Friendship is Witchcraft: User Guide and Manuals

by Wilhelm

First published 29th of January, 2012

Friendship is Witchcraft manuals

Thank you for purchasing the latest group of units from our Friendship is Witchcraft series.
To avoid a painful death and the end of all life, we have provided a user guides and manuals for your safety. when using our products.
Yes I have Timpeni's permission.

SWEETIE BOT: User Guide and Manual (FIW)

SWEETIE BOT: USER GUIDE AND MANUAL.
Now with pictures.

Good news everyone, you've just purchased a SWEETIE BOT unit of your very own.
The SWEETIE BOT units are the perfect companion for users of all ages, but to ensure maxim fun levels please follow the advice in his Manual, failure to do so may result in the end of the world, you have been warned.

WARNING: This unit believes that she is a real pony, under no circumstances should she be informed otherwise, seriously don't, I warning you, just DON'T.

Name: She responds to Sweetie Belle or 'Best Sister'.

Age:Error Robots do not age, but she thinks that she is the same age as our APPLEBLOOM units, don't inform her otherwise.

Place of Manufacture: Unkown, but she believes that she is from Ponyville.

Height: Same Height as our APPLE BLOOM units.

Weight:For an Robot you would expect her to be heavy, no? Well no because she is actualy quite light.

Length: Quite short but she is a filly.

Eye colour: Why are you asking this, just look at her. May change when in Destroyer of worlds mode.

Your SWEETIE BOT unit comes with the following accessories:

One (1) Huggable sweater.

One (1) Clothes line to dry said sweater.

Two (2) Rolls of dumb Fabric.

One (1) Tub of Ice cream.

One (1) Pot of tacky Jelly.

And if you have the APPLE BLOOM and SCOOTALOO units:
One (1) Cutie mark acquisition program.

Programing
Your SWEETIE BOT unit is capable of doing the following:

Comforting Saddness: Your SWEETIE BELLE unit is capable of improving anyones mood by about 52% percent, so come on in, it doesn't matter what happened; Partner left you?, Sibling hates you? Unable to watch MLP FIM? Well just let SWEETIE BOT know and she'll be sure to set phasers to hug.

Adventurer:
Bored?, Loney?,Feel like giving up due to the fact you can't get on FIMFICTION?
We just activate Adventure mode and prepare for the most exicting day of you life.
See that toaster? Now it's a dancing frog, see that upturned basket? It's now a gaint hat. (Not as good as our RARITY unit version.)

Terminator:
What to have that pesky person removed? Or maybe you just feel evil? Then input the following code :*Codes cost extra. Once activated your SWEETIE BOT unit will become an unstoppable killing machine, that will not rest untill your opponents are a smouldering pile of ash.
Caution in Destroyer of worlds mode the unit may self active this function.

Removal of your SWEETIE BOT from it's packaging.
The SWEETIE BOT unit is usually one of our kinder models, providing you don't mention, you know what.
So to ensure that you don't become mounted above your own fireplace, please follow the methords below.

1. Place the tub of Ice cream on the floor and open it, upon hearing his your SWEETIE BOT unit will burst out of the packaging and procced to start eating the said Ice cream. Whatever you do, DO NOT eat the Ice cream before you have had a chance to ask her, as she will promptly beat you to death with your own arm.

2. Drop the pot of tacky jelly, this will cause her to jump out of her packaging and grab the jelly before it hits the floor, she will then procced to stare at you angrily, it is recommended not to provoke her futher as she may enter Destroyer of worlds mode.

3.If you have bought either the APPLE BLOOM or SCOOTALOO units then place them outside the box and shout: "The Snooty, Snarky Evaders." If done correctly then she should climb out of her box and begin playing with the other units.
We do not recomend this if you do not have the APPLE BLOOM or SCOOTALOO units and are not response able for any damaged caused by doing so.

Reprogramming

After unpacking your SWEETIE BOT unit you can reprogram her into any of the following modes:

Loving (Default)

Helpful (Default)

Rejected

Cutie Mark Acquirers

Joyfull

Philosophising

Destroyer of worlds (Locked)

Your SWEETIE BOT unit comes in both Loving and Helpful modes, in these modes she will attempt to assist you with anything that you need doing and constantly remind you that she 'loves you' (we would like to piont out that our robots are incapable of feeling true love.) and generally to improve your day. However if you are to ignore her affection then she may enter Rejected mode, were upon she will at first try to please you with gifts, but if this fails then she will enter a state of depression and start crying and start self punishment, it is advised that you stop this by hugging her, as this may damage your unit.

Cutie Mark Acquirers mode is activated by allowing your SWEETIE BOT unit to play with a APPLE BLOOM or SCOOTALOO unit, in this mode they will attempt to discover what there special talents are, 99.99% of the time his will end with low to mid range destruction of the near by area and them been covered by a large amount of tree sap.(Tree sap not included.) While in Cutie Mark Acquirers mode, your unit may also enter Joyfull mode, in this mode she will prance about and start to sign about random events that occur in her immediate vicinity. As well as been with a friend, this mode can also be achieved by been nice to her, or if that fails providing her with a large amount of icecream. Both of these modes will counter act the Rejected mode.

