Ponies on a Plane
by Tartdefiance
Part 1: Departure!
The plateau near Ghastly Gorge had never been this crowded in late autumn. Half of Ponyville was assembling around an improvised stage where two ponies gave a speech, right next to a huge, strange metal construct reflecting the afternoon sunlight. The other half of Ponyville displayed an unusually reasonable behavior:
They had decided to stay as far away as possible from that thing.
It was indeed a very disturbing sight: Shaped like a giant, bulky “T” with a nose, a tail and one enormous, ominous airscrew on each of the two oversized wings, the custom-built beast looked like it had just arisen from a crazy engineer’s nightmare.
And that was basically kind of what had happened.
On a hastily built runway leading to a cliff, the monstrosity now reared its ugly head, a mockery to good taste in general and the unlucky bird its design was based on in particular. The thought that this metal monstrosity was actually supposed to fly seemed downright absurd. It was the direct opposite of all the light, swift or elegant flying creatures it was trying to imitate, especially of the delicate and graceful female pegasus who was currently sitting under its left wing. However, the construct shared a characteristic with the earth pony mare who was attempting to take the yellow pegasus’s photo: decrepitude.
“Alrighty then, where were we?” Granny Smith struggled with the implementing of her old, vintage photo camera.
True, the design of photography devices was never changed after their invention, so they didn’t look quite as modern as, let’s say, DJ Pon3’s DJ desk. But at least their functionality and the picture quality had improved drastically. As far as style was concerned, most ponies had nothing against old-fashioned, functionally adequate designs.
If it goes smoothly, why change it?
Granny Smith was one of the ponies following this phrase, although she didn’t limit it to visual enhancement. Furthermore, her definition of “smoothly” appeared to differ from the norms of the general public.
On these grounds, her camera with pedestal did not only look old-fashioned, it actually happened to be a real pioneer model. Just like Granny Smith herself.
She had begun slapping the rebellious old-timer.
“You were about to take a picture of me, close to the plane, before it flies away?” Fluttershy smiled shyly, somehow creating a squealing sound.
“Why yes, here we go. There’s no need to be nervous. Can you try to look a tad more… more… adorable? Sweet Celestia, not THAT much, you’re melting my poor ol’ heart! Now that’s what we wanna see… Hold on, Ah’ma get this runnin’!” The old mare disappeared under the blanket which momentarily served as light protection for the camera.
Then she started mumbling unintelligibly.
Fluttershy hold the pose. She really didn’t mean to upset Granny Smith, or anypony else who might be watching, by moving even the slightest bit.
She could do this. Certainly, it wouldn’t take more than a minute or two...
Meanwhile, the speech given by Twilight Sparkle and Pinkamena Diane Pie at the opening ceremony came to its end.
“… wanted to thank you all for your support. Without Ponyville’s help, this top secret government scheme would have never been able to pull off!” Pinkie babbled while bouncing around happily.
Twilight kept her from falling off the stage via levitation magic.
“What Pinkie Pie meant to say is… Princess Celestia isn’t completely sure if all of Equestria is ready for this… revolutionary innovation. So she has given this unique project into Ponyville’s charge, because she trusts us the most. Also, that’s why we are starting our flight in the Ghastly Gorge on this exceptionally cloudy day. We do not intend to scare anypony…” the purple unicorn tried to explain.
“And if our project is too heavy to take off, nopony but us will notice!” Pinkie interjected cheerfully, helpful as ever.
Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat and dropped the pink earth pony back on the platform.
“Any questions?”
“Yes, here. Speaking of being too heavy, is there a reason you called your invention fat plane?” a filly with a lilac and white mane asked snappishly. Diamond Tiara was her name, as well as her cutie mark, as well as her most favored accessory. Her father prodded her disapprovingly.
“You can call him only plane if you want, although he is a bit tubby…” Pinkie began her explanation, achieving scattered laughter in the crowd.
“But his full name is FAT PLaNE, Fast Aerial Transportation of Pony Lot and Neighboring Equines. I first planned to call him FAT PLot, but then I thought of Zecora and all the other zebras... and donkeys, too! I wanted to give all our grounded friends the opportunity of flying really fast and really, really high! Oh, and FAT PLot was SUCH a silly name…” she giggled.
Most listeners snickered without really knowing why. This was one of the rather specific effects Pinnkie Pie had on crowds.
Twist, the filly with the red curls and the tremendous purple glasses, had put her hoof up.
“Another question? Yes?” Twilight encouraged.
“You said that this was super secret, but you also said earlier that you would take the scenic route to Canterlot around Cloudsdale,” Twist lisped, not so much posing a question as pointing out a flaw in the speakers’ statements.
“Well, as I just said, we are going to fly above the clouds most of the time and land behind Canterlot to avoid unwanted attention, but we are sure the population of Cloudsdale will react very positively to a small aerobatic display. We visited the city a while ago and can confirm that they are used to a lot of air travel, so we won’t cause too much trouble…” Twilight bluffed it out like an expert.
But she was about to get more friendly fire from Pinkie.
“Plus, Cloudsdale is sorta in the way of our course over the clouds! And were not too sure about the range of FAT PLaNE yet, so we have to stay close to the direct route past the city in the sky, you know, just in case. Any more questions or inconsistencies?“ the pink mare chimed in.
