The Edge
Let me ask you something. Why are you reading this? What purpose does it serve you, other than fuel your pathetic little brain with some sort of stimuli that tells you you're reading something that isn't real? Does it perhaps make you feel better to know that your life is far superior to mine in every conceivable way? Maybe you know who I am, and just enjoy my suffering?
Or perhaps you're in the same situation as I am. Honestly, I hope you are, even though I would never wish this upon anypony, at least you would understand me.
Who am I, you may ask? Nopony in particular. Don't believe me? Want to know my name? I... I couldn't tell you my name. All you need to know is that I'm just a normal Earth Pony with a mediocre life, mediocre job at the Sugar Cube Corner with a mediocre pay and mediocre friends. All around mediocre shit and nothing exiting.
So let's get one thing straight; you don't know me, I don't know you. Let's keep it at that, and everypony will be happy. Just fine and dandy, with a cup of tea and a biscuit between your lips. Sounds good, yes? Well, fuck you then. Fuck your tea and fuck your biscuit. Fuck you and everypony, I...
I apologize. I tend to wander off track nowadays. I'm usually a nice guy, but lately... That's changed. I've changed. Hell, not just me; all of Ponyville has changed. And not for the better, I'm afraid. Used to be this town was lively, happy and cheerful. Now it's empty, quiet and grey. Want to know why? I'm about to tell you.
There's nothing more important in my life than my son. Nothing. He turned seven last month, and I'll never forget his face when he blew out the candles on his cake. His eyes beamed and he almost chocked up laughing as Pinkie bounced up from her place under the table. I'll never understand that, how she seemed to have freaking springs or something in her hooves. She rarely walked or trotted; she always bounced and skipped.
Anyway, she burst her head straight through the cake in typical Pinkie-fashion, causing bits of cake and pastry to fly across the room. My son didn't mind though, he just laughed even more as a rather large piece of cake hit him straight in the face. He just licked it off happily, giggling even more as Pinkie put down a new cake on the table in front of him, swallowing down a few pieces of the other demolished cake as she did. Again, I'll never understand Pinkie. Not her bouncing and absolutely not how the hay she can just seem to conjure up things from thin air, like the cake.
But to tell you the truth, I didn't care. She made my son happy on that special day, and that made me happy. Sure, her hyperactive behavior was sometimes enough to make anypony want to twist their head of their own neck, but we all loved her anyway. Her randomness could really get on your nerves, but without that randomness and hyperactive shit, she wouldn't have been the same mare.
After the cake came presents. It was the usual, dozens of toys and games. I do spoil my son, why shouldn't I? Being the only parent, he at least needs something. Even though I know materialistic things can't replace a mother or father; I just wanted him to be happy. And he had Pinkie, the closest thing to a mother he could get. That little kid sure did love her, and she loved him right back. As I think about that... I really wish I could have done the same.
Pinkie was a single mother, just like I was a single father. Her daughter was three at the time, but still got to join in on my son’s birthday party. She sat to his left on the table in a special chair made for her. Now, most foals need special chairs to eat off of, sure, but being the daughter of Pinkie, she shared some of her characteristics. Namely; she bounced around just like her mother. And therefor, the chair needed some extra modifications to prevent her from just bouncing up and falling head-first into the floor.
She laughed with my son at Pinkie's antics of course, loving every minute of it. Her face was so puffy and cute; every time I saw her I felt my heart melt. She had a pink coat and mane, just like her mother, though with a slight variation in strength and saturation. And she had those small little eyes that looked like pinheads and a constant smile over her lips. I think I loved that bouncing little baby almost as much as I loved my son.
But as always, everything good has to come to an end, and so did the party. After I've given my son the main present; something he'd wanted for such a long time, Pinkie's daughter started crying. Again, being the daughter of a pink pony that seemed to defy the laws of the universe, the foal didn't cry like a normal child would. Instead of the tears dripping slowly out of her eyes, they shot outwards in a perfect arc, like waterfalls flowing out of her eyes. How she and Pinkie managed to cry like that is a mystery.
As my son was pretty much almost crying himself, though out of joy, the pink foal had dropped her precious stuffed animal on the floor, which caused this river of tears to start. I quickly got up and picked up the animal; a stuffed version of an alicorn that Pinkie's friend Rarity had given her on her first birthday. And wouldn't you know it, the moment she got her alicorn back, she stopped crying. The waterfalls of tears stopped and seemed to hover in the air for a few seconds before it all splashed to the floor simultaneously.
