Chapter 1
The moon hung silently over Equestria. One could have been forgiven for thinking that this was a perfectly normal, uneventful night, and for almost everypony, it was. But if somepony with a telescope had happened to be looking at the moon that night, they might have noticed the brief appearance of a small light, which flashed brightly before vanishing. About an hour later, a large cluster of similar lights appeared, very near the spot where the first one had, winking out again just as the first one did. Tonight, however, although there were a number of stargazers admiring Princess Luna’s work, none of them happened to be gazing at the moon at either of those two particular moments. So it happened that only two living beings were aware of what had occurred, as the Princesses of the sun and moon felt a disturbance in an ancient enchantment.
The commanders of the Royal Guard were quickly awakened and summoned to an urgent meeting with the Princesses. They arrived thoroughly confused as to what was going on, and left even more confused. Neither Celestia or Luna had given them any information whatsoever as to what was actually going on, but as the pegasus messengers were dispatched to various towns and cities, the commanders discussed the meeting among themselves. Despite all the ideas they put forward, none of them could come up with a believable explanation for something that hadn’t happened in a thousand years: Celestia had told them that an army might need to be raised.
“Alright, boys and girls, listen up.” Captain Kara “Starbuck” Thrace paused a moment while the assembled pilots quieted down. “Okay. As I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, it turns out this ball of dirt we found is occupied.” She paused again, in case anyone had somehow missed out on the scuttlebutt and suddenly felt the need to blurt out some surprised exclamation. When no one did, she continued.
“As far as we can tell, it’s not the Cylons. There’s no space or air traffic and no satellites in orbit. We haven’t picked up any kind of comm traffic. Galactica’s observation gear hasn’t seen anything that looks like a military installation. But there are some pretty big cities down there, and what look like roads and possibly railroads.”
She took a deep breath. “Now, I’ve been hearing the same scuttlebutt you have. A lot of you seem to be convinced we’ve found the Thirteenth Tribe. Maybe we have. But think about it. We’re one jump away from the Cylon’s biggest base. I’d say the odds are pretty frakkin’ good this is some kind of Toaster colony. But given our current situation, we have to take any chance we can get at finding a place to settle, and if somehow the Cylons missed this place, and it really is full of humans, this might be the answer to everybody’s prayers.”
“Before we go any further, I need you to get this through your head. No matter who is down there, what we’re going to do is extremely dangerous. Poking around their airspace is probably the best way short of orbital bombardment to piss off whoever’s down there. But since we haven’t been able to contact anybody, we don’t have a choice. This first run’s gonna be recon only. We’re trying to get a better idea of what we’re dealing with than Galactia’s telescopes can give us. We are not going down there to say hello, and we’re sure as hell not going down there to shoot up their air force. If we get ANY contact, any at all, we pull the frak out. We’re taking our time here. If any of you so much as sneezes at something you shouldn’t, so help me gods I’ll shoot you down myself. Any questions?” She glared around at them, pausing briefly on a few of the least-disciplined among them. No one said anything.
“Alright. Now, this run’s going to be five teams of two Raptors and four Vipers each. You’ll be making two passes over each of your assigned targets, then heading back home. Once I split you into teams, you’ll be assigned your targets.”
She pointed at the map on the wall behind them. “We’re going to be covering this general area here. This is where a lot of the biggest cities are, and some of the more…interesting curiosities we’ve spotted so far. We’ll be making our runs at eighty thousand feet. That should keep us well above the max altitude of anything primitive. If they’ve got anything that can reach that altitude, they probably already know we’re here.”
“Okay, team one will be Athena and Red Devil, with myself, Hotdog, Butch, and Hyper covering. Team two…”
Starbuck fidgeted slightly as she cruised along, high above the clouds. When Galactica had jumped out above this planet, she’d felt a huge feeling of relief. She couldn’t explain it, but ever since what had happened in the eye of the storm, she’d felt like there was something she was supposed to do, like the gods had given her some kind of grand purpose but hadn’t told her what it was. With everything that had happened on the way here, she’d become pretty convinced that something supernatural had indeed happened. There was too much that nobody could explain.
But when they got here, it felt like she’d completed her quest. She’d also started to get the feeling it was time for her to go. But after the Raptor that was about to jump back to the Fleet had spotted the lights down on the planet, that feeling of needing to do something had returned, as though the gods had forgotten about something she was supposed to do, and then remembered it and told her. It was enough to drive you crazy, and Starbuck was beginning to wonder if that might actually happen.
