Ponyville: friendly folks, smiley faces, the sunshine, emotional facade, regrets, the punding rain, the Apocalypse... and kittens.
Fourth-Wall? What's a Fourth-Wall? Is it edible? Is it important? At all? References? References to what? What-culture now? Does any of this matter? Are you just wasting everyone's time? ... Is there really nothing else out there? ... nothing else, for any of us? ... What do you mean "It's Epic"?!!
Fourth-Wall? What's a Fourth-Wall? Is it edible? Is it important? At all? References? References to what? What-culture now? What do you mean "It's Epic"? Is this but a game to you? Oh really? Well you've got another thing coming, mister! Take that! And that! And that! And that one too! Now... will you please fix this mess?! Thank you!
1.
LoLz-a-Poppin’
Believe it or not, this tale of untimely greatness begins with a girly, pink-coloured pony begging another such small equine to come to her party.
“But you GOTTA come! It’s gonna be, like, the Bestest Party EVER!”
“Sorry, Pinkie Pie, I can’t.”
But Pinkie Pie was not accepting “no” as an answer; after all, petulant stubbornness was one of many conveniently exposed personality traits she was known for, along with excessive happiness, the ability to sneak up on people at any given time and, generally speaking, a whole lot of severe psychological issues (but those elements will be reserved for future hilarious plot points).
“Oh c’mon, Twilight! It’s gonna be super duper mega super extra FUN with an extra dose of super sugary EXCELLENT!”
“… What does that even mean!?”
The purple pony with the magic horn (which was on her forehead, as per usual with not-phallic symbols) was generally known as Twilight Sparkle or, as some of the country folks around town would call her, “That Pony with the Magic Horn.” It didn’t make too much sense since she was not the only magic unicorn in town (although, she was probably the second most noticeable). The visible tiresomeness in her violet eyes was telling the entire planet about her tragic moment of delirious annoyance.
“Please? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease…” The pink equine began blabbing with her eyes tight shut.
“Pinkie Pie, stop it…”
“…pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease…”
“Oh no… Can anyone help me out, here!? I think she broke!”
“…pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasePLEEEEEEEEEAAAASYYY!? Pleas-y dokey loki!?” Her eyes grew three times in size while literally bumping on Twilight’s face.
“NO! I TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT I CAN’T!” Finally yelled That Pony with the Magic Horn.
“B-but… why?” A now almost teary Pinkie inquired.
“Because… I’m actually dead, Pinkie… and you killed me.”
“… what?”
Epic Twist!
And Twilight Sparkle’s head exploded like a pignata full of tastylicious candies and colourful balloons. In just a few seconds, the now terrified pink equines found herself suffocating in those party props. She yelled, screamed and cried for dear life as her quadruped body was being engulfed by festive darkness and soulless joy, until her own tears turned into blood-red rivers of grim despair and solitude.
Insta-wakening!
Young Pinkamena, better known as Pinkie Pie or “That Pony Who Never Stops Being Pinky Pie” by the same group of country horses, woke up from her nightmare while still yelling her lungs out in fear. Once her ability to breathe returned to her respiratory system and her heart began beating once more, the small equine realized she was inside her bed, in her bedroom, in her apartment, localized entirely in the second floor of the local bakery, in the small town of Ponyville, in the realm of Equestria, somewhere in a conveniently shoehorned universe.
It was dawn. With the soft light of the morning star illuminating the place, Pinkie could give a proper look at her surroundings. Everything seemed okay: her pink-coloured walls and carpets, her festive decorations, her balloons, her toothless pet alligator named Gummy still asleep in his baby bed… everything was fine. Except it really wasn’t. She was crying, and her mane was also a disaster, but mostly she was crying. Tears poured from her eyes like small waterfalls while her hooves covered her face in pretty visible and painful sadness.
Suddenly, several parts of her body started twitching in a combo sequence for no apparent reason. Only That Pony Who Never Stops Being Pinkie Pie knew what that meant.
“Oh no… something totally epic and insane is gonna happen any time soon!” She whispered to her now awakened pet alligator, which was desperately trying to bite her fluffy tail, epically failing at it.
Dynamic Change of Setting!