Twilight Sparkle forced herself to keep grinning, but was starting to sweat.
Fortunately, she wasn’t the only one who thought this show had gone long enough. While the others were still thinking about asking questions and exposing illogicalities, Diamond Tiara’s father thrust himself forward and climbed the stage.
“Fillies and Gentlecolts, as you all know, this event is brought to you by Rich's Barnyard Bargains and sponsored by me, Filthy Rich, since town hall is out of bits again,” he announced, whereas the Mayor of Ponyville smiled sheepishly in response to a couple of dirty looks,
“thus I’m proud to present the bottle of apple cider for the initiation of this ship... airship, I mean, plane. May he fly save and well!”
With this, he hoofed Twilight the bottle, and the crowd cheered loud.
He then walked off to the aircraft to apply some stickers to a part of the plane’s tail.
If there were by chance any ponies who caught a glimpse of the FAT PLaNE, they should also be informed that Rich's Barnyard Bargains by Filthy Rich, whose cutie mark was three sacks of money and who lived in Ponyville, a wonderful holiday spot by the way, was their first choice to buy everything they need.
He was so certain that he had stolen the show. Cute.
“Alright, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, you know what to do. Go!” Twilight Sparkle shouted elatedly and threw the bottle into the air. It was instantly entangled in a lasso.
“Gotcha,” Applejack mumbled through the other end of the rope, then built momentum by swirling the bottle of cider through the air. After a little while, she let go.
As all eyes followed the bound container soar into the sky, the rainbow colored flash behind them went almost unnoticed. Suddenly, the lasso was yanked out of the air and pulled into a risky loop culminating in an abrupt stop, right over Filthy Rich.
Half a second later, the attached bottle barely missed him and hit his logos on the plane at full speed instead, bursting into thousands of pieces, while engulfing Filthy in a cloud of unpleasantly sticky apple cider.
The impact of the former cider container was even powerful enough to loosen the struck part of the aircraft with the now soaked stickers.
Or maybe the whole thing was just very badly built.
“Aw YEAH, 100 points,” Rainbow Dash commented her assault.
Mr. Rich was the first to find his tongue.
“That tie… was new!” he stammered bewilderedly.
The crowd jubilated and stomped their hooves nevertheless. Some ponies even called for an encore. All they got to see was Dash posing in mid-air, relishing the attention, though.
Until she was ungently dragged down by magic.
“You have an awful propensity to exaggerate sometimes, you know that?” Twilight groaned.
Everypony was still cheering wildly, except Diamond Tiara and her father, who both looked somewhat miffed recently.
“I regret nothing.” Rainbow Dash grinned.
A loud, honking sound interrupted the commotion.
“That’s the signal!” Pinkie Pie called out,
“We’re taking off in a few minutes! All Elements of Harmony and Big Macintosh, meet me at the cargo ramp. Everypony else: SAFETY CLEARANCE!!!”
They didn’t need to be told twice. After Pinkie’s sudden, hysteric and immoderately loud command, they had literally turned tail and fled.
All but Twilight Sparkle, who was a little bit too confused at the moment.
“Did our plane just… honk? Why would you install a horn… on a plane?”
Although Twilight hadn’t asked her or anypony else in particular, Pinkie Pie was pleased to be able to answer the question.
“Because, silly,” she enlightened her lavender friend with a comforting hoof on her shoulder,
“we are not alone up there.”
Pinkamena Diane Pie chuckled and bounced away.
Twilight opened her mouth to object. Then she changed her mind and shook her head instead. Pinkie would always have a point. Or something incomprehensible that turned out to be some kind of point later. Sometimes, it was just truly difficult to comprehend anything Pinkie Pie did.
Twilight Sparkle began walking over to the aircraft and sighed.
Take this “newest” invention for example. Technically, it was one of Pinkie’s oldest works. She was still a little filly when she had begun to add together all the parts, following a blueprint she had seen in her dreams…
As far as Twilight Sparkle knew Pinkie Pie, it sounded incredible enough to be true.
Anyhow, little Pinkie couldn’t find a sufficient energy supply, and later dumped the whole thing because it was “too clumsy”.
The pink filly hadn’t even considered using magic as possible energy source.
FAT PLaNE would have never seen the light of day, if she hadn’t told Twilight about the project several months ago. Back then, Twilight actually just wanted to know where Pinkie got her muscle powered flying machine, but it resulted in a spontaneous lecture in aerodynamics.
In which Pinkie Pie mentioned the plane as counterexample.
Twilight Sparkle hadn’t even really started to explain how the construct could be lifted by magic, but it turned out the idea alone was enough for Pinkie. She had immediately run off, keen on trying something new.
And this, Twilight could understand. New things sure were throughout exciting. The realization had struck her a while after she had settled down in Ponyville this summer.
Since then, it was “another day, another adventure”.
For instance, Twilight Sparkle had just impulsively participated in the annual Running of the Leaves for the first time, and ranked 5th. Now she would board a plane for the first time, and she was absolutely confident. And absolutely lost in thought.