She was interrupted from her thoughts by a beep from the DRADIS console. She looked down at the console, and her eyes opened wide. She keyed the mic.
“Hotdog, Athena, are you seeing this?”
Sharon “Athena” Agathon responded first. She spoke slowly, sounding like she wasn’t believing what her Raptor’s DRADIS was telling her. “Yeah, I see it.”
What Starbuck, Athena, and the other pilots were seeing was an unknown DRADIS contact, at their altitude, coming towards them at Mach 3.
Starbuck began cycling through the standard wireless frequencies, trying to contact the approaching craft. "Unknown aircraft, this is Captain Kara Thrace of the Colonial Fleet, requesting permission to enter your airspace. Please respond."
Instead of a response from the contact, Colonel Tigh’s voice came in over the wireless. “What is it, Starbuck?”
“I’ve got a bogey up here, sir. I think they’re intercepting us.”
“Godsdammit. Alright, bring ‘em home.”
Starbuck pushed in the power and pulled back on the stick, the other pilots following her doing the same. As they began their climb back out of the atmosphere, several things happened.
A Viper’s engine is an extremely complex piece of machinery. It’s designed to take a beating and keep running, but it’s also generally expected that it won’t be run again until after it gets repaired. The Vipers operating off Galactica, however, hadn’t seen a proper shop since the destruction of the Pegasus. Despite the heroic and herculean efforts of Galactica’s deckhands, many of the Vipers were barely holding together, and they hadn’t been properly looked over after the battle at the Colony. The number three engine of the Viper that Starbuck was currently flying had, unbeknown to the deckhands, developed a crack in a critical component when it was being flown hard the day before. The crack had been spreading over the course of the flight, and the part had finally reached its breaking point.
The part broke, and the number three engine failed. Catastrophically. With a very loud BANG. As it did, the twisted remains of various components smashed into other systems. The number two engine took the brunt of it, but it managed to keep running. Several other pieces severed the wires connecting two of the aft thrusters to the fly-by-wire computer. Others tore into the main fuel lines.
Starbuck’s Viper shuddered, and various alarms began blaring in her ears. For a moment her natural instinct to panic took control of her brain, but her training took over quickly as her instructor’s word echoed in her mind. “Fly the plane.
Whatever else is happing, fly the plane.” She started running though checklists. Establish level flight. Determine problem. Shut down failed engine. Frak…fuel leak. Declare emergency.
“All ships, Starbuck. Cryper crypter crypter. I’ve got a dead engine and I’m losing fuel. Butch, Hyper, take the Raptors back home. Hotdog, cover me in case our local friend gets any ideas.” As she said this, she glanced at the DRADIS. The unknown contact was almost on top of them. It should come into view any second now…
Hotdog spotted him first. “There he is, eleven o’clock low.” Starbuck looked in the direction Hotdog told her, and saw a small black shape rocket past about two hundred feet to port and three or four hundred below, dangerously close for somebody that was attempting an intercept. She had to wonder what the guy was thinking, making a pass like that at an unknown aircraft. But no time to worry about it now.
She called Galactica again. “Galactica, Starbuck. My bird’s hurt bad. I don’t think I can make it back. I’m gonna have to land dirtside.”
The Old Man responded. “Starbuck, Galactica Actual. Are you sure you can’t make it back?”
A quick check of the fuel gauge answered that. “Negative, Actual. I should have enough fuel to make it down, but there’s no way I can do a burn to orbit.”
The Old Man sighed. The best laid plans… “Copy that, Starbuck. Where’s the bogey?”
She checked DRADIS. The contact was still going the same direction it had been, which now meant it was rapidly heading away from her.
“It looks like he doesn’t want to play. He’s heading off behind us and he hasn’t turned around yet.”
Starbuck nudged her Viper into a gradual descent as she talked, Hotdog following behind her. “What do you want me to do, sir?”
There was silence for a couple of seconds before the Old Man responded. “How far do you think you can get?”
“Far enough to clear the mountain range, but all that means is I’ll have to put down closer to Target Alpha.” She looked at the moving map on her console, quickly planning a descent. “Probably somewhere near Town 17.”
There was another audible sigh from the Old Man, followed by some unintelligible muttering which, knowing him, probably contained several rather interesting profanities he didn’t want to say on the wireless. “Alright. Keep your beacon on. I’ll send a rescue bird down as soon as they’re ready to go. Hotdog, keep Starbuck covered until she’s down, then get back up here as fast as you can. Actual out.”
