The memories of a mare with a broken heart, and the story of the stallion who will scour the earth to find her and keep her safe...even from herself.
Fluttershy has always been a timid pony. It was a truth long accepted until the day she met her one and only love: that stallion who cared for her, protected her, and sheltered her from any harm... a stallion as quiet and as shy as she was.
In his embrace she grew, learned, laughed, and loved. She reached out further into the world than she ever had before, and with his support she became that mare she always dreamed she could be.
Now, as she stands overlooking the world, her memories of their times together will keep her warm when his hooves no longer can. With her final hours and the remembrance of their life together, her life will slowly fall back into place. With his confidence and her love, nothing can shake her. Now, at the end of everything, does she understand how it all went wrong.
What she doesn't understand, however, is that she's wrong about everything. ~~~~~ My regards to the incomparable AeronJVL for use of his artwork (Sunshine) and to my very first commenter and this story's pre-reader: Jagg
She had always been the one to back down from a fight or succumb to the pressures of others. She even tried once to change her personality and her core principles to adopt a behavior she thought would make her a better mare. She had long been the town pushover, the Ponyville doormat...
But now, as she felt the uneven ground beneath her hooves and savored the stinging cold of the mountain she stood atop:
Fluttershy was the bravest soul for miles.
The little yellow pegasus stood on the pinnacle of her own little world, the champion of her domain. For the first time in her life she was stronger and more resilient than the mountain she had conquered, more confident in her own abilities and resolve than she had ever been. That thin little mare had tackled the peak just like she'd subdued her hesitations, and now she was just as strong and her spirits were just as high. Fluttershy looked upon the world and beamed as the birds circled and swooped above her head, playing on the wind and the hidden thermals as they awaited what was to come.
How simple it would be to slip the bonds of earth and soar through the heavens, giving herself to the wind like Rainbow did! What liberty and glory there was in the idea of flight! She'd never been comfortable with the idea of her life being held firmly in her flying abilities, nor the idea of what consequences would come should those wings fail her.
But those birds above her who played and soared, gyrating and diving through the invisible substance of the wind? They were blissfully unafraid! They cavorted and tumbled with gleeful abandon, chirping and shrieking out their exaltations into the the powder-blue reaches of their vast unending playground.
Soon, she would join them in their courage.
As the day progressed Fluttershy had watched the world slowly grow, its miniscule changes held in rapt attention by her careful and caring eyes. She had watched as the flowers grew imperceptibly slowly in the patches of forest she had trekked through, gasping in wonder when they felt her presence and willed themselves open to display their hidden glories. She guarded over the land below and saw the landscape darkening in places as the untamed clouds above the Everfree Forest broke through their confines and trespassed into the waiting hooves of Ponyville's weather team. She'd played with and spoken to the various pikas and marmots who lived on the rocky field where she'd eaten her lunch, and had lazed in the sun on one more glorious day in Equestria.
It had been, for lack of a better word: perfect.
She had had time to think about her decision, and the more she re-examined its validity the happier she became. He had given her that confidence, and now she would do him proud by using it.
Looking out into the world around her, Fluttershy found that the sun was finally setting. Despite its exhaustion it was still flawless and heavenly, dipping lower and lower towards the western horizon to allow itself some rest before gracing the world with another day. The river below her vantage point whorled its way through the trees and vast expanses of grass, playing with the banks and various gorges of the vast interminable prairie that spread out before her as far as she could see.
Fluttershy had another few hours to spare. She already knew just what to do with them. She had her memories of their most perfect days all picked out, just like she told him she would. She knew that right about now he would be reading the journals wherein her thoughts, dreams, and aspirations lay immortalized on the pages. She would give those memories new life in her mind, and the fact that they would be dreaming about their times together at the same moment made her heart soar far higher than the birds she'd watched before.
She had been preparing for this for the whole day and now it was time to follow through.
She had to be courageous, for it was what he would have wanted her to be.
As the wind whipped around the corners of the jutting spire she sat away from, Fluttershy couldn't help but shiver. The last time she had trembled on this particular spot he had been right there to keep her warm, to share his heat with her in the hopes that she would know he was nearby to take care of her. He had always taken care of her, ever since they had met.
He had been so close behind her, his breaths so calm...
His embrace, so firm...
Don't get ahead of yourself, honey, Fluttershy thought, giving her heart a little nudge to keep it from expanding. You've got a while until that one...
Her rebellious heart's fluttering died down slightly, but not before giving her one preemptive taste of the last memory she promised she'd relive, that one fleeting sensation she’d thought she’d lost to the vapid frigidity of her heartbreak:
Their shared heat. Her bold movements. Her desires made manifest in a single moment of unadulterated courage.
It had been not so long ago, but now when all was said and done it seemed like an age. Here they had sat, just a few days prior.
But now?
Now she felt her sides to touch only her own skin. She couldn't feel or even imagine the utterly paralyzing twitterpation she'd struggled to fight as she stroked that foreign hoof she'd felt hold her close all that time ago. Her eyes closed as her imagination went wild with the mere memory of listening to his heartbeat through the darkness. It had beat on ceaselessly, thumping so furiously against her back... just inches away from her own palpitating heart.
But now there was nothing.
Nothing but the pegasus, the peak, and the dying of the day.
The place he'd been was now as cold as the hole he'd left behind. There was no soft hoof to caress, no beating heart to listen to to remind her of her safety. There was no strong crimson chest to burrow her way into in the hopes that she would finally touch that heart she’d come to love.
There was no stallion there to realize that he had stolen her heart and breath away, right there on the mountain... right where she sat now.
Fluttershy surveyed the shadows of the clouds and the craggy peaks beyond as she ticked off the hours until her great endeavor. Shivering as the wind whipped through her mane, she wrapped her blanket around her shoulders to stave off the coming cold as the world grew slowly darker.
He couldn’t be there to keep her warm anymore, even though she wished it could be that way.
But even though he wasn’t nearby to keep her safe, she didn’t mind. Fluttershy could see his face as she slipped into her first memory, and it gave her heart a little flutter to keep it pumping her own heat into every corner of her body.
“He is still here. He will always be here," she whispered as she felt her heartbeat.
So quiet and warm...
So broken.
“Even if I won’t be.”
~~~~~
The thundering of his hooves heralded his arrival long before his monumentally powerful hindlegs kicking down the front door of the library finally announced his presence. Scanning every possible nook and cranny in the treehouse lobby he had bludgeoned his way into, he began his search with a frantic scramble towards the far side of the room. He didn’t even notice as a lavender unicorn mare with her nose in a book screamed in fright as he slammed open the door to the basement. Looking around frantically, he couldn't see a single flash of yellow or her perfect voluminous mane.
She wasn't here! She hadn't been in her home! She hadn't been anywhere!
Where did she go?!
“Where is she?!” the stallion screamed, wheeling on the librarian still trembling in shock at his arrival. “Please, tell me where she is?! Please tell me she's okay!!”
“I don’t...” the mare stuttered, unable to comprehend his emotions or the words he’d choked out from behind his trembling, labored breaths. “I don’t know who... why are you... what’s going on, Macintosh?! What’s wrong?!”
“She’s going to do it!!!” Macintosh stammered, his head darting around to inspect every nook his love could possibly be hiding in. “She’s going to do it, Twilight! I can’t let her do it! You need to help me find her before it’s too late!!!”
“Twilight, is everything okay? I could have sworn I...”
Macintosh turned to find his love’s purple-haired friend standing in the doorway, a silver tray laden with tea held at her side in her sparkling magic. She looked from terrified stallion to equally scared librarian in the space of a moment. It was a moment seized in a flash of crimson as Macintosh charged her, grabbing her shoulders to direct her face towards his own as her tray clattered to the floor.
“Rarity, please: tell me where she is?! Where did she go?! She must have told someone where she was going!”
“Macintosh, please, ” Rarity trembled, the tears in his eyes prompting her own to water. “Just calm down and tell us everything! What’s gotten you so worked up?! Please, just take a few deep breaths...”
“She’s gone!!!” Macintosh barked, wheeling back towards the librarian. “She left me... she just left me these! I can’t... I read through them, and she... she told me everything! I know everything! She’s run away, and I can’t... I can’t... why can't I find her!? Please, where is she?! She can't do this!”
“Left you what, Big Macintosh?” Twilight whispered in terror, her eyes darting about his face as her brilliant mind struggled to keep up. As she tried in vain to read the hidden portents of his expression, Macintosh smashed his hoof into the floor and gesturing with his eyes to the cargo on his back.
“The journals, her letter... they’re right there in my saddlebags!”
As the librarian made her way closer to the stallion now seated firmly on the floor, Rarity levitated the assorted pages he had pointed to and began to read furiously, looking for any sign or hint of the mare's whereabouts. His eyes could only stare at the floor as Twilight drew in close to comfort the grieving stallion, and as Twilight shared a look with Rarity to illuminate their shared worry, their resolve grew. This was just one more problem the gang could solve together.
That resolve the two mares shared, however, cracked and capitulated as Big Macintosh began to weep uncontrollably. His face contorted in excruciating agony as his chest buckled, tightening under the horrible pain of his distress. His head was downcast all the while, and not even his once-powerful frame could have removed it.
Big Macintosh was inconsolable, and that one immutable fact terrified them far more than his screams for help ever could.
“Please,” he choked out, rocking his anguish away to cast the visions of his love’s promises from his mind. “Please... help me! She doesn’t know about the Crusaders and what they did! She thinks... she saw me with Cheerilee just a few days ago, and she...”
“The Crusaders... you don’t mean when they drugged you and Cheerilee with their love potion, do you?” Twilight whispered, her eyes widening as she finally arrived on the meat of the matter.
His nodding head was answer enough for Twilight, and as she rubbed his shoulder she afforded him a sad smile.
"That wasn't your fault, Macintosh! You didn't want that to happen, and neither did Cheerilee! You got that sorted out, the girls learned their lesson, and everything is back to normal! It was all just one big misunderstanding, and I have no doubt she'll listen to you."
"But she's gone!" Macintosh shouted, rounding on the librarian in frustration. "She's not here! I don't know where she is, and she's in danger! I have to tell her everything! She needs to know!"
“Relax! It’s going to be just fine, Macintosh,” Twilight whispered, sidling up as close as she dared to the silently weeping stallion. Her soft smile did nothing to assuage his distress, and not even the usually comforting stroke of a pony's back could bring him around. There was little she could do but give her assurances, for they were far warmer than her hoof could ever be.
“Everything is going to be okay, you’ll see. The girls and I will help you find her, whoever she is.”
"It's... it's..." he whimpered, his struggling voice combating his nerves as every muscle crunched and flexed under the weight of his despair.
“It's Fluttershy.”
The librarian, giving one last stroke of Big Macintosh's shoulder, turned to face the mare who'd spoken behind her. So this was the identity of the mystery mare who'd made such an entreat into the emotional stability of the strongest, most collected stallion in Equestria! Twilight couldn't help but smile: soon everything would be well, especially if this problem's source was somepony as kind and understanding as their dearest Fluttershy. Rarity would know just what to do, Twilight would rally the girls, and soon this could all be resolved...
But the face she saw staring soundlessly back was far whiter than that seamstress's face could ever have allowed. Twilight's confidence plummeted as Rarity, oblivious to her surroundings, stared in horror at the final lines of a single solitary page. A tear flashed down her previously stark-white cheek, and as she turned to face Twilight the letters slipped from her grasp and fluttered to the ground.
The sound they made on the wooden floor below was cacophonous, and the words she whispered as she stared at Twilight would be the most terrifying utterances that librarian would ever hear.
"Fluttershy... she's going to..." Rarity whispered, her knees quivering as all vestiges of life and hope seeped silently from her eyes to tumble to the ground.
The sun was slowly rising on her first day in Ponyville, but even though the day promised to be quite lovely Fluttershy couldn't find it within herself to enjoy it. Her bags had been unpacked and her boxes unloaded in her cottage with the exception of one errant crate of dry goods, a parcel gone awry thanks to the attention—or lack thereof—of one of the local delivery-mares. Fluttershy didn't mind the hiccup: that delivery mare was an exceptionally hard-worker, even if her eyes and her speech were a little off. It did, however, require her bashful presence in the marketplace to make up for her lack of food.
Her contingency plan was now her only option as she had been thrust into this foreign world a week ahead of schedule, forced to brave the marketplace and the ponies who worked within before she had really gotten a feel for the town. Fluttershy steadied her trembling with a few deep breaths and brushed her mane to calm herself down, undoing the knots in both her hair and her will with her reassurances.
"It's okay, Fluttershy... you can do this!" her little voice whispered for her heart to hear, a heart which hid away even further as a pair of ponies passed by and gave her an odd look. Her wings reflexively clamped closer to her sides as they trotted away, and only when she had taken three deep breaths to calm her nerves did she reopen her eyes to make sure they had departed.
"It's okay, honey," she whispered through her exhalations. "They don't think you're weak! They don't even know you! They've never seen you before, that's all. You're new, but that doesn't mean you're any less nice than they are! They'll understand what you can do, they just have to get to know you... that's all!"
Her reaffirmation kicked her resolve into high gear as she turned to face down the alleyway where she had hidden away. With another calming breath she finally raised her head to examine the courtyard and the souls who lingered there not chained as she was to the weight of their reservations.
Dozens of ponies laden with food, furniture, artwork, and other wares milled to and fro under the patches of sunlight trickling through the cloud cover. Their faces beamed with joy and excitement as they shook off the lingering tendrils of sleep to revel in the glory of the early morning. Carrots, turnips, lettuce, and various exotic and foreign fruits and vegetables sat glistening from their morning cleanings, looking almost as bright as the faces of the ponies who bore them along.
Above her head, she could see her dearest friend Rainbow Dash in the middle of a ring of pegasi. It was apparent she was briefing them as to their morning duties, and as she pointed to various clusters of clouds little flashes of color sped off from the congregated mass as her team went to wrangle or eliminate their charges. That cyan weather-mare was in total control, and her bearing demanded their respect.
It was her understanding of her team's limits, however, which made them give her their admiration.
"That's easy enough!" Fluttershy whispered as she shook her mane and straightened out the remaining knots. "Just be strong. Just be like Dashie! You can do this Fluttershy! They don't know you yet, so you have to make them know you're brave!"
As if by some heavenly design the alleyway in which she'd hidden away suddenly illuminated as the patch of cloud above her was pushed away. Marveling at what serendipitous forces had given her those last few pieces of her courage, Fluttershy gave herself the brightest of grins as a beam of sunlight laid out a glittering road of warmth for her to follow.
In just a few moments her will had turned a sharp about-face, and now her confidence was just as bright as that luminous yellow strip which would herald her arrival into this new society.
"Alright, Ponyville," she asserted, stamping her hoof as she made her declaration to the marketplace before her and the world beyond. "Say hello to Fluttershy!"
Then, with a final shake of her mane, she took a few tentative steps forward. Finding that her conscience was still intact, she found that the next few steps were a little easier. With every step her confidence grew, and by the time she broke from the confines of the alleyway and made her way into the courtyard she found that she wasn’t even aware of just how out of place she looked. Nopony knew just who she was, but that didn’t matter: they didn’t know just how timid she was on the inside, so it was a fresh new start for her! Cloudsdale had always been a little unkind to those few pegasi who were unsure or unwilling to give their all at flight, so hopefully she would be a perfect fit for this quiet Earth-pony town.
Looking around Farmer's Market now bustling with activity, she found the first vendor she needed to approach selling his fruits, vegetables, and various trinkets. He looked nice enough, old and grizzled though he was, and that lingering thought gave her a little courage as she walked across the square. She found herself adopting that face she’d practiced in the mirror just that morning, but instead of just donning that façade of artificial contentment, she was actually content... no, happy! Joyous! It was a beautiful morning, and everyone was so nice! Nopony was yelling at her for not flying, or holding her head low, or not talking like the others! They didn’t mind she was shy!
It was full of pride that she made her way up to the vendor, holding her head up high as she gestured with her nose to a little bushel of apples.
“Hello!” Fluttershy chirped happily, her voice far stronger than she imagined it would be. With a little blush and a jolt of surprise she corrected her volume in the hopes no one would mock her for her over-jubilant tone. With a cough she lowered her head and continued, weighing her words and their volume before letting them tumble out of her mouth.
“Umm... hi! Sorry, I was just wondering... umm... how much for the apples? I’m just curious, I didn’t see a price on them...”
“What, these?!” the green salespony chuckled, prodding the apples with his hoof. “These here are four bits for the bushel! Buy two bushels and I’ll drop it down to six bits for the lot!”
“That sounds fair! I'll take two!” Fluttershy exclaimed, her smile wide as she nodded her consent to his bargain. As he selected her bushels with a calculating eye, she slid off her saddlebags to find her little purse. His kind green eyes watched her expectantly as he carried his load and placed it within her saddlebag, trotting back to his stand to write out the record of their transaction as she continued to rummage for her purse in the opposite bag.
Even though she found herself hurrying up to try and find her money, it was obvious he didn’t mind. No one minded when she poked her head into her saddlebags, leaving her body exposed in such an odd position. She gave a sigh of relief: no one was making fun of her for looking so weird!
They might, however, make fun of her when they found out that she had left her money at home.
Pushing aside her various necessities with her hooves, she found no little canvas bag which held her allowance of money for the market, and with a flutter of her wings she leapt over her bags to find a similar absence of coin beneath the apples he had loaded.
“Oh no oh no oh no!!!”
Scrambling furiously to find her money, the salespony's hoof tapping offhandedly against the dusty ground signaled his presence and his mounting impatience. His eyebrows cocked as he watched her struggle to find her money in vain, and his face only slackened when he found no bits to grace his hoof. With a sad smile she raised her head and faced him, giving herself a little breath to calm herself down.
He would understand, there was no doubt about that...
“I’m sorry for the trouble, Sir...” Fluttershy began tremulously, picking her words as carefully as he had picked his apples. “I don’t mean to inconvenience you, but it seems I left my money at home! Would you mind if I go back and...”
“Oh no, you little thief! You’re not going to walk away from this so easily!”
She hadn’t expected him to be quite so caustic, and where once his smiling face had been the center of her attention she now found it quite aligned in the opposite. His eyes were aflare as he advanced on her, and she found herself scrambling backwards to lean against his cart to hide herself away from his angry eyes.
“I’m not trying to steal,” Fluttershy cried. “I’m really not! I was just going to fly back home and...”
“And... what?” the salespony barked, stamping his hoof in annoyance. “You were thinking of taking my apples with you, I expect?! Do you really expect me to think you’re just going to come back on your word and give me what you owe? You must be new, kid, because that’s not how things work around here! I worked for these apples, and you’re going to pay for them!”
“I plan on it, I just... I don’t have... I didn’t mean...”
“You wasted my time and you distracted potential customers!” he snarled acerbically, giving her another violent glare. "Do you know how many ponies passed by and couldn't get what they wanted because you were making things difficult?"
Shaking her head as her first tear fell, she couldn't find anything to say. Her lips were trembling too much and her heart was so low in her breast she could feel it thumping against the ground below.
