return this afternoon, where we will discuss this in detail. Sarah, I know you have had a time and a half. Go to your friend, the one you spoke to. Relax for a bit, you still look spun out. Swing by the apartment at about three. Here's the address." I pulled out a scrap of paper from my backpack and scribbled down the address and directions in shorthand.
Sarah listened to my sorry plan, and nodded. She slowly slipped the kitbag down to her feet, leaning it safely against my own bag, and took the instructions. I don't know why I basically gave her a free chance to ditch the ponies on me and Andrew; I could see it was an opportunity she planned to take. She knew it, I knew it, and now, everypony in the bag knew too.
When we arrived at the bus terminal at the Victoria and Alfred Waterfront (Seriously, who names places like that?) I was happy to see a silver Audi parked outside under the shade of the parking lot. There stood my uncle, attempting to look resplendent in all his middle aged glory. To be fair, he could be given a lot of leeway considering how well-off he was, even compared to my dad’s side of the family. Whatever, I was getting free accommodation out of this little venture he was going on, and right now I had six reasons to be all the more thankful for his offer this week. Andrew still looked like a zombie. He nearly grabbed the wrong suitcase again, but thankfully I managed to stop him early this time, and directed him to his own. He looked at me, an almost pleading look in his eyes as he stood up holding the large case to his chest. "Mate, what're we gonna do...?"
I shook my head at him, then swung my backpack up to my shoulder. It felt heavy, but I was tired. I didn't dwell on it, rather focusing on grabbing my slightly smaller suitcase and carrying it as far from the bustling crowd surrounding the bus as I could. The conductor had waited ten minutes for people to collect their bags before simply dumping the lot out of the bus onto the ground. We were lucky to avoid the scramble. Sarah, on the other hand, had disappeared. Not a word said since our hasty plan. I wasn't surprised, but I was very disappointed. She had been nice. Under different circumstances...Well, at least I knew why my backpack was heavier.
"Hello, boys!" My uncle called out cheerily, in a way that made me want to remind him that we were out of school nearly a year already. I greeted back, nudging Andrew to do the same. We piled our stuff into the car before slumping ourselves into the comfortable leather seats, so much better than those of the bus, as we drove away from the busy terminal. I chatted with my uncle about life and the trip. Yes, I had just gotten back from Saudi. No, there weren't any new deals my dad hadn't told him about. Yes the bus was comfortable. No, we didn't meet anyone interesting...And other small lies, to keep him happy.
I didn't have much energy for climbing the stairway that led to what would be our base of operations. Lucky for me, we weren't even allowed in yet. My uncle dropped us at the gate to the parking lot of the block of apartments on the banks of the canal that backed the Waterfront, saying that he needed to clear the place first. I assumed that he meant something about security, or packing, or something like that. He threw me a keytag and a card with the apartment details before abruptly driving into the parking zone. To me, and even more so to Andrew, it was a grace, giving us some time before dealing with what we knew we'd have to face that evening. We left our luggage with a groundsman, except, for obvious reasons, my backpack, and set off towards the waterfront area
It wasn't even midday before we found ourselves, quite to our surprise, in a pub. I just sat there, staring out the door I don't entirely remember walking through, waiting for something to interrupt me. Andrew of course obliged. "Dude, seriously, tell me what's going on so I can stop feeling like my head is going to implode."
I sniggered at him. "What's up mate? You unhappy with having a bag full of cartoon characters holding you hostage?" He didn't laugh. He paled. I shook my head, deciding it was time to face this. "Okay, I'm sorry about that. Um, we are now in charge of caring for the Main Six. That's the easiest way to put it. I don't know why they are here, and we can't talk to them, only to Twilight ... Kinda. I plan on asking for a full explanation when we get to the apartment later, when they go back to normal size. Until then, I will drink. I suggest you do the same."
He nodded, but looked confused. "Okay, so is Sarah gonna bring the bag and the ponies around later, right?"
I shook my head sadly. "Mate, I highly doubt we will see Sarah again. As for the ponies, they're in my bag. Probably playing with my laptop or something."
There was a pause.
"Maybe we should get back to the apartment then, get the ponies out of the bag, an' all.” Andrew said slowly.
I nodded. "Aye, we should at that."
Another pause.
"Ah, fuck it." I swore. "Barman! Double vodka over here! And Brandy an' Coke!"
*****
Needless to say, by the time we did return to the apartment, myself and Andrew were much, much calmer. Thank you South African age limits, for being low. I stared up at the staggered tiers of balconies rising up out of the concrete banks of the canal we stood on, trying to remember if this was the right building or not, since we had started out earlier outside the parking lot, which was on the other side of the line of complexes. Only one way to find out. I stepped up the door and swiped my entrance tag over the pad in the wall. I heard the draw pins lock open, and then the door withdrew.
“Woah, snazzy”. I turned and looked questioningly at Andrew, who smiled goofily at the doorway. I couldn't help but grin at him. Growing up out on a farm had left him easy to impress. I didn't reply, but rather turned and walked though the hall to the elevator. I punched the button for what I hoped was the right floor, then boarded with Andrew.
To be fair, it only took us half an hour to find the right apartment. As I swiped the keytag over the doorpad again, it struck me that we hadn’t exactly been watching the time. When did Sarah say we needed to get back? Wait, had Sarah told me, or Twilight? Oh, right, the ponies in my backpack!
I shouldn't have had that last drink.
I looked at my watch, but didn't really read it. After all, if we were late, Twilight would've done that brain invasion thing, right? I suddenly realized that I was standing in the entrance to our apartment. I stepped in, closing the door behind a slightly bumbling Andrew, looking about in mild interest. The main door led straight into the main room of the place. In front of me, a pair of couches marked out the space to be called the lounge. the far wall was, in fact, not a wall at all, but a huge section of sliding glass doors overlooking the canal. To my right was a small table, to my left the kitchen area. On the other side of each was a door leading to the two bedrooms at either end of the apartment. I stepped up to the kitchen counter and foisted my bag onto it. I saw our luggage packed against the door of the right-hand bedroom. I saw Andrew land on one of the couches out of the corner of my eye, but decided to ignore him for the time being. Instead, I unzipped my bag, pulled out my laptop and, with movements made deft by endless repetition, flicked it open and connected it to the network. After that, I simply shoved my hand into the bag and pulled everything else out, disemboweling it. Out came a few plugs, a jacket, my spare phone (Rich international family, remember?) and my hat, which I had shoved in there.
Oh, and the ponies.
It was kind of ungracious of me, to be sure. Just as they had in Sarah’s bag, they had wrapped themselves up in the clothes in my bag. I noted that Twilight had pushed herself into the space inside my hat, giving herself some breathing room. The others were bundled in my jacket, which I may have pulled out across the counter a bit violently. That left five miniature ponies scattered across the table. I stepped back in surprise as the chorus of squeaks opened up in protest of my rough action.
Andrew jumped up and joined me in staring dumbly at the small creatures. Twilight rose regally out of my hat, spreading her wings as she stood on her hind legs, staring at me accusingly over the brim. “Was any of that necessary? Be careful-!”- Unfortunately for her, she put her forelegs against the inside of the hat, and the weight unbalanced it, tipping it over. Soon she found herself underneath it, in darkness. I swore I heard a scared ‘eep’ in there.
At least her mishap gave us time to inspect the rest of our visitors. Indeed, it was the entirety of the Main Six. I immediately saw Rainbow Dash, not just because of her insane colour scheme, but also because she was desperately buzzing her wings and jumping all over the counter and squeaking uproariously. She was the exception, though. The others all seemed a little dazed from their ordeal. I did feel bad about it, but seriously, this was hilarious. Rarity’s mane and tail looked like a pair of purple cotton balls attached the marshmallow of her body. Applejack was nosing around for something, but her balance betrayed her one too many times. And Pinkie Pie seemed to have gotten tangled in one my jacket’s draw cords. Wait...Fluttershy...Oh, there she is, zipped up in one the jacket’s pockets. It was a good hiding place, except that my pockets didn't usually shake in fright like that.
Twilight finally managed to get herself out from under my hat with a small blast of magic. She looked around for a while, taking in all the sights of the apartment, before her eyes locked onto me and Andrew. She darted over to her friends, placing herself between us and them. There she sat primly, glaring up at me. She seemed to be concentrating. Eventually, the expected pressure somewhere in my head started up, followed by that strange not-voice echoing through me; “Why did you do that?! And how did you hide your mind so well? I couldn't reach you earlier!”
Of course, thoughts don’t really have volume, but I could feel she was shouting at me. I decided to answer out loud, to avoid my thoughts jumbling up. As I was about to answer, I thought, Cool! All I have to do is get drunk and she can’t threaten me! Of course, I said something different; “I am sorry about that, I’m a little...Hm. Right, this answers your other question too. Andrew and I went and got some drinks, and now we are a little bit drunk. Nothing to worry about, we won’t get in your way. Actually,” I turned to Andrew, “Mate, how about seeing if there are some bottles of water in the fridge. Oh, and bring a bowl in case Twilight and her friends are thirsty too.”
Twilight looked dubiously at us, her eyes following Andrew as he felt his way around into the kitchen. Then she threw a flat gaze at me. “Your thoughts are both so jumbled I can’t make sense of them. Your words at least give them some structure, but really...I can’t believe you left us in that bag just so you could get drunk.”
Great. Twilight Sparkle looked down on our behaviour. I was getting the feeling she would do that a lot. I looked over the six tiny ponies on the counter, slowly turning the idea that they were here over in my mind for the umpteenth time. Twilight sat proudly, looking up at me. But the others were another story. Rainbow Dash eyed me warily from her new position behind Twilight, next to a grumpy-looking Applejack. Rarity seemed to be trying to get her mane under control, but eventually gave up and merely held it out of the way as she looked from Twilight, to me, to Andrew and back again. Pinkie stared out of the large sliding doors on the other side of the lounge, out at the bright lights on the Ferris wheel on the Waterfront. She noticed me looking at her though, and turned to me with a bright and utterly fake smile. Fluttershy at least had unzipped a section of her pocket to peak out of.
Rainbow Dash squeaked something at Twilight, who responded with a nod. Then she turned to me; “If we are safe here, can we go back to normal size? Being small is having some side effects. We will need food and water when we are done.”
A little terse, but I couldn't blame her. I took the bottle of water Andrew gave me over the counter and drank about half of it in one go as I thought about her requests. Then I put the bottle down and answered, “Uh, yeah. There should be food aplenty: My uncle left this place in readiness for us. We can eat at breakfast tomorrow, and if there isn't enough, we can order something. For now, though, Andrew and I are gonna unpack, then go to sleep. You guys can, uh...” I hadn't thought about this. New plan: “Andrew and I are going to sleep in the main room, and you six can have the guest room. There is a bathroom attached, so you don’t have to worry about privacy. The glass wall is tinted, so no own can see in. Same in here, and the main bedroom, so don’t worry about it.”
Twilight nodded, then: “The girls and I are going to need the night to grow again, so if you would take us over to our room?”
I grimaced a little, but I told Andrew to take care of them while I moved our luggage. My uncle would not be happy with me right now, sleeping in his room, but I wasn't sleeping on the couch. I saw Andrew make a sling with my jacket. Twilight hustled the others into it, and Andrew carried them into the guest room. By the time he came out, I had already dumped our suitcases in the main bedroom and was sitting in front of the TV. My best friend sat next to me, taking the glass I handed him without question. We sat there for what felt like an age, one thought running through both our minds:
Most people would have welcomed the bright and lucid beams of energy the friendly sun above Cape Town bestowed upon our company the next morning. The tall glass doors and wall of the bedroom had remained unshuttered the night before, allowing me to be bathed in warmth and light of the arriving day. I should have rejoiced in it, and been happy to be alive on such a day.
Instead, I rolled out straight and tried to ignore the weight of so many thoughts attempting to drive me into depression and pain. I ignored my headache admirably, only so as to attempt ignoring all the other, less self-imposed factors of my sensitive position. Instead of tackling the day with witty strength, I allowed myself to drift in between the realms of waking and dreams.
A minuscule moment (or perhaps an hour) later, I heard a rumbling loud enough to wake the hills coming from the foot of the bed. Great, Andrew was up to his old performances again. I swear, no nation has ever produces such loud nocturnal vocalizations as the Afrikaans peoples of Southern Africa. I groggily tore a pillow from my face and attempted rolling further from the grating sound, but failed, not because of my own frailty, but because of the weight pressing down upon my chest.
My eyes snapped open. I stared up into an enormously bright pair of magenta eyes under a halo of bright colours that filled my vision.
“<-Hi alien dude. Wake up, I’m hungry!->”
It was not anger that drove me next, but sheer and utter confusion.
“Gah!”, I exclaimed as I threw the offending weight from my body. Rainbow Dash fluttered her now full-sized wings ineffectually as she scribed a short arc through the room, calling out in surprise, “<-What the hay-!?->”. She landed quite gracefully on Andrew’s torso before, in a spluttering performance similar to mine, the poor guy leapt up from where he lay on the ground and catapulted the room invader through the air yet again.
Her grace did not survive a second flight. Rainbow Dash crashed awkwardly into the door head first, before sliding down to the floor to the sound of her own groans. But it did not end there. There was something surpassingly comical in watching someone else go through such a streak of bad luck. Which is why, when the door was hurriedly flung open, Twilight Sparkle charged into the room to see me gurgling in laughter while Andrew held himself wide-eyed against the far wall. It didn't take the surprisingly large alicorn long to follow our gazes to where Rainbow Dash lay sandwiched between the heavy door and the wall.
“<-Oh Celestia! Rainbow, are you okay...?->” Twilight’s voice dripped with a concern I understood more than her unfamiliar language as she stooped to help the dazed Rainbow Dash to her hooves. I was chuckling all the while, but as I shed the last remnants of my mirth, I made the same realization that Andrew must have made, because I soon found myself wearing the same expression as I inspected the two characters in the doorway.
To think that not even one day ago, these creatures were small enough to fit in my hand suddenly seemed inconceivable. But here they were, at what I could safely assume to be their full size. Both stood about shoulder high on all fours, but in the confines of the room, they seemed enormous. More than that, I immediately began to see distinct features that were hidden before by their miniature statures. Rainbow Dash was everything one would have expected from the descriptions I had read and sometimes written; Lithe, lean and muscular, but in the smooth way one would usually associate with a professional swimmer. Even in her hunched state, I could instantly see the legacy of a marathon lifestyle.
But it was the alicorn that drew my attention: perhaps it was the fact that by this time she was glaring daggers at me, or the fact that I knew she was about to invade my head yet again, or maybe it was just her rapid movements...No, it was her; whereas Rainbow Dash wore the marks of her years of work like badges to her athleticism and wore them well, Twilight was, in this instance, blank. She was in every way as lithe and powerful as the Pegasus she supported, but in a totally different – unnatural – way. As if she was sculpted not by worthy years of effort, by the hands of god...
Or the hooves of a goddess...
“What were you trying to do to her?!” I felt Twilight’s anger wash over me, exposing me yet again to her alien mind. She stormed up to the bed as I scrambled off the other side to stand against the glass with Andrew. Twilight reared up and slammed her forehooves into the soft mattress, forcing her question through our brains as she flared her wings.“Just tell me what were you going to do!”
Just as the pressure on my mind began to force the light out of my eyes, I heard another voice; “<-Come off it, Twi! I snuck in here on my own! I was just so hungry...->”
I didn't understand the words I heard spilling from Rainbow Dash’s mouth, but I thanked her silently all the same as the pressure lessened on my mind. I stood woozily and looked straight into Twilight's’ eyes, her perch on the edge of the bed putting us at the same level. I didn't try to hold her gaze, but instead ducked under her glare and slip all the way out of the room. What I didn't account for was the gathering of ponies at the door.
Within moments, I was surrounded by shapes, forms and colours. They all backed away from me, towards the kitchen directly opposite the bedroom, but I was immediately shoved forward by Andrew as he pushed his way out behind me, in an effort to escape the menacing lavender pony behind us. Andrew tripped, and found himself accidentally looming over the terrified Rarity. Luckily, Pinkie Pie bounced the frozen unicorn out of the way before headbutting Andrew square in the chest with squeak, realigning his balance.
He could have had it worse. He could've been me. In the moment that Andrew crashed into me, I found myself cannoning towards a very surprised looking hat. I mean Applejack...That moment will forever be a blur to me, I’m afraid, because immediately after that I found myself being bucked in the jaw before crashing down yet again in the middle of the lounge area. I take it that this was karma slapping me for laughing at Rainbow Dash earlier.
Actually, in hindsight, it was the best thing that could have happened. For one, I was not seriously injured, and neither was anyone/pony else. But it broke the mood, for as I regained cognitive function, I was surprised to see a field of concerned faces staring down at me, not the least of which belonged to Applejack herself. “<-Hey, there! Are ya okay? Is he okay ‘Shy?->”
I jumped a little I felt a gentle prod to my ribs. I pulled myself to my elbows and scrambled backwards until my head hit the couch. I saw Fluttershy giggle a little as she replied in their incomprehensible language, “<-I’m sure he’ll be okay...just don’t do that again, it was all quite...distressing...->”
“<-Hmph, well, tell that beanpole alien to not jump out at me like that!->” Applejack, seemingly secure in the knowledge that she had done no permanent harm, became aloof to me once again. I felt the ringing in my ears subside, but it was replaced immediately by a growling sound from directly above me.
I glanced upwards, straight into a pair of sky-blue eyes framed in shades of pink. Without thought, I leapt away from the offending figure, spinning to glare at the incredibly innocent face of Pinkie Pie as she stared at me curiously. “<-Hey, mister! I was just wondering if we could have something to eat, cuz we’re all really REALLY hungry after yesterday!->”
Her beaming inquiry fell uselessly upon my ears, but the growling sporadically making itself known from the depths of her stomach made things pretty clear. I consciously forced myself to relax; no one wearing that expression of expectant hope could mean me any harm.
I felt another unwelcome touch from the ring of ponies around me. I turned, slowly this time, to the next face. It was one I was far more familiar with, and far less soothing. Twilight’s stony features translated into a carefully measured thought, like slick ice over raging waters. “Pinkie is asking for food. I told you last night that we would need food this morning.”
I nodded and pointed at the fridge and grocery cupboard. “Uh huh. And I think I pointed those out.” I looked at Andrew, who wore a bemused expression, obviously not privy to this conversation. “Mate, we gotta feed ‘em. All of them. I think it’s time to crack out the industrial amounts of instant oats, we got a lot of feeding to do.”
To think that all that happened in less than ten minutes. I wove my way through the gathered ponies towards the kitchen and the safety of another human for company. Andrew was scrabbling around in the cupboard already, pulling out boxes of good old Jungle Oats, landing them under the beaming faces of the ponies gathered there. Considering the events of the morning, even the ponies couldn't help but chuckle.
So that was how one gets woken up by ponies. They scare you witless and then force you to make massive amounts of breakfast for them to shovel down in the after-effects of magical shape-shifting. The next hour and a half was, though, hilarious. As it turned out, they really were terrifyingly hungry. I have quite an appetite on good days, and I can manage eight sachets of instant oats. But even Rarity snarfed at least a dozen. Gracefully, of course. Pinkie Pie managed nearly an entire carton! Andrew and I broke out the spare kettle and every bowl in the place just to keep up with them. Twilight, though, didn't eat a bite.
“Hey, mate, do ya want a cup of coffee?” I was so caught up in observing these ponies chasing bowls around the counter with their noses that I missed Andrew’s question at first. I turned to him and saw that he had laid eight coffee cups across the counter. I looked at them blankly for a second, which was answer enough. “Uh, yeah mate, thanks. Though you should ask Twilight if she’ll allow you to feed stimulants like caffeine to her little ponies.”
Twilight’s head shot up from over by the balcony door, where she had been watching the world. Andrews face froze up for a second in silent communication. A few seconds passed, then the two parties turned away from each other, Twilight back to her narrow view over our world, and Andrew, with a confused shake of his head, replaced the coffee tin and pulled out a jar of hot chocolate.
I cast an eye over the group, taking a small glimpse of Twilight’s world just as she did of mine. Fluttershy had managed to eat her breakfast slowly and without mess, which I imagined she far too shy to even consider allowing. Rarity was much the same, though her poise slipped at times when her hunger overcame her sense of self. The other three, though, were another story. Applejack scooted around the counter still, licking out her bowl without even trying to hold it down, while Rainbow Dash even went so far as to put her bowls (Yes, plural) on the floor before chowing down heartily. And Pinkie, well, she just sat under the edge of the counter with her mouth open and I poured the porridge straight on in.
All this reminded me of something from earlier, something that my curiosity only thrust forward now that I was no longer was in imminent danger of a hoof to the head. Again...Right. I walked over to Twilight, and just asked out loud, knowing that the second she heard me, she would be scanning my thought processes in an effort to understand; “Twilight, I have a question to ask about earlier. Rainbow Dash sat square on my chest this morning, did you know that?”
Twilight glanced at me. “Yes, she told me what happened.”
“Hehe...” I chucked dryly, “I’m sorry about that, it was the weirdest way I think I've ever woken up. But that’s just the thing; she stood flat on my chest, and she weighed so little! She couldn't have weighed 40 pounds. Is this some backlash from the spell or what-?”
Twilight turned away before I could finish and sang out, “<-Applejack? Do me a favour and jump on this human for me.->”
I can’t say I understood until a heavy, warm mass collided with my back, knocking my clean over, into the glass in front of me. THAT was definitely not 40 pounds worth...
I turned and glared at Applejack, who simply shot me a mischievous grin. “You know, I wish we could understand each other, just so I could tell you how much I hate you right now...” My dagger glares had no effect on the earth pony. Instead, I turned back to Twilight, who wore smug look.
“Pegasus” Twilight stated.
I gave her my very best deadpan.
“Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are pegasi, of course they are lighter, they need to fly. Earth ponies are much heavier built, so of course weigh more. Unicorns sit in between.” She expanded.
“And what about you?” I asked, just to keep the conversation going, “Alicorns should be somewhere in the middle, too, right?”
Twilight just watched me as I regained a standing position. “I am whatever I choose to be.” She answered cryptically, before getting up and walking slowly over to where Andrew had finished making the hot chocolate.
Her attitude and moodiness was getting on my nerves. She was the only way I had to communicate with these ponies, creatures which, to be fair, should have been a pleasure to meet. A little bit of coldness after yesterday, sure, I could take that, but still ignoring me and treating me like a servant to her cause was seriously pissing me off.
And I let her know it. “Hey, Miss High and Mighty, I’m trying to talk to you here! Least you could do is listen to me now that you’re full of our food, in our place!”
Twilight spun to face me and threw her mind at mine. It sounds weird to describe it like that, but how else could one describe suddenly being surrounded by waves of searing emotion that one can’t understand? I had no idea what was happening for a second, the world being blanked out by a vast ethereal force pressing inwards from all angles, manifesting itself as a pressure attempting to collapse the mass of my very soul.
Wow, that got melodramatic...
But as soon as I found a way to conceptualize this agony without pain, it ended, and the abrupt freedom left me feeling as if I was floating. The euphoria of freedom was short-lived, as anger flooded me. I forced myself straight and glared at the damned pony in front of me.
Some markedly strange things suddenly found themselves in my perception. For one was the veritable wall of ponies in front of me, surrounded by small puddles of hot chocolate, some facing me in anger, others facing Twilight in confusion. Another was Andrew tearing his way over the kitchen counter with a loud exclamation and grim expression. Even more: Twilight’s bright-burning eyes, radiating a deep angst that stemmed from a source I knew was wholly apart from my words. But one thing stood out for me, above all this; the random babbling of small, almost melodious voices that didn’t seem half as alien now as they did before. I almost felt I could recognize their words...almost.
“<-Twilight, calm the hay down! What did he say? C’mon Twi, don’t leave us in the dark...->” Rainbow Dash’s voice may not have made sense, but I suddenly felt as if I recognized its tone: Pleading.
Applejack's tones cut the air alongside those of her friend’s; “<-That crazy alien, knew we shoulda kept a closer eye on ‘I'm! Wha’d he do, Twi...?->” Her voice was awash with anger that was complemented by her gnashing teeth, but not her confused eyes.
I heard Rarity, making soothing sounds while trying to bring Twilight back to herself. I heard Fluttershy making sounds I knew meant nothing in either language, other than fear, and Pinkie Pie shouting questions overhead, trying to bring a semblance of reason to a senseless situation even her comprehension could not fathom.
Andrew barreled off one of the couches to land dexterously beside me. “Mate, you good?” He questioned, grabbing my shoulder “You’re zoning again! C’mon, man, what is she sayin’?”
I rocked back and forth, listening to all the voices, before saying dazedly, “Mate, is it just me, or are those ponies speaking Welsh?”
Andrew stared at me blankly. “Welsh...?”
I didn't answer, for Twilight too had heard me, and I could feel her now all-too-familiar touch as she sucked the meaning of me words straight from my brain. Her eyes widened, but I was too lost within a train of thought that took me careering into a new epiphany.
The situation had once again suddenly morphed right under my nose. This morning, I woke up to a comic mad scramble that ended almost jovially, in chuckles for some. Not two hours later, we were all reasonably content with our breakfasts warming us through, enough for the ponies to trust us at an arm’s length. Hell, Pinkie had even let me feed her! Now, though, not even ten minutes after that happy moment, Twilight and I were glaring daggers as we tried to...
What were we trying to do?
All morning, I realized that all of the unique characters in this room had been experiencing the same chaotic scenes I had, but in a different way. In this, Andrew was my inspiration; He had been jumped on, brain-invaded, forced into breakfast duty, and now into taking sides in an argument he hadn't even heard half of. Through it all, he hadn't fought the series of events, but and moved through them. The other ponies, too, had shed the labours of their previous experience to live comfortably today. All except Twilight.
All except Twilight and me.
She was protecting her friends and I was fighting for control. Damn right, too, but I couldn’t get her to trust me when I was the cause of her nearest anxiety. Unfortunately, it looked like I realized all this too late. Twilight locked her jaw and lowered her head, pushing her friends aside like so many pieces of loose furniture. “<-Step back, girls, I need to show this human these arent ponies to mess with...->”
I heard her. Worse, I understood her, for her presence was surrounding my mind yet again. This wasn't the Twilight I had been led to expect, but I knew even thinking that was incredibly foolish. Cartoons and powerful extraterrestrial equines were bound to be different, after all.She was privy to this realization, but it did nothing to calm her. Luckily for me, I wasn't the only one trying to divert disaster.
It was Rarity who leapt forward, much to my surprise, followed by Fluttershy. They attempted to calm the raging Alicorn. I heard her almost musical voice, but the words were still meaningless: “<-Twilight dear, stop! All this noise is going to call endless attention! Whatever has gotten you so worked up, I’m sure we can help you...->”
Twilight elbowed her aside, nearly shouting, “No, girls, I created this mess, and I'm a Princess, I'm supposed to protect you! It’s my fault we’re all here to begin with... ->”
Fluttershy tried to give Twilight a soothing nuzzle, but just like Rarity, she was pushed aside, whimpering, “<-Twilight, we’re your friends...T-This whole thing was just an accident. Let’s just calm d-down and try to find a solution. Maybe if you would let us talk to the humans...->”
I didn't want her to stop talking; for half a second I thought her lyrical voice just might calm down Twilight, but I was wrong. Twilight’s eyes dimmed, but then she fortified herself with some conviction. “<- No. I-I brought you all here, and I let us be pawned off to these aliens...we just need to stay hidden for a while ‘til I can cast a counter-teleport and then we’ll be fine. You don’t need to be exposed to more of this chaotic world. I WILL protect you.->”
Rainbow Dash hopped in next, fluttering her wings agitatedly. ( I wondered when she’d stick her nose in...) “<-Stop keeping us in the dark, Twi, we can handle ourselves! We've seen a lot, but you keep blocking us out! Let us help you, too!->”
I didn’t know what was happening, but I sensed the redirection of Twilight’s anger, for I could see her mind now, just as she could see mine: she was dropping her guard.
I tried to take a step forward, but Twilight acted first. “<-You want to talk to him? You want to be to see what they can be like? Well, I've tried to keep you safe, but go for it, I’m tired of carrying this on my own! Now you can talk to him as much as you want!->”
I felt her last words rumble around my head, and froze. Twilight reared up over the ministrations of a panicked Fluttershy, and stomped down, lowered her horn yet again and loosing a blurry flash of magic into my eyes.
I can’t say that her zap felt all that zappy. It felt rather warm, actually, like dozens of butterflies were washing over my face and wafting my consciousness away. In the final moments that my ears were attached to my comprehension, I heard Applejack shouting “Whoa Nelly! What’d you do, Twi...?” but I failed to grasp the implications as I faded away.
My body could be someone else’s problem for a while, I had a lot to avoid thinking about...
Well, considering that my last conscious thought was about the little demons tickling my face, it makes sense that I associated them with the immense headache I felt when I finally woke up.
“Unnngh!” I announced to the world as loudly as I could, but my throat was filled with the invasive liquid currently being poured into my mouth. My eyes shot open as I jumped backwards in surprise. In my haste to avoid being drowned, I found myself yet again closely acquainted with the glass wall of my uncle’s apartment.
This glass must be bloody nuke-proof, I thought as I rubbed the back of my head. I tried to order my thoughts in an effort to explain to myself exactly why I had passed out this time. Luckily, my questions were answered by a gentle inquiry so soft it barely registered in my ringing ears; “<-Oh my…Are you okay, Mister Alien? Too much water?->”
I rolled away from the glass to my knees, trying to find some stability and stop my head from spinning; stop the motion first, then fix the pain. “<-Uh, yeah...just bring me a bucket of aspirin and a bottle of vodka to wash it down…->”
Yes, I was not exactly lucid at the time, but this seemed like a good solution: My headache – no, migraine – was exponentially worse than any hangover I’d ever had the dubious pleasure of remembering, and drowning it took precedence over the source of the sweet and melodious voice offering me comforting murmurs. I felt a hand clamp onto my hunched shoulder and begin hoisting me to my feet. I huffed once, and then threw myself upwards, hoping that Andrew would bear my weight as I surfaced from my unconsciousness. My eyes were swimming with swirling voids as I felt myself being leaned against the cold glass. I heard other words from a distance; “Mate, what the hell is going on with you?” I heard Andrew’s voice and latched onto the familiarity. His words were different from the first, lacking the trill and eloquency that voice had carried. Something wasn’t right here… “Twilight, what the actual FUCK did you do to Marc?! Why is he talking like that?”