Back to my son. He was crying out of joy at this moment, having been given tickets to see the Wonderbolts perform. I've never seen him so happy, not even Pinkie's daughter's crying made him any less joyful, and he almost bounced as much as Pinkie herself. He jumped out of his seat and threw himself upon me, hugging me hard. I hugged him back, feeling his tiny heart beat as fast as a... Well, I don’t know what, but rest assured, it beat fast, fueled on by his happiness.
The next thing that happened caught me completely by surprise and I think my heart skipped a beat or two. Maybe even five. it may sound like a cliché, but as I held my son, he whispered into my ear a few select words. That was the first and only time my son said he loved me. I was too surprised by his words to have time to answer, and once I opened my mouth to speak he'd already let go of me and thrown himself into Pinkie's arms instead, hugging her the same way.
Pinkie later told me he'd called her mom during that hug.
He then ran off through the front door, ignoring my calls for him. No doubt, he had to show his friends the tickets. Me and Pinkie got up from our seats and hurried towards the door together to see where he was going. We accidentally bumped into each other on the way, resulting in the both of us falling to the floor. And of course, we ended up in a somewhat awkward position due to me trying to break her fall. We both giggled as she rolled off of me, but I could see something in her eyes that split second she looked down on me, something I've never seen there before. Longing.
That short moment on the floor with the pink mare on top of me, her hyperactive facade seemed to give way for just a fraction of a second, and her true feelings came forth.
Her loneliness and sadness.
But there was nothing I could do about it, I didn't feel ready for a relationship yet. The one we already had was... Complicated. We weren't a couple, but still more than friends. It's kind of hard to explain, but I guess the closest way I could describe it would be... Parents that love each other and their children, but not the same way. Not love as in a married couple, but love as in belonging. I don't know, I hope you understand. We loved each other deeply, but not in that way. At least, so I think.
When we finally got up from the floor and looked out through the door, we came just in time to see my son run into Rarity. Without warning, he jumped her as well and wrapped his forelegs around her neck. Rarity looked as surprised as me and Pinkie and just tensed up, causing the foal to almost spin around her neck completely and land on her back.
He managed to stop himself before that though, and just hugged the unicorn. She looked across the street at out smiling faces, and then returned his embrace.
I couldn't really make out what my son said to her, but I could hear the words "dad" and "tickets". With that in mind, it became obvious what he said to her, and after a few seconds he let go of her and ran off down the street. The three of us followed him with our eyes as he ran towards a small group of colts that he used to hang out with. Then Rarity turned her gaze towards us.
"I've never seen a happier colt." She said with a smile. "He really loves the Wonderbolts, doesn't he?"
"Adores them." I answered. "But if you came for the party, I'm afraid you missed it."
Rarity's face changed a bit, her smile shrinking somewhat, her eyebrows lowering. "Oh..." She said in a sad tone. "Well, I just came by to get Sweetie Belle back home, we're supposed to go to Canterlot today and-"
"Sorry, Sweetie wasn't at the party." I quickly said to her.
"She... wasn't?"
Before either I or Pinkie had time to answer, Rarity galloped off down the street. At the time, I didn't really worry about it, thinking Sweetie Belle was just out with her friends, trying to get their cutie marks. Looking back though, I understand what had happened. If only I knew then, maybe it could have been stopped.
Sweetie Belle was the first. Her friends followed later.
Sometimes I wish I'd never met Pinkie or her daughter. Sometimes I wish I'd never had a son. Without these three important ponies in my life, perhaps it would have been different. No strings can be brutally severed if there's no love to loose. The week following my son’s birthday, Sweetie Belle still hadn’t been found, and Rarity was pretty much just a broken mess. Pinkie did all she could to cheer her up, but nothing worked. She refused to give up though; not even when Rarity snapped and hit her straight across the face to shut her up. I had to pull Pinkie away myself to get her to leave the poor mare alone. As I pulled her away in her tail, she still played a fucking trombone in hopes of cheering Rarity up.