Rainbow Dash dropped into a dive, flapping hard to build up speed. A few hundred feet from the ground, she pulled up hard and went vertical. She started spinning clockwise as she approached the first cloud, and kept spinning until she had broken through the fourth and last cloud in the stack. As her speed bled off, she flipped over and began to dive again, lining up with the stack of clouds that now all had holes through the middle. Before she reached the top cloud, a very fast-moving something came screaming by below, between the second and third clouds.
Dash frantically pulled up as the thing went by beneath her. As she did, her ears were assailed with an immense roar so powerful she felt it in her stomach. She looked in the direction the thing had gone, and was surprised to see that it had covered a lot of distance. It was trailing a cloud of gray smoke, and she briefly wondered if it might have been some kind of dragon. Whatever it was, it had interrupted her trick, and it was fast. That meant only one thing: it needed to be raced.
“What the frak was that thing?” Hotdog’s voice betrayed a mix of confusion and nervousness. “It looked like a godsdamm pegasus!”
“I dunno, I didn’t see it. I’m a little busy at the moment,” Starbuck replied, struggling to keep the damaged Viper steady as one of the rear thrusters misfired again.
“Wait a second…frak! Starbuck, bogey on your six! Break break break!”
Dash snapped into a hard left turn, following the smoking thing. The other thing she’d spotted, following the first above and off to its right, started to climb, but she looked away from it and focused on the smoker, which was clearly leading. It had made several hard turns, as though it was trying to shake her off, but it couldn’t seem to turn anywhere near as tightly as she could. It was fast, but she was slightly faster, and she stayed on its tail as it dropped down low, skimming over the trees and heading towards Ponyville. It occurred to her that this thing might not be friendly, and she put on an extra burst of speed, snapping her wings down so they cracked like a whip. If it wasn’t friendly, she’d better get to it before it reached town.
“Godsdammit, Hotdog, get this son-of-a-bitch of me!” Starbuck yanked into another turn to the right, then jinked back to the left. But the bogey behind her stayed on her like glue, and kept gaining. She couldn’t risk putting on any more speed; there wasn’t much fuel left and she didn’t know if the engines could take it anway.
The Old Man, who hadn’t said anything yet, finally contacted them. “Starbuck, Hotdog, this is Galactica Actual. Give it a warning shot if you need to, but don’t hurt it.”
Hotdog thumbed off the gun safety. “Copy that, Actual. Let’s see if this scares him off.” He aimed about 50 feet below the little blue craft chasing his leader, and squeezed the trigger.
The “little blue craft” looked back over her shoulder when the cluster of lights zipped by underneath her. The other thing had pulled in behind her! She dropped and spread her wings wide, cutting her speed as she fell. She didn’t know what had just happened, but it felt bad. The way the other thing was following her seemed like it was chasing her as she chased the smoking one, and the little lights reminded her of a magical blast. She pulled up just a few feet above the treetops, and the second thing roared by overhead.
“Shit, I overshot him!” Hotdog pulled up into a steep climb, then rolled inverted and dropped back down. The blue thing was picking up speed again, although Starbuck had opened the distance considerably when the blue thing had cut its speed. But it wasn’t after her anymore. It turned toward him, impossibly fast, and came right at him. He fired another burst under it. The blue craft started jinking from side to side, snapping back and forth with direction changes that no ship he knew of could have made. But it kept coming at him. They both broke away a moment before they would have collided, and he pulled back hard on the stick, beginning a split-S.
Dash stuck her tongue out at the thing as she passed it, then pumped her wings as hard as she could and turned back toward the trail of smoke pointing toward Ponyville. This dart-shaped flyer was clearly trying to draw her away from its leader, which only made it more important that she catch up before it reached town. Out in front of her, the smoker seemed to be slowing down.
Spike thanked Applejack for the fresh apple, then resumed his walk back to the library with Twilight’s order of quills. Twilight consumed writing implements at a prodigious rate, and it seemed like it was just yesterday that he’d picked up the last bunch of quills. Come to think of it, maybe it really was yesterday…
His thoughts were interrupted by a terrible roar from the sky above. He looked up just in time to see a vaguely dart-shaped thing zoom past overhead, trailing a cloud of smoke. It was followed a few seconds later by a rainbow blur, which itself was followed by another dart-thing, which was spewing gobs of fire at the rainbow blur. Spike dropped the apple and the box of quills and ran for the library.