“Don't you ever expect to buy anything from me again, kid! I don't deal with thieves or time-wasters! Is that understood?”
She gave a little nod as her lips trembled, and as she curled up to shield herself from his eyes' acidic bite she couldn’t help but close her eyes and allow herself to cry.
She hadn’t meant to do anything to ruin his day! Why wouldn’t he listen? What had she done wrong?!
“Lay off her, Bramley...”
A deep rumbling voice stood out alone in the hustle and bustle of the square, and it might have been due to its proximity that it was so loud and controlled. As she listened intently, however, it was not only his voice but the utter silence of this corner of the square which aided in its volume. The various ponies who had once been enjoying their morning stood by silently as this newcomer made his presence known, the weight of his hoofsteps almost causing those rocks and pebbles which she stared at so intently to dance and jump at his approach.
Soon, however, the dancing stopped, and as she turned her gaze to regard the voice's source she found a solid wall of crimson fur a mere foot away, standing right there at her side. Beyond that vast frame she could see a ring of ponies watching a few yards off, murmuring to one another as her crimson savior stood towering over her. His apple half cutie mark tensed with muscle as he stood his ground.
She hadn’t seen his face, but she didn’t need to. She knew just what he looked like based on his voice alone... or at least what she imagined him to look like. He must have been defiant, calm, but fiery like the stallion who'd rebuked her. He must have been kind, for that booming voice was far more soothing than she could ever have imagined it would be. The thought alone made her resolve lift just enough to listen into their conversation.
“Excuse me,” the grouchy vendor snarled, “but the last time I checked you don’t run this market! I can do what I want with my thieving customers, especially this one who thought she could run away with my hard-earned apples!”
“She didn’t mean to and you know it,” the voice said calmly, his slight drawl hidden away only by his melodious and powerful baritone. “You loaded up her bags just as much as she forgot her money. You’re just as responsible for them being there as she is for her faults.”
Some of the ponies behind him murmured and nodded their heads, for they had been watching just as much as he had. With a little stamp of his hoof the crimson wall made another proclamation.
“Take back your apples and leave her alone. If she can’t pay, she can’t pay... but that doesn’t mean you're allowed to attack her for it!”
She could feel the older apple vendor's eyes probing her, looking for signs of weakness. There were plenty to be found.
Finally summoning enough courage to lift her head, she found the two stallions staring each other down, the green one far older and more wrinkled than the red mountainous stallion who stood beside her. That defiant red powerhouse held his ground, his face passive and calm despite the anger and barely-checked rage of his rival’s venomous eyes.
Her protector was thick and burly, bulging in places with massive muscles which rippled like waves beneath his flesh, but there was no tension of his frame which she could see. He might have been strong... but right now, as he faced down the older, more violent stallion: he was utterly calm. She was unable to find any shred of hesitation or doubt in her champion's bearing, and still he remained when he could have easily ignored her silent pleas for help. She couldn't help but smile as she wiped away a little tear.
She was safe.
With a little *huff*, the green stallion extricated his bushels from her saddlebags, swinging them up and over the rim of his cart to land heavily amongst all the others. Knowing her savior had emerged victorious, Fluttershy brushed her mane from her eyes after a few moments, taking the time required to wrangle in her wayward confidence and allow herself to look up.
The sight she found turned the whole world silent.
Her champion was smiling down at her as if nothing had happened, as if her mistakes had no meaning. Those eyes betrayed that he didn't care that her stumble had tarnished her brand new reputation. They whispered soundlessly that those things didn't matter... that all that mattered was that she was safe. Their shared smile shocked them both into petrification, and as she recorded the details of his face the color in the world around her slowly faded away.
Still hugging the ground, she found herself calm and collected as he lowered his head and kept his voice low.
"Miss, are you alright?"
Not even the hustle and bustle of the marketplace could have hid that deep sonorous voice away for long, but it wouldn't have mattered. The voices of the dispersing sea of ponies who had lost interest in the resolved feud had walked away and left the two of them alone. They had disappeared, and through the enveloping silence his voice sounded out alone. Those ponies faded away even more when he offered her a little smile.
"Don't mind him," the stallion whispered, keeping his voice steady while nodding in the direction of the rival apple vendor. "He's having a rough day."
"I didn't mean to..." Fluttershy stammered, her words still dripping with her stifled tears. "I just, you see I... umm... I left my..."
"You don't need to explain yourself" the stallion stated evenly, offering the demure pegasus his hoof as he raised himself from his bow. She gave herself a few moments to clean off her face before taking his hoof, using the limb as a support. Brushing the dust off her sides with her hooves and tail, Fluttershy gave a little smile as her hair broke free from behind her ears and cascaded around her face.
"What's your name?" he offered quietly, keeping his voice low as he picked up her saddlebags in his teeth and allowed her a few moments to get ready before helping her get them on. Gesturing with his hoof towards the far side of the market, she fell into step at his side without a single thought or hesitation. Before she'd even noticed, she was walking beside him through the square as if she had always known him...as if it had always been this way.
'How did he do that?!' Fluttershy puzzled before realizing she owed him an answer.
"My name?" she stammered, looking around to distract her mind only to find herself staring at the great yoke he carried so effortlessly on his shoulders. "Why do you... I mean, I don't even know you! Why do you want to know my name?"
"Well, I can't call you 'Thief' forever, now can I?" the stallion retorted calmly, shooting her a little grin.
She praised what forces that were that she'd inherited her mother's thick, long hair. That blush wouldn't die away anytime soon!
"Umm... well," Fluttershy murmured, kicking a few rocks as she watched his shoulder, unable to give herself that courage to look him in the eyes. "It's... umm... well, it's Fluttershy."
"It’s nice to meet you Fluttershy,” the stallion replied, gazing over his shoulder at the little pegasus who, unbeknownst to herself, was finally smiling on her own again. They shared a little glance, and she couldn’t help but emit the biggest, goofiest grin she had ever told herself not to give when he gave her a little wink. She found herself covering her face in surprise with her hooves with a little *eeep!*, but her actions came without regard to gravity or balance. With a stifled gasp of surprise Fluttershy fell down hard, losing both her balance and that momentary sense of pride his little wink had helped reinvigorate.
Chuckling at her embarrassment and her flustered attempts to hide her shame, he sat down on the ground before his yellow companion, her face still covered all the while. With a little nudge, he pushed her hooves down just a tiny bit to expose her sea-blue eyes and the blushing face beneath.
“...You can call me Big Macintosh.”
~~~~~
Fluttershy opened her eyes to find the sun had only moved but a fraction of an inch compared to the vastness of the sky and the mountains which would be her marker. As soon as the edges of that star touched the tallest peak of the range beyond, it would be time for her final memory. As it was now, she had enough time for a few more blissful reveries before her commitment.
Tightening her blanket over her shoulders, she played with the little flowers at her sides as she lingered on the strands of her next memory, batting the edges before gripping it entirely to be whisked away again.
It still surprised her, even now, that things had changed so rapidly as they had when they first tested the waters with one another. It might have taken a long time to finally make her move, but she had done it alone without the aid, advice, or even knowledge of her friends. She had been totally independent and unafraid of being let down.
She had been utterly confident for the very first time.
Watching the soft pink petals of the blossoming tree at her side whisking and dancing on the wind beyond the edges of her outcrop, she drifted back into her daydream with a smile.
It had been just like this...
~~~~~
"Pinkie: you cover the west side of town and keep that sense of yours on alert! Applejack: warn the farmers and ask if they've seen her in their fields or orchards! Rarity, Twilight: use your magic to scan the town. Rainbow: you need to keep watch in the sky. She could be anywhere, so you need to be everywhere. Does that make sense, girls?"
The five mares nodded their consent before splitting off into their respective tasks, each driven to action by Macintosh's command. The stallion himself followed after Rainbow Dash as she rocketed for the far side of town before speeding straight upwards to scan the land below.
There was only one place he knew of where she might have gone, and thus his heart sped him along and gave infinite power to his hooves in pursuit of her one possible destination.
As he turned down the corner towards his own orchard, he sent a little prayer to his Princesses just in the hopes that his love was there, safe from harm, willing to listen to the truth and forgive him for his weakness.
With a bound, he cleared the fence bordering his orchard from the untamed wilds of the Everfree Forest and stampeded for the one place he prayed she would be:
The place where he saw her heart for the very first time.
It had been just as cold, despite the sun and the lingering presence of the heat in the earth below... a heat which slowly faded as the day progressed to give in to night.
The passing of autumn into winter came that year with tremendous force, and every pony in town was scurrying to make their last minute preparations to bolster their homes from the encroaching cold and the inevitable snowfall. The whipping winds had damaged some houses despite the town’s attempts to remove the guilty limbs from the trees some weeks prior. All ponies, young and old alike, had chipped in not only to remove more possible destructive branches but to repair those ponies’ homes that had been destroyed.
Fluttershy gave thanks she hadn’t been impacted so severely: her windows had cracked as a result of some whipping branches and flying debris during the latest thunderstorm, and her roof had remained intact despite the falling of some smaller branches. Although a direct hit would most assuredly cause her some panic and more than a little damage, her roof was strong and her preparations had been thorough. All was well, for her home and the animals who resided within were safe with a roof over their heads and a fire to enjoy.
The same couldn’t be said for her poor chickens.
Their coop had not only been pelted and berated with every sort of flying object imaginable, but had been ransacked and turned into the temporary den for a small troop of foxes who had taken up residence within to avoid the cold. With some effort and more than a few nice words Fluttershy had succeeded in asking them to leave, and as she brewed her tea indoors her new-found friend Big Macintosh was making repairs and strengthening the supports as best he could to ensure nothing like this would come to pass again. He was out there now, braving the wild winds and latest surges of rain and sleet to ensure her coop would be able to withstand the snowfall and the coming storms. He had volunteered, saying 'that’s what friends do'.
He had called himself her friend. He had earned that title in her eyes, yet despite every inclination she had to accept his friendship she always thought that word sounded odd... especially when applied to him.
It hadn't been too long ago that she had found herself on the receiving end of a vicious tirade against her character, only to find herself defended by the town’s resident workhorse and apple merchant. He had been kind and gentle with her, that day and in the following weeks, slowly encouraging her to make new friends and take on new challenges. He had provided some support for her brief foray into modeling, despite his rustic bearing and his lack of knowledge of the world she had been unceremoniously thrown into. He had been there to listen to her every word as she recounted the tale of her verbal chidings against a raging dragon.
He had been there for whatever she needed: bunny-sitting Angel when she went away with the girls, emergency deliveries of apples for whenever a family of woodland critters required her home until they got back on their paws. Fixing coops. Repairing windows. Listening. Laughing.
He had been there through everything, every minor life event made special just with his presence, every insecurity made superfluous with his words of assurance and courage. He had always been kind, taking her needs into account before his own. He never gave unwanted help, and he was always nearby to talk to.
He had done so many things for her in the past... but now, as he worked outside to help her yet again, she watched her water boil with a singular motive:
To return the attention.
She loved her friends and cherished all the kindness and love they had shown her... but there was something about him which stood out, something about his character and his confidence which she adored far more than the love her friends had given her. She adored his resolve, his kindness, his patience, and his honesty. She loved whenever he would smile, as it was her sign that all was right in her confusing and terrifying world. It was her indication that she was safe from any danger.
These flutterings, these lilting emotions... they couldn't have been just her everyday feelings, for they had never come around when she'd been anywhere without him. Only when she was in his presence did they make themselves known. It wasn't just the fact that he was always around to help her or take care of her: that was more of his neighborly duty given her proximity to the orchard. In his attention towards her protection, he had shown something else entirely.
In his kindness, she had found a modicum of strength. In his assistance when things got rough, she had regained some peace of mind. She owed him everything, and in some small way he had been a part of every adventure she and her friends undertook.
She had always been too nervous or timid to ask for what she wanted, to be assertive in the pursuit of her desires. She hated asking for others to give her those things which she believed herself inadequate to handle or appreciate. But now, for the first time in her life, she wanted more. She wanted to finally break free from her hesitations, be courageous and bold like Rainbow Dash, shrug off the preconceived notions the townsponies had about her anxiety and reaffirm herself to her own determination like she had on her very first day in town.
She wanted to finally be strong... and with him at her side, she could be just as confident and courageous as he was.
The searing heat of the teapot against her hoof drew her out of her little cogitations and reminded her of another truth hidden away from her by the warmth of her imagination. That truth came back with a searing jolt that lanced through her hoof and her dying bravery.
"Pain, Fluttershy... it will only lead to pain” she mused aloud, waiting for the pot to cool before preparing her infuser with her preferred brew. Dipping the little brass clasp filled with her favorite autumnal blend of tea leaves with their lilting hints of blackberries and chestnut, she reminded herself of what would come from her desires.
Heartache, terror, hesitation, pain... these things she had lived and grown up with would most assuredly come back to her as she tackled this wonderful new foe and brought it to heel. They would rear their ugly heads and scream their silent terrors at her. Fluttershy, like she had with the dragon, would be required to be bold when everything else told her to turn tail and run away.
It was a mystery, even to herself, if she could recover that resolve. She knew she would lose all hope in the face of these new experiences like she did in confronting those things which plagued her every day. Her friends had all the confidence in the world, but in doing so they had left little for her to find and keep for herself. She relied on them for everything, and only on the occasions when they had relinquished their hold on their bravery was Fluttershy able to pick it up from the ground and use it for herself.
But Macintosh? He had plenty of courage and kindness to spare! He had given her so much of that calm assurance that she believed herself ready to try her hoof at this next small step forward, her next giant leap for happiness. Even if she should fail, she would at least succeed in some small way towards making herself a little better, improving on her character just a little more everyday until she wasn't as afraid of her world. All of that mystery and uncertainty which lay hidden away to pounce on her the second she thought herself capable of some monumental task would be cast aside. All she had to do was try!
What better time to try to come into her own, now that she was prepared to take that step?
Who better to take the first step than with him?
As their shared brew steeped, she afforded her home a little glance. Her fire was roaring, and many of her woodland friends had circled the fireplace in order to stave off the cold emanating from her slightly cracked windows. With a few blankets she had succeeded in stemming most of the cold air, but there was some which still made its way inside to trouble them with its frigid bite. The fact that she knew what she had to do gave her some additional warmth, and as she rested on her sofa to listen to the crackling of the fire and the light whispers of the entreating wind, she smiled in comfort. Everything would be for the best.
As she turned to check the tea's progress, a knock on the door signaled the arrival of her helper. As he opened her door to get himself warm and situated, his calculated movements and his utter silence immediately screamed that something was wrong. He held his hoof for a few moments before walking towards her, wincing slightly with every step of his left leg.
“Macintosh, are you okay?! Did those foxes come back?!” Fluttershy queried, jumping from her cushion to cautiously advance towards him. Without a backwards glance he removed his raincoat and his saddlebags filled with tools, various nails, and other assorted crafts-pony miscellany. With a grunt and a shake of his mane he was able to cast off much of the residual rainwater, but in doing so he inadvertently cast off something else which alarmed her even further:
A few drops of his most precious blood.
“Oh my goodness, Macintosh! You're hurt!” Fluttershy gasped in alarm, flapping her wings to meet him at the door in a flash. Grasping his hoof and bringing it towards her for inspection, her eyes grew wide as she cleaned the dirt from his wounds despite his almost-imperceptible wince of pain. Rolling his limb to inspect the damage, she surveyed his hoof and blood-soaked fetlocks as he slid his raincoat and his bags towards the door.
"It's nothin' to be concerned about, Fluttershy. The foxes came back and didn't especially like me bein' there, so we had a few words... and a few swipes."
In validation of his story, Fluttershy found a series of short, deep gashes on his hoof: the remnants of his quarrel with her uninvited tenants. Reeling in shock, she wiped his blood from her hooves on the floor and placed the limb carefully back on the ground lest she exacerbate his pain further.
"You stay right there, I'm going to grab my first-aid kit!" the frightened pegasus exclaimed, attempting to turn and fly away before her injured assistant held her tail in place, preventing her from leaving with a shake of his head.
"Oh no, Fluttershy! Don't you worry about me, I'll be just—"
"Don't you say 'fine'! That doesn't look fine, Macintosh!" Fluttershy asserted, stamping her hoof in defiance. "I'm going to fix you up, okay?"
"Please, Fluttershy, you don't need to do that!" he exclaimed, waving his hoof in disinclination. "I'm just going to go on home and let it heal on its own."
"Oh no you won't, mister!" Fluttershy snapped, gesturing to his injured limb with her own as she took a few steps forward, inadvertently causing him to recoil in shock. "I've seen a lot of scrapes, but that one is the worst! It's going to get infected if you leave it open, and I don't want that to happen! You got hurt doing work I should have been doing, so I'm going to fix you up! I'm not going to hear any arguments about this, okay?!"
With a hurried little series of nods her crimson charge gave his consent, the stallion utterly silent as his demanding yellow doctor gave him her trademark stare. A few moments lost in those silent and infinitely terrifying eyes rendered him incapable of movement, and as Fluttershy's eyes glazed over she relinquished her gaze and looked at him alarm before retreating a few steps.
"Oh my goodness," Fluttershy gasped. "I am so sorry! I sounded so mean and I... I used the stare! I didn't mean to be snappy with you, I really didn't! It's just I'm worried about your hoof and... umm... you were, well..."
Her verbal gesticulations were prematurely silenced as he began to chuckle, his throaty laughter echoing around the room and filling those spaces the warmth of the fire couldn't reach. A few moments of his laughter filled her with all the assurance of the world, and as he granted her with a warm smile she found his uninjured hoof on her shoulder to add physical weight to those of his words.
"Don't you worry, Doc," he chuckled, giving her shoulder a soft stroke. "You did what you thought was right, even if I didn't think I needed it. You're right: it does look serious... so if you promise not to give me that stare again, I promise not to be so stubborn. Is that okay?"
With a little nod she returned his calm smile, and as he removed his hoof from her shoulder his little nod gave her his silent permission to aid him. He remained motionless on the ground, patiently awaiting her return as she zoomed towards her kitchen, swiped her medical bag from beneath her sink, and made her way back to the stallion on the floor. He remained utterly quiet, giving her all the time in the world to unpack her things and prepare herself to clean his wounds.
"Just out of curiosity: you don't use that stare on all your patients, do you?"
He kept his voice low as she wiped the residual blood from his hooves, watching her practiced and calculated movements with an appreciative eye. With a little grin she took his injured hoof in her own for moment, seemingly lost in its weight and structure. Remarking on his wounds with a slight shudder, she gave him a reassuring smile before gripping his hoof firmly and, with a twist her head, pouring a healthy dose of peroxide directly over his slashes.
With a little grimace his massive form jerked for a single moment, but not long enough for his pain to become clearly evident. It was a moment she noticed, and the fact that he had done so made her start in surprise. He could feel pain, when everything about him suggested to the world he was invulnerable! She had brought out that side of him! What else could she uncover, given time?
He emitted an almost silent grunt as he adjusted to the new-found pain, and the mare before him cradled herself into a warm submission with that wonderful revelation. Fluttershy dabbed the drips of blood from his hoof and the residual foaming solution, considering her words carefully lest they betray her shock.