Twilight Sparkle, the magic unicorn, was pretty alive and busy washing her mostly dark (with a bright violet line) mane that morning, when her concentration was ruined by a loud noise.
“Spike! Will you answer the door, please?” She called.
A few seconds later, a small looking purple dragon-looking kid with green scales on his head appeared at Twilight’s doorstep. He looked rather jaw-dropping baffled.
“So, Spike, my faithful assistant, who was it?” That Pony with the Magic Horn asked.
“Am’onna, am’onna, am’onna…” He blabbed for the first few times.
“What?”
“It’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a…”
“Spike, what did I tell about articulation? Speak properly, for Equestria’s sake!”
“Thingy! Outside! Cute! Apocalypse! Run!” That was all he could say before fainting right before her now incredulous eyes.
“What the f…illy? OH MY GODDESS CELESTIA! SPIKE, ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?”
After ensuring her brave, little warrior was alive and not dead on the spot, she used the powerful magic of her horn to lift the poor guy from the floor and put him in her bed, then she personally headed towards the entrance door to see what was all the proverbial fuss about, first hand (or hoof). She opened the door and took a quick look outside. She closed the door. She reopened it. She closed it again. She put a hoof on her forehead, checked her pulse, banged her head on the wall a few times for good measure, saw many dancing star-ponies, miraculously recovered from a head trauma and, finally, she opened her front door once more. And she saw it.
Apparently, Ponyville was being invaded by giant, cute’n’fuzzy, floating kitten heads shooting laser beams from their eyes while every pony was running around and yelling for dear life.
Twilight slowly closed the door, turned his back from it, took a deep breath and said: “I hate Mondays.” Even though it was Tuesday.
Somewhere over the Rainbow, between Sesame Street and Carmen Sandiego’s hideout, stood the magical land of Equestria, a peaceful realm ruled by princess Celestia, whose divine powers could bring the sun to rise every morning and the moon to shine at least once a month. It was also a remarkable tourist spot: the Laws of Nature always used to take a vacation there.
As far-fetched as it might sound, every natural events in that mystic princessdom were caused by the ponies’ doing. Flying ponies known as Pegasi roamed the blue skies, rounding up clouds to make it rain, unicorns used their magic talents to instil the seasonal change, and plain old earth ponies were left with manual labours such as cleaning up the snowy remains of winter for the Season of Love to arise (usually all the while singing about it for no apparent reason).
One of the most ungratefully, un-epical, boring jobs an earth pony could possibly not wish for, was rock farming. Why would anyone try to harvest minerals is a riddle whose solution has eluded the most brilliant minds in all of Equestria (specifically That Pony With The Magic Horn and some random goat by the name of Bill who just happened to pass by), but none of them could ever figure out the answer to such an arcane tradition of probable pointlessness. That is, until the day the fatal question was finally asked to the right person.
“Ehi, Pinkie Pie?”
“Oh hya, Twilight!”
“Hi… Uhm, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you for sometime now.”
“She’s hiding in my closet.”
“Oh she’s hi-- wait, what?”
“Carmes Sandiego! She’s been hiding inside my closet this whole time! That’s why nobody could ever find her! It’s a funny story, really… you see, there was this tremendous party once and she was there with Waldo and everyone got drunk and everything…”
“No, stop it. Just stop… that’s not what I wanted to ask you.”
“OH! I’m sorry, I don’t know where Sesame Street is. You should ask that Big Bird guy about it!”
“I… I just wanted to know why did your family use to farm rocks?”
“Why, how else are you gonna make stones out of ‘em, silly?!”
There was no follow-up to that answer. On the other hand, there were several follow-up questions about Sesame Street.
Before turning into That Pony Who Never Stops Being Pinkie Pie, our little party-lover was The Pony Formerly Known As Pinkamena, a country-side filly from a rock farming community (as unlikely as it might sound). Her entire childhood revolved on joyless work, boring rock gatherings and early morning wakes. Her mane was flat and her eyes were drenched in perpetual sadness.
Then, it happened. A miracle occurred. An event of such unpredictable force and beauty that many ponies considered it to be a make-believe fairy tale (and coming from a world made of talking equines and various magical McGuffins, that really said something). A rainbow-coloured explosion filled the sky, waving its way through all of Equestria. It was a Sonic Rainboom, a mythical occurrence said to be ignited by a Pegasus who managed to break the Speed of Sound during a flight; that’s what the legends say, at least.
