Chapter 1
"Hey hey hey, you mind hurryin' it up? These muscles can't stay luscious if I have to keep them stiff for so long, you know?"
"Don't be impatient now, darling, true art takes time to mature, you know.”
Sweetie Belle could only watch in fascination while her older sister measured the odd, large creature, a stranger who had arrived sometime prior. Her tapes ran over the hulking muscles of the bipedal creature, while he could only pout, wiggly his fingers every now and then in protest.
Ultimate power, was at its core, Bizarre. When Cars, leader of a primordial race of beings who had gained absolute power over evolution was defeated by the massive energy Joseph Joestar fed the Red Stone of Aja, that same power ripped open a rift in space-time. Joseph's replacement hand for the one that had melted off in the battle prior came in from the future, while he was blown into a space far away from his home. Now separated from his kin, but content in knowing that they are safe, Joseph had found other talents to occupy him in Equestria.
"Hey, Mister Joseph! Could you show me that ham-uh, hum, uh, sunlight thingy again after this?"
Sweetie Belle had seen a display of Joseph's powers before, and wanted to have another view. Maybe she'd get her cutie mark in sunlight making! Maybe.
"Sweetie, please. Mister Joestar here can't afford to get any scratches on himself before the fashion show. He will need to relax for the following few days."
"Yeah, see? Your sister agrees, I need to take it easy or I won't look good, yeah? Maybe if you want to help us, you mind fetching me some comics to, uh, help me relax? You want your sister to have a good fashion show, don't you?"
As Rarity moved to the back room to get cloth, Joseph afforded himself a stretch. He would have a good few days ahead. No training from that hellish woman, good sun, it was the life-
"EEEEEEEEEEEK! HELP! SOMEPONY!"
A bursting noise could be heard from the back room, and Rarity's cries seemed to fade as she yelled. Joseph and Sweetie both rushed there, only to find a large hole in the wall, with Rarity being carried away by a grey, furred creature, who ran on two legs just like Joseph.
"Oh no, it's the Diamond Dogs! I think they want Rarity to find gems for them! And it looks like they're going off into the Rambling Rock Ridge!
Sweetie's fearful face was in stark contrast to Joseph's angry one.
"Bastards! Are they trying to make me work hard even after I saved my world?"
"Mister Joseph, please, you have to save her! I'll help you out! Here, you can have my Cutie Mark Crusader saddlebag! It's full of useful stuff!"
"Yeah, thanks, kid! Looks like I need to go after them now! Take care of the wall for me!"
Putting his massive arm through the foal-sized bag straps, Joseph ran after the Diamond Dogs, taking care not to damage the wall even further by remembering to go through the door, of which the doorway had already been broken by him, making it easier for it to come up.
Somewhat thankful he had not much time to relax as much as he had hoped ever since his battle with Cars, Joseph ran past a forest and eventually, after an hour, made it to a strip of badlands, mounds of loose soil suggesting some sort of digging activity. As he looked into the distance, he caught sight of not only Rarity, but a few other mares being made to pull carts of gems, watched by bipedal, grey dogs, slightly smaller than his size.
"Right... I wonder what Sweetie put into her backpack?" With a finger, Joseph easily pulled the saddlebags open, carefully looking through the contents.
>CUTIE MARK CRUSAYDER CHARTER
>[TOP SECRET] CUTIE MARK CRUSADER SEKRET HOOFSHAKE
>CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SCHOOL KOMEDY ACT
"W-what's all this?" Joseph could only mouth to himself incredulously as he scanned through the saddlebag of useful things and documents. Eventually, though, he found himself with some workable materials.
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"Alright, pony, move in! Let's see those gems...."
The mare's face was frozen in a mixture of disgust and terror, as the large Diamond Dog guarding the entrance to their base looked all over her load of gems closely. She was the last pony in the line to enter right now, and had already seen enough of the others to know what the large Diamond Dogs smelt like.
"Heh heh heh. Cleared! You can go in! Next!"
"Hey, boys. I'm afraid I only have one gem right now so could I go in and take a cart so I can get more?"
"This disguise is perfect!" thought Joseph, as he crawled on all fours with a paper cone stuck into his hair. If the picture he pasted onto his pants didn't do enough to convince them, the yarn he covered his exposed arms and legs with would! It was flawless, all he needed to do was give the dogs the gem-
"Freeze!"
Both Diamond Dogs visibly trembled as their held their spears at Joseph, who immediately relented and stood up, putting his hands up. He gritted his teeth, shocked that his master plan could fail so easily.
"You dogs are an impressive bunch, just like those damn Nazis! How did you see through my disguise?"
They moved their spears closer.
"Don't act dumb! That gem you're holding is too smooth to be handled with a hoof! If you're a pony, why aren't you levitating it, huh?"
Joseph chuckled, a little relieved that the dogs had more appreciation for his hard work.
"Oh, I get it. You want to see magic, huh? Why don't you see what else is in my hands?"
Before the dogs even got to see his hand, Joseph breathed deep, charging a hamon ripple through it. The moment he opened his hand, strands of yarn, sharpened by the ripple and charged with energy not unlike sunlight, flew out and struck the dogs in their faces, knocking them out from the surge.
