The one word that sits in the back of evryponies minds has burrowed to the front of mine. That word is death. I find it funny to see how many ponies fear death. Why be scared of death? It is enevitable. Why fear anything that is inevetable? If anything, we should aid death. I will be hastening my own once I finish here. I can't say I'll miss this life. It has been nothing but saddening for the longest time.
* * *
I wasn't always thinking how i am now. I used to be a fun, happy, care-free pegasus pony. I was like that for a fair portion of my life, but it all changed after that one fateful day. That day I was out for a morning jog. I needed practice since I was going to Ponyville for the Running of the Leaves. When I returned.... I was too late. I couldn't save them. A fire broke out somehow while my family was still asleep. My mother and sister, my only family, burned in there. The fireponies never learned how it happened. I don't want to know.
I never thought I could cry as hard as I am now. Losing them was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. That day started my downward spiral to where I am today. I am not sorry for this choice. I don't regret this decision.
* * *
I am going to far ahead of myself. About five years after the fire I met a mare. She was sweet and kind when I met her. She was the first pony to break through my saddness. For the first time in five whole years I was happy. We are engaged now. We are supposed to get married in a few weeks. I won't give her name in fear of ending this prematurely and go end myself now.
We were so happy together but it didn't last long. She did things to me that I dare not repeat. Those things have sent me farther into the hole. I am sitting on deaths door now. I did not dare end our engagement in fear of her killing me. I want death but only at my hoof.
Any way, she is currently sobbing outside the locked room I am in, begging me to open the door. She says we can fix our problems and that she can change. Nopony can change. I don't believe one word she says. It is too late to make amends for what she did. I am dead now. There is no returning for me.
She is gone. Probably out getting the police. Oh well, I will be gone before she returns. To those who read this... I am sorry it couldn't have been different. I must go if I will finish my note. I will write it in a moment.
As I sit here and cry... I must say that this is... my final real goodbye. I end this letter to you now so I may write my true note... before I allow the rope to snap my neck.
You are probably my fiance. You are most likely reading this in front of me at this moment. If you are not my fiance then this is not your fault. If you are my fiance... you are the only one to blame besides me for these actions. I hope this realization breaks your heart and you never "love" again. Do to what you did... the carving... you drove me to near insanity. You forced my hoof to this action. You are the reason I am where I am and I am not sorry for my decision to do this. I expect you to deny most of this letter but it will haunt you for the rest of your miserable life. I hope to see you with me here so I can show you the same pain you showed me. I will never forgive you for the pain you caused. There is nothing you can do to make it right. I hope you rot in a cell for this, then you can rot with me.
If you are not my fiance then I am sorry that you must grieve for me when i don't even deserve it. You are all incredibly kind and I am glad you were there to keep me going for as long as you did. I could never repay you. However, I do not regret it. This was the only course I could follow. I sometimes thought what another chance would be like but I realized it would only end in more pain. Pain has been my entire life.
I lost my father the day I was born. My mother and sister burned. My fiance did things to me that left me screaming at night. It all lead me here and now I pay the price for my actions. It pains me to think of what this must be doing to you right now. I am truly sorry for doing it to you. I wish things could have been different butt alas I have made my bed and now I sleep in it.
Please do not grieve for me, but if you must please make it quick.
This note also doubles as my will
I give the house and all the utensils I own inside to my closest friend, you. I give my money to several things.I give one- third to you. May you use it better than I did. One- third I want to go towards a charity that combats depression. Finally, I want the last third to go to the Clinic for the Mentally Ill. May they find peace in a world that ruined me. The last thing I want is a town-wide restraining order against my fiance. I hope this comes to pass.
I beg the police find these notes I leave before she does. She will hide these letters then burn them when she can. I hope my final words survive long enough to see her dead.
These are my last words and so I must go. I hope I can see you again someday.