As Pinkamena’s gaze froze itself over the magnificence of such miraculous rainbow goodness, her previously flat mane inflated itself like a balloon and her sad expression turned into one of pure, unaltered glee. That Sonic Rainboom gave her happiness and she would have dedicated her life to make other ponies feel that very same way. Thus, from that day onward, she became Pinkie Pie, the (quote-unquote) super duper extra super bestest party thrower in all of Equestria. Incidentally, a few years later she would move into the fair town of Ponyville, where she would meet up with a certain Pegasus girl… but that’s another story.
Tuesday morning.
Pinkie Pie was awake for just a few hours. The morning star was already up in the sky, yet her bedroom was still engulfed in semi-darkness. She was staring herself at the mirror, with the small light from a bulb to make her features recognizable. Her mane was flat once again and her eyes seemed to portray a heavy tiredness that was burdening her very soul. She stood there, watching her less cheerful self for sometime. Then she took a long breath and exhaled into her hooves, thus successfully inflating her mane once more. She smiled at herself quite cheerfully, trying so hard to be the Pinkie Pie everyone knew and loved, including herself. Strangely, though, her reflection did not smile back, in fact, it tried to grab her neck and choke her to death while yelling “I’m am you!” or “Not even Rainbow Dash can save you, this time!” and other such one-liners.
Unfortunately for the dramatic development, this day-mare was abruptly interrupted by a certain loud noise from outside. After the scarified, tear-jerking pony girl managed somehow to remember how to inhale air into her lungs, she tremblingly headed towards her window and opened it. She closed it. She opened it again. She closed it once more. She rubbed her eyes, pinched herself with Gummy’s toothless mouth, realized the lack of practicality of the gesture, had breakfast, brushed her teeth, suddenly remembered about what was going on outside and then, re-opened the window one final time. Horribly cute giant kitten heads of Doom were attacking the village with eye lasers and adorable meows. On an unrelated note, it was a sunny morning.
“I knew this would happen… my twitching combos are never wrong!” She said to herself, right before falling asleep once again for feeble comedic purposes.
Her baby alligator was still trying to chew her tail off, to no avail.
“So… Inspector Gadget with D-Detective Conan are, like, chasing after Carmen San-Sandiego… She was, like, eloping with Waldo and her parents were w-worried sick. Then Megatron, drivving the Death Starrrr, appears and says: ‘I AM MEGATRON!’ and that scares the Ssssmurfs out of t-the M’shroom Kingdomm and, like, the Carebears are happy and throw a party or som’ing…. Then everyone comes to the party and are, like, totally wasted on the punch… and Bambi and C-Charlie the Unicorn try to hit on Carmen but Waldo gets mad and goes Super Saiyan while Gadget and D-detchch…detacthemiii… C-Conan, findsss out who framed Rogger Rabbhit and so, prinsceess Peech barfsfsfsfs on princccess Leia and they starts katfightin’ … and He-Man getststs molested by Frankenfurtherrr and, like, Assstro Boy and S-Superrrman armwruestle and the Deaath Staarrr is, like, desctroyed….. then Bigg Birrd comes arrrhound and asks: ‘Wherr in teh world isss Carrrmen Shan-Waldo?” and then t-the Rescue Rannngers blows evvwrythingg with a b-bazzooka……………… An-and that’s the true meaning of Christmas!”
“Uhm… Pinkie Pie, I just wanted to know how were you feeling?”
“W-Welcome to Big Burgerrrr, may I t-take your ordderrr?” And then Pinkie Pie fell on the floor.
On the seventh day of Equestria, Efaustus, Goddess of Awesome, created the “Party”, a sacred event in which every pony in the land could enjoy getting wasted on cheap liquor-based drinks and lose control over their senses, thus giving birth to the age-old tradition of “Drunken Ramblings” (or, at least, that’s what the first pony to ever get on the booze named it). Bottom line was: parties were more than just mere social events, gatherings or plain old “get togethers”, they symbolized everyone’s right to ramble incoherently under the intoxicating effects of alcohol, only to sourly regret it in the following morning.
