> Relics and Writeoff Stories > by FloydienSlip > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Cluster W: Prologue - Signs of Life > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was as though the sea had flooded Canterlot and was lapping at the sides of every building and street, save for the fact that it was not water, but ponies. Thousands of them, from all over Equestria, had turned out to witness Princess Celestia give a speech for the first time in a month. It was unusual for her to remain silent for so long, and even more bizarre for her to not answer any questions pertaining to the wielders of the Elements during her day court. Though practically every other question was directed towards them, Celestia did not answer a single one, instead replying to the asking pony that they would find out in time. "Welcome, dear subjects. Thank you all for being here today. I'm sure you're all wondering about our resident celebrities and their current state of being. Before that, however, I must get the formalities out of the way. Allow me to introduce my dear sister, Princess Luna." The crowd roared its approval as the alicorn of the night appeared alongside her sister, blushing slightly. Celestia waited for the noise to die down before speaking again. "Secondly, allow me to introduce Dis-" A wild, evil-sounding laugh filled the air, cutting the princess' sentence short. Suddenly, the street below the alicorns turned to ice, causing several unfortunate collisions and mishaps, including one poor DJ who accidentally dropped her bass when a famous cellist skated into her head-on. Celestia groaned and shook her head. Horn lighting up, she quickly reverted the road to its original state, shooting daggers at the creature hovering in the air beside her. "That's not funny, that's just chaotic." "And funny!" replied the deer-goat-snake-lion-eagle-lizard-bat-pony with a grin. Sighing, Celestia gave up and turned her attention to the crowd once more. "Allow me to get straight to the point. The bearers of the Elements of Harmony are no longer present in Ponyville. In fact, as far as I know, they are not even in Equestria any more. That is not to say that they have... passed on, merely that they are not with us at this point in time." Princess Celestia received several confused looks from the ponies in the crowd, who had taken to whispering amongst themselves. Attempting to further explain, she cleared her throat and spoke again. "The bearers are not here. They are... elsewhere, currently." "Does that mean they're dead?" asked a mint-colored unicorn that Celestia did not recognize. The crowd let out a simultaneous gasp of shock and horror, their whispers quickly escalating into shouts. The solar princess flushed and raised a hoof for silence, before gesturing to the draconequus sitting nearby. "Perhaps Discord can better clarify the situation," she said, casting a hopeful glance at the creature in question. Discord sighed and stood up from his seat, cracking his back as he did so. "You owe me one, Celestia," he whispered to her before taking Celestia's spot at the podium. "Hello, hello, ponies of Equestria. Formal introduction, yada, yada." He looked at Celestia, who was glaring at him. "What?" he asked innocently. "It's boring! Everyone here knows who I am! You made sure of that!" He cleared his throat and turned back to the crowd. "Now that that's out of the way, let me explain the situation to all you ponies. Last month, Celestia received a letter from her precious little student, Twilight Sparkle. Element of Magic, and all that happy hoo-ha." Ignoring the annoyed looks from the princesses, he continued. "She wanted to let her teacher know that she and her friends were planning on leaving." He paused and spat the next word. "Permanently." The resulting uproar from the crowd drowned out even Luna's attempts to make herself heard with her Royal Canterlot Voice. Shouts of distress and anger echoed around the streets of Canterlot, rebounding back to the noisy gathering and adding to the excitement and confusion. Several ponies, all pegasi, inadvertently started a fight when they bumped into Prince Blueblood and caused him to fall down into an open sewer grate. After the squabble was broken up, Celestia was able to make herself heard once more. "First of all, you're not helping, Discord." The god of chaos cackled with glee, before noticing Celestia's icy stare. He quickly shrugged and adopted an apologetic look that disappeared when the princess turned her back. "Secondly, I... honestly have no idea whether the bearers are alive or not. I can no longer detect their presence in Equestria, but I would not like to jump to any conclusions, as the evidence for either side is inconclusive." "What do you mean, 'inconclusive?'" inquired a lavender blue pegasus with a golden mane, her eyes locked onto Luna's posterior. The princess of the sun shuddered before answering. "What remains of the bearers—which is very little, mind you—could be interpreted in two different ways. First, they may have perished in the rapids, which is supported by an emerald necklace recovered by Seapony Team 4 and several apples. However, the wielders may have also survived, as the seapony team was unable to find any trace of the Mane Six's bodies." Celestia sighed, lost in thought. "There are a couple of things that neither my sister nor I can determine. The first was spotted on the shore near the river. A few shards of glass were located after Luna noticed light glinting off of the coast. The second is more puzzling; a plank of wood, cut in half, was found submerged in the mud of the river. Judging by the quality of the wood, it could not have been underwater for more than several hours." Addressing the mare again, Celestia's voice took on a humble tone. "I'm sorry I cannot be