“Andrew…” I groused, but my throat and mouth indeed did not feel right as it formed the words, “I’m fine, just let me wake up-“
I might have expected many reactions, but a slap through the face followed by a big and, well, feathery hug as I keeled over to the ground were verily not among them. It was also just what I needed to regain my composure. As the world oriented itself around me, I found myself staring at the ceiling, hearing a heated babble from the butter-yellow Pegasus whose wing I was currently wrapped in. “<-Hey! How dare you hit your own friend? He was just trying to recover from…->” – That was the disconcerting pause in which everything became clear to me – “<-Um, Twilight? What exactly did you do to him?->”
That was not bloody English. I was being held by Fluttershy as she spoke…and I understood her.
I shot up from the soft feathers into the air, shouting like a madman, straight into another furry, if less feathery, figure, this one being more than capable of arresting my leap. Applejack looked as confused as I felt, her, no, MY hat sitting a tilt crazy even for her as she held me up with a hoof on either shoulder. “<-Uh, you okay, there Sugarcube…?->”
“<-No.Nonono, do NOT call me that! You making sense makes no sense!->” I found myself standing on my own for the first time since waking. I surveyed the room quickly, looking for common sense to reassert itself. Seven faces stared at me in shock from various points about the room.
Andrew stepped towards me, a look of fear spreading across his square features. “Mate? Marc, please tell me you’re there…?”
I nodded vigorously to allay his suspicions, but it took far longer to reorganize my mind to make a response. For half a second, I thought with terror that Twilight had replaced my English with their infernal pony-language, but to my relief, the familiar words came out instinctually, “I’m good mate. Thanks for the wake-up call.” But I had a much more pressing comment to air; “<-Twilight bloody Sparkle! What the heck did you just do to me? Why am I speaking Welsh?->”
To be fair here, Twilight looked just as shocked as the rest of us at that point. Surprise bloomed across her suddenly eerily familiar features, quickly followed by realization and then remorse. If you feel like asking me where I got my sudden proficiency with reading alien-equine facial features, then you want the same answer I was hoping for. Unfortunately, but not unexpectedly, Twilight found something to question herself. “<-Why would you call Equestrian ‘Welsh’?->”
I rapidly searched through my knew inventory of words and meanings for any words strong enough to convey my anger. ‘You pile of goddess-forsaken, half baked, moonpie-covered, worm-ridden, horseapples’ didn't quite cover it. Luckily for me, some…pony else intervened.
“<-Twilight, cut it with the horseapples” (Yep, that seemed like the peak of their fowl language) “and tell me why this alien can suddenly talk to us?!->” Rainbow Dash awkwardly fluttered around in front of the Alicorn.
Under the glares of all assembled, Twilight dithered before settling on an answer. She tried to regain some of her previous haughty anger as she stated blandly. “<-You said you wanted to talk to him right? Well now you can: I gave Marc here an understanding of Equestrian.->”
I almost missed her excuse because Pinkie had suddenly decided to see how much of my vision she could block all at once while she studied my face, staring scarily into my eyes. I grabbed her shoulders and moved her aside for a second, eliciting an “eep” from the poor pony. “<-Later…->” I mumbled before putting my frazzled brain to Twilight’s declaration.
Everyone else seemed to breathe a sigh of relief at that, as if just shunting information into my brain was quite alright. Andrew even stepped forward and asked, “Well…maybe it would be useful if you did the same thing to…”
“Now hold on!” I shouted unnecessarily, “<I know that you can’t just put information into a brain: You erased something! What was it? Childhood memories? Schooling? Bits of my vocabulary…” I trailed off there, suddenly realizing something that was missing, “<-You knocked out all my Russian lessons, didn’t you? And my German…Hell, I can’t remember how to say hello in ANY languages aside from English and your Equestrian!->” I turned to Andrew and explained, “She knocked every other non-English word I knew and replaced it with pony-welsh, mate.”
Twilight once again looked a little cornered again, her friends looking at her in shock. I swear I heard Applejack growling. Rarity looked mildly confused as she asked, “<-So clarify for a friend, Twilight: Did you actually erase this…Marc’s memories and teach him Equestrian with that little tiff of yours?->”
Twilight dumbly nodded, shoulders dropping in defeat. Rarity shook her head in disapproval and clucked her tongue. Rainbow Dash stood on one of the couches (Probably the highest place she could climb on short notice) and tapped a hoof to her chin before proclaiming, “<-Twi, that was one really mean thing to do. Like, couldn't you just be a translator like I kept asking you yesterday?->”
I sighed and looked down. I pinched the bridge of my nose in an attempt to calm myself. “<-Okay, whatever. It’s not gonna do any good to argue about it now, is it? Twilight, I’m seriously pissed at you right now. You pull one more trick like this and I swear to all that is holy…Just don’t pull it again.->” I turned and looked forlornly out of the huge glass doors. The sun was barely at midday.
This had to have been one of the worst holidays I’d ever had. I sighed and lowered my still pounding head to the cool glass, letting it soothe the pain building constantly behind my eyes. I thought about everything I had planned to do while in this beautiful city: I did not want to spend all my time in this almost clinical apartment with a bunch of living animations, even less now that I could understand their mutterings behind me. I never did like crowded spaces, and right now, this space felt seriously overpopulated.
“<-So why do you keep saying we speak ‘Welsh’, exactly?->”
I banged my head a little too hard into the surface before me, tensing, before relenting. I turned to face the most singularly annoying being in my life at that point: Twilight had her head canted over at a curious angle, with large questioning eyes that seemed to be perfectly designed to be disarmingly cute. No wonder Celestia gives her bloody everything…
...?...?...?...
Now I had a question.
“<-I’ll answer yours if you answer mine?->” I asked reasonably.
She balked slightly, then nodded. Her animosity had disappeared instantly in her search for knowledge, a most curious fact, not solely because it was a sentiment I could grudgingly sympathize with. “<-Well, okay then. It’s like this: My grandmother came from a place called Wales – Just wait a minute Twilight, first things first – In Wales, they used to speak a language we know as Welsh. She used to speak it to me when I was really young. I always thought it sounded lyrical, you see, and she humoured me a lot. I noticed earlier that your language sounded strikingly similar, but now that I can speak it…->” I hoped that didn’t sound as bitter as it tasted to say, “<-I see differences, not the least of which is how you ponies seem to nearly sing whatever it is you’re saying, while even I can hear my flat accent.->” I gestured uselessly with my hands while trying to explain, only to stop completely when Pinkie Pie started to try and catch my waving limbs like a cat after a laser light.
Someone needed to get this pony some serious Ritalin.
Twilight looked down, deep in thought for a while, muttering to herself, “<-Now that is interesting…->” She looked up when I coughed politely, interrupting her reverie. She huffed before waving a hoof vaguely in a gesture I guessed meant for me to continue. “<-Okay then. Do you know about the TV show we have on this world about you guys?->”
That got her attention. Her head shot up, looking at me sharply. She shook her head with a violent jerk, a gesture that clearly meant less ‘Negative’ and more ‘Shut the fuck up’. Unfortunately, since I was speaking pony, she wasn’t the only one to hear me. Pinkie stopped inspecting my hands to look up at me. She took a deep breath, a question well formed in her eyes, before Rainbow Dash cannoned off her perch on the couch into the pink pony, sending her flying across the room. “<-You aliens know about my awesome flying skills?! Sweet!->” Rainbow Dash continued randomly celebrating in the most outlandishly ignorant way.
I dragged her back down to size without hesitation. “<-So far Dash, I have seen no flying skills whatsoever: It’s pretty clear you cannot fly.->”
I almost felt apologetic when her face dropped from radiant to stricken. Almost. She began to slink back up to her perch on the couch, muttering something about ‘being too cramped in here’ and ‘spell after-effects’ as I turned back to Pinkie. I pointed at the TV and said for all to hear: “<-That’s the TV. There is a show that we can watch on there in with you six are the main characters. I was just asking Twilight,->” I turned back to the lavender alicorn, “<-if she knew anything about it, and how much of it could possibly be true, if any. It’s weird for me to look at you guys and feel like I should already know your characters when I know that’s probably not the case->”
Fluttershy squeaked and dived violently. Rarity preened and cast about the room in the most outlandish fashion. Rainbow Dash perked her ears as her wings spread halfway, ready to show off, even though she actually couldn't. Applejack looked around nervously, coming to the logical conclusion that they were all being watched. Pinkie stared at the TV as if it were God. Twilight stared at me in a way that seriously made me wonder if either I or she or both of us would burst into flames at any given moment. All the ponies held their poses just long enough for me to appreciate them all, and then at once broke out into cacophonous questioning.
The massive chatter completely eluded my newly acquired grasp of their language. Twilight actually facehoofed, causing Andrew and I to grin in a slightly manic way, then reared up and brought her forehooves crashing into the expensive tiles of my uncles apartment, creating a loud and unnatural ringing noise that shut everypony up and brought a pained grimace to my face. Andrew however, found himself wrestling with Pinkie for control of the TV remote. “Can you calm her down and tell me what the hell is going on?!” He shouted, apparently unamused at being the only person out of sync.
Twilight threw another annoyed glance at Pinkie, and then the freakiest thing happened: Twilight...inhaled...but not through her mouth, but through her...Skin? Soul? I don’t know how to explain it, but I could feel Twilight get stronger as Pinkie Pie decidedly deflated.
Let’s just say that it was one of the most disturbing things I have ever witnessed. If I didn't know better, I’d say that Twilight Sparkle had just sucked the life force out of Pinkie Pie. I stared, slack-jawed and dry-mouthed, at a completely de-energized Pink pony. She seemed draped on her own bones, barely sitting up at all, and swaying absurdly before Andrew caught her.
“<-...Wha...appened...?->” she mumbled. Andrew and I both turned our ashen faces to the reserved alicorn, who ignored us, and her friends, who wore equally confused expressions.
Instead, she looked me in the eye and said. “<-Do you have a repository of information about this ‘show’ that I could go through? I need to research this matter before I can answer your question.->”
This may seem absurd to you right now, but trust me when I say that I understood, somehow, that behind those distant and frozen eyes, I saw the depths of remorse. Twilight was faking this 'stiff upper lip' thing. Now its not that I’m not deep or anything, I just knew. Maybe because my dad used to do the same thing, or something more ethereal, but I was certain. And that is why, when Andrew leapt up and swore explosively at Twilight, I pulled him back with a gentle word, “Mate, just look after Pinkie. I’ll handle her.”
He stared at me, like I had stabbed him in the back, but I pushed past that, secure in my conviction that I was missing a piece of the puzzle, one that would explain the disparity within these six creatures, and particularly Twilight, with whom I now shared a detestably irrevocable bond. With this in mind, I pulled out my phone and , after a few commands, waved it at my laptop, waking it from its slumber in its position on the kitchen counter.
I took the opportunity to show off the gadgets at my disposal: My laptop whirred slightly, and the TV came alive. A wireless keyboard and mouse blinked on the coffee table. The printer, scanner, and server computer buzzed in the background. It was an insanely complicated and annoying system, but it sure got Twilight’s attention.
I pointed at the TV and proclaimed, “<-There, you now have access to the near entirety of information gathered by humanity. Welcome to the Internet; I will be your guide...->”
Why do I have to be so dumb sometimes?
In any event, Twilight didn’t seem at all interested in what I had to say. Neither did anyone/pony else, actually. Andrew didn't give a damn about fancy electronics now that he had a charge to take care of, but that particular charge had not missed the new and exciting buzz and blink of the gaudy setup, and began twitching left to right just to catch a glimpse of the shiny buttons. Rarity, too, seemed overawed by the show of organization, but Rainbow Dash and Applejack both seemed sceptical. Of course. one of them was not about to allow her concerns go unheard: “<-So these flashing lights and that panel thing contain ALL of your country’s knowledge? Now that’s horseapples if I ever saw them!->” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, jumping at the TV for a closer inspection.
Applejack pulled the confrontationary Pegasus back from the screen with words of caution; “<-Now don’t you go breakin’ nothin’ Rainbow! Ah know that ‘e sounds crazier’n’rooster in a top hat, but we ain’t exactly in the know ‘ere, are we?->”
I smiled and nodded appreciatively to the orange mare before turning back to Twilight, who had traced the hub of the system quite correctly to my laptop. She looked intently at it for so long that I felt I needed to interrupt. “<-Hey, Twi...->”
“<-Is it connected to all this information right now?->” She popped.
I swear she was just waiting to cut me off like that...
“<-Yes, it is. Usually we use those things on the table down there to go through it...->”
“That won’t be necessary. I can follow the energy patterns and learn all the signatures given a few hours. I’ll get back to you in the morning. For now, would you mind feeding my friends? Some fruit would do them well, and...Pinkie will need a lot of easily digestible sugars, if you don’t mind.>” With that awkward final utterance, she continued with completely ignoring me.
I felt the rising anger of being treated like servant rise like bile in my throat, but kept it bottled this time around. Instead I decided to leave Twilight turn her head into a biological Google and take an inventory of our supplies. Considering we should be planning for five days, things looked grim.
Unless we could convince the ponies subsist of the freakishly large amount of bacon that we had in the fridge, but I figured that was a long shot...
Instead, I decided that a food order would not go amiss. A simple phonecall down to the lobby and I was assured that my rather large (And very vegan) order would be sent up within fifteen minutes.
This, though, was not a situation I had planned for. I looked around for a minute, and then said out to all the ponies, "<-I just ordered you all a meal, but I have to ask you to, uh, hide, so that no one sees you and freaks out the building any more than our noise already has.->"
They complied with almost no resistance, which actually seemed like a bit of an anticlimax to me, but I did hear Rarity muttering, "<-I cannot believe I am reduced to hiding like common urchin, really...->"
Of course I laughed, wouldn't you?
Rarity's glare was lost on me as I noticed a flaw in my plan. Fluttershy stood in the lounge, next to Andrew and over a still somewhat dazed Pinkie Pie. Fluttershy's gentle nuzzles brought Pinkie back to the waking word as Andrew lifted the weak pony in his arms with the practiced ease borne of hours of animal husbandry and carried her towards the spare room with the utmost delicacy, throwing an almost poisonous glare at Twilight, who didn't even notice as she levitated my laptop along with her to the room. Andrew shelved his misgivings and walked in behind her, and Fluttershy...nearly followed.
It just so happened that ponies can be rather jumpy. And since this was Fluttershy, the simple sound of the door bell going off may as well been a Czar Bomb. I must say that Fluttershy's 'eep', is entirely adorable, but it was lost on me when her body simply dropped into a catatonic state, leaving me with a full sized Fluttershy lying stiffly in the entrance to the apartment.
I reacted as only a sane man would. When I saw the lock begin to turn in the door, I spun and grabbed Fluttershy up from the floor and tossed her over the couch. I winced when she hit the ground with a soft 'thunph'. "Sorry" I mouthed as I turned and faced the room service guy with Cheshire cat grin. He nodded with a mild smile himself. "Here you are your orders, sir, I'll just bring them in for you."
I almost leapt forward. "No, no! Thank you! That's more than good enough..."
He chuckled, as he pushed the overly laden cart part me and right over to the couch. He threw a tremendous double take at the prone figure of a now clearly past-out Fluttershy. He looked at her figure for a long few seconds. In the corner of my eye, I saw Andrew standing at the ready, a candle-holder held ready for the lunge...
The busboy turned to me with a grin and said, "It's amazing how realistic they make these plushies nowadays isn't it, sir? Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. A package was outside your door as well, sir, I assumed it was yours, and put it on the bottom rack there. Good evening sir."
I heard him muttering something about 'crazy fruit and pony fetishes' as he left, but I couldn't help but let forth a blasting breath of relief. Andrew slumped out of his hiding place, chucking the light holder behind him. Ponies came tumbling out behind him, and they congregated around the stricken Fluttershy, nuzzling her into wakefulness. I staggered over to the cart and threw off the cover, calling out, "<-Hey, Applejack, look what I got you! Oranges!->" I tossed a fruit in her direction and watched her recoil in horror, only to watch an apple fall harmlessly at her hooves. With a nervous chuckle, she bent and picked up the fruit before tucking in. I turned to Rainbow Dash. "<-I didn't know what to order you, but I ordered some kiwis and freshly squeezed apple juice for you. It ain't cider, but I hope you enjoy.->" Rarity glanced at the cart as I pulled out a truly splendid salad thing I had been offered by Reception. She seemed to find it fancy enough, so I handed to her. The important thing was that there was enough produce here, ranging from carrots to strawberries to rocket and all manner of tropical fruits, to last the group at least two days. But the most important thing was yet to come: I called Andrew over and handed him a gigantic locally grown watermelon half.
"Give that to Pinkie, there's no faster way to absorb sugars than with this baby." I droned. Andrew nodded and carried the watermelon into the spare room. He beat a hasty retreat, followed by sounds I'd always thought heralded the end of all things, but at least I couldn't actually see the mess Pinkie was sure to be making right then. Twilight poked a head around the door to see what had happened, but before she could ask any questions: "<-Hey, Twi, check out my documents folder, my fanfiction is in there.->" Without a word, she withdrew to explore yet more of the virtual library I had given her. With all the ponies distracted from what could have been a near disaster, I finally allowed myself to collapse.
I fell into the small chair by the door and slumped down in thought. My eyes traced the room as my blank brain tried to recongeal from primordial goo into a usable organ. Andrew stood and looked out of the window wall with a sigh. “Oh, look, they've turned on the Waterfront Lights...” he noted dully.
I smiled at him reassuringly, because I didn't know what else to do. “Heya, mate, don’t worry too much. C’mon, we’ll grab a drink and head on outside where I can explain today...Heh, as much to me as to you!”
I grabbed two bottles from the fridge that looked alcoholic and strode over past the cart on my way to the master bedroom where Andrew had yanked open the glass doors, exposing the room to the cool evening breeze blowing off the Atlantic Ocean. On the way, I turned slightly and bent an arm onto the bottom rack of the food trolley, pulling out the brown paper-wrapped package the bus-boy had mentioned, figuring it must just be one of my uncle's mail-orders that he had forgotten to cancel. I loped through the master bedroom, looking behind me to make sure nopony had followed us outside before gently closing the door. I popped the caps off our bottles and sat down next to Andrew on the lawn chairs on the balcony, the package dropped next to me. Andrew looked at me expectantly. I chuckled nervously, “So, mate, what do ya think of the view? Pretty, uh, ‘snazzy’, huh?”
His growl must have been audible at least three floors down, “Mate, tell me what the hell happened in there today, and don’t just cut out the important stuff as usual.”
I almost defended myself from his jab, but, on second thought, I had to admit that I had been a bit negligent towards my best friend. We were supposed to rely on each other, but I had spent most of this experience fighting it all off on my own, especially today. But he was my friend: that meant I could rely on him too. With a sigh, I explained everything to my attentive audience of one.
But I couldn’t help but wonder if somepony in the apartment could stand to learn the same lesson I had.
It didn't take all that long, since apparently I had been passed out against the glass for a few hours, and that meant I had lost a good portion of the day. This didn't bug me a bit, though: I had a habit of passing out when blasted in the head you see, and quite frankly by now it just seemed like a way of avoiding the stress.
We lay across from one another, sipping our drinks, staring at the rising moon. It took all of ten minutes before my mind drifted off, and I found myself bored. My eyes locked onto the brown package next to me, and my fingers followed shortly after. A part of me stated that I shouldn't be digging through my uncle's dodgy post, but I also knew that with the wreck we'd made of his apartment, this wouldn't really change his reaction. Andrew craned over when he heard the tearing of paper and packing tape, only to join me in staring in absolute shock at the emerging item.
I had expected any number of things: laundry, a package from a girlfriend, a bomb, dirty money, proof that my uncle was part of the drug trade...All of these would have been less surprising than finding Sarah's tog bag on my lap once again.
"Oh shit, dude!" Andrew's concise exclamation cut through the calm night air, and pushed me into action. I pulled off the remnants of the paper (No stamps, so hand delivered) and unzipped it. Within was the same bundle of fabrics that had filled it before, plus a note. I reached into the bag to retrieve it, but paused. Andrew was so close he was practically in the bag himself at this point. "Well? Wha' does it say?"
I steeled myself, built my fortitude and...
Zipped the bag back up and tossed it through the open sliding door and under the bed. With and explosive sigh, I leaned back, staring at the visible stars with interest I had suddenly grown from nowhere. Andrew glared at me, nonplussed.
I tried to ignore him, but he just kept staring. I hate it when people star at me. So, to break the silence, I threw my drink up in the air in a salute. "A toast! To life being needlessly complicated!"
Andrew's only response was a slight chuckle as he gently clinked his bottle to mine and laid back in his seat. Whatever was to happen tomorrow, it would happen then, but tonight we were just two friends on holiday looking at the stars, ignoring what had and would happen, just for that moment of peace we had been allowed.
After all, never look a gift-horse in the mouth, right?
You know, waking up on holiday is something we all usually look forward to. The peacefulness, the lazy relaxation that we all get from waking up whenever we want, just to see the sun sluggishly rising through the sky as our worries fall away.
We certainly don’t want to be batted awake by an anxious looking Pegasus.
I felt a couple of whacks through my pillow fortress and jolted awake. I shot a look at Fluttershy, who stood on the edge of the bed, still holding the pillow, her weapon of choice, in her mouth. Noticing that I had woken, she spat it out and babbled, “<-Marc, you have to come with me and help my friends. I don’t know what is going on, but you need to apologize!->”
“Nnungh!” came a grunt from the foot of the bed. Andrew threw an arm up as if trying to claw his way out of a lava pit, and hauled his bleary visage over the edge of the bed to look at us in confusion. This being a sentiment I well understood, I glanced curiously at the Pegasus who was now looking rather bashful, and I heard her mumbled apology.
She seemed at a loss as to what to do now that she had my attention, so I took the initiative. “<-What’s going on, Fluttershy, why would I need to apologize? Did the fruit last night not go down well?->”
“<-Oh! No...Well, you do need to show us how the...bathroom works, and we need breakfast, but...No, no, Rainbow Dash! I think you upset her last night; she’s really depressed this morning.->”
Great, now I had to babysit a self-centred Pegasus with a wounded ego? Not gonna happen.
Fluttershy’s other concerns seemed far more pressing, so I rolled over to Andrew and explained what Fluttershy had been talking about. He nodded slowly as he woke up fully before commenting, “Well, I guess that sets up our morning. I’ll get to the food, I know where everything is. Besides, I really don’t want to have to explain how to use the bathroom.”
Fluttershy, uh, fluttered out of the room, her wings buzzing in agitation, as Andrew made to follow her. A small grunt from me, though, quickly got his attention. When he turned and saw me holding a certain navy blue kit bag, he wasted no time in gently closing the door. "Okay, are we gonna read that note now?"
I nodded, and unzipped the bag and shuffled around the weird lengths of fabric until the small note emerged from its burrow. I unfolded the small note, saying, "So lets see what Sarah has to say shall we...?"
"Well?" Andrew prompted.
"It's an address," I said, though it sounded like a question, "Its the address to someplace in Hout Bay. That's, like, on the other side of Table Mountain, isn't it?"
Under the address were a few simple words, which I read out loud: "'If you need any help, I owe it to you. Sarah'...Huh? I guess she sorted herself out and got a place. Well that's nice. Looks like she couldn't forget the 'charm' of ponies that quickly after all."
Andrew opened his mouth to speak, but the sound of shattering ceramic cut him off. With a wan smile, he said, "We should probably get out there. After all, Sarah isn't on our list of necessities right now."
I barely even grunted in response. Right, down to business. I threw the bag under the bed and found some fresh clothes before wandering out into the living room. Rainbow Dash was lying spread out on the couch against the far wall, staring blankly out over the canal, with its wheeling seagulls and diving cormorants, sighing every now and again. Sitting next to her was a distressed Fluttershy, muttering consolations while wringing her forehooves. Rarity too, looked a little down, but found a way to entertain herself by levitating a small apple before her. It seemed she was having a little difficulty, but maybe her magic just wasn't as good as it was in the show, since her talent was finding gemstones after all. Right? My attention was drawn then to Applejack, who stood in the kitchen, in front of the fridge, just about managing to pull the door open.
The pit fell out of my stomach as I dashed over and slammed the door shut. “<-Whoa, Applejack! There’s no need for you to be in there, Andrew is going to sort out breakfast for you guys shortly, just wait for him, okay?->” I gulped nervously as I thought about the many pounds of bacon and fillet steak my uncle had stocked for Andrew and myself. If there was anypony I wanted to keep from seeing that, it was Applejack. With all her farm animals, I imagined a violent reaction to my having their inter-dimensional relatives carved up in my fridge.
Applejack grumbled and stomped a hoof. “<-All’s Ah was lookin’ fer was a good hot cup a coffee!->”
“<-Well, Andrew will be more than willing to help you, I’m sure, but didn't Twilight say you guys shouldn't be having coffee? Or any stimulant...?->”
Applejack groused at me. “<-Well, Twi ain’t exactly been all too calm lately, has she? And it ain't like I’m askin’ fer salt or nothin’, just a coffee! Ah’m feelin’ so goddess-darned tired right about now, I jus’ need a boost...->”
I nodded understandingly. “<-Of course, it’s been stressful for all of us lately. But first, Fluttershy said you guys needed an explanation of the, uh, facilities in your suite.->”
Let’s just say the less said of that, the better. I explained to Applejack and Fluttershy (The others wouldn’t have been able to fit in the room anyway) how to operate a human toilet and shower, both of which were apparently vastly different to the designs the ponies were familiar with. I immediately saw the problem with the shower soaps. Ponies can’t squeeze bottles, and it was pretty clear that holding a bar of soap was out of the question, too. I ignored the physical impossibilities and, with the tour concluded, I walked out past the open spare bedroom door. I took a double-take when I saw Twilight’s face.
She was sitting on the bed, staring at my laptop’s screen with a pained expression, quickly turning to anger, to surprise, to shock and back again. I had a really bad feeling about what she was experiencing online. Instead of interrupting her, I dashed over to the lounge, tripping over Rainbow Dash’s tail as I went. After a mumbled apology which received no response, I turned the TV on and switched to the linked screen. What I saw there shocked me, but not in the way you might expect.
Code.
Lines and lines of endless code running hundreds of rows a second shot up the screen, scrolling into ever larger sets and patterns that I could never follow, even if I knew what to be looking for. The screen was split into four, each running through its own sequence that seemed to stretch on into infinity until it all blanked into ones and zeros. Twilight was reading binary.
Now that was just messed up. What was she, some Matrix operator?! I turned and walked around the two ponies in the lounge and burst into the spare room. Twilight looked up at me in surprise, getting her eyes into focus, then scowled when she recognized me. “<-You humans are truly disgusting, you know that?->”
“<-Yeah, yeah, humanity sucks, whatever,->” I interjected, “<- I saw what you were doing on the living room TV; What were you doing...-> MY LAPTOP!”
I stared down at my pride and joy. The screen flickered slightly, even though I could clearly see the battery lying a foot away. The buttons were mashed, some of them stuck deep inside the frame, emitting small pulses of light. It wasn't a backlit keyboard.
I could almost hear my patience snapping. “<-Twilight! Are you really this much of a mega-bitch? You broke my bloody laptop, and for what? You READ binary, you didn't even need it!->” I’m not a particularly imposing figure, sure, but after all the trouble Twilight had given me, I’m sure I was quite validated in getting in her face.
Twilight looked taken aback for a moment, then her eyes hardened. I felt her mind reaching for mine, but in my wroth I pushed it away, drawing a sharp breath from the alicorn. She stared at me intently as I stood over her, her head canting over into that curious expression she wore so well. Instead of answering me, her horn began to glow with a violet haze. I saw gauzy violet swirls congealing in the air around my computer into hard lines that dove into the device, levitating it and its components. I watched as the keys popped back into the correct alignment, the battery slide into place, and the screen began running with code before flickering to the start-up screen. Then it gently floated over to me, so that I could reach out and take it from the magical aura. Twilight nodded to me before speaking. “<-I am sorry about that, I realise it must have been distressing, but I have left it as you gave it to me. I needed its focused connection to set my leylines into the currents of information of your ‘internet’. The damage was unintentional and reversible, as you can see.->”
I logged in and looked at my pristine desktop. My eyes drew back up to Twilight, who sat waiting for me to speak. I obliged her; “<-Okay, sorry for the name-calling, and... thanks. Did you find enough information to answer my question from yesterday? How much do we know about you guys, if anything?->”
Twilight gave me a deadpan stare then, being reminded of what she had been searching through. “<-Hm...Yes, you humans seem to learnt a surprising amount of information, but to be honest, most of this drivel is useless misconception. You actually believe that we are the figment of some company’s imagination. It’s almost laughable. And this...’fanfiction’ you alerted me to: I cannot believe you would think we could be so depraved. Not to mention,->” Twilight continued “<- You have an extraordinarily poor understanding of pony anatomy.->”
I nearly choked on my tongue at that, hoping she hasn't referring to what I thought she was. She didn't give me time to respond before continuing,"And you...wow, really? THAT's what you think of us? That was disturbing on so many levels that I had to stop reading after a while." 'A while' probably being less than a second, but I didn't dwell on that "<-It wasn't that bad...->" I mumbled, but she forged ahead, “<-Of course, there are some credible details in the haystack. The TV show you mentioned has many of them, although its portrayals of me and my friends’ adventures are somewhat naive: the characterizations are a bit extreme, and I certainly do not act out THAT much...->” I barely contained a snort, earning a glare from Twilight, “<-I was interested to see that although the series of our exploits was even chronologically accurate, the background features and characters were terribly off, but I think I may have a theory.->”
I had slipped into thought as she spoke, but looked up expectantly at her last words. She too, looked deep in contemplation. Noticing my curiosity, she stated in an almost condescending tone, “<-Your world and ours share separate realities, you see. Yours sits in one pocket of the existential plane, and ours in another. There are theoretically infinite numbers of these realities, but we will never know. At this moment in time, our reality is...bumping into yours, shall I say? In fact, I think they may always have been close, considering a few similarities. Coincidence cannot account for these things. I thought that maybe it was magical radiation from our uses of the elements of harmony that gave your species knowledge of us, but although that explains your knowledge of the Element-bearers, it’s clear that the connection goes deeper than that.->”
My eyes widened in realization. “<- Wow...That means that, what? Our separate universes have been sharing information or something? Wait...->” I thought back to basic physics at school “<-Certain particles, or sub-particles, or something like that, are linked, even over infinite distance, and react to their counterparts’ movements. These particles are also drawn together over time, so maybe...maybe our ‘realities’ are borne from the same materials of existence? That explains why our realities are near each other, why parts of your existence leaked into the consciousness of our world, and maybe even why the members of the Friendship is Magic show production team came together to create it. Right?->”
Twilight gave me another deadpan stare, droning, “You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, but...Yeah. Let’s go with that.” Before jumping off the bed and brushing past me into the living area. As she bumped me, I felt another one of those weird epiphany things: This time I realized that I had actually come far closer to the mark than Twilight had expected, or considered comfortable.