The pony formerly known as Pinkamena was particularly good at it. She was the undisputed queen of last-minute-randomly-thrown-parties and getting-her-stomach-filled-with-liquor-and-cake (rum cupcakes, to be exact).
“T-the Cake is ann Illussion!” She suddenly woke up to say, only to fumble into Deep Sleep 9 once more.
Looking down at her with a rather worried look, stood one of her best friends in the whole world, the yellow-colour-skinned, light-violet-maned, shy pony girl named Fluttershy - also known as “That Weird Animal-Lovin’, Tree-Huggin’, Flying Pony That’s Afraid of Her Own Shadow”, by that already established group of country equines. As one of her names partly suggested, Fluttershy was a Pegasus, although she didn’t fly very much due to her fear of almost anything that existed, including her shadow, who was always following her no matter where she would go.
Despite that fact, Fluttershy was pretty good with animals (as in, the non-talking, feral kind of animals), thanks to her uncanny ability to communicate with them, befriend them with white voiced musical numbers and, occasionally and only when strictly necessary, terrorize them to death with her legendary Stare of Doom. Said stare was rumoured to be more powerfully intimidating than a raging dragon with severe drinking problems (that would also explain why dragons weren’t invited to parties anymore). For that reason, some of the fillies in Ponyville used to address the otherwise quiet and timid Fluttershy as “The Stare Master”, which made her sound more ominous that she would have ever wanted to appear; it scared her.
“Oh Pinkie...” She shook her head at her friend in great concern.
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie stood up on her hooves and yelled: “I KILLED MOZART!” Then began running like a drunk raging dragon towards the nearest window, dropping out from her apartment while chanting the “Superman” theme.
The very first time she did that, every pony scared the guts out of themselves… luckily they’ve gotten used to it pretty fast. Falling out from her window during an alcoholic stupor was one of the very few things the pink pony was predictable for. Having some Pegasus rescuing her from certain hospitalization, was also one of them.
As Fluttershy gently put her very troubled friend in her bed after interrupting her fall with surprisingly capable reflexes, she kissed her on the forehead and bid her goodnight. She smiled within herself as Pinkie snorted a “Ok mum I love you bye bye” before turning around soundly asleep. Then Fluttershy returned to the party in the other room just in time to see her other friend, Rainbow Dash, making her epic entrance…
The gentle equine snapped out of her conveniently timed flashback about crazier times, her mind was now focused on the current, more tragic situation.
All the village’s inhabitants were standing in the middle of the main square, knocking their hooves to the ground and blabbing incoherently out of sheer apprehension.
“Attention everypony!” Yelled a voice with decisiveness.
Every mini-horse turned their attention towards its direction.
“It’s Twilight Sparkle.” Some whispered.
“Twilight Sparkle!?” Some other screamed.
“It’s That Pony With The Magic Horn!” Some country pony stated.
“And she’s standing on a soapbox! Let’s hear what she has to say!”
Indeed, Twilight placed herself on a random soapbox she happened to find sometime earlier, then she began her speech. “A-hem. I’m pretty sure many of you are aware about that… ‘peculiar’ event that occurred this morning…”
“OH! You mean that totally unforgettable, uncalled for awesome invasion of laser-shooting kitty heads that was like totally impossible to miss!?” Said Pinkie Pie, currently back in her normal self and jumping ecstatically from behind the lines.
“Oh no, sugarcube, she was actually talkin’ bout Rarity’s mane comin’ te life and tryin’ to take over the world!” Stated sarcastically a southern accented pony gal with blonde hair and a cowpony-boy hat. Or perhaps I should say, a cowgirl-pony-gal hat? No wait, a cowboy-girl-pony hat? A ponyhat-cowboy-pony-gal hat? Oh nevermind!
“Wow, seriously!?” A seemingly overjoyed jumping pink cushion asked back, unaware of the not-so subtle irony.
“I was just jokin’ round, Pinkie Pie.” The cowboy-pony-girl rolled her eyes in annoyance. Or maybe she is a cowgirl-pony or a cowpony-boy-girl?.