The Viper’s two remaining engines were beginning to run roughly as they gulped down the last drops of fuel. The chase had used up more than Starbuck had intended, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to get as far away from the town as she’d planned. At least there were plenty of farm fields to land in, and the blue thing that had been chasing her had broken off once they were past the town. DRADIS showed it hanging back a ways, shadowing her and Hotdog, but it wasn’t clinging to her tail anymore.
Starbuck spotted a low ridge up ahead that would hopefully be high enough to prevent the townspeople from seeing where she had gone if she ducked down behind it. As she approached, she could make out several farm fields behind the ridge, one of which was empty of crops.
“Hotdog, I’m putting down in the next field. Head back to Galactica. I’ll deal with the angry mob.”
“Copy that, Starbuck. Good luck, and godspeed.” Hotdog pulled up into a climb and lit his afterburners, rocketing away towards the upper atmosphere, as Starbuck lowered the landing gear and slowed to a hover. The engines coughed as she settled the ship down in the field. She wondered if there really would be an angry mob after all as she shut down the engines. She hadn’t gotten an especially good look at the village when she flew over, but most of the buildings appeared to have had thatched roofs. That was primitive enough that the old torch-and-pitchfork routine might not be out of the question. Hopefully nobody had seen her land, but Starbuck wasn’t willing to bet on that. She reached down and made sure her sidearm was still there.
As Starbuck climbed out of the cockpit, she caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye: a winged blue thing headed for her. She put her hand on her gun, but didn’t draw it.
When the blue thing got close enough for her to see it clearly, what she saw was so…bizarre that she couldn’t help but laugh, despite the fact that this thing was the most threatening thing she’d run into so far in her brief time on this world. It was a godsdammed blue pony with wings and rainbow-dyed hair. A frakking miniature pegasus. It reminded her of a stuffed animal she’d had when she was a little girl. She checked the air quality indicator on her arm to be sure it was safe, then removed her helmet, just so she could rub her eyes and make sure what she was seeing was real. This is it. I’ve finally snapped.
The pegasus pony touched down about twenty feet away and stared at her with a very confused look on its face. Starbuck wondered if she looked the same way. It slowly walked toward her. Even someone like Starbuck, who had never seen an actual horse in her life, could tell it was tense. Probably ready to leap up and fly away at the first sign of trouble. The realization of what had just gone through her mind made her burst out laughing again.
The pegasus, which was now only a few feet away and was looking up at her, looked even more confused. Starbuck, still trying to contain her laughter, watched as it opened its mouth. And spoke.
“What the hay are you, anyway?”
Starbuck stopped laughing.
Chapter 2
Several hours earlier:
The Royal Palace,
Canterlot
My faithful student,
I am sorry to trouble you with this, but I feel that you should be alerted. I have recently become aware of the existence of what may turn out to be a grave threat to Equestria. I am unsure as of yet of the intentions of the entities I detected, and there is a strong possibility that they will simply leave us in peace without ever making anyone else aware of their presence. However, the chance remains that Equestria may soon come under attack. I apologize for my obtuseness, but I cannot risk this letter falling into the wrong hands. For now, this must be kept private. If I have need of you and the other Elements of Harmony, I will instruct you to inform them, and only them, of the situation. I will of course provide you with additional information should that indeed be the case. I dearly hope that things will not come to that. If you see anything unusual, particularly in the sky, please inform me at once.
Princess Celestia
The Princess of the Sun rolled up the scroll and burned it with a simple spell. With that done, she placed the quill back in the inkwell on her desk and levitated a blank scroll onto the table, picking the quill back up as she did so. She got as far as addressing the letter to General Stormwind, commander of the Guard’s pegasus battalion, before she heard a voice behind her; a voice that she had fervently hoped to never hear again.
“Ah, Celestia. It’s good to see you again. It’s been quite a long time, hasn’t it?”
Celestia turned around and glared at the man standing behind her. “Not long enough. This was your doing, wasn’t it?”
The man, who spoke with an accent frighteningly similar to that common among the Canterlot elite, smiled slyly. “And just what would make you say that? I wasn’t the one who decided to send them here. I’m just following the plan.”
Celestia narrowed her eyes. “I’m surprised you and Discord never got along. You both seem to have a lot in common. Especially the way you both love to interfere with things you have no business meddling in.”
“You know, I almost came by to see him a few months ago. Unfortunately I was rather busy at the time, and by the time I finally had a spare moment you’d already managed to turn him back into a lawn ornament. I was rather looking forward to a chance to spar with him.”