Fluttershy had watched her walking between her and the camera in silent horror, but she really didn’t want to say anything, taking her pose into account. Besides, Granny Smith hadn’t succeeded in taking her photo for the last ten minutes, she surely wouldn’t succeed in the next ten seconds. Really, there was no need to…
Click. BOOM!
“Eep!” Fluttershy squeaked, suddenly dazzled.
The flash and small explosion also jolted Twilight out of her daydreams. Dizzyingly, she turned around to meet Granny Smith’s gaze. The earth pony’s sooty muzzle slowly turned into a grin.
“Here’s the pic for ya passport, young lady!” she prattled as she thrust a fresh, slightly burnt photo into Twilight’s hoof.
Taken by surprise, Twilight Sparkle took a look at it.
“Ah almost got ya whole face in profile. There seems to be somepony else in the background, though... and somepony’s house... and some trees... and a what’s-it-called-again? But Ah’m sure it’s OK, or you could cut it out, Ah guess.” The old earth pony dusted off her face with a blanket and former light protection.
“What’s that odd thing good for anyway? Y’all know, when Ah was young, we didn’t need no fancy-schmancy whatever-it-is to do whatever-it-does, we used to do things ourselves!”
“Um, it’s a plane, and it flies, you know, just like I told you...” Fluttershy didn’t mean to bother.
“Back in my days, when we wanted to fly, we had to wrestle a manticore into submission! Good ol’ times. Now it’s all shiny new technology and what not. Well, gotta go. Y’all fillies are always welcome at tea. Cya!” Granny Smith had packed the remains of her antique camera together and wandered off.
“Actually, we’re drinking tea with the princess today... But, but I’m sure tomorrow is fine!” The butter-colored pegasus waved her goodbye.
Twilight was still staring at the picture while trying to comprehend what just had happened at the same time. Fluttershy glanced over her shoulder.
“I’m sure Celestia doesn’t mind that you’re on the photo, too... I think it looks nice,” the pegasus reassured her unicorn friend.
“It does?” Twilight Sparkle looked up.
“Regardless, I’m sorry for disrupting your photoshoot... regardless. I was thinking about our air journey, and... wait, didn’t you say you wanted to present some of your animals to Celestia? What’s with the photo?”
“Well, um, you see...” Fluttershy stuttered,
“It’s more like my animal friends were very unhappy about Ponyville’s last Winter Wrap Up being late... um, again. So I thought, maybe if I moved them to Canterlot, Princess Celestia could install something for them in her castle’s garden. She did willingly, so I wanted to bring her a gift to... you know, show my appreciation...”
“So you bring her a gift for accepting a gift? Oh, Fluttershy, that’s so typically kind of you!” Twilight laughed, levitating the picture by her side.
“And I didn’t even know that Princess Celestia is one of your most loyal fans!”
“N-No, it’s not like that!” Fluttershy blushed deeply.
“It’s just, I don’t consider animals things, and I wanted to give the princess something she could hold in her hooves, to keep me in mind... oh my goodness. No, no, wait! It’s because, since we’re visiting the next Grand Galloping Gala, I thought I’d give the animals in the garden something as a gesture of friendship... s-some more friends? And, um... a picture of me... in front of a plane...?”
“Calm down, I was merely joking.“ Twilight smiled soothingly.
“But enough chitchat, it’s time to enplane!”
Credits:
My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic © Hasbro
Picture sources:
Cover: MLP:FiM S1 E11 - Winter Wrap Up
Photo: Equestria’s first Photobomber and fat plane
Ponies on a Plane
by Tartdefiance
Part 2: Status - Boarding
At the top end of the plane’s built-in loading ramp, Rarity had outdone herself. Four voluminous items were tied to the floor with a thin cord expertly and thoroughly: a barrel filled with apples, a mysterious, medium-sized crate, a chaise longue and a cloud sofa. Any spider would be proud of the alabaster unicorn’s work.
Sadly, Applejack was not a spider.
“Why don’tcha use a bigger rope? That there looks like it doesn’t stand a good buck,” the orange apple farmer annotated from outside.
“Because, dear.” Rarity strutted down the ramp.
“Our freight will rather have to endure constant shaking than a... good buck. We wouldn’t let the presents for our beloved princess slip out, now would we?”
AJ wasn’t fully convinced, but she didn’t trust the whole flying business anyways. All this effort to transport ponies and things through the sky... What was the big deal? What was wrong with a good walk or train ride? They could just stick to that and leave flying to the pegasi. Pegasuses. Whatever.
Interestingly enough, the solely present pegasus shared her opinion.
“If you don’t want to let our presents slip out, you should let me carry them! Canterlot isn’t even that far away. I say this thing only flies into one direction: down!” Rainbow Dash scoffed.
Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy approached the rear of the aircraft just in time so that Twilight could disagree properly.
“Now Rainbow Dash, that’s not the point of the project. And I’m not saying you couldn’t carry all of our cargo at once. This is just an experiment, to test the capacity of Pinkie Pie’s invention and maybe to find a faster option than hot air balloons,” the lavender mare clarified.
“Not that there is anything wrong with balloons or airships or pegasus sleds,” Pinkie tossed in,
“but this should be SO MUCH FUN! I’m really, really, REALLY excited!”