"Just the unruly ones!" Fluttershy said coyly, shooting him a devilish grin before placing a gauze pad over his wounds. "It's reserved for the most belligerent of ponies and the most finicky of patients, and you just so happen to be both!
Then, as they smiled at one another, Big Macintosh gave into her healing completely. He sat himself firmly on the ground as she began to wrap his hooves in gauze, and she could feel that residual tension which held his hoof ever at the ready die away as he gave in to her movements. For the very first time he was allowing her complete control, letting her take command of his hoof as the job required.
Her dressing of his wounds and her intimate attention to her work was all Fluttershy could do to distract herself from the palpitating pitter-pat of her heart. She had made her intentions known! She had been assertive and strong, just like he was, and in the end she had been confident enough for him to trust her with his care! What else could she be capable of, now that this boundary had been breached? Could she summon the will to follow through with her plan?
Would she be as victorious in that as she had been just seconds prior?
Her thoughts kept her mind alert and churning as she applied the last of his wrappings, cinching her handiwork tight with a little bow. Then, to test for gaps or loose spaces, she squeezed her dressing all around to cement it into place. When she reached the end of his hoof she gingerly placed it back on the floor, shuffling backwards to survey her work.
Applying his weight on the limb, Fluttershy watched as no grimace or any evidence of lancing pain emerged from Big Macintosh's face. Depressing the limb further, she found him nodding in approval of her skill, a wide smile on his face as he gave her a nod of appreciation.
"It feels like new, Fluttershy! Thank you..." Big Macintosh whispered, turning his eyes from her towards the door, his calm green eyes betraying his desire to leave. As she watched him start towards the door, her heart fell in her chest.
Now was her chance, if only she could bring herself to do it!
"It was no trouble, honestly," Fluttershy muttered, standing up as she watched him collect his things. Nudging his saddlebags closer towards him, she allowed herself a few moments to think before lowering her head and taking a few tentative steps forward.
"Thank you for your help, Macintosh," Fluttershy began quietly, listening in as he prepared himself to face the tempest outside. Her eyes struggled to catch his own, but his actions made her efforts fall flat as he slid his raincoat over his back and nudged his saddlebags into place. "I didn't mean for you to get hurt, and I, umm... I feel pretty bad about that, so... I was wondering if—"
"I told you before: it's no big deal!" Macintosh commented offhandedly, cutting her off as he nudged his saddlebags into a more comfortable position. "I will be just fine, so if you'll excuse me, I need to go back to my barn."
"But," she stuttered, looking from Big Macintosh to her own kitchen at the teapot whose ingredients were now fully steeped. "I made tea! Would you like some? It's my favorite, and it will keep you warm on your way back! It will only be a few moments, if that's okay. It's just I never thanked you for your help, and I just... I just thought I should... I wanted to—"
"I'm sorry, but I can't Fluttershy. It's really time I head ho—"
"Wouldyouliketogoonapicnicwithme?" Fluttershy stammered aloud, breaking the silence and the flow of his sentence as she stomped her hoof to make the desires of her heart known. As the silence between them grew, her eyes grew wide as she clasped her hooves to her mouth, simultaneously cursing and lauding herself for the audacity of her outburst.
Stupid, stupid, stupid Fluttershy! her conscience howled. Why did you do that? A picnic? Stallions don't go on picnics, especially not with a scaredy-pants like you...
"I'd love to..."
You should have waited! He barely knows how much you can handle! He would never want to go on a picnic with you, he is obviously going to say...
Her eyes shot open.
What had he said? His mouth had moved and his sonorous voice had punched through the quiet atmosphere of her warm home, but his words... they hadn't sounded like any variation of 'no' she had ever heard.
"Did..." she whispered, looking from her hooves towards his calm waiting eyes. "Did you just say... yes?!"
"Of course I did," Macintosh declared, complementing his previous words with a smile. "If you can find a spot when the weather is nice, I'll bring the food. Sound like a deal?”
She hadn't expected such a warm acceptance of her plan, nor for him to be smiling as he was now. She had expected to be let down easy, quietly brushed aside as he made his goodbyes, not smiling or nodding in excitement as she was now. She couldn't help but beam, and as she gave him one final nod and grin of consent her heart abounded within her breast. Fluttershy took a few steps forward, closing the gap between them.
“Just as soon as the weather picks up,” she chirped, smiling even further when she finally gathered what courage she had to look him in the eyes. “Once it’s a nice day, we’ll have a picnic!”
Big Macintosh double checked his rain-barding before opening her door, the wind and rain whisking its way inside as he turned to block the door-frame with his massive bulk.
"Sounds good to me" he asserted calmly, stamping his hoof lightly on the floor as if informing the earth below their plans and schemes for the future. Then, with a little bow and a smile, he finally went on his way, closing the door firmly behind him after checking to ensure he had not left anything behind.
Fluttershy listened as his hoofsteps slowly died away, sighing when the sound of his departure was slowly replaced with the crackling of the fire she had prepared for them to share. As she turned to pour her brew she found that the presence of the burning logs had little impact on how warm she felt in this moment, nor did she notice the piping-hot temperature of the tea she poured herself as she joined her friends by the fireplace.
The heat of the fire only added to the burning excitement which wrapped her heart in diaphanous folds of warmth and sensation, lighter than it had ever been before as she replayed the last few minutes in her head. Sipping her tea, she watched as the embers sizzled and burned out, the wood warping as the energetic blaze sapped what fuel it contained. The fire roared, defiant and strong, sounding out its power for the whole room to hear.
She smiled back, just as energetic and proud.
Just as victorious.
~~~~~
The sun's rays cascaded at a slowly diminishing angle as she reopened her eyes, and their heat was almost unnoticed as she continued to rest on the serenity of her dream.
It had all begun on that day and in those few moments of bravery. The blissful days and weeks which followed, the evenings spent talking and sampling tea in her home as they watched the snow fall together, the picnics they took during the coming spring as the world reawakened... they would be the happiest moments she would recall. They would joke and play, laugh and tease, enjoy not only the destinations and experiences which they shared with one another but the profound sense of ease they had found with one another. They would hold onto those glorious discoveries with every passing day, every shared memory, and every mutual smile.
She had slowly opened up like the flowers she had seen just a few hours prior, and soon he would take notice of her if only she kept her will and her wits about her. As long as she didn't succumb to the raging sense of doubt which had always been her constant companion, her life would continue to be a soft enchanting dream as it had been all that time ago.
That sense of doubt, she remembered, had finally died by the side of her little pond. She had shown him her hiding place, her one comfort from the raging of the world and the doubt and inconstancy which it engendered. She had finally taken the courage he'd shown her and allowed herself to finally give in as she had never done... as she had convinced herself she could never do.
Her eyes closed as the days flickered by in her mind, and as she fell backwards into the open spaces of her life she sped through her memories until she rested on a flash of green and blue, the dazzle of the midday sunshine, and the lingering pain in her hooves.
It had all started with a smile...
~~~~~
Big Macintosh blazed through the undergrowth, the vines and various limbs slashing his sides and face as he stampeded for her hideaway only a mile away. Crashing through the forest, he brushed limb, branch, and tree aside as if they had no substance or weight as he made his way ever-forward, panting in exertion. His resolve had never died and his limbs had never given out as he ran over the hills, bounded across the streams, and forded the rivers which she had so effortlessly flown over when they had made their way towards her hidden glen.
She had shown him her one refuge, her safe place... and in doing so she led him by the hoof into her life far further than she had before. He understood then and there, right in the middle of the bright and isolated glen, just how she had felt. He swore aloud for his ignorance and cursed himself as for not realizing it sooner... for not informing her she wasn't alone in how she felt.
She had been there all that time, and only until it was too late had he been bold enough to show his true colors.
Macintosh prayed she would be there where she said she would be, but with every thundering hoofstep his courage died just a little further with the lingering notion that when he arrived he wouldn't be able to find her, hold her close, and protect her from her worries.
He slowly lost hope as he grew to believe he would be too late to save her from herself.
It had been just as peaceful, just as quiet and serene.
The sun had just then poked through the forest canopy as the two ponies walked side-by-side, Macintosh lagging behind slightly as he followed Fluttershy's implicit directions. His saddlebags brimmed with their essentials, and as they carried on with their hike they marveled at what wonders the spring had brought forth from the trees. Birds of myriad colors and species swirled through the air, brought to life by the midday sun and the presence of their favorite pegasus mare on the ground below. Fluttershy watched them as they spun and danced, the fluttering of their wings sending a few tumbling leaves to alight on the ground as soft as her advancing hoofsteps.
"I'm surprised you invited me out here, Fluttershy,” Macintosh had said quietly, examining the forest and surrounding bushes for more signs of life. “I didn't expect you to have such a soft spot for my orchard!”
His gruff voice slid through the silent veil which had lowered between them both, but it had been she who had finally slashed through it entirely.
"I do love your orchard, Macintosh, but it’s this section I adore most of all," Fluttershy muttered to the air around her, still gazing in wonder as their environment bustled with activity. Remaining close to the stallion at her side as the two of them broke through the forest proper, she watched the darting of the dragonflies as they swarmed and played around the little pond which lay in the glen they had finally arrived at.
As Big Macintosh cast aside his saddlebags on a patch of long grass nearby, his yellow companion trotted to the edge of the water and dipped her hooves in the shallows, savoring the frigidity of the pool and the comfort it gave her aching hooves.
"I come here sometimes when I need to be someplace quiet," Fluttershy mused aloud, feeling the mud and little rocks beneath her hooves as she allowed her limbs some respite. "It lets me unwind and take a breather from working with my animals. I’ve always looked for somewhere away from Ponyville where I could relax, maybe have some tea and play with Angel, but nowhere has ever been as nice as this. I hope you don’t mind if I trespass a little into your farm, Macintosh. I wouldn’t want to make things difficult for you.”
"You’re right, it is quite nice," Big Macintosh remarked to the surrounding trees, nodding his head in appreciation of her hidden glen before unclasping his saddlebags to retrieve their lunch. "I don't get out this far, and I don't even think we own this section of the forest. We might be in the Everfree right now, so don’t you worry about causing a fuss. No reason to apologize."
Giving his head a little flick, the blanket he had extracted from his bags gave an idle whip as the edges lashed out. Then, bowing to the ground, he ushered the blanket softly towards the grass below. It gave a little ruffle as it slowly draped over the blades of grass and the various weeds, hiding them from view beneath a layer of wool.
As Big Macintosh unpacked their picnic and straightened out the edges of their groundcloth, Fluttershy splashed more water on her hooves to clean herself of any lingering sweat and dust from their walk. Then, using a patch of tall grass, she wiped the water and detritus away before drying her hooves on her blanket, allowing herself a few moments to stamp herself a nice seat on the ground near her partner.
Big Macintosh had really outdone himself this time: from his saddlebags came a wicker basket laden with two-bite apple pies, a broad paisley bandana full of apple fritters, a large flask of apple cider, and a smattering of apple slices with small containers of assorted dipping sauces. It was standard fare for him, but compared to all their hikes before it was a veritable feast, especially given how tired she was. Their hike had been enough to wipe them both out, but decorum still dictated that Fluttershy eat first despite their famished state. It was a cordiality which she followed by picking up one of his apple fritters, allowing him to do the same.
They sat for a while, alone in the glen with nothing but the antics of the birds and the various adventures of her woodland friends to entertain them. Fluttershy had known Macintosh was far hungrier than she as he was taking his bites very slowly, watching her mouth to ensure he wasn’t eating too much. Nudging the plate closer to her partner, her smile alleviated any responsibility for the maintenance of their etiquette. It was unnecessary, given the status of their friendship.
“You never did tell me why you named him Angel,” Macintosh commented offhandedly as he scooped some cream with an apple slice and gave a little taste. Finding it palatable, he prepared a few more as she answered his question, watching his face for what she knew would come.
She hoped it wouldn’t be too extreme.
“You wouldn’t believe it if I told you, but I almost set him on fire!”
Just as she predicted, Big Macintosh choked on his apple slice, gagging and coughing to eject the offending fruit from his windpipe as Fluttershy released her first ever belly-laugh at his surprise. She rolled on her back with mirth, laughing to the canopy above as he, with a few thumps on his chest, evacuated his treacherous apple and wrangled himself back to normal. Macintosh fought to control his breathing as he got back to the subject at hoof, his partner brushing her tears of laughter from her eyes.
“How did you... how did you... set him on fire?” Macintosh panted, clearing his throat with some of their apple cider.
“ALMOST set him on fire!” Fluttershy giggled, giving him a little nudge on his shoulder. “Do you really think I’m that sadistic?”
“You almost killed me with an apple slice!” Macintosh exclaimed, returning her little nudge with one of his own. “You waited for me to eat it! I could see it in those tricky little eyes of yours!”
Her smile and his little wink got them both laughing for a few more seconds before Fluttershy poured herself some of his cider.
“It was just before we met in the marketplace last year... you remember, the whole thing with Bramley?”
His nod and slight grimace at the mention of his merchant rival’s name was more than she needed to verify he did indeed remember. Allowing herself a few seconds to savor the beverage he'd prepared for her, she snapped her lips to savor the slight tartness of her cider before continuing.
“Well, I had gotten all my stuff unpacked and unloaded... except for my food of course! It took me the whole day to get everything squared away, and I was making a fire to heat the place up before settling down to get some sleep. My windows weren’t fixed at the time, so it was a little cold. Thank you for fixing them, by the way! I never thanked you for your help...”
“No worries, Fluttershy," the stallion replied offhandedly, gesturing with his hoof for her to continue. "So, what happened next?”
“Okay,” she said with a little mischievous smile, shifting her position to move herself closer as if indulging in some new secret. “I was getting all the kindling ready and was laying down some larger logs. I had everything ready, but as I went down to light my little firestarter I heard a sneeze! Turns out, the smoke from my firestarter was enough to wake him up from his little nap!”
“He’d been living there?” Macintosh started, placing his glass on the ground to give her his full attention. With a quick nod she confirmed his suspicions, her excitement poking through her bright eyes.
“He had! The poor thing was all snuggled up in the ashes! He might have been warmer there, I couldn't tell. Needless to say, I panicked and dug him out before he got burned. I got myself a little singed in the process, but it’s no big deal!”
The look of concern which had lined his face died out with her reassurances, and as both slid back into their comfort zones Fluttershy allowed herself another apple slice with caramel sauce before continuing with her story.
“I got him all cleaned up and you couldn't imagine just how dirty he was! I had to make at least three baths for him before the bathwater was clear enough to see through. He put up quite a fight too. He’s always been that feisty...”
Looking up from her hooves where she imagined her bunny had been all that time ago, she found him awaiting her next words with an attentive ear.
He was also far closer to her than she remembered him being but a few moments before.
With a few breaths to calm herself down, she gave another glance at the dwindling space between them before continuing, glancing from her hooves to the gap between them and back.
“He... umm... well, he was really dirty, so I... umm...”
“Hey, no need to be nervous. Keep going! You were doing pretty well there!”
With a light application of pressure, Fluttershy found that his hoof had drifted to gently stroke her shoulder, his hoof unbearably warm as it played with her hair and her yellow coat to bid her continue. She lingered there for a few moments, lost in that warmth before finding her courage from where she’d dropped it somewhere near her belly.
“So... umm, he was really dirty... and I, well... I finally got him all nice and clean. He was wet, so I let him curl up by the fire to sleep it off and get himself all dried out. He took a few of my blankets, but I didn’t mind as long as he was cozy. He looked like such a little angel when he slept, even if he had been grouchy while I was cleaning him. I woke up the next morning and found him sleeping right here, right along my neck!”
She stroked her hoof along the base of her neck and gave a little smile, lost in that fleeting memory of her newest friend and first pet.
“Needless to say I couldn’t just leave him alone, with him being a baby and all. I took care of him... and then, eventually, he started taking care of me! And that’s how Angel got his name! It’s a little cheesy, I know...”
“No no no,” Macintosh chuckled, shaking his head as her gave her shoulder another stroke. “It’s not cheesy at all, and now I finally understand it! I always wondered how a rabbit as... uhh... well, he’s a little... how do I say it..."
"Go on, you can say it," Fluttershy stated simply, rolling her eyes. "He's a little grump, isn't he?"
Gazing to the forest canopy and the sunshine above, Macintosh thought for a few moments before shrugging his shoulders, looking down at the mare by his side before allowing his voice to rumble out his trademark "eeyup!"
His warm smile was enough to get her to giggle, and soon she found him joining in her laughter. He wasn't even afraid to laugh a little louder than normal as they shared in their happiness, content in the others' presence and the glory of the day.
Content... was this contentment? Was this the elusive happiness she had always dreamed of finding? It wasn’t nearly as scary as she had thought it would be attain, and all it had taken her now was a smile and some laughter with her companion. Was that all it had ever required?
Had she been panicking her entire life for something as simple, as warm, and as fulfilling as what she had just now found? Had all the reservations she had placed on her own life been shielding her from these wonderful feelings of joy and courage? Had she always been this lively, or was it his presence that brought out that side of her?
Had his hoof been on her shoulder this entire time?
As Macintosh followed the movements of an inquisitive dragonfly which darted and buzzed between them, he didn't notice when Fluttershy stared at his hoof and gazed at what profound novelty the limb possessed. How something as heavy and as scarred as his hoof was could ever be as gentle as it was now was a mystery to her, but there was one thing to which there remained no sliver of a doubt:
Fluttershy wanted to feel it there forever.
It didn't matter that the limb was scarred and beaten, torn and repaired so many times that the course of his entire life could almost be recorded in the miniscule lines of damaged skin which traced his hoof and became lost in his fetlocks. It was mesmerizing to know that something so beaten could be so soft, that something so hard and strong could ever be as gentle as it was now. Those scars couldn't even be felt as he offhandedly stroked her shoulder, the roughness of his skin in such stark contrast with the smoothness of hers.
What had he done in all his long years to earn such marks? Had it solely been his work on the farm, his encounter with the foxes in her coop, and those tangible things which he had suffered to be where he was now? Those physical reminders of his past were worn proudly on his flesh so that all would know his life, so that she could revel in it as others had. He didn't hide them away like she did.
But didn't she have scars too?
Didn't she have wounds that had healed over the course of time to make her stronger? The taunts about her inability to fly and her memories of her crippling shyness and timidity... hadn't those been smoothed over by the actions of her new friends, by Macintosh and his confidence? No one could see those scars but her, and she suffered every day as a result.
But Macintosh, he understood! He knew those wounds still laced her heart and drove her to her safest of places like the one she shared with him now! He saw and understood her limitations, incorporating them into his own worries and discomforts. He made the effort to understand her and not just know her, listening to her worries instead of just hearing them. He knew her history as she did his, and not only had he disregarded her failings for the things which she had no control over, but he had celebrated in her successes and taught her which things to cherish and remember above all others.
Big Macintosh must have been just like her, just as timid and shy despite his scars and apparent strength, despite his rugged exterior and his laconic facade. He bore the weight of his world on his skin, allowing his armor to take the brunt of his worries to keep his heart intact. She had abandoned hers entirely, and for what? To become a pushover? To become weak and helpless?