Shaking off the sudden and unlooked-for realization, I almost followed Twi out, but something caught my eye: a spread of pink splayed over a blanket the other side of the bed that seemed to soak up the sunlight that Pinkie had been carefully placed in. I rounded the bed and bent down to her, worried. I patted the figure beneath the blanket, expecting to see Pinkie’s huge blue eyes under what I assumed was her mane. Instead, the silky hair disappeared under the blanket moments before I felt a distinctly pony-like tackle land around my shins.
With a yelp, I keeled over onto the bed. I realized that Pinkie I had in fact been looking at Pinkie’s tail, and that she was now firmly wrapped around my legs. “<-Thanks for that juicerific watermelon, Marcy! It made me feel so much better to have a full tummy after yesterday!->” Pinkie’s face turned to me and I saw her bright eyes, glowing smile and heard her cheerful tone. I also noticed her straight magenta hair and the slight tremor in her voice that betrayed her.
I rolled up and pulled Pinkie up onto the edge of the bed with me, wrapping an arm around her as I said, “<-Hey Pinks. I’m glad you enjoyed your supper. I have another one just outside for your breakfast, if you want it?->”
Pinkie instantly shook her head. “<-No, no! ...I mean, Could you bring it here for me? I’d rather just stay in the sun. ->”
“No, Pinkie,” I said calmly, slowly, “<-You need to move. You can come and cheer Rainbow up, I think I hurt her feelings last night. Do me a favour, please?->” When no response was forthcoming, I sighed, and asked, “<-Are you scared of Twilight?->”
Pinkie’s eyes widened as she shook her head muttering protestations, but I held onto her, and as her argument petered out, I found myself feeling moisture collecting in the sleeve of my shirt from her wet cheek. She stared out of the window, and in a barely audible whisper, said, “<-I don’t know...Twilight is one of my bestest friends, but...She’s been so mean lately. I don’t know if I like Princess Twilight Sparkle as much as my friend Twily...->”
Her words confused me slightly, but I felt a certainty in the back of my mind. It came from the realizations of the last few days: Twilight’s overbearing attitude, her controlling nature, her coldness. I knew, somewhere in my head, that Twilight was not as she seemed. And I felt that Pinkie needed to know that too; “<-Pinkie, I know Twilight is being scary right now – I’m scared of her too – But I truly think...No, I know that she has you and your friends’ best interests at heart. She just has a lot to deal with right now. She’s trying to protect you by taking it all on herself. I’m trying to help, but I need you to back me up. Can you do that for me Pinkie?->”
She looked at me for a moment, surprised as much as I was by little speech. “<-How do you know that, though?->” I shrugged, unsure, but she continued regardless, “<-Oh! Is it like my Pinkie Sense? Do you have a special sense, too?->”
I grinned down at her once-again beaming features. “<-Yeah, I do. We humans call it ‘intuition’, and it always seems to work out somehow.->”
Pinkie giggled at me, then suddenly bent down and conducted a rapid inspection of my hand with her snout before bouncing up and trotting through to the living room, her straight mane and tail waving out behind her.
I looked around the messy room for a moment before walking out, thinking, Confound these ponies, they trashed my room. With a chuckle at my own silly joke, I felt a plan forming in my mind. Twilight wouldn't approve, but I didn't plan on giving her a choice.
With a half-baked scheme to focus on, I walked purposefully to the room phone, and called reception, “Ah, yes, hello...Yes, I’d like to call for a room valet for tomorrow morning...Yes, apartment number 207...Thank you, yes we’ll be out. Thank you, goodbye.”
Proud of myself, I turned and faced the room, its occupants all staring at me as if I were the bearer of the apocalypse. Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Fluttershy stared at me from the lounge, Pinkie shot me an uncertain look, but wasn't willing to let her new smile drop. Andrew stood gawking at me as he held a steaming pot over the overflowing cup in Applejack’s hooves, she being too busy stammering to notice.
And then there was Twilight. That particular annoyed growling face was rapidly becoming a set feature of any interaction with the alicorn. “<-Did you just call people up to this room for tomorrow morning?->” She hissed softly.
I grinned, ever so proud of myself, “<-Why, yes, I did exactly that! A team will be up here to clean the apartment for us. They don’t expect us to be here when they arrive.->”
Twilight began twitching slightly. Her friends all backed away, aware as I was that something really bad was about to happen. But I was too high on my victory to stop. “<-Now, Twilight, no fireballs, that would be really hard to explain to the cleaners...->”
I saw a malevolent light sliding into her eyes and shut up. Her whisper betrayed more than anger, and all of a sudden I realized she was scared. “I need to cast the shrinking spell again...on six ponies...->”
I stopped fooling around and looked at her levelly. “<-No, you don’t. You need to trust me to do the right thing. You need to get outside, as do your friends. You’re all stressed out. I knew you wouldn't agree with me unless I gave you no choice. Well, here’s your options: Trust me and come with us, or waste energy on a bunch of transformation spells and still come with us. I think your choice is pretty clear.->”
Twilight glared at me, her stance rising to haughty poise. “<- Then what? What are you going to do to us? I can’t trust you if you are going to go behind my back like this!->”
I stepped right up t her and just about poked her in the chest. “<- And I wouldn't have to if you were listening to your heart, Twilight. You know what I think; you've dug around in my head. Andrew and I are protecting you, no matter what. That requires some level of trust, right? Don’t worry. It’s out of your hooves.->”
She seemed to cave in on herself mentally as I said those words, like the weight of a mountain was lifted from her and piled on all at the same time, but she stood stock-still, uncertain on how to react. I looked past her and beckoned Pinkie with a waving hand. She stepped over slowly, but when she saw the stricken look spreading across Twilight’s face, she reacted instinctively.
Twilight found herself wrapped in a tight hug as Pinkie soothed, “<-Don’t worry Twilight, Marc will help us! You’ll see, you picked a nice alien and you don’t have to worry so much now! You don’t have to be a Princess so much, and we can be friends again!->"
Twilight began swaying side to side, a small sob breaking through her crumbling shell. I stepped back and leaned against the counter next to my friend Andrew, watching as one by one, all five of Twilight's estranged friends gathered to comfort the teary alicorn. Applejack stood opposite Pinkie, nuzzling Twi’s neck, as Rarity joined her. Finally, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, wearing smiles of relief and happiness, spread their wings around the group hug, holding their friendship together.
I grinned at the heart-warmingly cute scene as I listened to the comforting cooing that slowly coaxed a smile onto Twilight’s lips. I felt a nudge form the other side of the counter, and turned misty eyes to Andrew, who shrugged questioningly at me, “Dude, what the hell just happened? Why is Twilight crying, and why in God’s name did you call for a room valet?”
“Mate,” I said, enjoying the first moment I’d had with these creatures that didn’t seem in the least bit threatening “All you need to do is rent us a bus for tomorrow morning. So long as it has tinted windows and you can drive it, I think we may just have a chance of pulling this off.”
“Pulling what off, exactly?”
I shushed him, “I’ll tell you later, mate...” Turning back to the group of ponies, I looked on as some bounce found its way into Pinkie’s mane once again.
You know, that afternoon was probably one of the happiest I’d felt in about six months.
The last time I felt this good was when I helped take the doors off Andrew’s Land Rover and we spent an entire day running speed trials up and down a rough runway with me hanging off the side of the wildly jumping vehicle as we careened towards certain pain.
The hospital bill was totally worth it.
But spending a day inside a small apartment basking in the overflow of pony hugs that seemed to fill the room was pretty close to the maximum happiness one could pack into a day. The thing is, though, that while at the time there had been no space to file a worry or complaint (Even when Pinkie Pie nearly crushed me in a sheer rib-cracker), now I had plenty of time to search out the truly agonizing facts of what could turn into a very messy situation:
It was Tuesday, and that meant we had three more days before my uncle got back from his ‘business proposition’ in…Latvia I think, and when he did, we had to be as far away as possible just to avoid the shock-wave of his anger exploding at the sight of the mess we’d made of his place. (Cracked tiles, smudged glass, broken plates and one hoof-marked couch, thanks to Rainbow Dash). Today’s mission was to allow the cleaners time to minimize the damage, and to let Andrew and I get the ponies out and about.
Yesterday, we had made real progress. Pinkie was at least half back to herself, Applejack had regained her energy (Thanks to eighteen cups of coffee), Rainbow Dash had smiled a few times and Rarity had managed a dramatic faint at the state of the jeans I had decided to wear after Pinkie covered my other pair in oats.
Twilight, though...She was the pony I was trying to get to. Its hard to explain, but she was the hingepin of my plan. I knew that I needed to get her to open up and stop bearing all the responsibility of this situation herself, because it was crippling not only her, but her friends, not to mention my attempts to get them home. After all, that’s what they really wanted. That’s what I wanted too.
Right?
I shook it off and rolled away from the window as I became aware of my surroundings, noticing a few things:
First, the time. The sun was barely tingeing the horizon, so it couldn't have been later than five in the morning.
Second the place. I was on the floor by the glass wall, allowing me a great view of the harbour area and the lack of sunlight above it.
Third, the person. I heard Andrew yawn like a rhinoceros and pull himself out of the bed, only to freeze as his sleep-filled eyes locked onto the purple Alicorn standing over me.
And that brings me to the Pony. Twilight stood over me, eyes lazily scanning the view out over Table Bay and the harbour.
I spent my few seconds of shock staring at her chin a few feet above me, before getting control of my faculties and plastering a painfully cheerful smile across my face. “<-Good morning to you, too Twilight->”
Her reaction was quite hilariously adorable: A small sharp breath, a demure stumble and an abashed smile to complete the package. “Oh! Good morning…I was wondering how to wake you…”
“A poke in the ribs woulda got ‘im awake.” Andrew droned.
I chuckled at her as well. “Yeah, it sure beats awkwardly standing over a guy in the early hours of the morning, you know; not the done thing.”
Twilight looked down, unsure of herself. This awkward side was something I was unfamiliar with, previously being hidden behind her insurmountable facade. “I know, I was just worrying about today. I’m still a little annoyed at all this.”
I nodded. Of course she was; I would be livid if someone japed me like I had her. “I know, but you’ll see. I have this awesome plan to go all over the place! This is a big city, with lots of things to see from the bus. I really wanted to do the city bus tour anyway.”
Twilight was, of course, not impressed. “Of course. It’s not like we might be seen getting on and off the bus at any of the landmarks. And what will this achieve, anyway?”
I looked up at her strangely, as if she should already know the answer…Which she should. “I don’t know, Twi, maybe you should tell us? And quite frankly, with how happy you guys were yesterday, I think it’s been pretty worthwhile already.”
Her previous bluster quickly disintegrated. If she thought I was going to let her build the walls around herself again that easily, she would have to think again. “About that: I do need to thank you-”
Don’t worry about it, Twi,” I cooed, “We get a little lost someti…”
“For helping Pinkie Pie, that is. She was really down, and she needed the support.”
“So you were perfectly fine, huh?” Andrew smirked. “You didn't need some support at all?”
“Andrew, you aren’t helping.” I growled, but it was too late. Twilight turned and walked for the door which opened with a violet shimmer. “<-Well, I hope you two do know what you’re doing. I won’t risk my friends’ lives, not now, not ever.-> I’ll see you two at breakfast.”
And she was gone. I shot up and glared at Andrew. “Dude! We were getting her to open up! Why go and say…stuff…” And then the penny dropped, “Wait, you were talking to her?! Like, with actual words, no brain-tampering?”
Andrew deadpanned at me. “You seriously didn't notice me talking until just then? Wow, dude. Wow.”
“Shut up, I just woke up to a pony room invasion for the third day in a row…” I grumbled, scratching through my bag for a new change of clothes. Wouldn't want Rarity losing consciousness again over my apparel, would I? As an afterthought, I grabbed Sarah's bag and slung it over my shoulder; I did need to inform Twilight of this. Hell, it might act as a trust-building exercise...or something.
Ten minutes later, I strolled out of the room to a very calm scene. Too calm to mean anything good. Five ponies stood around the kitchen counter talking in hushed tones, hypothesizing about what might happen during today’s outing, but they were obviously ignoring the elephant in the room. A purple elephant with wings and a horn, staring out of the window.
Twilight’s recalcitrance, I felt, was only understandable. Her actions during this whole episode had come into question, and although I didn't know the whole story, I knew that she must feel at least a little ashamed about it. Only, now that she realized her error, she also found herself unapproachable by those who could help her through it, and was as alone as she had made herself before. I resolved to help her through it, then, if that would help them in achieving their goal.
Leaving.
It was a bitter surprise to find myself suddenly less enthused by my plan to help them. I pushed past the selfish emotion, and turned to the kitchen. Applejack was once again staring forlornly at the kettle. From its off-canter position on its base, and the cup and jars spread next to it, it was safe to assume that the poor pony had tried making a cup herself. I quickly set up a few cups, and asked what the company would be having. A resounding call for coffee confused me, but I complied. I also set out cups for myself and Andrew, and one more, this one hot chocolate, for Twilight.
It didn't take two minutes for me to make and hand out the beverages. With a chorus of thank-you’s, the cups spread out to their respective owners. Rarity levitated two of the cups with ease, and zipped one across the room to Rainbow Dash, who seemed preoccupied with a stare down with her half-furled wings until the steaming cup of energy won her attention.
Fluttershy demurely sniffed at her hot cup while Applejack grinned fiendishly at her own like an old accomplice, and Pinkie seemed far more interested in what Andrew was doing talking into the palm of his own hand.
“Yeah, I’ll be there to pick it up in about half an hour. Thank you again, for renting it to us on such short notice...Yes, I’ll return it without the modifications...Thank you again, goodbye,” He snapped his phone shut with a flourish and glugged his coffee in one long mouthful before turning to me, “I’m going to get the bus and sort it out an’ all that. I think you might like what I found us.” With an evil grin, he bolted for the door, only pausing to steal a biscuit I had been planning to give to Twilight.
Watching the door slam with a sigh, I turned and gathered a new biscuit and set out on my dangerous quest across the lounge. Pinkie saw what I was doing and bounced up next to me, only to stop when she spilled half her coffee all over herself. She sat down behind me, staring in confusion at her coffee-stained coat. “<-I swear I used to be able to NOT do that...->” I heard her mumble, but forged ahead lest my nerve fail me.
The moment felt tense and slow. As I crossed the short distance, I felt the eyes of the remaining company drawn to my back as I approached my objective. Two steps left...one...
“<-Hey, Twilight! Thought you might like some hot chocolate, you looked stressed.->” I plonked down next to her with as much finesse as a monkey playing a tuba and grinned a brilliantly fake smile in her direction. Receiving no response other than an bemused look, I forged ahead with my plan: “<-Here, have a cookie!->”
My brilliance once again underwhelmed me. Luckily, it seemed to do the trick, because Twilight flashed me a brief smile and a nod of thanks, taking the cup and, at length, the biscuit.
I curled up around my own coffee, warming my hands as I watched the sunrise next to the troubled Princess. I felt that she would probably want to watch the sun rise in silence, and for some reason, I didn't at all mind watching it with her.
It was a brilliant southern morning: the sun rose majestically and slowly banished the clinging mists rolling in off the Atlantic. On the other side of the canal and the buildings lining the opposite bank, the harbour would be teeming with energy and life, the mix of cultures and art enlivening the spirits of those lucky enough to witness it. And I felt not an ounce of will to experience it myself.
The sun was fully up, and it was time to complete my task. I looked out of the corner of my eye and carefully regarded Twilight Sparkle. Her features were set as if in stone, holding herself perfectly still as she welcomed the dawn. She sat of her haunches, her tail carefully curled around her, holding her cup at chest level in much the same way I was, warming her hooves on its surface as the biscuit incongruously orbited her head. Her long neck stretched fully brought her head to slightly higher than my own when seated, and her ears stood at rigid attention, the one nearest me flicking ever so slightly in my direction.
“You’re watching me again”
It had been a while since I’d felt her mind’s echoing touch, but this time it was different: She did not surround my consciousness, or attempt to hold it. It was more as if I were touching her, and her emotions traversed the sensation to my own mind.
The next few moments were silent, and I realized she was waiting for me to answer. “You can’t just tell what I’m thinking anymore?” I thought for her to hear (Weird, right?)
“No,” She said out loud, “I cannot. I...think you have learnt to resist me, through overexposure.”
I smirked to myself. “Well, I’m not going to complain; it’s nice to be safe in my own head again.” I didn't expect to see her flinch at my words, but I saw too late how they must have sounded. “I didn't mean it like that Twi, Its just...”
“It’s okay, “She said slowly, like she was measuring the words, “You are right. I think it was necessary at the time, but I also did overdo it, and for that, I owe you an apology. Also, for the whole Language swap thing, I should not have done that...”
It sounded stiff, but it was something. And if she was willing to concede some ground, I should be able to do the same. “Heh, I did kinda get a bit angry. It was scary and I may have overreacted once or twice. And the language thing; it all turned out okay in the end, right? We’re getting somewhere now!” I claimed with a victorious smile, “It was just a stressful situation, and tempers flared, but all that...just water under the bridge.”
Twilight nodded then looked at me, her searching eyes trying to find an answer in my features. I merely help still, hoping that this latest awkwardness would iron itself out in due course. Luckily it did; “<-Thank you for the hot chocolate and the...cookie->” Twilight bobbed her head with a smile, and nibbled the crunchy biscuit. I could have sworn I heard a small sigh somewhere behind me but I purposefully ignored it.
Twilight's attention to detail locked onto the bag draped around shoulders, and brought her out with a question (Note to all: if Twilight is sulking, do something she cannot help but be curious about) "Is that Sarah's bag? The one she carried us in?"
I looked down at the bag, pretending that I was noticing it for the first time. "Indeed it is! The food delivery guy said he found it outside the door. Yesterday got a bit busy, but I figured you should know: she's offered us help if we need it, and she's staying within easy distance. so no worries, looks like we have a backup plan after all."
Twilight looked decidedly away from me after that, with a grim set to her jaw. "Someone else I owe an apology to...her more than any..."
Oh, damn, I'm losing her! Quick, Brain, do something to change the subject!
I got up and looked down at Twilight’s enormous questioning eyes. “<-Sorry, but, you know, ponies to feed, trouble to make. Why don’t you join us?->” Good job, brain...for once...
Twilight sighed , saying in a voice one might use to explain to a child why they shouldn't touch a stove-top, “<-I already told you, I don’t need to eat anymore. I know how it sounds, but really...->”
“I didn't say you had to eat, did I? We mortals may need food to survive, but even immortal alicorn princesses need more than that to actually live.” I gestured to the audience we had: Five sets of eyes covertly...okay, not that covertly peeking at us from the other side of the room (Pinkie had actually gotten hold of the pair of binoculars that used to decorate the counter and was ‘spying’ on us by peeking over the edge of the couch). Twilight nodded woodenly, and rose to walk with me to the kitchen counter. I heard a soft, high-pitched squeak behind me as I entered the kitchen.
As I did, I put the bag on the counter. Twilight didn't waste a second in unzipping it and dumping the contents on the table. I was going to seriously reprimand her, but then Rarity just about pounced on the bundle, her light blue aura capturing one of the pieces of fabric. The length rippled out and wrapped itself snugly around her, leaving the unicorn stroking and cooing at the pink scarf. AJ, tough, was even funnier; she may have conquered my hat in lieu of her own, but the second that brown I-can't-believe-it's-not-leather hat landed on the counter, AJ was there. Then she wasn't. I had watched her dive tackle the headwear, and then I got to laugh at her snuggling the thing on the kitchen floor, her mutterings lost in an adorable high-pitched squeak. Could it be? Had I just experienced the first true squee? Ignoring the thought, I glanced confusedly at Twilight, hoping for an explanation. She was busy smiling indulgently as she levitated all of the various little items off to her friends, eliciting more squees and votes of thanks to both of us. Eventually, she looked up at me, saying, "The bag had our things in it to begin with. Thank you for bringing them out."
With a nod and a smile, I accepted her thanks and laid out the left over delights from two days ago, ripped out a fresh loaf of bread for toast, and prepared the kettle for its arduous morning’s service.
*****
Things seemed to be going really, really well. In fact, they were going so well, that I was getting really, really nervous. Why? Murphy’s Law, of course. To every smile there was a grimace. To every laugh there was a cry, ecstasy to agony and so on.
Right now, my excellent morning of pony socializing was being balanced out by the terrible decision made by one certain member of my own species, sitting proudly outside in the parking lot.
“Andrew, you better have fitted that hulk of a bus with everything from jet thrusters to portal guns, otherwise I swear upon all that is holy I will slowly rend your...”
“Whoa, dude! Relax a minute,” Andrew cut off what was about to develop into a very impressive tirade, “You see ‘old and buggered’, but you get ‘retro and classic’!” He stood next to his new pride and joy, and archaic, dilapidated excuse for a bus, himself dressed in a one-piece green overall and Gatsby cap.
“’Classic’ implies desirable,” I intoned, “And what’s with the getup? Are you trying to look like a failed mechanic? Cuz its working.”
I nearly laughed at his look of righteous fury. “I’ll have you know that this splendid overall came with the bus! I thought it would help get us into charac-I mean, the mood!” He stomped around to the engine bay door, pulling it open, “And the engine is in great condition, just refurbished recently.”
I didn't really care for the mechanics of it. It was a bus, and old one at that. The retro design of small, separate, round-cornered windows and over-all rounded shape easily placed this bus in the pre-eighties style, and it looked completely out of place on the fourth-floor parking bay of the immense white apartment block behind us. Its colouration had obviously been picked for maintenance purposes: Red lower half to cover up the rusty steel and silver top section to hide the corroding aluminium. In between, to my horror, the side windows were covered with thin black plastic sheeting duct-taped to the frames, stopping anyone from looking inside. I walked around the front of the vehicle (if one could call it that), and noticed that, indeed, this particular ‘Leyland Olympic’ was in need of some serious repair. Completing my circuit of the rolling wreck, I returned to a smug-looking Andrew.
“You’re and idiot, mate.” I deadpanned.
Andrew dropped his smile and went into business mood. “Okay, look, I know you asked for a grand ol’ bus with tinted windows and whatnot, but how was I to find one of those on short notice? Plus I’d have needed a different license to drive it. This is a great and surprisingly enough legal compromise. Just have a look inside, and I promise it won’t seem so bad.”
Andrew may have been a goof, but he did normally have his reasons... I turned and walked up into the old wagon. Inside, I was actually pleasantly surprised. The old leatherette seats were in pretty good condition; the ones that were there, of course. Andrew leapt into the space on the rough wooden floor that used to contain the starboard seats (These were missing all the way to the back row) “You see, place for ponies to stand, and the floorboards aren't so smooth that they'd slip! We can’t expect our equine guests to actually sit on the seats all that much, it would be uncomfortable.”
“Pinkie sat in a very human like manner yesterday.” I pointed out remembering the position she had assumed; one I would have associated more with a certain mint green unicorn.
“She only sat like that so she could stare at the wonders of fluorescent lighting above her,” Andrew droned, “But here, they can walk around, be merry and whatever it is you’re planning on. And before you complain,” Andrew pointed at the black plastic-covered windows, “Check that out!”
I was surprised to actually be able to see out of the window quite well. The plastic was so incredibly thin as to be transparent from within the bus, while still blocking any outside eyes. It was...geniusly simple.
“Okay, you got me, mate,” I sighed in defeat, “You didn't do half-bad here, but if this thing breaks down, we may have a problem with AA. If they ever turned up in this country...Anyway, time to bring out the ponies!” I turned and began a purposeful march back to the apartment, before Mister Logical interrupted me.
“Uh, mate? How’re we gonna do that, exactly?”
I stopped dead, eyes only now scanning the thirty metres from the entrance of the building and the bus. On top of that, there were a couple dozen paces of hall to cover to get from to the apartment.
Fuck.
I supposed I shouldn’t have been surprised at Twilight’s reaction to this particular hitch.
“<-WHAT?!->” Twilight glared at me with eyes wide with incredulity.
“<-I said, I may not have thought through how to get you guys actually ON the bus. It was a... small miscalculation on my part.->”
Rainbow Dash sat stock still on the couch (She seemed to have had a serious ‘that’s my spot’ reaction to Pinkie Pie, who now lay motionlessly on her side on the floor, staring up at me.) “<-So...Does this mean we can’t go outside and stuff?->”
Applejack walked around the couch slowly, looking up at me with a pleading face that would have melted my heart were it not for the curler stuck in her mane. “<-Ah sure hope ya got a plan here, Marc, cuz Rarity’s gettin’ a mighty case a’ cabin fever!->”
Rarity, sitting in the lounge surrounded by fashion-related paraphernalia that she must have pulled out of some unexplored cupboard, glared at Applejack. “<-I am not! I just thought it would be nice for us all to look our best, and your mane would look so much better in a braid!->”
“<-I would really like to go outside...->” Fluttershy’s mumble was lost in a growing exchange between Applejack and Rarity which I felt needed intervention.
Well, that wasn't right...“<-Applejack, a braid would suit you just fine, but Rarity, there is no logical reason why you would need to use a CURLER for a braid. Now put the stuff away, we’re going pretty soon.->”
“<-And how do you plan on doing that, exactly?->” Twilight snarked, stepping in front of me, barely a foot away “<- The way you put it, it’s fifty-odd pony-lengths from here to the bus, in the open. We aren’t exactly inconspicuous around here.->”
Bing went my brain, and, as if it was the only logical answer that I had planned from the very beginning, I blurted out, “You’re going to do a light-bending spell around you all and I’ll lead you out. No problem.->”
“<-I...->” That was the moment when Twilight’s ‘WTF’ face overtook her ‘curious’ face in epic cuteness levels. “<-I could do that...it isn’t even a high-energy spell, so it wouldn’t take long to recharge...How did you know that?! Humans don’t even USE magic!->” Twilight arched back looking straight at me from a much more comfortable distance. Her confused (And therefore, being Twilight, angry) face was still terrifying.
And now was the time for my brilliant intuition to kick in and save me from more Angry Twilight Repercussions:
C’mon...
“D’uh?”
Twilight heckled. A few sparks seemed to play in the depths of her mane, making this sweet buzzing sound, matched by her impossibly cheery smile. “<-Of course, you’re right...somehow...I’ll do the spell while you help my friends get ready!->”
This was disturbing. She was grinning. Not a good grin.
And this is why, a while later, Andrew walked in on a very embarrassed me sitting behind a somewhat nervous Applejack, dutifully plaiting away. His reaction was as expected.
“BwuHAHAHA! Pony makeover date! Marc, you fuckin’ brilliant git!”
Once Andrew’s outburst finally reduced him to catatonic mirth on the floor, I replied, tying off the final twist in the complicated braid I had managed to eke out of my now red fingers and into every inch of Applejacks mane and tail. “It was this, or combing Pinkie’s hair. And don’t piss off Twilight today.” I patted AJ on the shoulder, “<-There ya go, all done. Gotta say, your mane is a lot tougher than I thought, despite looking...somewhat softer...->” It took me a minute to remember I was talking to an orange pony who just so happened to have damn amazing blonde hair.
On the other hand, it was probably wise to compliment her, considering that she could buck me into lifelong chastity from where she was currently standing. She shook herself and walked in a small circle around the coffee table, inspecting the tightly woven strands of her silky flaxen hair...Mane and tail. Then she looked up with a smile and a nod of approval. “<-That there’s one a’ the finest darn braids Ah’ve ever had! Where’d ya learn ta do that?”->”
I couldn’t help but chuckle nervously. Andrew paced around for a second, looking from room to room, before returning with a question: “Yeah, enough horse-talk, where are the others? There were six ponies here when I left.”
I didn’t need to answer, for at that exact moment, a small ripple in the air moved from a position on the counter, through a well-scribed arch, to land atop Andrew’s shoulders with a cry;
A flash later and Andrew and I were alone in the apartment, save for six heat shimmers, one of which WOULD NOT SHUT UP. I looked at the shimmer sitting next to me on the couch and asked, “<-Care to explain this?->”.
The imprint next to me shuffled slightly. “<-Well, um...The magic fueling the spell is also...fueling Pinkie. Ponies are magical creatures, Marc,” Twilight’s disembodied voice started in lecture mode, “We need magic to operate. But your world is...somewhat lacking in this regard.->”
My brow furrowed in thought, tuning out the incessant babble that Andrew was trying to unwrap from his head. “<-Wait, you mean that if you don’t have a source of magic, it’s like..not getting a meal or something?->”
“More like not getting water,” Twilight answered in English. Whatever she was going to say next, she wanted to keep it private, “Ponies use magic as raw energy. If they lack it, they fade away. I haven’t been letting that happen. After all, I am... kind of the Princess of Magic and all...”
Now THAT explained a lot. Wow... “So you've been feeding them the whole time? Secretly? How do you even do that?”
An invisible shrug made itself felt (I missed a ponyshrug...damn) “I don’t know why, exactly, but I feel magic here, even though I know the leylines I am used to should be far away, but I think...My theory is...”
“Friendship is Magic”
Twilight’s illusion fell away, unmasking her surprised face. It turned curious as she asked simply, “How?”
I looked her in the eye. “Logic, this time. You guys all have more energy when you’re friendly. And you’re drawing on Love. Love your friends have for you.”
“Like a Changeling”
“Andrew, shut the hell up-“
“He’s right” I stared at Twilight, who shrugged again. “It is almost like that, but more passive. I should have known it all along, but...I forgot, for a little while, how powerful friendship really is.” And with that, she threw up her illusion again.
I held back my dozens of questions and stuck to what was important...this was too much to think about...I heard a rain of chatter arc through the air as Andrew finally pushed Pinkie away from his face, and queried it; “So you guys all have more energy now? As long as Pinkie is under the illusion spell, she’s gone full Pinkie?”
Twilight laughed a little at my assumption. “Ha, please, full Pinkie would be a disaster! I’d never let her go full Pinkie, I’d let her have maybe seventy-five percent Pinkie at best, just to keep the roof on. Ponyville was just about rebuilt with Pinkie Pie in mind after a while. <-Your world,” She revealed just her head to me, just so I could appreciate her wink, “could never handle our total combined awesomeness->”
“<-Awwww yeah! You go Twilight!->” Rainbow Dash crowed from somewhere near the end of the couch.
“<-Okay, let’s get going before it gets busy outside->” I said, unable to keep myself from laughing. I made for the door. Twilight was feeding off of and sustaining her friends at the same time...that’s some twisted shit...