“Pity.”
“But anyway, I just thought it’d be a good idea to remind you to follow the rules. Especially since...”
Celestia cut him off. “Ha! You think you can tell me about rules? We had an agreement, Baltar, and you broke it. You’re in no position to lecture me on ‘the rules’.”
“Well, if you want to be that way. I was going to tell you something, but I suppose it can wait. You’ll find out soon enough anyway, I suppose. Just so you know, this wasn’t my idea. In fact, I was initially rather opposed to it. But it’s God’s plan, not mine. I’m merely playing my part.”
“You know he doesn’t like that name.”
Baltar merely smirked, then vanished from sight.
Briefing Room 02,
The Battlestar Galactica
“You’re absolutely sure? There’s no way this could have been an error in our instruments?” Adama asked.
“Admiral, I highly doubt our observation equipment was that badly damaged. It’s plainly visible to the naked eye, so unless everybody’s brains were scrambled in that last jump, then it’s true,” Doctor Gaius Baltar replied, slightly indignantly. “I’m as surprised as you are, but we have to accept this. Besides, it’s one hell of a discovery. If any astronomers back home had been able to find this and verify it, it would’ve been the find of a century. And it makes me wonder if there might perhaps have been a grain of truth in the ancient writings that said Kobol’s sun orbited the planet.”
“Well, don’t go getting too excited, Doc,” Colonel Tigh butted in. “We’ve got bigger things to worry about than a star not doing what it’s supposed to.”
“But that’s just it, Colonel, I’m not sure this is a star at all. It certainly looks like one, but nothing that small could possibly sustain a fusion reaction, at least not the way a star does. This could turn half of modern physics on its head.”
Adama cut him off. “This is all very interesting, Doctor, but it doesn’t really matter at the moment. What does matter is making sure this planet is going to be safe if we decide to go down there. Did you finish the analysis of the atmosphere?”
Baltar huffed irritably, but pulled out another page from his briefcase. “Of course I did. There’s nothing extraordinary about the planet that I can see. The air’s the same as it is on the Colonies. Not really any pollution, but that’s to be expected given the apparent lack of technology. I did spot a few unusual-looking storm systems, but for all we know that could be normal for this world. I can’t see anything that would prevent human habitation.”
Adama stood up. “Alright, thank you, Doctor. If you’ll excuse us, Colonel Tigh and I have an operation to plan, and I believe you have a Quorum to brief.”
Present:
A field just outside Ponyville
Rainbow Dash touched down in the field, carefully watching the creature that had just climbed out of what she now understood to be some kind of flying machine. It had green, scaly-looking skin and what appeared to be an armored head, and stood on its hind legs. It had hands like a dragon, but it didn’t seem to have any claws. The creature lifted its hands to its head and pulled. Dash was confused for a moment until she realized that it was wearing some kind of helmet. When it pulled its helmet off, she took a good look at its face. It had no hair other than a short blonde mane, and the skin on its face, unlike the rest of its body, was a pasty, whitish color. Dash wondered if what she thought was its skin might have been some kind of full-body suit.
She started to carefully walk towards the creature, ready to leap into the air if it made any threatening moves. As she did, she turned her attention to the machine. It was dart-shaped, with a pointed front and three winglike projections coming off the back. The two lower wings were much larger than the vertical one in the top, and were sharply swept back. Long tubes protruded out of the forward-most part of each lower wing. They reminded her of gun barrels, and she realized with a start that the little lights she had seen zipping past her probably were what she’d thought they were. This guy has some explaining to do.
The creature was staring back at her as she walked closer. When she had gotten fairly close, it started laughing. This made Dash even more confused. Well, if it laughs, it probably talks, she thought. Time to find out.
“What the hay are you, anyway?”
Starbuck stopped laughing. Oh, gods, this is really happening, isn’t it? She stared open-mouthed at the pegasus as it spoke again.
“Were you shooting at me?” it asked, clearly expecting what the answer would be and even more clearly not happy about it. Well, there goes the whole ‘don’t piss off the locals’ plan.
“Well, technically, it wasn’t me that was shooting, it was my wingman…” Starbuck was interrupted when the pegasus lifted off and hovered in front of her at eye level, glaring at her. She continued “…and he was trying to protect me. He wasn’t trying to hit you, just scare you off.”
Starbuck didn’t think the pegasus could have looked more confused than it already had, but she was proven wrong. At least it backed off slightly. “What do you mean, ‘protect you’?” it asked. “I was just trying to catch up to you!”