That had never been her desire, but in the actions of her youth she had slowly begun to avoid donning that weight to accept that responsibility. She had given up, and in the process she had left herself exposed as ponies created her image for her, dictated what she would become with their interpretations of her strength. She had no say for she couldn't find her voice, and now her life was not her own but was instead what other ponies expected it to be.
He created his own image, his strength and his love for his family establishing his credentials in the absence of speech or interaction. He had created his power from his dedication to those things he loved, and that was what he was known for. His actions defined who he became, and in the end it was something so genuine and pure that all who knew him adored him, trusted him... loved him.
And with his hoof, he had offered her his own strength. With his hoof, he had given her his confidence, his resolve, and his ability to shrug off the criticisms of others. He had given her the strength to love the mare she knew herself to be, and had given her the confidence to be that mare for herself.
If he could do that... if he could face the world and still feel as strongly as he did with nothing but his own confidence in himself:
Then why couldn't she do the same?
In utter silence and without his permission, Fluttershy did something then which not only sent shivers of terror and unbearable excitement down her spine, but pulled her crimson companion from his distractions to face the reality of her actions.
Looking from the pond, Macintosh found his hoof resting on the wool of the blanket on which he sat, the rough and irritating edges of the fabric far different from the supple yellow skin which he had slowly become lost in. The place on her shoulder where he had stroked offhandedly but seconds prior was no longer weighed down. The limb had been returned to him.
And with his hoof came her own.
Fluttershy stared silently at the space between her companion's shoulders, avoiding his gaze not through necessity or worry, but in utter shock as she held his hoof clasped between hers. Though his hoof tensed as it always had, he hadn't pulled away like she thought he would! He didn't say a word or make any sounds of discomfort or disapproval! He remained when she had expected him to recoil! He smiled when she thought he would chide her for her actions!
She had done it! She had finally done it! Those weeks spent waiting for him to act, those months spent slowly willing herself to take a stand: they had all led to this brief second!
This wonderful infinity!
Gazing in awe at what wonder she held in her hooves, she finally raised what courage she had to lift her head and smile at her companion.
Big Macintosh gazed back, his mouth agape as he looked from hoof, to smile, and back before blinking a few times, his mouth still open. Then, without a word, the hoof Fluttershy held clasped in her own gave in completely as he allowed her to play with his limb. Fluttershy continued to feel and explore, weigh and stroke, examine and touch that wonderful hoof she had so longed to hold. She compared their hoofprints, rolling his hoof in her own as if it were the most tender thing in the world despite the apple-bucking scars and the remained gashes exacted by a vengeful vixen all those months ago.
The two remained, side by side, together in joyous elation in their own hidden world. Big Macintosh beamed and remained utterly silent, watching as Fluttershy allowed herself to live and feel as she had never been allowed before...
...lost just as much as she was in their contact.
~~~~~
Fluttershy opened her eyes to find her time had come. The world had faded in her reverie and the sun had lost so much of its strength that now it relied on the tip of the furthest peak to remain upright. It was her marker, and though she loathed to relinquish her hold on that wonderful first moment when she had finally made her feelings known, she knew the one which awaited her was even warmer. It had been even more tense, so excruciatingly exciting, and infinitely more wonderful than she could ever have believed it would be.
Wrapping her blanket closer, Fluttershy looked out once more as the wind rising from the cooling earth sent shimmering waves of dancing light in ripples across the interminable grassland. The edges of even the most faraway weeds and grasses all swept together in a long, rolling dance which caught the dying light and allowed it one last glorious moment of revelry before dying away.
And thus it would be with her.
Her final memory was soft and warm much unlike her present environment, but the sight she had seen right here on this very mountaintop, and the sensation following, was deserving of the sun's final glorious moments. That effortless smile of their brighter days returned as her glorious celestial partner released what beauty it had reserved and relinquished its hold on that faraway peak to descend into darkness.
It had been but a single day...
~~~~~
The banks were empty, devoid of life or activity. The ripples of water-striders in the little pond by which he stood was the only movement besides the beating of his own breast as he panted and heaved, struggling to catch his breath. The setting sun broke through the trees and cast its shadows on the verdant glade, illuminating no yellow coat or voluminous pink hair.
She was gone.
Sitting himself down with a pained cry, he found no respite from the deferred terrors he had run from. Those images of her wonderful face had beckoned and haunted him as he ran both to his love and from the horrible promises of her letter. Now, when his limbs had come to a halt: they had finally caught up to him.
Her safe place contained none of her beauty. The air wasn't graced by the sound of her voice or her whistlings as she chatted with the songbirds locked away in their nests.
She wasn't here.
She wasn't in the place she said she'd be, in the favorite place she had alluded to in her parting letter. There was nothing here by the tepid waters but the few pesky dragonflies which buzzed around him trying to suck the sweat from his brow. The only sounds which broke through the silence came from the various hoots and calls of the forest as the nocturnal beings arose from their diurnal slumber, broken only by the lingering flaps of the butterflies as they evacuated the waterside, hiding from the light to make their ways to their safe places.
Their favorites places.
Macintosh's eyes picked out one butterfly in particular, one which circled him and delicately flapped its way to rest on his hoof as if he and he alone would save it from what terrors came with the night's arrival. That insect's utter trust in him was something so novel that he couldn't help but watch in awe. It was almost as if he was not himself, but that yellow mare whom both souls loved and depended on. He watched as the butterfly paraded on his limb, seating itself upon his hoof, silent and still, not moving as the others had.
Still here, despite what event Macintosh had shown his love on the uppermost peak of a local mountain.
With a flash of understanding, her words forever inscribed on that parchment came to light and he found himself understanding everything.
Fluttershy had cast off her shell on that mountain. She had thrown everything aside for the first time to take what she wanted and he, in his surprise, obliged her her desires. She had transformed before his very eyes to become so wonderful and dazzling that not even the passing of time or the fading light of his memories could diminish the glory of her metamorphosis. She could only have loved that place as much as he did, for she had become her true self on that summit.
Big Macintosh slowly began to realize that she now, due to his actions, had two favorite places.
And with the crushing weight of terror and a quick glance to the mountain which overshadowed the glen in which he sat:
Over the course of the day the two ponies had played and talked, shared and teased with one another as they enjoyed a lunch on a rocky field. They had basked in the presence of the one by their side throughout their lazy trek on the glorious day he'd chosen, both of them admiring the grand sprawling landscape of the alpine heights. The mountain Macintosh had picked—though not very steep—spread out like a wide green canvas, dotted in places by smaller hills which protruded from the underlying mountain as if pushed by the fingers of the earth below. The two companions walked along the winding trail which lazily followed the course of the mountain, the switchbacks gradually leading the two to its pinnacle which lay just ahead.
Fluttershy owed it to her companion not to fly ahead and give into the temptation of what lay over the next hill. Despite those little shreds of anxiety, she had become more and more restless and excited as he, with every corner, made an effort to shield her from what he had so carefully arranged for her. Big Macintosh had never alerted her as to the reasoning for their excursion, but she didn't mind: his intention was secondary to him just being nearby, and his presence afforded her some context to be able to soak in the changes of the past few weeks.
So much had happened in so little a time that it was hard to believe Macintosh was the same stallion she had met all that time ago. Had she just not seen what he was capable of before her moment in the cottage? Had he always been as understanding and kind as he had been during their picnic in her hidden glen? The time they had spent together following their picnic in that isolated spot far below seemed like a blur, but every second and every wonderful day locked itself away in the growing collections of laughter and life for both quiet souls.
Fluttershy couldn't help but grin as she trotted alongside her companion, reveling in the heat of the midday sun and the constant reminders of Macintosh's presence at her side. He had always been at her side, there to shield her from her troubles and provide her some courage to make her life as beautiful as she could! In hindsight, it had been so easy to take a stand and display her feelings that she wondered why she hadn't done so in the first place! How easy it had been, now that she could look back and finally understand where her hesitations and fears had arisen to hide her from the world! How relieved she now felt without that weight holding her down!
She had required her Macintosh to break that boundary and provide a firm foundation, a safe haven for her to spread her wings. He had needed his Fluttershy to allow himself a conduit and a safe place to express his feelings when his nature and his profession required him to do otherwise. She had needed the confidence, and he had needed the acceptance. Each fit into the spaces of the other's heart so perfectly that now, as they reveled in the glory of circumstance, they didn't even feel the need to burden the air with idle talk and wasted words.
As they walked together towards the panoramic viewpoint at the summit of the mountain, Fluttershy started slightly when Macintosh came to a halt at the very base of the last remaining hill. Turning her head, she found him dropping his saddlebags, rummaging through them as if he had forgotten something.
"Macintosh," she mumbled, taking a few steps forward. "Is there something wrong? You didn't lose anything down the mountain, did you?"
Big Macintosh gave a little shake of his head, looking up to his companion before resuming his search.
"I just need to find something. It shouldn't take me long..."
"What exactly do you need?" she pondered aloud.
"Nothing special, Fluttershy... just this!"
With a little tug, Macintosh extricated a red bandana tucked away below what remained of their lunch, giving the cloth a little pull to free it from his bag. Then, with a little nod, he swirled his hoof in a circular motion.
"Go ahead and turn around, Fluttershy. I have something I want to show you, but I need you blindfolded first."
Her tension took hold for a moment, but her trust in her partner and his kind eyes alerted her to the fact there was nothing to fear. Timid though Fluttershy was, she allowed Big Macintosh free reign to tie his bandana around her eyes, pulling the cloth down to ensure she couldn't see below the fold. With a little tug the cloth was firmly in place, and with a light stroke of her shoulder he reassured her of his presence, accompanying his touch with some soft words.
"Alright, now just listen to my voice, okay? I will be right next to you. Nothing's going to go wrong, I promise!"
"Are you sure?" Fluttershy squeaked, taking a few probing steps forward, feeling the ground for rocks or possible holes before allowing herself to move forward but a foot. With a grin Macintosh sidled up close to his pegasus partner, leading her onwards with a little nudge.
"I promise, Fluttershy. I will be right here the whole time."
Though her smile hid away beneath those folds of hair and the presence of his bandana, he knew it was there. Her head only raised as high and as confident as it was now when there was nothing she felt could ever harm her, and those moments had always been accompanied by one of her demure little smiles. It had always been that way, as long as he had been around to see it. His suspicions and hopes were verified when she, with a few tentative steps, began to climb the hill. Macintosh remained by her side, just as he promised, as she stumbled in the darkness towards whatever he'd dreamed up for the two of them.
Though the hill she climbed was not too high, the length and constant gradient was far more taxing than she'd expected. Those fears and hesitations she'd long tackled were infinitely more frightening now that his bandana prevented her from spotting what possible dangers there might be. But with every shared hoofstep those thoughts receded, and with every one of his labored breaths as he tackled the hill by her side, those lingering fears for her safety died away.
Fluttershy could feel the ground beneath her level out, and with a few more steps she found it completely even. Knowing she'd reached their destination, her eyes begged for the light and pleaded to be released. It was a plea which she almost gave into before his hoof stopped hers from removing the cloth.
"No no, Fluttershy: it's not time yet," he drawled, motioning her hoof back downwards.
"Time for what?" Fluttershy whispered, cocking her head as she stared at that point where his voice had come trickling through the darkness. "What's going on? What are you planning, Macintosh?"
"Nothing special," he muttered, the sound of his voice moving until it came from right behind her. "Just something I thought you should see. It's a little known event I thought you might like, and I wanted to be the one to show you."
"Sounds mysterious," Fluttershy whispered, turning her head to address her partner. "Why would I like it? Or at least, why me in particular?"
"Knowing you, I think you'll find it quite fascinating."
"Oh, so you think you know me know, hmm?"
Finding his stomach with a probing hoof, she gave her companion a playful poke.
"I'd like to think so," Macintosh chuckled calmly as he grabbed her hoof in his. With a little squeak she found herself pulled close to his chest, her back firmly pressed to his beating heart.
Though her headwear denied her her sight, there was little else she needed to know that all her hesitations and her worries about what was to come were in vain. With every reassuring beat, his heart reminded her that there was little to fear, little that could ever come between them as long as he remained to protect her. His presence at her back, his hooves around her waist, his head over her shoulder to become lost in her mane... they were all she could ever need, all she could ever have wanted.
There was nothing more infinite in the darkness than the sensation of his hooves in hers. There was nothing more calm and secure than the memories which she conjured from the recesses of her mind. What courage she had in this moment she had gained through his presence and her daydreams as those times they'd spent together danced and flickered in her vision's present emptiness.
His whisper into her hair was all she needed to make herself ready, and the sensation as he held her close shook off what organic rhythm she'd tried to emulate as her heart soared.
“Are you ready?”
With a little nod Fluttershy prepared herself for what was to come, holding his hooves closer to her hips as she gave her consent.
“Always.”
Then, with a slight ruffling of her hair, his teeth pulled the loose ends of the bandana and lowered the blind. Slowly the bandana fell, catching on her nose before falling down entirely to flutter to the ground, pulled away slightly by the wind.
As her companion held her close, Fluttershy opened her eyes to find herself looking upon a grand vista, a vast and unending plain draped in places by the lingering shadows of the clouds above. As far as she could see there was only sunlight glimmering off the edges of the long grasses as the rolling wind flickered and toyed with the ends. The wind sent spiraling down from the mountains beyond sent long and twisting waves of light on the few places the sunlight couldn’t reach. The river below—an iridescent blue of a marvelous hue—meandered and lazily snaked its way to the far horizon, joining its brothers who trickled slowly from the mountains beyond to embark together on their voyage to the sea.
But despite the vast beauty of the scene it was nothing compared to what lingered in the air so far away, a vast and breathtaking object so massive in scale and so alive in activity that not even Macintosh’s enveloping hooves could have prevented her from leaning forward in amazement.
There, in the middle of the vast grassland, was a massive cloud of blue, pink, yellow, green, and so many other marvelous colors which twisted and waved in a globular mass of flying activity. The cloud itself buzzed with life, and never at any point were the colors separated or segregated apart into their varying hues. The entire mass flowed and moved as one, its tendrils of color swirling, intermingling, and breaking their delineated boundaries so effortlessly. It was almost as if it were alive!
But if it was alive, what could it have been?
“Macintosh,” Fluttershy whispered apprehensively. “What exactly is that?”
“What, you don’t know?” he chuckled, turning his head to watch her own. “I thought you would have been an expert in the matter!”
“I don’t know! What is that thing?”
“Want a hint?” Macintosh murmured, smiling in recognition of her excitement hidden beneath her usual layer of anxiety. With a little nod her face turned to meet his, and with a little gesture over his shoulder he gave his reply.
“Take a look.”
Macintosh swung them both around to face the rolling hills from whence they'd come. Nothing moved or made its presence known, and the more she watched the less she began to believe in his foreknowledge. She squinted her eyes to pick up on anything, any sign of movement... but nothing came.
At least, not right away.
With a tiny flicker of motion a slow wave of color grew in size at either side of the base of a faraway hill. The lingering cloud played with the edges before amalgamating with the mass which had slowly tumbled down from the crest of the hill to meet the others. Then, aided by the rising wind, the cloud began to move towards them, tickling the base of their hill before rushing towards the two of them.
“Macintosh, what is that!?” Fluttershy muttered, her hooves scrambling away from the wave though she remained within Macintosh's arms. With a frightened squeal she closed her eyes, shielding her face from the advancing cloud by burrowing it into the chest of her companion. Macintosh, with a little smile, gave the mare wrapped in his arms a light chuckle and a stroke of her mane to calm her down. His fur was enough to hide her from the advancing wave, but as she counted the seconds until the inevitable arrival of the foreign mass... nothing came.
Nothing but the steady breathing of her partner and the buzzing of the wind.
The tickling of the wind on the ends of her hair urged her eyes to open, but no noxious gas or violent storm of color arose between herself and her companion to split them apart. There was no sound but the accumulated buzzing of a light intensity, and nothing moving save her companion’s heartbeat as it remained calm. The steady breathing of his chest and his heart beating almost imperceptibly through his flesh served as her markers that nothing would come to take him away. He remained... and if he was there, what was there to fear?
With a deep breath in and a deep breath out, Fluttershy willed herself look away from the safety of her crimson shield.
And as she did, her world slowed and froze completely in one single moment, one tiny lifetime in which she was all alone.
Alone, but alive!
Those sounds, that massive cloud: they were wings!
Millions of wings!
Millions of butterflies!
Those fluttering bodies sang and played, whipping the air into a miniature tempest which swirled and whorled them away to sail on the waves of air they themselves created. The entire mass whisked itself into the wild stretching grassland as the two of them became lost in the cloud, those little colorful bodies dancing in the spaces between them.
What began as a lingering tendril below a faraway hill became a mass of color so thick and active that even what majesty that previous cloud had had could never compare! So high and vast her world had become! What life now sang and played all around her, seemingly drawn from every corner of the world just for her!
The two ponies held on to one another to weather the storm of life, lost in that unending cloud which surged and broke all around them. The entire mass twisted and contorted to form its own separate space in which to play, shielding them from the sunlight in a grand compartment of color. For a few minutes there was nothing save the two of them, both watching with their jaws agape as a brand new environment of flapping color and life formed and took shape around them. They remained, alone in a new world.
Together as one.
Relinquishing his hold on his companion, Macintosh did what he could to keep his heart contained and docile as he let his partner free. Every fiber of Fluttershy’s reserve and every possible iteration of her imagination broke free from the sultry bonds of earth as he watched her embark on her solitary voyage into their new surroundings. With a few hoofsteps forward Fluttershy opened her wings to catch the air, rising on the thermals and hidden updrafts to tumble in the wind alongside her friends. She spun as she had never done before as her glorious wings, freed from the prison of her fears, stretched to their limits to pull her away.
Gaining in altitude, she broke through the nearest wave of life and emerged into a vast pocket of empty air, gazing in awe at what wonders moved in unison towards the prairie. She was blissfully alone as an explosion of color and sound rippled around her. She was the core of a vast empty planet of color, the nucleus of a grand corona of flapping wings!
Lost in the cloud as her companion remained earthbound, Fluttershy’s world melted away as she became but a single soul among millions, another heart in an eternal collection of unified life! She was at the heart of life, everything around her sharing in her exaltations, every one of them cast on some great adventure with a singular motive, a shared ambition!
Her hair surged as the nearest insects dove and played around her frame, her laughter and tears of joy doing nothing to distract them. They buzzed and gave themselves up as they burrowed into her hair, lapped the tears from her cheeks, and gave her all the attention they could give. When they could hold no more of that life she emitted they relinquished their holds on her flesh to be whisked away, surrendering their places on her body to those companions who awaited the glory of her presence.
Her flapping wings did nothing to discourage the veritable horde from moving towards her. They could never have stemmed them for long, and slowly but surely she lost track of where she was and what she was doing. She lost sight of how she had ever felt so alone or lost before this single moment, before this wonderful day in which she wasn’t alone nor could ever be alone again!