“We all are, Pinkie, we all are. I mean, we are going to fly as fast and high as it is possible, can you believe that? And we will have our own landing strip, where Princess Celestia herself will welcome us, and we will give her our presents, and we will drink tea together, and we will laugh and have fun...” Twilight Sparkle enthused over the near future, staring into the direction of the place she had already arrived at in her mind.
She soon realized that she was still right there. With her friends. Who were still watching her. Some of them rolled their eyes.
“Err, I mean, Spike will be there, too, and then we will fly back home to celebrate our success. Yes. Oh, and Celestia told me she has invited a surprise guest as well,” Twilight hastily added.
“Who?” she was asked from somewhere.
“It wouldn’t be a surprise if...” Twilight Sparkle began to respond.
“Who?” the question was repeated.
“I have no...” Twilight attempted.
“Who?” she was interrupted again.
“Look, I honestly don’t know, OK?” Twilight glanced around angrily.
”Stop asking me about... Oh, it’s you, Owloysius. Sorry. I’m so glad you could make it.”
“Who,” the owl greeted, finally being detected in the ponies’ midst.
“Cool entrance, didn’t even see you coming,” Rainbow Dash approved.
“Everything alright at the library? It is the first time that all the responsibilities are in your... claws, due to the fact that Spike is on royal business duty in Canterlot, and you don’t have hooves... Heh, you get the idea,” Twilight Sparkle wisecracked.
“Who.”
At this moment, Twilight realized that Owloysius would do a terrible job at the library when it inevitably would come down to something else than asking for more information about the validation of somepony’s identity. Over and over again.
“Just lock the door and don’t let anypony inside, we’ll be back soon. Well, it was nice of you to say “bon voyage”, figuratively speaking. After all, this is our big flight! Oh, and I’ll make sure to help you prepare for your own big flight this winter, don’t worry. See you later!” She dismissed her number two assistant.
With a last “Who!” as goodbye, the creature of the night took wing to return to his desk job.
“I love it when you talk to Owloysius, it never gets old! I think. Wait, why are we standing around outside? Girls! Get to the FAT PLaNE!” Pinkie Pie yelled.
“Well, ‘bout that. Ah don’t really wanna. And that part there looks kinda busted.” Applejack pointed at a disadvantage decorated with wet company logos.
Pinkie just pushed the piece back in. With a click, it latched.
“I wouldn’t say that it’s very badly built, but very simply. You see, I based the design of the external wall on building blocks. I was such a silly little filly when I constructed most of it, isn’t that hilarious?” The pink party pony wallowed in fond memories.
“Yeah - Nope. Ah’m sorry sugar cube, but wild horses couldn’t drag me in there now,” AJ determined her position in this matter.
“Nnnope,” her brother Big Macintosh confirmed. With this, he also reminded everypony that it was surprisingly easy to overlook the silent stallion’s presence, despite his respectable size.
Twilight promptly entered into negotiations with Applejack, which were a challenge every time.
“Come on Applejack, don’t be irrational, it’s a less than ten minutes flight! What could possibly go wrong? Fine, twenty minutes, because we are testing maneuvering a bit. The princess will welcome us at the runway at Canterlot in half an hour, so we have all the time we need. Hm. What I’m saying is that it’s a brief and definitely safe trip. I’m sure Princess Celestia’s pilots won’t let us down,” the purple hobby psychologist asseverated.
If it had been that easy, it wouldn’t be Applejack.
“And that’s the other thing. We don’t even know the ponies flyin’ this thingy! Why can’t y’all do it yaselves? Ah don’t trust nopony Ah’ve never seen! Who knows what the two did in there all day?” the earth pony expressed further concerns.
“I know! They had to get used to the controls, duh! And I would love to pilot, but I don’t really know how, because I was too busy to tinker about with the plane to work through any of the magic simulations Twilight developed,” Pinkie Pie kind of answered the rhetorical question.
Slightly flattered, Twilight decided to resume negotiations.
“I drafted the magic drive for the engine, too, by the way. As for me, I do know how to pilot. Uh, at least, in theory. But I’m also much more comfortable with pilots who have actually absolved a whole training with my simulations. I never got around to do that, as you all know, I was studying friendship among other things. Practical experience beats theoretical knowledge, that’s something you would say, Applejack,” she pointed out.
“And practical experience beats spending almost all your spare time with perfecting your new gadget! But it was so worth it, look how shiny it is!” Pinkie rejoiced.
Rainbow Dash was hardly listening in on the discussion anymore, but she remarked a contradiction nonetheless.
“Give me a second here, did you say all your free time? You were all fun and parties the whole autumn and summer season!” she accused.
“Hey! That’s different. Party time is serious business. I was so busy lately, I had to go without all luxuries. I couldn’t even take a daytime nap, like you always do!” Pinkie vindicated herself.
“But you normally don’t even...”
“SERIOUS. BUSINESS.”
“Fine, whatever. Nap time is serious business, too...” Dash pouted, hovering with crossed forelegs.
“For ya information, Ah’m still not OK with all this,” Applejack suggested.
Twilight groaned exasperatedly, but she wouldn’t give up so fast.
“And now you’re being stubborn. Do you think Princess Celestia would appoint the first pony who asked for the job to be our pilot? She assured me that Captain Gold is highly competent. And she described the copilot as very diligent. We’ll meet them when they check on us during the flight,”
Twilight argued.