Now it was Starbuck’s turn to be annoyed. “Oh, really? So you never even considered that maybe chasing after a damaged ship that was broadcasting a distress signal might not be the best idea? The way you were latched on to my tail, I was expecting to get shot down any second! What the frak were you thinking, Rainbow?”
The pegasus started to say something, then stopped. Then it said, very slowly, “How do you know my name?”
Starbuck blinked twice. “Uh…that’s really your name? Rainbow? Explains the hair, I guess…”
“Actually, it’s Rainbow Dash,” the pegasus replied. “And I still don’t get why you thought I was going to attack you. Why would I?”
“Well, we did kind of violate your airspace. We figured when the first guy that intercepted us didn’t respond you just wanted us gone.”
“Wait, you thought we’d attack you just for flying over Equestria? I mean, yeah, you’re kind of supposed to ask before you come in, but we’d never attack you for something like that! That’s crazy!” The pegasus paused for a moment. “Hang on, who was the first one to come after you?”
“I don’t know who it was. Somebody made a head-on pass at us up in the stratosphere. One of my engines failed when we started to head back up to orbit and I had to land here.” Immediately after saying this, Starbuck had to resist the urge to facepalm. Oh gods, please don’t notice that I just said we came from space. Please please please please…
“Orbit? But that’s…then you’re…you’re a space alien!?”
GODS DAMMIT WHY CAN’T I KEEP MY FRAKKIN’ MOUTH SHUT? “Uh, well, yeah, I guess.”
The pegasus, instead of flying off in fear as Starbuck had expected, grinned excitedly. “That is so…AWESOME! I can’t wait to tell everypony I just met a real live space alien!” The pegasus made a little “squee” noise and turned toward the town, looking like it was about to fly off.
“Whoa, whoa, hang on there, Rainbow,” Starbuck said. “I wasn’t actually supposed to tell you that. I don’t think it’s really a good idea to spread that around yet.”
“Aw, why not? I’m sure Twilight would love to meet an alien. She’s got a whole bunch of books about space and stuff.”
“Yeah, well, this was kind of supposed to be a hush-hush operation, Rainbow. I’ll be in enough trouble as it is for telling you who I am, and I sure as hell don’t need the whole town showing up here,” Starbuck said. “Besides, I won’t be staying long. There’s a rescue plane coming to pick me up and take me back to my ship.”
“You sure you can’t come meet my friends? Pinkie Pie’s not gonna be happy if you leave before she gets the chance to throw you some kind of party.” The pegasus looked thoughtful for a moment. “Hay, you never told me your name.”
“I’m Captain Kara Thrace.”
The pegasus’s ears perked up slightly at the word ‘captain’. “Oooh, so if you’re a captain, does that mean you’re in charge of the mothership?”
Starbuck chuckled. “Nah. I’m just a pilot.”
The pegasus gave her a confused look. “What’s a pilot?”
“It means someone who flies planes, like this one.” Starbuck pointed to her Viper.
“Huh. So why are you here?” Dash asked. “Or is that too ‘hush-hush’ for you to tell me?” The pegasus moved her front legs in a gesture resembling air-quotes when she said “hush-hush”.
Starbuck sighed. “Yeah, it’s not something I can tell you. I’m not even sure if we’re going to stay here. This planet might not be the safest place for us to stick around.”
“How come?” Dash asked. “Nopony’s going to hurt you. Equestria’s the most peaceful place in the world!”
“It’s not you I’m worried about,” Starbuck replied. “It’s…” she trailed off as she saw four ponies come galloping over the ridge and right toward her.
Oh, thank Celestia! Twilight thought. I didn’t think the tracking spell would last long enough. One of the strange machines sat in the field ahead of her and the others. She saw Rainbow Dash hovering next to a tall creature that was…wait, what they hay is that thing? And what’s Dash doing talking to it!?
Starbuck once again found herself instinctively reaching for her sidearm. “Hey, Rainbow Dash? Who are they?” She pointed at the four approaching ponies.
Dash looked where Starbuck was pointing, then her face brightened. “Oh, those are my friends.” She waved at the four ponies. “Hey guys! Over here!” she shouted. “Come meet Kara Thrace! She’s a space alien!”
“Dammit, Rainbow, I said not to tell anyone about that.”