She's a stubborn mare, at least when it comes to making other ponies happy. Sadly, it was impossible to make Rarity happy again; some said she was already gone. Not physically, but mentally. That she trapped herself inside her mind and refused to come out again. I can't say I blame her. If she found out about what I've learned these last few days, it's no surprise she did what she did.
Exactly one week after Sweetie's disappearance, the residents of Ponyville were awoken early by the distressed calls of a mare. She ran across town in a frenzy, screaming and shouting at the top of her lungs. She kept on all day until she collapsed from exhaustion. I helped her older brother carry her back home. I'm sure I'm not the only pony that will never forget her frenzied, almost rabid cries after her younger sister. Her southern accent only made her shouting all the more terrifying to hear. I've never seen Applejack behave the way she did on that day.
Applebloom was the second. More would follow.
I put down a few cupcakes on top of the package containing a bigger cake down into the paper bag on the counter. Counted the price in my mind and looked at the stallion on the other side of the counter. "That'll be.. 25 bits." I explained to him and opened the cash register. The stallion rummaged through his saddlebags, but his face changed as he realized he didn't have enough money to pay for the treats.
For a few seconds, I was thinking I could just remove the cupcakes from his order, but then I looked into his eyes. And I saw. I saw the same sadness and dread that I’d seen in Rarity's eyes when I and Pinkie left her. The moment I saw those eyes, I knew. He'd lost somepony too.
I cleared my throat before talking. "I, um... Look, just take it, all right?" I slammed the cash register shut with a hoof, pushing the paper bag across the counter with the other. "Forget the pay, just... Just take it."
He didn’t say anything, he just clamped his teeth around the top of the bag and lifted it off of the counter. "I... I hope they find them." I whispered as he turned around to head out.
"Thanks." he responded, his voice muffled behind the bag in his mouth. He then quickly trotted out through the door without saying a word.
I let out a deep sigh and turned around to head into the kitchen. Neither Sweetie Belle nor Applebloom had been found. Since then, one foal seemed to disappear each week, every Friday. The ponies that had lost their fillies or colts seemed to disappear as well, barring themselves off from the outside world. It was strange; I'd imagined most parents would search more for their children. But these, they just... gave up.
Maybe they understood how pointless it was to try to find them.
My job at Sugar Cube corner was an easy one; just take care of the cash when Mr. and Mrs. Cake weren’t around. I couldn't bake for shit and still can't, so trying that was out of the picture. Money though, I knew how to handle. This particular day had been easy, and there hadn't been too many orders. The families in town probably didn't want to eat anything right now. Several hours earlier, Pinkie had already baked everything we might have needed through the day, and I just took care of the store while she rested with her daughter upstairs.
Now, I have to admit, things between us had changed since Sweetie Belle disappeared. I'm not sure what caused it, maybe that split second where she fell on top of me, or maybe it was the sudden sadness that had struck the town, but she acted different. More... How should I put it...? Clingy? I don't know, that sounds bad. What it means though is that she became much more attached to me it seems; always being as close as she could, always looking after me, following me. Hell, she even hugged me all the time. And I mean all the time.
And then eventually, she snuck a kiss into one of those hugs. But that was basically it. Like some sort of silent agreement, we never went any further than that. I'm thinking now that maybe she was worried about her own daughter of my son. Worried about something happening to them. Perhaps she could feel it coming.
"Pinkie? You awake?" I called out to her from the bottom of the stairs. Her voice answered, though it was muffled and I couldn’t really hear what she said. "Listen, I'm going out for just a little while, I need to head to the market and pick up some stuff. Okay?"
Again, a muffled response. I took that as approval, and quickly headed for the door. As I stepped outside, the chill in the autumn air hit my lungs like thick smoke, and I instantly started to cough as I trotted down the street towards the market in the middle of town. The streets where empty, the usual bubbliness and sound of ponies all but gone. The skies above my head had been covered in gray clouds, further enhancing the image of sorrow and sadness. Everywhere one looked, gray and black met one’s eyes. The colors of the town seemed to have been sucked right out of existence.
As I came closer to the town square, a thought crept into my mind. My father passed away when I was very young. I was at his side as he drew his last breaths, but I didn't cry. I wanted for him to see me as a strong colt, not a crying little foal. Now I realize that perhaps I should have cried instead. Just before he died, my father whispered a few last words.