“Captain Gold? Must be quite the character, I can’t wait to make acquaintance,” Rarity tittered.
Unfortunately, she didn’t infect a certain farm pony with her enthusiasm.
“We’ll first meet them when were already up in the air? Count me out, Ah won’t let no perfect stranger fly me all the way to Canterlot.” AJ sat down decisively.
“You can count me out, too!” Rainbow Dash reached over to her left and pulled a surprised yellow pegasus to her side.
“Me and my good pal Fluttershy are doing this pegasus style!”
But then, morality once again was subverted by betrayal.
“Um... I was hoping to accompany my animal friends on the journey, but I really appreciate your offer... And I usually don’t feel so well when I have to fly a long distance, maybe it’s different on a plane? I mean, I always feel safe when I’m flying with you... You’re not disappointed, are you? Please-” She was interrupted, reassured and shoved aside by Rainbow’s left hoof.
Rainbow herself kept a straight face and continued as if nothing had happened.
“As I was saying, me and my good pal Applejack are doing this pegasus style!”
Her second choice in abrupt physical contact was even more reluctant.
“Whoa, back off. And that there just sounded terrible. Are ya...” AJ suddenly found herself hugged tightly from behind.
“What in tarnation?!”
“Don’t worry, I’m no stranger. But I’m going to fly you all the way to Canterlot,” Rainbow Dash whispered into her ear.
“Race you there, guys!”
“Oh hay NOOOOOOOOO...!!!” Applejack could be heard screaming, until she and Dash were nothing more than blurry shapes disappearing over the horizon, leaving behind a somewhat perplexed audience.
On one hoof, Twilight even forgot she was still levitating Fluttershy’s photo, with the result that she dropped it unknowingly and unnoticed.
On the other hoof, Pinkie Pie had never been as good at experiencing confusion as she was at creating it.
“It’s not shipping, it’s airlifting!” she concluded merrily.
“Eeeyup,” Big Macintosh agreed.
“What.” said Twilight Sparkle.
“What were doing here!” Pinkie gesticulated towards the cargo ramp.
“Just a thought. Now let’s go already, or we’ll never catch Dashie up!”
Shortly, three mares were impatiently pushed up the ramp into the plane’s belly space.
“But she wasn’t even flying into the right direction!” Twilight protested.
Pinkie unhoofed her friends to scratch her head.
“Ooh, tricky,” she mused.
”Big Macintosh, get ready to remove the blocking from the plane’s wheels. No more interruptions! Onwards!” Pinkie had stood up on her hind legs and resolutely pointed to the door connecting to the passenger compartment.
Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle cutely decided to comply and set themselves to door opening work. Rarity wasn’t as easily intimidated, though.
“Just one moment, please. I simply cannot risk meeting a sublime flight captain without some additional makeup and perfume. You don’t have to wait for me, but do tell the pilots I will meet them soon, would you be so kind?” she chattered.
On the way to her ridiculously large hoof baggage, Rarity observed something amiss.
“Pinkie, I do have to ask, how exactly is your “Cardboard Party Box” going to be prevented from fidgeting about when we take off? It does not look fixed at all.” She tilted her horn into the direction of the container.
Pinkie Pie only giggled and threw a brightly colored tube to the white unicorn. Then she turned around to face an apparently still existing problem.
“Hey! Why are you two still here? You haven’t even opened the door yet!” she scolded her top team of expert door operators.
Twilight had buried her face in her hooves, displaying mild desperation.
“Fluttershy is afraid of opening the door,” she declared.
“Um...” The shy pegasus watched and pawed the ground.
“...maybe the pilots are in there and don’t want to be disturbed? Nopony answered my assertive knocking, so they could be deep in conversation, or...”
“Assertive knocking? Great idea!” Pinkie Pie someway jumped open the door and passed, demonstrating once again just how much her modus operandi differed from Fluttershy’s.
Moments later, the anxious pegasus followed involuntary as Twilight Sparkle embraced the opportunity of shoving her through the door.
Meanwhile, Rarity was in full makeup mode. She levitated all sorts of suitable auxiliaries around her head, whereby Pinkie’s tube appeared a bit misplaced. But solving the mystery of its content would have to wait. Now that the others were gone, Rarity could relax and enjoy her makeover.
Not that she had something against her friends. In fact, they were such pleasant company. But they sometimes also could be a little... exhausting.
Unlike Rarity’s sister Sweetie Bell and her two friends who sometimes could be a lot more exhausting. Rarity was once again glad that her sister had decided to go on a hiking tour with the two other crusaders, it would have been utterly difficult to keep them from sneaking on board. Rarity had been desperately looking for a way to tell the Cutie Mark Crusaders they were not allowed to participate in an aerial voyage without tempting them, until the problem solved itself: Sweetie Bell had wanted to know if Rarity maybe had changed her mind and would let her go on the backpacking trip she had planned with her crusader friends. Normally, Rarity wouldn’t have changed her mind at the time, because hiking could be dangerous for young ponies, especially if they were unaccompanied by adults. But in this case...