Every pony stared at the two of them in total silence for a couple of unbearably painful and awkward seconds. The blonde ponyboy-girl-cow (or something along those lines) felt like shrinking in embarrassment, while her much more festive friend kept trolling with every equine’s patience.
By that time around, another epic flashback sequence was about to begin.
The young cow-girl-pony-hat-gal-boy-girl (this joke is officially dead) was both known as Applejack and as “Applejack, The Toughest, Strongest, Bestest Apple Trees’ Buckin’ Gal In All Of Equestria” by her fellow country ponies, whom most happened to be part of her numerous family.
She was utterly beloved by the local community thanks to her honesty, bravery, practicality and unquestionable trustworthiness. She was affable and always looked up for her friends, ready to help every pony in need regardless of the situation. Too bad she was very bad when it came to help herself.
Pinkie Pie’s party was just at its peak and most of the invitees were already more filled with alcohol than a sea sponge swimming in a giant can of beer. She would usually take pride over the fact that virtually every pony in Ponyville loved to get high with just about 50% of the sweet product of her family’s seasonal apple bucking activity (the percentage that covers alcoholic beverage, that is) but on that night she didn’t really want to be there, and she felt awful about it.
“So… great party we’re havin’, huh?” She said to her older brother, who was standing right beside her with a really bored expression, which happened to be his normal face.
“Eeeeeeeeeyup.” That was all Big Mackintosh could say.
“Pinkie’s party sure is one of a kind!” She timidly inquired.
“Eeeeeeeeeyup.” Big Mac’s answer.
“Everypony’s having so much fun!”
“Eeeeeeeeeyup.”
“… I wonder how’s tha cattle doin’, I should probably get back.”
Her brother gave her a deadly stare.
She smiled at him rather stupidly before eventually sighing in defeat. “Yeah, yeah, I know… I’ve got to tell her, I just… I don’t know how… what if she hates me for that!? What if she loses her smile forever!? I-I couldn’t bare to see her in that state!” She was knocking her hooves nervously on the floor, slowly starting to panic.
Big Mac put his own hoof on her shoulder and looked at her in her big blue eyes.
“I gotta tell her before she learns it some other way, ain’t I?”
“Eeeeeeeeyup.”
Applejack finally calmed down, although she was obviously still burdened by that responsibility. For some reason, her brother’s reassuring words of wisdom did not ease her troubles. One deep inhalation later, she started walking towards the centre of the room.
Pinkie Pie was leaning on the cider’s table.
“Oh hey, Pinkie-hun, how’s ya’ll doin’?” Timidly approached the otherwise balder cowpony gal (I finally said it right).
Her friend looked rather perplexed and… strangely sober. “Oh hya, Applejack… didn’t see you there.”
“Uh… are you okay an’ all?”
“Yeah, yeah… it’s just, well, I had one of my twitches, this morning.” She casually stated while playing with the spoon in the cider’s bowl.
Applejack’s heart skipped a beat. “OH! You had one of your… twitch-thingies that can predict very specific events from the future… I see.” She was really starting to be a nervous wreck as she delivered a convenient exposition of the facts. “And… and what did it say? Is it goin’ ta rain tomorrow? Or maybe it’s an alien invasion, this time?” And she was also epically failing at hiding it with humour.
“I don’t know… and that’s what scares me! It must be something really unexpected and it feels like it could happen at any moment! Of course I wasn’t going to cancel this totally awesome party just for a simple hitchy-twitchy-hunchy! No siree! The show must go on and… why are you trembling like that, Applejack? Are you… crying!? What’s the matter!?”
“Oh sugarcube… there’s something I need to tell ya.”
Just before that big time plot reveal, Applejack’s mind returned to the present time around the same moment her other friend, Twilight, was about to finish a passionate soapbox-reinforced speech. The Jack of all Apples (also a nice nickname) took a good look at her pink-coloured pal, who was still jumping, and a genuine tender smile crossed her mouth. She was definitely admiring her courage.
“… and that’s all I could gather from our current data. Any questions?” Concluded Twilight.
“Eh-eheh, I have, like, a question or somethin’.” Said a short and puffy looking hillbilly-ish unicorn boy from the second line.
“Yes? What is it?”