"Nothing but your own shadow walks with you." He'd said. "Remember that, son. Nothing but your shadow." He then closed his eyes and drifted off into eternal slumber.
To this day, I still don't know what he meant by that. Maybe it was metaphoric, maybe he was just rambling in his dying moment, I don't know. But as I walked through town, those words popped up in my head. I looked down for a moment, and was greeted by my own shadow, looking back at me from the ground. On that day, I think my shadow did walk with me, literally. It followed me to the square and back to the store, where it wrapped its cold arms around me and refused to let go.
Raised voices reached my ears as I rounded a corner and finally emerged into the square. The scene in front of me looked like what I've seen several times before, but something was off about this one. In the middle of the square stood the large tower that served as town hall, and on the stairs leading up to the entrance, with her back against the door, was Mayor Mare. In front of her, a large group of ponies had gathered, and it looked like the mayor was about to give a speech or something, like she did with the Winter Wrap-up or anything similar. Business as usual, one might have thought.
But it was everything but usual.
Mare looked to be in utter distress, backed up against the door as the ponies surrounding her shouted profanities and demands at her. Despite her attempts to calm the crowd down, they only grew more agitated, moving as a single organism towards her. Some of them seemed to be driven by desperation and fear, others; complete rage and anger. And at the peak of the angry mob, I could see a mare I recognized all too well, her purple mane which she cared so much for shredded and filthy, her horn sending out sparks at random.
"What have you done with Sweetie Belle?!" Rarity shouted at the mayor with a voice distorted by tears and fear. "Where's my little sister?!"
"I... I haven't done anything, I swear..." The mayor stuttered in response. Rarity's horn flared up even brighter at her words.
"Lies!" Another voice shouted from the crowd, one with a southern accent. The crowd parted as Applejack rushed up the stairs and took her place behind Rarity. Despite the fact that I was pretty far away from the crowd, even I could see that her entire body trembled out of anger.
"Why would I ever want to hurt your foals?" The mayor said in her defense.
I figured that she of course wasn't lying, she would never hurt anypony. I'm guessing the pent up anger from the ponies in town just needed to get out, and they were willing to blame anypony for their pain. As it where, Mare had become their target, and whatever she said, they wouldn't listen. It was easier to just point hooves and put the blame on anypony rather than accepting the truth.
"Please Mayor, they just want their sisters back..." A worried voice echoed from somewhere inside the crowd. "Why can't you just tell them where they are?"
"Because I don't know that any more than you do!" The mayor shouted back at the unknown pony in the crowd. "I wish I could tell you, but I can’t."
Finally, the built up emotions couldn't be held back anymore. The crowd gasped as light blue aura of magic surrounded the mayor. She tried to back away but hit the door behind her. In desperation, she darted off to the left to try and escape, but Rarity's magic stopped her, causing her to fall forwards into the ground. Slowly but surely, Rarity dragged the mayor back to them, while she tried to crawl away, squirmed and panted in her attempts to flee.
"This mare has lied to us!" Rarity shouted to the crowd, almost in a chanting tone. "She took our foals away, and now she tries to act innocent. We won't accept this!"
The crowd answered instantly with angered cheering. I don't know how it was so easy for Rarity to convince them; maybe she'd been urging them on earlier, or her chanting voice gave them confidence. Either way, they ponies had no hesitation as Rarity levitated the mare into the air and dropped her down in the thick of the crowd. The moment she landed, they were on her like rabid dogs fighting about a piece of meat. They all shouted and spouted profanities at the mayor who still tried to crawl away. They stomped their hooves down upon her, kicked her, bit her, spat on her. Everything one could imagine, they carried out.
I guess anger takes on many shapes.
But never once did the mayor scream or even whimper. She remained silent as the ponies took out their frustration on her. She even kept a straight face, even though I imagine the pain must've been immensely strong.
And then it happened. The one thing I dreaded.
The mayor stood up as the barrage of violence directed towards her stopped momentarily. Her voice trembled as she spoke to the ponies around her. "I would... Never hurt your foals..."
Somehow, somewhere in the crowd, the distinct gleam of metal reached my eyes for a split second. A moment later, a sound I'll never forget filled the air. I can't explain it, it... Imagine the sound of a knife cutting through a watermelon, or even worse; rhubarb. A sickening, ripping sound with an undertone of wetness. Then the screaming began as a stallion withdrew the knife he'd plunged into Mayor Mare's side. Blood dripped from her wound, and again, I have to draw a likeness to rabid dogs. The blood seemed to urge the crowd even more, and they threw themselves upon the bleeding mare.