Her wings, utterly glorious as what lifelong locks she’d placed on them disintegrated, willed herself downwards as those butterflies continued their caress. They wrapped themselves around her breast and mane in a cocoon of color as she slowly but surely relinquished her hold on the world she had been given to revisit the one into which she had been born. Though the ground beneath her was hard and unyielding, the cushion of life and sensation which had spirited her away hid her from those harsh and unyielding doubts. The softness of the butterflies' embrace and the soft warmth of the gentle world was almost as comforting as those truths and revelations which came with the butterflies' arrival.
What life there was still to be had! What joy there was still to discover! What things there were to find, and to be, and to do! Her self-deprecating sequestration had been such a childish thing, such an immature and unreasoned excuse to avoid what joy there was still left in her world! How could she have ever run, when there was this much glory, beauty, and utterly incapacitating happiness hidden away for her to find?! How could she have ever dreamed her life had no meaning when now, wrapped in the embraces and kisses of her heart's most blessed creatures: there was nothing she couldn’t do, nothing she couldn’t believe herself capable of achieving?
How could she have been so lost before but now, in this single moment: found? How could she ever have been so alone but now, locked in the embraces of those tiny souls: together?
How had that mare within her breast been discovered? How could that part of her have hidden away for so long, and just now... now that she was bursting with life and love: make its presence known?
Was this Fluttershy? Was this who she was meant to be?
As if in response to her query the nearest wave of butterflies slowly faded as a large, crimson mass made its way slowly towards her. Lost though she was in the nebulous mass of wings, her heart tapped an ever-quickening beat as the hoofsteps came closer, each of them a reminder of the presence of the world when every other sense convinced her of this otherworldly dream's validity. With another hoofstep Big Macintosh broke through the nearest wave, his proud head high as he gazed in awe at what little world Fluttershy had made for herself, what little universe she was the very center of.
Seating himself down but a foot from her, he gazed upon the world she had created before giving her a little grin.
“I thought you might enjoy this,” he whispered, prodding a few of the more pesky butterflies from around her bangs. With a tender smile he brushed them aside to give himself a better view of those pools of ocean-blue he’d become so familiar with, those little endless eyes in which held all the mysteries of their world. She couldn’t move or breath, so enraptured was she in their shared presence that nothing but the warmth of his hoof as it stroked her face could bring her around again.
“This,” Fluttershy muttered, her eyes still whisking around to view her surroundings. “This is... I don’t... I don’t know what to say! How have I never... how did you know?”
“I went to the library,” he whispered with a shrug. “I found a new book about butterflies, thought of you, and then I decided to surprise you! Turns out, all I needed was right there.”
“You... you went to the library?”
“Strange, ain’t it?” he chuckled, giving her cheek a little stroke. “Never go in there unless I absolutely need to. I won’t lie, not having a real education put me off books in general... but when a guy gets an idea nothing can stop him!”
Affording themselves a few more moments to admire the vast space of swirling color they shared, Macintosh gave a little nudge to remind her of his presence, pulling her cheek to face him.
“You do like it, don’t you?”
“Of course I do, Macintosh!” Fluttershy exclaimed, pulling herself closer to her companion. “How could I not?! This is everything I’ve ever dreamed it could be! I... I can’t even begin to describe it! I don’t know how I can thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me,” Macintosh whispered as he rested his forehead on hers, the two of them lost for a brief moment in the other’s embrace. “You’ve never needed to thank me."
"But I do! I always have! This is just... I would never have dreamed I could be here, seeing this, feeling this light! I don't... I don't feel like myself! I feel... more! You made that happen, Macintosh! You did that!"
"Oh no I didn't," he retorted, adjusting his position on her brow. "You did that all on your own, I just got the honor of watching it happen."
"But you... but you brought me here! You showed me this! I wouldn't have felt this way if you hadn't!"
"Maybe," he muttered, pulling her chin up with a free hoof. "But wasn't it you who took off? Wasn't it you who flew, not me? You let go of me, Fluttershy... you looked around, you spread your wings, you did everything! I have little to do with how you feel now, that's all you."
His words rang with truths, and the more she thought about what he'd said the more she found that he was right.
Wondrous though his proximity was, it had been she who had given herself the courage to break free from the comfort of his embrace to step into the unknown. It had been she who had watched him fade slowly from view as she tumbled and danced on the wind, her wings far more powerful than they had ever been. It had been her.
It had always been her.
It had been she who had found the courage to face down the dragon all that time ago. It had been she who had broken the law and put her safety on the line to take care of a sickly phoenix. It had been she who had turned the tide to bring water to the weather factory, her wingbeats tipping the scales in their favor.
It had been Fluttershy, but was it the same mare that she was now?
Had that Fluttershy ever been as brave, now that she had a safe haven and a new love to bring it to life? Had that Fluttershy had the stallion who now stroked her cheek as her anchor to weather life's storms? Had she ever felt a love like this?
Had she ever loved at all?
With a shake of her head, she took his words and dashed them on the earth below, raising her head of her own accord without the warmth of his hoof to guide it.
"No, Macintosh. This isn't just me: this is the me that you helped shape, the me that you reformed! I am not, and could never be, the same mare I was back then! I couldn't feel the way I do now without you!"
Casting her hoof over herself and the butterflies which remained on her skin and mane, she gave him a little smile, stamping her hoof to add power to her words.
"Everything I am I owe in some small way to you! Everything I want to be, I want to be because of you! You gave me my life back when I thought I lost it! You made me whole when everyone told me I was broken! You mean more to me than you know, Macintosh. Hopefully you don't forget that..."
Her voice rang with a power she found herself basking in, drawing what courage she needed from the sound of her voice alone as Macintosh responded with a little grin.
"I won't," he began, moving a little closer. "As long as you stay around to remind me."
What space there was between them slowly dwindled as both drew closer, their hesitations holding them tightly bound to the ground when, with every prolonged second, their wills demanded they rush together. With every inch what shyness and petrifying bashfulness they had left pulled itself from their hooves and met the earth, leaving the two unweighted and unafraid. Finally stopping just apart from one another, Fluttershy afforded her companion another broad smile as she drew what affirmation she'd longed to utter from her heart, those little words she had played with for so long as she waited for her chance to let them go.
She would have succeeded, had she not been distracted.
With a quick dash of color and a tickling sensation one of her butterflies alighted on her nose, flapping its wings to keep its balance as she scrunched her face to remove it. Doing nothing but forcing a smile on her partner's face as her eyes crossed, Fluttershy gingerly brushed the insect from her nose, allowing it to rest on her hoof before moving forward and placing it on Big Macintosh's shoulder. It fluttered there for a moment, the sole insect on his great frame, separated from its brothers though unafraid of the distance.
"There," Fluttershy whispered, watching the insect flap its wings. "Now you have one too!"
His eyes flickered away for the briefest of moments, lost in what beauty she had placed upon his shoulder. Fluttershy watched as he examined her gift, both of them lost in the intricacies of that miniscule soul.
But then, as the seconds grew and his face returned to meet her own, she found no smile upon his face to mirror hers, no brave stance to complement her own. He looked hollow... terrified... not like the Macintosh she had ever seen before, and very unlike how she felt now.
He looked as if terror had gripped his otherwise stalwart heart, pulling him away back down the mountain while his husk remained. There was no movement behind his face as she watched him stare at some imaginary point near her heart, devoid of the will to move. He was motionless, empty...
...Lost, perhaps, in what intricate meaning clung to the words he uttered next, those little sounds which were nearly cast away on the wind to become lost forever:
"I already have one."
His proclamation remained almost unheard, but to the one pony for whom it was intended the words were loud and clear. They remained, despite the dying hum as the wind carried their flapping bounty to join her little world with its brother so far away. Those tiny words reached their destination, despite the stillness of the stallion before her and his crippling petrification.
At first it made no sense. He had none! Those insects which had so firmly planted themselves on her had never at any point done the same for him! Some lingered, but most had already fluttered away to join their companions and what grand exodus they had in store, and those that had stayed behind rested solely on her.
All save the one on his shoulder, one which lazily steadied itself on his broad frame, fighting the wind, resisting the urge to take off.
It remained still, fighting to stay with him when everything told it to run. The world begged that little insect to hide away and look for some safe harbor from the wind, to join its companions as they hid away in the folds of her hair.
Her hair...
Her.
Hadn’t she felt the same once? Hadn’t she looked to him for guidance and protection, some indication of expectation and approval? Hadn’t she been that dependent on her friends, hiding away from the world in the fear that those ponies she wanted to know would look upon her and not like what they see? Hadn't she once required herself to hide away to protect her fragile heart instead of basking in the sun as that little insect did?
Were those things now finally in the past?
Watching as that solitary insect allowed itself to catch the air and rise from his shoulder, Fluttershy followed its progress as, with a great leap and courageous flap, that tiny being cast itself over the edge of the cliff. It relied on nothing but its wings to keep it aloft towards whatever future it had in store. That little butterfly, having absorbed Macintosh's courage, allowed itself to soar, unafraid of the height at which it flew or the destination of which it had no knowledge. All it had was all the hope in the world.
It was calm, confident, and self-reliant. It abandoned the collected mass and comfort of its brothers to make its own way ahead, to forge its own path. It relied on nothing save its own courage as it hovered on the brink of disaster, carried aloft by nothing but its own power.
It wasn’t timid or shy, now that it had taken in everything Macintosh had to offer.
It was strong.
It was confident.
It was brave.
It was her.
And with a brief flash of understanding, his words had meaning. They had purpose and intention, a full weight of emotional subtext which, until she had watched that little soul fly away, had almost been lost. Turning to face her companion she found that courage again, that resolve and confidence which had, ever so briefly, been stolen away from him. It had reappeared in the twinkling of an eye and a little smile as he watched her ponder, watch... and then understand. His smile had grown as he watched that insect fly away, just like he had when he'd watched her soar.
This was why he had brought her here.
This was why he had surprised her, hiding from her the full meaning of their trip.
All their treks and excursions, all their plans and machinations, had been leading to this moment! She knew it! She could feel it!
With every one of his nudges, she had taken a little more initiative in advancing her own life. With every stroke of her cheek, he had given her a little more warmth and courage to fight for her right to be. With every trek and outing, their companionship and trust in each other grew.
And now, when they had finally traded places:
Fluttershy knew.
It was a flash of cognizance which was given new life as Fluttershy, with a beat of her wings and a rushing pounce, seized her chance.
Pulling his face towards her own, that same rush of paralyzing fear she’d burdened her life with on their very first day finally relinquished its grasp as she curled her hooves around his neck, Macintosh’s eyes wide with shock even though she would never see them:
So enraptured was she in her kiss that, just as it had when they first met, the world melted away entirely.
That terrifying abyss he'd placed about her eyes but minutes before returned of her own accord, made warm by his gasp of surprise and his strong reciprocation. That strength they'd shared gave itself new life and fresh purpose as she held on for dear life, pulling him closer to the heart he'd earned from her. What senses she had swirled and formed together to feed all of her attention into their lips' embrace, memorizing what glorious and foreign novelties came with it.
A few moments of intimate contact, just a few priceless seconds lost in the warmth and sensation of his touch and the terrifying wonder of their embrace.
That was enough for her to realize what she was doing, enough to shock her out of her infinite reverie and cause her to scramble backwards to face what she had done.
“Oh my goodness!” she cried, hiding her face in her hooves as her wings uncontrollably pulsed with life, driven to new lengths in her excitement. “Oh my goodness! I am so, so sorry! I don’t know, It was just... you said that I was your... oh my goodness! Please forgive me, I didn’t mean—”
She never finished her words.
How could she, when his lips were in the way?
Her eyes lit up for the briefest of moments as her companion, in the space of a second, pulled her from her position and returned her gesture with one of his own, just as strong, just as tender.
But this time: there were no fears, no hesitations, no need for either pony to apologize for their expressions of love and intimacy. There would be no need to hide themselves from each other now that they had seen the other behind their timid veils and had reached out to finally come together.
The last remaining slivers of fear, anxiety, and timidity were cast aside as the two remained on the mountaintop, their arms and hearts sealed together as they explored and delved deep into the other’s hopes and aspirations made manifest in their physical touch. Fluttershy’s wings wrapped around the both of them to hide their kiss from the world, to keep it contained behind a mass of feathers to prevent its escape and its loss to the wind.
Keeping it there for the two of them to share.
~~~~~
Keeping it right here, right where she sat now.
Fluttershy could almost feel it lingering, holding onto this single space that they had shared as if, in its construction, their kiss had sealed itself to this one place in space to remain unfettered by time. It was almost as if these blades of grass that she stroked now had remembered her presence and adjusted themselves to her touch.
They remembered as she did.
The sun’s uppermost edge had finally breached the tops of the mountains on the faraway horizon, hiding itself away almost in embarrassment at what she had brought back to life. If even the sun could blush, than what more could her memories have accomplished? How much more time could she waste to pour her heart and soul into wishing those moments could reform, just in the mad hope that they... that he... might return?
She had a little more time, just a few more moments to spare. There would be enough time to hope as she prepared herself to keep her promise. Even if he never came, her memories would bring him new life.
He would always be near, if only in her heart.
Breaking her hold on her final memory, Fluttershy allowed herself one last glance at the dying sun before beginning her preparations, giving the space where they had given themselves up a final ruffle as the grass raised itself up from where her weight had matted it down.
Her very first kiss had been right here.
And here, on the mountain, it would remain.
~~~~~
His progress up the mountain had been slow at first, but with every powerful bound and every struggling leap for purchase Big Macintosh ascended the hill, breaking through the switchbacks as he propelled himself through brush and field alike. His hindlegs, powerful though they were, were growing strained, tired, and rebellious.
They couldn't fail him now, now that he was so close! Their strength couldn't leave him, now that that faraway hill on which they'd come alive was finally in view!
She couldn't leave him now when everything she believed was insubstantial, cast into despair on the coattails of an innocent mistake! It would all be for naught if he stopped for a single moment.
His love would be lost if he failed. That was something he would never allow himself to do.
And thus, with a growl of pain, he reaffirmed himself to conquering the mountain. His progress only quickened as he crested the hill and gazed on the faraway protrusion which held his prize.
The sun was about to set, its uppermost edge almost completely hidden away.
Alone on the mountain, Fluttershy breathed deep the cool twilight air and allowed her weary body some rest, stretching her limbs and hooves to work out the various knots and tangles her stint upon the summit of the world had created. The ends of the grass yielded themselves to her touch one last time, and as she gave them a playful ruffle she rose from the ground and shrugged off her blanket. As the blanket fell along her backside with a warm brush, the rushing cold made its presence known and whipped her hair from her eyes, permitting her one last glance over the valley. With a few steps forward and a warm grin, Fluttershy took special care not to lose her balance as she advanced on the cliff. Her smile grew ever-wider as the vista pushed everything else aside to make itself the sole locus of attention, the one most beautiful sight she would see.
What light had once reigned over the world had died away slowly under the influence of time and the sun’s slow parade through the heavens, and nothing but the sun's few stubborn beams which sliced through the air illuminated what remained in splashes of august light. Those same clouds which had once been tamed by the intrepid pegasi so far away roamed free as their shepherds laid down to rest, and those same birds which had once been so joyous and alive succumbed to their exhaustion, alighting to their homes in the forest below.
The land below was dark and hollow, cooling and dwindling away from view while the sun fought on to provide the last of its heat to be enjoyed and absorbed by the tired Earth. The world's grassy hair and the sunlight which filled the trees that dotted its surface betrayed its efforts to hide itself away from the light, denying the tired planet its overdue slumber.
The Earth was tired, but the sky?
It had never been more beautiful or more alive.
In the sun's final moments when its duty had been done and it awaited nothing but its slow slumber over the horizon, it ejected everything it had into one final burst of color and light, reaching its arms across the sky to rein in what it could. The remaining clouds tried to stifle and restrain those glorious rays... but their efforts were in vain, their cover too thin and too sporadic to hide the sun away. When that star could no longer stand to give it allowed itself one final release, one last display of power and courage.
One last chance to live.
It was as beautiful as their kiss, sealed away beneath her wings so that naught but the two of them, kept warm in the other’s embrace, could savor it. It was as comforting as her little glen so far below, silently tucked away for the next pair of lovers to find and wile away the hours within. It was just as lively and active as the valley laid out before her, one which danced and lauded the sun for its power by swaying and twinkling, reflecting the suns own light back so that that celestial sphere so far away could look and be proud of what it had accomplished.
It pulsed and danced! It moved and swayed and shook with power! The world was alive! The breath of the earth was given substance and form as the grasses swayed. The heat it expelled gave testament to its being. Its desires were made manifest as its hair danced and shimmered, as the sweat from its brow trickled down its craggy forehead and along its spine to meet the sea.
Though soon it would be dark there was now such beauty still hanging on, giving out what power it had left in a burst of color, forcing all who saw it to marvel in its splendor.
There was no better time than now. There was no time more appropriate or perfect than when even the earth below and the sky above gave into their exhaustion... when they too could no longer stand to give. They had provided so much life and love that now, when the world had taken in all it could, they had just enough for themselves. They had just enough to afford themselves some final minutes of warmth before dying away.
Fluttershy looked upon the world and surveyed the crags and rocky peaks in all their faraway majesty. She gazed upon the grassland and its trees and rivers, and as she stared out into the great wide open she found herself looking upon an equal spirit, a soul which was just as tired and spent. She looked upon the world and saw life in all its myriad forms: the fish which swam upriver to give life, and those birds of prey which soared above them bent on taking that life away. Fluttershy looked beneath her hooves to find the ants which gave their lives to support their kin, and in their deaths would be reused for the betterment of all.
She looked upon the world for a final time, and as she did she found herself staring back.
Those fish she watched in the river below were the same she had nurtured and protected from those self-same hawks and eagles above. She had guarded their eggs beneath her bridge and let them free to meet the sea when their times came. She had nursed the wings of those raptors, even if they had long since forgotten about her. She was a part of life! Her actions had supported the growth of the world, and in attending to those animals she had returned the energy she had been given to keep life moving along! She had such undefinable purpose, such great importance!
But she was no longer required. She had given everything to someone else. Her calling had been found, her life's work accomplished, and her love spent. The world required nothing more from her. Those beings she had shielded could protect themselves, heal themselves, give and take life away far better than she could. She had exhausted her supply and had given all she had to give, and in doing so the world had restarted, grown anew, used what life and love she had donated and magnified it ten-fold!
The sun could hide her failures with its glorious mask, wipe clean the slate she'd sullied with her renewed hesitations and her weakness. It would stand guard over her, give her all the warmth and love she would require before fulfilling her promise. The earth would find her and care for her, absorb her anew and allow her to be free to the wind to give unto the world her relinquished gift.
That would be her last request, her only need from the world in which she had flown as high as she was able.
She had looked upon the world from its apex, and now only the fall remained.
When all those separate scraps of time had been stitched together and cast into the light to absorb the sun’s dying heat and breathe deep the intangible succor of the world: Fluttershy gave them her heart’s blessing to fly away and alight on the wind. They had been her only warmth and source of solace on the mountain, but now they were redundant. The fire of resolve was warmer still than they, more intimate and close, and of her own construction.