Rarity grimaced. It was a bit mean, letting the three of them go hiking without even realizing what they would miss. A necessary evil, though. In a mid-air emergency, it would be impossible to evacuate those three bundles of energy in time. Not that she would mind having them around. On the contrary, she thought it was rather refreshing to watch these joyful fillies. But of all the bad things that could happen on a plane, “Cutie Mark Crusaders Pilots!” was probably the worst.
The thought alone made Rarity glance around with concern. What if her sister somehow had gotten wind of the flight and deceptively offered Rarity to go on the field trip to lull her into a false sense of security?
Was Sweetie Bell that clever? Were the crusaders aboard the aircraft at this very moment?
But where would they hide? The belly space was merely roomy enough for the average carriage, and in this case it was well-stocked with gifts for Princess Celestia.
Maybe the fillies had hid in the crate together with Fluttershy’s animals. That would be a laugh. No, neither the crusaders, nor the critters would pose a problem on the flight. The latter probably were actually harmless, as Rarity knew Fluttershy, but a strange gift notwithstanding.
The unicorn with the violet mane couldn’t help but wonder at her friends’ tastes in presents.
Sure, Applejack was all about apples, it was basically what she did... but as gift for the princess? Well, maybe Celestia was into apples, too.
And it was kind of cute that Rainbow Dash would part with her favorite napping cloud.
Though, Rarity hadn’t expected Twilight Sparkle to present a piece of furniture. The princess must have told her that she absolutely wasn’t in need of any more books. Indeed, the chaise longue looked awfully comfortable...
Twilight had bought it right after she had read a book about pony psychology. Ever since, it had been standing around at the library. Maybe Twilight should have used it to psychoanalyze Applejack during applebuck season. This earth pony mare could be so obstinate sometimes.
That couch...
Rarity would have to get one of those later, maybe from the local Quills and Sofas.
However, she still thought her present for the princess was the most appropriate of all: The exquisite collection of only her most noble, distinguished, gem-bearing dresses.
Of course, Rarity wouldn’t even dare to dream of presuming to fabricate made-to-measure gowns for the princess herself. She wasn’t even sure if the princess wore dresses at all. But she was sure Celestia would always have a use for art.
Rarity hoped her gowns wouldn’t suffer too much during the flight. She had hung up her luxuriant collection with the help of various dress hangers. Nopony would ever be able to force Rarity to squash such wonderful pieces of her art into a chest. And what were those peculiar, horizontal metal rods under the ceiling good for, anyway? Now they at least served a purpose.
Rarity was almost done with her makeup. Time to figure out what the deal was with the tube Pinkie Pie gave her. The unicorn levitated her designer glasses out of her hoof luggage.
A second later, and she was already rolling her eyes at Pinkie. Sunshine Laughter’s Happy Glue. Really now. Pinkie had honestly glued that box to the floor.
As a matter of fact, Rarity neither knew what was in the box, nor if it was Pinkie Pie’s present for the princess, because naturally Pinkie wanted it to be a surprise.
But Rarity doubted that using glue for anything that was supposed to remain movable could be considered a good idea. And then, this glue’s trade name...
While finalizing her makeup, she turned the tube around. Something about the brand name made her want to check the ingredients. She made a find earlier than she had expected.
“Nothing else than potatoes, wheat, corn, water and magic. Also, we economize. This is the only reason why we are selling so cheap,” Rarity read aloud.
“Hm. And is this here some kind of advertising sticker? On a product? How sinister. Let’s see...
This product is not made out of ponies, stop asking us about it? And I am well aware my name is S. Laughter, thank you very much...?
Oh my. Well, they do ask for... asking them about it. And there’s the company slogan:
Sunshine Laughter’s Trustful Goods.
Try our pastries, faux leather and glue!
And our most certainly fish-based cat food, too!
Your cat will love it as much as it loves... you... No. Just... NO.”
Rarity usually was environmentally-conscious and supported recycling. The tube of dubious glue hit the ground outside the plane anyways. In the nick of time, as it turned out, because the loading ramp was mechanically lifted to seal the cargo area at that precise moment. Yet, this interpretable omen was not the main reason Rarity frantically tried to remember the name of the business she bought her cat food from.
Fluttershy wriggled about in her seat, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t achieve a comfortable sitting position. Why was it so horribly small? Why was the entire interior of the aircraft so horribly small?
She could even touch the ceiling without too much effort, because the passenger compartment was about the same size as the belly space. That is to say, claustrophobia-inducing.
There was barely enough space for the three rows of seats, with the result that the room for ponies to put their hooves was unsatisfactory, resulting in everypony sitting in the front row to benefit from the gap to the flight crew compartment door. Also, this problem could have been solved by not expecting ponies to sit in this completely awkward position. Who in their right mind would actually want to sit that way?
Well, maybe that one mint green unicorn...
Luckily, the seating rows consisted of not one but two seats on each side of the narrow aisle, which would allow Rarity to sit to Fluttershy’s right at the tiny window. If Rainbow Dash and Applejack were present, too, somepony would be even more impatient of their seat.
Although, Fluttershy doubted that AJ preferred her current travelling position. Hopefully, she and Rainbow would arrive save and sound.
Of course they would. When it came to passenger transportation, Fluttershy would take Rainbow Dash over an aircraft any day. Maybe Fluttershy should tell her that sometimes. On second thought... No, definitely not.