"Man, can't say I ever thought I'd be using my training to save a lady just so I can get a fashion show done on time." Realising that his disguise would be incomplete as a free pony in the base, Joseph opted to instead take the large Dog's armour, barely managing to fit it over his clothes.
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"What do you ruffians want from me?"
Rarity was in a pit, alone with a few dogs while other ponies pulled carts around the caverns, driven by the larger Diamond Dogs. Judging from all the tunnels leading from her, it was the center of their base.
"Search for gems again, pony! And we discovered the perfect thing to help keep you nice and quiet!"
The lead Diamond Dog revealed his menacing secret - a piece of cloth, which he proceeded to tie around Rarity's jaw so she couldn't move them."
"MMmmmppphpphhMHMMMMMHHmmmmph!"
"You'll get to talk once you get us some gems! Two cartloads!"
"And I know just the mine for it! Come with me, pony!"
A significantly larger, less hairy Diamond Dog appeared from a tunnel behind, motioning for Rarity to follow.
"MM! Mmm Mmmpph mm MMmpph!"
In a fit of desperation, Rarity kicked out at the Diamond dog, causing its armour to pop off and reveal a very large human within.
"Ooow... jeez, woman, you trying to ruin your own model?"
Joseph rubbed his sore chest, reconsidering how he had always regarded Rarity as another prissy elite girl.
"Mmmmpph!"
"Intruder alert! Get him, dogs!"
"Whoa there, boys, uh.. can't you see how many gems you could get out of me?"
The lead dog scratched his head, tempted by the prospect of even more gems.
"How? Strange thing want to work for us? Can you find gems?"
"Well, uh, see, uh... why don't you make prisoners like me fight to show people? Then you could have others come here and pay gems to see me? Wouldn't that work?"
Joseph was sweating, he had to think of something...
"Mmeeph! Mmm!"
Rarity was in a panic, shaking her head, while the lead dog nodded.
"Well, sounds good. Yes, gems... You will come with me to our empty cavern, we will use it as an arena."
Joseph follow the lead dog , as two large dogs followed behind. Through a tunnel leading deeper underground, they came to a vacant cavern with a pit in the middle, and several layers of platforms around. Dogs slowly poured in, their hunger for gems driving them to know just how their new prisoner would serve.
The lead dog put on a set of armour and armed himself with a spear, while Rarity was put off to one of the higher platforms. Joseph dug around for a bit in Sweetie's pack, but seemingly pulled nothing out.
"Alright," shouted the lead Dog, "Let's see what you have! On three, we fight! Three! Two- AAAH!"
After a brief shock ran through his tail, the floor under the lead dog collapsed, revealing a large pit underneath, trapping the dog.
"Heh heh heh! I played a little trick on you! Were you really dumb enough to walk IN FRONT of me?" Joseph quickly ran to Rarity while the other dogs were preoccupied with their leader's predicament, kicking away two guards and carrying her as he ran towards the exit tunnel.
"That's CHEATING! Get him, dogs, get him! HURRY!" Yelled the leader from his pit. As he tried to look for a way out, he noticed a small strong had been tied to his tail, undoubtedly having been tied there by Joseph.
"Too bad you had to face a master of cheating, huh? By the way, your next line will be 'Why is the soil here wet'!" Yelled Joseph as he continued to sprint away.
"And why is the soil here so wet? Wait.. ARGH!" The leader could be heard from his pit even as Joseph ran.
That was, of course, his cue to breathe deep and send a ripple through the thread and through the dog, into the damp soil of the makeshift arena. The ripple would charge the water, causing what was undoubtedly an underground lake to emerge and trap the dogs long enough for them to escape.
Joseph mentally patted himself on the back, knowing that he had made his preparations in the deepest chamber, so the water wouldn't reach them here. All he needed to hear after the distinctive cracking sound of his ripple was the burst of water in the cavern long past him.
"So, why didn't you just magic the cloth away or something?" Asked Joseph, as he undid Rarity's gag.
"Ugh! It is hard to concentrate on magic with something so... disgusting, you know? But thank you. Looks like I still have my model, and you've barely taken a scratch!"
Joseph and Rarity returned to Ponyville with truckloads of gems and a score of thankful ponies, eager to assist in whatever way they could. In the days prior to the show, Joseph spent a grueling time making sure he would not be ever blemished, spending his days reading comics graciously donated to him while relaxing in a spa.
And then, on the big day itself, Joseph's magnificence overwhelmed the many high society ponies that came to see him. Hoity Toity was brought to tears and had to take up suicide counseling, as he realised he could never be as beautiful as the one brought before him on that day. Photo Finish and Sapphire Shores had for the first time knew how it felt to be one of their own smitten fans, and Joseph found himself swarmed in love letters the next day. Fancy Pants immediately proposed that his associates all merge their assets into a single company, 'Jojocorp', seeing as that name would only ever bring blessings upon them.
Thus, came the prosperous Age of Fabulous in Equestria.