“Okay...” I looked felt and right down the hall, before moving out into the hallway towards the pair of heavy glass security doors at the entrance, followed by the invisible silent ponies. Except Pinkie. I turned and attempted to hush her, but I didn't know exactly which shimmer to hush.
Instead, I kept a vigil on the empty corridors and swiped my tag across the magstrip at the door. It opened and we all filed through. To any onlookers, it must have looked hilarious. Me walking nonchalantly through the door, eliciting a beep from the machinery, which was then immediately followed by another...and then five more, despite the fact that there was no visible patrons in my wake. Andrew dashed out last, ran to the bus and kicked it into starting. The loud diesel growl brought forth a gasp behind me, but I ignored it, noticing two other people entering their vehicles a ways up the parking lot. They may have been a good hundred paces off, but unfortunately, high pitched squeaking carries, even when muffled. A part of me wanted to be really annoyed at Pinkie Pie right then, but I also knew that if anything, she needed it.
And so I stood there, jaws pumping so as to make it appear that Pinkie's near-the-limit-of-audible-range babble was the product of my own voice. Can you imagine: A crazy ragged-looking dude squeaking inhumanly by the bus’s door as six heat-shimmers floated quietly into the vehicle. The other people quickly vacated the parking lot.
Shortly after, I jumped in and slammed the black plastic-coated aperture shut on my shame and turned to find a Gatsby hat nearly shoved up my nose by Andrew. He held the old piece of fabric out at me with a sobre expression, and I took it with equal reverence. Shoving the hat firmly on my head, I turned and looked over the materializing ponies, who stared, aghast, out of the ‘tinted’ windows of our tour bus. “Welcome to the Pyrefell-Werner Multi-species Bus Tour! If you can understand me, and preferably can respond, then you’re welcome to join. Busdriver, take it away!”
“PONY ROAD TRIP!!” Andrew shouted as he whacked the bus into gear and stamped on the accelerator...
Andrew’s ‘expert bush-qualified’ driving was making the short narrow turns of the parking lot worse than a roller coaster for the poor equines. Rainbow Dash, the pony nearest to me, was finally showing some impressive coordination in managing to stay somewhat up right, all four hooves spread and a look of stubbornness adorning her features, nice change from her mopey face of late. Behind her, Applejack met with slightly less success, stumbling into a bench frame for support with a brilliantly clichéd “Whoa, Nelly!” for good measure. Rarity barely even gave the buss’s motion any consideration before swooning and sprawling out on the bench seat Fluttershy was now hiding under. Gracefully, of course. At the very rear of the bus sat the funniest pictures yet. Pinkie Pie, in some fit of broken logic, had decided that being airborne was the only solution, and was currently clinging to one of the heavy duty nylon hand straps hanging from the bus’s ceiling racks, swinging around like a piñata, windmilling her legs around. Just behind her sat Twilight. When Andrew had first accelerated, his excited burst had thrown Twilight backwards, eliciting a cry of surprise. Luckily for her, the rear bench had caught her like a catcher’s mitt. After a few moments of Andrews erratic driving, she was now throwing a thousand yard stare in our direction, but, sliding around like hockey puck on the seat as she was, it lost some of its effect.
I merely clung to the aluminium frame around the door area, grinning and barely containing my laughter at the ponies’ antics. Not to say I didn’t have any sympathy for them: I leaned over to Andrew, growling over the growing engine noise, “Dude, chill the crazy driving, our passengers aren’t going to get hospital care very easily are they?”
Andrew frowned and adjusted his rear-view mirror to look down the length of the bus, exclaiming, “No shit, dude, you better catch Pinkie before she goes through a window!” Andrew lifted off the gas and gestured for me to hurry towards the wildly swinging pink pony, an order I was only too willing to follow. With the bus slowing, Rainbow Dash straightened and looked up at me as I pushed past her. “<-Hey, Marc, ya think you could, oh, I don’t know, NOT try and kill us?->”
Her level of sarcasm was growing along with her energy level, I noted. Still, no point in being antagonistic; “<-Sorry about that, Rainbow, we should be travelling smoother once we hit the main roads. Here, why don’t you stand up front next to Andrew? You’ll get the best view.->” I waved her forward, sweeping my cap off and shoving it down on her passing mop of nearly luminescent prismatic hair. Rainbow spluttered in shock and leapt forward, spinning and feeling the cap with a hoof while giving me a questioning glance.
“<- And that was for what, exactly?->” She queried.
“<-Just to keep your awesomeness from attracting too much attention.->” I answered dryly before patting her muscled shoulder and turning back to my task. We couldn't have Rainbow Dash’s...rainbow-ness being visible to the outside world as much as it would be through the wholly transparent windshield, and anyway, that cap looked utterly adorable on her.
What?!
Brain, start thinking normally, I silently commanded. I knew that some guys out there, the hardcore Bronies of the world, would be all over these ponies if they had the chance that Andrew and I were getting, but we weren’t like that. To think of them on a human level was insulting to them, and us.
My orders-to-self complete, if senseless, I swiftly ignored my inner situation and continued down the bus to Applejack. Noticing she seemed a little stuck, I held out a hand as I would to a human, which met with a deadpan stare from the orange mare. AJ looked up at me, raising an eyebrow. “<- An’ how am Ah s’pposed ta use that, exactly?->”
She made a good point. With all her legs occupied in merely standing up against the bench frame, she had no way to take my hand. Other than biting it, which clearly neither of us were willing to attempt. Instead, I reached over her tough shoulder and pulled her to standing before guiding her, as Andrew braked, nearly sending both of us flying, to the bench seat, helping her up to the blacked out window. She looked out of the hazy glass and plastic, getting her first view of the city we were entering.
“<-Whoa, now...that’s some mighty tall buildin’s ya’ll got here...->” She noted quietly, staring out of the window.
“<-Yeh, I’ll get to explaining that lot now, just let me grab Pinkie...->” I was about to continue down the bus, but a strategically placed white hoof blocked my path. I looked down at the comi-tragic prone form of Rarity, stretched full-length on the bus seat on her back. I sighed, realizing that I’d have to deal with her before moving on to my actual goal. “<-hey, Rares? Do me a favour and just sit up like AJ over there?->”
Massive gasp, followed by, “<-But what if I fall! What If I am injured, or...scruffed up?!->” She swooned again, all of the three inches she’d raised her head. Seeing I was not going to win by reason, I chose the course of action: I grabbed the offending hind leg and, rotating it upwards, twisted forward, flipping Rarity quite easily onto her side. Then, ignoring her ‘eeps’ of protest, I reached forward and pulled her upright by the shoulders...shoulder area, anyway.
After she got over her shock at being manhandled, she cast an almost vicious pout in my direction. “<-My word! How dare you treat a lady to such roughhousing? Why, I’ve half a mind to...->”
I cut her off before she could go into full Whine Mode Plus by yet again invading her personal space by nudging her cheek, making her head turn and face the window. This had the desired effect, that being Rarity’s eyes being drawn immediately to the bright colours adorning many of the buildings, cars and people within visual range. She cooed under her breath at the sight, suddenly unmindful of my transgressions.
I took a step back and balanced as Andrew made a final turn out of the parking lot and onto the road proper. As I did, I thought back to a certain realization I had made when ‘helping’ Rarity up; I was surprised at how different she...felt. Where RD and AJ were strong and notably hard-muscled, Rarity was much...softer.
It took my half a second to realize what I was thinking about. Instead of another internal berating, I simply forced it from my mind. I was getting a little too familiar here for my own comfort, let alone theirs...
This is why I refrained from getting even a foot closer to Fluttershy, who was still hiding under Rarity’s seat. Instead, I leaned down and said, hardly daring to look at her, “<-Fluttershy, you should really sit on a bench like the other ponies.->” I patted the one behind Rarity’s, “This one here is open, so why not get more comfortable. I’m just gonna go help Pinkie Pie real quick, I’ll come back in a bit.->” I didn't stay to hear her reply, rather caught up in ignoring my sudden over-familiarity with the equine members of our party.
My sudden change in tone, from friendly bantering with Rainbow Dash and Applejack, to forcefulness with Rarity, to my sudden shyness with Fluttershy, was not going unnoticed to the gently swinging pony now only a few feet away. Somehow, Pinkie had managed to hook her hind legs through two of the hanging nylon straps, and was hanging upside down with her forehooves nearly resting on the floor. Her curious, happy, smiling face beamed up at me as I found myself looking directly into her tail. This certainly shocked me out of my reverie.
I huffed and dropped to my knees as Andrew accelerated again, setting Pinkie swinging about as she attempted to talk to me; “<-Hey, Marc!->” swing, “<-Why are you looking all->” swing, “<-Grumpy-pants->” swing, “<-All of a sudden?->” Swinging terminated.
I gently took hold of one of Pinkie’s forelegs and reeled her in ‘til she and I were more or less level if I stooped down lower. “<-Pinkie, what on earth possessed you that made you think THIS was a good idea?->”
Pinkie giggled and thrust her head forward, her eyes growing to tremendous size as she stared attentively at me. “<-Well, how could I talk to you if I was holding on with my mouth, silly!->” Her free hoof swung up and, before I could react, batted my gently on the nose.
I snorted in surprise, earning a high-pitched guffaw from the dangling mare. I couldn’t help but chuckle along with her, even as I attempted to right her. I crouched alongside her, ready to catch her when she fell as I lifted her with an arm around her midsection. Her hind legs slipped from the loops, but of course, on a moving vehicle, nothing ever goes as planned.
As Andrew slowed for a turn, Pinkie’s body began rotating forwards, pushing her into a head over hooves tumble. I couldn’t stop her as she began to spin in mid air. Luckily for me, I didn’t need to: Pinkie found me to be a perfect spring board, managing to kick both my head and stomach in opposite directions, spinning herself through a summersault any gymnast would have been proud of. I got a wonderful view from my new position entangled in the frame of a seat as she landed with catlike grace in the middle of the isle. With radiant grin, she leaned in to me, and before I could protest, bit the front of my jacket and hoisted me halfway to my feet before stepping back and exclaiming, “<-There ya go, Marcy, easy-peasy!->” and clamping me in a rib crushing hug.
Okay, all semantics aside, I couldn’t help but note one thing about Pinkie: You think eating a dozen cakes a meal would make her all soft and huggable? Well, partly...but under a thin layer of adorableness, she was every bit as built as Applejack and as lithe as Raindow Dash. I’d only really seen her in her fatigued state before this, and this was, well, terrifying.
It barely lasted a few seconds before Pinkie, with no trouble balancing at all, bounced back, flashed me an impossible smile, and then leapt clean over my head and landed on the bench she had pushed me against, staring out of the window, bright eyed and full of overly awed cooing.
I had just been completely Pinkie’d in less than a minute. I stood hesitantly and gawked at Twilight, who was watching me with barely contained mirth. When she saw my expression, she burst out laughing, not even bothering to contain herself.
That’s when I decided that it had been worth it after all.
I wavered over to her seat and sat down next to her, grabbing onto the bench’s top rail as we neared a roundabout. I sighed explosively as I sat, “<-in the name of all that is holy, please explain to me what just happened, Twi?->”
Twilight scrabbled against the bench as Andrew threw the bus into the turn, sliding away from me before she answered, “<I warned you about Pinkie, didn't I? Oh, I wish you could’ve seen yourself! Haha!->”
I rubbed the side of my head ruefully, “Yeah...I really didn’t expect that. Though to honest, just getting to her was challenge enough, hehe..->’
Twilight’s lack of and answer drew my attention to the Alicorn. She was looking at me with bemused eyes. “You know...If they’re any trouble, I could...throttle them back...a bit?”
I shook my head without hesitation, exclaiming, “<-No way you can do that without asking them, and then they might as well just control themselves. They’re adults...I think...and actually, I’m happier seeing them happy right now, rather than tired. Anyway, you’ve got bigger problems.->”
Twilight raised a brow. “<-Oh? And that would be...?->”
I pointed ahead. “<-Left turn->”
Andrew turned the bus sharply off the roundabout. Twilight, without the benefit of hands to grip the rails with, slid helplessly across the seat, a small cry escaping her as she vainly beat her wings, but they did nothing to halt her relentless slid across the leatherette seats. I braced myself. She crashed into my side after her short slip, causing me to break out in laughter at her surprised expression.
After a minute of surprise, she punched a hoof into my ribs. “<-You knew that was going to happen!->”
I rolled my eyes at her mock shock. “<-Well, duh, and you should have, too. But that was a lot more dramatic than I expected.->” Seeing her raise her hoof again with a grin, I babbled, “But hey, what would you rather crash into, me or the side panels?->” I patted the rough wooded panel with the flat of my hand to emphasize my point.
Twilight sighed in concession, and turned to look up the length of the bus, noting that each of her friends were now wholly focused on the outside world. “<- You know, I still doubt the ...wisdom of bringing them out here. Not that you won’t try your best to protect them...it’s just that they can be a...->...Handful?”
I nodded, waiting for her to lean away from my side so we could continue the conversation. She didn’t. I looked down at her just as she looked up, and I found myself staring into her eyes. It was actually hard not to, considering how huge they were. I swear, each one had to be the size of my fist at least! They were massive!
“<-Uh...Why are you staring at me...?->”
I pulled my head back at looked at Twilight from a more comfortable distance. “<-Wha’? Oh...don’t you wanna sit up straight? You know, instead of having to lean on me?->”
Twilight, instead of moving away, just dropped her head to my shoulder, her eyes scanning the bus yet again, sighing out, “Why bother? Andrew is just going to make me fall over again. Like you said, better you than the wall->”
I chuckled at her reasoning, shifting to accommodate her better. It wasn’t like I was uncomfortable to have her resting against me. I wasn’t uncomfortable at all.
Should I be?
I shook the silly feeling away. If, say, Sarah was in Twilight’s position, I would have no problem with it. I breathed out and checked on our progress: we were about to go under an overpass that blocked my view of the city, and I didn’t actually know where Andrew was taking us, but I could hear him avidly pointing things out despite the fact that the only two who could understand him were too far a way to hear him clearly.. The other ponies were listening attentively anyway, leaving the two of us unaccosted on the rear bench.
I quickly looked Twi over, trying to think of something to say. There wasn’t much I could talk about safely…except the bag hanging unassumingly, almost naturally, around her neck. “<-Twi? Why’ja bring Sarah’s bag along? I mean, didn't you guys get the scarves and whatnot out already?->”
Twi looked down at the bag, shuffling it fully out from under her wing – explains where she was hiding it – and hung it directly before her, but she said rather, “<-I could ask you the same thing about your bag…?->”
I looked back, noticing the shoulder straps of my laptop bag. Well, if the habit was so strong that even when blind drunk I never forgot this thing anywhere, it made sense that I had hooked it off the table in the apartment. I pulled it around in front of me and unzipped it, cataloguing the contents. It contained all of my electronics, minus my laptop, and a few other things. “<-Heh, this thing goes everywhere with me. It’s got all my most important things inside, stuff I don’t part with. Like this,->” I pulled out a long fine chain loop. Its double-links glimmered different shades of silver in the patchy light filtering into the bus, “<-My grandfather started making it in World War 2. Ya see, the stonger-looking links are the original chain; During the war, he served in the British navy, aboard the Battleship Prince of Wales…yeah, yeah, weird name, but that’s how they named ‘em… anyway, that ship was attacked and sunk while out patrolling. Three hundred and twenty seven men lost. My granddad planned on making one link on this chain for each of them, out of steel cuttings from the place the ship was built, steel was a commodity at the end of the war. He put the smaller links alongside the steel ones, in sterling silver, to make up the total, and left a space open for himself. I filled it in last year->” I finished, leaving the implications of that last to sink in on their own.
Twilight’s eyes widened in realization, but she said nothing, much to my relief. Instead, she hummed a short caption of a tune before looking down at her own bag. She spoke as she unzipped it and rifled magically through its now reasonably vacant interior, “<-I have something similar. I isn't as meaningful, perhaps, but it still means a lot to me->” She pulled out a necklace made from golden wire braided and woven through flat platinum chain links. Upon it was strung a small, yet ornate flat signet. “<-This was given to me by Princess Celestia and my parents together. My...regalia wasn’t completed, but this signet was supposed to mark me as a royal. My parents were so proud...They had the chain made for the signet. When I thought I lost it, I got rather upset. I’m very pleased to have it returned; I never thought I’d see it again.->” She stared at it for a while, unblinking, before beginning to lower it into the bag again.
It never did make it there, though. Instead, the signet chain found itself wrapped around my hand and yanked from Twilight's ethereal grip. Before she could react, I held it open over her head. I smiled benignly down at her. “<-Twi, if it makes you feel better to have something precious close to you, then you should no doubt keep it there.->”
She raised an Eyebrow at me, a questioning look falling over her features. Immediately, and without a doubt, I responded, “<-And I’ll wear mine, too. I’m proud of my history, as you should be of yours. We’re be a pair of proud gits together!->”
The weird thing is, though, that for once, my actions towards Twilight did not yield the expected results: Instead of that cute little smile and giggle I was going for, I got a slightly nervous, thoughtful glance, before Twilight leapt down from the bench, turned around and sat down facing me in what used to be the isle. “<-What am I thinking?->” She asked matter-of-factly.
I raised an eyebrow. “<-Uh...you’re probably wondering why I would say something like that...->” suddenly my head kicked up a gear, almost whittling out what Twilight had realized “<-And you’re wondering why I always say just what you need to hear...->”
“Andrew! Brake, please!” Twilight called out suddenly.
“You got it, Sparkler!” Andrew called back as, despite us being pretty much in the middle of an intersection, he slammed on the tired brakes. Gravity suddenly seemed to shift ninety degrees, throwing everyone forward. Twilight slid backwards gracefully, landing with a slight bump alongside Rainbow Dash, who was trying to scrape her face off the windshield.
Twilight looked at Andrew, an amused grin breaking across her face. “Thank you Andrew, we can continue...and don’t call me Sparkler.” The she turned to me shouting out in English through the bus, “So, Marc, what am I thinking now?”
I stared at her dully. I had been so close to a massive realization, but when Twilight zoomed off, she took it with her.
...Wait...
Twilight spoke my thoughts out clearly. “Marc, you are apparently my conscience. Come on over here.”
I did so. I didn't bother even checking on the other ponies, thoughts of my pony-social awkwardness pushed from my mind in the quest for whatever answer Twilight planned on giving me; her tone clearly bespoke her intent to expand upon her statement. As the bus finally started rolling again, much to the joy of our very agitated fellow road users, I made my way to stand beside Twilight, looking down at her questioningly.
She took the liberty of leaning against me as she collated her thoughts into a believable response. “It’s...somewhat awkward to explain. But my mistakes come back to bite me again, and you, I’m afraid.”
Sadness settled in my heart as I realized what Twilight meant. It made me even sadder to realize it wasn't my realization at all. “I think I know what you’re talking about...”
“Of course you do,” She stated with a sigh, “I think...I think you may have gotten more than just an understanding of Equestrian when I...forced it on you. I think you may have gotten an understanding...of me. It sounds weird, almost...wrong, nonsensical, but it’s the truth.”
I didn't know what to make of this. So I just innately knew how Twilight ticked? Seriously? I knew that if I wrote that into any of my fanfics I would get no end of hate from my readers for such a stupid line.
But come to think of it, it made sense. As much sense as magically-fueled pan-dimensional ponies, that is. Ever since Twilight had done the whole language-upload thing to me, I had been slowly chipping away her facade piece by piece with incredibly poignant comments and actions the likes of which were far beyond my usual social abilities. That’s because they weren't really my comments at all.
Made me feel kinda stupid, actually.
This is why I didn't deign to respond. The words in my head, ready to be released, were so perfectly conciliatory they made me sick. If I was literally Twilight’s conscience now, then fine. She could break that stupid link whenever she wanted to. She knew that, and so did I, by extension apparently. The unspoken, illogical truth was that she just didn't want to.
Fine. Whatever. I actually didn't mind, because it was clear that me having her thoughts was making it an easier load for her to bare. And of course I cared so much for her because she cared for herself.
That’s all there was to it.
I had nothing to do with it.
It wasn't as if I was actually...”Andrew, where the fuck are you taking us?!”
Looking out of the window, I found myself looking up at stately tall office blocks and dizzyingly busy streets as we crawled past at a snail’s pace (probably the bus’s top speed) Andrew, having a gay old time, whistled a snatch of tune and alled out in an almost singsong voice, “I’m taking us up Long Street, partner!”
I jumped a little, disturbing Twilight who was still nonchalantly leaning against me. I put a hand against the windshield squinting at the brightness of the city after the dinginess of the bus.
Andrew was indeed taking us up the infamous party street. At ten in the morning, though, it lost, well, most of its appeal, which I wasted no time at all, informing my somewhat whimsical friend. “Mate, my would you take us up there? I thought we agreed on driving around Seapoint and all the prettier parts of the city, not...here.”
Andrew snorted derisively as he turned off the infamous street. “Mate, you tend to plan using late-night internal monologues which you then assume have been broadcast to every other living soul. I was just driving around while you did...whatever it was you were doing. And now it turns out you've hopped onto Sparkler’s wavelength, so you guys know more about this than I do. I was just driving in the general direction of the museum.”
Twilight gasped, “Museum? <-Museum?->”
All of the other ponies turned and exclaimed as a harmonious whole, “<-Museum?->”
Rainbow Dash’s head found itself reacquainted with the glass before her yet again as she groaned in protest. I raised a brow at Andrew. “Dude, how what purpose would going to a museum serve? I don’t know if you realized, but I don’t think the facilities there a quadruped friendly.”
Andrew shrugged. “Well, it ain’t like we can take ponies surfing at the beach or anything. What other options do we have? The gardens? The Castle? Table Mountain? There aren’t lot of pony-friendly places to visit. I was just gonna drive past them all, give the ponies some eye candy.”
Twilight, though, looked down, deep in thought. When she looked up, she had an oddly worrisome look in her eye.
“<-I want to get into that museum, and I think I know how.->”
Ponies are colourful creatures. In this very bus there were so many shades that the impressionist artists were put to shame, and yet paled in comparison to the varied and disparate reactions.
Fluttershy ‘eeped’ particularly adorably and cowered uncertainly on her seat, and was completely hidden by Rarity’s excited exclamation. “<-Oh, how wonderful! We get to visit a landmark? I do so hope they have a section on historical fashion...->”
“<-Oh, rattlesnakes, cain’t we jus’ go somewhere else? The countryside, maybe?->” Applejack grumbled, pulling her hat down over her eyes. “<-I seen enuff o’ this ‘ere city t’last a lifetime! There’s jus’ so dang much of it...->” Pinkie Pie bounced up on her seat, shouting over Applejack’s head, <-Or let’s go to the beach! There’s a party on the beach right now! Pleasepleaseplease...->” Et cetera. She simply repeated the two words over and over again in a way that managed to be extremely persuasive.
“<-Pinkie, how you figure?->” I couldn't help but be curious. “<-is this your Pinkie Sense thing?->” I turned to Twilight to ask if this was even possible, but Pinkie forestalled me.
“<-No, silly, look there! And there, and there, and there...->” Et cetera. Again. She was pointing out the dozens of flyers strapped to street lights and walls that zoomed past our moving bus. I was about to growl at myself for not noticing signs for a beach party, when an equally confusing tidbit came to mind. “<-But those posters are written in Engli...->”
“<-Stop->” A purple limb reached up and redirected my head until I found my attention fully occupied by Twilight’s insistent gaze, “<-If you value your sanity, you will not finish that question.->” She stared at me until I gulped and nodded. She was right: I had bigger things to worry about right now. Like Twilight’s desire to go into a museum that would most definitely be full of humans rather not expecting to see a winged lavender alien-pony perusing the displays.
Right, that: “Twilight, about the museum...I don’t think you’ll be able to go into the place without causing a bit of a problem...->”
She raised an eyebrow at me and smirked. “<-Oh, I’m not going into the museum.->”
I didn't like the feeling that I was seriously out of all the loops I had been quite firmly in up until a few minutes ago. “<-Okay, usually I’d just wait for you to make sense after a few minutes, but I’m gonna humour you: How do you plan on getting into the museum if you’re not going into the museum?->”
Twilight took a breath, either to sigh or to actually explain something for once, but of course the universe decided to invene. And by the universe, I of course mean Rainbow Dash. “<-Okay. Museum. Twilight want. I get that, but,->” Rainbow leaned into the windshield, looking in at Twi and me as we stood just behind her in the middle of the bus, “<-I think we should at least get some breakfast before you drag us all into some dusty old museum->”
Twilight’s eyes widened, not expecting the others to assume they would be accompanying her, but quite frankly me just knowing that those were her thoughts right off the bat was reason enough for me to interrupt her. “<-Good point Rainbow, Twi can explain her plan to all of us over breakfast.->” I looked out the window looking for a nearby restaurant. Instead, I saw an oldish Malaysian man standing in the street and looking at the bus. Staring intently through the windshield.
At Rainbow Dash.
“<-Okay, Rainbow, Backing up from the glass, now->” I hurriedly said, pulling her away from the glass and into the shadowy interior of the vehicle. Who was I kidding, thinking a Gatsby cap would be enough to hide her for long? Didn’t mean I was taking it back, though. I bumped Rainbow Dash a few feet further into the bus and ignored her initial glare. Instead, I smiled and shrugged at the man outside, who, after a moment’s hesitation, merely waved back and continued on this way. Huh. I expected a bit more trouble than that...
Anyway, back to business. I scanned the street, searching for a suitable eatery to serve our needs. Andrew slowed the buss to literal crawling speeds to give me enough time to search, and I quickly found a likely spot. I turned to Andrew and grinned maniacally. “Boy, I sure do hope Ponies like Indian food.”
Food. The universal equalizer. In less than a split second, I was surrounded by ponies clamouring for food in a way I found oddly similar to baby birds. Their grating questions hit me like a like freight train, leaving the only thought in my head to wonder why this was being inflicted solely upon me.
Luckily, Twilight came to my aid. She pushed her way in front of her friends and flared her wings to hold them at bay. She gave me and insistent glance that said, in the most clichéd way imaginable, ‘Go. Now!’
Needless, to say, I still obeyed. I wasn't sure how this morning was going to pan out, but I was sure it was not going to get easier. Getting breakfast should be easy enough. Andrew slowed the bus to a halt, I cracked the door just enough for me to jump out, and sprinted across the street to the apparently Indian diner. With my complete lack of knowledge of Indian food, I simply pointed at seven of their finest strictly vegetarian meals. ‘Strictly’meaning, as I had to explain multiple times to the teller, no meat AT ALL. Not less beef. Not alongside lamb shanks. Certainly not an extra side of chicken. NO MEAT.
Yeah, so not so easy after all. This was going to be a long day.
After twenty minutes haggling over the price, I finally made it out of the eatery with my soul intact. I looked around the street for a minute, unable to find the bus. Just as I began to get a little nervous: “Just tell ‘im to stay put for a minute, we’ll drive around and come and pick ‘im up.”
This was creepy, because that was Andrew’s voice, not Twilight’s. Twilight I could live with; I trusted her to be responsible – for some reason – but Andrew? I knew him, but...not enough for this. As such, my thought returned as somewhat of a jumble of questions and expletives I’d rather not have to share. However, I did get an agreeable answer. “<-Calm down, Marc, it’s just me, Twilight. I felt you searching for us, so I shared what Andrew was saying with you, nothing to get scared about->”
I audibly gasped, pulling in a new breath to replace the now very outdated one I’d been holding in.
“<-Oh thank God, I thought Andrew was mind-jacking me, too...hang on, now, I wasn’t scared!->”
I could feel her giggle as easily as though she were right next to me. “<-You realize that you’re sharing your emotions as if they’re on sale, right?->”
I actually didn’t know that, but now that Twilight noted it, I could feel myself clamming up, and could sense her surprise, and just maybe, a little bit a hurt. Though I couldn’t figure out why, because she closed up, too. Weird. “<-Well, we’re right in front of you, so wake up and get in.->”
I shook my head rapidly, looking up at the unmistakably ugly vehicle before me. The door was cracked open just enough to expose one magenta iris below the edge of a cap.
I sighed, and pushed myself up into the door, jamming it wide enough for the packages I was carrying to fit through. I put all the bags down and turned to close the door, but in the moment I did so, I saw an old leathery-skinned grandmother staring past me into the bus. I shut the door as quickly as I could after giving her a polite smile (Always pays to be nice, right?) and turned to see what she had been looking at. And of course Rainbow Dash had her nose buried in the bags, her bright-as-bunting tail waving around just enough to catch the lady’s attention. Damn.
“<-Rainbow, I’m gonna ask you to step away from the food, okay?->” I said calmly, as if talking to a dangerous bear. But, considering how much more energized they’d all been, lately, she very well deserved it. Rainbow Dash raised her head to growl at me, but noticed the bemused looks of her friends, all staring at her in a very accusatory manner.
“<-Eheh..Maybe I’ll just...wait over there.->” She mumbled and dragged herself to the first bench seat behind Andrew, where she sat looking at me expectantly. I figured that it was high time to start handing out the meals. Hungry ponies were not a problem to delay.
First, I grabbed an oddly long-ish wrapped roll thing, which I assumed was that seasonal salad wrap I had seen. I tossed it to Twilight, assuming she’d hand it to whoever wanted it. I was surprised when she opened the package and began cautiously nibbling at it herself.
Huh...well, there goes my breakfast...
I handed the meal I’d previously planned for myself to Pinkie Pie, figuring she wouldn’t mind the spicy greens and sauce. I guess it served me right for automatically assuming Twilight wouldn’t eat when I’d spent the last few days convincing her to get on with it. I overhand-tossed an apple-cinnamon pie to Applejack, and picked out Rarity’s almost ornate looking mild salad. Fluttershy received a beautiful little savoury pancake that I quite admired, but couldn’t think of eating: too sweet. The last thing I checked was the meal for Rainbow Dash, the Spicy Mushrooms. I was pretty sure I said Mushrooms, not chicken wings. I quickly clammed the box and slid it over to Andrew, who took one sniff of the box and stuffed it under his chair before gearing the bus up and driving us away. At least he had the good grace not to eat it in front of the ponies. After the near calamity with AJ and the bacon, well...we’d been careful. I pulled out the meal I’d intended for Andrew and shuffled it into Rainbow’s waiting hooves. The box of rice and tangy sauce with cubes of goats cheese looked like it had just come out of the microwave, but it was good enough for the hungry Pegasus, and that was good enough for me.