She imagined those times tumbling on the wind as she had not too long ago, alone above the world, aloft on their own courage. But no matter what she did those times were lost, remaining only in her mind and immortalized on the pages of her journals. She gave them away to the strokes of quill on parchment and with every unwanted tear in her letter to Macintosh. They had been abandoned as she had been. She had left them behind without a look over her shoulder or a returning step to the farmhouse threshold. She had had no desire to stay with those pages or accompany the broken shards of her heart with an explanation.
Those memories didn't exist anymore, no matter how much time she could spend in their recollection. They were lost to her, no matter what she would sacrifice to bring them back.
They weren't real.
But did they really need to be?
Was tangibility a requirement for things to exist? Was having substance, form, and intention the standard for what could be considered true? Those days they'd spent together, their moments, their kisses... hadn't those existed? Those things had substance! They could be measured by physical touch and implicit memory, by two consenting souls and a shared desire! The brief moments when she had felt alive had been her happiest, her fullest! They would be the ones she would remember when she gave what love she felt back to the world!
But those things she'd felt, those things she still felt hiding away in her heart... could they be considered real?
She had felt excitement when she counted the days until his next arrival. She had felt utter joy when hesitation succumbed to will as his hoof succumbed to hers, alone in their glen, hiding from the world. She had felt such warmth and elation, such grand twitterpation and weightlessness when she’d drawn up what will they shared to make her love manifest in but a single kiss. She’d felt even more of that vivacious nectar when he’d returned it, when they remained on the mountain, lost in the other, forcing even the sun to blush.
She had felt fear when she had first met Macintosh. She had felt it close behind her when she made her move in the cottage. She felt it linger on her lips when she dove in. It had been there through everything, hiding behind her to sink its claws into whatever emotion stood at the ready awaiting its chance to make its grand debut. It lurked and snarled, whispering its insidious nothings to that terrified little hope that only wanted to become the centerpiece of some grand metaphysical stage in which it would be the sole performer.
But then, with his patience, her courage, his acceptance of her limitations, and her adoption of his qualities: her fear had receded. It had relinquished its hold and died away!
It had died, and only the living can die.
They had lived! Those things had been real too! That was the only explanation!
As Fluttershy stood and faced the world, she allowed it one final smile before drawing out the rope she'd tied about her waist, testing its strength in her teeth before wrapping it once about her wings, tying the ends into a little bow...
~~~~~
...just like the one on her present.
She'd hoped to find him and give to him another gift, to invite him to the dinner she was preparing for them to share. She hoped he would be home. She hoped to fold up against his chest and lose herself again, her heart carried away by those same butterflies she'd soared with.
But they, and he, were gone.
He hadn't responded to her knocks at the door. He wasn't just over the fence like he always made a point to do at lunchtime just so the two might share a glance, a little smile, before returning to their tasks.
The barn had been empty. The farmhouse had been quiet. The fields, the coops, and the orchards were just as barren. There was no crimson stallion there to receive her present. There was not a single soul at Sweet Apple Acres.
She carried her box on her back, a token of affection for the one stallion who adored her as she did him. It would be her grand entrance into the festive day on which she had never felt included. She had hoped he would like it. She had made it just for him.
He hadn't been in the market. He hadn't been with Applejack. He hadn't been anywhere she would have normally found him. He wasn't in town, in the library, or in the park.
He was in the sweet shop.
He wasn't alone.
The eatery had been adorned in all its Hearts and Hooves Day trappings. Their faces were lit up, obvious even through the dusty window. He was with another, a purple mare. He was smiling. His eyes were empty, for she had stolen them away. His smile was wide to match his partner’s.
Even through her swirling vision and the dusty windowpane, the two of them looked so...perfect...
~~~~~
Everything had been perfect once.
They had been perfect once.
Those days were gone now. His heart had been stolen away from her, borne on the wings of caprice and hesitation, given unto a mare who had the power to protect it. Macintosh had no need to sacrifice a part of himself for Fluttershy when the other mare had everything. He didn't need to be weak when Cheerilee required nothing but his love from him. She never needed those things Fluttershy had always lacked, those things which Fluttershy just couldn’t make on her own.
But it wasn't his fault. How could it have been? He had given himself up for Fluttershy! He had bled for her, suffered her crippling anxieties and her fearful nothings...all for her. And what had Fluttershy done? What had she given back? She had nothing to give, for he had given her everything! He had invested so much time and love that she was forever in his debt, that he had exhausted his supply and had moved on to protect himself from falling into that same empty hole Fluttershy had wallowed in her entire life.
How could she have been so foolish to think that this fantasy could ever have been reciprocated? How could she think herself ready to love, when she could barely love herself? How could she expect him to stay, to suffer more under her timidity, to give himself up for her when she faced those things which would be sure to come? How could she have asked him for that kind of sacrifice?
She had taken so much from him: love and patience, courage and time, his confidence and resolutions...all those things she never had. All those things she couldn't make for herself.
They were gifts.
They were debts.
And debts need to be repaid.
Tightening her rope further, Fluttershy advanced on the cliff and scanned the ground below for an easy path to accomplish her task.
She didn't need to hold onto those things anymore. In the fulfillment of her promise, they would be repaid! The loose ends he had unknowingly created would be tied together like the rope which held her wings to her sides. Those things she had borrowed would come rushing out of her, through the skin of her, to be caught by the light and scattered throughout the world.
He would find them again.
~~~~~
His pace quickened. The cresting light which streamed from the mountains beyond shimmered off a splash of cascading pink hair, glimmered off the smooth and iridescent yellow fur which shone in stark contrast with the encroaching darkness.
He couldn't run and scream at once, but he couldn't stop. He could only charge forward from the base of the hill where those butterflies had congregated before rushing to meet the two of them.
He prayed for their speed, to pick up the energy they had left in their wake to use for himself.
He prayed she would still be there to listen.
~~~~~
As Fluttershy peered over the cliff's edge, her fear took hold for a single moment and planted her hooves to the ground, sealing her wings to her sides in the places where the rope hadn’t tightened. The cliff was higher than she'd imagined it would be, and was only made worse as the ground grew darker, seemingly hiding itself away from her confidence. The sun hid its eyes behind the mountains, and that light which had once been her anchor dwindled as the sun watched with bated breath from around the peaks of the ranges beyond as she made her preparations.
"Courage, Fluttershy..." she sighed, stamping her hoof to cast a few hanging rocks from the edge to fall slowly to the ground below. “He wants you to be strong. He needs you to be strong.”
Peeking out once more over the cliff’s edge, Fluttershy held her gaze on the last flickering motes of light on the earth below. Though her eyes rebelled and pleaded to be shown some lesser horror, her trademark stare wrangled them in to look upon the world and what darkness reigned below. With every passing moment her body and her heart willed themselves to back away and protect themselves from the possibility of the fall... but Fluttershy gave her hesitations no quarter, no room to retreat.
Then, slowly, as her body gave in and her eyes held their watch on the earth below... the world began to move! The grasses which had hidden themselves away grew larger! The cliff became much smaller, more manageable, less imposing or terrifying! With a few more moments to bring back the world which her heart had pressed away, she broke her terrifying stare and found the cliff under her control. Her hesitations had given into her will and now there was nothing, no fall or vast moraine, no pain or future heartache, which could ever entreat itself into her well being. It was enough to bring back her smile.
With her courage, even the world was at her command.
Courage. Just one more thing she'd taken from him to never return, just one more squandered emotion on his part. It lingered still, affording her enough strength to control both herself and her timidity, to wrest control of the world from itself and grant her such power.
But still, it wasn’t hers. It could never be hers. She had taken it from him, stolen it away.
Why could he create so much, give so much away, and still be perfect? Why had his investment in her have grown so much throughout this day on the mountain and now, when she was so close to keeping her promise: decide to hide away? Why couldn't she produce her own? Why had she relied on Macintosh? Why had she relied on Rainbow Dash, and Twilight, and Applejack...
...On her friends?
With the blink of an eye the world grew silent. The rope around her waist grew thick and jagged when once it had been smooth, and that cliff which had once been encouraging and warm grew distant, cold, and dark. The frayed ends and little fibers of that cord now wrapped around her waist and wings became so rough and invasive that her wings pleaded for some respite... a brief moment of weakness to be shown some leniency.
But that little cord could never diminish the grand warmth which came streaming through her body as the bright and happy faces of her dearest friends slowly came to life all around her, standing right beside her, giving her their love.
They had given her just as much as he had! They had fought for her too! They had protected her, shielded her, gave themselves unto her wholeheartedly, without reservations or requirements, without caveats or conditions! The years they had remained by her side, overcoming impossible foes, tackling the toughest of challenges... they had been the happiest Fluttershy had ever been!
They would understand why Fluttershy needed to do as she did. They would see past their own pain and know in their hearts why this was her only option to spare herself. They wouldn't blame themselves, nor would they blame Macintosh. They wouldn't blame anyone, for only Fluttershy was to blame. Only Fluttershy had been weak. They would understand her limitations like they always had.
Applejack had always been honest with her, telling her to follow her feelings and rely on herself. She had shown Fluttershy that same kindness and compassion she herself adored, teaching her how to give herself wholeheartedly to those things she loved! In her actions and their time together, Applejack had shown that Fluttershy was only as strong as she let herself be, that there was such power waiting behind the curtain just hoping for a chance. If Fluttershy could find it within to be honest with herself: her true self would come peeking through, see the crowd that awaited her arrival, and see that there was nothing to fear.
Applejack would understand the need for Fluttershy to remain true to her promise. She would encourage her to be honest with her heart. This was her grand debut, and the world awaited her arrival. To Fluttershy, there could be no greater audience.
Rarity had given herself to Fluttershy with every fiber of her being, giving her the strength she needed to do the impossible! She had always given her love, her strength, and her kindness... even if she could keep little for herself. She was jealous at times. She would fight with Fluttershy about her decision, but in the end Rarity would endure the heartbreak if this was what Fluttershy wanted.
She would be generous enough to give her support. She would plant herself to the ground and not interfere even if everything she had told her to stop Fluttershy from what she wanted. She would know that Generosity sometimes means letting go of something, or someone, you love. She would understand in the end.
Pinkie had shown her that life wasn’t nearly as scary as she had made it seem, that all the world’s shadows were only as scary as Fluttershy allowed them to be. Even as the shadows grew about her and threatened her with all the implicit horrors of the world, Pinkie had shown her that only light can create darkness, that only happiness can destroy fear! The world grew brighter as she imagined her bouncing pink companion nearby, and with every bouncing step and happy giggle Fluttershy found her resolve and her smile again. Pinkie had such confidence, such wonderful power in every bounce that every time she came back to the earth below she unknowingly sent such wonderful ripples of calm and comfort through the air.
She might not laugh now, but when she saw what life Fluttershy had given back to the world she would feel her nearby and be just as elated as she always was. She would feel Fluttershy below her hooves with every bounce, and with every hop Pinkie would be reminded of their time together.
Twilight had brought her from the shadows. She had given her such kindness and understanding, little encouraging prods, and a new group of lifelong friends to make her life complete. There was nothing Twilight couldn't do, and with her confidence there was nothing Fluttershy couldn't do as well!
Twilight would understand. She would hold them all together like she always had, dispelling their pain and heartache with her leadership. Fluttershy would give back her Element for Twilight to find again, relinquish it for another worthy pony to bear. They would become Kindness Incarnate, and they too would have a new group of friends with whom to share their lives. They would feel the same life and love that Fluttershy had now, the same power which fed her reserves and kept her planted on the mountain. Twilight would make that happen.
The four of them had brought her from her despair, had given her the beginnings of those things which she and Macintosh would make complete. The four of them had been her rock, her shield, her pedestal, and her safe haven.
The four of them had been her world.
But there was one she would miss most of all... one who would fall alongside her and remain with her until the end.
She was loud, unforgiving, mean, and sullen on occasion. She had always been a firebrand, a mare who would stop at nothing to get what he wanted even if others suffered for it. She never meant to hurt. She never meant to alienate her friends. She was always able to change, to adopt those traits she needed to succeed and make herself better.
She had flown in during flight camp to protect Fluttershy and ever since then had always been there, right in front of her, holding her guard. She was here even now to watch over her, to protect her from anything the world would do to stop Fluttershy from what she wanted. Her own beliefs, needs, and worries were cast aside each and every day to ensure that her friends were never left high and dry.
Rainbow Dash would understand her reasoning, even if it didn’t match her own. Rainbow would feel her pain, even if she would never understand.
Rainbow would let her fall. She would allow Fluttershy to spare herself from an empty life.
She would fight. She would scream and cry and plead with her best friend not to do it. She would beg her to stay by her side, to be her friend even if that friend she so longed to have would be but the hollow husk of the one she had saved all those years ago. Rainbow would try and make her see that life still had purpose, that there was so much she had left to do and so many adventures they had left to share.
But then, slowly, she would let her best friend die. She would remain on the cliff and tell Fluttershy that everything would be alright. Rainbow would be right there to wipe away Fluttershy's tears and give her all the courage she could give, even if it meant she could keep none for herself. She would never deny her. She would never deny anyone their heart’s desire.
She would allow Fluttershy her final wish, even if her own heart broke in the process. She was strong enough to take it. She was brave enough to accept it. She would rally the five of them together. She would make them understand why Fluttershy needed to do as she must. Rainbow Dash would remain as Fluttershy left them behind to pursue a new adventure, and she would love her still.
They would all love her, despite the heartache. They would encourage her to do her best, to be herself, to follow through with her plans and aspirations. They would always be there for her, just as they had on that very first day... on their very first adventure, together as a team.
And now, at the end of everything, Fluttershy would do them proud.
She would be honest with herself like Applejack had been with her, for in her heart she knew this was what she wanted. This was how she would protect herself from the heartache which had already begun to tear her apart from the inside.
She would be generous and allow her shattered heart some rest from her attempts to force the pieces back together. She had tried, only to find that so much was missing. She had given them away, and now nothing fit the same way it had before. She would allow those pieces some rest. She wouldn’t bother them anymore. They had suffered enough.
She would laugh and smile, bask and revel, allow her heart to soak in the laughter and the joy of the world which Pinkie had always brought forth from the ground below. Even the earth, overjoyed in her presence, would relinquish so much of its power and throw her away from itself with each of her little bounces only to surge and grow warmer when gravity brought her back down again. And now, with Pinkie’s confidence nearby, Fluttershy was just as light. The world was just as soft and yielding. The ground below the cliff would be the same cushion it was for Pinkie, and the thought gave Fluttershy such courage.
Fluttershy would remain loyal to herself. She would wrangle in her hesitations and her timidity and force them to bend to her will with Rainbow’s power. She would remain steadfast, when everything else told her to run. She would be as strong as Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy knew her friend would follow her down to guide her to her final destination, whispering words of encouragement in the tendrils of wind she would pass through.
Twilight would keep them all together. She would hold the Elements together in Fluttershy’s absence. She would keep them from falling apart, dispelling their beliefs about their guilt and allow them to remain happy together. That was all Fluttershy had ever truly wanted, and Twilight was strong enough to do just that. As Fluttershy stood atop the cliff she could feel that purple mare right behind her, cheering her on, giving her one last tearful smile.
She would be courageous and strong for herself, for him, and for them. She had been happy in those fleeting memories just like Pinkie Pie would want her to be. She felt their love nearby, as if they were all thinking of her at the same time... as if each and everyone of them were on their way to give her their support.
She had her friends with her in spirit, their power feeding her own.
She had her love in her memory, and through it she would find solace and comfort.
She had everything she could ever need.
~~~~~
Macintosh had nothing.
Where once his pace had been light and furious it now dragged and stumbled with the weight of exhaustion and grief. Furrowed under his dragging hooves, Macintosh carved great gashes into the dirt below as he stumbled to the base of his final hurdle.
There was only one final hill which loomed over him as he struggled to breathe, and as he gazed to its apex he rested his frame with a free hoof.
She was waiting for him, just as she always had.
She would listen to him and his explanation for his uncontrollable behavior.
She would hear him out and forgive him, showing him the same kindness the Fates themselves had seen her to be the paragon of.
She would understand. All she had to do was hold on. All she had to do was listen.
His body rebelled and buckled under the pain, rejecting his begs for action as he fell to the ground. With every aching movement he found his limbs unable to keep up, and for the first time in his life: Macintosh’s body failed him.
But only for a moment.
With a shake of his head and a cry of pain he raised himself up from the ground, his legs quivering and quaking. With a final scream of her name Macintosh shook his limbs back into action as he took the first few steps forward, leaning forward to give power to his muscles, gazing up the hill as her name echoed around the mountain.
~~~~~
The wind picked up slightly, but it carried with it none of the same cold shivers as it had before. The last of the earth’s sound and sensation carried itself on the breeze, burrowing itself in her mane and playing with her hair as those butterflies had. What glorious memories it stored within itself! What grand messages and parcels the winds of life carried upon their backs!
Those winds would bring those butterflies home, safe and secure. Those winds had carried the sounds of her friends’ laughter and their joyous ruckus whenever Fluttershy had had the honor of seeing them.
The wind spoke her name even now, whispering from the hills and the valley below with a soft timbre and an easy lilting flow.
The world was at her back.
Her friends were by her sides.
Her love was safe and secure.
And with a smile and a slight lean forward, Fluttershy kept her promise.
The howling of the wind and the whipping of her hair died away as Fluttershy looked upon the valley and what splendorous energy remained still keeping it bright and vibrant. The grasses below were so very far away... but each of them waved for her, beaming with light as they awaited her arrival. The world was friendly, even now when she had chosen to relinquish her hold upon it.
But so very different from when she had taken her first fall all those years ago, when Rainbow’s ambition and her silence gave Fluttershy her first taste of the land below: there was no fear. There was no terror as there had been when the gangly legs of her youth had flailed about in the great emptiness and her tiny voice had screamed in protest. There were no screams of fright as the wind passed her by. There would be none now, now that the life the filly of her youth had so longed to see had been accomplished...now that her life's calling had been found, tended to, and finally completed.
Her confusion about her place in the world, her reluctance to take a stand for herself... all that had been assuaged when she’d touched down on the land below her home, caught by those same insects who had given themselves unto her one last time with Macintosh nearby. They had braced her filly form all those years ago and had given themselves up again to form another world to share, a world which rang with life and sound and color, one which remained below her feet and was always there to catch her when she fell. She had found her calling. She had found her salvation.
She had found another home.
One she shared and played in with her friends... one which waved and shimmered for her even now, awaiting her arrival lined in the last remaining lights of life.
One she shared with Macintosh, for however brief and blissful a time.
One she was prepared to give up, if it meant he would be as happy and safe as she felt now.
He remained still tucked away in her breast, giving her the last of his heat and his courage even as the whipping of the wind and the rapidly approaching ground gnawed at what reserves she had created throughout the day.
He was still there to guide her down, affording her his strength when she had all but lost her own. His image remained, his voice just as calming, his hoof just as tender and soft as it had been upon her face not too long ago. As she closed her eyes and allowed herself a few final moments to remember he came back to her from the darkness, stepping through the veil as he had upon the hill with his head held high and his smile wide.