of more assistance, but—" The mare in question interrupted Celestia by snorting loudly and sitting up, apparently having fallen asleep. "Land ho! I'm awake!" Luna sidled up to her sister. "We... I... think it's about time we finish this, dear sister. Our little ponies are getting restless, and it is nearly time for... me... to raise the moon." Surprised, Celestia glanced up at the sky, now light yet rich shade of indigo. Nodding in accordance, Celestia cleared her throat once more. "My little ponies, it is getting late. I have no desire to further trouble you this evening, and I advise all of you to not be worried about the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Rest assured, the Elements themselves still remain here, in the royal vault. If necessary, and only as a last resort, my sister and I can harness the power of the Elements to thwart any danger to Equestria." Celestia yawned and cracked her neck. "I officially declare this meeting adjourned. Thank you for attending." As the crowd gradually thinned, Luna took Celestia aside for a moment. "You did well, sister. I must admit, I was doubtful of your capabilities to convince these ponies. Not to mention that blue lavender pegasus..." Luna suddenly giggled. "Did you notice the manner in which she-" "Yes, Luna. It was a bit... disturbing, to say the least." Celestia rolled her eyes. "Nevertheless, I'm glad that you think I did alright. I was very nervous about the bearers' situation." "Just remember," interrupted a male voice, "that I broke the tension." "That is utterly untrue, Discord," groaned Celestia. "I must agree with you, sister. It only served to agitate the crowd." Chaos incarnate chortled with delight. "It did, didn't it? That's good, you know. I was becoming quite bored with your speech, Celestia." He smirked and continued. "And you know that every word I said was true." "To a degree," admitted Celestia. "But you could have been much more... oh, what's the word...?" "Diplomatic?" suggested Luna. "Mature," said Celestia to Discord, who merely laughed and zoomed back inside the palace. Celestia watched him leave, and a sigh escaped her lips. "I truly worry about his mental state at times." Luna chuckled. "Fear not, sister. Though Discord is a... very unique creature, that does not mean that he has only malice and chaos inside him." She rolled her jaw before speaking again. "Think about it like this: If I gave you the power to eat as much cake as you want-" "Luna!" "-you might get a stomachache and view me as evil for casting this spell on you," Luna continued, ignoring the interruption. "But if I also gave you medicine to help alleviate your cramp, the two acts would nullify each other, correct?" After thinking for a moment, Celestia nodded. "Of course. Continue, sister." Luna smiled. "Ever since he was reformed, Discord has followed the same path. Verily, he occasionally gets up to his old tricks, but now he takes responsibility for his actions with usually nothing more than several complaints. Those two actions together show that while he is far from perfect, he is learning and gaining in mental stability. Celestia blinked. "You're right, Luna. I should not focus on Discord right now." She sighed, thinking of six ponies, some of the best ponies and friends that she had ever met over the course of her lifetime. One by one, they faded away, revealing the night behind them. Looking up, she could almost make out their shapes among the stars. "Is something troubling you, sister?" asked Luna, the slightest hint of concern in her face. "N-no, nothing at all, sister," replied Celestia quickly. Luna stared at her for a moment, then spoke again, a triumphant smirk on her face. "You've always been a horrible liar, sister. Tell me what is plaguing your conscience." Defeated, Celestia slumped and sat down. "Though you may think me foalish for saying so, as you just told me otherwise, I do not believe that some of those ponies believed my story about Twilight and her companions." Luna nodded. "Understandable, sister. Do you wish to discuss this more?" Celestia nodded, and the pair headed inside. Neither looked back. > Cluster W: I > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Git along, little dogie!" "I have a mother, don'tcha know!" Apple Bloom flushed, embarrassed by her mistake. "Heh, sorry." She watched as the not-orphaned calf hurried on home to its mother, then turned back to her farm. Her farm. The yellow mare felt a surge of pride at calling Sweet Apple Acres her own, though she still felt as though her big sister should be running it, what with Big Mac on his honeymoon in Las Pegasus. She giggled at the thought of her relatively silent brother and former schoolteacher going wild at the casinos, watching bits pouring out in buckets from the slot machines. Wiping the sweat from her brow and trying her best to ignore the heat of the midday sun, Apple Bloom cantered over to the west field, checking to see if the trees had started to produce the beginnings of apples. Wandering across the fields and noting the small, hard green apples and the late buds, a happy thought crossed Apple Bloom's mind. Summer was here. Not just summer, either, not this year, but the epitome of summer, high green perfect central Equestria dead-smash in the middle of August, white sun glaring out of that fabled faded azure sky, the sound of foals shouting back and forth at the top of the hill, the clink! of bits from the open market on the other side of the town, the sound of trains, the sound of hoofball scrimmages in the park, and surrounding everything like an auditory edging of lace, the soothing, silky drips of watering cans. Summer in Ponyville, oh boy, can you dig it. It was still too early for apple bucking, but Apple Bloom could wait. She'd grown up and matured a lot since her days