I pushed all of the plastic wrappings into a hole in the Bus’s panelling before reoccupying my standing position in the front of the bus, looking over my touring guests as if I actually knew what I was doing as a tour guide. Andrew drove slowly, though, having learned about sensitive passengers. I smiled as I noted each pony thoroughly enjoying their meal – Pinkie was already finished – until I found Twilight right before me, holding the wrap I’d given her questioningly. “<-Um...Marc, did you plan to eat this one?->”
I didn’t know what to say, but my stomach sure did. One loud growl later and we both stood awkwardly, rather embarrassed. Twilight started to telekinetically fold the paper back up over the only slightly nibbled wrap. “<Oh, I’m so sorry! I thought you’d gotten something for all of us, and I...->”
I grabbed the wrap out of mid air, re-opened it at dropped it back into Twilight’s aura. “<-Nope! It was my mistake; you enjoy that bad boy, it’s got all sorts of yummy stuff just for you.->” God damnit, I sounded like Pinkie...
We stood in silence for a while, neither sure what the other was thinking, until Twilight glanced at the wrap, then at me, before holding it out again. “<-Wanna share?->”
What could I do? I grinned, “<-Yeah, sure thing.->”
If I’d taken a moment to consider the fact that I was sharing a salad wrap, bite for bite, with a pony Princess of untold magical power from a magical realm of rainbows (or something, I wasn’t sure anymore), then I probably would have been weirded out. The same would have come to pass if I focussed on the fact that I could once again feel Twilight’s relief on the edge of my perception.
As it stood, though, I was just sharing breakfast with a friend. Not that the joys of it could last long. Fully aware that it would have to come up eventually, I broke the contented silence and asked the question on everyone’s minds: “<-So, Twi, how do you plan on getting all of us into the museum, eh?->”
All eyes (except Andrew’s – he was pretty preoccupied) were drawn to Twilight as she tried to quickly suck up the lettuce escaping her last mouthful before awkwardly relying,”<-Uh...Girls, I never really...planned on any of us going into the museum...->”
I blinked. Brain, please process...”<-But you said you wanted to see the museum. How do you plan on getting into the museum if you aren’t going into the museum?->”
I wasn’t the only one confused: Although the rest of the ponies didn’t seem disappointed much – Applejack and Rainbow were vocally relieved – they were just as curious as I was. Twilight looked at me and carefully picked her words. This could not go well... “<-I don’t have to actually be there...If you let me be there with you.->”
Brain implosion.
Seeing my blank look, Twilight sighed and explained further, in English, this time, “It’s a simple signal spell, one that unicorns use quite often to learn spells from one another: When a unicorn wants to teach another unicorn a spell, they share the sensory data they go through to manipulate the leylines involved. In short, they let the other unicorn experience their senses. We’d be doing that, just on a deeper level. If you want to, you could...let me see through your eyes. Literally. And experience your other senses, too. Make sense?”
My first response of ‘HELL NO’ was cut off as the bus suddenly baked to a halt and Andrew spun to look at us. “Dude, that sounds so bloody cool! So, Twi, you’d be, like really in Marc’s head? Seeing everything, hearing everything, basically being Marc for a bit?”
Twilight snorted and raised an eyebrow at Andrew. “Shouldn’t you stick to driving? And no, I’d still be here to give you trouble. Marc, you’d basically be a really fancy camera. It would be like a really cool movie, just playing in my head.” She looked at me again, a small note of hope playing through her eyes, “<-So, Marc..uh...you game?->”
Okay, so I’d only this morning learned that Twilight and I shared this weird emotional link, backlash from her forcing her language into my head a few days ago. And now she was asking me if she could use senses to visit a museum. Of course there was only one logical response.
*****
“How the hell did this happen again?”
I looked up the front steps of the Cape Town Museum building and planetarium dome wondering how I had been convinced to do this. I looked back at the scruffy bus behind me in the street, already pulling away to park in a side street. I steadied myself as a strange feeling of detachment washed over me.
I heard Twilight’s thoughts as she experienced the same odd tremble. “I think there may be one or two small feedback problems, nothing major. You’re just feeling a little of what I’m doing, too, nothing to worry about. You’ll be fine”
“I feel drunk. And I can feel my ear twitching. I’m pretty sure humans don’t have muscles like that to twitch.”
“This will be fine. This will be great! Oh, I can’t wait to see how your people have set up! And that planetarium, do you think we’ll be allowed in? I would love to get a better understanding of how your planetary systems work!”
Right, that’s what convinced me to do this. I hadn’t seen that bubbly curiosity in Twilight save for the odd questions, but her excitement when I’d finally agreed...that made any discomfort worth bearing. That very thought strengthened my will, and started up the Victorian entryway of the old museum building.
I walked up to the admissions desk and smiled confidently at the secretary. “Hello, I’d like two admissions tickets, please.”
The lady glanced pointedly behind me before returning her gaze to my now much less confident grin. “Uh, I mean...one ticket, please.”
She nodded and stamped me out one admission ticket and accepted my money in return.
I pushed myself through the swinging doors and into the wonderfully quiet and dark museum. Just as I finally felt I’d escaped the embarrassment of my slip: “Did you just ask for two tickets? Really?”
Twilights amusement brought a fresh flush to my face. The most annoying thing was that it was really hard to hide how I felt when Twilight was basically in my head, feeling what I felt anyway. It also made everything we shared somehow far more potent.
For a second, I lost my control, and a small flash of annoyance escaped me. Suddenly, I knew precisely where Twi was, how she stood, what she felt. Twilight replied with confusion and remorse, then I with guilt and concern, then her with empathy...It took awhile for both of us to get the stream of emotion under control. When we did, and got it safely locked back in our own heads, I found myself standing tensely in the middle of the hall.
“Twilight?”
“...Yes?”
“What just happened?”
“I’m...not sure.”
“Have I been standing here for ten minutes?”
“Nearly fifteen.”
“Uh...so let’s not do that again. It was...weird. So where would you like to start?” I asked, moving forward, away from the strange emotional conversation we’d just had.
Twilight immediately replied, also more than willing to ignore the disconcerting experience, at least for now. “How about we start in the history section, and then move around to the biology section. Then we could go see the planetarium.”
I stepped up to the directory board and got a quick idea of where to go. I also read the times and shows available. I felt Twilight’s disappointment even as I explained, “Aw, sorry Twi, the Planetarium isn’t open today. But there’s a new exhibit in the African History section; we could start there?”
Twilight assented, though mostly because she was going to see everything eventually. She had made that much clear earlier.
It was pleasant actually. We...I spent ages meandering through the historical displays, reading the history of the various waves of immigrants, cultures and conflicts, all displayed in slightly moth-eaten old wax models in glass cases. The artefacts protected beneath their glass called me to learn their meaning, even though there was just so much to see. I always did enjoy history, and this place, though certainly in need of a good dusting, was full of it. And even as much as I was enjoying it, there was somepony enjoying it even more than me.
At every case, Twilight had questions. At every corner, she asked me stop and review. In every hall, she exclaimed in silent joy about the sheer strangeness of humanity.
She did find some parts distasteful, like the endless war stories, the weapons and hunting tools, and how so much of what humans did relied on the death of creatures around us. I tried my best to explain it to her, but she shrugged it off, saying that she understood. I know she didn’t really, but she did at least accept it, and that was good enough.
It was when we entered the marine hall that she finally gave out in shock. “Okay, that’s just disgusting...”
I looked up at the three whale skeletons suspended from the ceiling, hanging in their empty glory over the vast floor. I walked under the large bones, unable to suppress my awe at the magnitude of the creatures. Twilight, though, felt the opposite.
“Marc, does so much of your world revolve around harming the world that you find representations of the dead to be so gratifying?”
Her annoyance stung me slightly, and so I tried once more to illustrate it to her. I purposefully walked up the ramps that ran around the galleries, leading me to the second level, from where I could look into the three other halls that, alongside, the whale room, made up the biology section.
I pointed at the whales from the one gallery. “You see them, Twilight? Majestic peaceful creatures of the sea in life, and reminders of humanity’s error in death. But those aren’t even real bones, just casts, and if you read this plaque, you’ll see that all these whales died of natural causes. It’s not our nature to be so violent, but the nature of our world is less harmonious than that of yours.” I walked away from the gallery to a short hall filled with jaws of various sizes, some big enough for me to stand in, all lined with countless razor teeth. “Here are the remnants of the sea’s greatest killers. Sharks are amazing and terrifying, but deserving no less remembrance than the whales.” I walked through to another gallery, this one overlooking an immensely tall glass display full of dozens of smaller creatures of the sea. “And here are dozens of creatures, all smaller, some just as violent, some peaceful. And yet, they all deserve just as much thought as the giants that war against each other, because they all play a part in the incredibly delicate balance that makes up our world.”
I continued through the galleries, quieting as I made for my one last point of reference, noting Twilight’s silence as well. At last, I came out in the small palaeontology wing, walking among the hundreds of fossils, pointing a few out as I passed, “Each one of these creatures – this fish, this lizard, this little monkey – none of their kind are alive anymore, but that doesn’t mean they deserve any less care, because,” I walked boldly into the final hall, filled with the tall frames of two dinosaurs, one a predator, in position behind its skeletal prey, “Because they are all part of the balance that is our world, and are a part of what made us. They are gone, now, but they are here, because we will them to be, and in their presence, even though they are dead, we can imagine the glory they had in life.”
I turned and looked out the window overlooking the gardens beyond the skeletons. “I’m sure that all of this would mean the same to me as it seems to you if I wasn’t so aware that each and every life and death all of these things document are as equally important as the other, because they all served a purpose in the equilibrium that is our world.”
I sighed as I turned away, muttering, “That’s how I see it, anyway.”
First there was silence as I walked into the meteorology wing, but then, “You have quite the way with words, Marc. I think I can understand where you’re coming from. Maybe one day I can show you how our world works, too.”
I smiled thinly but made a reserved answer. “However wonderful that would be, lets remember our goal, here. But look, here’s as close as I can get you to the planetarium. Wanna have a look around?”
Twilight replied slowly, thoughtfully, “No...I think I can put it off for another time. Why don’t you come back to the bus; we’ll be outside in a minute. You’re not comfortable with this anymore, and I can respect that.” I felt her withdraw from my senses, leaving me my own person once again.
I wish I could say that I didn’t sigh in relief, but I did. I emerged from the building, the bright sun glaring for a moment, my movements sluggish, but strong. The fine motor control muscles of my extremities once again firmly under my control. Also, my mood nearly instantly improved from my almost gloomy feeling I’d had inside the museum. I looked back at the building, wondering what exactly had happened in there, but rather decided not to think about it too much. Instead, I trotted down to the bus and swung up into the entryway. The door was already opening as I did, making it a supremely smooth mounting, but the violet aura around the door was a little disconcerting, since people were watching me. Oh well.
The first thing I saw once I’d shut the door and turned around were a pyramid of expectant eyes looking up at me from the bus’s isle, the ponies just about standing upon each other, seconds from clamouring to sate their curiosity. I had to preempt them. “<-Whoa, ponies, I’m sure Twi and I can tell you all about it in a minute, but for now, how would you like to at least drive past that beach party? And then we can drive around Chapman’s peak, show you ponies a real view, yeh?->”
Pinkie gasped and shot a foot in the air ploughed straight into the back of Andrew’s chair, and the rest acted similarly, all except Applejack. She stood still for a moment, looking at me almost piercingly, before smiling and glancing back at Twilight, standing right behind her. Then AJ trotted over to her seat, leaving me to talk to Twi somewhat awkwardly.
“Hey, I’m sorry for how I acted up in there, I guess things jus...-“
“Thank you.”
I looked at her in surprise, wondering where that came from, and luckily I didn’t have to wait as she smiled and continued, “Thank you, firstly, for allowing me try that trick out, and secondly for being honest about your views. It’s always refreshing to see a new point of view, and since I am the foreign party, I should try to understand it. I think I learned a lot, and I’m glad we went through with it. And for what it’s worth, “She added, “I’m sorry for not accepting it to begin with. So, no hard feelings?”
Well now, I’d just spent the last, what, few hours (wow, that long?)with my senses being hijacked by this girl, so: “Of course not! Actually, I think it was rather fun. Still, maybe next time we try something like brain-jacking, we should at least do something really cool with it. There’s so much more to see around here. Like the beach! Andrew, take us to that beach party, will ya? Just drive around the coast until we reach Chapman’s, then we can make for home. I’m getting hungry again.”
“You got it boss!” Andrew shouted and floored the accelerator. The bus began crawling along.
I turned and bumped Twilight over to a bench seat. “<-C’mon Twi, I’ve been standing for ages, I need to sit down for a bit.->”
She happily leapt up and make space for me to sit beside her, and I sighed contentedly as I did so. I closed my eyes as stretched, yawning as I did so, and threw my arms and neck over the back of the seat, staring up at the bus’s roof.
Only, it wasn’t the roof I was looking at.
It was a pair pink-framed baby-blue eyes. “<-So wht’cha see, Marcy?->”
“Gah!” Ileapt out from under those eyes, only to find myself surrounded by the rest of the ponies. I blinked at them all. “<-What do you lot want?->”
Rainbow Dash flared her wings and shouted out, “<-Well, tell us what happened in the museum!->”
I raised a brow at her. “<-I thought you were trying to avoid the museum like the plague, RD?->”
She sat back down with a grumble, folding her forelegs. “Well, you should’a seen Twilight’s face when you went in there! Of course I’m curious, now...->”
I glanced at Twilight, surprised, then smirked, “<-Well, Twilight? Do you wish to serenade your friends with the tale of MY excursion into the depths of history?->”
Twilight giggled and thumped me with a hoof, but assented nonetheless. Andrew sat humming a tune to himself, somehow perfectly happy with being excluded, while Twilight and I told a much edited version of our shared experience within the museum. I even managed to turn quite a lot of it into a running gag, though I never did find out why it was funny.
Our tale lasted as long as it took Andrew to manoeuvre our plodding vehicle down to the Beachfront. The second we turned out onto the beach road, five snouts were plastered against the opposite glass and my last words died in my throat. Even Rarity shrugged off her mannerisms and gasped at the display all along the shore. Tourists, vendors and artists all gathered for miles along the bright coastline. The Atlantic seemed to be in a playful mood, the choppy waves casting glittering light upon the admiring ponies pressed as close to the sights as they could get. And beside me, Twilight sat a little taller, seeing it all with equal wonder.
I cocked a brow at her questioningly. “<-What? You ponies never seen an ocean before?->”
She glanced at me before looking over her friends again, and said, “<-Not like this, Marc, this is just beautiful. And all the people...It does look like quite the party.->”
I grinned at that. “<-Oh, Twi, this isn’t the party.-> Andrew, get us to Hout Bay, pronto!”
*****
It was all I could do to keep Pinkie in the bus. Outside, the crowds were already gearing up for a long night on the green and beach itself. Games were set up, and beer tents, as the bars would not be able to keep up with the sheer number of revellers. I was having enough trouble with one pink pony. She had found the bus’s Plexiglas skylight and was gamely trying to force her head through it to get a good look outside, but the weight of myself and Applejack was keeping her down.
Rainbow Dash stood up front again, alongside Rarity, the two of them gasping at the bright cars and people lining the road. Fluttershy gazed longingly at the wheeling gulls over the water, and Twilight was nearly spinning as she tried to take it all in. I nearly lost my grip on Pinkie from laughing at all of them.
Andrew was having an equally good time. He was gasping every few seconds and pointing out a new vehicle for everyone’s attention and regaling the uncomprehending ponies with tales they were all too happy to listen to. When I finally managed to get Pinkie down, I collapsed next to AJ, who gave me a bemused smile, saying, “<-Marc, Ah have no idea where you humans get all these crazy ideas, but Ah’ll say one thin’: THIS looks like a party!->” She whacked a hoof on my head before skidding off to join the gawking.
In mere minutes, though, we’d passed through Hout Bay and the party being held there. That didn't stop the gawking, though, as we drove on to the scenic route around the rocky spur that jutted out from the bulky mountain behind us. Chapman’s Peak Drive was one of the prettiest drives in the country, and even though the toll was, well, phenomenally high, it was worth it. As we drove up into the curve of the road, the ocean spread out before us, wide and glittering. Rainbow Dash stood against the windshield, her wings spreading reflexively at the sight of the world rushing by us, and all the rest simply looked out over the beautiful afternoon sea.
I sat next to Twilight again to enjoy the view and company, and Twilight turned to look at me with sparkly eyes. “Marc, I really can’t thank you enough for this. This is just...spectacular. And I’m sure there are so many more things to see...”
I smiled and nudged her on the shoulder. “Heck yeah there is! Andrew can phone the guy and get us the bus for a few more days, and we can show you everything! It’ll be just like the holiday I planned on having after all.”
Twilight stopped smiling. She looked at me, a strange mix of emotions in her eyes. Everything shone through those eyes. “Well, um...you see, I think I may have enough energy to...take us home, now.”
She must have seen my face fall, no matter how I tried to hide it. “Not right now!” She babbled, “But maybe tomorrow or the next day. This expedition has strengthened all of us, and if it really is the bond of friendship that fuels my magic, then I think you’ve strengthened us even more.”
Her conciliatory words met with mixed results. For half a second I wished I’d remained an ass, but I buried that and smiled anyway. “Well, it was fun, wern’ it?”
We lapsed into awkward silence, neither expressing them, but both well aware of the other’s terse emotions, and neither sure what they meant.
*****
The drive up the scenic route and back was calming after what had turned into a very stressful morning, and the drive back was full of commentary on all we had seen. I told Andrew to drive the high road back to Cape Town proper to avoid the beachfront areas and get us home quicker. I was getting hungry, and so were a few ponies. I mean, Rainbow Dash was practically chewing at the vinyl, here. And anyway, I didn’t exactly feel like extending the tour now...
Luckily, we arrived back at the apartment building just past mid-afternoon. The sight of that tall white building was oh so inviting; I couldn't wait to crack open a cold one with my mate and enjoy a little last conversation with strange alien equines.
As Andrew pulled up to the fourth floor entrance after navigating the parking lot, I walked up to the bus door and spoke out, “<-Okay, I’m just going to make sure the path is all clear and pretty, then I’ll come back for you ponies.-> Andrew, Once got the ponies inside in a minute, you can take the bus back to the guy you got it from, yeh? Good.” I didn’t wait for a response, a little wrapped in my thoughts.
So that was it. Tomorrow or the next day, the main six would be leaving our care and returning home, no harm done, one more story for the campfires. And I’d be stuck with a little collateral, but that was small fry, and then after I’d go home to my rich and comfortable life and just move along? It boggled the mind... I swiped the tag to enter the building, then again at the apartment door, running through the motions. I opened the door and stepped inside.
Well, that’s it. My brain’s dead. Put me on a respirator and use me for medical research. One thing I’ll be good at...
“Well, you little shit? You want to explain what you did to my fucking apartment?!”
Oh, right. My uncle. The reason my brain wasn't processing was standing there in the middle of the apartment, surrounded by evidence of my misconduct: Hoof-marks printed into the expensive couches, cups, plates and bowls scattered about, some broken, some still dirty. The fruit cart, with its remaining produce starting to turn. Broken tiles across the floor from Twilight’s early rages.
Yep, I knew I should have asked her to fix that...
“Well, you little prick? You gonna say anything?”
...Brain...please...say something...
“...”
“Gah, you’re just as useless as your father!” he stormed up to me, aggressively grabbing my collar and pulling me forward. He wasn’t a large man, or strong, but rage is a great source of energy. He yanked me off balance, forcing me to look at every little bad detail, every piece of evidence against me. He pulled my head to his own mouth, sneering into my ear. “You thought you could come here and do this shit without repercussions? Are you that stupid?! The front desk called me, told me what you were doing.”
Oh no...
He noticed my look of fear, and smiled victoriously, “Hah! So you thought you could invite your prostitutes and your fun into MY house? From what the neighbours said, you must have had had half a dozen girls in here round the clock! And this,” He shoved me over to the couch, pointing at the hoof-prints, “I don’t even want to ask what kind of fetishist creeps you boys are now! Oh, you’re gonna pay for this boy, you are gonna pay...”
Well, looks like I was out of luck. Still, it was kind of funny that he thought that the ponies were pros-
The Girls!
I threw my mind out as far as I could. It felt like like I was bending reality, moving myself to fill more and more space. I ignored the sudden nausea and reached for her familiar touch, that feeling of another mind so close to mine, yet so far. But she was there.
Twilight! You need to run! Get andrew to drive, drive for Sarah’s place, get out of here!
I felt her shock. I felt fear and confusion, too, and realized I’d overwhelmed her a bit. I pulled back, ignoring myself and focussing on her. Them. Their safety. She gathered herself briefly before answering me: “Marc, what is going on? calm down...”
No! I threw it at her again, forcing her to listen. You guys need to leave, I’ll handle it-
I didn’t get any further, as I suddenly found my face becoming rather closely acquainted with my uncle’s golden rings.
They would have looked better at a distance.
“Marc!”
I heard Twilight’s mental shriek, but couldn’t answer her, for she was all around me. She was in my head again, more so than ever before. She looked up with my eyes, and I saw my uncle standing over me, grimacing. Twilight heard him say, “I hope that teaches you a little lesson you piece of shit-”
Twilight kicked out my leg, catching my uncle in the shin. The man fell over, a string of expletives strong enough to melt lead trailing from his mouth.
Twilight looked at the door and tried to scramble her way there on all fours. In an effort to avoid further injury, I gave her a hand, picking myself up and dashing through the door as if bullets were chasing me. Those loud bangs sounded suspiciously familiar. I looked back as I ran down the hall, Seeing three little round holes in the wall opposite the doorway.
...Okay, is it just me, or is that guy being a little psychotic about this?
“You don’t say?! Marc, what happened, why is your uncle trying to kill you?!”
Oh right, Twilight was in my head. Wait, how did she know who he - right, in my head.
Can we just get out of here?!
Twilight held her questions, and we agreed silently to exit the building as fast as possible. I stumbled once or twice, Twilight sending messages to my body that conflicted with my own, but I overruled her instincts and pushed on anyway. Any damage to property I caused seemed a little less important than the probable damage to my life at that particular moment.
Legs, move faster!
I was so focused on berating my poor limbs that I didn't notice the corner coming up. Light shone around it, promising freedom through the door at the end of the hall. I skidded to, swinging around the corner so fast that I didn't have time to slow down before crashing into the security guard.
The man just stood there for a moment, shocked, but I gasped in relief and babbled, “Oh thank god, sir, you gotta help me, my uncle’s trying to shoot me, and-”
“Stop that boy!” The loud bellow echoed down the hall, and I felt a the iron hard grip of the guard's hands on my wrists.
Of course my uncle had to have bribed the security team. Just fucking perfect..
Twilight didn't even deign that worth a response, but I felt her anyway. She moved my arms, my shoulders. She twisted my spine, shifted my footing, and I felt her intention burning from her mind to my own. And I went with it.
I don’t know how much subtlety she planned on using, but I ended up kicking that guard in the crotch and spinning him into a wall. And god did it hurt. The man didn’t let go easily, and I felt my shoulder pop just before I finally shook him off my wrist. And nearly fell towards the door, gritting my teeth in pain. I fumbled for my keytag in desperation, my one good hand rifling around until the little silver tag finally found its way to the keypad. And freedom.
“Access, Denied”
“Oh, come on!” I shouted at the stupid automated lock. I slumped there, trying again and again, but always to the same response. I dully realized that my uncle had told the front desk to deactivate my tag the moment I entered the building. I just kept swiping it, hoping, as I watched the guard stand and, with an angry scowl, reach for his taser.
Oh lord I don't want to get tazed oh lord I don't want to get tazed oh lord I don't want to get tazed...
I saw the charge in the taser go off. I heard an appropriate zapping sound. I saw a white light, and gravity seemed to stop working.
And suddenly I was staring at cheap leatherette rushing into my face. I bounced off the poorly padded seat into the isle of the bus, and was hit with a massive wave of nausea. I felt comforting hooves on my back, heard questions asked in high voices, but didn't respond. I felt numb to the core. I just knew Twilight wasn't there anymore. I heard her voice calling out, but after I had just had reality ripped apart around me, I wanted, no, needed to feel her, the only constant through that lurch through matter that I could cling to.
So yeah, teleporting is NOT fun
“Andrew! get this bus moving, now!” Twilight shouted over me, before settling next me, nuzzling my cheek, trying to wake my up fully.
Andrew cranked the key and floored it. The bus roared to life, then sputtered. The engine cranked over twice before dying completely. Andrew stared at the wheel; “...shit.”
“Andrew? Andrew!” Twilight questioned, getting desperate. Pinkie squealed and ducked as three more loud shots cracked out, and I heard the sound of tinkling glass.
A growl nearby cut through the whirlwind of motion about me. “<-Oh no you don't, you sorry excuse for a horseapple...!->” Rainbow Dash spread her wings and pulled them down hard, blasting out of the bus. I heard the sound of Applejack’s teeth snapping shut just a moment too late.
Rarity pulled me up onto a bench and laid me up in a sitting position, fretting worriedly as Fluttershy laid a hoof to my chest and head. She turned and gave a sharp nod to Twilight, who turned back to the entrance of the building, visible through the broken windows of the bus. I raised my head slightly, peeking over the sill, just in time to see Rainbow Dash deliver the mother of all bucks to my uncle’s face.
One point to team Pony.
Rainbow’s anger was reigned in, however by Applejack’s admonishments. She soared wide, avoiding a taser shot fired by the security guard and barrel rolled through the broken window, crash-landing on the seat next to mine, breathing hard, and grinning like a loon.
Twilight had her horn against the floor, its glow penetrating the hardwood planks. About two-thirds of the way back, she stopped and and began pulsing magic into the engine bay directly below her, trying to fix whatever was broken with Andrew’s bus. I looked over the sill again. My uncle was down, but the guard was reaching for his own pistol.
“<-Uh, Twi? Now would be a really go time ta get a move on!->” AJ called out tremulously. Twilight ignored her, but her violet aura pulsed faster and faster through the floorboards, and I started to smell smoke. AJ was getting equally agitated, looking back and forth between Twilight and Andrew, who was still vainly twisting the key back and forth. “Aww, buck it!” She shouted, and sprinted along the bus, knocking Twilight out of the way and, aptly, bucking the floor so hard that the timbers split under her hooves. The engine roared into life.
AJ sighed and chuckled, leaning tiredly against the bench nearest her. With a moment’s pause, Twilight nuzzled the Earth Pony before shouting to Andrew, “Get moving!”
Andrew complied with a vengeance, but it wasn't enough. With mounting fear, I saw the guard draw his pistol, rack it and squeeze the trigger.
Gunshots are awesome if you see them from the right side of the muzzle, but I was definitely not enjoying this. Time slowed as adrenaline again surged through me. I saw the bang and I swear I watched the bullet getting closer to us by the second. It slowed the closer it got to my face, till it stopped an inch from my nose. My eyes traced back up its path to see the shock and fear spread across the guard’s face as his gun suddenly disassembled in his hands, leaving him holding the frame, with the other innumerable components orbiting him in a glowing blue aura.
I stared at Rarity as she panted softly beside me, grinning at the terrified guard. She stood up tall and called out, “<-Better luck next time, you miscreant!->” before flopping down on the seat beside mine and promptly fainting. The guard slid to his knees as the floating parts of his pistol clattered to the floor.
Ponies WIN!
Andrew got the bus rolling at a decent pace, and I waved cheerily out of the window at the disbelieving security guard and my catatonic uncle, giddy with adrenaline and success.
Then I passed out.
*****
“Marc?”
buzz off, ‘m sleepyy...
“Marc, please, just wake up, tell us you’re okay.”
‘m fine, jus’ dozyy...
“Come on. Up!”
“Ooph!” I keeled off the bench and sprawled in the isle rubbing my ribs where a distinctly hoof-shaped bruise was likely to appear. I looked around at the circle of concerned faces around me. “<-What?->”
The yellow and pink head to my left nudged my side with her nose cautiously. “<-Are...are you sure you’re not hurt anywhere else? I tried to find any injuries, but you’re so...different to ponies and...->”
“It’s okay, sugarcube,” I swung my head over to look at hat-pony, “ He’ll be right as rain once we get some food inna ‘im, right Twilight? Twi?”
Twilight
I sat up quickly, hauling myself up a surprised Rainbow Dash - her mane looked like a toothbrush, but anyway - and cast about for Twilight. It took a moment for my fuzzy mind to find her, but a glowing alicorn isn’t hard to spot. She was standing in the middle of the bus, standing straight up, her horn radiating light throughout the vehicle, Her eyes screwed up in concentration.
I frowned, battling with my motor controls. In my fuzzy state, all I knew was that Twilight was struggling, and I wanted to help her. If I couldn't reach out to her physically, I’d reach her...that other way.
Twilight?
Her eyes opened, and she smiled at me. I could feel, though, her roiling emotions: Worry, relief, guilt, and a little fear. Fear for me. It warmed me just knowing that she cared, but I could see she was struggling with something. I reached out with my own feelings, offering to share, willing the exchange.
Twilight denied me that, though. Instead, she stepped down from her spell, which seemed to remain on its own, and walked over to me. She nudged me as Fluttershy had, pushing me up. I sat against the bench, regarding her curiously. She sat next to me, monitoring her spell as it continued to beat pulse gently to a beat I couldn’t hear.
Then she looked at me...almost. She couldn’t quite meet my eyes as she whispered, “Marc, I’m sorry...I lost control back there. I shouldn’t have...”
“Oh hush you,” I cooed, grabbing her in a tremendous hug with an admittedly goofy look on my face. Yeah, I was still fuzzy, okay? “You saved my ass! You were all like, bam, kick, flip!” I couldn't help but frown at the next memory, “The weird swirly sucking-me-through-space-thing I could've done without, but you still got me out alive, so...” I gave her great big kiss on the cheek.
Yeah. You should see me when I’m drunk.
Twilight froze, stock still, and asked calmly, “<-Marc, what are you doing and why aren’t you acting normally?->”
“...Eh?” I blinked a few times, settling my brain into normal mode. Of course, that’s when I noticed precisely where I was...
Oh god I’m wrapped around Twilight see looks pissed why is there a wet patch on her cheek and why do I taste lavender...yep, I’m doomed.
Twilight leaned away from me, but didn’t pull out of the embrace just yet. Instead, she gave me an unsure smile. “<-Well, okay then. Are you going to be okay with Fluttershy, now? You were thrashing a bit earlier.->”
Really?. Great...I turned to Fluttershy. “<-I’m so sorry, ‘Shy, I didn’t hurt you, did I?->”
That sweet mare just shook her head with a smile, despite the the bruise clearly spreading under the pale fur of her neck. I felt awful, and she just kept smiling sympathetically. I couldn’t stop looking until I felt Twilight shifting in my arms. I swung back to watch her pull herself free and resume her position under the heart of her unexplained spell. She resumed pumping power into the ethereal mass.