“…Uh, eh-eheh, can your horn, like, shoot beams too? Eh-eheh…”
“Yeah!” Added a slightly taller equine, also a unicorn. “If I had a horn that shoots lasers I’d be, like, the King of Awesome and DESTROY EVERYTHING! RAAAAH!!!”
The small one whacked the tall one in the head. “Whoa… eh-eheh, calm down stoopid!”
Twilight’s face was frowning in obvious irritation. “You guys DO realize you are unicorns too, right?”
There was a minute of silence.
“Uuuh… what’s a Unicron?” Was the taller one’s answer.
The master of the soapbox was not amused. “Any questions that are NOT related to my horn?” She added.
“Eh-eheh… She said ‘horn’!”
“Eh-ehehehehe… coool!”
“Could SOMEBODY please kick those two idiots out of here before I decide to INCINERATE THEM!?”
“That’d be ma pleasure, sugarcube!” And with that said, Applejack proceeded to literally kick those two waste of pre-teen flesh a few miles in the air, for every pony’s utter satisfaction.
As those two yokels find themselves flying to the other side of the realm, the flashback of a certain party came to mind... but since nobody was really interested about it, they just fell to the ground loudly.
“Thank Celestia for that.” The purple-skinned, dark purple-pinkish-maned pony above the epic Soapbox of Grandness uttered.
“Excuse me, I have a question!” A white, elegant unicorn with violet stylish hair made her way into the crowd.
“It’s Rarity!” Some said.
“Rarity!?” Some other said.
“It’s That Other Pony With The Magic Horn!” Some country folk said, much to Rarity’s utter dismay.
“Oh hya, Rarity! How’s your crazy mane’s plans to take the over the world going!?” Asked a genuinely curious Pinkie Pie.
“My WHAT!?” As a rather baffled Rarity was left completely dumbfounded, a suddenly humoured Applejack was trying very hard not to burst into uncontrollable laughter.
Twilight Sparkle just face-hooved herself. “Right… so, what was your question, Rarity?”
Once she managed to regain her signature classy composure (and forget all about crazy self-aware manes and plans for world domination) the fashion-in pony was finally ready to ask her question: “What in the name of all that is beautiful and a-la-moud where those THINGS flying outside my house!?”
Twilight sighed. “We’ve been through these already: they were giant severed floating feline heads shooting beams from their eyes! I thought I was clear on that point!”
“And they were also very cute!” Added Fluttershy; Every pony gave her The Look. “… well, I thought they were cute.” She was blushing in embarrassment.
“Yeah, whatever… They were giant floating Kittens of Doom, we all agree on that!” Stated a very short-tempered soapbox-wielding pony.
“Ok, fine... Kittens of Doom…” Then Rarity asked the one, single riddle that was on every pony’s mind: “… WHY!?”
All equines’ gazes where now on Twilight Sparkle, waiting for an answer.
“I…don’t…know. But I DO know there is obviously a very powerful magic at work!”
The gazes were back on Rarity.
“Magic!? Is that your best explanation? It was Magic!? Wow… that really explains EVERYTHING, doesn’t it!?”
Gazes on Twilight, who was now cornered by that sarcastic remark.
“Of course… it… does. I mean, it’s got to be some sort of… amazing, unlikely magical… magic… thing. After all, you can do a lot of stuff with magic! As long as you’re very good with it, you can perform even the most random things! Even… giant floating beam-shooting feline heads of Doom… I think.”
“And they meowed in such a lovely way!”
All gazes were once again on Fluttershy.
“… I’ll just shut up now.” She almost literally shrank away.
Rarity was now visibly furious. “You’re always like this, Twilight! You always act like you have all the answers in the world only to inevitably fall apart every time you’re faced with something you cannot understand… even when it’s your OWN magic!”
For an instance, Rarity’s mind went back to that unspecified party night, when she found herself forced to entertain her heavily boozed-out friend.
“Annd shoo, I’ve been work-working on this astralll projector thingy that caaan, like, you know? Project movving images on walls or any, like, flat surface…. and stuff! I t-think I was g-gonna call it… Motion-graph, or som’ing. ”
“That’s…very interesting, Twilight-dear.” She rolled her eyes like only a non-boozed out, sober listener could roll. “But what about Pinkie Pie?”