Her closing eyes hid the world from view as nothing but she and him remained, the two of them together to play out what remained of her life. Even now he was smiling, beaming down at her, applauding her for her strength.
Even now, when all had been lost, was he smiling.
Nothing was wrong anymore. Everything had been forgiven. She was safe, and would be forevermore. She would live on in his memory just as she hoped she would, and in doing so:
She would be immortal.
As Fluttershy opened her eyes to find the world rushing forward to greet her, she basked once more as his love gave her one last donation of courage.
One last stroke of her hoof in his own to give her his confidence.
One last kiss for her lips to remember, even if it meant nothing anymore.
One final smile which, as it had in the marketplace, made the world fade away.
There was something in that face of his, in what smile he had even as she fell. What confidence he had! How brave he must be to watch her fall! It was almost as beautiful as the dying world which waited for her with open arms, which held in itself none of that same fear or trepidation she had felt when she was but a filly.
The world was hers, for she had given it life. Her heart was mended, for her friends were with her in spirit to follow her down and cry in joy for her accomplishment.
Her dearest love was by her side, holding her hoof in the darkness.
Her life was now finally complete, ending as it had truly begun:
There was no better descriptor available to readily define the splendor of the day on which the six ponies, moving in single-file, found themselves a part of. As if in recognition of the significance of the ponies’ exodus, the sun drew upon itself new inspiration and cast away the dark recesses of the world. That same planet absorbed and emitted all the sun's heat to ease the aching limbs of the party who now climbed to the summit of the mountain, rustling the growing grass beneath their hooves as they struggled for purchase on the slope of the final hill.
One of them—in her excitement—was unable to hold her grasp of the earth below, and as she bounced ahead her five companions labored and strained to keep from losing their grip. That same bubbly pink mare rushed up the hill with an airy flounce, trekking forth a-ways before coming to a halt to ensure her friends had found the easiest route to where she stood.
"C'mon, slowpokes!" Pinkie Pie cried merrily, bouncing on the ends of her hoofs with delight. "We're gonna miss it if we don't hurry up! Macintosh said it was super-duper fantastically splendiferous, and he thinks it's that amazing then we shouldn't miss it for the world!"
"That don't sound like mah brother," one mare piped up, taking a moment to remove her hat and wipe the sweat from her brow. "Macintosh doesn't use words like that...do ya, Big Macintosh?"
Looking past her other three companions towards the lone stallion at the rear of their party, Applejack found her brother to be quite disinterested in their conversation. His interest seemed to be on retracing those steps he had made by his love's side and calculating where he had been all those months ago when he had tackled the hill. With every step his face grew the tiniest bit brighter...almost as if Fluttershy were still there by his side. His smile grew a fraction wider with every shared step, corporeal and otherwise, and every one of her imagined steps became a reminder of her utter trust in him.
With a sad smile Applejack replaced her hat upon her brow, picking up her hooves to retake the ground she had lost with a final declaration to her pink companion.
"If it makes ya feel better, Pinkie: I'll race ya to the top!"
"Ohhoho, you're on!” Pinkie challenged, pawing the ground in excitement. “Let's see if those little flimsy legs can handle the horsepower of these bad boys!"
Pinkie gave her fore-hooves a little flex, and as she halted her bouncing gait to allow Applejack some time to prepare Pinkie Pie laid down the ground rules with a little glimmer in her eyes.
"Alright, AJ: this here's a no-holds-barred hoof-speed showdown! Last one to the top is a rotten dragon egg! Get ready...get set...threetwooneGO!"
Then, with a mad whoop and a cloud of dust, the two friends scampered up the mountainside, their racing hooves casting rock and earth behind them as they rocketed to the summit. Their screams of laughter buried the sound of the cascading dirt they had rent from the ground below, but their sudden burst in activity gave the others warning and the jettisoned dirt was caught by the magical forces of the two unicorn mares behind them.
"Can you believe those two?" Rarity exclaimed, her horn flaring to life as she brushed off the few pieces of dirt which had broken through their shared magical barrier. "You'd think they would take this more seriously."
"Everypony grieves in their own way, Rarity," her fellow unicorn stated evenly, brushing the dust from her simple yellow sundress as her two other friends rushed up the mountainside, their previously dour faces now lined with joy. "Whatever helps them make today less painful should be something we encourage."
"I know, Twilight, it's just..." Rarity started, looking from herself to her two stampeding companions before her. "You'd think they'd remember why we're...well..."
Shrugging her shoulders, Rarity gave her friend a sad smile. "I just...I just don't want to see them getting those clothes dirty again! I had a hard enough washing those duds of Applejack’s the last time. I thought she'd keep that in mind."
"They don't look like they have much on their minds right now," Twilight smiled, looking towards her friends now cresting the summit of the mountain and the solitary flash of pink that jumped as high as she was able in victory. "They look happy, and if that's what they need then we have no reason to deny them that, no matter how dirty they get."
Glancing back towards her companion, Twilight afforded Rarity another smile before turning her attention on the lone pegasus of the group.
"You've been awfully quiet today, Rainbow. I thought you of all ponies would enjoy a little race! Is there something wrong?"
Twilight kept her smile wide and her bright eyes centered on her rainbow-maned confederate, but both her smile and her resolve died away when the pegasus made no effort to return the cordiality. Not even her attempts to lighten the mood or get her friend to smile had an effect, and that enthusiastic facade she had hoped would bring Rainbow back to them fell apart with every one of her friend's idle wingbeats. With every flap Rainbow Dash made no effort to speak, acknowledge her friends, or even take note of her position in space. The only thing she seemed capable of accomplishing at the moment was counting the individual blades of grass on the hill below.
When she wasn’t doing that, as Twilight soon found, she seemed to be boring holes into Macintosh’s skull with every glance behind her. As she stared, she made not a sound...and as the silence grew, so did Twilight’s discomfort.
“I've been trying really hard to make today not so gloomy, but nothing seems to matter," Twilight muttered as she matched Rarity's pace. "She hasn’t spoken to anyone since we started out on this hike. She’s barely said anything in months.”
Turning towards her friend a final time, she found Rainbow's face far heavier and age-worn than she had ever imagined that athletic mare could be. Even the sun's dazzling light and its grand warmth had no effect, and the more she stared the more contagious Rainbow's demeanor became. Though her friend would never see it, Twilight afforded Rainbow one final smile before turning to face the path and the unicorn before her.
"She just seems so...lost."
“And this is odd?” Rarity whispered, daring a glance behind her as Rainbow Dash continued her laconic flight. “Did you expect anything different from her?"
Raising her head, Twilight's eyes locked with her friend's and those words she had been repeating to herself in her efforts to remain strong wilted away before Rarity's sad, pleading look.
"Put yourself in her position, Twilight. Our dearest Fluttershy never said anything about her feelings for Macintosh or how she felt about losing him. She never made an effort to tell anypony because she felt she needed to work it out herself, and when she couldn’t: she never asked Rainbow for help!”
Rarity lowered her voice when the target of her latest analysis flew overhead to catch the wind and glide towards her other two friends, and as she chanced another glance behind her to ensure Macintosh was unable to hear Rarity continued with her explanation and her advance up the hill.
“She’s been protecting Fluttershy for years, and they have been friends for far longer than any of us combined! She’s always been there for her...but, for whatever reason, Fluttershy never told her about her feelings. She never told her anything.”
Steadying her voice and adjusting her steps as the ground started to level out, Rarity took a deep breath to control herself before affording Twilight a few last words.
“Fluttershy was her sister, Twilight, in every way save blood. She loved Fluttershy just as much as Macintosh did, maybe even more...but she never knew Fluttershy was hurting. She must feel a little betrayed, Twilight. She must feel as if she didn't matter to the one mare who mattered most to her."
With every one of Rainbow's dying wingbeats Rarity's observation sank in a little deeper, and only when her flapping had ceased entirely did the full weight of Rainbow's feelings nest itself near Twilight's already fragile heart. It had been so obvious, now that it had been explained to her. It had taken a mind far less distracted than her own to make the truth known. Everything made sense...everything except why she had been so foolish to have shown such happiness when Rainbow's life was falling apart around her.
Though her head fell with the weight of her actions and the pain which awaited what they had in store, Rarity's hoof upon her shoulder gave her just enough reassurance to raise her head.
"We just need to give her time, Twilight," Rarity stated calmly, brushing away their shared tear with her warm hoof. "That’s all she needs.”
After a few more minutes of silent exertion the two of them came to a halt, the both of them sweating profusely but relieved their trek had finally come to an end. Pinkie Pie and Applejack sat together in the nearest field of clover, the former still beaming in pride for her win over the self-proclaimed Ironpony. Both of them rooted through the little flowers and their petals to find those few lucky ones they required for what they had in store.
Rainbow Dash hovered a few feet from the ground, her wingbeats steady and unlabored though her face betrayed her exhaustion. Her limbs had been unused, but her mind had been racing throughout the day. The remains of the past few months could almost be recorded in the lines and wrinkles which had slowly emerged about her once pristine face. They were the only shreds of evidence for her grief, for her tongue was as lost as she was.
As Twilight and Rarity caught their breath, Macintosh crested the hill from his position at the end of the long train of ponies and took a few tentative steps forward towards the edge of the cliff. The eyes of his companions followed him as he stepped towards the summit, and as he remained looking out over the great plains the others found themselves drawn towards him, sucked in by some magnetic attraction which pulled them all—even Rainbow Dash—towards the one place they hadn’t dared approach.
Gazing out over the edge of the world, the view stole their breaths away.
An unending river of color coiled and stretched throughout the valley, the entire mass waving and shimmering as the unyielding sun above beamed in pride for the day it had created. As the six of them marveled at the grand spectacle the river contorted and coiled in the air, the edges breaking when the wind came through to cast off those few insects which were unable to be shielded by their kin. Each of them became lost in the beauty of that vast living body of color, and as the moments passed they found that the mass was moving slowly closer.
There was enough time between now and the river’s arrival for their mission to be completed, and with a little nod towards his companions Macintosh retreated from the edge and shrugged off his saddlebags.
“We’re here, love,” he whispered to no one in particular, giving his saddlebag the smallest of strokes. The bag remained clasped tightly together, keeping its cargo protected from anything with even the slightest hints of malicious intent. Seating himself upon the ground, the other mares fanned out around him in a small circle. With an idle flap Rainbow Dash seated herself near Macintosh, her mouth unmoving though her eyes—as they hadn’t ceased to do—drilled themselves into Macintosh’s body.
With a little nod between them, Macintosh bid Twilight to fulfill their purpose. Rising to her hooves, Twilight gave one last glance at the vast river of butterflies growing wider on the horizon before clearing her throat, taking the calmest of breaths, and allowing herself to speak.
"I'm glad we could all be here today to honor our dearest friend Fluttershy. Each of us loved her dearly, both as a fellow Element and as a best friend, somepony who we could always rely on when times got tough or the road grew dark. We all know that she was kind and gentle, loving both her friends and her animals with a complete and utter devotion...but there are some things we never got the chance to say, some final thoughts about her that we never got to share. I thought that now, on this day, in one of her favorite places: we should say them in the hopes that she might hear us and know she is still loved. Seeing as I'm standing, it's only fitting that I start."
Shuffling her hooves, Twilight looked about to find her friends nodding their approval...all of them save Rainbow Dash. Even Macintosh was giving his consent, though his eyes betrayed his discomfort and his apprehension for how his love's dearest friends would perceive him. His anxiety was assuaged when Twilight summoned her courage and continued with her speech.
“I can only imagine what it must be like to love somepony as much as Fluttershy did. I can only dream of that feeling, having never felt it myself. It’s a hypothesis I’ve long desired to test, a question which has been nagging me ever since I began to study under the Princess. I've always questioned what it meant to love, even if that love is between my dearest of friends.”
Affording each of her fellow Elements a courageous smile, Twilight continued with a shake of her mane.
“I never understood...and therefore I just disregarded it. I guess that was why, when Macintosh first came to Rarity and I, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had never known the two of them felt as they had for each other, or even that Fluttershy was capable of feeling something so terrifying as love when she couldn’t handle even being slightly afraid of anything else. I would never have imagined Fluttershy would be capable of even thinking of...of...”
Closing her eyes for a moment, she could feel the soft stroke of Rarity’s hoof on her own. The touch of her friend, and the others’ smiles when her tearful eyes reopened, gave her the courage to continue.
“She...she just went off without us and never told us, and all during that day when we were looking for her I just couldn’t understand why! I’ve been thinking about it ever since she passed, staying up late at night mulling over what she must have been going through. No matter what I did, I couldn’t understand it...but then I realized just why I couldn’t understand. I realized just what set Fluttershy and I apart."
"It wasn’t our differences in confidence, my insatiable need to be right all the time, our differences in skills or life callings or interests. It wasn’t anything I could empirically measure, for what set us apart was a belief. She believed wholeheartedly in something, and in doing so she had become something which I had no knowledge of.”
With a little shrug and an almost stifled tear, Twilight gave Macintosh’s saddlebags a little glance before raising her head from its vigilant watch on the earth below, stamping her hoof to give herself the courage she needed.
“She had fallen in love! She had given her heart to someone else, and I wasn’t able to see it! That was why I couldn’t understand! That was why it had taken me so long to come to grips with it! She went beyond what I thought she could do. She explored something so novel and foreign to me that, when confronted with the evidence, I just didn’t understand. I’ve given it some thought...and now that I understand, everything is clear. She went ahead and discovered something so pure and beautiful, and she did it alone, without our help. She did it for herself, and what she found she shared with Big Macintosh.”
Facing the stallion in question, Twilight found a smile where once there had been the faintest traces of guilt. Granting him a small bow, Twilight summoned the last of her courage and spoke as evenly as she could to the quiet, shy stallion before her.
“She found something with you that made her whole. She never showed it to us, but I’m glad she didn’t. She kept it between you two, and in doing so she kept it pure...even if it doesn’t feel that way now. Her passing makes a little more sense, now that I’ve taken the time to understand, and now that I understand: it doesn’t hurt so much...not anymore.”
Sitting herself back down, Twilight wiped her face dry and gave Rarity a reciprocal stroke of her hoof to signal her words had been concluded. With a little pull from her side Twilight found herself lost in Pinkie’s mane, the two mares holding on to one another as they listened to the words of the seamstress now collecting her thoughts before opening her mouth to speak.
“I’m afraid I don’t have much to say,” Rarity began, shuffling her hooves as she played with the ends of the grass below. “I’ve tried thinking about what to say to make amends with how I feel, but nothing sounded right. I wanted to give our darling Fluttershy a grand eulogy befitting her wonderful life, but I couldn’t bring myself to write anything down. I knew that if I touched my pen on parchment and began to write, she would fade away with every word I wrote. She would be lost to me when I wanted her to remain. I was too afraid to let that happen, and now...now that I think about it: I find myself to be horribly selfish."
“I don't want to give her up. I want her to be my spa partner again, my kitty-sitter again, my model and my confidante again. I want to keep her here for as long as I can. I want her to stay with me and help me through my troubles and my fears, but I know that wouldn’t have been fair...not to her, and not to me.”
Rarity’s eyes never moved from the ground below, not even when her alabaster cheek was slashed in two by the fall of a single line of black. She never even made the effort to hide her tears, and her face never moved, twitched, or made any indication of feeling when her tears and their cosmetic cargo entreated the corners of her mouth. All she did was keep speaking to the ground below, but with every word her head raised just a little higher.
“I don’t want her to go. I would give anything to keep her here with us, to make her see that we loved her with all our hearts! I don’t want her to be forgotten by us or be lost or scared or alone in the dark! I don’t want her to be afraid, wherever she is...but I know now that it’s not about what I want. It’s never been about what I want. All that matters is her...and if I have to give her up so that she can be free, then that is something I can do. She deserves that.”
Then, with a little smile, Rarity fixed her eyes on Macintosh and granted him a little bow of her head.
“She deserves the world.”
Her final words were met by his widest of smiles, and as the two ponies shared a tear what awkwardness their mutual association had created broke as each looked upon the other not as a mere acquaintance...but as a friend.
Finding her seat once more, Rarity allowed her shoulder to be sullied by the lingering patches of dirt which graced Applejack’s hoof. Then, as she brushed away her ruined mascara, her rustic companion gave her one last stroke of the shoulder before delivering her address.
“I ain’t never been one for fancy speeches and the like, and now that y’all have spoken it might seem a mite rude of me to keep things short an’ simple. Be that as it may, I guess I’d have to agree with you that I wish I could've at least talked with her one last time. She’s always been one pony who always seemed to need mah help with somethin’, but now I know she’s always had that courage deep down inside her. It might hurt some, but knowin’ that she was strong enough not to hide from her problems makes me glad I knew her, makes me honored to call her mah friend.”
Reverently removing her beloved hat, Applejack gave another glance towards the advancing cloud twisting over the prairie, watching the lines of color swirl and intermingle before twisting her hat in her hooves.
"I won't lie: I never thought Fluttershy would be able to do what she did. I wouldn't've believed her brave enough to even dare, but I guess it was 'cause I never saw her grow into the mare she became on her final day. She decided to make her own decisions, even if it ain't what we wanted for her. She made a stand and did what she thought was best. I'm proud that she did, and now I'm glad that y'all agree with me in knowin' that she was a whole lot bigger than the sum of 'er parts.
"I ain't got a whole lot more to say," Applejack concluded as she donned her hat once more. "I jus' hope she's safe, wherever she ended up bein'. I know I won’t forget ‘er, and as long as we’re together I know y’all won’t forget about her either. In a way, she’ll always be with us... and though it might hurt now, I know she's safe and secure. I know she's happy... and that’s enough for me.”
Giving her brother a little nod, Applejack relinquished her control over the proceedings and sat herself by Big Macintosh’s side, giving her brother a small nuzzle to ease the passing of their beloved friend. Her momentary embrace was time enough to soak up their shared tears and to pass the baton to her merry pink companion. Pinkie Pie, with her eternal smile, sprung up from her position on the ground and gave her friends the warmest of grins.
But when the time came for her words, they—like they had Rarity—abandoned her. They almost seemed to leak from her hair in an invisible trickle of life, and as the springy Pinkie looked over her friends and the advancing cloud in the valley below, her hair deflated as the words leaked from her body and passed through her mane to be caught by the wind.
“I... umm... I never really thought about what to say either,” Pinkie began, the miniscule bouncing of her limbs becoming weaker and weaker until her hooves, as they never had before, stopped dead. Even Rainbow was shaken from her silent ponderings when Pinkie’s smile fell, but before any of them could make a move towards her to offer her their support, she continued.
“Fluttershy meant the world to me, even if I was really super hyper and she liked to be quiet. I always thought she was a little weird to want to be that way, but she was always nice to me so it didn't really matter. I remember she didn’t like the surprise party I threw for her on her first day in town, and I can only guess that she never liked me playing pranks on her or poking fun at her. I thought maybe it was my job to cheer her up, make her not so nervous all the time! I only did it because I loved her, and I thought that maybe she might see that!
"She was never good at being surprised," Pinkie shrugged, "but I just kept on doing it because I thought it was funny. I feel pretty icky right now because I never really stopped to see if she thought it was funny too. I wish she knew that, and I wish I hadn’t been such an insensitive, self-centered meanie.”
