> La Vie de Celestia
>  by Workable Goblin
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> Book I: From Discord Rex unto Celestia Princeps
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Now, it befell in the days of Morning Glory[1], when she was ruler of all of Equestria, that there was a mighty lord of Cloudswall who refused to bend knee to the crown, and fought mightily against her for many years. The lord was called the Lord of the Wall. And tiring of war, Morning Glory called for the Lord, and asked that both he and his wife, the Lady of the Wall, come forth for a peace conference. The Lord agreed, and both he and his wife came to Canterlot[2], and were accorded all the honors of royalty.

[1]: The predecessor of Celestia and Luna as ruler of Equestria (discounting Discord).

[2]: Which city did not yet exist, I note.

Now, this lord was much renowned for his beauty and grace, and from the moment she lay eyes on him Morning Glory coveted him, and would fain lie with him. But he was a good stallion, and she knew he would not assent to her advances. So she fell love-sick, and her archmage and closest advisor, Star Swirl, came to her chambers where she rested. Mistress, he said, no spell of mine can find why you are ill. That is no surprise, she replied, for I am sick of love for the Lord of the Wall, that without him I shall never feel right. Ah, he said. I do believe I can cure that illness.

And he cast a spell of his own devising, and Morning Glory appeared as the Lady of the Wall; and she deceived the Lord into thinking she was her; and she lay with him and was much pleased. But when the Lady heard tell from her husband of what had happened, she trembled mightily and told him that she had been enjoying the gardens then, and that they must have been summoned so that he might be dishonored; and therefore, that they must leave immediately, under cover of darkness, and return to their own lands lest worse befall them. And they did so.

Morning Glory was much wroth when she heard of this, and told her advisors; and they said that she should order them to come forth, or she would resume the war tenfold; and she did so. But they refused, saying that it was a ploy to dishonor them; and Morning Glory was even more wroth with their reply; and set forth with a great host, of unicorns and pegasi both, for the Lord was a pegasus, and his fortress a cloud. And they sieged their fortresses.

But Morning Glory remained wroth; and when she saw the Lord, she felt lustily for him; and she charged Star Swirl with again slipping her into his chambers. And he disguised her as the Lady again, and she traveled to him; and again he gave himself to her and lay with her unknowingly. Now, the Lady of the Wall had seen her departing the siege camp and had set forth to rout her army; but had been killed during the attack. The Lord muchly trembled when he heard that his wife had died hours before he slept with her, for having been dishonored again; and knowing that he could not win, he slew himself by his own hoof and gave orders to destroy his fortress, which happened.

Morning Glory traveled back to Canterlot saddened only by the death of the Lord; she returned to her rule in the capital. And months later, her belly began to swell, and she realized she was with foal, and that the Lord had begat a foal on her; and she concealed herself in her quarters, so that nopony would know. And she waxed greater and greater, and eventually gave birth. And wonder of wonders! Not a unicorn or pegasus or earth pony, but something new; an alicorn, with mane pink as dawn and coat white as the sun. For the father had been pegasus and the mother earth pony and wearing a guise of unicorn spells[3]. And Morning Glory called her Celestia, and thought her the Sun Incarnate. But fearing for the foal’s life, Morning Glory hid the birth, and charged Star Swirl with concealing her daughter; and Star Swirl hid her alicorn nature, disguising her as a simple earth pony, and sent her to be with an ally, a young prince named Sombra in the north. And Sombra’s wife nourished Celestia with her own son, with her own milk.

[3]: This is a blatant failure of biology. While alicorns are genetically mixtures of all three races, true, they arise from the use of powerful magic, as with Cadence and myself, not through some accident of birth. Millions and millions of couplings of this exact type have occurred throughout history, and not one has ever resulted in a naturally-born alicorn.

Moreover, the author drastically underestimates the problems Morning Glory would suffer from becoming pregnant. The higher ranks of the clergy-administrators of the Solar Empire were supposed to be celibate, permanently renouncing worldly desires to allow them to better serve the Sun and the World (ie., Equestria). Although by the time of Morning Glory the upper hierarchy, especially the Collegium, were extremely corrupt and often flagrantly violated this and other rules, the High Priestess and Solar Regent becoming pregnant and giving birth would have been a major scandal they could not have ignored. She and her foal would certainly have been executed for their affront to the laws.