as a schoolfilly. Stubborn as ever, of course, but more patient than she had once been. Instead of going into town, Apple Bloom surprised herself by going back inside the farmhouse where Granny Smith—old as always, but hardly feeble—was waiting for her with a lemonade, chilled and with a twist of apple. Smiling her thanks at the green earth pony, Apple Bloom took a sip, quite tentative at first, before grinning widely and downing the entire glass. The tartness of the lemonade made her mouth pucker, but refreshed her all the same. The apple twist (just how she liked it: zesty) added a much needed sweetness to the drink, leaving Apple Bloom craving more. She knew better than to drink too much of that particular beverage, however, so she waved to Granny Smith and trotted out of the house. After thinking for a moment, she turned and headed for the library. Summer yes, but not just summer; this was August 15th, the highest point of summer, in an Equestrian town where most foals go to watch hoofball games and participate in the Summer Reading Program at the Books and Branches. One pony in particular was busy sorting a fairly sizable stack of brand-new books, arranging them how her mentor had shown her: alphabetical by subject. Sweetie Belle had long questioned why the pages of information were not placed by author, but when a certain pink mare had shown up a few months ago, Twilight had pointed out that Pinkie was able to find everything perfectly when arranged by subject, and Sweetie, ever so polite, had complied with little complaint. Those days were gone, but nothing had really changed since the sudden absence of the Mane Six. Sure, it was quieter without Twilight lecturing or Pinkie being her usual boisterous self, but it felt good to have a clear head for once. Sweetie knew all too well that if Twilight were here, she'd be trying to rope the younger unicorn into some new technologically advanced project. Her ears perked up when a knock came from the door. "It's open!" Sweetie Belle called. "Believe it or not, this is actually a functioning library now," she murmured to herself, chuckling. The front door swung open to reveal a sweaty Apple Bloom, adjusting her faded bow. "Howdy, Sweetie Belle! How ya doin'?" "Oh, you know," replied Sweetie, shrugging. "Pretty well. Shelving books and all that. How about you?" "Not bad, still waitin' fer Applebuck season to start. I'm gettin' a bit antsy." They shared a laugh at Apple Bloom's expense. "You? You're one of the most patient ponies I know." The earth pony grinned. "Well, even Ah get a little on the impatient side every now and then. Anyway, Ah wanted to ask you somethin', if ya don't mind." "Shoot." "You were at the Princess' speech thing, right?" "Of course... why?" Apple Bloom's smile was completely gone, replaced by a look of grim seriousness. "Well... did ya get the feelin' that maybe she wasn't tellin' us everything she knew? When she talked about the glass and wood, Ah reckoned she knew a hay of a lot more than what she let on." Sweetie Belle slowly nodded. "I'm glad I wasn't the only one who got that feeling. I've had a constant nagging, an insatiable feeling that Twilight and the others..." She paused to take a deep breath before continuing. "That Twilight and the others are still alive." Thankfully, the floor of the library was enchanted to prevent it from taking damage, as Apple Bloom's jaw hit it pretty hard. "Surely... you can't be serious!" "I am serious... and don't call me Shirley," replied Sweetie Belle, a brief smirk gracing her features. Apple Bloom facehoofed. "How can you say that, Sweetie Belle? There's no way in Tartarus that they could've survived those rapids!" "Actually, there are several ways to avoid danger while falling from a high altitude. The first only works if you're a pegasus, and deals with catching thermal updrafts in order to-" Apple Bloom pretended to yawn loudly, earning her an annoyed look from an embarrassed Sweetie Belle. "What I'm saying is that there are multiple scenarios that could have played out depending on what Twilight and the rest of the group had in mind." "You mean if they wanted to make it look like they-" "Exactly." Apple Bloom was stunned. Slowly, she sat down and tilted her head to the side, thinking about Sweetie Belle's theory. After a while, she looked at her old friend. "Ah think you might be on to somethin', Sweetie." She cracked her neck. "But still. What are we gonna do about it?" Sweetie Belle smiled. "I've already come up with a plan to find my big sis and the others. You know how I've been training Dinky to run the library?" The earth pony nodded. "Well, I got her to run the library for the next few weeks as part of her training." "Is it actually part of her trainin'?" "No," said Sweetie Belle with a devious smirk on her face. Apple Bloom laughed. "Alright, but what about me? I've got a farm to run!" "Way ahead of you. Braeburn had offered to help take care of Granny Smith and watch the farm a while back, remember? I took him up on his offer, and he should be here by tomorrow." Surprised, Apple Bloom stared at the unicorn. "You've really thought this out, haven't you?" "Fully. I had a great teacher, so that helped too." "What makes you think I'd want to tag along, Sweetie Belle?" "It's better than sitting around on the farm and watching apples grow, isn't it?" asked Sweete Belle pointedly. The earth pony flushed, embarrassed. "Well, when ya put it that way..." Sweetie Belle merely smiled. "Come on, you silly filly. I need to meet somepony to get some supplies and other assorted... things for the trip." The two ponies, the best of friends, walked out the door of the library, not bothering to lock the door behind them. Oh gosh, it was summertime, summertime, sum-sum-summertime, and in Ponyville the living was easy. Sugarcube Corner was booming as usual, and near Carousel Boutique, a mint green unicorn shivered in the heat and clutched an onyx instrument closer to her body. Davenport was standing in front of Sofas and Quills, hawking wildly to the passerby to buy one cotton-filled sofa at a low, low price and get two quills absolutely free (ink sold separately). Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, though tempted to take a quick peek, opted to continue on to their destination, a run-down chariot garage. The corrugated aluminum siding had once been a light navy, but was now reduced to a pale blue with spots of rust. Faded letters above a wide door read "Mr. Sweeney's Carriage Body Shop." Sweetie Belle approached the door, knocking loudly. A few seconds later, a voice rang out. "Come in, come in!" Gesturing to Apple Bloom, Sweetie entered the garage. Glancing up, she noticed a single lantern illuminating an otherwise dark and dreary atmosphere. Apple Bloom coughed at the dust her hoofsteps kicked up, shooting a questioning glance at Sweetie Belle, who had stopped suddenly. The unicorn pointed with her hoof at a moving blue shape towards the back of the garage. After a little while, the shape backed up, holding a screwdriver in its teeth. Apple Bloom realized that it was a pony, apparently fooling around with some mechanical contraption or another. After looking at Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom started to trot towards the blue pony, who upon closer inspection turned out to be a mare. "Screw!" Sweetie Belle called out. The blue mare looked over her shoulder and stared, confused, at the pair of ponies approaching her. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" "It's me, Sweetie Belle. Oh, and my friend Apple Bloom." The yellow earth pony stretched out a hoof. "Howdy." Screw Loose looked at the hoof, then bumped it once from above and once from below before slapping it. Wincing slightly, Apple Bloom withdrew her hoof as though she'd been burned. "Ow!" "What?" asked the blue mare innocently. "Are you alright? What happened?" Apple Bloom gaped at her. "You just hoofbumped me really, really hard." "Hmm... nope, I don't remember that. Who are you, again?" "Apple Bloom! Sweetie Belle just told you that!" "Sweetie... that sounds familiar..." Apple Bloom looked ready to explode. Sweetie Belle, meanwhile, had watched the entire situation while trying to hide an enormous grin from spreading across her face. She eventually decided that it was time to bring a halt to the cheeky and fun shenanigans. "Screw Loose, righty-tighty." The blue mare recoiled as if struck by lightning, then stood stock still for a moment. She then looked up at Sweetie Belle, her eyes widening in recognition. "Sweetie! How ya doin'? I haven't seen you in forever!" The unicorn chuckled. "Well, thanks. Yourself?" "Ah, same old, same old. You know how it goes. Tinkering, eating, tinkering, sleeping... more tinkering." "Same old Screw Loose," said Sweetie Belle with a laugh. "Have you met my friend Apple Bloom?" "Of course she h-" The indignant mare was cut off by a look from Sweetie Belle, who shook her head. "Pleased to meet you, Apple Bloom! Any friend of Sweetie is a friend of mine!" The blue mare hoofbumped the yellow mare gently before resuming her focus on Sweetie Belle. "So, what can I do for you, Sweetie?" The unicorn looked to the left, to the right, and behind her before answering in a whisper. "Apple Bloom and I are going on a... rescue mission of sorts. You remember Scootaloo?" The blue mare nodded. "We're meeting up with her later. Anything new you have—that works, mind you—would be much appreciated." The blue mare frowned. "Why should help you? You haven't even told me what this mission of yours is." Sweetie Belle groaned. "Look, it's secret, okay? Not even Scootaloo knows yet." "I thought you said you were meeting up with her later," said Screw Loose, confused. "We are. She just doesn't know it yet. Apple Bloom and I are going to make... quite the entrance, for better or for worse." Sweetie Belle sighed. "Screw, I'm calling in a solid you owe me." Screw Loose threw up her hooves in defeat. "What do you need?" "Weapons and defense. What do you got that works?" The blue mare thought for a minute, hooves on her head. Suddenly, she gave a sly smile. "Let me think..." > Cluster W: II > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “What does this do, Screw Loose?” “It fires off rapid bolts of mana. Don’t touch it.” “What about this?” “That is a chemical compound that can disintegrate your body with a single drop. Don’t touch it.” “What about this?” “It transcends time and space. Don’t touch it.” Sweetie Belle’s eyes grew wide. “Are you sure? Please? You could go meet your male self in an alternate universe! Wouldn’t that be cool?” “No.” “Please?” “No.” Sweetie Belle muttered something regarding Screw Loose’s idea of fun before falling silent. Glancing around the workshop “Please?” Screw Loose sighed in exasperation. “For the last time, no! It’s just a prototype, and I’m still trying to work out all the kinks in it.” Sweetie huffed. “Alright, I won’t touch it! You don’t need to be so paranoid, Screw.” Sighing, she pulled over a chair from a desk that was nearly hidden by diagrams, blueprints, and papers marred with ink. Shoving some of the clutter out of the way, Sweetie carefully propped her back hooves on the wooden surface and leaned back in her chair, giving the impression of an editor-in-chief in charge of a popular newspaper, sans cigar. Apple Bloom huffed with annoyance as she waited for Sweetie Belle to finish talking to Screw Loose. Sweetie and Screw had been in the workshop for about an hour and a half, and Apple Bloom had no idea what could be taking the two mares so long in there. She kicked a rock and watched it bounce erratically