And this plane here was safe, too, so there was absolutely no need to worry. Everything would be just fine. Why did Rarity take so excruciatingly long?! No need to worry. Just fine.
Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie were still discussing oddities using a terrible technical terminology. Fluttershy had no idea what they were essentially talking about, but she cherished the hope that they did. As far as she interpreted Pinkie’s wild gesticulation, some of the aircraft’s energy was seemingly supplied by a giant clockwork mechanism.
Just when the thought of that made Fluttershy feel even more nervous, she heard the door to the belly space being quickly opened, slammed and bolted. She turned her neck and saw Rarity together with her hoof baggage battle their way through the aisle which was only dimensioned for two ponies at a time, but not for one pony and luggage twice as big.
Rarity faintly replied to the other ponies welcoming and collapsed into her seat, while the seats behind her collapsed under the weight of her baggage. She looked a bit disheveled, despite her flawless makeup and perfume. Well, not entirely flawless.
“Are you alright? You must have had a little accident with your lipstick...” Flutters gently inquired.
“Yes, I feel great, thank you. I haven’t even touched that... thing, so the urge to wash my hooves is unfounded and will soon fade,” she soothed mostly herself while conjuring a hoof mirror and a cleaning rag to fix her untypical mishap from earlier.
“Besides, there is no repulsive evil hiding in the background of Equestria’s economy.”
“Nothing but sunshine and laughter!” Pinkie Pie confirmed gleefully.
Rarity smeared the lipstick all over her own face.
“Are you sure that you’re alright?” Fluttershy asked with honest concern in her voice.
“Yes! Like I said! I’m fine! Fasten your seat belts, we’re taking off!” Rarity hyperventilated and pointed at the warning light in front of her which had conveniently started blinking moments ago.
Shortly afterwards, everypony was strapped and awaited the take-off with varying excitement. Though, nopony could beat Pinkie Pie, who had managed to smuggle a whole bag of popcorn in her cotton candy mane.
“Woo! We’re starting! Wooo!” She fidgeted against her seat belt while eagerly munching.
“Calm down, I’ve just caught a glimpse of Big Macintosh outside the window. He is just removing the blocking from the wheels, so the propellers won’t be spinning for another minute,” Twilight tried to apply reason.
But to no avail.
“Woo! The propellers will spin in less than a minute! WOO!” Pinkie wouldn’t stop cheering until they would be in the air.
And, maybe, not even then.
“Why haven’t they started yet? The pink pony said they would fly soon, but they take, like, forever! Oh my gosh, this is, like, totally boring!” Diamond Tiara nagged for what felt like the millionth time in the last few hours. In reality, it was precisely the hundredth time in the last thirteen minutes and thirty-seven seconds, with those last three grumblings included. At this rate, she would only nag about 441 times per hour.
Only?!
Her frustrated father wrung out his tie. Fortunately, he was barely soggy anymore, but that apple cider was tenacious. Speaking of tenacity...
“Precaution. See, this way, even Granny Smith was able to reach the safety clearance in time. Almost. She sure will be here in a few minutes, if she keeps up her current tempo.” Mr. Rich masterfully suppressed the insanity induced by his daughter, determined to fight the fight of a good father till the very end.
But then, a new challenger appeared out of the crowd watching the long-drawn-out departure.
“Filthy?” the Mayor inquired.
“No, I wouldn’t say that. Sticky, however... Oh. I see what you did there,” Filthy Rich deadpanned.
“Consider it as payback for reminding everypony that I’m not as good with money as you are.” The Mayor of Ponyville beamed innocently.
Suddenly, their friendly conversation was interrupted by a rattling engine noise. And of course...
Honk! Hooonk!
“Dad! Daaad! The airscrews rotate!” Diamond skillfully continued annoying with her whining smoothly transitioning into pointing out the obvious.
Nevertheless, the massive plane didn’t move, its propulsion not yet strong enough. It even began to marginally roll back the airstrip, until the wheels remembered approximately at the same time that they were recycled from party balloons. The subsequent bursting sound startled quite a number of birds in the locality.
Now, the aircraft seemed completely immovable, not even with the extra thrust by Big Macintosh.
“I’m not an expert, but wasn’t the project you sponsored supposed to move forwards without help?” the Mayor remarked with a hint of sarcasm.
Filthy Rich didn’t reply.
Meanwhile, the tall stallion had given up pushing and gave the back of the aircraft a good buck. It miraculously worked and sent the plane on its way, albeit it almost knocked off a particular, extensively sponsored part of the plane’s tail. Which now loosely hang from the side unnoticed by Big Macintosh and would unavoidably come off.
“Oh no, you won’t!” Mr. Rich resolved while at full gallop.
He had undergone public humiliation and his bored daughter’s constant nagging, he wouldn’t let all that be for nothing.
Nopony could stop him now, neither Diamond Tiara with her upset shouting from behind...
“Hello Mr. Filthy!” Granny Smith waved as he passed.
“Bye Mr. Rich!”
… nor any member of the Apple Family ahead.
“In the name of marketing and product safety, get out of the way!” Filthy Rich demanded from the distant, puzzled Big Macintosh.
The farm pony never had the intention to block Filthy. That would have been too disrespectful. Instead, Big Macintosh silently kept pace with the business pony.