Finally, and most damningly, there is no documentary evidence whatsoever for the existence of Celestia before more than a decade into Discord’s reign, almost twenty years after the incident being related here; and then she was still a young filly, similar to her description here, not an adult mare as you would expect if she had been Morning Glory’s foal. Although Celestia and Luna have generally been loath to speak of it, both have privately communicated to me--and authorized me to republish--that their mother was not Morning Glory, that they were in fact biologically sisters, and that they would say nothing more on the subject.

And then within three years a great evil appeared in the land; a creature, some said a dragon, others a cockatrice, others still a pony stalked the night, driving ponies to madness. Brave stallions would run heedless from it, devoted mothers would murder their foals, rulers abandon their lands. And Morning Glory and her army rode out to fight it; and they were driven mad or killed, and fled; and the creature established itself in Canterlot, and took it away, none know where hence.[4]

[4]: This clearly refers to Discord--a point made clear later when the creature is specifically referred to by that name. No record exists of Canterlot being swallowed up and destroyed; the prior capital was named “Everfree” and located in the present position of the Everfree Forest. It was destroyed during Discord’s reign, such as it was, but then rebuilt after his defeat; then destroyed again during the later war between Luna and Celestia, corrupted into the Everfree Forest, and abandoned for the new city of Canterlot, built on the sacred slopes of Canterlot Mountain.

Then stood the land in great trial; for without Morning Glory and her priests, there was no check on the lords, and they waxed strong; and each wanted to make themselves a king or emperor. And so there was great fighting up and down the land, while in the middle of it a great cancer grew, a realm of madness and despair. And Star Swirl saw all, and despaired; and he traveled the land, seeing the violence and madness plaguing it; and his thoughts turned back to the filly of Morning Glory. And he hatched a plan.

To all of the great lords he traveled, and the great priests and bishops too, telling them, Come to Fillydelphia on the Solstice, swear to it; for as the holy day of the Sun, she will surely send a miracle to show who should rightly be ruler. And they swore; and on the Solstice, they came, great armies of them. And among those who came were Sombra, now King in the North, and his son and his adopted daughter, still by appearance an earth pony filly. And altogether they prayed to the Sun, from before sunrise; and after emerging from the churches on the sunset, they saw a great platform of stone raised in the square; and upon it in gilt letters, Whosoever canst raise the Sun is the rightful ruler. And they marveled, and thought it impossible for any one pony to raise the Sun. And the bishops and Star Swirl convened, and they said Whichever pony is destined to raise the Sun must be here, or she would not have sent this commandment; and they allowed everypony present to try.

And they did; the unicorns tried, and they failed; then the pegasi tried, and they failed; then the earth ponies tried, and they failed. And all were about to give up in despair when Star Swirl said, Wait, there is one more, and brought forth the filly of Morning Glory’s; the crowd murmured and said But she is just a filly; have not all the mighty lords failed?; and he removed the spells he had wrought concealing her, and they were shocked by her appearance. And she rose, and with her rose the Sun; and she earned her Mark that day; and the crowd loved her, and called her Celestia Imperatrix and Sol Invictus, and other such things. And she said Nay, I am but Celestia Princeps, no more; and they loved her all the more.[5]

[5]: It is difficult to recall in this era, when Princesses of Equestria are given the honor due Empresses of other lands, but at the time this would have been quite the political statement. The crowd--the pony on the street, if you will--was heaping her with exotic and prestigious titles; note that the title Imperatrix, let alone Sol Invictus, was reserved exclusively for the goddess of the Sun. By declining all titles but “Princeps”--First Among Equals--Celestia would have been claiming that she was due no more honor than the average pony.
> Book II: The Quest for the Elements
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And Celestia did establish a court in Fillydelphia; and all the lords of all the lands came to bend knee and swear themselves to her as their sovereign[1]. Even King Sombra and Queen Lux bowed themselves to her; and she said, Nay my parents, thou needst never bend knee to me. And they said, Nay Celestia, thou art not of our blood, but of another; ask Star Swirl, for it was he who delivered thee to us. And she did, and he told her of her mother and father, and she said, This Discord, he hath killed my mother? And she my father? And Star Swirl answered, So he has, and so she did. And Celestia said, Then I shall slay him. And Star Swirl replied, That may be, but not as thou art; for he is a creature of madness, and if you approach your mind will flee. And she said, So how may it be? And he said, I will find out.