across the well-trodden dirt road. It wasn’t fair that she couldn’t go in with Sweetie Belle; after all, they had been friends for years. Still, Apple Bloom had never heard of Screw Loose before today, and she didn’t quite trust the blue pony after the powerful hoofbump she’d been dealt. Screw Loose also seemed a bit... off, somehow. Apple Bloom couldn’t quite put her hoof on it, but her behavior before the phrase that Sweetie Belle had said seemed questionable at best. The mere fact that Screw Loose didn’t remember who Sweetie Belle was raised several alarms in Apple Bloom’s mind. Apple Bloom bit her lip, unable to decide what to do. On one hoof, she could tell Sweetie how she felt about Screw Loose. It would help to calm herself down, for sure. But Apple Bloom had always trusted her friend’s judgment, and to directly challenge her like that might risk the carefully maintained friendship the two had kept over the years. Alternatively, Apple Bloom could simply go along with Sweetie Belle, though this path also had several issues. For one (and the main reason of conflict between the two choices), her skepticism and distrust would remain unassuaged. However, it was the easier of the two choices to pick, and Apple Bloom simply couldn’t decide what to do. Presently, she heard a series of unfortunate-sounding crashes and thuds, followed by a grunt of pain. Glancing up through a grimy window, Apple Bloom could just make out Screw Loose holding her right rear hoof in her front hooves, hopping around in pain. Despite herself, Apple Bloom chuckled at the sight before trotting over near the entrance. “Is everypony alright in there?” she called, suppressing a giggle. “Yes, yes, I’m fine,” replied Screw Loose faintly, though the irritation was clear in her voice. “I should really get around to moving these boxes somewhere else where they can’t fall on unsuspecting feet.” Apple Bloom heard a faint laugh, easily recognizable as Sweetie Belle’s. Even after all these years, she had still kept remnants of the high pitched squeals that had dominated her laughter. It made her smile for a brief period, but then she remembered that she still had to wait for Sweetie and Screw to finish doing... well, whatever it was that they were doing. Despite what she had said to Sweetie, Apple Bloom was really not a patient pony. She was a lot like her sister, in a way. Applejack used to have arguments with Rainbow Dash all the time, even before they became closer. In fact, Apple Bloom remembered her big sis tell her what had nearly happened at Appleloosa, how she and Rainbow Dash had had an argument over which people should keep the land, forcing Twilight to intervene. Of course, that particular incident was more a show of stubbornness... Apple Bloom sighed, unable to stop tears from forming. She really missed Applejack and all of her mannerisms, no matter how much she denied it in front of her friends. AJ was the perfect sister. She had always taken care of Apple Bloom since she could remember. Her earliest memories had Applejack, puffy-eyed and sniffling, smiling warmly down at her. The orange mare had been strong and dependable and fiercely loyal, second only to Rainbow Dash. Apple Bloom could not understand why a pony like Applejack would suddenly go missing. As far as she knew, her big sister had no real enemies (except for maybe Discord and Chrysalis, but neither of them really counted) and had always loved working on Sweet Apple Acres. What Apple Bloom was certain about, however, was that it had everything to do with the two letters that her sister and Rainbow had received last month. Coincidentally (or was it? thought Apple Bloom), Applejack and the rest of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony had gone missing on the very same day. If it hadn’t been for the senders of those envelopes, Apple Bloom would not have ordinarily been so confused. But Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy? What they could possibly have to do with the disappearances, apart from the fact that they, too, had vanished? An electric hum filled the air. Apple Bloom raised her head and glanced at the building in front of her. Were it not for the blue sparks that appeared to be generated by the walls themselves, she would have probably just ignored the noise. As she watched, utterly entranced by the electric display, a single sapphiric bolt, crackling like mad, shot out of the workshop and surged towards downtown Ponyville. Apple Bloom’s eyes widened. “Uh oh.” Ditzy Doo bit into an apple cinnamon muffin, sighing happily as she did so. Of all the muffins that she had ever tasted, this flavor was by far her favorite. It also happened to be a specialty of Sugarcube Corner. Freshly picked Cortlands from Ponyville’s own Sweet Apple Acres and cinnamon bark from Bon Bon’s private garden were the key ingredients in the delicious confection. Her mane and tail lifted involuntarily. Ditzy paused mid-chew and looked upward at her mane. Tentatively, she placed a hoof on her head, noting the static electricity that appeared to be present. Placing her muffin on a table for the time being, she looked around the pastry shop in an attempt to locate the source of the static. > Applejack Learns to Play the Banjo > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Applejack stretched her back left leg as far as it could go, sighing in relief when she heard the cracks and pops of her back. She did the same with each of her other legs, her muscles visibly straining. A shake of her mane, and she stood upright on the ladder, smiling at the freshly painted barn. Good red paint was hard to come by. It was anypony’s guess as to why. Reaching for the basket next to her, she picked up a rather large pear. She took a bite, relishing the delicious, moist flavor of the fruit. “Hi, Applejack!” Choking, Applejack