Eventually, Mr. Rich caught up with the schlepping cargo plane. However, intent on the target, he didn’t deceive the colorful tube in his path. His hind leg crushed it, the cap flew off, something squirted forward...
Filthy got a hold of the disloyal part with his left hoof, and thrust it pack into position, just how he had seen Pinkie Pie do it earlier. Though, Pinkie Pie’s hoof hadn’t been covered with glue.
Normally, this wouldn’t have been a problem here. But in this case, it happened to be Sunshine Laughter’s Happy Glue. The thing was, despite common belief, there was a reason why it was called that way.
It made everypony else happy that they hadn’t tried using it.
Filthy Rich realized to his horror that his left hoof was slowly but surely dragged towards the end of the runway, Ghastly Gorge. Interestingly, before pulling like crazy, Rich’s first reaction was to blame somepony else for his predicament.
“This wouldn’t have happened if you did your job properly! In Celestia’s name, do something!” he yelled at Big Macintosh, who was walking alongside.
The farm stallion paused to think. He could just grab Filthy and pull. But he rather didn’t want to violate his personal space. Besides, Mr. Rich was already trying to break free with all his strength, which seemed to have no effect at all.
Big Macintosh sighed. Filthy wouldn’t like this, but it would work.
The apple farmer gave the plane another buck, this time completely knocking the problematical fraction off.
Mr. Rich suddenly found himself lying on his back with familiar logos in front of him. Grimly, he attempted to push the included plane part away with his hind legs. The business pony was still eager to somehow reattach the thing, whereby the plane itself evidently didn’t mind continuing its steady journey without it. On the contrary, the aircraft finally built up some speed.
Too bad that “some speed” didn’t indicate what was required here.
“He’s getting away! Slowly, but he’s getting away!” Filthy screamed, distracted by his despair.
Then, he noticed three things.
Firstly, his daughter Diamond Tiara and apparently also the Mayor had been following him and were presently keeping Big Macintosh company.
Secondly, they were ominously silent. Except for Big Macintosh, whose silence was uninterpretable as usual.
Thirdly, they all stared into the direction of the plane behind him with horrified looks on their faces.
With a sense of foreboding, Filthy Rich twisted his neck.
Just in time to see the aircraft disappear into the gorge.
The far away audience had frozen in terror, until somepony decided it was a good idea to follow an old Ponyville tradition. Soon, everypony in a safe distance was running around in panic. Even the two nurses of the emergency unit were running, albeit not in panic but with an actual destination.
At the insufficient runway, Tiara’s tiara had fallen off her head, but she was too paralyzed with fear to fully realize that yet.
“Again, I’m not an expert...” the Mayor remarked with a hint of infinite dismay,
“but wasn’t the project you sponsored supposed to fly up...?”
Again, Filthy Rich didn’t reply.
“Eeeyup...” Big Macintosh was sorely shocked.
Just at that moment, the plane dashed up and out of the canyon on the other side, nearly crashing in the process.
Everypony who was panicking before now was cheering. In his relief, Big Macintosh cried so heartbreakingly that the two emergency nurses had to put down their stretcher and soothe him.
The Mayor of Ponyville decided that she needed a vacation, as off now. All is well that ends well.
And maybe things were even better. Mr. Rich, currently hugging back his daughter while sitting on the accursed piece formerly attached to a certain aircraft, was pleasantly surprised by something missing.
“Ha, look! The sticker with the company’s main logo isn’t here, that means it must be still affixed to the plane! This is an absolute success after all!” He would jump for joy if his left hoof wasn’t literally glued to the spot.
Ignorance once again was bliss.
“Um, Dad? The sticker is right there... It must have been fallen off when you wrestled with that part we’re now sitting on... and has clung to your... flank,” Diamond Tiara informed her father, feeling very uneasy.
He looked down and behind and was greeted by his company’s logo.
Filthy Rich facehoofed. Of course, this would have been to good to be true. Well, at least he had invested in a failsafe project, even if now nopony would acknowledge his sponsorship at first sight. He was certain that there wasn’t any more hidden irony lurking around, though.
But then, he realized that his right hoof was stuck to his face. Abruptly, he was not in the mood to move a single muscle anymore. So he just sat there, resembling a reminding statue of failure.
Also, foreshadowing.
Big Macintosh had stopped crying and there was no plane wreck, so the nurses evacuated the next best thing and heaved Filthy onto the stretcher, together with his favorite piece of the aircraft. What a nice souvenir, with the stickers and all.
Diamond followed the removal of her father a bit hesitantly. Luckily, Apple Bloom and her friends weren’t there, but this whole procedure was highly embarrassing nonetheless. Since she was looking down, she perceived the delinquent tube of glue. Her favorite brand. For pranks. It was utterly useless for anything else. She screwed it down and took it with her.
Left behind to calm down, Big Macintosh noticed something else on the ground. Judging by the quality, it was done by Granny Smith. It depicted Twilight’s face in profile, for whatever reason.
And there seemed to be somepony else in the background...
Big Macintosh lost grip of the grass stalk in his mouth.
“Ah’m gonna keep this. I mean. Eeeyup.”
Credits:
My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic © Hasbro