Twi noticed my questioning look. “<-I’m keeping an illusion over the bus. I didn’t know which vehicles out there to copy, but Andrew said those red buses would be inconspicuous, so I copied...one of their shapes. The spell will collapse soon, though, I don’t have much energy left.->”
Unexplained spell no longer, but now I had another cause to worry: “<-Twilight, I saw Rainbow flying. And AJ bucked the bus into starting. And Rarity - ohmygod Rarity that was so cool - But that all took magic, didn’t it? Magic you had to provide?->”
Twilight simply nodded as the full repercussions hit me. I gasped. “And the Teleport, too. and that mind-meld thing. Gees, Twi, how much did that take out of you?”
She was about to reply when her horn's glow began flickering. She glanced at it, then smiled thinly at me. “<-Well...Just about everything, now.->”
She’d had enough energy to take them all home. She could have, back in the parking lot. She should have, too. But instead, she saved me.
Well, now I felt like an ass...
She didn’t even let me apologize. She waved a hoof at me to cut me off. “<-And don’t even think of saying sorry. After all you two have done for us, we could never leave you like that. We’re happy to spend a few more days if that what it takes to make sure you’re safe.->”
With my brain finally functioning correctly, I was processing the full implications of the evening’s surprises, and it wasn’t looking good. In fact, this could be really, really bad.
I struggled up in the lurching vehicle and stumbled along towards Andrew, gesturing for Twilight to follow. When the other girls started coming along, I shook my head, “<-Sorry ladies, this conversation is going to be in English.->”
I turned away from the chorus of ‘aws’ and trudged up to Andrew’s side, noticing that the poor guy still looked a bit shell-shocked. I couldn't blame him: we’d just seen something of the dark underbelly of this city I hadn't even known about.
“Hey, mate, you okay?” I clapped a hand to his shoulder. The poor sod nearly went through the roof. I smiled and kept him in his seat long enough for him to realize it was only me. I sat on the dashboard and crossed my arms. Twilight sat in front of me while Andrew sat in the driver’s seat to me left. An appropriate arrangement for a very serious discussion. I nodded to them, beginning the only way I could.
“I’m sorry, guys.”
I looked from Twilight to Andrew and back, trying to impress upon them my regret.
“I didn't know my uncle was such a dangerous temper, or into bad business, and I should made sure he was... from the better side of the family, and for that I apologize.”
Twilight clearly had no idea what I was talking about, but Andrew caught on fast. He immediately asked; “He’s Black Market, ain’t he?”
What could I say? I didn't really know, but if he was carrying around a gun in a civil building, and so willing to use it without fear? Plus he had the security force there on his side...”Yes, I’m pretty sure he is. I knew some of the Family weren't playing straight like my father, but I had no idea...NO idea, my uncle was ever into...this.” My own anger built towards the end, and I punched the dash vainly. I sighed, then looked back up.
“Twilight, you should have taken taken my advice. You should have run. I would have been fine eventually. But now, we may have everyone as high as the police on the lookout for us. But throwing that shield over us was a great idea, you probably saved our lives...again.”
Twilight nodded. “Actually, that was Andrew’s idea. He caught on quickly, and told me that the authorities may be trying to follow us. Now that they know there are Equestrians in your world, they won’t rest easy, I’m sure.”
Hmm, that was a good point too. Kinda hard to deny them being here with Rainbow Dash’s hoof-marks decorating my uncles face. And a spontaneously disassembled firearm. Well, at least bureaucracy would slow down the acceptance of the strange information, but if they looked hard enough, the other sightings from the day before would seal this deal real quick.
I looked down and frowned, mumbling, “We really fucked this up, now...”
No time to think back, though, I had to move on. “Well, Andrew, good thinking. We can’t risk anything now. Twilight, I should apologize for something else: Our one and only goal should always have been to get you girls home as fast as possible, not showing you around or hiding indoors. From here on in, it’s my one mission to get you where you need to be a safely as I can, no matter my personal feeling in the matter.”
Twilight’s head shot up, but I muscled through on volume alone. “The only course of action is to go to the only other person who knows you girls are here. Andrew,” I punched his shoulder, “Sarah’s address, Hout Bay, the Wildlife Sanctuary. Go.”
Andrew kicked the accelerator and tore through the city, headed for our last hope of salvation.
*****
It was a bloody manor.
I wish I was joking, but I’m not. It was a huge house, three voluminous stories tall, and no matter how much it needed repairs, the small holding it was planted was far superior to my uncle’s little apartment. And she gave US the ponies...why?!
Whatever, we needed help, and she had offered - I think - to take us in if our side went bad, which it catastrophically had. And so I walked up to the wooden door, swallowed my nerves, and knocked gently.
I'd forgotten what she’d looked like, actually. In the craziness of the last few days, I hadn’t had time to think back on the beautiful girl I’d met under shady circumstances only a few days ago. It felt more like three months...I couldn’t help but stare for a second - at a human female - as she stared back unbelieving. Then she broke out into a relieved smile. I wonder why?
‘Oh, hello Marc! I was wondering if I’d hear from you again, So the ponies went back to Equestria?”
Oh. Thats what she thought. I scratched the back of my neck and chuckled nervously. “Well...not exactly...” Seeing her face turn from pleasant welcoming to abject shock was disconcerting, and I tried to follow up with something to soften the blow, “But not to worry!” We’re. uh...working on it?”
Damn brain.
She gulped. “Where...where are they...?”
Oh, she was okay with it. I turned and pointed at the bus behind us, just as Twilight’s illusion spell gave way to reveal Pinkie Pie waving ecstatically out the window.
Thump
I turned back with a disarming smile just in time to see her hit the deck, out cold. Damn. Shoulda seen that coming. I sighed gustily, a little past caring after the day I’d had. I leaned inside and shouted to anyone else in the house, but got no reply. Probably out shopping or something. Then I saw, hanging in plain sight, a key. A key with a tag inscribed ‘Guest House.’ Score! I snapped up the key, and hauled Sarah into a sitting position. Hm, couldn’t leave her lying in the middle of the floor, and I’d probably want to talk to her later. I picked her up as gently as I could, trying not to think of her as heavy - oh god she was - as I walked back down the long drive toward the bus of craziness that seemed more inviting and just more normal than the world I’d had to live in the last few hours.
My head was still messed up. I needed to lay down and sleep for a while, really sleep it all off. I looked around blearily, and spotted the smaller building off in the trees down a separate drive. I waved Andrew down the side road and stumped over to the guest house through the garden. I arrived at the same time the bus did, and gestured for its occupants to get out: the house was surrounded by tall bushes and pine trees, so there was no reason to keep the ponies hidden. For the first time this week, the main six were outside.
Rainbow Dash stretched pretty majestically, and AJ’s sprinted circles around the bus were entertaining, but the others stole the show here: Fluttershy found her way immediately into a tree full of birds, Rarity stretched in a way that would get a pastor going, and Pinkie Pie...Pinkie Pie was doing gymnastics. Litteral flips, twists and somersaults. I avoided the careening Pink mass of energy and shoved the key into the house’s door, pulling it open. I laid Sarah in a convenient hall chair before going back to the bus to see what was keeping Andrew and Twi.
Andrew was at least easy to spot: He was lying against the front tire of the bus, grinning in psychotic relief at the gyrating ponies in the driveway. I patted him on shoulder as I stood beside him. “So, dude, you okay after that shit?”
He nodded, giggling helplessly. “Yeah, mate, I’m...I’m okay. This just wasn't what I expected of our Cape Town Getaway, y’know? And the weirdest part is...I’m happy its like this.”
He laughed again at my quirked eyebrow, saying, “Yeah, I know, crazy, right? But seriously, aside from the getting shot at and now probably being on the run from the law...Its been better than I could have hoped for. Your uncle’s still a dodgy tool, though.”
I chuckled at that. Andrew was right on all counts: Hell, ponies were trotting about in front of me, and their happy faces made even the getting shot at seem worth it to me. And yes, my uncle was a tool. But I didn't care. “Hey, mate, you know where Twi went?” I asked. He pointed up the framework ladder welded into the bus’s side. I thanked him and climbed on up.
Twilight sat at the other end of the bus’s roof, her wings spread halfway as she watched the sun going down through trees. I could see her clearly in profile, her silhouette perfect and regal. I walked up to her side and sat a few feet to her left, throwing glances her way. She just smiled at me, her conflicted emotions rampant through our unwilled link. I saw her toying with a gold-and-silver necklace with its sigil. I took my own out of my pocket, my little piece of history. But Twilight's was her last connection to her mentor, her world. Here she was, supporting and fueling her friend’s play below, while she sat here alone, and I saw her for the first time to be exhausted.
Fuck it, she was my friend now, too, and if she could draw strength from me, then she could take as much as she needed. I owed her that much. I slid in next to her, giving her a gentle hug as she watched the sunset, and I realized, no matter how long I ever looked at her, I’d never see her clearer than I did at that moment.
I’m beginning to think that the universe is having a game with me, seeing how many ways it can possibly weird me out within the first ten seconds of waking up. This for instance. Seriously, how the hell did I wake up with a mouthful of purple feathers?! At least Twilight looked amused with the situation, though it took me a moment to put the pieces together.
“Uh...Marc?”
I spluttered out the fine down before grinning lopsidedly. “Oh hiya Twi! What’s up?”
She gave me a deadpan look. “You do know you’re using me as a blanket?”
Now this wasn’t awkward at all. Firstly where was I, aside from under Twilights impressively cozy limb?. “Uh...when did we fall asleep, exactly?”
She shook her head with an amused snort. “Not we, YOU. I’ve been lying here for about two hours waiting for you to get up!”
I looked up at the moonlit sky and felt the damp on my clothes. Feeling the hard aluminium under me, I realized we were still on the roof of the bus. “Oh jeez, we never went inside? You know, Twi, you coulda just woken me up, or dragged my lazy ass to the house...” I chuckled. I felt nervous for some reason, but I ignored it.
Twilight was giving me those eyes again. “Well, you looked happy enough, and I wanted to watch the moonrise. Plus,” She raised the wing that had previously been snuggled warmly over my chest up for my inspection, bearing a damp and slightly ruffled semicircular indentation in its leading edge feathers that looked disturbingly like teeth marks, “I couldn’t exactly pull away and risk my wing being chomped. Your teeth are really sharp by the way.”
“Harr harr harr, Twi, “I pantomimed, before amending, “Actually, I’ll take that as a compliment, because omnivore over here. Hey, d’you know if Sarah woke up yet?” I was really looking forward to seeing her face when she saw all of the ponies again for the first time-
“Yes, she woke up a few minutes ago.”
Oh. Damn.
I fell back onto the metal roof, moaning, “Aww, damn, I was really looking forward to that! You should have woken me up after all.”
Then Twi did something strange. She winked at me, twisting her neck over till her eyes were a few inches from mine. “Who’s to say I didn’t?” She only chuckled at my gawking for a few seconds before standing and nudging me up too. “Come on, you haven’t missed the best part yet, we can catch it if we hurry.”
Can’t say I reacted with much grace. Only so many lights you can shine on “Hubbawhaa...?”, though all pretense to dignity was lost when Twilight pretty much dragged me to the ladder.
I salvaged my self-respect by sliding down the ladder to the ground in quite the awesome fashion, but yet again, Twilight trumped me. There is no real way I could top her ethereal, graceful swoop from the roof, down to the ground, her perfect arc trailing a faint magenta aura that shone her majesty across the yard in the faintest of lights, for my eye alone.
You know, I didn’t feel outshone, so much as happy I’d been able to watch her. All I could do was stare for a few moments as she glided to a ghostly alightment in the driveway, barely disturbing the leaves upon the ground. She clearly thought nothing of it until she noticed my gaze. Then she blushed. Oh lord, she’s going to kill me by cuteness alone, I thought, but immediately revised merely ‘cute’ to ‘beautiful’. Can I call an otherworldly equine ‘beautiful’?
Screw it, If you’d seen her just then, you’d understand. I just grinned at her a moment longer before walking towards her, which conveniently was also towards the front door of the guest house, in which Sarah was probably having a hilarious panic attack that I was missing out on. Two birds with one stone.
Ha ha, Brain. Ha ha.
Twilight gave me an odd look, reminding me that she was probably privy to that little internal joke, but I tried to brush it off by pointing at the house. “Do we really want to be out here right now, when we could be in there? I don’t want to miss the show.”
Twilight was still looking at me piercingly. “You’re blushing.” She stated flatly.
I was about to deny this with a manly squeak when a much higher voice was heard. Twilight and I both spun to the guest house as the wail tapered to its end in our ears.
One look passed between us, and then we were both through the door as fast as our legs could manage. Twilight took the lead (because overpowered alicorn demigod, of course) and I trailed inches behind her flying tail. Twilight wavered slightly in the unfamiliar building, before rushing into what appeared to be a fancily done-up lounge or reception. I couldn’t care less about the decor at the time, though, because my attention was solely occupied by Andrew running about with Pinkie latched firmly around his head, gibbering like an astounded ape. As Andrew spun about, I saw the reason for Pinkie’s behaviour...other than Pinkie being Pinkie, this time. Flopping about, loosely pinned into the skin of her midsection, was a short crossbow bolt.
Someone tried to shoot Pinkie Pie.
Unforgivable!
My eyes scanned the room in righteous fury, noting every pony, Applejack and Rainbow Dash included, glowering from safe positions as far away from the back corner as possible. I saw the empty bracket above the fireplace, meant to hold a decorative piece, and I saw Sarah hunched in a corner, a look of shock plastered across her pretty face, the ornamental crossbow clutched in her hands like her last shred of reality.
Maybe forgivable. Maybe.
“Sarah, put down the damned crossbow, you’ve already pulled of your one shot,” I grimaced, “At Pinkie Pie.”
Twilight was busy trying to extricate Andrew’s head from Pinkie’s crushing grip, but seemed to be having no luck. Taking a page from Applejack’s book, I swept past my dancing loon of a friend and gave Pinkie’s tail a sharp tug. The mare went rigid with an ‘eep’ and fell off of Andrew’s face, leaving the poor guy gasping for air while Twilight took the opportunity to nip in and remove the offending bolt from Pinkie’s skin. Pinkie flinched slightly, rubbing her affected side. The ‘injury’ wasn’t even bleeding. Twilight stood there, looking at the bolt in her mouth curiously, before spitting it onto a table and pulling Pinkie to her hooves. Fluttershy rushed over, nosing Pinkie’s side with a concerned whisper; “Oh my, Pinkie, are you okay?”
Pinkie looked at the bolt on the table, then at Sarah and I. She whispered back to Fluttershy, “I’m fine, just got startled is all.” before turning to Sarah. With an agitated bounce, she exclaimed, “What’d you do that for, Sarah? I was just bringing you a bowl of tea, and you threw a wasp at me!”
I tried not to smile at that as I moved towards Sarah. She looked distinctly like a deer in the headlights, but at least she didn’t move as I relieved her of her of her weapon and sat her up straight against the wall. I got her full attention with a few snaps of my fingers before her eyes, saying, “Hey, Sarah. Sarah, come on, why the hell you freaking out like this? You know about the ponies, you shouldn’t be trying to shoot them!”
Her eyes focussed on me for a second, before darting to Pinkie, who was still ruefully rubbing her side. Sarah gasped, “Oh gosh, Pinkie I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
“Yeah yeah,” I cut her off. That could wait til later, “Next time don’t grab a crossbow and wave it about. We’re lucky Pinkie just got ‘stung’ by that little bolt. Lucky that crossbow followed the string so badly. Come on, calm down, I’ll get you some water, and you’ll be fine-”
“Water will not explain to my friend’s parents why six mind-bending aliens have broken into their guest house! Or why there’s bloody party bus parked outside! Or why YOU are here, you...”
She trailed off as tears seeped from her eyes. I stood back, hands still on her shoulders, as I cast a glance back at Andrew, Twilight and her friends. The ponies all looked very uncomfortable. Andrew looked really confused. Probably still suffering from oxygen deprivation.
I turned back to Sarah. “Jeez, girl, what they do to get you so worked up? Trust me, they won’t hurt you-”
“Ha!” She barked at me, “As if you would know what they did! And I’m quite sure they’d do it again.”
Okay. Explanations needed here. “What did they do to you, Sarah?” I asked quietly.
“Would you like to hear the list alphabetically or chronologically?!” She snarked.
I frowned. “Chronologically would be nice.”
That threw her. “That was rhetorical, you know.” I just shrugged. She sighed and thought for a second before beginning. “Fine. I'm walking through the forest on a gorgeous sunny day when all of a sudden, Rainbow Dash bucks me one, Applejack and Pinkie pin me, Rarity chucks a pine-cone, Fluttershy pokes me on the nose, and Twilight rifled through all of my memories before finally realizing I have an active thought process and deeming me fit to talk to. After that, they hijacked my life and made me run away from home. I then spent a few days being harried by Twilight with questions about EVERYTHING until she just stopped and took the answers she wanted. And trying to provide for six ponies was difficult, especially with Rarities tastes and Applejack's insistence on apples. So yeah, I’m not exactly a ‘pegasister’ any more, okay? I watched an episode with my friend and had nightmares for three days. Then you turn up. I shouldn’t have returned that bag!”
Wow. That sounds...painful. I looked back at the ponies, disbelieving, despite knowing it well possible. One look at the spectrum of shame on their faces, though, they told me all I needed to know.
I gave Sarah an awkward side hug, and picked her up, saying, “Come on, lets get you some air. We really need to talk.” I waved at Andrew and Twilight. “Twi, can you find a balcony? Andrew, grab us something to drink will you? Anything’ll do. Meet us outside when you've found something.”
Twilight nodded and, as Andrew wandered off in search of a fridge, focused a bit of energy into a spell which pulsed away through the house in an immaterial violet wave. Apparently having achieved her goal, she trotted off down the hall.
I barely gave this a second thought: Twi was just learning where everything was in the house with a magical x-ray thingy. Of course, Sarah was not privy to this, being short one mental link, and found the sight of magic pulsing about the place quite unnerving. She gave me a pensive look, asking “When did Twilight start casting spells like that again? I thought she was saving energy.”
“Oh, she is,” I replied, “But since she started getting energy from her friends, she’s had some to spare.”
As we walked away, I bade the rest of the ponies follow. They did, at a distance, except for Rainbow Dash. The mare actually looked quite contrite as as she flittered up to us. “<-Hey, Marc,->” She started, but I waved her down. She was quite loud. I knelt next to RD as she muttered, “<-I just wanted to make sure Sarah was okay?->”
I nodded. “<-She’s fine. She told me about how you all...met, in the forest. Did you really kick her over?->”
Dash shrunk back slightly, giving a nervous chuckle. “Heh heh, You don’t suppose you could, uh, apologize for me? I feel kinda bad about that...->”
I nodded, but then I got an idea. I grinned widely and asked, “<-Wouldn’t you rather apologize to her yourself?->”
“<-Uh, we don’t speak the same language, if you didn’t notice...?->”
“<-Inconsequential!->” I exclaimed before leaning in and whispering my instructions into Rainbow’s ear, leaving her looking a little confused, but resolute. Dash returned to her friends as I turned back to a now utterly confuzzled Sarah.
“You were speaking their language...” She muttered.
“...Yeah,” I replied, “We have a lot of catching up to do ya know.”
“You were talking Pony.” She continued muttering, even as I lead her towards the door through which a soft violet light could be seen, shining with a stars.
Twilight obviously hadn’t found the balcony light yet.
I flicked the switch as I passed outside with Sarah. Twilight had already set up four deckchairs, and was perched on one near the railing, expectantly waiting for us.
“Good evening, Sarah. Are you feeling better?” She asked quietly. Considering what we had heard, no surprise she was being careful.
Sarah merely sat upon one of the chairs, eyeing Twilight warily as the nervous alicorn plastered a wide fake smile on her features. Great, now she looked like a nutter.
Luckily, just then, Andrew shambled out to join us, clinging to a large assortment of drinks. I raised an eyebrow at just how many of the bottles proudly sported an alcohol content.
“Dude, I meant like lemonade or something. We need to be sober for this.”
“No we don’t.” Sarah growled, grabbing a bottle of whiskey from Andrew’s grasp.
“Denied!” I exclaimed relieving her of the bottle before she managed to get the cap off. I held the bottle out of reach as I glared accusingly at Andrew. “Mate, how could you bring out a bottle of whiskey, finest matured no less, and not bring any ice?!”
Andrew grinned and pulled out a shaker rattling with the distinct sound of crushed ice. He dashed back inside for a moment before returning with a few tumblers. I nodded my approval as he poured out two measures, one for Sarah, one for himself. I noticed a very glaring error in his math, though. “Uh, dude, where’s mine...?”
“Ahah! You underestimate me, my friend,” He proclaimed, reaching behind him and withdrawing what amounted to my holy grail, “As I have noticed, you much prefer something more... Russian in orientation.”
Vodka. Triple distilled, perfectly chilled, clear as crystal. I took the bottle and held it up mock-reverently. “Oh, my second-oldest friend in this life, how I have missed you!” I grinned at Andrew, “Second only to your deliverer! Thanks mate, This is just what I needed!” I poured out a glass-full of the nectar with ice. As I reached for it, though, it flew away from me. my thought of No, sweet alcohol, return to me! got an appreciative chuckle from the alicorn besides whom my erstwhile drink now hovered, being swirled in a violet glow. Twilight raised a brow, daring me to counter her. Instead, I just shrugged and poured myself another.
“Okay, down to business, folks.” I said, sitting down and feeling mightily important drink in hand. Andrew sat next to me and drew a pipe from somewhere. Lighting it, he sat back, looking as fancy as humanly possible, much to my amusement and the girl’s confusion. “Just to clear up one or two things. Sarah noticed that I ‘speak Pony’ now. Yeah...Twilight taught me the language the other morning.”
Sarah looked at me incredulously. “Twilight taught you a whole language a few days ago? Doesn’t seem the sort of thing you do over breakfast.”
“Well,” said Andrew contemplatively, “It was more of a forced upload, with all the usual unforeseen side-effects. Quite interesting, actually, but still, not as pleasant as you might think...” I withheld my desire to thwack him one.
Twilight got a hoof in here: “Yes, I may have thrust the language on him, and I feel bad about that. We worked it out eventually.”
Sarah clearly put little stock in what Twilight said. I sighed. “Look, Sarah, I understand why you’re uncomfortable with Twi here, but understand, she, and the other ponies, were far more scared than you were on seeing them. They overreacted once or twice, and Twilight pretty much freaked out - no offence - but thats over now. We just need a place for Twilight to build up her magical energies for a bit, then they’ll get themselves home.”
Sarah was still skeptical. “Okay, then why are you here, if you were fine where you were at before? Why bother me at all?”
While I was trying to come up with a diplomatic answer, Andrew happened. “Oh, Marc’s uncle came back early, saw him and tried to shoot all of us. Then RD kicked the bugger in the face and we came here. Oh, and also, Marc’s uncle seems to be part of the underground around here, so security and the police might be looking for us too.”
I thwacked him one.
Sarah looked a little shocked, staring at me and noticing for the first time my mild shiner. “So...you got kicked out...and shot at...”
“And punched up, and puppeted, and teleported...” Andrew listed off, leaning out of thwack-range.
Sarah glared at me for a moment, then burst out laughing. “Oh, good one, you guys, you really had me going there! Ha, teleported? Pfft hahaha!”
We all remained silent, nonplussed.
Sarah trailed from nervous laughter to a deadpan, “You aren’t joking, are you?”
We all shook our heads; Twilight solemn, me grim, Andrew grinning like a goof.
“It would have made a pretty awesome movie, I have to say.” He beamed.
thunk
“Ow!” Andrew jerked to the side, his head assaulted by a tumbler flying through the air. Twilight grinned at him. Andrew looked between the Alicorn and the empty tumbler, now floating about in front of his nose. “Hot damn, girl...” He whispered as he refilled the glass for Twilight. He tossed the filled tumbler into her aura casually, but Twilight’s magic didn't spill a drop.
I couldn’t help but smile at him. He was right, it would have indeed made an awesome movie scene, though we did have bigger problems right now. The possibility of a drunk alicorn being one of them. “Right, anyway. Yes, we have had a rough day, and we’re sorry for jumping out on you like this, but we had nowhere else to go. Ironic really.”
Sarah huffed and downed her whiskey in one shot. “Fine!” she gasped out, “I’ll see what I can do. But keep the ponies indoors, or at least out back by the bird sanctuary. I’ll talk to Amy, that’s my friend, and see what her parents think, but thats all I can say, okay?”
Andrew nodded emphatically and downed the remainder of his own drink in agreement. “Aye aye, fair providence. Any port in a storm. We’ll try not to get the police after you.”
Sarah smirked through a yawn. “Yeah, sure. Just don't wreck the place. And you’re paying for the drinks. I’ll go see if I can get some clean sheets for the beds and such, I’ll be back in a minute.”
Andrew nodded. and stood to help her. “I’ll put the booze away and get supper going, there are a few things in the freezer that may be vegan.”
He gathered the alcohol, but Twilight interjected. “Leave that one, please” She grabbed the vodka bottle telekinetically.
Am I the only one who would just like to appreciate a good drink around here?
Suddenly I remembered my little chat with Rainbow earlier. I waved Twilight over with wild abandon, dragging her away from her drink, much to her displeasure. “This will be totally worth it, trust me.” I whispered to her, grinning as we reached the doorway.
Sarah was standing just in front of Andrew, and arrayed before them were five ponies. Rainbow Dash lead the group, that immensely cute gatsby cap on her head, making her look like an Oliver Twist character. Her mouth struggled to form the words, but she managed admirably.
“Sarah, sawwy fo buckin ya in da hed...” She leant around the two humans and looked up at me. “<-D’I say that right?->”
I nodded emphatically.
She smiled and returned her gaze to Sarah. She raised a hoof uncertainly, trying again. “Sawwy?”
A chorus of ‘sawwys’ echoed from the rest of the ponies as Sarah took the hoof and choked up a smile. She soon found herself enveloped in a multi-hued hug, nearly buried in ponies.
Twilight brushed passed me and joined the group. She embraced Sarah as well, saying, “We’re sorry...I’m sorry for what we put you through. We may not get the chance to make it up to you, but I hope you forgive our mistakes?”
I very nearly broke out in ‘aawwww’s as Sarah nodded.
Andrew wavered, stuck between squeezing past into the kitchen or retreating back outside. Both would have been preferable to being within the cute-zone. He did neither, though, for at that moment, a knock sounded at the door.
Applejack heard it first. She popped her head out of the pony ball and stared down the hall, ears perked. The knock sounded again. “Seriously? Now?” AJ asked herself. By now the hug-sphere was disbanding, the ponies looking about uncertainly. Their eyes settled on Twilight, and hers on me. I looked at Sarah. Sarah looked terrified.
Seems like a safe chain of command.
Andrew started bustling the ponies in a random direction, hopefully a sequestered room somewhere, as I got Sarah moving. I patted her shoulder, saying “Hey, c’mon, who could it be?”
She grinned at me, like a scared chimp, “Yeah, you’re right, can’t be anything serious.”
“No,” I frowned, “Who would actually be knocking here right now?”
She didn’t answer as another knock sounded out, followed by a voice.
“Hey, Sarah, you in there? I noticed the key missing. And who’s crappy old bus is this?!”
“Its a classic!” Andrews voice echoed out faintly.
Sarah sagged with relief. “Oh thank god, it’s Amy. Its just Amy...”
I walked up to her, giving her shoulder a fortifying squeeze. “Amy. Thats your friend, right? She cool?”
Sarah nodded. “Yeah, she won’t mind much who stays here, but her parents might. I’ll talk to her, you just get the ponies hidden, I’l try and tell her it’s just you two on a road trip or something.”
While Sarah handled the door and her doubtless very confused friend, I retreated back down the way Andrew had bustled the ponies. The guest house was arranged in a sprawling, rather random assortment of rooms, the lounge and dining room in the front, and a mash of four bedrooms and two bathrooms at the back. I checked every room, and found not a trace of my company. Just as I was getting worried, or at least very confused, I heard a scuffle in a hall closet.
Really?
I opened the door, expressionlessly pouring light onto the scene. Andrew and six ponies, squashed rather annoyedly into the small space.
“I think one of the bedrooms would have been fine.” I commented dryly.
“I told you...” Twilight grumbled, wiggling free.
I smiled and stood aside, letting the group spill out, and into the nearest bedroom. I shut the door behind me and viewed ponies scattered about. “<-It’s okay, guys, Sarah will handle that, but Twi, I need to know how long, roughly, it will take for you to, uh, recharge your magic? You know, just an estimate? This little arrangement won't last long, and considering that my credit card may be cut off any time now, we need to prepare.->”
Twilight nodded “<-Of course, I understand. I’ll need a minute to centre myself and test the leyline structure, so just...watch some TV or something. I’ll just go in the bathroom for a moment. Rarity, would you care to help me?->”
“<-Oh, of course, darling, a pleasure.->” Rarity stood a strutted over to the bathroom behind Twilight.
I watched them curiously until it became a little creepy, then wrenched myself back to the room, clapping my hands and exclaiming, “<-So while they do crazy unicorn magic in there, and Sarah negotiates our tenuous refuge...TV, anypony?->”
I gestured for the remote and Andrew happily obliged with a chuckle. “The best of distractions for all species! And it’s about seven, too, wonder if we made the news, eh?”
The room stopped dead as his jest sucked the air from our lungs. I fumbled with the damn remote and flicked on the TV, cycling through the channels in search of the evening news. When the blue screen finally resolved in the image of a generic news anchor, Andrew and I clustered about the TV.
Pinkie bounced on the bed behind us, trying to see, as RD tried to push her way between us. “<-Hey, c’mon, let us see, too, you oafs!->”
I shushed her, but stepped back nonetheless, sighing in relief. On the screen, the anchor droned on about stock markets and business deals.
“The new multi-national arms deal within the BRICS group has finally reached South Africa, with the ANC offering up to 2% of the national GDP for weapons purchases from the Russian Federation...”
Blah blah blah, stopped caring.
“In other news, the Western Cape and the city of Cape Town have set a warrant for the immediate arrest of two men...”
Fuck
“...who have been implicated in a human smuggling and weapons dealing ring. The two men were last seen at the Julietta Apartment Complex near the waterfront, where they assaulted a respected businessman and incapacitated a member of the private security force. Both suspects are considered extremely dangerous, possibly armed. Here is some footage of them fleeing the scene in a stolen vehicle...”