Philosophising mode can be brought about through the showing or telling as depressing events, eg: recent death in the family or a near by bus crash. This wil cause your SWEETIE BOT unit to start to lament over the futility of life and try to explain the meaning of life. (*Note your unit cannot figure out the meaning of life.) In this mode she will continue to give out philosophy to all that will listen, but the unit can be returned to default by following the instructions for Joyfull mode.

Your SWEETIE BOT unit's Destroyer of worlds mode has been locked due to the fact that it will end all known life.
We will not inform you have to start this mode, instead we will inform you how not to start it.
1. Do not anger her if you used methord 2 to get her out of her packaging.

2. Do not inform her that she is a robot, as this will cause her to see all other life as unworthy and start Destroyer of worlds mode.

3. Under no circumstances ever eat her icecream.

If you unit does enter this mode then contact use and we wil do our best to subdue to threat to all known life that you have unleashed, although we do not promise success.

Relationships with Other Units

APPLE BLOOM: Fellow Snooty, Snarky Evader, this unit is the primary friend of your SWEETIE BOT unit and they will always act nice togethor.

Scootaloo: The other memeber of the Snooty, Snarky Evaders, SCOOTALOO is regaurded highly by this unit despite the fact that her ideas have a 87.34% chance of failure.

RARITY: Your SWEETIE BOT unit believes her self to be the sister of the RARITY unit and will treat her accordingly, though they may not always see eye to eye, they will make up eventually.

Cleaning
Your unit is coated in a top secret coating that will prevent her from getting dirty.

Rest
Your unit requires no rest, though she may go to stand by mode when she isn't needed.

Power supply
Your unit is powered by a small nuclear fusion reactor that will keep her going for over 9000 years.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. Why is my SWEETIE BOT unit just sat there blinking at me?

A. Is any music been played, if so turn it off, this should solve the problem.

Q. Why is unit trying to kill me?

A. Sigh you ate her icecream didn't you?

Troubleshooting
Problem: Instead of a SWEETIE BOT unit, I recieved a calculator with a smile drawn on.

Solution: You seemed to have recieved a baby version of our SWEETIE BOT unit, please contact our main office to request a refund or exchange for a proper model.

Problem: My unit went to play with the APPLEBLOOM and SCOOTALOO units and during their play date they accessed my FIM fiction acount and now they keep looking at me with a glint in thier eye's.

Solution: They probaly read some Gridmark/Mature fics, in either case you should probaly find a safe place to hide, help is on the way.

Problem: My unit will not exit her packaging, I've tried all the methords and none work, what do I do?

Solution: Have you tried getting the APPLE BLOOM and SCOOTALOO units to eat the ice cream while you drop the tacky jelly?

End Notes:
Please take good care of your new found friend for life.
Credit for original idea goes to Timpeni.
Enjoy.

RARITY: USER GUIDE AND MANUAL (FIW)

RARITY: USER GUIDE AND MANUAL.

Good news everyone, you've just purchased a RARITY unit of your very own.
The RARITY units are not to be used by people under the age of 18, also refrain from setting off loud noises.
Failure to do so may result the lose of life or horrific injury.

Name: Rarity or Big sis.

Age: Unknown but the unit was old enough to serve in THE WAR.

Place of Manufacture: One of our many factories on the outskirts of Munich, but the unit believes itself to be from Ponyville.

Height: Larger then our APPLEBLOOM, SCOOTALOO and SWEETIEBOT units Same height as a real life pony.

Weight: Not as thin as she was during the war years.

Length: Longer than our SWEETIE BOT units but shorter than our TREE units.

Eye colour: Normaly blue but may possibly change when using contacts.

Your RARITY unit comes with the following accessories:

One(1) Self hugging sweater.

Six(6) Giant Hats.

One(1) Chest of war memories.

One(1) Old war hat.

One(1) Set of contacts.

One(1) metric ton of Smooze goo.

And if you have the FLUTTERSHY unit:

One(1) holy book of Lord Smooze.

One(1) Dead Racoon in a chest.

Programing.

Your RARITY unit is capable of doing the following:

Acting:
Have a long winded drama part to learn? Or maybe you want to put on an amateur production of Macbeth?
Well have no fear, you RARITY unit is able to play any role, any place, any time.
She can even act out Fanfics, if you know what I mean.

Spying:
Need some infomation?, maybe a bank code, or maybe the password to the accounts of the Hasbro brass in-charge of names and political correctness?
Normaly you would need years of training and complex programs but not with our RARITY units.
Due to our programing, our RARITY units are heavily skilled espionage and are able to hack any code and using her special 'talents' can get any infomation.
Just give her an order and the infomation is as good as yours.
*Note, we are not responsible for any witchtrails or lychings that take place due to the use of stolen infomation.

Creating hats:
Have you ever been about to run a marathon or maybe about to have a conference with the head a Hasbro, and you've noticed that your outfit is missing something?
And then you realise what, a giant hat!
Well have no fear, our RARITY units are capable of creating stylish hats out of anything, from a pair of curtains, to your tears, anything can be a hat.