Godsdammit, this is just gonna be one thing after another, isn’t it? Starbuck thought as the ponies trotted up to her. Each pony was a different color; one purple, one pink, one white, and one a ruddy orange-ish color. The purple and white ponies had horns like unicorns. Their manes were also different colors, and she noticed that each of them had some kind of tattoo on its flank. What the frak is this, some little girls’ cartoon? Not exactly what I was expecting to find living on this rock, that’s for sure!
Three of the ponies reacted the way Starbuck would have expected them to react to hearing that the creature in front of them was an alien: a mixture of shock, fear, and excitement. The purple one seemed to be thinking about something. From its expression, Starbuck guessed that it had already suspected what she was.
The purple pony stepped forward. Its expression went from thoughtful to pissed off. “Just what do you think you’re doing, shooting at my friend?” it said angrily.
Oh for the love of… “Look, I already explained it to Rainbow Dash. We both got confused about what was going on and misunderstood what the other one was doing. My ship was damaged, I thought she was trying to shoot me down, and my wingman tried to scare her off with warning shots. We never tried to hurt her.”
The purple pony didn’t look convinced and started to say something else, but the pink one cut her off. “Hey, I’ve never seen anything like you before! Are you some kind of monkey? Oh, no wait, a dragon? No, you don’t really look like a dragon. Are you…mmph!” The orange pony stuffed a hoof in the pink one’s mouth.
“Sorry ‘bout Pinkie. She’s just a little excited, is all,” the orange one said. She extended a hoof to Starbuck. “Ah’m Applejack, and this here’s Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity,” she said. “Ah see you’ve already met Rainbow Dash.” She lowered her hoof when Starbuck didn’t shake it. “Sorry. Ah guess aliens don’t shake hooves?”
“What? Oh, no, sorry, no, we shake.” Starbuck bent down and shook Applejack’s hoof. “I, uh, wasn’t exactly expecting ponies to do that.”
The purple one spoke up again. “Alright, look, I don’t know what Rainbow Dash did to scare you, but you can’t just go around shooting at anypony you don’t know! I don’t care what kind of crazy alien culture you have, that’s just wrong!”
“Twi, she said it was just a misunderstandin’…” Applejack started to say.
Starbuck interrupted before the purple unicorn could say whatever it was she was about to say. “Look, I should really tell you what’s going on. The Old Man’s gonna tear me a new one, but frak it, you need to know.”
Starbuck took a deep breath, then continued. “The reason we’re here is because my people are at war.” The ponies all gasped pretty much simultaneously. “Our ship was damaged in a battle and we jumped here. Your planet’s so close to the enemy base we were attacking we assumed it was one of their colonies. We were flying recon to see what we might be up against, and that’s why when Rainbow Dash came after me I assumed she was trying to shoot me down.”
Dash was the first one to speak. “Wait, who are you at war with?”
“They’re called Cylons. Um, do you have robots here?” Starbuck asked.
“Well, they don’t exist in real life, but I’ve read fictional stories about them,” Twilight said.
“That works. Anyway, we made robots called Cylons to do our work for us. They decided they didn’t want to, and they rebelled. We fought a war with them, and then they made peace with us and left. We didn’t hear anything from them for forty years. And then they came back. And they…they killed everyone.”
Twilight’s eyes grew wide. “Everyone?”
Starbuck nodded. “Just about. They hacked our computers and shut down all our defenses. Then they nuked our planets from orbit, and when they finished that they sent down troops and hunted down the survivors. It was a slaughter. As far as I know, our fleet’s all that’s left.” Her voice was flat and devoid of emotion. “We’ve been running from them for years. I don’t know if we can keep going anymore.”
The pink pony lunged forward and wrapped its front legs around Starbuck’s waist. The pilot started to jump back, then she realized that the pony was hugging her. Very tightly. “Ack…can’t…breathe…” she gasped.
“Oops, sorry. You just looked like you needed a hug,” the pink pony said. “Hey, I know! I should throw a party for you and all the other…um, what are you called again?”
“Humans.”
“But yeah, we’ll have a big ‘Welcome to Equestria’ party and there’ll be cake and ice cream and balloons and…”
“Yeah, we get it, Pinkie,” Dash said.
“…and you can forget all about those mean meanie-pants robots, because there’s no way Princess Celestia is gonna let anypony do anything to you guys…”
This time it was Starbuck who interrupted. “Wait, a princess? Is that who’s in charge around here?”
“Princess Celestia is the ruler of Equestria,” Twilight said. “She’s the one who raises the sun.”
“Raises the…wait, what?”
Dash pointed up at the sun. “Y’know, the sun…big yellow thing up there…”
“And this princess can control it?”