“Uhu… whatcha sayin’?” The very unstable unicorn asked back.
“What. About. Pinkie. Is she doing fine?”
“Awww, don’t worry ‘bout dat… I’ll juust fix everythuing… with MAGIC!” She cheerfully answered.
Rarity looked a bit bemused. “… You’re kidding, right? That’s just the alcohol talking, right?”
“Wat? Noooooo… I can do that… I have, like, a speeelll that can make everypony happy!”
“You can’t be serious.”
“It’ssss just Magic… you know? That ccoool thing you do with your horn and all… just like when I dood it on the thingamabob-graph and BAM! A fully-functiiionall Motion Filmin’ Thingy and whatnot! Ponies work the same… they has to.”
Rarity was shaking her head in disgust. “So, this is how you really feel about us, uh? All of our problems can just be ‘magic-ed away’ as if we were mere Motion-graphs? You are a fool, Twilight.”
“Ooooh yeaaah? I’ll sshow ya how my m’gick workdkdkdfssss…” But before Twilight “Dazzle” could add anything relevant to the conversation, she ended up throwing the contents of her stomach on Rarity’s chest, which obviously made her freak out and run away as fast as ponily possible.
“Annnd that’ss how I saved chhristmas!” Added “Drunkard” Sparkle before collapsing on the ground.
“You ruined my dress!” Concluded the outrageously defiled unicorn, back to the present.
“You’ll never forgive me that, will you?” The visibly exhausted purple unicorn stated.
“That just shows your inadequacy in taking those grand ‘soapbox speeches’ of yours!”
“Ehi! At least I’m trying to do something about this mess! The only thing you EVER worry about is your perfectly-brushed mane and your stupid dresses a-la-moud! Well, here’s some newsflash for you, Rare! NOBODY cares about your retarded clothing designs!”
That pretty much did it. The sound of Rarity’s heart shattering in multiple pieces was so loud that almost made the heavens tremble. Tears poured out of the white pony’s eyes as she began running away from the crowd.
All remaining ponies gave Twilight the mighty “I can’t believe what you just did to your friend” look.
“Oh no, what have I done!? RARITY, WAIT! I’M SORRY!” Thus, the former Ponyville community’s spokesperson started chasing after the emotionally hurt fashion designer, leaving her almighty soapbox behind.
Among the inevitable whispers and speculations that followed that peculiar village reunion, and the successive disbanding of the crowd, a lone pink-coloured pony girl remained still in her position as her not-anymore cheerful gaze was staring intently at the direction two of her best friends ran off to.
No… not you too. She thought to herself. If I lose my friends… I will be all alone.
Raindrops began their descent on the land as the local Pegasi just finished rounding the clouds in time for their afternoon schedule.
She looked up in the sky and sighed. Her thoughts went back to the reassuring image of a rainbow-maned Pegasus she was familiar with. She closed her eyes and her tears mixed themselves with the water. Her mane lost its shape.
Applejack was observing from a distance, unable to move.
I’m sorry, Pinkie. That’s all she could say to her on that fatal night.
“Oh sugarcube… there’s something I need to tell ya.” She was still in tears, which was very antithetic to the party’s atmosphere.
“What’s wrong!? Has something happened to your granma!?” Pinkie was genuinely worried now.
“No… no… it’s… *sniff*… it’s about your family, Pinkie-hun!”
For the first time in who knows how, the festive, party-throwing pony was left speechless; she subconsciously realized what was her morning twitch trying to warn her from.
“I… just got word from ma’ cousins down in the country…” Applejack continued; she knew deep in her heart she was the only one who could deliver such news to her friend, thus she finally let it all out: “… y-your… parents, they… they died in a rockslide incident… I’m sorry.”
Then Applejack ran away, still in tears.
Pinkie Pie didn’t say anything, did not utter a single sound whatsoever. She just stood there, eyes glued on her friend running away from her in slow motion, as if in total shock. After a few minutes, she leaned on the cider’s table, took the entire bowl and started drinking like there was no tomorrow. Before losing her cognitive abilities for the much needed alcoholic stupor, one thought crossed her numbing mind: the mental image of her coolest friend, Rainbow Dash, making namesake rainbows in the sky.