Removal of your RARITY unit from it's packaging
Unlike it's sister the RARITY units can have a temper, So to ensure that you don't become a toaster cosy, please follow the methords below.

1. Drop a giant hat, in front of the units packaging, the RARITY units can not stand hats getting dirty and will burst out to save the said hat. If the hat gets dirty then the unit may enter Depressed mode.

2.Play a large amount of loud battlefield music,(eg:Machine gun fire, explosions, shouts in angry german.)
This will cause your RARITY units to enter Flashback mode, to remove this, please look at relevent infomation below.
*Note:Their is a 78.54% chance that the unit will instead enter SHELL SHOCKED mode, to change this, see the infomation below. So this is not recommended.

3.If You bought our one of our SWEETIE BOT units then place the SWEETIE BOT unit in front of the RARITY units packaging and tell her that her sister is inside, this will cause the SWEETIE BOT unit to start to sing and shout,""I LOVE YOU.". This will cause the RARITY units to exit her packaging in order to see what her sister is doing.
If you do not own a SWEETIE BOT unit then you could try imitating the SWEETIE BOT unit, but be warned, this may cause your RARITY unit to identify you as her sister and surgically and mentally alter you to be what she thinks is normal.
This will lead to you be turned into a small female unicorn and the physiological programing that she will undertake will cause you to lose all free will as the SWEETIE BOT personality takes over.
So yeah, don't try it, we lost a lot of pre-testers that way, had to be put down, the lot of them but alwell, I'm sure that it improved science... somehow.

4. If you purchased a FLUTTERSHY, (not the normal version) then place her infront of your RARITY unit's packaging, the mere presence of the head of the cult will cause your RARITY unit to burst out and start worshipping you FLUTTERSHY unit, if you do not own a FLUTTERSHY unit and try this, the the results will be much the same as the method above, just replace small female unicorn with female adult pegasus and SWEETIE BOT with FLUTTERSHY.

Reprogramming

After unpacking your RARITY unit you can reprogram her into any of the following modes:

Ignorant (Default)

Religious(Default)

Loving sister

Depressed

Flashback

Shellshocked

Homicidal maniac (Locked)

Your RARITY unit comes in both Ignorant and Religous modes as default, in these modes she will ignore you most of the time, to attend to her own needs,(mainly creating a large amount of shines to Lord Smooze) once this are done she may pay attention to you. If you are were to help her in these endeavours then she may enter Loving sister mode where she will; play games with you, help you with homework and protect you from harm.
*Note, making her think that you are SWEETIE BOT will also cause her to enter Loving sister mode but it is not recommended due to the results shown earlier.

Depressed mode is activated by rejecting the unit when she is in Loving sister mode or if you run out of Smooze goo.
In this mode the unit will face the floor and cry nonestop while muttering I'm sorry, the only cure for this is to hug her untill she feels better.
The unit will also enter this mode on Veterans day, expect then she will be much worse.

Flashback mode is entered by using method two to get your unit out of its packaging. In this mode your unit will regain access of all locked files from THE WAR.
This will ethier cause her to enter Depressed mode, Shellshocked mode or Homicidal maniac mode.
In Shellshocked mode your unit will lay in the foetal position while crying and will flinch at any loud noises, exercise extreme caution when she is in this mode, there is no cure except for a full memory wipe.

If you leave your unit in Shellshocked mode then she may enter Homicidal maniac mode, it which case she will start to kill indiscriminately, for her interneal clock would have reset it's self back to the time when she was in THE WAR.
If this occurs, well... tell her to stay out of the fatherland otherwise she's is dead, unfortunately our protective security teams are only allowed to be used in Germany, so if your not here... well to quote Zecora "Your doomed."

Relationships with Other Units.

SWEETIE BOT
This is your units sister and will treat her accordingly, though they may not always see eye to eye, they will make up eventually.

FLUTTERSHY
Your unit is part of the cult that FLUTTERSHY leads, and thus she will follow she anywhere.

APPLEJACK
Fellow verteran of THE WAR but you RARITY unit does not trust the APPLEJACK units for been a 'war criminal.'

Cleaning
Unlike the SWEETIE BOT units, this unit is covered with realistic fur and thus will need to be washed once a day, you can wash her but you should probaly ask her first.

Rest
Your unit has a realistic sleep cycle and thus requires 8 hours of sleep.

Power source
Your unit is powered by a small nuclear fusion reactor that will keep her going for over 9000 years, as do all our models.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. Why is my RARITY unit just sat there staring at me lustfully?

A. Run, she's in heat, don't wonder how, just run.

Q. Help my unit is trying to kill me, what do I do?

A. Head for Berlin.

Troubleshooting
Problem: Instead of a RARITY unit, I recieved a colt.

Solution: You seemed to have recieved a male of our RARITY unit, please contact our main office to request a refund or exchange for a proper model.

Problem: My unit went to pray with the FLUTTERSHSY unit now they keep looking at me with a glint in their eye's.

Solution: Run, get to Germany as fast as possible.

Problem: My unit keeps trying to hump me, what do I do?

Solution: This is a problem?

End Notes:
Please take good care of your new found friend for life.
Credit for original idea goes to Timpeni.
Enjoy.