[1]: Another blatant historical inaccuracy. All information available indicates that Celestia and Luna--note that latter’s absence here, which clearly dates it to the post-banishment era, several centuries after the events it purports to record--made their top priority the defeat of Discord, and did not take the throne until after his sealing in stone. Even then, it took many decades--centuries--before the pre-Discord Equestrian state was completely reunified under their rule.

So Star Swirl left Fillydelphia, and once again set hoof to road. Far and wide he traveled, seeking a weapon against madness; amongst the deer he traveled, learning of a totem of truth and honesty; then ‘mongst the caribou, who told him of loyalty and honor; then the noble dragons, who spoke of generosity and giving[2]; then the donkeys, who expounded on mirth and joy; even the minotaurs, learned in benevolence and kindness, knew his hoofstep. And he returned to Fillydephia, and he told Celestia of what he had found, and she turned distant, and thought; and thought she for some time, long enough that all were afraid, before she responded, Yes, those five are powerful weapons, but there is another. And she thought some more and said, All ye who are faithful and true knights, all who wouldst serve thy Princeps well, come; there is a quest, a quest for the Elements of Harmony[3]. And all her court said, Yea, we are faithful and true, and they followed her.

[2]: This reference, and others from about the same time period, are highly interesting given the severe contrast with the present culture of the dragons. I am conducting research into whether there might have been such 'noble dragons' at the time, but have found little evidence either way.

[3]: This is one of the earliest references to the Elements of Harmony by that name.

And first she traveled west, to the forests of the deer, and she asked, Where art the Element of Truth? And some said, Nay, we will not speak to any pony of it (for there had been much war between pony and deer in elder days, and they still mistrusted them). Others said, It is in the clouds; but Celestia and her pegasi searched the clouds and did not find it. A few said, Nay, it is in the earth, in a cave or buried; but Celestia and her earth ponies asked the earth, and it said, Nay, I know not where it is. And Celestia was sore wroth; but yet she had made a friend in the deer-lands, the daughter of the King. And she asked her, Doth thou know where the Element is? And she said, Nay, I think no deer does; and even if they did, they would not speak the truth of it to you. And there was a flash, and a golden torc appeared around her neck; and they said, What wonder is this? And they saw that it had the clan markings of the King’s daughter on it and they said, Ah, the Element of Truth! For one honest friend drowns out the lies of many.

And so Celestia and the King’s daughter left the deer-lands and traveled north, to the forests of the caribou. And there they asked, Where art the Element of Honor? And they responded, We do not know. And Celestia was aggrieved, and vowed to search for it; and she traveled northwards, seeking seers and oracles. While traveling, she espied a knight of the caribou, clad all about in fine armor; and he saw her and bowed his head and said, My Lady, it grieves me greatly to do it, but I have sworn an oath to duel each who cometh this way until I find the one who canst defeat me; to them I shall pledge my service, forevermore. And she said, very well. And he battled her; he was a mighty warrior, fleet of hoof and skilled in battle; but she had wings, and magic, and these were allowed; and she defeated him. And he said, My Lady, to thee I pledge my service, for the rest of my days. And there was a flash and about his neck appeared another golden torc; and they recalled and said, It must be the Element of Honor; for what is more honorable than following thy oaths?

With the Elements of Truth and Honor at hoof, she traveled now again eastwards, to the caveholds of the dragons. There she met with their Council and asked, Where art the Element of Giving? And they said, Truly, we doth not know; it has been hidden to us for an age or more. And Celestia was much aggrieved, and made to travel the holds; but one of her maidservants fell ill. And her wizards could find nothing wrong, nor her alchemists; then she asked the dragons. And one of them, the greatest alchemist of them all, traveled to her; and he examined her; and he said, Ah, this is a difficult case. I can cure it, but I will need the heartscale of a dragon.[4] And everypony despaired; for each dragon grows but a single heartscale, and they can never regrow it if it is removed. They asked every dragon of the hold, but all refused, saying, Nay, anything less you might have; but not my heartscale; all the while, the maid grew ever weaker. Finally, the alchemist said, If no dragon will give of themselves, then I will; and he plucked off his heartscale; and there was a flash and about his neck appeared a torc of gold; and they recalled again and said, It must be the Element of Giving; for what more canst thou give than thyself? And he brewed his potion and gave it to the maid; and she was healed.