“Of course,” Twilight said. “It’s not like it’s going to move on its own, is it?”
Starbuck just stared at the unicorn. When she said nothing, Twilight continued, “Don’t you have someone to raise the sun where you’re from?”
Starbuck spoke slowly. “The sun doesn’t move. Our planets orbit their stars by themselves.” Starbuck was, of course, aware of the unusual body orbiting this planet, but she hadn’t bothered to concern herself with it when there was a mission to fly. That was for someone like Baltar to figure out.
“Your planet orbits a star?” Twilight sounded genuinely shocked. “It doesn’t have a sun of its own?”
“Geez, next I bet she’ll say they can’t control the weather or something,” Dash said.
“Um…we can’t…” The pegasus’s mouth dropped open in surprise.
“Don’t you have any magic at all?” Twilight asked.
“Uh, magic? I’m pretty sure that doesn’t exist,” Starbuck said.
All the ponies seemed to go into shock when she said that. Twilight looked like her brain had completely shut down.
The white unicorn spoke for the first time. “How does your society manage to function without magic? How do you find gems or enchant your machines? How does your world even function?”
“Oh, c’mon, Rarity, ya don’t hafta do ever’thing with magic,” Applejack said. “Ya just figure out how ta do it with yer own two hooves.”
Twilight finally seemed to regain the ability to think. “This isn’t the same thing, Applejack,” she said. “Magic is what keeps the whole world running. A pony can live without magic just fine, sure, but not an entire world. Besides, even earth pony telekinesis is magic, even if it’s not very strong. Imagine if you couldn’t pick up anything with your hooves at all!”
The ponies were interrupted in their discussion by the roar of engines. Starbuck looked up and saw a familiar brown plane circling around and coming in to land. “Well, looks like my ride’s here. Sorry guys, time for me to go.”
Pinkie Pie somehow grabbed her hand with a hoof. “You can’t go! I have to throw you a party, remember?”
“Sorry, Pinkie, but I’ve gotta get back to my ship. But if we decide to stay, I promise I’ll let you throw me a party.” Starbuck turned back toward the Raptor, which was touching down a short distance away from her Viper.
Pinkie held on. “Wait! Pinkie Promise?”
Starbuck rolled her eyes. “Sure. Pinkie Promise. Can you let go now?”
“Hold on, you have to say it. ‘Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.’”
Starbuck Pinkie Promised, and Pinkie let go of her hand.
“Are you sure you wanna do that, Kara? Pinkie’s pretty serious about her Pinkie Promises,” Dash said.
“I’m pretty sure it’ll be fine, Rainbow.”
Dash shrugged. “All I can say is you’d better go to that party.”
The Raptor’s hatch opened as Starbuck walked towards it, and two Marines jumped out, rifles at the ready. They did a quick visual scan of the field, then lowered their weapons, apparently satisfied. One of the Marines pointed at the ponies. “What the frak kind of horses are those?”
“Actually, those are the natives,” Starbuck said.
“Real funny, Starbuck.” The Marine glanced at his compatriot. “You got the charges?” The other Marine nodded.
“Charges? What the hell do you need explosives for?” Starbuck asked.
“We gotta blow up your plane. Admiral’s orders. He doesn’t want any of our hardware ending up with someone other than us.”
“Just make sure you tell the ponies to stay clear.”
“Sure, Starbuck, I’ll shoo ‘em away.”
Starbuck looked the Marine in the eye. “I’m not kidding, private. Those ponies are as smart as any human. And they don’t like guns, so keep it down.”
The Marine didn’t seem to be convinced, but he said “Yes ma’am” before heading over to the Viper with the other soldier. Starbuck climbed into the Raptor, then turned around and watched the Marines. The one she had spoken to gestured at the ponies to move back. Starbuck couldn’t hear what he said, but apparently it worked, because the ponies backed up as the other Marine attached several magnetic bombs to the Viper’s hull. Satisfied with their work, the two Marines jogged back to the Raptor and climbed aboard. The pilot closed the hatch and lifted off.
Starbuck poked her head into the cockpit and watched as the pilot swiveled the plane around to face the Viper. The ECO pulled out a remote detonator, looked over at the ponies to make sure they were far enough away, then pushed the button. The Viper was torn apart by the blast, and when the smoke cleared all that was left was twisted debris. Five startled-looking ponies stood at the edge of the field, unharmed.
The Raptor zoomed upwards into the sky, headed back to Galactica.