With a little pawing of the ground, Pinkie gave each of her friends an apologetic glance before speaking to Big Macintosh directly.
“I think it would have been nice to throw you two a party, maybe a little ‘Hey-Everypony-Look-At-Us-We-Fell-In-Love’ party or maybe...maybe something a little quieter. I think she would have liked that: to know we cared about her and how she felt. I think she could have handled the attention, especially if you were there. I feel as if, in some teeny-weeny itsy-bitsy way, I’m to blame for her being so quiet. Maybe I was a little too loud. Maybe I thought I had to make up for that little part of her which I always wanted to see in her, but never did.”
She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts, and as she did her friends watched as her mane, very slowly, began to grow in size and volume. It rose and grew thicker, the ends twisting into their trademark curls as the whole mass rose up like a balloon...and as it pulled itself higher and higher: her head, her smile, and her heart came with it.
“But now that I think about it, I know she was happy at the end of it all! She must have been! She had been a part of the biggest party of them all! Being in love can only be just about the most fantastic and utterly amazing feeling in the whole wide world, and I have no doubt that she felt just as amazing in a way which didn’t scare her so much! She did that for herself! She threw herself the biggest, most special party she could, one which I never could have done right. Just knowing that she felt that way means a lot to me. It makes me glad that I could have helped in some small way.”
“I hope she’s okay,” Pinkie concluded with an affirmative nod to the earth below. “No...I know she’s okay: I can feel my hooves tingling, and that doesn't really happen...so it must mean she's close or something! I bet she’s waiting for us to join her own party she’s planning for us out there, and just knowing we’re all invited... well... it makes her leaving us not so nasty. I can’t wait to see her again someday!”
With a small stomp, Pinkie gave each of her friends and their stallion guide the brightest smile she could muster, emitting all that love she felt for her departed friend and doling out her affection for each of them in turn, her hair dwindling in size as she gave her happiness away for the others to find. Seating herself down by the pegasus at her side, Pinkie gave Rainbow Dash her hoof, stroking her friend's cyan fur in an effort to bring her around.
“Alright, Dashie: it’s your turn!” Pinkie chirped, her eyes probing Rainbow’s for the smallest of signs that her friend was still there with them.
Rainbow Dash said nothing. Her rose-colored eyes betrayed her absence, and even as Pinkie gave what life and warmth she had Rainbow’s face remained pallid and empty. The only sounds she created came from the scratch of her polychromatic mane upon her neck and the slight crackling of the rocks below her hooves as she fidgeted and squirmed.
Each of her companions looked to the others, searching for answers yet finding none. The silence grew, only broken by a solitary sigh which crept from between Rainbow’s sealed lips and escaped to make its presence known. It was at least some evidence that she was alive, even when each passing second sapped her will to remain that way.
But then, as her head fell from its vigil over the spaces between her friends and she rose from her seat without a sound, each of them stared in horror as Rainbow, without moving her face or saying a word:
Stood... trembled slightly...
...and then turned to walk away.
Five pair of eyes watched her depart for the edge of the cliff, each of them preparing themselves to jump at the slightest sign of weakness. Twilight and Rarity scanned her every move to prepare themselves to use their magic should she, in her trance, relinquish her hold on the earth below as her dearest friend had.
But their preparations and their worries were cast aside as Rainbow took one final tentative step towards the cliff and remained locked to the earth below, holding herself proudly in full view of the grand vista and firmly planted so that nothing would shake her.
She stared silently over the edge, gazing out upon the world which her dearest friend had given up, looking around the flickering ends of the grass and the leaves on the trees below to find her. All she needed was one final view of that glorious face... even a glimpse of it... just one sign that Fluttershy remained tethered to the world, hidden in the shadows for Rainbow to discover.
Fluttershy couldn't be lost! Rainbow knew she wasn't lost, for Rainbow remained at the ready to protect her from anything the world might do! She was stalwart and brave, prepared to take the damage with a smile on her face so that her dearest friend would remain unharmed. If she was there to protect Fluttershy, then Fluttershy had to be somewhere to protect! She couldn't truly be gone! She couldn't be...
She couldn't leave...not now...
Rainbow was still there. She was still on guard. She was ready to be there forever for the only sister she had ever had, the only one she loved more than herself. She remained on the summit, her rainbow mane alighting on softly approaching wind and her eyes aflame as she scanned every crack and crevice of the earth for her best friend...her first friend.
But the more she stared into the vibrant abyss, the further the distance between them grew.
And as the two shared one tender smile in the soft, warm darkness of Rainbow's tightly clenched eyes:
Rainbow Dash let her best friend go.
Those powerful hooves, the ones which had always been borne on equally powerful wings to be there towards whatever end, crumpled under the weight of her grief. They were unable to hold up that rebellious heart which, with every stifled tear and contained scream of rage, grew just a little heavier. That organ could never have borne that weight for long. Some things could never have been carried as they had by the solitary mare on the crest of the world.
Some things had to be let go.
Each of the remaining Elements, holding on to their companions for comfort, lost all hope as Rainbow Dash fell to the ground without a sound. They couldn't move when the mare who held within herself their collective confidence trembled in horror, quivering and shaking as the warmth of the sun clashed with the utter frigidity of her disconsolation.
The five of them watched in silence as Rainbow Dash, alone on the summit, raised her head to the sky and howled out her agony, her rage, her fears, her nightmares... all those things which had clung with poisonous talons to what remained of her words. They watched as their friend gave herself up to the judgment of the world with every renewed scream of pain, giving voice to all those pains they could never have said.
They watched as she gave voice to her demons, as she surrendered her strength, her hopes, her will to live... everything she dared surrender to whatever infernal nightmare might bring her one second of life, one sliver of something other than despair.
One last chance to see her friend again.
With her eyes closed and her throat ripping apart Rainbow Dash screamed and cursed the world for its neglect, for its part in rending her heart in two and damning what lonely life she had left to suffer alone. The warmth of her friend's hooves upon her shoulders held no power or sway as she released a heart-rending scream to accompany every tear spent for her dearest Fluttershy. She let loose a tear for every one of her friends' hidden glances as they resisted the pain of their beloved friend's departure.
Not even the cowpony who held her tight could contain her for long, for with every stifled gasp as her lungs fought for air Rainbow Dash kept on fighting to protect her dearest friend from the world which had already stolen her away. She fought and struggled to let loose those monsters which she had adopted, all those fears and terrible flickering thoughts her friends had hidden away behind lying eyes and weighed tongues. Rainbow, in her silence,had heard their pain and had seen the truth. Their lies meant nothing now. They only served as fuel for the raging fire around which those demons danced, manifesting their malevolent wills in the form of the sound of Rainbow's heart tearing asunder.
But slowly, when her heart was empty and what voice she had had been utterly spent cursing those sadistic gods and their cruel games... her fighting died away. Her heart dwindled away within her chest and gave her lungs some room to work, allowing her—for the first time in minutes—a few unrestrained breaths. Applejack remained utterly silent, stroking her friend's vibrant tangled mass of hair to bring her back around, holding Rainbow to her breast and her equally shattered heart. Every mare still fighting with tooth and nail to weather the pain enacted by their broken hearts could only quiver together as Rainbow sheltered all of their demons and let them pass through her system. Within a few minutes, Rainbow’s screams and curses turned to whimpers and sobs.
And after a few minutes more, Rainbow struggled no longer.
Buried in her friend’s mane, Rainbow Dash looked out upon the vibrant world with tear-soaked eyes and gave herself completely to Applejack's warm embrace. Convulsing under the pain of her heartache, she held on with everything she could as those last few tears she hadn't wasted on the earth below fell crashing down her friend's neckline. With every stroke of Applejack's hoof she found some semblance of comfort... but it would never be enough.
It would never replace their friend.
"It's okay, sugarcube," Applejack whispered shakily, granting her friends a tiny nod and a few tears as she willed Rainbow into a passive state. "I know this hurts, and I know you think it's unfair. We all think it's unfair that she was taken from us, and I hate myself for trying to be strong when all I want to do is fall apart. We all tried to hide it, but only you were strong enough to admit it to yourself. Everypony has their time, and sometimes we don't get any warnin' when it comes. Sometimes it ain't a choice we'd like to make, and sometimes it's one that's made for us no matter how much we have still left to live for. Fluttershy decided to take control of hers... and that takes a whole heap of courage. We just didn't want her to leave us, that's all."
Pushing her friend away just enough to rest her forehead squarely on Rainbow’s, Applejack sheltered her whisper from entreating ears to keep what she would say for the two of them alone.
"It's the worst thing in the world to see your loved ones go, honey. I've spent my whole life wondering why mah folks couldn't stick around, and not a day goes by that I don't think about 'em. It hurts now, but after awhile the pain goes away and you're left with the good times you shared. I'm just as hurt as you, Rainbow. I feel just as empty, angry, and mad at the world for not letting her stay...but I know that, wherever she is, Fluttershy is proud to have been your friend! She wasn't afraid to go, I know it! She's so, so strong, Rainbow Dash...and you helped her be that way!"
"Y-you... you m-m-mean I h-helped kill her, don't you!" Rainbow stammered uncontrollably, her racking sobs competing with her will to keep on fighting as she broke her month-long silence. "D-don't lie to me, Applejack! You think it's my f-fault she killed herself, d-don’t you?!"
"Heavens, no!" Applejack exclaimed with another stroke to free her friend's eyes from her disheveled mane. "That's not what I said at all. I said that she was only strong because you helped her be that way, that you're the reason she took control like you would've done. She was only followin' your example, and she knew just what to do because you showed her how. She wasn’t thinkin’ about her pain...”
The two shared a little glance, the smallest of exchanges left for two mares as close as they were. What pain and heartache, what tiny demons remained behind Rainbow’s eyes bared their teeth and displayed their courage, but she was strong enough to hide them away. With a final shudder Rainbow closed her eyes, steadied her breathing, and gave into Applejack’s embrace once more.
Cradling the broken pegasus in her arms, Applejack could do little more than rock away their shared pain, slowly replacing each of Rainbow’s sobs with her tiny words...those words which rang with truth and warmth:
“She was thinkin' of you, sugarcube. She was thinkin' of you..."
Turning her head from where she had left it along Rainbow’s neck Applejack gave her brother a nod, and as she did the remaining Elements, casting aside their pain, rushed forward to join the two mares silently weeping on the crest of the world. One by one they came, grabbing on where they could, each of their squeezes and their words of courage easing the rough passing of the one Element unable to join them.
Macintosh looked on for a moment as the five remaining mares gave what courage they had to Rainbow Dash, and as he stood alone besides his saddlebags he gave his parcel within one last stroke of his hoof.
Without a word, Macintosh unbuckled his saddlebags and peered within at what special cargo they had taken with them to this one place, this one location sealed away from time. It lay within one of his baskets, that same basket which had once been laden with his fragrant apple delicacies. Grabbing the handle in his teeth, he took special care to extricate his parcel, adjusting his pull to compensate for its weight.
As the five remained, Macintosh cast his bags aside and tiptoed towards the one mare to whom this cargo was intended. Each of the Elements backed away, removing themselves from the mass of mares huddled around his gift’s recipient.
Rarity came first, patting Macintosh’s shoulder as her face beamed in delight, casting aside her tears with a laugh of surprise as she looked upon what he had brought with him all this way. Her handiwork looked even more dazzling now that it had been fired, and when her efforts had finally been unveiled in the dazzling sunlight the heart abounded within her breast and threatened to pop right out of her mouth. Her hooves kept her heart in check and held her lips closed, though her tear-stained laughter came through where it could.
Pinkie Pie’s smile and her eternal bounce returned with a violent force as Macintosh came forward, her face erupting with her usual mirth as she gave her friend some room. Each of his slow steps was met with an equally slow bounce, but each time her hooves came upon the ground the world grew so much brighter...his love grew so much lighter. She was affording him so much courage, and only when she had given it did he realize that he had been missing it this whole time.
Twilight turned her head from where she had rested it atop Rainbow’s, giving Macintosh a sad smile and a nod of consent. There was no better time for him to make his entrance, and no more appropriate gift for their grieving friend. Giving Rainbow another stroke of the shoulder, she made a special effort to watch as Macintosh crept forward. Her body stood unmoving even as her tears, just like the friend for whom they were shed, took upon themselves all the happiness she could give and made the long journey down her cheeks to fall crashing to earth below, full of hope and confidence.
The final mare—with her hat askew—looked upon her dearest brother, took notice of his parcel, and turned her face back downwards to speak to the mare still holding on for everything she was worth. The cowpony had taken all of Rainbow’s strength through each of her renewed squeezes, their collective pain growing stronger as Rainbow's muscles tensed.
But now it was time for that strength to be repaid.
“We have something for you, Rainbow,” Applejack murmured, her hat shielding the two from the rays of the sun as she spoke quietly from her position on Rainbow’s brow. “We thought you should do the honors.”
“You...you w-want me to do what?” the pegasus stammered, pushing herself away from the mare still remaining there upon the ground to hold her close.
The only one left, where once there had been three others.
Rainbow Dash looked around frantically to find her friends beaming at her, each of them proud and strong, giving their strength where they could as they stood around her in a little arc.
She found Macintosh standing at their center, his head just as high and as proud as those by his side.
Her eyes fell upon the package held in his teeth...and there, in silence:
Rainbow Dash found her Fluttershy again.
Placing his basket at her hooves, Macintosh seated himself upon the ground across from the cyan pegasus who remained, petrified, sealed to the ground the second his basket fell. Applejack backed away slowly to join her other companions as Macintosh began to speak, his voice low and sonorous. It rang with confidence, and with every word Rainbow Dash found her head rising from the ground to face her enemy, that stallion who had stolen the world from her.
The stallion who had just given that world back.
“I never used to talk much,” Macintosh began, looking from his basket towards the mare to whom it now belonged, “because I believed as if what I have to say wasn't worth sayin’. Fluttershy taught me I was wrong. She taught me we all have somethin’ to give, that we all have somethin’ to learn from others, and that no matter what: the things we do matter for somepony. She came out of nowhere and changed my life like she did yours.”
Pushing his basket towards Rainbow Dash, Macintosh gave her a little nod of courage.
“The world gave her to us, to you and me...but all of us thought it only right for you to give her back.”
Then, as he removed her from the within, Macintosh pulled his wicker basket away to leave their love between them, just for the two of them.
Without a word, Rainbow Dash took some time to trace the lines and beautiful curves of the urn now firmly seated on the ground between them, brushing past the animals and songbirds lovingly painted upon its porcelain surface, gazing at the artistry behind tear-soaked eyes. The lid was firmly sealed. It didn’t fall apart and spill her friend upon the ground before her time.
It never moved when she pulled that vase to her chest and began to giggle in delight, her released sobs retracing their steps to come rushing back into her, filling her with all that love and life she had spent to give them away. Her eyes sealed themselves tight to restrain her renewed tears of happiness, her heart beating furiously to collide with that little jar. Her smile grew wider when the jar remained, the friend within attached to the world when her heart had forced her to believe otherwise for all that time.
It grew wider still when, with every beat, she felt her friend pushing back.
“Thank you...thank you...” she whispered, rocking herself and her dearest Fluttershy with every trembling smile and every wet laugh. Her rosy eyes, once as caustic and sharp as she herself could be, become such wonderful fonts of warmth and courage. They grew warmer still when her friends came out from their positions and seated themselves around her, watching the horizon and the growing wave now almost upon them.
The six of them held their positions, Macintosh and Rainbow holding between them the final piece of their broken hearts as the wave of color welled from the valley below and caught the updrafts to rocket to the sky and inundate them all with fluttering life. The six of them remained to the ground, their eyes alight, as their world slowly faded under the influence of the returning mass of butterflies:
Those conquering heroes who had braved the far reaches of the world and now, drawn in by the memory of their loving pegasus guardian, had finally come back home.
With a nod and smile between them, Macintosh and Rainbow Dash pulled the lid apart and allowed their parcel to be pulled away from them. The ashes of their dearest love were willed upwards by the pressure as those creatures their Fluttershy had lovingly grown and let free brought her up from the depths of her porcelain chamber. With each beat of their wings and their collected will those insects, sensing their mother’s presence, beat on furiously to whip her up and allow her to fly with them once more.
As the pot slowly drained Macintosh allowed himself another tearful whisper to his cyan companion, a few final words before Fluttershy left the two of them forever.
“I’m sorry, Rainbow,” he whispered over the buzzing din. “I know you don’t want to give her up. None of us do, but it’s because of me that we are... because it was me who broke her heart. I would've done anythin' to keep it from happening, but I couldn't... so as long as you live I don't want you to blame yourself. It’s because of me that we are doing this. It’s because of me that we have to let her go.”
Pawing the ground as he lowered his head, Macintosh closed his eyes for a few moments before forcing them to watch as her last few stubborn ashes swirled and orbited the center of her beautiful urn. One final tear dashed down his cheek as those ashes danced inside their protective chamber, fluttering and jumping in their attempts to grab onto the rim and join the others.
And then, with a final gust of wind to scour the pot and a renewed surge of life to cradle his Fluttershy to her final rest:
His little butterfly took flight.
“It’s because of me that she died,” Macintosh whimpered, the last vestiges of his courage sucked from his body as the wind took what heat he had left, stealing it from his skin and his breath as what hopes he'd stubbornly held on to were borne away with Fluttershy's departure.
But, unbeknownst to him, Rainbow Dash was smiling.
She was smiling, even now.
She had looked upon his face to find the glint of her friend’s eyes in each tear which remained locked upon his cheek, and when she'd placed her hoof upon his own to bring some warmth back into his limb she had seen his face grow a little brighter.
She had seen her dearest friend in every beat of those insects’ wings, each flap of their tiny limbs a miniature imitation of those victorious flights when Fluttershy's courage surpassed her timidity and granted Rainbow a glimpse of what eternally happy world she had locked away within her heart.
Rainbow had turned to her side and the space between herself and Macintosh to find Fluttershy right there beside them, gazing one final time on the stallion who had brought her from her self-imposed darkness and allowed her to make for herself a world which was far brighter and more full of life and love than their own.
She had raised herself up, placed her weight upon his shoulders, and had given her love one final kiss. She had pulled him close for as long as she could, her eyes sealed tight and her smile still cracking at the edges as she sealed those last few broken pieces of their hearts with her love as the mortar.
Rainbow could have sworn Macintosh's eyes had closed too.
She had turned to stroke Rainbow’s shoulder with her ephemeral hoof, every second of her imagined embrace one more second of the life they had shared together. Her smile was her assurance that Rainbow didn't need to look for her anymore, that she wasn't, nor could ever be missing...for she was right here.
She would always be right here.
She had watched her friend spread her wings and catch the wind, giving all of them a hidden smile and a little wink which only Rainbow could see... one only she would know about and remember for all of her days.
It was one last sign that everything would be alright, that there was nothing to fear in her passing.
A promise that they would all be together again someday.
“No, Big Macintosh,” Rainbow beamed, giving his shoulder a little stroke and a warm smile as their Fluttershy became a part of the world she loved.