let out a series of violent coughs as she attempted to dislodge the chunk of pear from her throat. After about a minute, Applejack swallowed the fruit and cleared her throat, muttering all the while. She wheeled around to face Pinkie, who was making a face that was somewhere between an enormous smile and a polite grimace, like she had just swallowed a can of red paint. Applejack glared at her before making her way down the ladder. “Lands’ sakes, Pinkie! You nearly gave me a hernia!” Applejack said, pushing a protrusion near her rear left leg back into her body. Grumbling, she made her way down the ladder. “What can I do you for?” “I’ve got a super important question that needs an answer or else I’ll go com-pletely crazy!” Pinkie exclaimed, jumping out of her skin with wet, squishing noises. “Pinkie,” Applejack sighed. She really didn’t want to have to deal with Pinkie right now. “Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top and extra rainbow sprinkles?” “Pinkie!” Pinkie froze. “Yeeeeee—” Applejack’s eyes rolled up into her sockets as she involuntarily let out a high-pitched whine. “—eeeeees?” Once her eyes had refocused, Applejack’s brow furrowed as she looked at Pinkie. “What, exactly, is this ‘super important question?’” she asked. Pinkie’s eyes lit up and she gave a big grin. “Oh! Remember how a while ago you were playing a banjo on the cart we were taking to Golden Delicious’ hoard?” “Her what?” “Her house! You know, with all the cats and heirlooms?” “Know what, never mind. And wasn’t that just—” she glanced at the sun and chewed her lip “—a few hours ago?” Pinkie tilted her head to the side. “Yeah? I wasn’t sure how good your memory was, but that wasn’t my question, silly!” “Consarn it, spit it out already!” Applejack’s normally happy face contorted into one of rage. Blood vessels at the corners of her eyes threatened to burst. “How did you learn to play it?” Pinkie asked, raising one eyebrow. “Play what?” “The banjo, of course! I’ve never seen anypony else ever play it ever!” “Oh, you mean this banjo right here?” “Oooh, squelchy!” Pinkie said as Applejack gently pulled the stringed instrument out of her ear, so as not to cause too much more brain damage. “Yep, that’s the one!” “Well, shucks, Pinkie, that’s an awful long story. You sure you wanna hear it?” “Yeparooni!” She bounced in anticipation. Applejack grinned. “Alright, if you say so. It all started about seven years ago…” ------------------- “Ahaha! I bet your granny could push harder than that!” The mare let out another round of raucous laughter as the stallion seated across from her began to pour sweat. With a mighty push, she slammed his foreleg down on the hardwood table, marring its surface with a leg-shaped dent. As the stallion clutched his mangled limb, tears streaming down his face, the mare plucked a burlap bag full of bits from the center of the table and stowed it away in her duster. She raised the hat on her head and smiled at the stallion. “Thank you kindly, uh… what was your name, again?” “G-g-glass Joe,” stuttered the stallion, attempting to hold back a shriek as the mare vigorously shook his hoof. “Thank you, Glass. Anyone else fancy a go at hoofwrestling?!” she roared across the tavern. Apart from the sound of Joe fainting behind the mare, the tavern was silent. > Just Ribbin' Ya (rough draft) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Applejack smashed a pie into the skeleton pirate’s face. “These fellas sure—ungh!— have a bone to pick with us!” Pinkie jumped onto the springboard, launching two cupcakes high into the air. Rainbow Dash did a backflip and kicked the pastries directly into the sockets of another skeleton, who clattered in pain and fell to the ground. “I know, right?” said Twilight, who was busy stuffing black powder into a fresh batch of peach scones. “I don’t what’s gotten into these numbskulls for them to attack us like this!” Fluttershy frowned under the light of the full moon. “I hope we won’t need to use the Elements against this skeleton crew…” “Fluttershy, dear,” admonished Rarity, who found herself surrounded by five lanky skeletons, “I think that the six of us are more than capable of besting these boneheads!” Jumping to her hooves, Rarity executed the Roundhouse Whirlwind Maneuver™, sending the skeletons flying off in separate directions. “Look!” cried Pinkie, pointing dramatically at a spot just over the horizon. “It’s Spike! And he’s brought custard danishes!” Sure enough, a whelp was waddling wearily with waxing wheezes. Twilight rolled her eyes and concentrated. With a loud pop, the dragon fell a full foot forward, feeling friction form. In a flash, he stood up and threw the desserts at Twilight, who caught them and began their rapid discharge. “For a bunch of spooky bones, these guys sure are spineless!” Pinkie giggled. “Heh, yeah!” said Rainbow Dash. “They’re so brain-dead!” Applejack stopped and winced. “Those are zombies, Rainbow.” She bent over the remains of one of the skeletons and stuck a few bones into the skull. “Boooo…” said Fluttershy, shaking her head. “W-well… skeletons don’t have brains either, do they?!” Rainbow Dash held up both hooves and leaned back. “Sheesh!” “Girls.” Twilight gave them all a fixed stare. “Can we get back to the bags of bones that are trying to destroy us? Nnngh!” She blasted a beam of magic at an advancing anatomical assembly, which promptly crumbled into dust and a gratuitous amount of teeth. Fluttershy sighed. “Well, it’s true, Rainbow Dash. That wasn’t even close to being a good joke, let alone an insult.” “H-hey!” Rainbow snorted. “There’s no way you have a good one, Fluttershy!” Fluttershy winked at Twilight, who transformed her into a small leg bone. “You’re right, but at least I know how tibia little humerus.” Pinkie looked on with a bag of popcorn