As the video of our bus driving off with me hanging out the window waving like a psychopath (which the country now thinks I bloody well am), I saw our options shrinking to pinpricks, just like my pupils, probably. I sank back onto the bed, staring blankly as the weather started to roll on the screen. Rain forecast for tomorrow. Just bloody perfect.
I felt a soft but firm, fuzzy pressure against my neck. I looked around to see Pinkie worriedly nuzzling me. “<-Why were we on TV? What did the old guy say, Marcy? What’s wrong?->”
Rainbow Dash looked between Andrew’s blanched features and my own, the pieces clicking in her head. Her eyes widened as she gasped. “<-Oh, horsefeathers...->”
I circled an arm about Pinkie in a hug. She immediately returned it, still asking what was wrong innocently. I stared at the screen as I began trying to factor our situation. “<-Pinkie, we may be in a bit of trouble...->”
She looked at me with big questioning, adorable eyes .”<-Would you like a glass of water?->” She pulled a glass bottle off the bed and held it up for me to see. I nearly choked on a chuckle.
Twilight had brought the vodka.
“<-That’s not water, Pinkie,->” I giggled, “<-but its good enough. I just need to think for a minute->” I probably would have jumped at the chance to chug myself into oblivion right then, but hugging a pony is actually a great stress-reliever. Poor AJ was doing her part, somewhat against her will, as Andrew rocked her back and forth in the corner. I would have thought Fluttershy would have had better qualifications, but the dear looked absolutely terrified as was.
It is upon this scene that Twilight burst.
“<-Friends we may have a problem...uh, are we interrupting something?->”
I got my nose out of Pinkie’s mane long enough to mumble “<-Stress relief->” before returning to it. I was surprised Pinkie wasn’t squirming yet.
AJ, though, wanted out. “<- Okay, ‘nuff now,->” She muttered as she bounced free, leaving Andrew hugless and sad.
I sighed. “<-Pinks, give Andrew a hug for me while I talk to Twi, okay?->” She nodded, and I reluctantly released the far-too-awesome pony. Look at how good a friend I am here next time I inadvertently get my mates mixed up with aliens, slave-rings and the police.
“Twi,” I said, turning to the nonplussed alicorn, “You are fugitives, and Andrew and I are are criminals until further notice, and warrants for our arrest are publicly known. So, please, tell me you can teleport you and your friends home within the next two days, or we may seriously have a mess here.”
She shuffled awkwardly. “...I can’t.”
I frowned. “Okay, four days max, here, Twi, then we need to get this sorted out.”
“I can’t-”
“Well, you’re going to have to, or else the whole of the Cape Town Constabulary will be on our heads-”
“I CAN”T!”
Okay, reset.. “What exactly do you mean, by ‘you can’t’, Twilight?”
She let out a shuddering breath, “I cannot teleport us home from this particular location to the location I would need to.”
Just
Fucking
Perfect!
Twilight noticed my rising angst, and I felt her pressing in on me, her mind melding just slightly with mine to calm me down. As invasive as it felt, I REALLY needed it right then. I blew out a breath, forcing myself to think straight. “Thanks Twi, sorry about that. I...It’s just a lot, you know? Now, could you please try to explain why on earth you can’t teleport yourselves home from ‘this particular location’?”
“Sure,” she chirped.
I blinked, the wave of information filling me. Well, I sure never would get used to that. Oh, wow, look, I think I may throw up.
I managed not to. Twilight rushed to me the moment I twisted up, but luckily I was fine. “Oh, I’m sorry!,” She muttered, “I should have realized the magical senses would have been unsettling.”
“It’s okay so long as you stop doing that without asking me first...” I deadpanned, before going over what I now knew, but understanding nothing of the strange concepts my brain couldn’t process.
Most of our company, though, not being connected Twilight’s brain-WiFi, still had no idea what was going on, even Rarity, who had helped with Twilight’s little magic recon. “<-Um, Twilight dear, would you mind explaining to me and the rest of us what is going on here?->” The alabaster unicorn asked pensively, clearly not wanting the same treatment I had received.
Twilight, though, seemed to have learned from that. “<-Um, its rather complicated, but basically, there are no familiar leylines for me to channel. I can’t cast anything without their structure, so I can’t find our way back at all.->”
Leylines. Crazy magic mumbo jumbo. Stuff it. I butted in, “<-Wait, then how are you going to get back without these ‘leylines’? What are they anyway->”
Twilight thought for a second before answering. “<-Okay, leylines basically connect all matter in perception, through perception. Anything that can be linked to anything else in any way, can be manipulated by a mage who has a bond with that type of skill. It’s as if everything in the universe is connected to everything else similar, or is perceived to be similar, to it by a string reverberating with a musical note. And ponies specialize in playing those chords. Does that make sense?->”
I shook my head. “<-Not in the slightest. Simplify to the core of our particular issue, please->”
With a snort, Twilight tried again. “<-How about this. Life. Life is magic. the source of and director of all magical forces. Everything that Life, and its perception of the physical world, decides is similar, ethereally bonded to its brethren. Now, the problem we have is hopefully a simple one. I can feel your leylines, the ones of the particular breed of matter that make up your world, but I need older ones, ones that tie across space, and life. I need a...a bunch of really old and really strong leylines that I can channel dry to get us home.->”
I blinked again. My brain hurt. “<-Two speeches and I still feel confused. You’re saying we need to go somewhere really old and drab, where everything is the same?->”
Twil shook her head. “Ugh, no, we need to go somewhere where life has been in sync for a long time, and where the leylines haven’t been scattered by whatever it is that’s warping your leylines around here. Somewhere where the oldest connections have been preserved without being altered by the perception difference between our world and yours.->”
Woah.
“<-Would pristine wilderness be good?->” I asked.
Twilight brightened. “<-Yes! Perfect, in fact!->”
I nodded understandingly for a moment. Then I held an arm up, saying, “<-I need a pony hug, please.->”
Surprisingly, it was Rarity who slid under my arm, settling into my embrace.
“<-Watch the mane, would you, dear...->” She cooed, but I didn’t listen. Instead I looked at Twilight standing uncertainly in the middle of the room as I showed her my thoughts. Here we were, in the largest metropolitan area this side of the country, hundreds of miles from anywhere untouched by man, and surrounded by people only too happy to stop us getting where we need to be
Finally, she understood, and our eyes locked as we shared a thought:
I'm standing on a breach at midnight. Thick, oily waves sluggishly collapse at my bare feet as I scan the water, looking for something. I don't know what, or why, and since this dream just became lucid, I would really like to know. I feel a wash of emotions: eagerness, fear, anger, sorrow. They assault me from all sides, and I can't tell which ones are mine or not. I just know what everything is feeling. The strongest emotion, though, is alarm, and that is coming straight from the sea.
I'm just standing there as I feel many people approaching from behind. The black water sloughs back and forth in agitation as beams of light crawl down like an illuminating curtain to halt just above my head, setting the air ablaze while the water turns black as pitch. I turn slowly to look at gathering silhouettes ranged along the berm above the small beach, many of them carrying what I immediately knew to be guns, silhouetted in the beams of many cars' headlights. I feel the thoughts of the ocean behind me shift, fear replaced with a rapid calculating process, throwing numbers into my head: R5, 5.56, Z88, 9 by 19, R3, 7.62...behind each number innumerable, incomprehensible calculations about speed, control, and trajectory that fade into the hissing of the waves now about my ankles. Every spectral figures on the berm waits, as I wait, for an unknown signal, some sign that this scene would end. I watch them, wishing I could move, but knowing that, no matter what, I am destined to see this play out.
Someone shouts, and a spotlight beam rakes across me. There is no point in running now. I hear angry mutterings, cries and demands, but they're lost in the agitated swash of the ocean, the black, frigid water climbing my calves. I finally open my eyes and stare straight up at the figure behind the spotlight, the one shouting, and simply stare. I have nothing else to do.
And suddenly, the water washes back, and I'm standing under the light, the shout and the crack that drops me to the bare sand in gasping pain. The world swirls, and suddenly, I'm watching the wet bedraggled figure bent low over the lit white sand, the water pulled back from him to reveal a growing pool of an even darker liquid.
And then the world goes white.
*****
My eyes flared open.
I roll over, gasping and clutching at my side. I feel nauseous, as if I've been punched in the stomach. Well, wasn't that the creepiest thing I've ever dreamed?
"...Eep...!"
I scowl and roll upright, clutching my head. "<-Ugh, Wha...What's going on?->" I looked around before my sore eyes settled on the shaking bundle of butter-yellow and pink at the edge of the doorway.
"<-Oh! I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you!...I'll just...come back later...->" Fluttershy mumbled, backing away through the door.
"<-No...ugh...->" I cleared my throat, and my head, as I rolled out of the bed, "<-It's wasn't you Fluttershy, I just had a bad dream is all.->"
She seemed uncertain, but I waved her on. She shrunk back, but continued, "<-Oh...well, okay then. Andrew wants to do something, but we didn't know what he's saying or if you said it was okay, so...->"
I raised an eyebrow. "<-Why would you think I would need to...whatever, yeh I'm up. Be there in a minute.->"
Fluttershy nodded with a small smile and left, leaving me with my thoughts. Last night had ended on a very, very, flat note. No one spoke a word after Twilight explained the situation to the girls, and so the wait for Sarah had become some special level tedious. The only high point was Sarah telling us that she had gotten us allowance to stay by lying through her teeth and saying that the guest house was now full of free-thinking gypsy-bard hippy-people. Her friend's apparently very liberal parents had agreed to let us stay, even going so far as to provide us with waterproof sheets. It was very hard to keep the reasoning for that from Twilight, but by god I did my best. There were still things Twilight did NOT need to know...
Shaking off those thoughts, I focused on the foremost problem at hand: Right, where's my pants?
Awkward morning rituals over, I stumbled my way out of my room into the hall. With only four bedrooms and eight of us, we'd logically paired off, two to a room. I was surprised to see Pinkie Pie happily bunking with Twilight, but if anyone was likely to forgive and forget, it was Pinkie. And Twilight had needed that. Fortified with this memory, I walked tall into the living room, prepared for what the day would throw at me.
Andrew, though, looked far less ready. Unkempt and shell-shocked-looking, I suddenly realized why the girls may have felt uncomfortable letting him outside. He was currently wrapped so intently around a cup of coffee - no doubt heavily fortified - that he seemed unable to hear Applejack talking to him: "<-Come on now, Sugercube, Ah know you said ya had a nightmare, but we c'n all jus' wait a while an' calm on down...->"
"<-AJ?->" I asked skeptically, "<-He has literally no idea what you are talking about->"
She gave Andrew a gentle pat on the back before turning to me, smiling thinly, "<-Well, it's tha best Ah c'n do right now, ain't it? It seemed ta calm him down some.->"
I nodded to her and walked around into Andrew's field of vision, cooing. "Hey dude, how you doin'?"
He gave me an annoyed look, one most commonly associated with delusional homeless people. "Why 'd'you stop AJ singin'? Sounded cool. I'm fine, I...just had a bad dream. It actually had a good point: I was just gonna go clear our trail, so to speak, but, Twilight stopped me. Also, coffee. And I'm pretty sure Pinkie is trying to make cupcakes."
A glance towards the kitchen to established that there were no natural disasters occurring, so I felt comfortable in focusing on me ragged friend. I nodded to him, "Well, I'm sure whatever you've thought of is as good an idea as any. Go for it. I need to sort this magic thing out with Twilight ASAP. Where'd she go?" I looked out a window and noted that the sun had only just begun lighting the horizon. I wouldn't blame Twilight if she had gone back to bed. So far I'd only seen Applejack and Fluttershy, though Pinkie was apparently cooking up a storm. Some warm food would be great for breakfast. Might make that conversation easier.
I gave Andrew a pat on the shoulder and turned away to walk towards the kitchen. Pinkie might know if Twilight was awake, after all. I heard Andrew open and close the front door, probably going out for some air to think after his bad night.
I poked my head around the corner to see not only Pinkie, but Applejack and Rainbow Dash all poking at gathered ingredients, implements, and appliances. Pinkie was scowling at a bag of flower, AJ was headbutting the oven and Rainbow Dash seemed to be in deep conversation with a toaster. I was stuck between facepalming and bursting into laughter, and ended up leaning against the doorpost, chuckling and shaking my head silently. It took a few moments for Pinkie to see me, but seconds after she squeaked in surprise, AJ was on the other side of the room and Rainbow Dash was missing entirely.
I swallowed my laughter with difficulty as the kitchen door swung closed on a Rainbow contrail and nodded to Pinkie. "<-Mornin' Pinks. By the way, you pull the tab at the top of the packet, open's easily. I'll come and help you guys in a...no, like this, Pinkie...yeah, that's the way! Oh, and AJ, the oven works with these little dials, see? And You open it here...->"
Needless to say, I ended up making cupcakes. It was an...enlightening experience. Pinkie did not sing, unfortunately, though she did hum a lot. Applejack kept trying to make a cupcake pie, though we managed to dissuade her by using an apple as a distraction. Seriously, I spent about half an hour tossing an apple back and forth with the orange pony while Pinkie finished up the cupcakes and shoved them - awkwardly - in the oven. Even after that, AJ and I played our little game of catch right up until Rainbow Dash stuck her head through the door again. I was going to make a smart-aleck remark about her getting reacquainted with her best friend the toaster before I noticed her worried expression.
“<-Uh, Marc, you might wanna come out and talk to Twilight before she busts a nerve.->”
I immediately dropped the apple and stood up, worried. “<-Why, what happened? She okay?”
Rainbow looked nervously behind her, at the yard that extended all the way down to the bird sanctuary among the trees. “<-She’s fine, everything was fine, we were just chatting an’ stuff. She got antsy when Andrew drove off though...->”
I blinked. “<-He did what?->”
Rainbow looked confused for a moment, looking at Applejack, “<-I thought you said...->”
I didn’t hear the rest of what she said; I spun and pulled my phone up to my face - oh, damn, its cracked - and called Andrew. By god, he’d better have a good explanation...
Click, “Hello? I’m driving, could you-”
“Andrew! Dafuq you doin’?!”
“Uh...what?”
A weird, static-y beeping sound interrupted the call, but I pushed on regardless, “You took the bus? Why?!”
“Well, I told you about that dream I had...We need to get rid of the bus before we get spotted in it: the damn thing’s a dead givaway!”
“...!...Good point. Still, you said nothing about a dream, and we coulda planned this out better! You gave me a heart attack.”
That loud beep zapped my ear again, cutting off the first part of Andrew’s reply. All I heard was “...and I have a bicycle, so I’ll be fine. see you in an hour.” Click.
“Ugh, great...” I mumbled, dropping the phone on the counter. I made my way out the back door and into the yard. Pinkie Pie and Applejack watched from the doorway as Rainbow Dash perched on a clothesline...wait, what?! I took a massive double-take at the gently swinging pagasus.
Ignoring, ignoring, ignoring...
I looked about and spotted Twilight in an equally surprising position: Up a bloody tree. I tried to call out to her, even waving about underneath her branch, but she was just staring intently up at the pass between two peaks of the mountain above us. After about five minutes of waving about and croaking in the pre-dawn light, I finally sighed and climbed up to her level.
“<-Hey Twilight, what the hell is wrong?->...oh my...” I held onto the trunk next to Twilight and looked out over the smallholding. Through the trees, I could see an unmistakable flash of red and blue. My throat dried up. Cutting through the silent, heavy air, I heard above me the unmistakable, if distant, droning of a helicopter, and up in the pass, even more lights flashed to life, just as my phone rang. I answered with numb fingers. “Hello?”
“Hi, uh, Marc? We may have a problem...little fuzzy-type problem.”
I stood up taller, trying to see over a rising purple mist. “Dude, you at the pass? Cuz there’s a-” I was cut off by that grating beep again, and suddenly it hit me: “Dude! Chuck your phone and get the fuck outta there! They're tracking our cells!” I turned and threw my once-pride-and-joy as far into the heart of the bird sanctuary as I could. I turned back to shake Twilight, but was surprised to see the purple mist had risen even further, hiding, well, everything around the smallholding in a thick, impenetrable blanket. And only then did I notice Twilight’s horn, faintly glowing.
Holy crap, she’s covering the whole valley!
I touched Twilight’s shoulder, saying calmly, “Twilight, good job, but we really have to get out of here, right now.”
The huge bank of fog turned a dense, dark grey as Twilight visibly relaxed and turned to me. She gathered herself, resolve in her eyes. “<-Andrew is in trouble.->”
I nodded. “<-I know. It’s my fault: I didn’t think that the police might track our...It doesn’t matter, we have less that ten minutes to get you girls somewhere safe, maybe in the sanctuary or something->”
Twilight raised an eyebrow at me. “<-Marc, we’re going to save Andrew. You can drive, right?->”
Is it just me or do I have absolutely no control today?
“<-Uh, yeah, I can, but how does that...->”
And Twilight took off, calling out, “<-Rainbow Dash! I need your help!->”
And then I was sitting alone in a tree. I turned and hit my head into the bark. “What the hell is going on?!”
I heard a siren cutting dully through the mist, and snapped back to reality. I shimmied down the tree and dog-trotted to the house. Applejack was standing outside and craning her neck up in an effort to track her flying friends. As I neared her, she gave me a hard look. “<-They found us already, didn’t they?->”
I sighed and nodded. “<-Yeah...Yeah they did. Come on, we need to get out front. I think Twilight may be about to do something...rash.->”
Applejack smirked as she trotted in behind me, “<-Wouldn’t be our Twi if she didn’t!->”
Of course. I nearly tripped over Pinkie, who was very carefully icing her cupcakes, and saw Fluttershy sitting uncertainly in the lounge area, as well as Rarity peeking dozily out of her room to inspect the noise. With everypony present, I called a meeting to order. “<-Okay ponies! We need to get moving. Twilight is outside with Rainbow...doing something, so get your things. Front door, five minutes!->”
I ran to the room I’d shared with Andrew and grabbed our belongings. It was only now I really saw how far we’d fallen: Andrew had nothing but a hat to his name here, and I had lost everything but my bag and the clothes I wore. I even had a bit of a hobo beard starting up. Well, it might act as a disguise. I shoved everything (meaning nothing) into my bag and made for the door. Pinkie, Applejack and Rarity were quietly discussing the mornings events while snarfing cupcakes while Fluttershy stared nervously out of the window.
I nodded to them all. “<-Okay girls, you got everything?->”
“<-To be frank, dear,->” Rarity deadpanned, “<-We don’t have anything to forget.->”
I smirked at her. “<-Yeah, me neither. What a sorry lot we are, eh?->”
Just then, Fluttershy ‘eep’ed. I glanced at her, and incidentally through the window she stood by. Outside, rolling to a stop, was a blue-striped white truck with a proud set of blues and twos mounted on the cab.
FUCK!!
I dived forward and pulled Fluttershy into the shadow of the door with her friends, jostling Applejack and Rarity out of the way. “<-Police!->” I hissed, “<-Get down!->”
I heard the muffled squeak of a car door opening, a pair of thudding steps I imagined being made in steel-capped boots. My brain began racing, looking for exits, planning the escape. “<-AJ, you head on through and check if the back door is clear. Rares, look out on the left. Fluttershy, you come with me and Pinkie...->”
“<-Hi Twilight! Hi Dashie!->”
I spun to Pinkie, aghast. She stood in the window, waving energetically at all and sundry outside“<-Pinkie, get back from there!->” I dived forward and pushed the brightly coloured pony back replacing her form with my own. I found myself in the window space, eyes wide as I looked straight into the eyes of-
Rainbow Dash.
Deadpan stare. Is it sad that I wasn’t even surprised? “<-I don’t even want an explanation. Just get out of the way, RD.->”
With a smirk, she complied. I pushed myself up and opened the door. There, in the misty and tree-covered drive of the guest house, was a slightly dented police truck, a very haughty looking Rainbow Dash, and Twilight, carefully levitating two passed-out police officers into the bushes.
What. The. F-
“<-Twilight, please, in the name of all that is holy, please explain to me what is going on.->” Yes, I begged. I literally got on my knees and everything.
Twilight gave me a confused look. “<-You didn’t work out what I was doing, I thought you’d...->”
“Twilight, you were so blocked up I never got a whiff of your plan! Your mind’s like stone, I can’t read you even now!->” I scowled. And I couldn’t. The connection with Twilight had made me really sensitive to picking up on her thoughts, but right then, it was like she wasn’t even there.
Twilight realized what I meant, because at that instant I felt her presence. I’d barely noticed it’s absence, but I welcomed it’s return. She nodded to me. “<-Sorry about that...I had a bad night, and I guess it left me tense. Either way, here’s a car, let’s go!->”
“<-Seriously?!->” I gasped, “<-We can’t steal a cop car! You know how much trouble we’ll get in!->”
Twilight raised an eyebrow while Rarity snickered behind me. Even as Twilight spoke, the others were making there way to the back of the truck. “<-How much, Marc?->”
Under Twi’s smug look, I frowned. “<-Well, imagine if they pull us...over...->” Who pulls over a cop car? And we’re already on the run from the cops, so what difference does it make? I looked up at Twi. “No gloating, smart-ass. Let’s just go save Andrew already, before he drives off a cliff.”
Twilight flittered to the passenger door while I climbed into the driver’s seat. A quick gloss over the truck's archaic control system, and I was ready to go. I glanced at the Police serial number over the radio, committing it to memory, before looking back at the ponies in the bed of the truck. I started reversing out of the drive, saying, “<-Hang on, girls, this might get a bit bumpy.->”
“<-Ugh, it’s so cramped in here! Can’t we get another bus?->”
“<-Can it, Rainbow!->” I growled, ignoring her as I ground the gears of the old police truck, “We aren’t even out of the driveway yet!->”
I heard a few muffled squeals, cries and apologies behind me, and I saw Twilight, beside me in the passenger’s seat, look back. Rainbow’s voice rose again; “<-Look, I just don’t think this’ll work out, I need to at least be able to - ow! I need to move my wings, AJ!->”
Applejack’s muffled voice barely reached me, but it was still one of the best deadpans I’d ever hear; “<-Ah think we’re really gonna need a bigger cart.->”
“<-Car,->” I muttered, “<-And maybe you can just get Twilight to steal you another one.->” I added sarcastically, pulling out of the trees that surrounded the guest house into the large empty field around the main manor. I fumbled the controls jerkily and pulled into the main parking area.
Twilight just shrugged. “<-We could I suppose, but we need another driver first.->”
“<-Not what I - nevermind…->” I huffed, moving for the door handle. I didn’t turn the old truck off; I’d rather keep ready for a fast getaway. Twilight though, stopped me. “Marc, what are you doing?”
I wondered why she asked me that in English. But then, why would she bother asking me at all? I could feel her, right next to me. I knew where she was and what she was feeling: a foot away from me was an eerily determined alicorn with a grudge to settle. I’m sure she knew what I wanted here too, but I told her anyway; “We need to tell Sarah where we’re going. After what she’s done for us, I think she deserves a last goodbye this time, right?”
Twilight cocked her head and looked at the large house in front of us thoughtfully. The truck became silent, waiting. Then she said, “Of course. She’s done so much for us, but...Marc, something feels...off, here.”
I had no idea what she meant. Oh wait, now I did. Twilight’s perceptions became my own; there wasn’t a single car in the yard, and the birds in the trees were silent (odd, next to a bird sanctuary). Also, it was very early morning, earlier than most people would wake up. And yet lights were on across the house.
<-It may be nothing, but this place is too quiet. They either heard this police car come up the road, and they’d be out here wondering why, or they didn’t and the whole place would be dark.->
Twilight is much smarter than I am.
I sighed, slipping into telepathy like a comfortable duvet. Disturbing, how natural it felt now, So what then? If my uncle’s men are here, I’m not leaving Sarah to them. They’ll break her to get to me.
Twilight’s eyes found mine then. A curious glint that spoke of determination and excitement shone there, and a small knowing smile spread across her lips. Rarity saw it too, and she nudged Fluttershy beside her. They realized, as I did, what that look meant:
Twilight Sparkle had an idea.
Twilight…
*****
The knock on the door was dull, but so loud. Sarah gulped as she stood in front of the entrance, shuddering. The knock sounded again. She took a nervous step forward, then stopped. She choked on a sob.
“Come on, get it done, lady!”
The hissed words accompanied the cold press of a pistol to the back of her neck. She didn’t turn or otherwise respond. She only buried her tears, sniffed, and stepped up to the door.
The knock sounded again.
“Open it!”
She felt herself be jostled, and a knot formed in her stomach. Maybe it wasn’t Marc. Maybe it was just a postman or something. At 4 in the morning? Not likely. She had no choice. She reached for the door twisted the doorknob. She couldn’t look as she pulled the door inwards. “H-hello?” please don’t be Marc please don’t be Marc…
“Hey Sarah! I got to tell you something.”
And there Marc stood, framed by the mist and his old green jacket, looking every bit as ragged as a fugitive should in his rumpled clothing and week-old beard. But somehow, he was still handsome, something different about the way he held himself, so slight a change she wouldn’t have noticed normally. His eyes sparkled slightly, and Sarah couldn’t quite tell why he was smiling so much.
“Look, we gotta go, yeah? Just making sure you’re okay. We’re going to head south around Chapman Peak, maybe the cops aren't there yet - hey, are you okay?” His smile slipped slightly, but not completely.
“Yes, yes!” She blurted, “Perfectly fine! Just, I understand you need to leave. It’s okay. Call me when it’s all over.”
Marc’s grin widened. He leaned forward slightly, a little unsettling as he stated, “I don’t think the guy with a gun to your neck will allow that.”
Sarah was pulled aside and slammed into the wall, where she crumpled in a dazed heap. The black-clad snarling man that had held her raised his pistol and levelled it at Marc’s chest. “Fuck it,” He growled, “I’ll just kill you right here!”
Marc didn’t move.
Sarah heard the bang and saw the gun jump. her eyes widened as she gasped, hands covering her mouth. She watched in abject horror as Marc slowly looked down at his chest, touched the tear in his clothes. “Huh.” He whispered, “I was hoping you’d be more reasonable.”
Marc removed his hand, and the hole was gone. There was a burning in his eyes as he stared at the frozen gunman. “You should have waited for that.” Marc raised his hand, holding a pistol identical to that of the gunman. He cocked his head with a smirk as he aimed for the gaping man’s head.
“Wha…?” The gunman whispered. Then he pulled the trigger. He pulled it until his gun was spent, the flash in the morning light glaring to his eyes, the concussive sound ringing through his bones. When looked again, Marc stood still, his own gun still poised, only now held in a black glove, matching the black clothes that now wrapped him, a perfect copy of those the hitman wore.
It was too much for the man. He turned and fled as Marc started laughing maniacally, chilling all who heard it to the bone.
By god, Twilight had excelled herself.
I shook my head to rid the spell Twilight had cast on me: a perception spell that had let me see with the eyes of her illusion and partly puppet it. I couldn’t help but smirk as I stepped into the place of the insubstantial copy of myself from around the doorframe, and it swirled away in violet smoke as I did so. from the look on Sarah’s face, it was every bit as awesome as I imagined it to be.
Except I looked like a bum compared to Twilights image of me, but what whatever…
“Sarah, come on, we need to get out of here.” I leaned down and grasped her arms. She stood shakily, which hardly surprised me. After all, I should by rights be dead, but here I am.
“Marc, is all well?”
Twilight’s thought echoed across to me, and I looked back at the shrubs lining the main drive. Shrubs that bristled with multi-coloured eyes all looking in my direction. And Rainbow Dash’s wings poking out of the flowerbed. I guess when you’re a rainbow-coloured attention seeking performer, you don’t put much stock in stealth. Not that it mattered too much now.
Yeah, we’re good, get back to the truck, we’ll be there shortly.
Sarah was shaking badly. I didn’t know what to do for her, any comfort just seemed hollow. Her life had just been threatened. Hovering for a moment, I decided to take a cue from Pinkie Pie: I pulls Sarah into a hug. She barely reacted for a moment, before slowly returning it. I felt dampness spreading on my shoulder.
When she stopped shaking quite so much, I leaned back, “Hey Sarah? C’mon, we gotta go, before anyone else shows up.” She nodded dumbly and followed my lead out the door and into the slowly dissipating fog.
We got as far as the truck, but there Sarah stopped. She looked at the police truck surrounded by anxious-looking equines, from Twilight standing by the passenger door and Fluttershy trying to become one with the wheel arch, and cracked. I don’t know what was going through her mind, but whatever it was, she could be forgiven. “Sarah? We really gotta go…”
“I can’t…” She sobbed, stepping back, “I can’t do this, Marc.” Her eyes found mine, tired, scared, “It’s too much. I just w-want to go home…”
“<-Marc, we have to move, this place isn’t safe->” Twilight prompted.
Sarah looked around one last time, then locked eyes with me. “They’ll come again. I’ll...I’ll buy you some time. But I’m not a strong as you…”
I sighed. Of course she wouldn’t want to come with. Probably a good thing since we really didn’t have the space anyway...Ugh, there I go, the mindset that keeps me going: practical and calculating. Only, it wasn’t my mindset, was it?
I looked at Twilight, and saw an emotional tear in her eye. Somehow, that disturbed me. She was supposed to calculate, and I be all lost in my thoughts. Nope, this wasn’t right, for sure. I turned back to Sarah, and nodded, “I understand, Sarah. This isn't yours to bear anymore.” I held out a hand to her with a smile, “I’ll hold you to that phone call though, after this is done?”
Sarah gave a small smile, but a genuine one, “Sure.” And then she walked away.
I stood watching her for a moment, words of farewell still on my tongue, but I shook my head and returned to the police truck as the ponies piled in. Andrew was somewhere up on the pass, trapped, maybe captured. And if the gunman we’d just run into was any indication, things could very quickly turn ugly up there.
All the doors shut as I climbed into the driver’s seat. I ignored Rainbow Dash complaining and slammed the the truck into gear. “I hope you girls are ready for this.”
“<-Yup!->” AJ, Pinkie and Rarity called, all bumping hooves.
“<-N-No…->” Fluttershy squeaked.
“<-So long as I get to buck someone in the face…->” Rainbow muttered.
“And thats about as good as we’ll get,” Twilight stated, “Now get going! We don’t have all day!”
I chuckled as I floored the accelerator. The engine roared, spluttered, coughed and stalled. I quickly twisted the key in the ignition again, feeling a manly blush starting. “Sorry…”
“Ugh…” Rainbow buried her head beneath her wing.