Maybe the injury made it all a reality for them, a signal to move in for the kill.
At this point, I turned around and ran away from the crowd. Not only was I scared shitless, I was afraid they might do the same to anypony else that got in their way. I hurried back to Sugar Cube corner, ready to get Pinkie and the foals out of there as quickly as possible. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to any of them. And I still haven't.
I burst through the door, shouting the moment I did. "Pinkie!" But the shop was eerily quiet. I hurried to the stairs. "Pinkie! Come on down quickly, we have to go, we-!"
Nothing but silence met my calls. My shadow moved in and wrapped its arms around me in an icy embrace.
I made my way up the stairs and hurried towards her room. I knocked on her door and waited. Still no response, not a single sound. "Pinkie..?" I whispered. Then I slowly opened the door. Inside, the room was pitch black. The light from the hallway shone in through the door, casting its orange light on her bed, and Pinkie herself. She was sitting on the bed, her back against me. For a moment I was relieved to see her, but then I noticed her mane.
It was flat. Not the usual puffy cotton candy-like mane it always was. It looked as if she'd been in water, and her mane lay flat and slick against her neck and shoulders. For a moment, I couldn't help but think of various scenarios that might have happened to her. But then I stepped inside and reached out at her. I couldn't help it; it just came out of me. I realize now that what I said to her was the truth and came from the bottom of my heart, but at the time I just couldn't think straight enough to understand it.
It just came, I couldn't stop myself. I placed my hoof on her shoulder and whispered to her. "... What's wrong..?" No answer. "Hey, what's wrong, honey-"
I wish I'd said something like that sooner. Sure, it's only one small word, but it projected so many feelings at once. Then again, if I had told her earlier, all of this would probably have been worse to cope with.
"I can see her smile." Pinkie suddenly whispered, her voice surprisingly steady, but empty of the usual spring of happiness.
"What do mean..?" I asked cautiously. That's when I noticed her holding something in her hooves. "What's that you got there..?"
Slowly, she turned to face me, and I saw once again. The sadness. The dread. What I'd seen in the eyes of Rarity, then the stallion, I now saw in the eyes of my Pinkie. I couldn't think clearly as I looked down on her hooves. In them rested a small blanket, the red blanket I gave her daughter. Wrapped in it; the stuffed alicorn.
"... She's gone..." Pinkie whispered, her eyes watering up. "Why is she gone?"
I think my heart stopped beating at this point. I don't know if it has started beating again yet. I quickly got up from the bed and hurried to the door. "Ju-wai.. Just stay here, I'llbebackinafewseconds!" I said with a blurry voice and ran out in the hallway and darted towards the foals room. Not wasting any time, I pushed the door open and ran straight for her crib.
I screamed in fear. Or at least, I think I did, I don't really remember. I just remember seeing the crib empty, remember understanding what had happened. Remember leaning down over the crib and holding it, almost as if that would bring her back. It wasn't my child, but I loved her and didn't want to lose her. In fact, not even Pinkie knew who the father was. I guess that might be the price for being known as Ponyville's #1 party-pony. Whoever the father was, I didn't care, and neither did Pinkie. I had become her father, and was hoping to remain just that. She was my daughter, simple as that. I loved her no matter what.
But you know what the worst thing is? It's not that I've lost my daughter, or that my world is in ruin. The worst part is that despite my tremendous love for her... I can't even remember her name anymore. It's like it’s been wiped from my mind. I'm so sorry, Pinkie... I'm so sorry I forgot her...
Did I scream? I don't remember.
The next thing I remember is being back with Pinkie. She was still holding the blanket and stuffed animal in her hooves, her body shaking slightly. I sat next to her and held her as we both cried over her lost foal. Just like Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, Scootaloo, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Twist, and the countless other foals I can't recall. Gone without a trace.
"She's..." Pinkie suddenly said quietly. "... I can feel her."
"What do mean?" I asked her. But by now, I know what she meant.
"I can feel her, she's here!" Pinkie burst out and stood up on all fours. "There, I see her!" I stood confused as she directed a shivering hoof towards the mirror on the other side of the room.