as Rainbow Dash sputtered in anger and Twilight cancelled the spell. “Besides!” said Pinkie, gnawing. “It’s good self-defense! How do you think we’ve been able to keep fighting these walking keys?” “Pinkie’s right, Rainbow Dash. Apart from magical laser beams shooting out of my head, it’s the only thing that gets under their skin.” Twilight blinked. “Which, you know, is quite a feat in and of itself.” “Not to break up this delightful palaver,” interjected Rarity, performing several well-placed hoof-to-neck chops, “but would somepony be so kind as to throw me a bone here?” Fluttershy flew over and Stared at several of the bare-bones pirates, who clattered to the ground. Applejack finished her assembly of part of the skeleton, and, with a melancholy expression, she played the Sad Trombone Four Note Symphony™. Four of the ponies chuckled. Rainbow Dash did not. “Come on, guys! I’m not that bad at skeleton jokes, am I?” Fluttershy shook her head. “No. You’re wurst than the skeletons, though.” “Hahaha! Now that,” said Twilight, nodding at Fluttershy, “was a bonafide pun.” “Hmm…” Rarity tilted her head aside as Pinkie plowed through another row of skeletons. “I’m not sure I agree; it didn’t seem fleshed out enough.” Ignoring Rainbow’s temper tempest trantrum, the remaining ponies staved off another wall of pirate skeletons with nary an eyelash batted. “Ha!” cried Rainbow Dash. “These pirates suck!” Everypony—even the skeletons—paused to glare at the pegasus. Applejack cleared her throat. “Yeah, y’all can take her,” she addressed the pirate skeletons. They brandished their weapons and charged. Rainbow Dash gulped and bolted. > After the Game > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Princess Celestia had been expecting the knock, so she opened the door right away and embraced her student, holding her, feeling the little shivers emanating from her body, the dampness of her tears. “They don’t like me, Princess! They called me names! What do I do? Call them names? Twilight Sparkle looked up at her mentor, eyes wide and hooves folded. “What do I do?” Princess Celestia looked down at Twilight. Closing her eyes, she spoke. “Once, there was a filly named Circumstance who lived in a little village across the sea. Her village was controlled by a lord named Pomp, and he was not a very nice pony. Every day, he forced the villagers to mine precious metals for him, so that he could keep a life of luxury. Pomp used his position to his own selfish advantage, and the lives of the villagers were quite miserable. “One day, after Circumstance had become a full-grown mare, she began to crave the wealth and fame that Pomp had, so she schemed with other villagers to overthrow Pomp from his oppressive reign. She managed to gain everypony’s support, save for one: an old stallion named Trivia who lived in a mountain nearby with his family and not much else in the way of material goods. ‘Pomp will get what’s coming to him eventually without any conspiracies,’ he said. ‘If you leave him be, life will improve after he is gone, and you will all be happier for it. Be patient,’ he warned Circumstance. ‘There is more to life than fortune and power.’” “But Circumstance did not listen. The next day, Circumstance and her supporters stormed the tower where Pomp lived and confronted him. Frightened, Pomp turned and fled into the nearby forest and was never heard from again. Everypony celebrated and decided to elect one of their own as a new leader for the community, and Circumstance was the unanimous choice, and was delighted. “‘Do not let the power go to your head,’ warned Trivia. ‘Why do you revel in your position? Do you not see how Pomp was, how he became his power? Resign and enjoy the company of your friends instead. Riches and status mean nothing after you die, and you will be forgotten.’ Circumstance ignored him and, after some time, began sending ponies back to the mines that they had been liberated from not that long ago. “And so it was that, several years later and after much suffering, the villagers once again broke into the tower and drove out their leader. Stunned, Circumstance galloped away to Trivia’s mountain. He would support her, she knew he would! “Inside, she found his body on what had passed for his bed. He was relaxed and had the ghost of a smile on his face, like he was at peace. Circumstance threw herself to the ground and wept over his loss and the loss of her wealth. She cried out to the heavens and pleaded with them, asked them to end her life, for there was no purpose to remain alive if she had nothing to show for it. “She asked for the ultimate choice, and the heavens obliged.” Twilight Sparkle was still. Not a trace of her anguish or helplessness remained as she watched Princess Celestia walked to an ornate chess table, with chairs on either side. The pieces were in a state of disarray, a game having been left incomplete. Princess Celestia motioned her student over. As Twilight came over, Princess Celestia slid a drawer open in the table, took several pieces off the board, and placed them inside the drawer. She continued this until there were only two left: a king and a pawn. “After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same drawer,” said Princess Celestia, removing the final pieces from the board and laying them in the drawer. She slid it shut and looked at Twilight. “Do you know what it is I say to you, Twilight Sparkle?” Twilight opened her mouth, closed it, furrowed her eyebrows, and nodded. “Yes, Pr—” She covered her mouth and blushed. “Yes, Celestia. I know. May I go?” “Only if you agree to bring a friend to your next lesson,” Celestia said with a smile. Twilight nodded and trotted out of the throne room. > Ode to Change > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know the songs from days of old That spoke of