*****
A quick reminder of exactly how my life had decided to punish me again: We’d been holed up for one day - ONE DAY - in Hout Bay, a suburb of Cape Town proper. Now the city itself was on the other side of Table Mountain from us, and between to the two was a small, old and mostly unused pass, now that both Chapman’s Peak and the coastal Point Road were built. This pass was tight, high and a little scary, prone to fog and rockfalls and the like. And it was up this narrow pass that I was attempting to drive without alerting any police. Kinda hard since I was driving directly towards a police roadblock.
I started to slow down as the flashing lights appeared through the fog, “Twilight, what do I do now?”
Twi’s wings buzzed slightly from where she sat in the passenger seat. She looked out into the valley beneath us, thoughtful, and then began a spell, saying, “Just keep going, act normal.”
“Uhh...okay.” I crawled the truck up the road as the three police cars materialized. As we neared them, a purple shimmer flared across the windows around me. I missed a gear as I flinched in surprise, “Twi, what are you doing?”
She didn’t have time to respond. The truck ground to a halt, of course, right next to a police officer. You could tell just by looking at him that he was one of those cops that took his job way too seriously. He had a handlebar moustache and everything.
“Hallo there, vehicle number please?” He drawled, leaning against my door’s sill and spitting out his toothpick.
Oh god, seriously? I glanced at the number over the radio and responded in my best equally heavy accent, “Five two dash eight three nine, on collection.”
The man at my window leaned down and peered through the glass at me. Whatever it was he saw, it most certainly wasn’t me or Twilight. He stood back, waving aside the two other officers, “Right on through there, sergeant, they have the suspect ready for you.”
He just waved us through. A stolen police truck filled with magical aliens and the very desperado he was guarding against. I drove past the three cop cars and crawled on up the pass. The violet shimmers across the glass of the cab sputtered out, and Twilight gasped. “<-Whew...I need to practice illusions, clearly...->”
I tried to focus on driving this time as I asked, “<-Twi, just out of curiosity, what did you do back there? He didn’t even give us a second glance.->”
Twilight shrugged, “<-Illusion over the windshield and windows: he would look in and see what he expected to see. So I’m going to guess he saw police officers.->”
“Huh…” It was quite an impressive Jedi-esque move, that, “<- I’m just worried you’re using up your energy. I mean, you’ve cast some pretty impressive spells this morning. This fog couldn’t have been easy to raise.->”
“<-Yes,->” She muttered, “<-It’s...I’m finding it easier to cast the higher up the mountain we go, but still, I’m running out of reserves to draw on. Illusions are easier than trying to throw something physical at least.”
Higher up the mountain, or further from the City? I wonder to myself. Twilight sensed my thought, and I could feel her agreement echoing hollowly somewhere in the space between our minds. If this was so…
“The further from the City we go, the more in touch with magic I’ll be, and the more I’ll be able to achieve by drawing on the energy of the world, not just myself, my friends and you.”
My eyes found Twilights for half a second there, but my mind focused on her as I felt a question roiling. But first I asked, You can draw from me as well, then? I already knew the answer, I was just making sure.
“Yes, though it shouldn’t be as easy with you as it is with my friends.”
I raised a brow, Shouldn’t be?
“It might be because of how close our minds are, or because of something else...but you are probably my biggest source of native energy right now.”
I don’t know how I feel about that…
She didn’t respond.
Twilight, one other question, I added in the silence that existed outside of the noise of the vehicle, That image of me you conjured, how did you manage to make it so real-looking without wasting too much energy?
“I have a very good image of you in my memory” She replied quickly, “And I drew slightly from you as well. It was a pretty good image if I do say so myself.”
Yeah, I snorted, Except I’m not so vain to think I’ve ever looked that good. Where’d that come from, huh?
Yet again, she failed to answer
*****
“<-The peak of the pass is just around the corner. I don’t know what's up there, though, any ideas?->” I asked. We’d stopped now, the truck pulled up on the curb of the old road, just below the rise where a few flashing lights could be seen. Police, waiting, like we were. Only we had surprise on our side.
I got out of the truck then, needing to think. Twilight followed my example, as did her friends. There we stood, unhidden, a fugitive and some aliens, like it was perfectly normal. The sad thing, though, is that by that point it kinda was.
“<-If only we could get some eyes up there without being seen…->” I muttered, thinking about climbing the road-side cliff.
I was immediately interrupted by a sudden spread of cyan feathers. “<-Yeah, I wonder how we’ll manage that?->” Rainbow Dash deadpanned, before she rocketed up into the foggy sky. I was still trying to come up with a valid response by the time she crashed back into the tarmac in a puff, grinning.
“<-Yup, I found Andrew! He’s in one of the two cars up there, and there’s a black truck like ours, kinda, with other people in it, like that guy at Sarah’s? Yeah. Them and the cops are arguing over him.->”
“<-So we got a plan?->” I asked the ponies broadly. We were here to blatantly attack some cops, so pretty much anything could go.
Rarity spoke up first; “<-Is there perhaps any way we could convince them to hand Andrew over peacefully? I’d rather not have a fight break out here, it would be terribly messy.->”
“A-and dangerous…” Fluttershy added.
Rarity shrugged, “<-That too->”
Applejack cocked her head over as she stared up at the corner, “<-RD, are they lookin’ our way or over th’other side?->”
“<-Oh,->” Rainbow chuckled, “<-it really doesn’t matter, they’re just about blind and deaf while they’re fighting. But the black truck is nearest us, and all the people just the other side of it. Andrew’s in the cars on the far side.->”
Applejack smirked at Pinkie Pie, who winked back knowingly. Applejack nodded to Twilight, who also seemed to have caught on, “<-Ah think it’s time ta show these humans how Earth Ponies sort out a tussle!->”
Oh Shit…
It was a terrifying plan, the kind of crushingly bold plan where one or another party would indeed be crushed, quite literally. And I felt, even though I was quite well protected, I was in the firing line.
Twilight orchestrated the battle-plan, a far cry from our usual cut-and-run tactic: AJ and Pinkie both hunkered down square in the middle of the road, somehow managing to be sneaky in plain sight. Rainbow Dash hovered expectantly right above me, somewhere in the thickening mist that Rarity focused on drawing up with impressive focus. Fluttershy was hovering out over the valley, the first time I’d seen her fly so much, watching, ready to call upon our final weapon: Me, in a cop truck, with a bloody Alicorn crouched on the roof. All in all, I couldn’t help but feel nervous.
It started with a kick.
The sound of hooves cracking into stone high above us startled me. Rainbow Dash was nowhere to be seen, but slowly, and then in growing volume further along the road, along with a profusion of powerful cracking noises, the rocks started falling through the fog.
I knew that from where AJ and Pinkie crouched, the top of the black PMC truck was visible. They also saw the first few chunks of cliffside start crashing down around the people up there. All I heard were the shouts of surprise. I heard an engine start, and Twilight whistled. Looking out my window, I could just see Fluttershy flying back to us through the fog. That was part of the signal.
Up on the peak, the humans were scattering. RD’s rockfall was to them a freak occurrence, and the first thing they would do would be to try and get their vehicles out of the way. The police began driving down the hill towards Cape Town only to be blocked by a massive block of stone that fell from on high. A prismatic contrail began building above the cliff.
The PMCs saw the blockage and tried to reverse into a three point turn, but only got halfway. The driver’s face froze in shock when he suddenly found himself stuck broadside with two galloping Earth Ponies running him down.
Both spun on their forehooves, rear legs poised, and buck they did. An ‘epic buck for the ages’ to be sure. It was so powerful, so perfectly timed, that the truck was lifted a good two feet off the ground, tipped on its side, and it slammed down with an almighty crash of crunched steel and shattered glass.
I heard a cry from within cut the morning air. The driver’s door began to open, but Applejack put paid to that. With a too-loud shout she bounded onto the door, delivering a single kick to the door handle, bending it shut. The rear bed door burst open then, and three black-clad men tumbled out, giving terrified looks to Pinkie Pie as she sat beside their car, waving a hoof with a blissful smile: “<-Nice to see you, come again!->”
“Now!” Twilight’s order above me spurred me into action. Ikicked the accelerator and our truck lurched forward, gaining speed. Rarity dropped her spell and joined Fluttershy in galloping alongside us til we reached the fallen truck. There they stopped, and I didn’t. I rammed the exposed belly of the other vehicle, and floored it. Applejack and Pinkie Pie both bounded atop my truck and dropped through the roof hatch into the bed, breathing hard. Twilight, invisible but for a violet glow above the windshield, called directions I barely heard as I rammed the overturned truck straight over the top of the pass and down at the confused police officers. The four men stood for a moment, fumbling for their pistols and looking for a way to stop us, but behind our barrier, they could not shoot us. They wavered in the middle of the road.
Just then, a terrifying CRACK spread with a shockwave through the air.
The fog was blasted away by the violent wave of energy, rippling its colour across the sky and blasting at the men standing before the now clearly visible truck barreling towards them on its side, with Twilight Sparkle, wings spread and horn sparking, standing atop it all.
They scattered like flies.
“Left!” Came the order. I swerved to the left promptly, and the truck stuck on my bumper skittered off to the right, banging into the guardrail and leaving me driving all clear. Well, all clear right up to the point where two cop cars were parked in front of a massive boulder. Twilight roared bloody fury as she single...hornedly?... knocked the rock aside with a violet club of light.
As I swerved to a halt in between the two cop cars, Twilight deftly leapt onto the left-hand one. Rarity and Fluttershy skidded up either side, and with a flash of her horn Rarity had all the doors open. I got a front row seat to the fantastic show that was Andrew’s face at that moment.
Eyes wide, shaking and I’m quite sure near screaming, he watched dumbly as Rarity quickly weaved a little of her blue aura into the handcuffs around his wrists, and they clanked to the car’s floor.
I rolled my window down and gave him a full view of my smug expression.
He gibbered as he looked up at me, “What the fuu…?!”
“Shut up and drive, mate!” I called to him as I looked around, making sure we were clear. Rarity and Fluttershy bailed in either side of Andrew as Twilight hopped into the passenger seat of our new conquest. Andrew hovered for a second before catching a wake up and clambering into the drivers seat. He whacked the vehicle into life as I geared down to follow him.
Andrew drove like a bat out of hell down the pass, the sirens giving warning to no one in particular on the empty road. As I chased him, a thin ribbon of light over the valley grew brighter and brighter, til Rainbow Dash collapsed through the open hatch of my truck, crowing her victory in inarticulate shouts. Pinkie and Applejack joined her in celebrating, and scant minutes later our two-car convoy reached the city limits, rushing through the outer suburbs, then the empty District Six, all the way up the coast towards the north. All the while other police cars and suspect black vans whistled past us in the opposite direction.
Half an hour later, as the proud mountain behind us faded to grey with distance. I allowed myself to breath. Ahead of me, in Andrew’s vehicle, I saw a pair of violet eyes looking back at me, sparkling with glee.
“We won!”
Twilight was euphoric. I could feel the happiness and relief that radiated from all the members of our party. I could just about hear Andrew’s ecstatic laughter through Twilight's ears, but I didn’t let myself give in to victory quite yet.
One problem with going on a pony road trip is that you don’t get any relief drivers. Hard to use a steering wheel or pedals with hooves, you see. And I don’t care how interested Pinkie was in the gear shift, I wasn’t letting her anywhere near it.
I bopped her on the nose, “<-Bad Pinkie!->”
“<-...Sorry!->”
It would also be nice if Applejack could stop having a growling match with the transmission, but so long as I drove like a one-eyed drunk serf high on paralytics (Yeah, I’m not a great driver, sue me...or rather don’t, I didn’t mean it!), that wasn’t about to happen.
As I thought that out, I missed a gear change. The gears ground, and Applejack snarled back, something I’ve begun referring to as ‘the Applegrrrrr.’ strangely adorable as it may be, it was just another distraction. I turned back to the three ponies in the rear bed of the truck.
“<-Do you girls mind? I’m just trying to have an internal monologue here.->”
“<-Uhh...Sorry there, Marc…->” Applejack apologized, but she never stopped staring at the floor beneath her.
Okay, so where was I? Right, Pony Road Trip. Andrew wanted to do this from the very beginning if I remember rightly. We’d decided then that staying in Cape Town would be a wiser decision at the time, because we had a base of safety and knew the area. We all know how that line of logic had ended up.
We traded that all in for two stolen cop cars and the open road. Romantic an idea as that may seem, I was rapidly becoming disillusioned. I was stiff from hours at the wheel, my hands cramping and my legs dead. The only reason my foot still pressed of the accelerator was because it felt like a lump of lead. Which reminds me, follow the speed limit… There were other problems too, like-
“<-Hey Marc, you done yet?->” Rainbow chirped.
Sigh. I looked at her in the rearview mirror, “<-Yeah, sure. I should cut down on those anyways. What’s up, RD?->”
I noticed her scowl as she sat on the rear most bench in the vehicle, rubbing her one wing tenderly. “<-Uh, I was wondering if we were gonna stop anytime soon? I think I really need Fluttershy to take a look at my wing.->”
I slowed down as I looked back with concern. In the heat of the action, we hadn’t really had time to notice if we were all alright. I doubt even RD noticed until the adrenaline had worn off, and then her pride probably didn't let her speak until the pain became untenable. The glow of victory had long since faded: I knew we needed everyone at top shape if we wanted to pull through this. “<-Hey, AJ?->”
The orange mare poked her head over the musty leatherette of the front seat and nodded,“<-Yeah, Marc, Ah got ‘er.->”
Rainbow Dash grumbled, sure, but she didn’t complain when Applejack nosed her over onto the dull steel floor and began massaging the sprained wing. Pinkie Pie looked about anxiously before settling on climbing up front with me. Rainbow Dash’s slightly disturbing groans were partially muffled from where I was, but not quite enough. I understood Pinkie’s escaping; AJ had it covered, and they needed the space back there. Pinkie cast the odd concerned look back at her friends, but when she turned her pink-furred snout in my direction. I tried not to chuckle at her awkward smirk, “<-Sooo…->”
I shifted back up and pulled out onto the highway proper. To our left was the crystal-blue Atlantic Ocean, a heavy salty scent penetrating even the dry dustiness of our truck. A breeze had long since cleared of any sea mists and left us driving along under a glaringly clear sky. To our right rolled plain that couldn't quite decide what colour it wanted to be: dry brown and bright greens mingled in a slightly muddled patchwork right up to the mountains rising in the distance, the verdant spine of the province. Our highway somehow felt like a razor-thin barrier between the ocean and the continent, narrow and constricting, even though it was four lanes wide and empty.
Yeah, I’m a bit of a nervous driver.
I heard a mild cough beside me. Oh, right, Pinkie. “<-So, Pinks...uhh…->”
It was all the invitation she needed. I heard her suck in a great lungful of air as I planted myself firmly in the seat to weather the storm.
“<-Thank you.->”
I blinked at the road ahead. That was it? Huh, I got off lucky. “<-No Problem Pinks…->”
“<-For helping Twilight, I mean.->”
Maybe not so lucky…”<-Yeah, sure thing…->”
“And me when I was sad, that helped a lot.->”
My eye twitched. “<-Pinkie…->”
The air came back out; “And Applejack when she was hatless, you gave her yours, then got hers back and then lost yours again! And I know you haven’t had a lot of time in between being chased by the meanie-weanie uncle of yours and those scary-pants police, but you didn’t stop helping us! Twilight thought you might few times but you never did, even after you lost all your stuff and then your bus and your everything, but you still stopped to show Fluttershy all the birds and braid Applejacks hair which looks really nice still by the way…->”
“<-Thank ya kindly Pinkie!->”
“<-And then you took us out on a trip around the city and that was extra nice and exciting, and you even gave Dashie a hat that made her look absolutely adorable…->”
“<-Hey!->”
I heard a clacking sound of hoof-on-skull, “<-Simmer down, Betsy!->”
“<-My name isn’t…->”
“<-Ah said simmer down!->”
Meanwhile, Pinkie continued unabated; “And then you got us food and showed Twilight that big scary place with weirdo magic and then you nearly got shot but you got us out and then helped Sarah and us and then helped us bake cupcakes and here you are I hope it still tastes good.->”
You have got to be kidding me…
I stared at Pinkie’s hoof incredulously, surprised and slightly affronted at what was there. I’d hoped that her Cloud Storage of material goods had just been one of the show’s quirks. Yet there was a cupcake, lo.
“<-Pinkie,->” I rumbled slowly, “<-If that thing came out of your mane, I’m not going to eat it.->”
“<Hey, I had it in my mane-purse!->” She grumphed. She pulled aside a hoof-full of her mane and exposed a pink-shaded slim bag-thing somehow clipped therein.
You know, that suddenly clarified a lot of things. Ingenious it may be, the logic of it was a slight let-down, not to mention I’d seen the thing before. They’d been in with the scarves, hats and other paraphernalia in the bag that had started this whole business. Also, I now looked like an ass in front of one of my favorite cartoon characters.
Yeah, I can say that with a totally straight face nowadays…
“<-Sorry Pinks, those slipped my mind. And yeah, I’d love one.->”
Now I’m sure you’re all waiting for some fantastical analogy for how much better than mortal food Pinkie’s cupcake is, something to the tune of ‘culinary nirvana’ or some such, but I’m afraid there’s sadly something in the way of this: I’m not really a fan of “Suh-suh-suhWEET!!”
I blearily tried to pull over as the vast, otherworldly quantities of sugar coursed through my body until it reached saturation point. I had this strange image of falling into a fathomless vat of molasses for all eternity before the effects wore off, and I found myself clinging to the steering wheel like a life preserver, gasping against the ebbing tide of sugar my system was trying to handle. I was dimly aware of the truck coasting along the highway, and a hoof rapidly patting on my back, a shrill voice questioning, “<-Hey, Marc? A-are you okay?->”
“<-Y-yeah…->”, I coughed, “<-I-It was just a little sweet for my...my tastes.->”
Pinkie’s expression twisted through confusion, hurt, denial and disappointment. “<-Oh,->” she muttered, “<-That’s okay, too.->” She looked mournfully at the cupcake, and I felt my heart flutter as the truck ground to a halt. “<-Hey, it’s more for me right?->”
I nodded with a benign smile that Pinkie copied as she sniffed the cupcake before...well, she inhaled it more than anything else. What really surprised me was how quickly it reappeared, thankfully aimed precisely out the window, accompanied by Pinkie’s mildly painful-sounding nicker. “<-Oh wow, you were right Marc, *cough*, way too much sugar in there.->”
The engine cut out. Rainbow Dash and Applejack stopped bickering. Even the sea calmed as Applejack’s voice whispered, “<-She said what now?->”
I suddenly felt the familiar pressure somewhere in my head. It felt unsettled, unsure, and maybe a little scared; “<-Marc, I just got the weirdest feeling…->”
<-I know Twi, I know, me too. Why don’t you guys pull over at a roadstop and we’ll meet you there?->”
“<-...okay.->”
Pinkie meanwhile was looking around confusedly. “<-Hey, why’d everypony go so quiet?->”
About ten minutes later we pulled up to a rest stop along the atlantic seaboard. The only thing marking the spot was a slightly wider verge on the side of the road, as if the tar-layer driver had just fallen asleep for a moment and swerved over there. Of course if that was the case then that tar layer had also managed to spit out two sets of concrete benches and a small tree onto the side of the road...this got away from me a little. Anyway It was beside these benches that a slightly scuffed patrol car was parked, and peeking above it were four faces I was glad to see.
Pulling over, I made sure our truck completed a v-formation, screening the ponies between the cars and the sea. I wasn’t terribly surprised when I walked around the front of the car to see Twilight and Rarity looking both Applejack and Pinkie Pie over while Rainbow Dash made uncomplimentary noises under Fluttershy’s sympathetic hooves. Okaaayy, I avoided that. More important was Andrew rabidly waving to me from his perch on a bench by the runty tree in the sand. He seemed happier than he did this morning, which was good. And so I strolled casually over to him, waving, “Heya mate, good to stretch your legs, huh?”
And then I got hit in the face with a sandwich.
Okay, that was weird. I sighed and caught the bread as it fell, barely spilling any of the diced lettuce and cheese as I did. I looked at the store-bought meal and then at Andrew with a raised eyebrow. I took a bite of the sandwich and mumbled, “And that was for?”
“Falling behind all the time!” Andrew threw his hands in the air before pointing at the sandwich I was making inroads upon as if it were a snake, “I got so bored that we even pulled off the highway entirely and stopped in this little town for lunch and bought those sandwiches without you ever even noticing. Damn dude, we’re going slow!”
“Well…” I chuckled abashedly, “You know I’m not much of a driver, but I’m staying in the right lane this time, right?”
Andrew grumbled dismally into his paper cup of cheap as another voice jumped into our conversation.
“Well, it’s not like we know where we’re really going at this point anyway, is it?”
Andrew choked on his coffee as I spun about to face the voice, brandishing my sandwich, “Whoa Twilight, no sneaky! Not cool!”
Twilight’s smirk was at once disarming and slightly annoying. “Well sorry if you get indigestion. But we do need to figure out what we’re going to do now, right? I mean, we’ve run far enough; now we need to know where we’re going.”
I blinked at her. “Fair ‘nuff.” I turned and sat on the bench across from Andrew, leaving Twilight to sit at the end of the table on a tuft of (rare) grass. I laid my sandwich down solemnly and knitted my fingers. “Shall we commence?”
Andrew glowered and Twi rolled her eyes, but she said, “Come on, be serious. I’m getting a little nervous here: just where are we exactly?”
I jumped up and stood one foot on the bench, the other on the table, holding a hand to my forehead as I scanned the full horizon, “A’ter much consideration, Cap’n,” I growled in a brogue, “Ah c’n sae Ah rally ‘ave no’ a wee idea!”
Andrew leaned towards Twilight, saying in a stage whisper, “Forgive him, he gets like this if the crazy is bottled up too long.”
With a snort of laughter I dropped back into my seat, “Heh, I can see that. But seriously, I have no idea where we are, other than somewhere up the west coast, three hours out from Cape Town.”
“Two hours, mate,” Andrew cut in, “You spent the rest stuck between third and fourth.”
“Enough ragging on my driving, okay?” I groused, “Just get to the mapspeak ya git.”
Andrew and Twilight both had a chuckle at my expense before Andrew got his act together and spat out some info, “Yzerfontein is about a half-hour ahead of us, Darling to the east. I guestimating we’re an hour and a half to two hours south of Langabaan right now.”
That certain piece of info jumped out in my head, “Hey, we’re close to Mykonos!”
Twilight looked a little confused, but Andrew looked…well, he looked blank. “Yep, he’s lost ‘em. Someone fetch a straightjacket.”
“Wait…” Twilight waved wings and hooves in the air, “What’s going on?!”
“Marc thinks we’re in Greece.” Andrew added. The other ponies were gathering around the scene now; Rainbow Dash, wing still looking a little stiff but much better, jumped up with Pinkie Pie on Andrew’s bench, leaving Rarity and Applejack looking somewhat awkward as they both climbed up beside me on mine. I was sad for a moment, remembering Andrew couldn’t talk to them. He and AJ would have a blast talking farming. Except Andrew is in the lamb and beef business…maybe not such a good idea…Luckily though, The four were rather looking expectantly at Fluttershy at the other end of the table as she started telling a tale involving an otter and a pesky hummingbird, leaving Twi, Andrew and myself to the organization side of things.
I returned to the conversation to hear Andrew’s next words, “There is no chance in hell of us being anywhere near the island of Mykonos, dude.”
“Not greek Mykonos,” I huffed, “Club Mykonos, here on the west coast! My mother has shares in a housing estate there.”
Andrew and Twilight perked up considerably. Twilight leaded forward, asking, “So…you’re saying there’s a place for us to stay nearby?”
Oh wow…Now I’d fucked up… “Aheh,” I shuffled away from impending wrath, “I just said my mother had shares, just little ones! And after all, the place isn’t…well, built yet, they hadn’t even started last time we visited the place last year. So no, nowhere to stay.”
Andrew looked mildly disappointed, and I couldn’t see Twilight’s face because she’d whacked a hoof into it in exasperation. “Well then why are you telling us?!”
Andrew, though, recognized the look on my face from experience, and reacted appropriately; “Noooooooooooononono NO! Whatever you’re thinking, no. No more of your plans! I want to LIIIIIVE!!”
…I’m not the only one who can be a bit over-dramatic.
With a carefully practiced reasonable voice, I said, “Hey, all I was thinking is that a fancy-pants place like Club Mykonos always has a fancy overseas security force, right? The kind that’s really hard to buy off.”
Andrew glared suspiciously.
Twilight though, looked enthused, “Hmm…that doesn’t sound like too bad an idea…”
“They never do til we actually try them.” Andrew spat.
Twilight overrode him, “But we do need more of a plan than hoping for sanctuary. This world of yours does not seem quite that kind.”
“Quite right,” I continued in the same tone, “But with a little Twilight magic flashy bang-pop-whizz, we’ll be in there in no time at all!”
Twilight’s ears flicked at that, “Um, I don’t think that’s going to work.” She looked down and placed a hoof on the table, “I used up a lot of my reserves in the escape and…well, up there on the mountain, I felt like there was real native magic. It wasn’t massive, but it helped a lot. I haven’t felt another source of energy like that since.”
“So we go east, then,” Andrew pointed at the mountains high in the distance, “If mountains equals magic, then I’m all for it.”
“The bones of the earth breaking its own skin, pushing the veins of the Mother to within our grasp,” I muttered. Both Twi and Andrew stared at me, shocked, “Or to within Twilight’s at least. But you guys have forgotten one thing,” Time for the finisher… “Just off the west coast is the continental shelf, the oldest, cleanest current in the south atlantic, and, of course, Club Mykonos is right on top of one of the biggest marine conservancies on this side of the continent.” I grinned, “The Mountains may be the bones of the earth, but the ocean currents are its lifeblood. If’ there’s going to be power, it will be there.”
Andrew looked like he was about to argue.
“…not to mention ponies on jet skis would be literally the best thing ever.”
Andrew shut up.
Twilight looked thoughtful. “Well…ponies know next to nothing about the mechanics of oceans. Most are scared of any deep water, let alone the sea. But it does make sense; most of the world is under the water, why not most of the magic?”
“Exactly!” I crowed, “And jet skis!”
“What’s a jet ski?” Twilight finally asked.
“A small and very fast boat built like a motorcycle and just as liable to fall over.” Andrew explained. Twilight suddenly looked a lot less interested.
“…Lets focus on finding some magic to tap into.”
By the time we finished, Applejack was nudging me in the ribs, “<-So what exactly are ya’ll talkin’ ‘bout up there?->”
“AJ scared of deep water?” I shot to Twi, to which she nodded. I turned back to Applejack. “<-We’re talking about going out to the ocean. The deep, deeeep ocean, no land in sight, not for miles. Yup, ocean. Deep ocean.->”
AJ probably would have punched me if she could get her hooves to move.
I kinda figured: Earth Ponies have a connection to the Earth, not large bodies of definitely-not-earth. The others though, didn’t seem to mind.
Rarity almost instantly brightened. “Oh, how wonderful! I hear the seaside is wonderful this time of year!->
“<-Late Autumn?->” Twilight snarked.
Rarity was already off describing seashells and how she’d never trotted in the surf, while Fluttershy clapped her hooves and squee’d about ‘all the little ocean critters’ and Rainbow Dash bragged about chasing the surf into rainbows. Pinkie was going on about beach parties and pirates, a train of logic I found wonderful and slightly terrifying. Applejack just stared at the table and cursed in unbecoming ponyspeak. Andrew was grousing about logistical difficulties, which made no sense, while Twilight and I got to the actually important business: The Plan.
“Right, so where are we gonna stay?” Twi asked, leaning towards me.
“Houseboat.” I muttered, “Club Mykonos is a greek-themed holiday resort, so even if we could get into a proper chalet there, we’d be stuck in narrow winding pathways if we had to run away. The houseboats on the other hand are right in the harbor, in the open, with plenty of room either side, if I remember correctly. We can just cut and run out the harbor too. Calling a fog then would hide us completely!”
“And how would we get onto one of those?” Twilight prompted, still looking dubious.
“Houseboats are privately owned and seasonally used. Right now it’s out of season. All of them will be empty. And we’re in cop cars, so we’ll be allowed to drive onto the wharf, which overlooks the houseboats directly. We just need to drop onto the emptiest looking one and stay quiet enough not to be noticed.”
Andrew grimaced and crossed his arms. “This plan makes real actual honest to god sense. Someone’s going to end up shot.”
The water washes back, and I'm standing under the light, the shout and the crack that drops me to the bare sand in gasping pain. The world swirls, and suddenly, I'm watching the wet bedraggled figure bent low over the lit white sand, the water pulled back from him to reveal a growing pool of an even darker liquid. And then the world goes white.
What…what made me remember that, now of all times? That stupid dream had been painfully niggling at the back of my head since it had spawned itself. Now that bugger wouldn’t leave me alone. I shook it off and shot right back at Andrew, “Well, at least I came up with a plan to get us out of this mess, Mr I-want-a-scenic-drive-at-the-worst-possible-time!”
“Well…” Andrew’s tone dropped suddenly. I realized too late how guilty he must have felt about nearly getting us all caught. “I just thought having a recognizable vehicle like that was a bad idea. I had this stupid dream about us being caught in it, and then I nearly made that happen trying to stop it. I’m sorry, okay?”
Did he just say…?
“You had a dream?” Twilight asked, low. Andrew sort-of maybe partially slightly nodded in assent, and Twilight sucked in a breath before saying, “So did I.”
Weirdness level...only slightly higher than normal, actually, but still weird. “I dreamed we were surrounded by smoke and flashing lights all around, running through a forest.” She whispered, “Only after I raised the fog and saw the police cars did I think there might be a connection between the two. I thought I was just being paranoid.” She turned to me expectantly, “You didn’t have a dream too, did you?”
I blinked at her.
The black water sloughs back and forth in agitation as beams of light crawl down like an illuminating curtain to halt just above my head, setting the air ablaze while the water turns black as pitch.
I blinked again. “Not in the slightest, Twilight. You guys must just have nerves. C’mon, we need to get moving.”
I felt Twilight in my head, not digging around, just aware. Her expression shifted slightly, “Marc, are you-”
I stood up quickly, dusting myself off and thinking different thoughts. “Perfectly fine! Do you guys want to get there late? Cuz with my driving we’ll get there at midnight at this rate. <-Let’s go everypony!->”
Twilight didn’t buy it. Neither did Andrew. The rest of them didn’t even know what we were talking about and they looked dubious. But as we piled into our cars and set off down the road, I my conviction held. Prophetic dreams were fantasy; we did not need any more of that right now.