Then I got up from the bed and cautiously walked up to the mirror, focusing my eyes on it. I couldn't see anything except myself and Pinkie behind me, still pointing at the sheet of glass. I could still see the dread reflect in her eyes. But nothing else. No foal. "Pinkie, I... I don't see anything?" My shadow tightened its grip on me.
"She IS there!" Pinkie insisted. Then she gasped loudly and shouted. "Look! There she is!"
I turned my face back to the mirror. If my heart had stopped earlier, I'm pretty sure that what I saw made it kick back into gear, just so that it could stop yet again. I couldn't breathe as a small hoof print materialized on the mirror. My mind went black as I reached my hoof up and placed it against the one in the mirror, and instantly, I felt her, felt Pinkie's daughter. She was there, she really was. I turned my eyes to Pinkie's reflection and spoke to her.
"You're right... She's here."
Pinkie didn't respond. I watched her reflection, and she didn't move, still looking in awe at the mirror with her hoof stretched out. Maybe it was too much for her to take, I thought.
I turned around to her, ready to hold her and comfort her. But there was no Pinkie on the bed. The pink mare had disappeared, not even leaving any traces or folds on the bed sheet.
Decided to turn back to the mirror, and she was there, on the bed, looking at me. But instead, my own reflection was gone.
It became too much for me to take, and I screamed at the top of my lungs. Instinctively I backed away from the mirror, only to trip backwards over the bed. As I fell, I'm sure I heard Pinkie's happy laughter.
Today is the day me and my son should have gone to see the Wonderbolts. Pinkie and her daughter would have been with us, and it would have been a great day. My son should've been happy, and Pinkie should've bounced around in her typical way, maybe cause some annoyance from the ponies around us, but nonetheless bring smiles to the faces of our foals. And that's all that matters, their happiness. But their all gone.
Pinkie Pie. Her daughter. My son.
And I can't remember their names, only Pinkie...
Once I came back from Sugar Cube corner, I couldn't find him. I screamed, I yelled, I shouted, but he was nowhere to be found. My son is gone. But I understand what Pinkie meant by saying that she could feel her. I can feel my son. All the time. He may be gone without a trace, erased from the face of the earth, but he's still... here. I can't see him, but I know he can see me, and hear me. He's trapped beyond my grasp, probably scared out of his mind, and his father can't do anything to help him...
I still don't have a reflection in the mirror. I still can't see myself. What’s even more strange, the mirrors have... changed. Whenever I look into them, I see my surroundings... the way they should look. Not mirrored, not reversed. They look normal, and so do my side of the mirror. I... I don't understand any of it. I don't know what to do, I just want them back... I don't know how much more I can cry.
Yesterday, I saw my boy. Or not saw as seeing him, but I... talked to him, in a way. I was in the bathroom, staring into the mirror trying desperately to see something, anything.
I whispered his name, told him I wanted him back. And again, I felt it. My son's presence in the room. He was there, he heard me, and he saw me. And then I saw him. Something appeared on the mirror in front of me. a thin layer of fog materialized, as if somepony breathed upon it. I tried touching it, but nothing happened. It was on the inside, not my side.
Then letters started to appear. I know now that it was my son writing to me, I... He talked to me. For what felt like minutes, he spelled out one single word on the mirror.
DADDY
I'm sure he's here, and he's all right. I just hope Pinkie is with him.
He's gone, but he's still… here. I can feel him near me, in the room. He's watching me, forced to watch his own father's tears and sadness. I can't see him, but I can feel his sadness as well. I so desperately want to hold him and tell him everything's fine.
That's what a father does; he protects his foals no matter what.
I want to hold him. But he's gone.
I still stare at the word on the mirror in front of me as it slowly fades away. Tears build up in my eyes.
Pinkie Pie. Her happy smile and crazy antics always brought a smile to my face. I couldn't ask for a better mare.
Her beautiful daughter, with her puffy cheeks and cute little eyes. Cradling her stuffed alicorn. I couldn't ask for a better daughter.
And my son. The biggest pride and joy in my life. The Wonderbolts-loving little stallion with a contagious laugh. I couldn't ask for a better son.
I couldn't ask for a better family. If only I'd realized that sooner.
I only wish I'd told them how much I loved them all.