all my power. I know the tales that young bards told, How I changed sweet to sour. They say that I was born in light, But darkness in me grew. They say that I lived just for plight, And I know this is true. For in me there is much turmoil, A Chaos much engorged. I dropped the seeds into the soil And Elements were forged. I reigned terror across the years, Much to my heart's delight. I rained chocolate to match the tears That cursed me as a blight. Yet still I carried on my way, Til the sisters pony Used Harmony to banish me And turned me all stony. A thousand years then came and passed, And I watched from my cell. Until three fillies broke my fast, Scoots, Apple, and Belle. But this was not to last, you see, For Elements still were. Twilight Sparkle and all her friends Won, with a rainbow blur. All of my tricks were not enough To turn all against all, And thus I became once more rough In my second downfall. But then I was told about change, Which I gladly wanted. But once explained, my heart felt strange And my spirit haunted. So Six set me free, and then I Started causing a mess. Until threatened, so twitched my eye And agreed to make less. Fluttershy, the yellowy one, Was convinced I could change, Evil magic could be undone, And good instead my range. I led her on, and led her on, Believing I had won. But she felt hurt, and then was gone, And then it wasn't fun. I'd never truly had a friend, One on whom to rely, She was only means to an end... Then I started to cry. She did reform me, I admit, As much as it hurts to say. But like a candle that was lit, Part of me died that day. You know about the Gala trip, And of my Smoozy date. Jealousy resurged, then a drip Of my old self felt great. But in spite of this, and all that, I do not have regret For my past actions, none of that Will I pay back my debt. In short, you are who you are, and the past is the past. Let it go, and live each day as it was your last. > With Apologies to Nonagon > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “...And afterwards, we’ll sleep, wake up, and make breakfast, just the two of us. Then we’ll both go to work, and that will be that!” Twilight Sparkle finished writing with a flourish of her pen and smiled. “Oh, I’m just so excited, Spike! This is one of the best ideas I’ve ever had! Nothing can go wrong!” Spike raised an eyebrow and looked up from his book. “What about the time you combined iced tea and lemonade?” “One of the best ideas I’ve ever had! I never said it was the best!” Twilight rolled her eyes before returning her gaze to the roll of parchment in front of her. It was simple, maybe too simple, but she felt confident. How could it not work? She’d triple-checked the math, even! Well, there wasn’t any use worrying about it now. She could always change it around later if the situation couldn’t be salvaged. After all, she still needed to get ready! “Spike, would you like to come to Rarity’s with me?” “Nah, I think I’ll just stay home.” He waved a claw at Twilight from his armchair, not breaking focus from his Charliehorse Dickens novel, Subverted Expectations. “Really?” “Of course not. Let’s go!” “Twilight, I simply must know all of the details!” Rarity floated a strand of ribbon towards her current dress design, tilting it back and forth before tying it around the middle. “There’s nothing to know, Rarity!” Twilight stood on a platform of pink, wincing at the harsh light. A swirling mass of cloth surrounded her as Rarity tried to find the perfect dress. “I just really think that this idea is going to work. I’ve never had, well...” Everything froze. Spike shoved the fainting couch towards Rarity, who graciously accepted it even as her face went from one of pure shock to unconscious relaxation. Spike looked back at Twilight and shrugged. “Is the dress really that important?” Twilight sighed and shook her head. “Not really. I thought it would be a nice touch—” “Come on, then! We need to stop by Fluttershy’s!” Twilight frowned and looked away. “I don’t know, Spike… maybe it’s not worth all the effort to go through with this.” Carousel Boutique lay in fashionable ruin, scarves and chapeaux littering the floor. Ponnequins were in states of disarray, even ignoring the clothes that were covering them. “I mean, it’s one of my best ideas, but I’m getting cold hooves now that I’m starting to go through with it.” “But Twilight, you said it yourself. There’s nothing that could go wrong! Let’s get you back to the castle so you can de-stress.” “I just don’t understand it, Spike!” Twilight paced around her room, a mug of coffee floating beside her. “How did that not work? I thought for sure that I had factored everything into the equation!” Spike shrugged. “I guess some ponies just aren’t interested in that sort of thing.” “I did everything right!” she wailed. “How could this get any worse?!” A window shattering and a cry of “Incoming!” were her only answers. “Rainbow Dash, use the door, for pony’s sake! Everyone else does!” The pegasus moaned from her spot against the wall. She shook her head and stood up. “I’m fine, thanks for asking.” She looked at Twilight’s desk. “Hey, what’s this?” Rainbow opened the scroll. “No!” cried Twilight, but it was too late. Rainbow’s eyes were already wandering over the page, and she was trying not to blush. “T-twilight… Is this what I think this is?” “Yes! It’s true!” sobbed the princess. “The date went well, but the aftermath didn’t work and now I don’t know what to do! “Those were my best ‘laid’ plans!” Twilight looked straight ahead and opened her mouth with a smile, tears completely evaporating. A beat. Rainbow Dash held an identical face for a few seconds longer before shooting Twilight a look, not moving her head. “Ahem.” Twilight frowned. “I said, those were my best—” And then Pinkie Pie crashed through the wall in a tank.