[4]: The heartscale being a scale just above the heart. Not having one makes a dragon much more vulnerable to outside dangers, as their heart lacks part of its protection.

Together they then traveled to the isles of the donkeys, to the east; they asked their King of Kings whether he knew where Mirth hid, and he said, Nay, I doth not; but thou art free to search. And they did, but were disappointed; for no where on the isles did the Element hide. And they began to return home; but one of the knights, a stallion of great honor and valor, slipped and fell from a mountain; and he broke his neck and died. And they were much saddened. As they were passing through a village, a young jenny saw them and asked, Why art thou saddened? Is it not a sunny day? And they responded, Our quest for Mirth hath failed and one of our number hath died during it; why wouldst we be gladdened? And she said, But it is during the dark of the night that we must recall the dawn; and they saw the sense in what she said. And they laughed and joked and played with her through the day and the night; and when they made to leave in the morn there was a flash; and around her neck was a torc; and they thought and said, ‘Tis the Element of Mirth, it must be; and she came with them.

To the south they traveled on from donkey lands, to the minotaurs. Celestia asked their College if they knew where Benevolence lay, and like the others they said Nay, we doth not; but thou art free to search. And they did, sailing from isle to isle; and again they found no trace of Benevolence; and Celestia was wroth and challenged the heavens. And a storm blew up, and Celestia and her pegasi fought to quell it; but it was a mighty storm, and one of them was struck by lightning, and fell in the ocean. And they did not see him, and he washed up on an island. And one of the minotaurs found him on a beach and nursed him back to health. When they discovered that one of their own was missing, they turned back to search; and eventually they found the island, and him; and they said to the minotaur, Thou hath given of thyself greatly for one thou didst not know. And he said, Nay, 'twas a simple act of kindness, the same for anyone; and there was a flash of light; and about his neck was a golden torc. And they saw, and said, It must be the Element of Benevolence; for what is more benevolent than nursing a stranger?

With the Five found, they ventured back home to Fillydelphia. Her court said, Celestia, with the Five you could fight Discord and win. But she said, Nay, I had a vision. There is yet one missing. And she turned and said, My friends to the Bearers; for all had become her friends; and there was a flash of light and atop her head sat a crown unlooked for; and she said, Ah, ‘tis Magic, the Princeps of the Elements; and Mirth did laugh and all were gladdened. For, she said, now we art ready.[5]

[5]: Yet more inaccuracies, although intriguing ones. Celestia and Luna, together and alone, were responsible for defeating Discord. Yet why would a pony chronicler write in non-pony races, particularly those traditionally hostile to ponykind like the deer? This is some evidence that the tales collected in La Vie d'Celestia may not all have been of pony origin.

And fortified by the Elements, Celestia did look to do battle with the foul demon who had taken her mother and who was spreading madness through the land. And she asked Star Swirl about it and said, I would fain know whatever thou knowst about Discord; and he said, Sooth, I know little but that it is a creature of evil and madness. But thy Elements should protect thee; for madness drives thee to lie, cheat, steal, suspect, and hate; and what are truth, honor, giving, mirth, and benevolence but their opponents? And she said, But what of my armies? And he said, They shall not be needed; defeat Discord, and all will be restored. So she left Fillydelphia with only her friends the Element-Bearers with her; and they set forth for Canterlot. And on the way they passed many commoners and noble folk, who all cheered for them. And as they approached Canterlot, they saw many strange happenings; ponies like wild beasts, beasts like ponies, rains of sweet brown milk[6], and the like. And the Bearers said, Celestia, we are afraid; what madness is this? And she said, Come, we shall defeat it. And they were calmed, and gladdened by her resolve.

[6]: Chocolate was not yet common in Equestria during the 1st-2nd century CR.

And they reached Canterlot, or where it had been; and saw nothing around but madness. And Celestia said, Discord! But he did not emerge. And she said again, Discord! And he still remained in hiding. And she said for a third time, Discord! And he appeared. The Element-Bearers were struck wonderously by his appearance; he had been described, but to see a hybrid of pony and dragon and deer and more besides was wonderous strange to them. And he said, Why so serious? And mocked the Princeps. And she did grit her teeth and say, Discord, we hath come to end thee! And he said, Well, try if thou must, and stood still for them. And they banded together, and attacked him with the power of the Elements; and he was turned to stone forever[7].

[7]: An unfortunate misconception.